~ Chapter Fifty - Accepting Duty - 12.472 words ~
[Esthar Continent, Western Coastline, Tuesday, 4th of November, 3:21 am]
Squall stared out the window of the small scouting craft despite the lack of an enticing view. For several hours now they'd flown at dizzying speeds across a dark nightscape, the scant moonlight glinting on the rippling surface of the ocean far below. The only disruption of such monotony had been a pinprick of bright light in the distance as they'd sped past Fisherman's Horizon. His traitorous thoughts had instantly launched him back to the brief time he'd spent there with Seifer, before he'd gone through the painstaking process of emptying his mind all over again.
Seated in the cockpit in front of him were the two SeeDs who'd been sent to retrieve them. He'd engaged in conversation just long enough to ensure the DC members hadn't been recognized back at camp and to make sure the two rookies felt seen by their commanding officer. Luckily the two SeeDs seemed to take his silence in stride, leaving him to his own devices and making no further attempts at strained pleasantries.
Their deference was painfully obvious from the rigid, action-ready set to their postures and the lack of idle banter between the two SeeDs during the long flight. He suppressed a sigh, wishing they'd just ignore him and carry on as usual. It made him miss Selphie's antics in the cockpit that disregarded all safety protocols or the way Irvine liked to irreverently swing his legs up onto the flight console to take a nap.
"Approaching the western coastline, Sir."
The distant lights that came into view betrayed the outline of a vast and densely populated landmass, webbed with glowing lines where major roads ran across the surface below, all leading towards one blindingly bright nexus. Even from this great distance, Esthar City was already visible on the horizon.
A sense of unease had always accompanied his visits to the great city, but the usual messy tangle of his feelings had changed. His sorceress and his father were no longer on the forefront of his thoughts as they drew near, every bad memory of the place eclipsed by his time spent there by Seifer's side. There would be reminders everywhere, even at the Palace. Another unwelcome stab of longing pierced through him despite his efforts at composure.
As they'd traveled far away from the Galbadian woodlands, each added mile had taken on a heavy weight that was completely irrational. The distance between Seifer and himself had no actual bearing on the timing of their reunion, but the knowledge that Seifer was now an entire continent away filled him with dismay all the same. He hoped his dark mood wasn't evident on his face and forced himself to focus on the reason he was here. He was a commander. He had better control over himself than this.
"We're cleared for landing, Sir. We're two minutes out now."
Nodding, Squall smoothed out his expression into blank professionalism as they flew into Estharian airspace. He needed to get his head on straight instead of thinking of someone who was thousands of miles away. Thanks to Quistis's overly cautious nature, he didn't have a single clue about what had prompted her to recall him, but her need had to be great to pull him out like this. He could be walking into anything.
He sat up straighter as the gleaming glass and steel bulk of the Palace came up before them, a glowing beacon in the already bright Estharian night. His pilot for the day steered the craft expertly as she followed the instructions from air control and brought it around to the landing platforms near the top of the Palace's east wing. That meant Loire's personal quarters and not any of the official meeting rooms in the west wing. Whatever emergency had cropped up had to be delicate for Loire to prefer such privacy.
One of the landing platforms lit up before them, the dark silhouettes of two palace guards awaiting their arrival. They docked with a barely noticeable tug of magnetic pull, the engines killed smoothly one after the other. The rookie pilot definitely had a softer touch than Selphie.
Unbuckling, he grabbed his duffel bag and gunblade case and walked over to the exit where a ramp was being lowered. Even this high up, the muted din of a million distant cars, machines and people traveled up to reach him. After days spent in the Galbadian wilderness, the air smelled dead here, in the way only a concrete metropolis could.
With an inward curse, he willed himself to stop casting his mind back to the woodlands, back to Seifer. He walked down the metal ramp and headed straight over to the welcoming committee.
"Welcome, Officer Vargha," the left guard spoke as he drew close, giving a salute that lacked the swift snap of a SeeD salute. Neither guard seemed particularly thrilled about being up here at this late hour to greet who they thought was a lowly Garden envoy. Their gazes eyed his appearance critically, his clothes still covered in ash and traces of dried mud. "You and your subordinates have been assigned guest rooms for the night. We'll escort your subordinates there. The president is waiting in his quarters to see you. Your access has been cleared as per usual. Please make haste."
Giving a curt nod in greeting, he turned to the two rookie SeeDs who'd escorted him. They immediately clapped their heels together and saluted with sharp rigor, just this side of challenging the palace guards' lack of ceremony. He suppressed a quirk to his lips at the perceived slight on his behalf. "At ease. You're dismissed for the night," he said firmly. "You'll receive new orders in the morning. Rest up."
"Yes, Sir!" they bellowed in unison, standing firmly in wait for him to leave first.
With a final nod he turned his back to the two SeeDs and the palace guards, and strode down the dizzying glass walkway, a long drop down yawning below his feet. Another design trick to make Adel's past visitors shrink in fear and awe. Palming the access panel to gain entry to the east wing, his fingerprints were accepted with a green blinking of lights and a swish of automated doors.
The Palace was quiet as he walked the hallways and made his way towards the hover lift that would bring him to Loire's quarters. He passed only a handful of palace guards on their night shift, answering their salutes with distracted nods. He got no sense of an emergency from any of them. Not even a heightened alert. Somehow the silence only increased his concern.
Stepping into the hover lift with a frown, he fished out his private access card. With a quick swipe of the card and an iris scan he sent the lift up. The ascent was a brief one from the landing platforms and the moment the doors slid open, a loud ding signaling his arrival, Quistis's voice rang out faintly into the hallway.
"We're in the study!"
He quickened his step as he traversed the hallway towards the first sitting room and then into Loire's study. Both Quistis and Loire stood up from their chairs as he dropped his things by the door and turned to face them. "What's the emergency?"
"You're finally here!" Quistis exclaimed, striding towards him. "Hyne, you're filthy," she added with a raised eyebrow, her gaze picking him apart. "Where the hell have you been?"
"Sanubia Valley, north of the Bikanel Mountains."
Quistis' eyebrows climbed higher, a prim finger etching a line in the ash that dusted his shoulders. "The forest fires?" she guessed.
Not asking for elaboration after his nod, she hurriedly ushered him to the large desk in the center of the room. "I sent those tracking teams out yesterday. I was hoping to get you here sooner. We need to make a move and quickly." He frowned at the ominous words and the haggard look on Quistis's face.
"Son. I'm glad you're here," Loire added in greeting, his smile not quite as enthusiastic as usual. "Take a seat."
Sitting down on a chair opposite the president, Squall raised an eyebrow when not a single fond clap to the shoulder followed his entrance. Loire was usually more physical and excited than this. He glanced over the several papers and magazines laid out on the desk, as well as the holo screen that showed multiple media outlet websites. Picking up the paper right in front of him, he frowned at the headline.
The Lunatic Pandora: Garden's Incompetence Revealed
"What is this?" he demanded, eyeing yesterday's date on the paper.
"Zautra's handiwork," Quistis replied stiffly. "I knew he was up to something, but I never guessed he'd go this far." She met and held his gaze, her mouth pressed into a thin line. "I should've kept closer tabs on him. Tracked his every move. I let this happen on my watch."
Squall's frown deepened at hearing Quistis sound so apologetic. "I still don't know what exactly did happen."
"A nasty bit of media wrangling," the woman replied, briefly taking off her glasses and rubbing at her temple. "I told you over the phone that I suspected he was working the press. It started innocently enough."
"But it escalated rather quickly," Loire added with a shake of the head. "Masterfully done really. My own PR team could learn some lessons from how they staged this. My team did some research and traced back all the articles." He fiddled with his console until a timeline with different publications and headlines appeared onto the holo screen.
Donning her glasses again, Quistis gestured at the screen. "It started several weeks ago, but it only came onto my radar around the time you left for Winhill. Like I said, they seeded several op eds and columns in minor publications at first, voicing doubts about Garden's methods, recruitment, things like that. Typical conspiracy theories, nothing we haven't heard before. But once those gained traction, they started targeting Garden's operation within Esthar specifically. A lot of typical Estharian fear mongering about magic users, pieces about the Lunar Cry, the works, but they've pushed it to a whole new degree. They even started to target Laguna in a few select articles, accusing him of underhanded dealings with Garden, calling his integrity and priorities into question. If Zautra and his henchmen hadn't signed a non-disclosure deal, I'm sure we would've seen headlines about our plans for Esthar Garden next. We've been getting concerned calls from members of the Esthar Garden Committee."
Shaking her head, she leaned back in her chair and stared at the damning timeline, as if she couldn't quite believe what she was looking at. "The bigger news outlets started to run with this stuff as well. Even The Esthar Daily. They delivered the killing blow actually, publishing an article penned under Zautra's name, involving the Lunatic Pandora in this mess."
Squall frowned as he peered at the exponential increase of publications targeting Garden. Hyne, he hated this kind of thing. The media was a battlefield he was ill-suited to. "Why the Lunatic Pandora?"
"Zautra put it very eloquently during his TV interview yesterday," Loire replied with a tight displeasure that was unusual for the man. "By the time he made his appearance, he had the media primed and ready, just where he wanted them for his big moment. See for yourself."
The holo screen flickered and switched to a special broadcast. Zautra sat impeccably dressed, a look of polite erudition plastered over his face as he waited for the interviewer to finish introducing him.
"Today we've invited a special guest to help us shed some light on the concerns that have been circling the media as of late, about Garden in general and the Lunatic Pandora in particular. I'm pleased to welcome Mr. Zautra, the head of the SCTA and a retired decorated army officer, to our studio."
Zautra smiled that disingenuous smile of his. "Glad to be here."
"What is your stance, Mr. Zautra? What are your views on how Garden handled the Lunar Cry clean-up?"
"Well, while I can fairly admit that the Estharian army was ill-equipped to deal with the threat of the Lunar Cry at the time, that doesn't mean that Garden's performance was without its… flaws. The Estharian media has been quite correct in their many misgivings, but I would propose to go even further. I believe that the truly worrisome problems arose after the clean-up. At the risk of voicing an unpopular opinion—"
Quistis snorted loudly and rolled her eyes. "The balls on this guy!"
"—I can't help but question the follow-through. Garden showed up to save the day, took over our streets and commanded our forces, and true enough, they beat back the waves of monsters. But why did they stop there? Why did they leave a weapon of mass destruction sitting in our very backyard? A ticking time bomb?"
"Public statements from the Palace have argued that the Lunatic Pandora is an important object of study, and that it will require a lot of time and research to find a way to safely dismantle it. You disagree?"
"I do indeed. It is a convenient lie, or a half truth at best. First of all I'd like to raise the argument that nothing good can be learned from that monolith. It is the product of dangerous magics, used by Sorceress Adel to destroy and bring about an artificially induced Lunar Cry. It is a threat to all of Esthar. Have we all forgotten how the Centran Empire met its demise? How we almost met our demise? How far can the Palace's hubris be allowed to go? What possible lessons can their scientists learn from the Lunatic Pandora that won't just put us all at jeopardy? They aren't infallible after all. They made some—and let's be honest here—fatal mistakes. The Palace and their scientists failed us when they sunk the Lunatic Pandora into the ocean, giving our enemies the chance to use it against us. They failed us when they botched the relocation of the Lunatic Pandora away from Tear's Point to a secure location, instead getting it stranded right outside our city. Both failures cost lives."
"He's being very clever here," Loire commented grimly. "The Palace. Their Scientists. The parallels he draws with Adel's reign. He doesn't name me even once."
"Food for thought indeed," the interviewer continued, flipping through his cue cards. "But that is not your only concern?"
"It isn't. It seems that everyone has overlooked something crucial. It is a well-known and well-documented phenomenon that the Lunatic Pandora is still active. It might have been stationary for the past few years, but the energies it emits to this day draw in monsters from afar or even cause them to spawn from thin air when there's a full moon. That's the very reason the wider desert around the Lunatic Pandora has been closed off to the public."
"And what is it that we're overlooking?"
Zautra assumed a troubled expression, feigning a reluctance to say what he was about to share next. It was an alarmingly convincing performance.
"We have failed to consider that Garden has more to gain from leaving the Lunatic Pandora right where it is, indefinitely if need be, than they would from disarming and dismantling the monolith. Ever since the Lunatic Pandora has been stranded in our backyard, Garden has landed a longstanding contract with the Palace to patrol the Lunatic Pandora cordon and to do regular sweeps of the area to deal with the steady but continuous influx of monsters. That seems a lot more profitable to me than a short-term, one-time contract to deal with the monolith once and for all. To put it bluntly, the Lunatic Pandora is Garden's cash cow."
"That's a frightening thought to entertain. So you put no stock in the Palace's statement that the Lunatic Pandora can't be dismantled safely without further research?"
"Garden likes to boast that it is the world's most renowned expert on all things magical. The Palace commissions the most brilliant scientists this world has ever seen, with Dr. Odine at the helm. I believe that if there had truly been any will at all to rid Esthar of the greatest threat it has known since Sorceress Adel, then Garden and the Palace would have joined forces and would have found a way a long time ago."
Loire turned off the broadcast and let out a sigh. "So there you have it. Zautra has issued a challenge that we can't afford to ignore. Public opinion is not on our side, I'm afraid."
"Damned if we do, damned if we don't," Quistis added, flicking a finger at a stack of publications. "As Laguna says, we can't do nothing. Then we'll just look like we're confirming everything Zautra has accused us of. We'd have to pack up our plans for Esthar Garden. As things stand, there's no way the public will accept a new Garden on Estharian soil if we can't sway public opinion back in our favor. But if we act and do what he's trying to provoke us into doing…"
"It could backfire," Loire finished her thought. "Zautra chalks our lack of action up to a lack of determination, but the dangers are all too real. We still don't understand how the Lunatic Pandora works, let alone how to dismantle it. If we do as he suggests, we could accidentally trigger a second Lunar Cry. Either that man has no inkling of what he's talking about, or he knows perfectly well that we won't risk annihilation."
Squall pinched the bridge of his nose when silence fell and both Quistis and Loire turned to look at him. He couldn't believe the idiocy of it. The Hyne damned nerve of it. Just like that, a few well placed articles threatened to undo everything they'd worked so hard for. All because a rich, powerful man stood the risk of becoming less rich and powerful. He struggled to wrap his brain around the nature of this 'emergency' and the massive damage it could potentially inflict. Not a natural disaster. Not rampaging monsters. Not a humanitarian conflict. Not even war. A fucking media feud.
"Say something, Squall."
Looking up to meet Quistis's gaze, he unclenched his fists and drew in a long measured breath through his nose to try and calm down. "Don't tell me you've been holed up in here for more than a day without a plan to show for it."
He immediately regretted his tone when Quistis flinched at his words, but the woman rallied and pulled herself up to her full height. "We've been going around in circles, breaking our heads on this." She glanced at Loire before plowing on full-steam. "I agree with Laguna that we have to throw our full weight against this media pushback. We need to get out there and make public statements to explain our stance and reassure the public of our intentions. But I'm afraid words won't be enough." She leaned in to hold his gaze, ignoring Laguna's frown. "I propose a joint task force. Garden and Esthar working together. We need to be seen out there. We need to crank up SeeD presence to show we're taking these allegations seriously. The public needs to know that the only reason Garden hasn't acted until now is because Esthar's sovereignty has kept our hands tied."
"And what's the goal of this task force?" Squall asked dubiously. Rather than a true solution, it sounded like just another media circus to him.
"A staged planning of the dismantling of the Lunatic Pandora," she suggested firmly. "I want authorization to put together a task force that moves more quickly and aggressively. One that isn't afraid of experimentation and risks. I want to achieve real results within the year." She shot an accusing look towards Loire, crossing her arms. "All of us here know that Odine's research efforts have erred on the side of caution."
"On my order," Loire said with a shake of the head. "These are my people you're asking me to put at risk. We can't let Zautra provoke us into making hasty decisions. I realize that years of slow and rigorous scientific study is not the answer anyone ever wants to hear and it will be a difficult pitch to the public, but it's the safest way. That makes it the best way in my opinion."
Quistis threw up her hands in exasperation. "Your people are afraid, Laguna, and fear is a strange and powerful thing. It tends to disregard logic and reason. You might have been coasting on everyone's liberation high and gratitude these past two decades, but it seems like the charm is wearing off. You need to act before you lose the power to do so. Where is your fighting spirit? Where is the man that led a rebellion and defeated a Sorceress?"
"…You have a grim outlook on life for someone so young," Loire said calmly after a long pause. "If I learned anything from the First Sorceress War, it's that there are more important things in life than power. The risk you're asking me to take is disproportionate to the possible rewards. I can't in good conscience—"
"Enough," Squall cut in, now having a good idea of the arguments that had prevented any real decision making. "You're both wrong."
At the interruption, Quistis and Loire turned to regard him with startled frowns. "And how do you figure that?" Quistis said stiffly, her eyes narrowing in assessment.
"Zautra has a point," he began, earning himself a scoff, but he ignored Quistis's skepticism and held Loire's gaze. "I told you a long time ago what we had to do. We should have destroyed the Lunatic Pandora right after the Lunar Cry clean-up."
Loire let out a troubled sigh and ran a tired hand through his hair. "And I'll tell you now what I told you then. What I've been telling Quistis all day. The risk is too great. The two of you understand what it is like to be responsible for thousands of lives under your command, all of them trained operatives. I'm responsible for millions, the great majority of them civilians who have no recourse to defend themselves against another Lunar Cry."
"I'm not sure I like your implication that we don't care about the lives of your people, Laguna," Quistis said tightly, stiffening in her seat.
"I know you do, but you also see opportunities here. A way to advance your goals. Possibly at the expense of my people. As their president, I need to weigh all possibilities and outcomes."
"Then hear out my proposal," Squall interrupted again, not in the mood to listen to more bickering about ethics and politics. "Neither of you are considering all possibilities or outcomes. A media offense isn't enough." At Quistis's pleased smile, he quickly added, "A task force isn't enough either. We need to make our move now. In full force. Together." Pausing to let his words sink in, he steeled his voice. "We enter the Lunatic Pandora and find a way to destroy it. Within a week."
Stunned into silence, both Quistis and Loire stared at him as if he'd lost his mind.
Slowly shaking his head, the president was the first to recover and protest. "This is exactly the kind of power play Zautra wants to trick us into. You're smarter than this, son."
"You say you want to protect your people, but right now you're not protecting anyone," Squall replied with ruthless calm. "The Lunatic Pandora is everything Zautra says it is. I've kept current with Odine's findings. There is no safe way to dismantle it without risk."
"That is a reckless bit of conjecture," Loire said with a troubled sigh. "What I know for certain is that we've managed to keep any danger contained for the past three years."
"We've all read the research, Laguna," Quistis joined in the discussion, her gaze thoughtful. "So far Odine hasn't found even a single indication that what you suggest is even possible. How long will you let this drag on? A few years? Ten? Twenty? You can't afford to sit this one out."
"You are asking the impossible. You're asking me to risk annihilation."
Squall snorted at that. It seemed that Esthar's habit of paralyzing fear had rubbed off on its president. "Annihilation has never ceased to be a risk," he said curtly, holding Loire's gaze. "Say the worst happens. A second Lunar Cry. When the first one happened, we were unprepared. The city's shields were running at low capacity. There were barely any border patrols. Garden was spread thin because of the Second Sorceress War. It took days to mobilize the necessary troops to fight off the monsters within the city borders and clear the streets. By then it was too late. That is what caused all the fatalities."
Loire's eyebrows climbed high. "Are you saying you think we can handle a second Lunar Cry?"
"We could, if it came down to it. We'd be prepared this time." Ignoring the incredulous looks on both Quistis and Loire, he laid out the plan he'd refined in his head immediately after the war. "How much stronger have Esthar's shields become since the Lunar Cry? Two times as strong? Three? We run them at maximum capacity, funneling the city's entire energy production into the shield batteries. We put up additional mobile shielding units around the Lunatic Pandora cordon and we station troops inside. Full mobilization. The entire Estharian army. All the SeeDs we can muster at such short notice. We team them up like we did during the Lunar Cry clean-up. Two SeeD leaders to every squadron."
"It was a very effective strategy," Quistis commented, the woman listening with rapt attention.
Nodding, Squall continued his explanation. "If any monsters do appear, a Lunar Cry or otherwise, they'll center around the Lunatic Pandora first. They'll be trapped inside the cordon. They'd have to break through a magic wielding army and two domes of high tech shielding before they could even make it into the city. We station squadrons inside as well, along the border and at strategic points throughout the city. Even if any monsters make it past all that, which is doubtful, there will be enough time for civilians to get to the shelters or evacuate. Esthar Station is on the other side of the city, opposite to the Lunatic Pandora. We commandeer the trains and keep them on standby. We secure the station as a means of escape. But it will never come to that."
Loire shook his head in denial. "Squall, this is hubris. The Centran Empire was wiped off the face of the map because of a Lunar Cry."
"The Centrans didn't have access to Estharian technology. They didn't have us."
"I think Squall's right," Quistis added, meeting his gaze and giving a nod of agreement. "Esthar wasn't wiped off the face of the map three years ago and we were operating at a severe disadvantage then. This time it would be like a controlled detonation. But the main goal would still be to find a way to destroy it from within without triggering a Lunar Cry. This is just us covering our bases."
Kneading his brow, Loire eyed the both of them sternly. "Even if we'd succeed in containing a Lunar Cry of all things, there would still be casualties. The troops stationed inside the cordon… Are their lives worth so little?"
"If you're unwilling to risk anything, you could lose everything," Squall deadpanned in reply, the corners of his lips sloping down at the president's repeated implications that they were willing to sacrifice lives on a whim. "If we don't do this now, under controlled circumstances, using every advantage we have, someday someone will use the Lunatic Pandora again. Esthar will be caught unprepared again."
Leaning forward over the desk, Quistis held Loire's gaze with an imploring look. "The time is right, Laguna. Think about it. Right now public opinion is primed for us to make a move. There are currently no major conflicts or wars that stand in the way of full and immediate mobilization of our combined forces. We might never get a chance like this again." The resistance in Loire's eyes faltered as they piled on argument after argument. "You might not like to hear this, but we need to show the world our strength. Both Garden and Esthar. If we don't, we'll be setting a dangerous precedent. We can't be seen as weak, as the media's playthings. Just because there's peace now, doesn't mean it'll last forever. You should know that better than anyone."
She let out a satisfied huff as she indicated the publications littering Loire's desk. "Just look at this. Zautra underestimated us. He thinks Garden is nothing but a bunch of kids hopped up on magical parasites. He thinks you're a predictable and overly cautious pacifist." Meeting Squall's gaze, her lips widened into a calculating smile. "He made the wrong gamble. We can make this work to our advantage. Squall's right. We have to make a stand now."
Slumping back in his chair, Loire closed his eyes in defeat. "Hyne, help us all. This is madness."
Quistis quirked an indulgent eyebrow at that. "You've come up with your own share of mad plans in the past. Time Compression comes to mind."
A look of pain flashed across Loire's face. "Not the best example," he said quietly, looking over at Squall. "Every plan has its price and my son is often the one to pay it." Letting out a sigh, he absentmindedly began to rub at his leg, a sure sign of the onset of a leg cramp. "I'm assuming you'll be the one to enter the Lunatic Pandora?"
"Yes," Squall said firmly.
"Son, are you sure about this?" the president said with beseeching eyes. "Ever since Time Compression, the Lunatic Pandora has been riddled with time anomalies. It's dangerous. I don't want you to find yourself trapped again."
Suppressing the reflexive frisson of panic that lanced his stomach at the thought, Squall kept his face impassive. "That's why it has to be a single, surgical unit. Three people. It will be impossible to coordinate with more people than that. The time anomalies and energy disturbances make it impossible to use comms. Every team would be operating at rapidly diverging time lapses without any means of communication. If one team finds a way to destroy the Lunatic Pandora or set up explosives, there's no way to warn the others." He steeled his voice. "This is the only way, and I'm the most qualified to lead the entry party."
The president seemed to age before their eyes as he sagged in his chair. "Why is it that you always end up finishing my fights for me?" He rubbed at his face and stretched out a spasming leg. "Hyne, Raine would have my guts for this."
"It's our fight as well," Squall pointed out evenly, ignoring Loire's misguided concern. "Zautra made sure of that."
"I can't wait to see his face when we pull this off," Quistis said with a curl to her lips. "This plan will safeguard all of our futures. We get rid of the Lunatic Pandora's lingering threat, we assert our positions on a global stage and we pull Zautra's teeth. Esthar Garden will be as good as ours." Undaunted by Loire's displeased look at such overt ambition, she turned to Squall. "You want to do this within a week?"
He gave a nod. "Our window of opportunity will close if we let Zautra continue his slandering."
"If we move fast, he won't have a chance to make a countermove," Quistis agreed, picking up a pen and tapping it against her notepad. "It'll be a logistical nightmare to get it all set up this quickly, but that's exactly why it'll make an impact. This will show the world what we can do."
Loire dragged a hand through his hair as he finally joined in on the planning. "I'll have to get creative with my speechwriting to sell this one. For one, I'll have to explain why we're only doing this now, after Zautra pointed it out on national media. Hard to make that look good."
"But we all know you'll manage it." Quistis started scribbling on her notepad, that familiar look of laser focus on her face as she laid out her take on things. "Just say you've decided to listen to the will of your people. That's true enough. By the time we've destroyed the Lunatic Pandora, no one will care anymore who did what first." Looking up from her note taking, she regarded both Loire and him. "Laguna, you'll have to work the political side of this first. We can't make a move without the backing of your Secretaries. The faster the better."
"I'll start making calls," Loire said with a thoughtful nod, making his own notes as he spoke. "I'll be burning through a lot of favors to get this off the ground within the week. Tomorrow I'll get my PR team together, get them working on a plan to roll this out to the public without causing a mass panic. This will take all of my time. Press conferences, interviews, televised inspections, the works. People need to believe in our plan. They need to believe they'll be safe."
Squall frowned at such distasteful necessities. "They will be safe."
Loire smiled wistfully in reply. The first smile he'd spotted on the man since arriving, however slight. "I'll be relaying that promise to my people," he replied with a solemn nod. "It'll go a long way in reassuring them. The knowledge that the SeeD Commander will be on the frontlines."
"Exactly," Quistis piped in. "We play up Squall's involvement. The media won't be able to resist."
Frown deepening, Squall didn't like such importance being attached to his part in the mission. He hated how the press made him out to be some larger than life hero and he could do without Quistis adding oil to that particular fire, as if he hadn't had Garden's full support and personnel behind him for every mission he'd ever done. This time thousands of people would be involved, all of them crucial to their success.
"Don't give me that face, Squall. No matter how humble you try to be, you're not some average SeeD grunt. Your presence carries more weight than you know. We'll use that if we have to." Dismissing his displeasure with a wave of her hand, Quistis pinned Loire with her gaze. "I assume Squall will be working together with Kiros again for the integration and preparation of our forces?"
"Yes, Kiros is the only real choice to put in charge of the Estharian army and police. I'd also like to put Ward in charge of the civilian side of things. If we're closing off the city, then we need to take some crucial measures. We have to check our stockpiles and arrange supply trains. The shelters will need to be prepared and stocked. Evacuation plans need to be put together. The city's defense systems need inspecting. I want all our shields tested and vetted before we go through with this plan. All of this is non-negotiable."
"Of course," Quistis replied easily, writing down Loire's demands. "As for the science aspect, I'd like to arrange a meeting with Doctor Odine as soon as possible. Preferably tomorrow. He'll no doubt be running the science support on this. I want a comprehensive debrief of his latest findings. I want no surprises from that corner." Picking up steam, not even awaiting a reply, Quistis moved her pen across her notepad almost as fast as she was speaking. "I'll be coordinating between all parties to make sure everything goes as planned and stays on schedule. Once the mission kicks off, I think it's for the best if I take charge of the mission HQ together with Kiros, at least while Squall is inside the Lunatic Pandora."
Squall shared a silent look with Loire, the president shaking his head with an indulgent smile. After nearly three years of planning missions together, they both knew that when Quistis got like this, the woman would be foregoing sleep until the minutest details were fleshed out to her standards and satisfaction.
"That leaves the actual infiltration of the Lunatic Pandora. Who do you want on your team?"
Having already planned out this mission in his head ages ago, Squall didn't need to think on his reply. "Zell and Selphie."
"My thoughts exactly," Quistis agreed with a nod, explaining further when Loire raised an eyebrow. "Selphie excels at tech support. Explosives, lasers, drills. She has an eye for destruction, which is precisely our goal." Quistis let out a soft laugh when Loire only managed to look more alarmed. "Don't worry. She's a professional."
"And Zell?"
Quistis let out a thoughtful sigh, glancing at Squall before speaking. "All of us were severely disoriented inside Time Compression. Even when we got out, we were all so out of it. Zell held up the best. If the time anomalies inside the Lunatic Pandora are anything like Time Compression, then that will be invaluable." She gave a fond smile. "He might be a goofball, but he's steady. He doesn't crumble under pressure. He can carry an entire team without anyone even realizing it." Clearing her throat, she looked at Squall again. "I want Irvine as my second-in-command at mission HQ."
"He'll hate that," Squall pointed out uselessly.
"That man will not get away with his underachieving tendencies on my watch," Quistis said sternly, her brow wrinkling. "He's the right mix of laidback and capable to keep people calm and obeying orders when shit is hitting the fan. His quick thinking saved lives during the Lunar Cry clean-up. He's good with the big picture stuff."
"I agree."
"Alright. I'll let them know they're expected in Esthar as quickly as possible. And I'll get in touch with all the Gardens. They need to start calling back operatives from the field immediately if they're going to muster the numbers we'll need." Setting down her notepad, Quistis looked between Loire and him, her eyes alight with purpose. "That's the groundwork all laid out. Let's make every hour count, people. We're on the clock from here on out." She got up from her chair and gestured at Loire. "You should get started on those calls. I'll check in with you in the morning for an update."
Loire shook his head and let out an amused huff. "Between you and Kiros, I'm not sure who likes to order me around more. Sometimes I forget I'm an actual president."
A satisfied smile curled Quistis's lips at that remark. "Even presidents need advisors," she said primly, picking up her work bag. "Sycophants wouldn't suit you anyway."
"I'll take that as a compliment," Loire countered with a smile that was quick to falter when he looked at the tall standing clock in the corner of his study. "Seems like morning is only a few hours away. So much for getting any sleep tonight."
Resigning himself to a sleepless night as well, Squall got up from his chair. "Is Kiros in?" He had several ideas for troop deployment and formations that he wanted to discuss.
Loire nodded, rubbing at his tiredly. "He's been on standby ever since the press started getting out of hand. I can send him your way after I'm done briefing him in the morning."
"Morning being the key word here," Quistis added sternly. "Leave the all-nighters to Laguna and me. You need to rest. We need your absolute best for this mission." Sensing his displeasure, she raised herself to her full height. "I'm expecting you to go in for another check-up with Odine before you go anywhere near the Lunatic Pandora."
"I'm back to usual," Squall said with a deep frown, not liking this turn of events.
"No, you're not. Not as long as you're still on your meds. Without Odine's go-ahead, this mission isn't happening."
"She's right, son. There's too much at stake for anything less than that."
Letting out a sigh, Squall pinched the bridge of his nose and gave a terse nod. "Fine."
"Perfect," Quistis said with a pleased smile. "You can meet up with Kiros tomorrow. I'll arrange for an appointment with Odine some time tomorrow as well. But right now, you're going to catch some sleep. The coming days will be exhausting enough as is."
"Tough love," Loire commented with a wink before getting up from his chair and rounding his desk. Coming to a stand before him, the president clapped a hand to his shoulder and gave an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry you were pulled away from your vacation like this, son. If there'd been any other way…"
"It's fine," Squall lied evenly, hating how the well-intended remark immediately returned his thoughts to Seifer. "I have my duties."
Loire nodded. "We all do. That doesn't mean we shouldn't get to enjoy life every once in a while." The hand lifted off of his shoulder and Loire took a step back. "You'll have to tell me all about your trip when we find some time."
"Which definitely isn't now. We can't get started without—"
"Without political backing, I do realize, Quistis. Sadly I'm well aware when my office and title take precedence." Looking back at him, the president gave a small smile. "I asked housekeeping to put you up in the guest room next to Quistis. Try to get some rest if you can."
Squall let out a sigh, seriously doubting the likelihood. He'd probably be up the rest of the night, pouring over maps and reports, drawing up strategies.
"Well, housekeeping is at your disposal at all hours. Feel free to join me for breakfast in the morning. That goes for both of you."
"We'll take you up on that," Quistis said, realizing she needed to put a friendly but firm end to the conversation if she didn't want the president to start moping and taking up more of Squall's time instead of making those phone calls. "Come on, I'll walk with you," she said to Squall, taking the lead as she walked to the door. Squall followed close behind, picking up the gear he'd brought back from his trip. A duffel bag, a gunblade case, a sleeping bag and a rolled up mattress. No tent, which meant he'd shared one with Seifer. Keeping her expression neutral, she cast a glance over her shoulder to where Loire was walking back to his desk chair. "Stay available. I might still have some things I need to run by you tonight."
"Yes, ma'am," the president said with another shake of the head, before picking up the phone and dialing his first number of the night.
Satisfied, Quistis led Squall back through the sitting rooms and hallways towards the hover lift, all the while studying him from the corner of her eyes. She couldn't pinpoint any obvious changes in him. Definitely nothing that hinted at a whirlwind romance. "Laguna's right, you know," she started, picking her words with care. "It's a shame you couldn't finish your vacation." A minute frown flitted across her friend's face before it was quickly hidden, further stirring her curiosity. "I half expected Seifer to show up here as well. He's still in Galbadia?"
Squall nodded, reluctant to let Quistis steer the conversation to the one thing he'd been trying not to think about. "We were tracking a monster. He stayed back with Fujin and Raijin to finish the job. It was their trip to begin with."
Quistis let out a sigh at the tone of regret in Squall's voice. "Sorry you're missing out," she said, feeling bad now that the most pressing matters had been dealt with. "So it's a monster that caused all those forest fires after all?"
"A fire elemental," Squall said with a nod. "I gave them all the spells I had on me. I need to restock."
Quirking an eyebrow at the generosity that implied a great level of concern for the DC's safety, Quistis took a moment to respond. "Of course. I'll ask Zell to bring your backup stores." Hating the vulnerability that came with not having any spells stocked herself, she quickly added, "Or do you want to draw some from me right now?"
Squall shook his head. "It can wait." He cast her a knowing look, his lips softening at the corners. "I still have Lion Heart and my GFs with me."
"So you do," Quistis agreed with a smile. "But you know me. I've been conditioned to worry." Stopping in front of the hover lift, she called it up and looked Squall's way. "Do they need any backup without you there? Seifer only recently regained his magic and Fujin and Raijin haven't been in the field for a long time."
"They can handle themselves," Squall said quickly, able to imagine the DC's anger all too easily should Garden send in a support team to babysit them. It would be the end of any goodwill they might still harbor for Garden. "Fujin and Raijin haven't let their skills slip. They still run small mercenary jobs when they can."
Quistis' mouth curled downward into a frown as she stepped into the hover lift after Squall and pressed their floor number. "Sounds illegal."
"We didn't leave them any alternative," Squall said sternly. "They had nowhere to go after the war. No ID or papers. No money. Their options were limited."
Flicking her gaze to meet Squall's firm gaze, Quistis let out a soft huff. "I see your protective tendencies have extended to include Seifer's friends. Does that mean you get along with Fujin and Raijin now as well? It sounded like things were tense the last time we spoke."
Squall sighed, recalling the evening he'd made that particular phone call. He'd just stepped outside to escape Fujin's suffocating presence after their first meeting at the inn. Seifer and him had only just been through the wringer in Winhill as well. He'd had little reason for optimism back then. "…Fujin was distrusting at first," he admitted as they filed out of the lift that had come to a stop at the guest floor with a muted ding.
"Fujin was distrusting of you?" Quistis said incredulously, "I still have a scar on my back from her chakrams. Or are you telling me she was brainwashed by Ultimecia as well?"
Squall frowned. "They're the only ones who didn't abandon Seifer. They asked for my help towards the end of the war and I left them to fend for themselves." His voice turned clipped. "They're the only reason Seifer's still alive."
Startled by such vehemence, Quistis held back the sharp rebuke she wanted to speak for Squall's tone even if his words rang true. "I'm glad Seifer wasn't alone then. Even if their methods were questionable. If it hadn't been for them capturing Ellone—" She quickly bit her tongue when Squall fixed her with an angry scowl.
"They had no choice. Following orders was the only way to stay by Seifer's side."
"We all made difficult choices," Quistis conceded carefully, not wanting to repeat the same mistakes as when she'd first met Seifer again. She'd had a lot of time to think since then and had come to accept some of her errors during the war. That didn't mean the Disciplinary Committee was harmless however. "I'm just having a hard time imagining you all hanging out together. You forget we were cadets together. I remember the shit they got up to. The trouble they got you into."
"That was all Seifer," Squall said with a roll of the eyes, not about to admit he'd liked getting into trouble.
Quistis huffed. "Oh, I know." Brushing an errant strand of hair back behind her ear, she turned down the hall to the left to where their quarters lay ahead. "So I take it Fujin managed to get over her distrust?" she started over.
"More or less," Squall said, not sure how to explain. They'd ended things on a friendlier note than a mere truce, but he didn't have Fujin's trust yet either. "She wants to reenlist together with Raijin."
Eyebrows lifting high, Quistis stifled the triumphant smile that wanted to break free on her lips. If Seifer's friends reenlisted, then the man himself wouldn't be far behind. "That could be arranged. I assume they'll want to return to Balamb Garden?"
Spotting the ambitious gleam to Quistis's eyes, Squall sighed in belated understanding. "It's not what you think. They want to stay based in their home in Dollet. Only independent missions at first. A trial period."
Quistis frowned as she came to a stop in front of Squall's quarters. "A trial period?" she said in distaste. "They know what we have to offer. They trained at Garden for years, for Hyne's sake." She shot Squall a narrow-eyed look. "What promises did you make?"
"That I'd vouch for them," Squall deadpanned, weathering Quistis's predictable ire. "And that you'll give Fujin a call to negotiate terms."
Accepting the creased piece of paper Squall fished out of his pocket, Quistis stared down at a messily scrawled phone number and heaved a deep sigh. "So I get to be the bad cop again."
Squall gave a shrug, not bothering with an apology. "Or you can accept her terms."
Quistis snorted at that suggestion as she smoothed and folded the piece of paper and neatly tucked it into her notepad. "I'll give her a call after we deal with the Lunatic Pandora." Fishing Squall's room card from her laptop bag next, she swiped it against the lock and pushed open the door. "How has Seifer been by the way?" she asked as she flicked on the lights. "Since Winhill?"
Following Quistis into the painfully familiar guest room, Squall banned all memory of the passionate night he'd spent with Seifer at the palace and forced himself to focus on Quistis's question. War was a hard thing to forget and he didn't believe something like that could ever go away entirely. Not for Seifer and not for himself. But the past few days spent with Seifer had been amazing. Seifer had been in exceptionally good spirits. At least right up until the arrival of the SeeD scout.
"He's a lot better," he finally settled on. "It's been good for him to see his friends."
Quistis gave a nod at the seemingly honest reply and closed the door, awarding them some much needed privacy. "Glad to hear it." She cast Squall a covert glance as the man set down his things on the nearby cabinet and chose her words carefully. "You're his friend now too. He's not alone in this."
Wincing inwardly at Quistis's well-meaning words, Squall knew that if he didn't come clean right this instant, Quistis would construe the omission as just another lie. But even knowing that, he couldn't help but feel nervous at the prospect of telling her the full truth. He busied himself with unstrapping the sleeping bag and mattress from his duffel bag as he weighed his chances. Maybe she'd react no better than Fujin had at first. Maybe she'd barrage him with the same kind of doubts and suspicions as when he'd been together with Rinoa. Quistis had never had a very high opinion of his suitability as anyone's partner. Or worst of all, maybe she'd revoke her support of Seifer.
Eyebrows climbing high, Quistis watched Squall's expression gradually transform into a deep frown. She'd only intended to give him a slight poke, to see whether he'd react with a lie or change the topic. Placing the room card on the cabinet right beside Squall's gunblade case, she stepped into his line of sight and forced Squall to face her. "Out with it, Squall."
Of course the woman could tell he was holding back something. Only the truth would cut it now, no matter the outcome. Steeling himself, Squall forced his apprehension into a tightly controlled ball and decided to state things as simply as possible. No prevarication or disclaimers. Quistis wouldn't appreciate those anyway. "Seifer and I are together," he said as evenly as he could manage, his heart in his throat as his hands fell away from his duffel bag. "He's my boyfriend."
Quistis quirked an eyebrow at the succinct but heartfelt confession. It was almost endearing how Squall stood there stiffly, studying her reaction closely. He definitely hadn't looked this concerned when Rinoa had made a big fuss out of announcing their relationship.
"Well, I'll admit that last part is news to me," she commented lightly, not beyond exacting a little bit of revenge on her far too secretive friend. "I knew you two were involved, but Rinoa forgot to mention the boyfriend thing."
Speechless, Squall failed to process Quistis's unconcerned expression and blithe words. And then he realized. She'd been testing him, waiting him out. "How long have you known?" he demanded with a scowl.
Quistis gave a small shrug. "Seifer's text messages weren't exactly subtle, and the way you two were around each other when I visited..." She met Squall's wary gaze without flinching. "Rinoa confirmed my suspicions when I asked her."
Squall let out a sigh. Of course Seifer had tipped their hand with inappropriate messages. Unable to muster much relief at the lack of any yelling so far, he didn't know what to make of Quistis's composed responses. "That's all you have to say?"
"Oh, don't get me wrong. I have plenty to say," Quistis replied with a flash to her eyes. "For your sake, it's a good thing you felt compelled for once to actually tell me the truth yourself."
That was definitely more like the Quistis he knew. Pinching the bridge of his nose, Squall readied himself for the argument to come. "I couldn't just tell you over the phone."
"Then why not tell me when I came by Seifer's apartment?"
"Things were still uncertain then," he hedged, not wanting to get into any of the details of how they'd gotten together. "I wouldn't even have known what to tell you."
Picking apart Squall's words and expression, Quistis was slightly appeased when it seemed like Squall was being honest. Rinoa had made similar implications that things between the two had still been new and precarious. "But you're serious now? Committed?"
Squall faced Quistis squarely. "Yes."
"Both of you?"
Squall frowned at the doubt lurking in that question. "Yes."
"I have to ask, Squall," Quistis said unapologetically, pleased with Squall's determination. It was a great deal more reassuring than hesitation, but that didn't mean there weren't any pitfalls that the man was currently blind to. "Until recently I didn't even know either of you swung that way and Seifer never struck me as the type to settle down."
Unable to deny such reasonable observations, Squall tried not to bristle. "We do. And he is."
Another firm defense of his boyfriend. Nodding her approval, Quistis hoped Squall was right. She had no desire to see another partner take advantage of him. "So, what does this mean for the future?"
"How do you mean?" Squall asked warily.
Quistis rolled her eyes at such obliviousness. "I'm asking what your plans are for the future. The practical side of things." When Squall just looked at her dumbly, she let out a soft groan. "Please don't tell me you haven't considered any of this. Will you be moving back to Balamb or not? Is this going to be a long-distance relationship, or are you planning on living together? Has Seifer even considered my offer at all?"
Flinching at the barrage of questions he really should be able to answer, Squall figured he should've known Quistis would immediately try to meddle. "Seifer isn't reenlisting. He has his life here in Esthar," he started with the one thing he was certain of. "I'll visit him when I can in between missions."
"That doesn't answer my question of where you are planning to live."
Squall bluffed with a shrug. "I don't need a place to live. I'm in the field most of the time."
"For Hyne's sake!" Quistis exclaimed, more than a little unimpressed. "You can't keep living like a drifter, Squall. Especially when you have a partner."
Disturbed at how Quistis always managed to get right to the core of his issues, Squall sighed in surrender. "Seifer said I can stay at his place whenever I'm here." He cast Quistis a careful look. "I'll be in Esthar a lot more."
Quistis's eyebrows shot up at that very telling announcement. "Will you now?" she probed. "A lot more compared to when you were dating Rinoa?"
Squall met her gaze soberly. "I want this to work."
At a loss for words, Quistis suddenly got the feeling she was looking at someone she no longer fully understood. In all the time she'd known Squall, the man had never expressed any desires or hopes at all, not when it came to his personal life. Definitely not when it came to love. "…I see," she said, slow to recover from her surprise. "All the more reason to think carefully about these kinds of things."
And in that moment she realized Squall was never moving back to Balamb. If Squall was as invested in this as she now suspected, then it was her duty as his friend to set him up for success, no matter how much it pained her. "If we pull off our plan and get the vote to go our way, you could set up quarters at Esthar Garden once construction is finished," she said, forcing any sadness out of her voice. "You both could, whether Seifer reenlists or not." She raised her finger. "I haven't given up on that yet, by the way."
Raising an eyebrow, Squall couldn't quite follow the quick leaps of Quistis's mind. "I thought you wanted me back at Balamb Garden."
"I do," Quistis said with a wistful smile. "But I also want you to be happy. And it would definitely help sway Esthar's public opinion in our favor. Enrollment would kick off strong." At Squall's unimpressed huff, she added teasingly, "Just think how over the moon Laguna will be."
"I'd rather not," Squall said with a frown, not yet having considered that particular downside.
"All of this is still a long way off, but it's an option. Talk it over with Seifer next time you see him." Watching Squall's thoughtful nod with satisfaction, Quistis weighed her next words. "You really do need to tell Laguna though."
Squall fixed Quistis with a scowl. The woman didn't usually bother him with the whole family reunion sham. "I don't need his approval to see anyone."
Rolling her eyes at the pissy response she should've expected, Quistis sent him a firm look. "No, you don't," she agreed evenly. "But the president needs to know about this. His son is dating the ex-knight of an evil sorceress that rained down a Lunar Cry on his country. Consider the optics if something like that ever got out. Who do you think will be your boyfriend's first line of defense if his dirty laundry ever gets aired? Dating you makes that a lot more likely, by the way. I can see the headlines already. SeeD Commander dating Sorceress Lapdog."
"Don't call him that," Squall warned lowly, cold dread sinking into his stomach at the mere thought.
"The press would, if we aren't careful." Quistis hated being the one to burst Squall's bubble like this, but it was a necessary evil. "Why do you think I asked whether you two were serious? Committed? You might be in denial about it, but you're a household name. Seifer is essentially dating a celebrity. That comes with increased risk of exposure. That has always been true, even when you were with Rinoa. She's a sorceressliving in a country that reviles her kind, but she knew the stakes and accepted them." She gave Squall a pointed look. "Does Seifer?"
Overwhelmed by Quistis's take on things, Squall wished he could dismiss her concerns. She was right. He should've talked about these things with Seifer, but they'd been too consumed by their troubled past to even begin to consider the specifics of a future together. He'd thought they'd have more time to ease into things. The carefree days he'd spent with the DC suddenly seemed like a distant dream, foolish and naive.
Quistis gave a soft sigh at Squall's dejected expression and continued silence. "Look, you don't need to figure out an answer to all these questions right now. Just talk it over next time you see Seifer." Pushing away from the cabinet, she decided to go easy on Squall for now and shelved all other topics until a later date. She needed him focused on the mission ahead first and foremost. "For what it's worth, I'll do my best to help you two any way I can. Have some faith."
Slightly wary of just what the woman meant by that, Squall thought better of asking.
"Take a shower and get some sleep," she ordered as she walked past him, towards the door. "I'll have the kitchens send up a hot meal."
He nodded, his stomach giving a hollow lurch at the promise of food. Glancing at the empty desk that sat at the other end of the room, he frowned in realization. "Can you arrange another laptop? Mine is still at Seifer's apartment." Going over everything he'd need, he added, "I'll need schematics of the Lunatic Pandora. And maps of the immediate surroundings."
Quistis paused in the open doorway at his request. "I'll have our mission headquarters and situation room set up by morning with everything you need. Right now you're going to rest, Commander. Whether you want to or not." Catching his scowl, she softened her expression into a knowing smile. "It's good to have you back. Goodnight, Squall."
Given no chance to protest, Squall watched the door swing shut and listened as the brisk tap of Quistis's high heeled boots traveled back the way they'd come instead of entering the guest room next to his. He suddenly got the distinct feeling she'd chaperoned him here with the sole intent of interrogating him and ensuring he'd stay in his room. He felt drained after the brief confrontation, but for none of the reasons he'd expected. Quistis's easy acceptance was baffling, but at the very least he should've guessed she would immediately try to meddle.
Sighing tiredly, he turned around and let his gaze travel the room. The layout was a mirror image of the guest room he'd stayed in with Seifer and the color scheme was different, but the opulence was equally over the top. The four poster bed looked exactly the same, his mind intent on imagining Seifer stretched out atop it. Suppressing a sharp stab of longing, he walked over to the large floor-to-ceiling windows, drew back the curtains and opened the door that led onto a narrow balcony overlooking the city.
He breathed in deeply as he tried to steady his frayed nerves. The wind was brisk this high up and balmy compared to the biting cold of the Galbadian mountains. His gaze scanned the city's dizzying, nightlit skyline and inadvertently lingered in the direction where he knew Seifer's home to be. The old and rundown neighborhood was too far away and obscured by tall, brightly illuminated skyscrapers to be visible from here. The small apartment might as well have been on the other side of the planet without its tenant home to welcome him in. No safe haven awaited him there now.
He'd expected to charge straight into battle or head to a new mission immediately. He'd hoped to even. It was unlikely he'd get much sleep tonight, work or no work, but he doubted he'd be able to convince Quistis of that. The silence of his guest room was oppressive after days of boisterous company. The last time he'd spent a night by himself was at the Skyway Inn right after Rinoa had broken their bond. Every night since he'd slept in Seifer's company, wrapped in body heat and soft snores. He'd gotten used to the arrangement astonishingly fast. Despite a lifelong preference for solitude, he'd let Seifer make himself right at home in his most private spaces and moments.
After having shared such intense intimacy, it was startling to discover how different it felt to be alone again. Like old clothes that didn't fit anymore or a childhood home outgrown, the once familiar comfort of solitude had become deeply unfamiliar in the span of mere weeks. Even now, he could easily imagine Seifer's arms wrapping around his waist from behind, the scent and feel of him still fresh in his memory. The prospect of returning to his old routines filled him with dismay, but he refused to wallow.
He'd always prided himself on his self-reliance. His self-discipline. He couldn't let himself become dependent on Seifer. He wouldn't.
Deciding to heed Quistis's advice for now, he left the balcony door open to let in a breeze and made his way to the en-suite bathroom. At least he'd finally be rid of all the ash and filth that had gotten absolutely everywhere. He peeled off his dirtied clothes and kicked off his boots, his gaze immediately singling in on the hickeys that still lined the inside of his thighs, close to his groin, as well as a smattering of lighter kiss bruises along his chest. Hidden where no one could spot them, there'd been no need to heal them away.
Briefly contemplating delaying a healing spell until his checkup at Odine's lab the next day, he quickly decided against the sentimental choice. Pulling Shiva into a junction just long enough to cast the spell, he let the restorative magic of a Cure wash through him with a glimmer of green-blue light. The kiss marks immediately vanished, but the unwelcome flashes of memories persisted.
Vivid sensations drifted to the surface of his thoughts as he stepped under the spray of hot water. He could recall with perfect clarity how it had felt when Seifer had sucked and kissed his skin. How the man's deep thrusts had rocked him against a tiled wall, hot water beating down on them in a shower exactly like this one. Frowning at his inability to keep his mind on track, he forced it into a blank as he rushed through the motions and scrubbed the ash and dirt off his skin. Clean in record time without Seifer present to lure him off track, he was pulling on a ridiculously fluffy, white bathrobe when a knock at the door signaled the arrival of his meal.
An impeccably uniformed servant rolled in a trolley that carried several steaming trays and dishes, along with a decanter of water and a bottle of wine. The man accepted his duffel bag with a stiff bow and a promise to have his clothes laundered and returned to him by dawn, no comment given whatsoever on the ash and mud that caked every square inch of the bag.
Closing the door behind the servant, Squall walked over to the edge of the bed and sat down in front of the trolley with another sigh. He was hungry and the food smelled good, but all he could think of was how much Seifer would've loved all this. Foregoing the alcohol, he lifted the lids of the trays and decided to start with what looked like a high-grade marbled steak. Such luxury felt offensive after days of roughing it in the wild, especially when the DC would be living off rationed oats and next to no water for the coming days, but the fighter in him knew to appreciate a warm meal when he could get one.
Once he'd eaten his fill and brushed his teeth, there was absolutely nothing left to distract him from the maelstrom of darkening thoughts that crowded his mind. Attempting to enforce an outward calm even if he didn't feel it, he let himself fall back on the bed and stared at the velvet ceiling of the four poster bed. The outside breeze brushed against his naked legs, carrying in the distant sounds of the city. He was deeply fatigued, but knew sleep wouldn't claim him anytime soon.
His thoughts should be dominated by the mission ahead, the stakes higher than they'd been in a long time. He tried to focus and make a mental list of all the things he'd need to address in the days to come, but without any concrete intel or maps or even a computer, he was doomed to idleness. Which inevitably led to thoughts of the man he'd left behind.
He'd foolishly ignored all the obvious obstacles that still lay in his and Seifer's path. Seifer had promised they'd figure things out, but he was starting to suspect Seifer hadn't given full consideration to what it'd actually be like to date him. The man rarely thought things through, always acting on his impulses. The reality of a monogamous, long-distance relationship seemed profoundly incompatible with someone as effervescent as Seifer. Someone who lived in the here and now, prone to seeking out pleasure.
He didn't doubt Seifer's intentions and knew the man wouldn't break his trust lightly, but he feared he would make Seifer miserable in the long run. Rinoa definitely had been. Could they subsist on brief visits? Stolen nights? Could he be content with so little, now that he knew how good things could be between them?
Rubbing a hand over his face, he wondered glumly how long it would take before Seifer would begin to resent him like Rinoa had. And that wasn't even considering all the things Quistis had just dropped on him. Dating the SeeD Commander compromised Seifer in ways he'd never even considered. Seifer hadn't agreed to any of this.
For now he could only try and focus on what little he did have control over. He would have to make actual efforts this time around. After this mission was done and the Lunatic Pandora was destroyed, he'd sit Quistis down and talk her through the necessary changes. He couldn't return to back-to-back missions like he used to. He needed to actually start taking some of the huge backlog of leave he'd accrued over the years. He couldn't be away for months on end. The parameters that decided his involvement in missions would need redefining.
If he truly wanted his relationship with Seifer to work, then he simply couldn't afford to be indispensable anymore. Ultimately his workaholism was bad for Garden as well. One day, possibly not even that far in the future considering the nature of his work, he'd be gone and Garden would need to keep running smoothly without him.
He'd given so much of himself to keep others safe. Now he finally wanted something for himself and he'd do anything to make it work.
Frowning at such lovesick notions, he closed his eyes and tried to will them away, but there was no banishing Seifer from his as he kept calculating strategies to keep the man by his side. To stop Seifer from leaving him. For the first time in a while, a frisson of fear returned and settled in his chest. Fear of what he might do. How far he might go and how much of himself he might betray for the man he loved.
It would be difficult to find a decent balance between his duty and his feelings. Impossible even. He loved the unpredictable danger of missions and had grown accustomed to his leadership role. He thrived amidst chaos and adversity. He was good at what he did and had worked hard for it. The thought of giving any of it up was inconceivable. The brief deterioration of his magical abilities had only reinforced that understanding.
There was no easy way out of this conundrum. No easy way to be with Seifer.
What he wouldn't give to feel Seifer's mouth on him now, pulling him down under a haze of lust until he was unable to form a single thought. He didn't want to lapse back into old doubts. He didn't want to think at all anymore, but without Seifer here to counter his more despondent tendencies, there was little hope of that. There wasn't even a single way to reach the man right now. And then he remembered. Opening his eyes, he glanced to where he'd left his phone on the cabinet.
Seifer had left him photographs and had intimated they were of the distracting kind.
A thrill surged through him and he nearly pushed up from the bed to retrieve his phone and charger before stopping himself. If keeping the hickeys as a reminder was out of bounds, then so was salacious imagery. Pitiful self-indulgence would only make his predicament all the more difficult. Despite that realization, his gaze kept flitting back to where he knew temporary relief awaited him on his phone.
Scowling at himself and his weakness, he pushed up from the bed and stalked over to his gunblade case instead. Unclasping the lid, he lifted Lion Heart out onto the dresser and studied its surface. Traces of ash were still caked into the smallest recesses of the azure blade, despite his attempts to keep the weapon clean out in the burned woodlands. Retrieving the oil and cleaning utensils from the side compartment as well, he walked over to the balcony windows and set out everything onto the low marble table that was positioned in front of the dizzying nighttime view. He sat down into the plush, velvet lounge chair that accompanied the table and began to dismantle his gunblade with deft, practiced touches, his hands moving on auto pilot. He'd done this a thousand times before, the exact order and pattern in which he laid out all the parts coming to him effortlessly.
Dawn would arrive soon enough, bringing with it the promise of work and distraction in just a handful of hours. Until then, he'd keep his thoughts rigorously under control by focusing on the comforting ritual of gunblade maintenance. Absolute focus on the mission was the only acceptable option.
Every time a memory or concern rose to the surface to disrupt his concentration, he forced his mind back to the simple task at hand.
Every time a flash of Seifer intruded despite his attempts, the knot inside his stomach twisted deeper.
~ o ~
A/N: And so the plot thickens. The next (and the last) arc of the story is upon us. Hope you're still enjoying it ::heart::