Nathan slipped the bit gently into Newton's mouth and pulled the bridle over his head. Newton seemed completely back to normal now, and Nathan wished he could say the same for himself.
For a long moment, Nathan leaned his head against his friend's warm neck, just listening to the familiar sounds of the stable. He was always more comfortable here than almost anywhere else in town. Unless, of course, he was with Elizabeth. These days he could be just about anywhere with her and be at ease.
It hadn't always been that way. In fact, not that long ago, just seeing her walking down the boardwalk brought up all of the heartbreak again. But once he reconciled himself to the truth that she had chosen Lucas, Nathan had found some peace in letting go of the hope that they had a future together as more than just friends.
Until recently.
In the last few months, Nathan had watched an extraordinary thing happening. Elizabeth was opening up again. Not just to him, but it seemed, to life. They had laughed together as they used to, and shared confidences. And beyond that, Nathan had found himself at first confused and then encouraged by the way Elizabeth had seemed to seek him out, and the look in her eyes as she did. There was a softness, a tenderness, that reminded him of their early days together.
Almost as if she might be allowing herself to love him.
Nathan knew Elizabeth too well to be fooled by the mask she had been wearing since that day she had said she wasn't in love with him. As he'd told her out by the log, he knew she felt the same way he did. But he also knew that fear can be paralyzingly powerful.
A Mountie understands fear, or he doesn't stay a Mountie for long. It's a constant companion – around every corner, behind every tree, in every abandoned cabin as you peer through windows and break down doors. But Nathan had long ago decided not to let fear keep him from doing the job he loved.
He understood Elizabeth's fear intimately. He had loved his sister deeply, but Nathan couldn't protect Colleen, and he'd lost her. Until he met Elizabeth, he had vowed never to love again to avoid that pain, but he realized now that we don't get to decide those things.
The heart wants what it wants. From the moment she had stepped into his office, Elizabeth Thornton had taken up residence in Nathan's heart. It certainly wasn't his choice, and he'd spent years trying to let her go, but he finally simply resolved that he would live with her there inside him and appreciate the fact that he was still able to watch over her and the town they both loved.
But lately, Nathan had watched Elizabeth's mask begin to slip.
She'd nearly perfected the smile that practically yelled "I'm fine!" to the world around her. She and Lucas were unashamedly affectionate in public, which always felt to Nathan as if Elizabeth was trying too hard to convince herself that the decision she'd made was the right one. But he loved her, and if that was what she wanted, then he wouldn't make it harder for her.
The Elizabeth of the last few years had been indifferent, at times cold and cruel, and much like he imagined she might have been in Hamilton. A little flighty, clutching Lucas's arm as if she might fly away if she lost her grip. Laughing just a little too loudly. Pushing down the essence of who she was in order to fit a mold that seemed safer than that of a Mountie's wife.
Nathan knew what pretending to be happy looked like. He had watched his mother do it for years.
On a deep breath, he pulled his head away from Newton's sleek neck, and put his boot in the stirrup. In one fluid motion, he was in the saddle.
Taking one last look around Newton's stall, Nathan couldn't know that just a few short weeks ago Elizabeth had been standing here in a full panic, barely balanced on the precipice of the realization that the love she felt for Nathan was simply too powerful for her to deny.
As he rode out onto the street, the sun was just coming up. Elizabeth and Lucas should be in Capital City by now. Nathan couldn't bear the thought of seeing the town without her in it, at least for this morning. He'd fixed Allie's lunch and left her a note, knowing she would understand. Allie knew Nathan better than anyone, and she seemed to know that Nathan still loved Elizabeth. But in the same way he had tried to move on, Allie had reconciled herself to the fact that Elizabeth had chosen a different life.
Minnie would be taking over Elizabeth's class until the campaign was over, and then if Lucas won and they moved into the Governor's mansion, the town would conduct a search for a new teacher.
Nathan couldn't think about all that. Right now he was just trying to get through this first day without her.
As he rode past the last of the buildings in town, Nathan was able to breathe easy again. He began to focus on the tasks he had set for himself: to visit some of the outlying families and make sure they were having no trouble with their water, to go by Bill's cabin and be certain there was no work being done, and then to do a ride completely around Hope Valley as he often did, making clear to any strangers that a Mountie was on duty.
By the time he made his way back into town, Allie was just finishing school, so he headed to the row house to fix her a snack and see how her day went with Minnie.
"It wasn't Mrs. Canfield. It was Mrs. Thornton!" Allie said, as he jumped down from the saddle.
Nathan frowned. "She didn't leave on the train?" he asked, slapping the dust from his trousers and walking up the steps.
"No. All she said was that she had decided to stay, and then she hurried into our lesson."
"Decided to stay for good, or just not to go for the convention?"
Allie rolled her eyes and smiled. "She wasn't really open to questions, Dad. In fact, I got the feeling she didn't want to talk about it at all. I'm just glad she didn't leave. We love Mrs. Canfield, but she's not Mrs. Thornton."
"No… she's not…" Nathan said absently, hanging up his hat and gloves and moving to the kitchen to wash his hands. She didn't leave. Why? Because she couldn't bear to leave the children? But Lucas had to go. Is she having second thoughts about moving to Capital City? She was so sad in the schoolroom when she said she would follow him…
Allie was narrowing her eyes at Nathan. "I think they're clean…" she said, tilting her head and looking at his hands. "You could probably help Dr. Carter with surgery right now."
Nathan looked down at his hands, and Allie had a point. He chuckled softly and rinsed them off before reaching for a towel.
Allie raised an eyebrow and smiled knowingly at him. "I wonder why she didn't go?" Then she laughed and said, "I'll get my own apple. You seem to have a lot on your mind."
Nathan narrowed his eyes at her playfully. But as usual, Allie wasn't wrong. He did have a lot on his mind.
It was so tempting to simply walk down the row of houses and knock on her door, but his pride stopped him. He had made his feelings clear in her classroom, and if he flattered himself, perhaps it had made a difference. But it was as far as he felt he could go. He was dying to ask Allie if Elizabeth still had her engagement ring on, but he knew if Allie sensed he had rekindled hope, she would as well. She seemed to have navigated the hurt fairly well, and he had no desire to reopen that wound.
The next day, Nathan decided to tackle the tall pile of paperwork he had on his desk, while wrestling with whether he should walk out to pick up Allie from school. He found himself looking up countless times – hoping to see Elizabeth in his doorway. In the end, it was Allie there, being, as usual, direct.
"What's up?" she said, coming in and plopping herself down in the chair opposite him.
"Nothing," he said leaning back. It didn't even sound convincing to him.
"Uh-huh," Allie said, sighing and leaning back to mirror him. "Well then, you won't be interested to know that Mrs. Thornton is not wearing her engagement ring, and that I heard Mrs. Yost whispering to Fiona that the wedding is off. She said Mrs. Thornton is staying in Hope Valley for good." Allie made a show of checking her fingernails for dirt while she allowed Nathan to process this information.
Nathan wondered if Allie could hear his heart beating from across the desk. Because to him it sounded like the thunder of a freight train.
He only saw her once in the next two days, on the other side of the street talking with Rosemary. She looked up at him and waved as he drank his coffee, leaning on the post outside his office. His mind went immediately back to the day she had seen him through her binoculars, and after that, the storm and their fight at the cabin. He was immersed in his thoughts as she continued walking with a wistful smile, and he thought he saw her sigh. She looked so sad and so small, it was nearly impossible to control the desire to run across the street and take her in his arms.
The entire town was plastered with posters for the election, and Bill asked him to be on duty guarding the ballot box during the voting. It was a testament to the town's trust in Mountie Nathan that no one considered this a conflict of interest or gave a second thought to the personal implications to Nathan of Lucas becoming Governor. He was busy all day, and kept waiting for Elizabeth to come through the door and into the voting booth, but as the sun began to set, he wondered if she was going to vote at all.
Needing to stretch his legs, he stood and went to the door to get some fresh air on the stoop outside the courthouse. He had barely closed the door behind him when he saw her. She was walking alone with her head out toward the sunset, looking so beautiful in the golden glow, her skirt swaying gracefully from side to side in a tempo that he could recall with his eyes closed. His breath caught and though he wanted to escape back to his post at the ballot box, he couldn't seem to move.
She looked ahead and saw him and for a moment she stopped walking and just stared. He could see her breath coming faster, and he suddenly felt that she might have waited all this time because she was nervous about seeing him. He was experienced enough with Elizabeth to know that her nervousness could stem from any number of reasons – not all of them in his favor – so he stayed silent as she began walking again and made her way up the steps.
"Hi," she said softly.
"I wasn't sure you were going to vote," he said gently, with no recrimination. "I think you and I are the last ones." Elizabeth realized that she had longed to hear his voice, to stand close to him, and as she looked back up at him in the light of the setting sun, his red serge was so bright that she had to squint her eyes slightly.
She smiled weakly at him. "I wanted to avoid the crowds." She sighed and looked out at the town. "People have so many questions."
Nathan blinked in the lowering sun and said softly, "Then I won't ask any."
For a moment they just stood there, not knowing what to say. Unconsciously, she folded her left hand into the pleats of her skirt, and she realized that it was out of embarrassment. "I'm sure you've heard…" she said quietly, her voice trailing off.
Nathan nodded. "That must have been very hard for both of you."
She looked up, feeling she might break under the weight of his kindness. She exhaled and said, "I was dreading it, but he didn't seem as surprised as I thought he would be. And when he got on the train, I felt… relieved." Elizabeth peered into Nathan's eyes, now so very blue in the encroaching twilight. "Is that terrible?"
"No," he said quickly, and he reached his hand out in comfort, but stopped himself halfway and put his hands firmly behind his back, looking down at the boards of the landing. "No. It's… honest."
When he looked back up, her eyes told him that she wanted to say something, but he could see the struggle there. The silence lengthened and Elizabeth's cheeks reddened as she looked down.
Mercifully, Nathan spoke. "We… we don't have much time…" he said, inclining his head toward the courthouse door. "We should probably…"
The sun had dropped below the horizon and Elizabeth pulled her shawl around her, feeling a chill. Without thinking, Nathan reached out and pulled it close around her shoulders, and for a split second she closed her eyes under his touch.
If I had any doubt about my decision, she thought, I don't now. This feeling is so much more…
Nathan opened the door and as she walked into the room it felt dark and close, and much warmer than the outside. Elizabeth removed her shawl and stepped over to the table to pick up a ballot, looking up at the large clock on the courthouse wall. She turned and handed the ballot to Nathan as he came in the door and said nervously, "Looks like we're just under the wire."
Nathan took the ballot but then handed it back to her. "You go first. I'm supposed to vote last and then lock the box." He pointed out the curtained area, and Elizabeth nodded and disappeared behind it. Within just a few seconds, she was back and folding her ballot to put in the box.
Picking up another ballot, she smiled up at him and said, "Your turn." He took it and reached around to lock the door. "Protocol," he said, with exaggerated importance in his voice and a raised eyebrow. "Security."
Elizabeth smiled widely and nodded. "Of course. Mustn't ignore protocol."
Nathan smiled back at her, and he knew they were both aware of the strange intimacy of this process, and how quickly they had relaxed into the comfort of having each other near. So much depended on the outcome of this election, but in a way, this felt no different than a late-night talk over apple juice, or laughing about butter churns, or Elizabeth offering a muffin to Nathan on his horse. The formality of what they were doing felt in stark contrast to their friendship which had become so easy in recent days.
"I'll just…" he said, tilting his head and walking around the curtain. He quickly checked the box next to Lucas's name and folded the ballot. As he came out of the booth he stopped.
Elizabeth was standing with her back to him, and he could see that she was staring at the large painting of Hope Valley on the far wall. He saw her shake her head slightly, and then she whispered, almost soundlessly, How could I ever have thought I could leave here?
Nathan stood for just a moment longer, giving her privacy, before he spoke.
"Elizabeth?"
She turned around suddenly and he realized he didn't have any idea what he was going to say. The words I love you were burning in his chest, but the memory of the last time he'd said those words to her made him stop. This time he needed to listen. Nathan sighed and raised his eyebrows in a question, but he stayed silent.
For a moment, Elizabeth closed her eyes, gathering her thoughts. The first words were easy because she'd wanted to say them for such a long time.
"Nathan, I'm so sorry. I've put you through so much, caused you so much pain, and I never meant to. It took being right on the edge of making a horrible mistake for me to realize how much I…" She stopped, aware that the words were coming out too quickly.
Nathan took a step forward. "How much you…what?" he said softly.
Elizabeth swallowed hard, not quite ready to say it. "How much you mean to me. How hard it would be to leave you. Not just Hope Valley, but you."
He took another step forward and paused, not wanting to rush her, but desperate to hear anything she had to say to him.
Elizabeth took a deep breath. "There have been two times that you've asked me questions that I couldn't answer. Out at the dock, you asked me what was in my heart. And in my classroom, you asked me what I want."
This time, Elizabeth took a step forward, and she was so close that Nathan could feel the warmth of her body as he breathed in the light scent of lavender on her skin. Both made his head spin a little, just as they had while they were decorating his Christmas tree nearly three years ago. As he had then, he couldn't stop himself from gazing at her lips and wondering what it would feel like to press his there gently.
"I've realized that the answer to those two questions is the same," she said. "I was so afraid of getting hurt again that I haven't been listening to my heart. But it keeps getting louder…"
In wonder, Nathan watched as she reached her fingers up and ran them lightly across his cheek.
She was almost whispering now. "But I'm afraid I might be too late…"
Nathan closed his eyes and shook his head lightly. "Not too late…" he said, just before she stopped him by raising up on her toes and touching her lips lightly on his. He exhaled as his eyes flew open and he took her face in his hands. "Never too late…"
Her arms went around his neck and their lips met with an urgency that took them both by surprise, fed by years of longing and the sudden realization that for the first time, finally, they were both in exactly the same place. Not one reaching and the other turning away, no cryptic comments and sidelong glances. Just the purity of two hearts blending together, standing level, wanting the same thing.
Elizabeth pulled away and Nathan could see the tears in her eyes. "Not too late?" she asked, her voice choked. "Can you still love me? After everything I've done?"
"Always," Nathan said tenderly, moving a curl away from her eyes. "I will always love you, Elizabeth."
"And I can finally say it. I love you. So very much, Nathan." He bent and kissed her again, this time more tenderly, taking in every nuance, every sigh. Elizabeth pressed closer, losing herself…
"Nathan?" Bill's voice called from outside the door as the knob rattled. "Why is this door locked? Are you in there?"
Nathan moved Elizabeth's head to his chest while he fought for breath. She held him tightly, listening to his heart pound, just as she had on that day so long ago when she thought she'd lost him.
"Yes, Bill. Just packing things up," Nathan managed to say, but Elizabeth was beginning to giggle and he felt his own laugh bubbling up. Just like two teenagers getting caught, and by the town's Judge, no less.
"Well, let me in and I'll help you." Bill paused and they could hear his familiar impatient tone. "Are you alone in there?"
Elizabeth couldn't help it. After all this time, everything was right with the world and the world just wouldn't give them some privacy.
"No, Bill," she called out.
"Elizabeth?" Bill asked incredulously.
"Yes, Bill," Nathan said. They were still firmly in each other's arms and he wasn't about to let go.
They actually heard a "Harrumph!" outside the door, which set them to laughing again.
Another long pause while they held their breath.
"Fine. Just wrap it up because the stage is waiting to take the ballot box to Union City."
"Just a few more minutes, please, Bill," Elizabeth said, as she placed tiny kisses on Nathan's neck.
"Maybe more than a few," Nathan whispered in her ear.
They could hear Bill's steps retreating on the wooden steps.
"Maybe a lifetime," Nathan said softly, as his lips found hers again.