As a child, Mitsuru had dreamed of how Father would be once he was free of his burdens. Mitsuru had very faint memories of a father who wasn't weighed down by his guilt, guilt induced by Mitsuru's grandfather.
But that dream had been shattered, by someone Mitsuru had trusted deeply. Ikutsuki's madness led to his death, but not before he dragged down Father with him.
Hot tears stung at Mitsuru's eyes and she angrily wiped them away. She had no time for tears. There was too much depending on her. She still had so much to plan for… She still hadn't been able to muster the courage to inform Mother of Father's death.
Mitsuru hardly had a relationship with her mother nowadays. She could recall memories of her parents, happy together and in love, despite their marriage being an arranged marriage. But all of that had been soured after the incident ten years ago. She hadn't meant to eavesdrop but she happened to overhear servants gossiping about her mother. Plagued by nightmares and guilt of what Grandfather had done for his quest for power. She begged Father for reprieve, to allow her to retire overseas and get away from everything. And Father had acquiesced.
Due to this, Mitsuru didn't have a relationship with her mother. But Mother deserved to know. She shouldn't be left in the dark.
But first, she had to make more progress. The funeral was going to be a subdued affair and Mitsuru had received some thinly veiled comments that it was expected that the funeral was to happen as soon as possible.
And while a part of her rebelled against how the board acted so clinically about Father's death, she also understood the reasons behind it, as much as she hated it.
She had jotted down just a few notes when she heard a tentative knock on the door and then a clearing of a throat, followed by a louder knock.
"Um, Mitsuru?" Akihiko spoke tentatively.
"What is it, Akihiko?"
Mitsuru cringed at the curtness in her voice. She hadn't meant to come off as so terse but she had so much to take care of already.
"Can I come in, Mitsuru?"
Mitsuru sighed, rubbing at her eyes. "I'm very busy, Akihiko. Can't it wait?"
"It's just…" Akihiko stopped short before clearing his throat once more. "Well, I brought you dinner. It's almost eight and Yukari mentioned she hadn't seen you come out of your room at all. I got worried. Yukari's worried too, you know."
Mitsuru pursed her lips. The addition was unnecessary. She wasn't blind to how the younger girl kept attempting to check up on her. But Akihiko was waiting for her to answer.
"You can leave it on my desk. I'll eat once I've made more headway on my work."
Akihiko was quiet for a moment before the door swung open. He carried a bento tray, putting it down on Mitsuru's desk as she directed. The rice grains were plump with black sesame seeds sprinkled on top. To go with the rice, rolls of tamago and stir-fried vegetables and some kind of croquette were placed artistically throughout the bento box.
"Minako helped me with it," Akihiko said with a sheepish smile.
"Tell her thank you, Akihiko."
Mitsuru then reached for her phone, only to freeze at Akihiko's next words.
"I just want you to know that you're not alone, Mitsuru."
Mitsuru bit her lip before she heaved out a sigh. "I know, Akihiko. I do appreciate it. But this is something I must take care of."
But Akihiko continued to press her. "Are you sure there's nothing I can do?"
"You must leave me be. There's much to be done before the funeral and I'm expected to take care of it," Mitsuru said. "Thank you for the dinner, Akihiko, but I must return to my work."
She chanced a look at Akihiko. He pressed his lips together before sighing.
"Okay, Mitsuru. Just—just remember that I wanna be there for you. And… there are others who care about you too," he said quietly.
And without another word, he left.
Mitsuru just closed her eyes, letting out a heavy sigh as she pressed her hand against her forehead. She could see where Akihiko was coming from. She really did. But this was really something that she had to do on her own…
No matter how lost she felt.
Mitsuru despised the hospital. It reminded her of the clean, sterile laboratory she was escorted to, so to run another test. She remembered her grandfather's smooth timbre, coaxing her into just one more test... the way anesthetic would burn her nostrils. And the needles.
Just thinking about it made bile rise up in Mitsuru's throat.
But she's made it a habit to visit at least once a week. Because at least… Shinjiro had a chance of waking up.
Shinjiro Aragaki had not impressed Mitsuru during their first meeting. It had boggled her mind that this rude, foul-mouthed teenager was Akihiko's best friend. He had demanded to be tested for the potential after hearing about Akihiko's plans to join SEES. He had essentially strongarmed himself in.
Looking back on it, Mitsuru thought the reason she and Shinjiro had clashed so much was due to the fact that they were both strong-willed and quite opinionated. Somehow, Akihiko had remained oblivious to their friction.
But they had eventually, begrudgingly, started to work together. Then Hikari Amada died, dead due to Castor's rampaging. Shinjiro's leaving of SEES had not been quiet, Akihiko had been vocal about how he felt about Shinjiro leaving. Mitsuru had just watched with dull eyes, words clawing at her throat, begging to be let out.
She regretted how she handled this affair from beginning to finish.
Mitsuru was tired. Tired of losing people she had cared for. It made her question what she had been working towards this either time. And for what?
Father cold in the ground. Shinjiro, only living, because of all the machinery hooked up to him. All she had… was the dim hope that Shinjiro might awaken.
But she still visited, even as she gradually lost hope that Shinjiro would awaken. Mitsuru sighed quietly, hating the sight of it.
But it was a reminder for Mitsuru. That she needed to do better, so as to prevent the ones she cared about…
"Oh, you're back!" Amada visibly perked up at the sight of them as they walked back inside the dorm. "How was Kyoto?"
"Kyoto is cursed!" Iori blurted out, waving his hands to and fro. "Never go there, Ken!"
One slow blink. And then two more.
"Um…" the young boy trailed off, looking quite unsure on how to respond.
Yukari glowered at Iori before giving him a sharp jab in the ribs with her elbow. "Yeah, well, unlike you, Ken-kun knows better."
"And why was I punished…" Akihiko lamented.
Yamagishi was usually so quiet, so soft spoken. But even she leveled a disappointed look at Akihiko.
"Initiating ignore mode," Aigis intoned.
Amada looked back and forth, his eyes wide and questioning. Mitsuru stiffened at that. It would not do for Amada to discover what had transpired in Kyoto.
"Come now, settle down," Mitsuru spoke up. "It's been a long ride and we do have school tomorrow morning."
The reminder earned her several grumbles. Arisato gave a light laugh before reaching into her bag.
"Did someone request snacks from Kyoto?" she asked with a wink.
Amada's eyes lit up before happily accepting the snacks Arisato offered him. "Oh, you're the best, Minako-san!"
"Can I get that in writing, Ken-kun?" she asked with a laugh and sparkling eyes.
"Oh well…"
With Amada distracted, Mitsuru decided to ascend the stairs. As she reached the door, she felt exhaustion settle over her like a heavy blanket. But at the same time, she also felt at peace for what felt like an eternity. For so long, her entire reason for living had been to release Father from his own burden. But she understood now, that she needed to find her own reasons to live. Father would always be watching over her, after all.
"Mitsuru-senpai?"
She turned to see Yukari standing behind her, hands clasped together.
"Is something amiss, Yukari?" she inquired.
It still felt a bit strange to call the younger girl by her first name. For the longest time, the only peer she had been less formal with was Akihiko. But at the same time… it also felt right.
"I know you're busy and all," Yukari said slowly, rocking on her heels back and forth. "But um… it's my dad's birthday tomorrow. I was gonna visit his grave after school. I was just wondering if you'd like to come too? We could visit your dad too. He did a lot for us, after all…"
Mitsuru couldn't help but feel startled. Even with Yukari offering a hand out to her, Mitsuru couldn't help but feel guilt gnawing at her. Her family, the company she had inherited—they had used Eiichiro Takeba as their scapegoat. And yet, here Yukari was, offering to take Mitsuru to her deceased father's grave.
"Are you sure?" Mitsuru asked cautiously. "I-I don't want to impose."
"Um, well…" Yukari's expression grew almost sheepish. "I-I think Dad would like the company, Senpai. But um, no pressure if not… I know you're busy."
Mitsuru just tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. "It's not that. I-I would love to accompany you."
Yukari's eyes lit up. "Oh, that's great! I'll text you the details after school tomorrow then."
But as she turned to leave, Mitsuru found herself blurting out something.
"Thank you, Yukari."
Yukari's cheeks turned pink and she waved a hand. "C-Come on, Mitsuru-senpai. You don't have to keep thanking me about what happened in Kyoto."
"Well… it's not just that," Mitsuru said, feeling a little bashful. "I just… wanted to thank you for reaching out to me, even with all the troubles you had to bear with your father's death. Because of the Kirijo Group."
Yukari bit her lip. "You've had your own burdens to shoulder, Senpai. And… I'm sorry that I didn't reach out to you about it sooner."
"Yukari, I…"
"So let's make a promise," Yukari pressed forward. "I hope you know that you can depend on me now."
"And you can depend on me as well."
Yukari just beamed, her smile completely lighting up her face.
"Thanks, Senpai." She then let out an embarrassed laugh, her hand drifting to her hair. "W-Well, good night!"
Mitsuru chuckled. "Good night, Yukari. Sleep well."
Mitsuru watched her go with a slight smile.
Yes… she felt more at peace now. She knew what she must do, even with the absences of her loved ones. She had her friends with her. She still could honor her father's wishes… even though she ardently wished he was still here with her.
"You don't have to keep checking up on me."
Mitsuru just chuckled, arching a brow at Shinjiro. "But I want to."
Mitsuru was far from religious, but she couldn't help but think that some higher being was watching over Shinjiro. She still was so thankful that Shinjiro had managed to wake up from his coma, even though it's been months since. Even if it meant dealing with his barbed tongue once more.
"Hmph." Shinjiro just scowled at her. "It's the same deal every time. The treatment's slowly purging the drug out of me, what else do you want?"
"To see how you're doing?" Mitsuru asked, placing a hand on her hips.
Shinjiro just leveled an unimpressed stare at her. "And to recruit you to the little secret organization you've cooked up, yeah?"
Mitsuru pursed her lips. "Yamagishi?"
"Yamagishi," Shinjiro confirmed, shrugging. "She doesn't have a deceitful bone in her body."
Mitsuru shook her head. "The offer will always be on the table. There's no pressure if you don't want to."
Shinjiro just rolled his shoulders before echoing, "No pressure. Never thought I'd see the day where you'd say that."
"Must you always be so difficult, Shinjiro?" Mitsuru sighed.
"Depends, must you act like a walking dictionary?" Shinjiro mimicked her tone before smirking.
"A yes would suffice," Mitsuru retorted.
Shinjiro let out an amused huff. "Where's the fun in that?"
But then he pressed his lips, staring down at Mitsuru.
"But why make this organization?"
Mitsuru sighed heavily. "This experience stole too many people from us. And… we were forced to take on a burden that nobody should have to shoulder. I don't want to see a repeat of this."
Shinjiro seemed to digest her statement, lips so tightly pursed until it formed a thin line.
"I guess… that makes sense," he admitted begrudgingly. "But I still don't know if I want a part of all this."
Mitsuru nodded. "And I understand that. However…"
"The offer will always be on the table, yeah?" Shinjiro just gave her a wry smile.
She wouldn't repeat her past mistakes, pushing for and pressuring people to join her cause. Never again.
"Exactly." Mitsuru offered him a smile of her own. "Though granted, you do still have another year of school left."
Shinjiro simply glowered at her in response. "And whose fault is that?"
Mitsuru simply shrugged. "Your education is important, Shinjiro."
"Yeah, yeah, you've said it countless times," Shinjiro said, rolling his eyes. "Don't you have better things to do anyways than wasting your time on me?"
"Forever with the self-depreciation." Mitsuru shook her head. "But I do… have something else scheduled today. I just wanted to check up on you before."
"Mitsuru, it's been nearly eight months since I woke up." Exasperation seeped into Shinjiro's voice as he shook his head. "Quit mother henning me already."
"Hmm."
Mitsuru couldn't help but be amused. Shinjiro couldn't exactly talk but for today… she'd let it go.
"Well, I really must be off, Shinjiro," Mitsuru said, keeping her voice light. "I'll see you soon, then."
"See you." Shinjiro lifted a hand in farewell.
Mitsuru gave a nod before she left the dorm building. There was a light breeze as she stepped out but Mitsuru didn't mind. Sometimes she spent days in her office, so it was nice to get some fresh air.
It wasn't long until she reached the graveyard. She stopped by Minako's grave for a moment, taking a moment to leave a single red carnation on it. Minako's grave was well taken care of; even though it still made Mitsuru's heart ache to see her friend's grave, it was also comforting that so many people cared for Minako.
And at last… she finally found Father's grave.
"Hello, Father."
She knelt down in front of the grave, taking a moment to rub away the dirt from the white marble.
"Work is busy as always," Mitsuru said. "But… I had to take the time to see you today."
Today's date—November 4th, 2010.
The anniversary of Father's death. Sorrow still clawed at Mitsuru's heart, thinking of Father's fate. Father had deserved better, living for decades more. She still thought of that wine bottle with the engraving of the date of her twentieth birthday, and how Father had once wanted to share a glass of that wine with her one day.
But she was at peace with what happened. She knew what she had to do.
"Everything has been resolved. Tartarus is gone. We know the reason for why Minako had to sacrifice herself." Mitsuru squeezed her eyes shut. "But… I want to do more. I want to make this world a better place. I've established the Shadow Operatives so that people won't have burdens like we had. And… I know you didn't want this life for me. But this is the path I choose."
At SEES's founding, Mitsuru had wanted so desperately to make amends for her family's sins. But this was different.
She had found a purpose, different from leading the Kirijo Group. And while the organization was still young, it also filled Mitsuru with a sense of pride. And… it helped to have her friends' support.
She then rose to her feet, reaching out to run her hand along the curve of the grave. "I just hope that you'll continue to watch over me, Father. I'll make you proud, I promise."
She was going to help create a world where people wouldn't feel so helpless, so that they would stop calling for Erebus. Would it be difficult? Of course it would.
But Mitsuru never backed down from a challenge.
As you guys probably know due to my longfic, but I've always been a huge fan of P3. It was my entry to the Persona series and it holds a special place in my heart. I was absolutely thrilled to be invited to write for the P3 zine, Memories of You!
Mitsuru has always been one of my favorite characters. I love her development so much so it was really fun to touch on it and her bonds. I hope you enjoyed the fic and if you're interested in the P3 zine, leftovers are open! Check out p3zine on twitter for more details!