I forgot to post this on here. XD I wrote this for Trektober 2023 Day 8: Nightmares.
James Tiberius Kirk, captain of the Enterprise, survivor of colony Tarsus IV, top of his class, a man of many talents, and currently an aimless wanderer through the halls. Really it's just the one hall. The officer's hall. He passes by his room again, beginning another lap.
"Get out of here Jim!" Sam's voice replays in his head. The same line that had pulled him from the nightmare. "Don't bother coming back!"
It was one of their last arguments. The fight itself wasn't anything special. Of course, what started it, was always the same. A joke that didn't land well. Differences in memories of the past that they couldn't get to meld together. Sam could do more with his life. Jim needed to learn how to live.
He reaches the end of the hall, and doubles back, passing by his door once more. Now Sam's gone, and his boy. Jim runs a hand through his hair. He had done what he could. The Enterprise is no place for a child, and he, he could never be a father like his brother. Like their father.
In a world of his own Jim doesn't take notice of oncoming footsteps. In his defense, no one was supposed to be around here in the middle of charlie shift. So when he walks right into a firm, familiar chest, Jim is caught off guard. He leaps back to put some distance between him and whoever it had been.
"Is something troubling you, captain?" Somber, and dry. That's the only way Kirk could describe Spock's voice. He must have just woken up, or had been heading to bed.
Jim lifts his head to see a very groggy, bleary-eyed McCoy beside Spock.
Bones reaches out and rests a hand on his shoulder "Why aren't you asleep Jim?"
The captain ignores Bones' question in favor of his own. "What are you two doing awake?"
McCoy throws a thumb back at Spock. "Our friendly vulcan here woke me up to come to check on you." The doctor gives Jim a long look, eyes trailing up and down. "He says you've been pacing the halls rather than sleeping quite often."
"How would he know?" The two look at Spock.
He raises his head. Almost as if he hadn't expected the question. Spock folds his arms behind his back. "You often walk right by my room, captain."
Kirk tries to laugh but it comes out hollow. "I was thinking of my brother." The nightmare had been so vivid in the first few minutes of waking. Now, it grows hazier by the minute. Yet the fear remains. The guilt. "I dreamt about one of our fights." Kirk looks back down the hallway towards his room. "Thought a walk might help chase the nightmare from my mind. I hadn't realized I was so loud." He turns back around and smiles at Spock. "I'm sorry if I woke you."
"Sounds like you need a drink."
Jim waves the offer off. "It's late Bones." They'll all be needed back on duty soon.
"Exactly." Bones presses a code into Spock's door. As it opens he steps into it, beckoning for the others to follow. Apparently, it wasn't just himself who Spock had shared the code with. Jim holds back a laugh. So they all have each other's codes. Starfleet would take issue with that if they ever knew. Not that he would tell them. McCoy waves Jim towards a chair at Spock's desk. "Sit down Jim." He's already treating the space as if it were his own.
Jim looks to Spock, who nods. Kirk takes it as permission to step inside. The two sit around Spock's desk as McCoy prepares drinks.
"Why did we not use your room, doctor?"
"Yours is cozier," McCoy answers carrying over two steaming cups. "Tea for you Spock, and a good ole cup of hot cocoa. Marshmallows a plenty."
McCoy picks up a third steaming mug. He cups it with both hands as steam rolls over his face. He takes a deep breath and sits down in the third chair. "I thought sugar before bed was bad for you," Jim asks earning him a raised brow from McCoy.
"Are you planning on sleeping in the next thirty minutes?"
"No?" Sleep feels pretty elusive right now. Chances are he'll just hed back and get an early start on some work.
"Then drink your hot chocolate and leave your health for me to worry about."
Spock shakes his head. "That would be impractical."
McCoy swipes his hand through the air toward Spock. "Says the vulcan who's never spent a single night fretting over his health."
Another shake. "That's not true."
Rising to the challenge, Bones fixed a finger on the vulcan. "Spock, you once refused treatment for a burn because it would have taken a whole shift to treat."
"I was needed on the bridge."
The doctor pushes his chair up onto it's back legs. "You needed treatment." He insists. "Honestly, between you and our danger-prone captain, I'm never going to be able to retire." McCoy throws his free hand up in the air, and rolls his eyes.
Jim aptly cuts in. "You would get bored if you didn't have us around, Bones."
"Bored and a full night's rest." Despite the sarcasm dripping from his voice, Bones can't hide his smile.
It was a joke. Jim knows that. Even with all the complaining Bones chooses to stick around. Still there's a truth to his words that the captain can't deny. He tries to keep smiling.
It must've been obviously sadder by the way Bones' and Spock's eyes soften. "Jim?" McCoy edges his hand on the table closer to Jim but stops himself short. "Ah, I didn't mean it like that."
"You're fine Bones. I understand."
"It seems Dr. McCoy's bedside manner suffers when he's tired."
"I'd like you to find anyone who's cheery after being shaken awake."
"Spock shook you awake?"
"I swear Jim, that vulcan had me by the shoulders, just shaking me like I was a rattle and he enjoyed hearing the sounds of my brain rolling around."
"Human brains do not sound like rattles when they move, doctor."
"I don't even want to know, why you're so certain about that."
Spock raises an eyebrow as he turns to stare the doctor down. McCoy rolls his eyes and holds his hot chocolate closer to his chest. Jim watches the pair with tired, half-lidded eyes. Warm eases the chill in his bones. The sweet bitterness of the hot cocoa is a welcomed reminder of better times.
"Well, I'm happy to see you smiling again, Jim." McCoy's wearing his own soft smile. He leans closer to Jim, clear blue eyes meet his own. "What were you thinking about?"
"Nothing."
"If it was a pleasant memory, perhaps sharing it will keep you from suffering another nightmare once you go back to bed."
"Trying to throw us out already, Mr. Spock?"
"No." Spock takes a long sip of his tea. When he sets the cup back down, there's noticeably less tension in his shoulders. "Captain, if you are willing to share your thoughts," Spock leans his elbow on the desk. "they may provide us with insight for future solutions if this ever becomes a problem again."
Jim runs his left thumb over the cup's handle. "I was thinking of a memory."
McCoy scoots closer to Jim, sitting on the edge of his seat. "About your brother?"
With a slow nod, Jim acquiescence and shares the tale.
One year when they were stationed on a derelict satellite, doing their best to keep it functional until Starfleet could haul the replacement over, his father had been able to procure organic, Earth-grown cocoa. Sam and their dad had gotten into a bad argument the day before. Sam wanted to go home, back to Earth. Even Iowa winters were better than living on that junk heap. However, their father had a job to do. Responsibilities to see through. The day after Dad had gotten the cocoa, Jim and Sam woke up to the scent of chocolate all throughout their small apartment on the satellite.
The two of them practically raced each other out of bed and into the kitchen. There was George Kirk senior, with two cups of freshly made hot cocoa in hand.
A sense of peace had chased away his fears.
It was the most serene Jim had ever seen his father.
Bones rests a hand on Jim's wrist. His fingers slowly trace the edge of Kirk's sleeve. Cool, soft skin, casually rubbing along his own.
Sam sat down across from their father, and with the way those two carried on in that moment, one could assume they'd never had a fight in their life. The best of friends, truly.
If only.
"Your father and brother did not get along?"
"Dad had expectations." Kirk offers, not really wanting to get all that deep into it.
McCoy slips his fingers under Jim's sleeve. A kind, understanding, sad smile dresses the doctor's face. He presses them into Kirk's skin. "Most fathers do."
Spock nods solemnly.
This moment of solidarity, of great kindness, and unquestioning understanding should be a source of strength for Jim Kirk. Instead, it sends his mind into deeper depths. How's David? Was he well? Once more the urge to reach out battles against old promises.
If he could be a dad, what sort of dad would he have been?
Jim won't lie, he doesn't really know how to act around children. He's either too stern, too unwilling to understand, too much like a soldier to ever be a father. Somehow, deep in the core of his soul, Jim knows. He too would become a father with expectations.
David's better off.
"Well, I better be heading back to bed."
"Really?"
"You haven't finished your hot chocolate."
Jim looks down at the mostly filled cup. He's barely had a sip. Taking in the aroma had been enough of a distraction.
"Exactly." McCoy shrugs and brings his own mug back to his chest. His eyes widen before he scowls at Kirk. He forcefully wags a finger Jim's way. "Besides you'll have to wait thirty minutes. That is unless you want your stomach waking you back up." The wagging moves down towards Kirk's already unsettled abdomen.
"You worry too much."
"As McCoy has been fond of saying, it is his job to worry."
Well, there's no winning when they work together. Jim shakes his head and picks up the mug. He takes a deep breath. Warm chocolate and melting marshmallows mingle old memories with the new.
It's warm in his hands, and cozy in Spock's room. Sam and he may not have always gotten along, but neither did Sam and their father. They had moments. Times when it was all okay. He lifts his head and watches the other two. Spock's eyes are closed as he takes a large sip from his tea.
McCoy was watching Spock with a knowing look. Chocolate covers his bottom lip. The doctor quickly licks it off, before catching Jim. "See something you like?" He asks with a wink.
Spock raises his brows and opens his eyes. He offers the pair of them a curious look. Bones smirks back. Jim covers his own smile with his mug.
Nothing beats Earth grown chocolate.