Hello! I'm sorry for not updating for a while. I've been working long days lately. Hopefully, that ends soon! I want to thank you for all your comments and encouragement. I know I am not the best at replying or acknowledging your comments, but I want you to know they mean the world to me. To know that people are enjoying the things I wrote is truly an honor!

Pittsburgh, PA – October 2005

Elizabeth's breath hitches when she sees the house from the window of the rental car. Two feelings bubble up inside her at the same time. One is telling her to run straight into Henry's arms. And one is telling her to get as far away from him as possible. She grips George's hand tighter and swallows. Her throat is dry. She wants a drink. She wants a pill. She wants a lot of things. Mostly, she wants the courage to walk up the driveway and knock on the door.

"I don't know if I can do this." She says. Shame crosses her face. George reaches out and pats her shoulder. He doesn't say anything. He wants her to decide on her own. He's here for her. Whatever she needs, he's her support person, a job he's been taking seriously. The drive from DC to Pittsburgh had been rough. She's not sharing her feelings with him. He doesn't think she's sharing them with anyone, including the therapist he takes her to see once a week. He watched helplessly as she had chewed on three pills on the four-hour drive. She does it so mindlessly now. He worries about the pills. He knows they are becoming a problem.

"You don't have to. But I think you want to." He tells her, hoping he's not making the wrong call.

"I don't know what I want anymore." She admits. Does she want to continue this fight? She has done nothing but fight for a long time. She's exhausted. She's scared. She doesn't know what's next. But she does know that her children need to know she's alive. They deserve better. And so does Henry.

"I'm scared." Her voice is barely a whisper. She's been scared for as long as she's been exhausted. It's a constant state of being. It's overwhelming.

"You don't have to do it today. You don't have to do it at all," George concedes, "But I think you need to see him." He tries to push. He's been afraid to push. He knows she's been through hell. He's afraid that any push could break her. And he doesn't want to be the reason she breaks.

"He'll be so mad." Elizabeth sighs. She can't get Conrad's words out of her mind. She knows he's a liar. She knows that he would do anything to protect himself, but her doubts are eating her alive. He had said Henry didn't want her home. The man had told her that, too. Over and over again. She had been tortured. She had been raped. How could Henry want this broken person she has become?

"He's going to be in shock. He's going to have questions. And he is going to be mad. But at the end of the day, Elizabeth, he is your husband. He loves you, Bess. Anyone could see that." But as George is reassuring her, Elizabeth sees the woman. A tall, slim redhead with a pregnant belly. She's the type of woman that would catch Henry's eye. Beautiful, sophisticatedly dressed. And pregnant. Elizabeth feels her stomach drop.

"Oh god." She says under her breath, and the car is too small. And the windows aren't open. And she needs out. She has to get out. She feels her chest tighten.

"I can't do this." She opens the car door and jumps out. She can't breathe.

"Elizabeth." George tries to get her attention. But she can't move. What is left of her heart shatters on the spot. Conrad Dalton is a liar. But he didn't lie about this.

"I have to go." Elizabeth is running. Her knee unexpectedly burns, but she won't stop. She won't ever stop.

"Elizabeth," George calls after her, but she keeps going.

"Please." She doesn't have the strength to cry anymore. She can't. If she does, she's sure the world will swallow her whole. But at the end of the block, her knees won't hold her up anymore. She collapses onto the concrete and doesn't bother getting up. She can't. The weight of everything is too much.

"Bess!" George runs after her, sliding onto his knees next to her, "I'm here."

"She's pregnant," Elizabeth says. It's a fact.

"Yeah," George whispers, trying to pull her close. But she's unresponsive.

"He has moved on." Elizabeth breathes out the sentence. The one thing she had been holding onto was that Conrad had lied to her about this. That it wasn't true. That her husband would wait. That his God would have done something divine to keep them together. Henry had always promised her that there was not a force in the universe that could keep them apart. He had told her that he would love her until the sun ceased to exist. And he had always kept his word. But now, his words are hollow.

"Let's get you out of here," George says softly, picking her up. He takes her back to the car, and she doesn't speak the entire way back to DC.

Pittsburgh, PA – November 2005

She follows them, this time from their home to Henry's parents. She keeps her distance. She's been doing it for weeks. She is following them around Pittsburgh. Henry and her children. And the unnamed woman. She cut her hair off and dyed it brown, almost black. She tails them expertly, as she was trained to do. They haven't noticed. Henry is too preoccupied, and she's sure her children don't recognize her. She made eye contact with Jason accidentally a few days ago. He had smiled a crooked smile that reminded her so much of Will she had to stop for the day and go to her hotel room to cry. Her baby is not a baby anymore. None of them are. They are all so big.

It's Thanksgiving. If it were three years ago, she would be home in DC in her house with her babies while Henry cooked the best meal she'd ever eaten. They would laugh, and eat, and play games, and make love. She misses her life.

She's not sure who the redheaded woman is. Not really. She does know that Henry loves her. She has watched him care for the woman the same way he cared for her when she was pregnant. The kids love her too. Elizabeth has been replaced. There is a gaping hole in her chest, but she doesn't have it in her to care because that hole has been there since the IED went off, and it has done nothing but expand since.

She bites down on the pill in her mouth, releasing its bitter taste. She's grown accustomed to it the way one does coffee or beer. She had to beg for the prescription for this last refill. She's sure the Military doctor just gave it to her because he felt so bad and didn't know what else to do. It's the strongest pain medicine available and the only thing that will stop her brain from thinking. It's a nice escape from reality and a welcome friend.

She follows them all the way to the McCord family home. She watches as Anne and Patrick McCord warmly greet the woman. Her father-in-law hugs the woman. The woman who is carrying Henry's child. She should be angry, but she's not. She's hurt, deeply hurt. Patrick never liked her. He called her Queen Elizabeth with her sister-in-law behind her back. Elizabeth didn't have her parents, and when Henry brought her home with him for the first time, she thought she had found the family she had always wanted. But they were distant and judgmental. She spent a lot of time on her first visit wondering how Henry, her thoughtful and poetic Henry, came from a man like Patrick McCord.

Elizabeth watches them go inside, and she wants to follow, but she doesn't. Instead, she pulls out a bottle of pills from her pocket and pours three into her hand. She swallows them quickly and turns on the radio. She thinks about calling George, but he's visiting his sister in Maine. He had begged her to come with him, and now she's wishing she had. She would rather be anywhere than where she is right now.

She doesn't wait around to watch them eat. She's had enough for today. Her chest hurts, and she can't breathe, and her brain feels as if it is melting. So, she drives.

Pittsburgh, PA – December 2005

Jessica is coloring a picture of Santa Claus with Jason when it happens. A cramp so tight and painful that it takes her breath away. It's been happening for the last hour, she didn't believe the first one. But now they are incredibly steady. She places a hand on her belly and breathes through her nose and out her mouth until it passes. When the pain leaves, she looks down at Jason and says, "Jason, sweetie, can you go ask your daddy to come here, please?"

"Okay, mommy." Jessica smiles. He has recently started taking to calling her mommy. It made her heart swell the first time she heard it, and she cried tears of joy. Now, she smiles every time he does it. She can feel Henry's apprehension with it, though. He is happy his son loves her, but he can't help but feel guilty about it. Elizabeth gave birth to him, and he can't remember her. He knows Jason has no solid memories of his mother and that Jessica is the only mother he knows. So, he tries not to let it bother him, but the guilt still creeps in.

"Daddy!" Jason yells as he runs into his home office. "Mommy says come here!" Henry smiles a semi-fake smile and nods. He is trying to focus on his work, but it is getting harder by the minute.

"Ok, little man, let's go see what Jessica wants." He can't help but subtly remind his son that she is not his mother.

He enters the kitchen, where Jessica is sitting at the table, breathing heavily. He is by her side instantly. "What's wrong, baby? Are the babies okay?"

She smiles and nods, "I think it's time."

Henry is stunned for three whole seconds. He knew it was going to come anytime. She's thirty-six weeks. Twins usually come around that mark. But it seems like yesterday, she told him she was pregnant. He can't imagine not being terrified. He is going to be a father of five soon.

"Okay. I-I have the bags ready... And the car seats." Henry's actions finally catch up with his mind. He is calling his mother and gathering the three kids and all their gear. He's going to be a dad again. It still doesn't feel real, and he's sure it won't until his boys are in his arms.

…X…X…X…

Jessica has been in active labor for eighteen hours. She's tired and hungry and scared. But mostly, she's exhausted. Henry is rubbing her forehead as she now lays post-epidural in bed.

"You are doing amazing, Jess. I'm so proud of you." She smiles weakly at him and closes her eyes. She has been sleeping off and on for a few hours now.

"I'm scared," Jessica whispers. This was her plan. This was always how she was going to trap him. And she has always wanted to be a mom. But now that she's here, it's terrifying. "I'm not ready."

"Yes, you are. You will be a great mom. I do not doubt it. These boys are lucky to have you." He smiles at her, "And so is Team McCord." He admits. He loves her. He really does love her. And life's journey has not been easy for him. It's been rough, and he never saw this coming. But he's happy. When Conrad came to him and told him Elizabeth was never coming home, he never imagined he would be this happy again. He never imagined he would love another woman. He certainly didn't imagine a family with her. But life has a funny way of surprising you.

The next two hours pass in a blur. Before she knows it, Jessica is holding her firstborn son. She looks at Henry and the tears that are in his eyes as he looks at 'baby a' Andrew James McCord. Jessica looks at their son. Their perfect little boy. She feels a rush of love and a wave of terror. She doesn't want to hurt him. She doesn't want any of her children hurt.

"He's perfect." She whispers under her breath and smiles big.

"He is." Henry kisses her forehead. His hand touches his son's cheek lightly, "Hey, little one, I'm your daddy." He whispers.

The new parents get fifteen minutes with Andrew before the nurses take him to the warmer. It's not enough time, but they are happy. They are parents now. Henry holds his wife's leg up while she delivers 'baby b' Robert Joseph McCord. He is smaller than his brother, but he's perfect.

Their hearts flood once again. As Henry looks at his fifth child, he is amazed at his capacity to love. Before Allison was born, he had been terrified. He thought there was not a single possibility in which he could love another child the way he loved Stevie. But he does, every time. Every child brings with them something new, something special, something that he cherishes.

"I love you." He tells his wife, kissing her lips softly as their infant screams at all the lights and sounds now available to him.

"I love you, too." She cries. Her hormones are crazy, and her heart is overflowing. She's scared and excited, all at the same time. But Andrew is placed back on her chest alongside his brother, and she forgets her fear. Her sons are everything she's ever wanted. Henry is everything she's ever wanted. And now, they're her life.

…X…X…X…

George is with her tonight. He thinks it's unhealthy for her to continue to stalk her family. She thinks he's wrong. This is her family. These are her children. They have no idea she is even alive. She doesn't want to tell them. She can't. But she wants to see them. Henry hasn't been home for the last few nights, and neither has the woman. Elizabeth knows she's given birth. It kills her. She is supposed to be the mother of all of Henry's children. She is supposed to be his wife.

She's high. George has started calling it what it is. Elizabeth hasn't. But George lived a long time at the bottom of a bottle of scotch, and he knows a person with an addiction when he sees one. He doesn't have it in him to confront her about it. Not yet. He thinks the time will come. He knows Elizabeth is fragile. And the last thing he wants to do is upset her.

"Do you think Henry insisted the baby has a saint's name?" She asks. He did with Team McCord. Stephanie Jean: St. Stephen; Allison Jane: St. Jane Frances de Chantal; Jason Patrick: St. Patrick. Elizabeth had thought it was ridiculous, but she knew it meant something to Henry.

"Probably. The McCords are a traditional family." George shrugs, taking a bite of the Chinese food they had ordered.

"They are," Elizabeth sighs. They watch the minivan finally pull into the driveway of the new McCord's.

"Who would have thought? Henry McCord is driving the minivan he swore he never would." Elizabeth tries not to feel the pain in her chest. She takes another pill and waits for the numbness. George clenches his fist around the steering wheel. He is going to have to intervene soon. Elizabeth is on a dark path, and he doesn't know if she can find her way back.

"Do you think he's happy?" She asks him, looking out the window. His face answers her question. He walks around the van and grabs a car seat and then another. Twins.

"God." She whispers.

"I'm sorry, Bess." He says, but she waves him off. She watches as her kids run out to greet their father and the woman. It's faint from her distance, but there's no mistaking it. The word mommy comes out of her son's mouth as he runs to the redhead. And the last string holding Elizabeth up snaps.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me." She doesn't mean to say it. But the pain is excruciating. Worse than the torture, worse than the rapes. Her son, her lucky number three, is calling another woman "mommy." And Henry is allowing it.

"This isn't happening." Elizabeth is frantic. The room is closing in. And the world is spinning. And everything is too much. "He wouldn't. Henry would never. Get me out of here. I don't... I can't be here anymore." She decides instantly. She will never lay eyes on her family again. She's been completely replaced. Her husband doesn't want her anymore.

"Elizabeth." George tries to reason, but he doesn't understand. She pushes him away and starts grabbing at the steering wheel, "Okay!" George exclaims forcibly and puts the car in drive. She's breathing hard, but she can't breathe. She doesn't understand. How could Henry do this to her? How could he give up on her so easily? She's angry. And hurt. And done. Elizabeth Adams McCord is dead, and she'll stay that way.