The sweet echo of the cork popping as Donna pulls it from the neck of its bottle has never sounded so satisfying. After the last few days, she's more than earned herself a glass of wine. In fact, she's earned herself the whole damn bottle and as she pours a generous amount into her glass she counts out two seconds longer than usual. She should probably wait until Rachel gets here, but, honestly, she needs anything and everything to dull her feelings at the moment.

God, the nerve of the man.

Just thinking about what he'd said to her, the hard edge to his voice as he'd chewed over the words, the distaste in his gaze, something she'd never once in their twelve years together had directed toward her, is too much. It makes her blood boil. Makes her heart clench in her chest. It hurts. Deep, deep down.

Luckily, there are three quick raps on her door a moment later and Donna abandons her glass on the counter for a minute as she glides through her apartment to answer the door. Her best friend smiling and holding up a bottle of her own as she enters the apartment.

"I've already got a bottle that's been breathing but yours is very welcome indeed." Donna chuckles, heading back to the kitchen as Rachel follows. She's quick to pour Rachel a glass of her own and the two of them settle on opposite ends of the couch quickly enough.

The pair chat for a few minutes about nothing, the casual talk between friends that know that there's a lot being unsaid.

Rachel is the first to broach the topic of what has actually brought them together tonight. "Donna, you said you were lying when you lied about never being able to go back. What did you mean by that?"

Donna lets out a long, defeated sigh, casting her eyes downward for a moment before bringing her wine glass up to her lips. "It's complicated," she answers, evasive as always when it comes to talking about her true feelings about her and Harvey.

Rachel won't have it, not after the week they've all endured trying to get through this adjustment. Not to mention she can see her friend is in pain, no matter how much Donna doesn't want to admit it. "Nope. That's not going to fly this time. After all this time something had to have happened to make you leave."

Her gaze is direct and patient all at the same time. That and the culmination of every ounce of feeling Donna has been through recently push her over the edge, a single tear escaping and rolling down her cheek as she bites her lip and shakes her head. But Rachel is choosing to be there for her in her time of need so the least Donna can do is tell her the truth. "He told me he loved me after the Liberty Rail mess was over."

The brunette's jaw drops and her eyes widen in surprise as she exclaims, "He what?"

Chuckling darkly, Donna sips her wine some more, girding herself to lay bear the humiliation she's felt. And the heartache and frustration. It's time she lets it all out. It's been a decade of guarding her feelings, keeping them as close to her chest as she can so no one ever sees the truth and she just can't take it anymore. It's what's led them to this point as it is.

"That night he came over… and we were drinking and laughing and he didn't bring up what I'd done or what he'd done to fix it once. And I was so grateful. Not just for him fixing it, but for giving us a normal night. For giving us a reprieve from all the stress. And then he started saying all of these sweet things about how he'd always protect me and how my having faith in him meant more than anyone else's."

Now that she's started, the words just come tumbling out. Donna gasps for a breath, squeezing her eyes shut as she forces the rest out, the memory of that moment playing in vivid color behind her lids. "And God, it's so like him to say something like that and to look at me in that way that makes my heart melt. But it's Harvey," her brown eyes open to latch onto Rachel's again, anguish radiating through them. "So he said how he needed to leave and got up, grabbed his coat like it was nothing, but I just couldn't let it go. Not this time. So I asked him why. Why did I matter more than everyone else and he fucking told me I knew why. Because I'm Donna and I know god damn everything. And then he said he loved me and just walked out."

The man had sucker punched her and had the audacity to just walk away. Not that she should be surprised because Harvey runs away from anything that makes him uncomfortable. The second a true, deep emotion becomes involved he bolts or deflects or lashes out. She knows better than anyone his coping mechanisms when it comes to feelings he's not ready to deal with. After all, she's been watching him do it for over a decade now. Why would something of this magnitude be any different?

Rachel sits in stunned silence, reaching out a hand to squeeze Donna's knee. "Wow… that's…"

"A lot. I know," Donna says with another watery chuckle, far too close to tears for her own comfort. She gulps down another slug of wine. "And the worst part is he wouldn't even acknowledge it. I had to confront him about it and do you know what he fucking said?"

Donna's tears turn to an expression of rage as her gaze bores into Rachel's. "That he only said it to make me feel better. Out of god damn pity. Which is such bullshit," the redhead seethes. "I even called him on it and he could barely look at me." The memory is too painful to go into detail with. Just thinking about the way she stood there asking him how he loved her, trying to force an honest answer out of a man who's so afraid of his own feelings he'd never be able to voice them had been one of the worst moments of her life.

That's when she'd known that they couldn't go on the way they had been anymore. For years they've been burying their feelings, hiding behind work and friendship, while keeping each other at arm's length. Well it hasn't done a bloody thing to keep her heart from falling head over heels in love with him. Turns out the joke is on her.

Because that's what Harvey's declaration had done to her, unlocked a part of her heart, of her consciousness that she hadn't even been aware of. The man had bulldozed right through the brick wall she'd been building piece by piece since the day that she'd met him to keep him from getting too deep. To protect herself. From exactly what is happening now. For as much as Donna would love to deny it, she'd known nearly from the start that he was someone special, that if she wasn't careful he could sneak through her defenses.

First it was coworkers, and then it was friends. Then whatever they'd been The Other Time. The beginning of the end it would seem, not that either of them could have predicted they'd come to this.

And Donna is not the type of woman to lay herself at a man's feet that can't even acknowledge what they are to each other.

"Donna, I am so sorry," Rachel tells her earnestly, at a loss for words.

All she does is shake her head, waving a hand as if that can make the pain she's feeling so deep within her soul go away with it. "It's okay. I should have expected it. But I had to do what was best for me. And I just… I can't keep doing what we've been doing. Every day. As if it's not there." The very thought sucks the air out of her lungs. She hopes that her friend can understand her feelings without her having to spell it out more than she already has. It's humiliating enough. To be rejected by the man you're hopelessly in love with and going to Louis is the only way Donna can see to move on with her life.

Rachel doesn't disappoint, that sympathetic caring expression of hers boring into Donna's heart as she gazes back at her. "I support you, Donna. Whatever you need, you know I'm here for you." And she does. Truly. That's why she's so thankful the woman tucked across from her on her couch is here right now. "Is there anything I can do?"

If only there were… Donna shakes her head, red waves bouncing around her face as she lifts her glass to her lips once more. "No, it's fine. It'll blow over. He'll be mad and an asshole and unbearable until he gets over it. Which he has to because I am not going to change my mind." Her tone is fierce and determined, but there's an underlying hint of discord Rachel must pick up on.

"Do you really want it to?"

Donna just stares at her, gobsmacked for a second as she tries to process her question, even more so coming from her friend after everything she'd just told her. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, do you really want all of this to blow over. To go on like nothing's happened?" Rachel's gaze grows pointed, piercing.

Inhaling deeply, that fresh pull of oxygen expanding within her as she processes the question, the implications, Donna lifts her arm to rest on the back of the couch, leaning her head into her closed fist. "I don't know."

Which is probably a lie. Because from the moment Harvey had walked out of her apartment a week ago, all she'd been able to think about was this. How did she feel? How did he feel? What could she do about that? How had she been so naive for so long? How had her own feelings slipped right past her until they'd been staring her back in the face?

"But it doesn't matter," Donna continues, bringing herself back to the conversation before she can spiral within her own head. "Because Harvey isn't in a place where anything could happen. Clearly. And I can not keep putting my own life, my own growth before his. It's not fair to either one of us."

The look between pity and compassion Rachel gives her sinks Donna's heart. The last thing she needs right now is doubt over her own convictions. "Okay, Donna," is all the brunette says, her tone of voice disheartening.

She can do this. She can cut those hazy ties, the blurred line between colleagues and everything. Right now things are as bad as they've ever been, they feel hopeless, like they will never be Harvey and Donna again. And maybe that's exactly what they both need. The very notion kills her, slices to her core. But life is hard, and sometimes, people just aren't meant to be together.

Gun to her head though…

Donna prays she and Harvey will one day beat the odds.