Anonymous 1- Thank you for your kind comment! I want to be able to tell you that you will get more of the siblings, but unfortunately, even in canon, her siblings are not entirely around much being at Redmond, or in the war. You will get them through various letters, and time periods of course, but maybe it's my unease with them that makes it impossible for me to write them fully in? I also feel given the heavy emotions and topics of this story, it would fall short if I added more POVs in it than what I have already written for it. I wish I could, but I feel like it would distract from the story itself and make it confusing. Thank you for enjoying the Jem and Faith story which I wrote not long ago, took me years to sort it out and feel comfortable writing. But I adore you for saying that you enjoyed them!
Anonymous 2 and Guest-It is gutting isn't it? I love that you have seen through the lines of my writing and the tangled web of what am writing. But yes Ken is really stepping up onto the plate that he doesn't necessarily have to, but having a sister, makes him reconsider and do it. While her parent, definitely allow her to make it her decision, I do try very hard to make them of the time, but also loving parents who are there for their children. They get preoccupied with the war, but i don't think Rilla was completely ignored or neglected.
After much back and forth the Fords don't make the two-day trip to the island. Ken told them it made no sense, they would come for a day before turning around to go back to the city with him so he could make it back for school course selection and Owen's publisher's meetings. Ken is the one who tells them to not make a larger deal about this than it truly was. He didn't want this to turn into a circus, some sort of town spectacle for Rilla's sake. Quiet, relaxed and just not more than a fuss than it had to be. It made no sense for them to come all the way to the Island just for one day. While it made sense, she could tell his parents were disappointed, and if it bothers Ken he says nothing about it.
Her own parents, break the news to her siblings, explaining delicately the arrangement that had come about, while she was hiding up in the bath. Her sisters come knocking, it's not like they haven't shared the bathroom in moments as such as before, but more self-conscious than ever, Rilla locked the door to them, waiting until they leave, and the water is cold before drying herself off and scurrying to her room in her robe when she does feel brave enough to come down the stairs, she hears her parents and Susan sorting out details.
"A marriage license," Father says quietly. "I'll have to sign for it."
"A dress," Mother adds, and Rilla almost finds her rolling her eyes. A dress? The last new dress she had….no she can't go there. "and cake do we have anything for cake Susan?"
"Of course," Susan tells her parents matter-of-factly.
"A ring?" Ken says speaking up which surprises her, she didn't know he stopped by gain. She gathers up courage and goes down the stairs and they all look at her.
Mother pats the cushion beside her, Ken was sitting in her spot, and it would be impolite to ask him to move, husband-to-be or not. Ken seems to pick up on the silent look gets up and goes to look out the window.
"We'll need a ring?" He repeats, looking at her, but the look in his eyes as focuses on her and nods his head and waves to let her have her spot. She takes it pulling her feet up.
"You can have one of my rings, Rilla always liked my engagement ring?" Mother says after a moment.
"Thank you, but I think I would rather find something?" Ken says shaking his head. "I have savings, I can buy her something new."
"Plus, Jem wants it for Faith one day, I will not take that from him," Rilla says quietly from her spot. Mother looks at her and smiles weakly. Rilla could be vain at times, but she was never selfish.
"So he did," Father says nodding his head. "We'll take the train to Charlottetown tomorrow morning and get what is needed, you ladies can settle things here. I will call on the Manse and ask Mr. Meredith for his help in the matter later tonight."
So her Father and Kenneth go into the city on the first train of the morning. Rilla tries to picture them sitting on the train, what does one talk about in circumstances such as these? School? Plans? The war? Kenneth had asked her if she wanted anything special but only shook her head. He nodded his head, slightly disappointed but understanding, but asked her if she had a ring for sizing, she nodded her head and went up to her little room found a ring that fit on her ring finger and gave him the simple silver ring she had gotten one Christmas as a present to show the shop owner.
Trying to make it something special, her Mother and Susan rip apart and remake one of her sister's longer white dresses that is no longer worn. If she was going to be married, a dress to her ankles would be needed. It was already made of white net edged with floral embroidered bluebells over the bodice, sleeves and two flounces of the tiered skirt. Her mother worked a few pieces of white and blue embroidery on the bodice's belt. Something new, and blue her mother said as added the quick stitches. In the end, layers of silk tulle and mesh, breezy and light, something Persephone herself might wear if Rilla considered it.
They keep asking her questions, but she mostly leaves them unanswered. Why would she know what sort of flowers she might like? This was all moving at a pace she was not used to, it was a whirlwind and she could stop it. More than once she runs to the bathroom, the kitchen sink and whatever she ate bubbles up in her throat. Peppermint and ginger tea did nothing to help, and that was all her mother could think of at the moment.
She felt out of place in the long skirt that fell to her ankles. When she tried on the dress for a final time. Di and Nan, tease her when they see her, making Mother send them a look of behave. Walter says nothing, but Shirley tells her she looks pretty in his sincere shy way.
Her mother digs out her old veil, but the idea sends Rilla into a dizzy mess. This was no happy joyous occasion. This was…a necessity, not a dream wedding she once had.
Ken finds her curled up in the window seat when he returns, hiding the drapes. He takes her hand as he sits next to her, which had been manicured and filed nicely for the first time in a while and she jumps almost out of her skin. Her heart is beating fast, but he holds it gently as she stares at him with wide frightened eyes. He slides on a simple band of gold, carved around the base that held a small emerald and surrounding little pearls of accent. Her favourite colour, she had begged her father for an emerald earlier this year for Christmas now that she was getting older. Rubies may be her stone of birth, but emeralds were green.
He watches her, not saying anything as her brain reminds her that she's safe at home, looking at the ring at the same time. She knows Ken…she was about to become his wife. Her heart relaxes, and her shoulders relax slowly as she calms down. She doesn't speak, eyes roaming over him until she does something that shocks both of them. Moving, curling up so her head is in his lap, hair draping over him.
Safe.
Did she feel safe with him?
Her siblings are talking amongst themselves, lounging about. Nan is going on about Jerry being away, with Di reminding her he'll be home sooner than she will believe it. Shirley snorts lightly, not quite believing that sentiment, but keeps quiet as he sits at the piano bench, tinkering away with childish tunes.
Walter is reading or trying to his eyes narrowing slightly when he notices them.
Virtue, how frail it is!
Friendship how rare!
Love, how it sells poor bliss
For proud despair!
But we, though soon they fall,
Survive their joy and all
Which ours we call.
Whilst skies are blue and bright,
Whilst flowers are gay,
Whilst eyes that change ere night
Make glad the day;
Whilst yet the calm hours creep,
Dream thou—and from thy sleep
Then wake to weep.
"Really Walter, can you be more depressing," Di says speaking up from his outspoken thoughts of Shelley. "Shelley is never the answer."
"My apologies for not being willing to see the good in the days these passing," Walter says quietly.
The morning comes all too quickly,
She almost trips on the last step of the stairs, but Ken manages to catch her and hold her hand. "All you have to do is say no, I know I'm no David to look at, but no need to try and need to throw yourself down the stairs to get out of this."
Rilla just looks at him…falling down the stairs would hurt. It would hurt a lot but it feels a little late for such things. The thought reminds her of Hades and his underworld, was she dragging Ken into her Hades that she had entered and found she could not escape?
"I tripped on my dress," she says quietly.
They walk together into the living room together, both shaking slightly with what they are about to do. Una smiles kindly to her, and her mother and Rosemary dab their eyes. She can't figure out what kind of tears they were. Happy, sad? Generic wedding tears?
The ceremony is simple, a white and blue dress, with something borrowed from the dress, and something new was the pearl combs her Aunt Leslie had given her only weeks back, while something old was the three-strand string of pearls brought out from her jewellery box for her hair. Ken in the only suit he brought with him this summer in the middle of the living room at Ingleside, his cousin Martin, an older man her parent's age, with greying hair and his younger cousin Daisy were there.
Reverend Meredith resides over it, keeping it practical and simple, while Rosemary Meredith stands beside her mother. Una was there, standing beside her, so Walter was standing beside Kenneth. Di and Nan sat on the couch, in one of the pretty dresses they wore, though Nan seemed out of place, pale like a statue as she grasped her twin's hand. This was more than Jerry being gone it felt like, while Faith sat quietly in a corner most likely thinking about Jem, but gave Rilla the sweetest kiss on the cheek and heartfelt congratulations. That everything would work out, that she would be all right.
Shirley watching from his chair, the only other person too young to be a witness, then again was she old enough to be a bride? Walter…Walter stood in the corner, unhappy with the world that made this happen. There is no reason for wedding wishes and poetry about love. No 1st Corinthians, explaining that Love is patient and love is kind, that there is no envy, nor does it boast, it is not proud, there are no wrongdoings.
There is no love and the more she thought about the more she wanted to run away and hide away. She feels slightly ridiculous being so dressed up, but her Father has the camera in his hands. Her Ruddy hair is tied back in pearl combs in an attempt to make her feel older.
Her father even has the telephone off the hook for the next hour.
He nods to Reverend Meredith granting his permission to begin.
It's simple and to the point.
They both say I do, and Ken slides the gold band, before replacing the emerald ring onto her finger. She doesn't remember him taking it back, nor was she expecting a small wedding band. Make it look real…make it as if they loved each other.
"I pronounce you husband and wife," Reverend Meredith says shutting his bible. "So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one put asunder."
She feels Ken squeeze her hands once more.
There is no kiss, no frothy veils or blossoms in her hair.
Susan made a cake, Rilla's favourite white with lemon and decorated it beautifully with scrolls and little roses. Because even a day like this calls for cake. It tasted like nothing to her, merely playing with it, until Ken quietly switched her plates and finished hers as well.
Her Mother is misty eyes, and her father is solemn.
"Your act of selflessness will never be forgotten in the eyes of God," Mr. Meredith claps his hand on Ken's shoulder.
Her stomach rolls, for the first time that day.
She had almost forgotten about the thing that had made all of this happen.
The sideboard is full of food somehow, but Rilla ignores it all sneaking out to the veranda for fresh air. Looking at the rings on her finger. Not sure what she was terrified of these days. She…was fifteen and married, having a baby she didn't even know if she wanted or not.
"Do you need a moment alone or can I stand here with you?" His voice asks and she can't answer him. She can feel them, their hands under her skin, on her thighs…growing inside of her. Parts of her want to run and jump off a cliff if it wasn't more of a sin to her soul.
"Rilla?" He asks once more…tears running down her face.
"What do your parents think of this?" She asks him
"They are understanding," he says after a moment. "A bit shocked but understanding. Mother will write to you, she wants to make you feel welcomed into the family and that you don't have to avoid them."
"I can't forget them, they are everywhere, I feel them, I hear them, I dream of them…" Rilla tells him. "Now, somehow I am married but have never even been kissed?" She tells him before blushing through the tears she brushed away with the back of her hand.
"Mr. Meredith—," Ken says quietly. "We didn't think…we didn't want to upset you or make you feel like it was needed?"
"No one even asked me," Rilla lashes out slightly. Her nails clawing at her arms enough that he takes her hands in his.
"I'm sorry," Kenneth says, his face falling thinking how just yesterday she felt safe enough around him to take a small cat nap. Today she was spiralling, and he didn't know how to fix it.
"Kiss me, please?" She asks almost pleading in a way unsure of what she wanted or felt, but how can you be married and not even have kissed a boy?
"Are you sure," He asks, not wanting to upset her even more.
She looks up at him with her dented lip and hazel eyes and nods her head.
He takes a step back and down, coming closer to her height so it feels more natural. How many girls has he kissed? She didn't want to know, but his lips were soft against hers.
She imagined many first kisses, but this was real and surreal.
"Rilla?" She hears her name be called out. Ken takes a step back, opening his eyes to look at her. He kissed her forehead gently, squeezing her hands.
"You are the sweetest thing," he whispers before taking a step back as one of her sisters comes out looking for her.
"Susan made tea?" Nan says, a catch in her voice as she looks at their closeness.
"We'll be in a moment," Kenneth says to her.
She wakes up in a panicked daze, her heart beating rapidly.
Safety.
Get To safety.
She opened the door to her room, the house was still and quiet. Her parent's room was closed,
"Never go in if it's closed," her brother's voice said knowingly. Teasingly in the back of her brain from long ago.
She knew she could knock, she knew if she knocked they would open and comfort her but a slightly ajar door caught her attention. She looks down at the ring on her finger.
Her bare feet are silent as they cross the hallway. He's asleep on his stomach hair sticking up, a bare arm above the colour quilts.
"Rilla?"
He says as if he can feel her watching him sleep, turning to his side, half sitting up leaning on an arm. No shirt, he was sleeping after all.
"I can't…every time I close my eyes," she says. "I don't want to be alone?" Her voice is weak and tiny. "I don't want to wake my parents."
"Come here then," he says holding up the blankets. "If this makes it worse, tell me."
Rilla nods her head and crawls into the blankets. The bed is tight, but the warmth of his body makes her feel safer. She brought back to the afternoon she fell asleep on the sofa
"All right?" He asks as she settles. His arm was lightly at her waist, no other place to put it.
"I think so?" She says so unsure, she turns to face him, laying her head on his shoulder curled up protectively. Safe, yet she was this close to a man.
She drifts off slowly, hearing the quiet of their heartbeat beneath their skin. If he's uncomfortable he says nothing, but he's also seen the dark circles under her eyes. She was still restless but she slept more than she had in what felt like ages even if she was awakened by her brother's voice in the hallway.
"They are married, Walter? if she went to him as it seems like she did, what are we supposed to do? We all know she hasn't been sleeping, let her have this while he is here?" She can hear her father say.
"But!" Walter says almost squeaking,
"What going on?" Shirley speaks as if he is popping his head out of his room.
"Nothing," Father says, "and no buts Walter. I didn't scold any of you that night because we had larger problems, but now is a different story. I think you forget that we would not be here and she would not be in this state if you looked out for her, kept an eye on her. Instead, you left her to her own devices? To let her wander off alone? Honestly, how could you do that to her, your baby sister? So yes I didn't scold you then, and I wasn't going to because I am sure you have enough of your own guilt. But you all disappointed us that night regarding your sister well well-being and reputation. If you just did what we ask she wouldn't be married at fifteen, she wouldn't be saving face every time every time your mother has company over, trying to go on with her life as if she doesn't know everyone knows. The only saving grace is that people are horrified and understanding about her situation. Enough people saw her bruised and bleeding that there can be no confusion. This isn't some situation of two young adults blinded by love, where the old gossips throw stones and ruin lives for the ignorant sake of social propriety they esteem too. If your sister feels safe enough to accept his proposal, to marry him, safe enough to actually sleep and I don't have to rely on the medicinal way, then I will allow it and look the other way. Ken's a good man, he won't take advantage of her nativity or trauma."
She doesn't hear what her brother says next, but Ken's arms tighten around her. They don't speak as they wake up fully. They needed to get ready for church, Rilla slips from the spare bed, finding that Monday was also at the foot of it. She shakes her head and tiptoes into the washroom, she looks in the mirror. Still pale and haunted, her stomach flips as images flash in her mind.
Tea and toast are waiting in her room for her when she goes to dress for the day. She munching on it trying to settle her stomach. No one mentions that she wasn't in her room this morning, though her brothers are brooding and glaring at Ken.
They go to church for the first time together, she hadn't gone since the time she ran from the gossip. She holds her head as high as she can, despite the queasiness of her stomach. Would her marriage would be mentioned in the bulletin? Mr. Meredith assured Mother the whole thing would be handled as delicately as possible, but if you wanted the word to be spread, the church was a place to do it.
She ignores the stares and whispers. Ken kept his hand in hers, squeezing it gently when he felt her back go straight.
"Small things worth mentioning, there will be tea afterward as usual and please lend your heartfelt congratulations and prayers toward Kenneth and Rilla. Who has recently married, while thinking about what to say I came across something written down in a margin and I elaborated on it. 'The road may be unsteady and least likely chosen, but it takes strength to stand up for injustice'. I thank you for protecting the young women of this congregation. I am sure whatever the future holds will become everlasting and special between you both as you grow and navigate the bonds of marriage together." Mr. Meredith says before dismissing everyone.
The rest of the day is watching the ticking of the clock, he planned on taking the last train to Cape Traverse to get the train in New Brunswick in the morning. They make tentative plans, maybe she could visit for Christmas? Maybe he will come back here? Letters, there will be letters though.
His bags are packed and Susan packs him a basket of food.
She watches him go, as she watches her brothers go.
Her parents stand near her, but leave enough room for an ounce of privacy.
"I'll write to you and call when I can?" He tells her. "Keep me updated on what you can, honestly I know it's not your favourite subject but I don't mind hearing about the baby if you do want to tell me something." He says quickly.
Rilla nodded carefully, looking up at him she didn't want him to leave.
"Goodbye, Rilla-my-Rilla," he whispers before he does though
"Goodbye, Kenneth," She says kissing his cheek on her own prerogative making him grin beam at her. Something in her stomach flutters.
"Kiss me goodbye?" She says quietly, wanting that moment of flutters, that feeling that reminds her she's safe around him. Something leaves her, because Ken merely nods his head, taking his hat off for a moment he blocks people's views. He kisses her sweetly, holding her waist lightly. Hugging her in a way until the train whistle blows once more.
She watches him step away, hops up the steps and waves at the door. Her parents come closer to her keeping her close to them as they watch the train leave. People around them are watching him as her Mother wraps her arm around her daughter's slim shoulders.
Rilla looks down at the ring on her finger.
Married.
She was married, yet nothing had really changed. She was back to shorter hems and her hair half up, half down in curls.
"Let's go home shall we?" Anne says. "We should probably lengthen a few of your dresses for you?" Rilla looks down at the white stockings that went with her white dress. Her ankles are on view as the skirt only reaches the bottom of her calves.
"If you think it's time?" She says quietly. How she had begged for longer skirts, but now the idea terrified her? It made no sense.
"Maybe you can pin your hair up as well now?" Mother adds on, twirling a tendril of hair that went down to her waist.
She can only nod her head.