Sirius's Pov.:

I saw fresh blood, all I could smell was the thick dirt. Lupin had a shocked expression looking up to me like I was a ghost. His hand was trembling with knuckles almost as white as the window behind him, I could swear he had a blade in his fist, but I wasn't sure.

"What are you doing?" I asked that even when I was certain I knew the answer. "Nothing!" he spit out doing a short fluid movement making his sleeves drop down covering several cuts.

I was next to him in a few steps sliding down on the wall. He grabbled for words. "I just… I slipped and I cut my arm on the… the glass…"

I laid my arm around him in a gesture that told him he doesn't have to explain or make up excuses. I tried to get to him with the shortest uncomplicated question. "Why Rem? Why?"

He looked into my eyes. He sighed "You wouldn't understand…Please…" He paused still shaking. "You have to go to Madam Pomfrey…" I whispered to him holding him tight.

Then suddenly a knock on the glass door drove us apart. "Black and Lupin, you both should be at your classes right now!" Speaking of her.

Madam Pomfrey looked at us rather concerned. Before Remus could do anything, and I knew he was about to make up another lame excuse, I jumped up and was about to tell her to check Rem but she already figured.

"John, get over here let me see your wounds." My eyes widened. Not only did she use his second name but how could she know about the wounds? I decided to just ask her while Remus was stumbling up and to her.

"How did you know he was hurt that fast?" She smirked a sympathetic smirk. "Well, I am a medic, I was trained to notice that fast. Also you two tend to get hurt rather commonly." We spoke while we were on the way to the hospital wing.

"What are you two even doing at the greenhouse in the first place?" She asked looking at me. Remus didn't speak a word till now. "Remus was there to take care of the Alrouns and I had a five minute break." I explained tagging along them to make sure Rem was alright.

"Then I suggest you to return to your class Black." She said cold. I gave a last caring look to Remus who was looking guilty at his shoes then I trailed off sadly.

I had a thousand questions. Why did he do that? For how long has he been doing that? And most importantly how the fuck didn't I realize sooner. I have been at him for years trying to be friends with him and get his attention but nothing worked till he helped us three.

I started noticing his distress since we began Hogwarts. I didn't know why but I knew I had to help him especially since he refused friendship for a long time. I had such a luck he finally let me get to him.

I scolded myself for not noticing what was bothering him. My thoughts were paused when Professor Aldered commanded me inside again since I was too late.

I didn't speak a word for the rest of the class. Sitting in silence and thinking about the last few minutes was all I could do.

Lupin's pov:

And I was here again, sitting on a bed watching Madam Pomfrey bandage my arm. I didn't dare to speak up even though I knew she would want me to tell her.

My thoughts drifted to her. It was rather challenging for her to take care of me. She always tried her best to heal me, but for a woman who just arrived in this field, just finished Hogwarts herself… I thank her every time but I can't really help but feel a deep hate for myself, why do I gotta make her time so challenging?

Taking care of Werewolf bites, claw wounds and blade cuts. At least she learns a lot and understands me better than I thought was possible.

"So, how do you like spending time with Black?" This sentence brought me out of balance. "What?" I asked not understanding at first. "You have been spending a lot of time with him, and I know you enjoy it judging from your less brutal experiences last night."

I nodded, she was right the wounds weren't that bad anymore. Still far from disappearing but it was better. "Why are you still doing this then?" She commented looking at my now bandaged arm.

"You wouldn't understand…" I murmured. I didn't feel the need to put up an excuse, she knew the secret but I wasn't sure if she would understand further. "John… Try and explain please."

I looked up, I always do when someone uses my second name. She does it rather commonly but still it was unusual for me to be called like that. I thought maybe she does so because it is not my actual first name but more personal than my last name.

"It's complicated, I just feel bad for having secrets from my only and first real friends I have. Also I can still feel the Wolfs presence after such nights."

I took a deep breath then I continued explaining. " I just want to hurt that mind of mine sometimes and I don't know how else to stop it other then to harm it… Harm me…"

She was quite for a few seconds then she asked another question. "With what do you do it?" I reached into my cloak and handed over the pocket knife. She flipped it open and looked at the silver blade with no visible reaction. "Silver…" She murmured then she looked into my eyes.

"Please don't overdo it next time or at least come to me fast afterwards then the heeling will be faster and I don't have to stalk you to know you're ok." I nodded.

Did she just admit that she stalks me? Never mind I couldn't judge her, I never tell anything unless she asks or comes checking on me. "You may go now, next class starts soon…" I nodded and stood up.

"And John, maybe you should consider telling them…" I turned around again. "No way! They would be mortified!" She looked at me again.

"You think so? Or would Black be mortified because you have been in pain for so long? He really cares about you…You know…" This option spun in my head.

Every time I thought about that I pushed away believing they would be horrified but she had a point. Sirius cared for me… Would he not care because I was in pain? Or would….

"John… Your class…" Madam Pomfrey grinned at me and I hurried away throwing a: "Thanks!" To her.