The klaxon roar of cars mixed noisily with the off-rhythm clattering of hundreds of footsteps and endless chatter, from hushed phone conversations to jubilant laughter between friends, settled uncomfortably in a lone pink-haired girl's head as she tried to push her back closer to the wall of the building she was resting against. Back aching painfully as she pressed it against the unforgiving surface, Luka pulled her hood up to try and stifle some of the barrage of noises and offensive stimuli assaulting her senses, her head feeling thick as a dull fuzz permeated her entire being.
Nervously twisting her fingers around the ends of the drawstrings of her hoodie, the gentle sound of fabric rhythmically rubbing against each other as she idly pulled them back and forth anchoring the frazzled pinkette's thoughts, Luka did her best to try and blend in with her surroundings, sapphire eyes scanning the sea of people for any sign of a familiar set of twin-tails. As the steady stream of people came and went with nary an acknowledgment of the social recluse's existence, a fact she was eternally grateful for, Luka felt the nervous tension bubbling within her stomach worsen with every minute passing without a sign of her idol girlfriend.
Fishing awkwardly in her jean pocket for her phone, the fabric stiff and unwieldy from ages of disuse, Luka noticed that Miku was several minutes late from their arranged meeting time, the pinkette quickly pulled up the last message her girlfriend had sent, rereading it for what had to be the hundredth time in the last half hour. The twin-tailed idol had informed her that she would meet her after a scheduled appearance on one of the premiere national morning shows, Miku suggesting they meet up in the city instead of at the Megurine household, the studio being closer to their agreed-upon meeting place. Because of this, Miku let her know that she would probably be a couple of minutes late, the tealette sending her a veritable avalanche of Line stickers featuring her likeness in apology, the chibified version of her girlfriend prostrating herself in an exaggerated manner.
Breathing deeply, her finger stopping its nervous fiddling, Luka slid her phone back into her pocket, a wave of calm washing over her. She wasn't worried. Miku said she would be there and she believed her with all of her heart. No, she wasn't afraid of being abandoned, that Miku would ditch her or leave her alone. Everything was going to be ok. All she had to do was wait.
"Hey," Luka's entire body gave a startled jolt at the sudden deep, manly voice appearing uncomfortably close to her side, her head snapping to stare wide-eyed at the handsome man standing next to her, hands resting lazily in his pockets as he smiled confidently at her, "how's it going, cutie?"
Luka could only gape in silent disbelief at this sudden and unexpected development, blue eyes wide with bewilderment as she pressed herself closer to the wall, his imposing frame, towering a whole head over her, sending a jolt of panic through her system. The pink-haired recluse had no idea what to do, her mouth opening and closing like a fish desperately begging for air as words failed to form, Luka never in her life having dealt with someone hitting on her. The act of social interaction was foreign enough for her, a task she still struggles with to this day, but having anyone show interest in her, especially attraction, left her mind stuck in an endless loop of wondering just what the hell to do.
"You here alone? How about I give you some company?" Lightly running his fingers through his stylishly slicked back hair, the confident grin on his face growing wider, the intimidating man slid a little closer toward the social recluse, Luka's breath hitching as a silent cry of fear passed her lips. Sapphire eyes flickered about in a panic as Luka desperately searched for a way out of this situation. Short, raspy breaths burnt her throat as the crowd around them seemed to loom over her like an inescapable wall, leaving Luka trapped and alone, stuck between him and the wall.
"Ah, Luka-chan!" Like an angel sent from heaven, a sweet and familiar voice pierced through the veil of fearful confinement, a brilliant flash of teal lighting up in the corner of Luka's eye. "Sorry I'm so late!"
Rushing to her girlfriend's side, the man who had been hitting on her backing up slightly in surprise as the extra person showed up, Miku immediately latched onto the pinkette's arm in a protective embrace, deliberately placing herself between the man and her girlfriend. Caught off guard by the tealette's sudden appearance, Miku swooping in like a hero rescuing a damsel in distress, Luka felt something soft press into her cheek, a dark blush engulfing her face as she belatedly registered it as a kiss. A kiss, in public, in front of someone else. Someone who had been hitting on her mere moments ago. A jealous, protective kiss.
Luka's brain short-circuited.
Grabbing her girlfriend's arm tight, unaware of the pinkette's current mental shutdown, Miku shot a quick, polite grin to the young man before dragging Luka away, leaving the would-be suitor in a state of befuddlement. Pointing at the spot where the cute pink-haired girl stood seconds ago, his eyes frantically looking back and forth between it and the backs of the retreating couple, the young man's eyes growing wide as something clicked in his head.
"Wait...was that Hatsune Miku?"
A soft whirr followed by the dull thunk of a drink being dispensed faintly reached the pink-haired recluse's ears, her forehead pressed roughly against her knees as she sunk deeper into her seated crouch, Luka letting out a long, raspy breath of air to help calm her frazzled nerves. After Luka's unfortunate encounter with the all too pushy suitor, the pair had quickly retreated to a nearby alley to give the pinkette a moment to recover, the twin-tailed idol purchasing a pair of drinks for them from the nearby vending machine.
"I'm so sorry."
Lifting her head slightly, sapphire orbs peeking out from behind a protective veil of pink locks, Luka laid eyes upon the proffered beverage, the bottle sporting the familiar logo of her favorite cream soda. Taking the offered drink with a quiet 'thank you', the cool bottle feeling nice against her nervously chewed fingers, Luka met Miku's gaze with a concerned frown, the pink-haired recluse worried by the pained expression on her girlfriend's face.
"We don't have to stay here." Miku continued, her voice heavy with regret, ashamed of letting something like that happen to her girlfriend, for leaving her alone with a creep like that. "We can go back home and just spend time together there, okay?"
Lowering her head slightly, Luka absently ran her finger across the smooth surface of her drink, little beads of condensation accumulating on the tip of her thumb, the social recluse was inclined to agree with her girlfriend's plan. After her unfortunate run-in with that man, that feeling of looming dread as he drew closer, how helpless she was to fight back should he decide to force the issue. That feeling of dread still rested uncomfortably in her chest, like razor wire constricting her heart, every rapid beat piercing it with another agonizing jab of stinging pain.
Turning to face the twin-tailed idol, prepared to agree with her change of plans, Luka's answer died suddenly on her lips as she fully took in her girlfriend's appearance, a soft pink blush lighting up the recluse's pale cheeks. Miku…she was beautiful. Donning a gorgeous long-sleeve, black shirt, the edges puffed up slightly as they partially covered her hands, and a flowing white skirt that stopped right before the ankles, some fashionable black shoes peeking out from beneath, the twin-tailed idol was truly dressed to impress.
Pulling her gaze away from the gorgeous sight, Luka was slightly ashamed by her own meager choice of fashion, the pink-haired girl's eyes widened as she stared into the glimmering depths of her girlfriend's sapphire orbs, the social recluse noticing a light hint of makeup on Miku's face, pronouncing the idol's beautiful features even more. With her hair done up in its trademark twin-tails, the edges curled slightly to create an elegant twist to her usual style, it was abundantly clear that Miku had taken special care in her appearance today, the idol resembling a beautiful painting come to life.
And it was all for their date. For her.
"No." Shaking her head softly, pink wisps of hair lightly tickling her ears, Luka smiled warmly at the twin-tailed idol as she gently took her hand in hers, interlocking their fingers as she held Miku's hand tight. "I want to be here. With you."
Smiling brightly, her previous melancholy melting away as she beamed happily at the pink-haired girl, Miku carefully helped Luka back to her feet, the twin-tailed idol never releasing her hold upon the pinkette's hand.
"Aw, you just want to show me off, don't you?" Shooting the pinkette a sly grin, Miku playfully nudged her girlfriend with her shoulder, her teasing smile falling slightly when Luka shyly averted her gaze, a dusting of pink covering her cheeks.
"Well…I-I guess that's partially true." Luka admitted shyly as she absently played with a lock of pink hair, her voice barely above a whisper as a small smile curled on the edges of her lips.
"Heehee, well I want to do the same. So let's go!" Smiling brightly, Miku let out an ecstatic cheer before rushing off, Luka barely able to let out a squawk of surprise before being dragged out of the alley and toward the main street. But she didn't fight it, Luka simply smiling softly as she leaned a little closer into Miku's embrace, the pair stepping out of the alley and into the bustling streets, their fingers still firmly intertwined.
A sudden, cool breeze slithered its way through the city streets, causing a small shiver to roll down Miku's body as she sidled a little closer to the pinkette's side for warmth, her grip on Luka's hand tightening a little bit. Casting a curious sidelong glance at the twin-tailed idol, Miku silently cursed the wind gods for besetting them with such a chilly breeze, Luka giggled softly into her palm as another gust of wind lightly ruffled her pink hair.
Looks like wearing her hoodie all the time does come in handy.
Despite the occasional frigid gust of wind, its icy tendrils slipping its way passed the looming skyscrapers and seeping its way deep into your skin, the pair was enjoying the wonderfully mild day, the sun's rays beating down from overhead helping to stave off the coming signs of autumn. Walking hand in hand, the pair shared idle chatter about everything and nothing at all, the young couple simply enjoying each other's presence.
It was strange. While the nagging thorns of anxious fear still scratched silently at the roots of her mind, its twisted vines still gripping her heart in their clutches, it felt oddly…dulled. The pinkette could feel their eyes on them, the people passing them casting the couple odd and curious glances, either because they recognized Miku or due to their interlocked hands. Luka could sense every errant glance and lingering stare, could feel their annoyed glares and wide-eyed gawking prickling like scalding water upon her skin, the creeping fear rolling incessantly in her stomach with every eye bearing down upon them.
But, despite it all, Luka felt…good. Miku's presence, her bubbly grins and boisterous laughter helped calm her anxious mind, the soft feeling of her hand enveloped gently in her own tethering her in this moment, the twin-tailed idol acting like a lifeline from the murky waters of her own head. She was just happy being here, to be out and enjoying her life with the girl she loves, with her Miku.
"Hey, Luka-chan!" Pulled out of her momentary reverie by the twin-tailed idol's sudden shout, Miku pointed excitedly across the street, a huge grin plastered on her face. "Do you want to try that one?"
Lifting her head slightly to look at where her girlfriend was pointing, Luka's sapphire orbs widened in fear as she laid eyes upon an extravagant-looking cafe, its fancy interior, resembling something from a movie, bustling with activity, packed to the brim with high-end customers and wait staff. Fiddling with the frayed edges of her sleeve, the rough fabric lightly scratching her skin helping center her thoughts as she felt a rising panic in her throat, Luka was about to agree to her girlfriend's idea, despite the thought of entering that establishment making her stomach recoil with terror.
"Um," lowering her head slightly in shame, afraid of seeing the disappointment on her girlfriend's face, Luka nevertheless pressed on, feeling like this was the right thing to do, "can we maybe…find a different place?"
Tilting her head slightly in wonder at the pinkette's sudden request, something Luka would usually have found painfully adorable if it weren't for the anxious fear painfully constricting her heart, Miku glanced back at the cafe as she quietly hummed to herself in thought. Looking over the cafe, blue eyes roaming over the expensive French decor adorning every corner of its extravagant interior, the patrons inside dolled up and decked out in the most lavish attire imaginable, Miku could practically feel how terrible it would be for Luka to be stuck in there.
"Sure!" Whirling around with a bright grin, Miku shot her girlfriend a big smile as she gave her hand a reassuring squeeze, the twin-tailed idol silently ushering the pinkette along, a wave of relief washing over Luka as they moved further away from the cafe. Instead, Miku led her to a nice, simple-looking cafe a couple of blocks further down, the twin-tailed idol bowing dramatically as she held the door open for her, Luka giggling softly as she quietly thanked her, the pinkette's anxious worries dying down as she took in their new destinations cozy decor.
It was…quiet. Only a handful of people were currently occupying a few tables, none of them paying the newly arrived pair any mind as Miku quietly guided the social recluse to a nice, private booth near the back. As soon as they settled into their seats, Miku shooting her a quick smile, one the pinkette returned with a shy one of her own, a waitress came to take their order, the twin-tailed idol getting herself a small coffee while Luka got herself some green tea. With a quick smile and a chirpy cheer, the waitress rushed off to grab their orders, leaving the pair alone.
"I'm proud of you, you know?" Resting her head against the back of her hand, Miku shot her girlfriend a soft smile, Luka tilting her head in confusion, unsure of what she could have possibly done to be proud of.
"You didn't go along with my first suggestion. You freely voiced your opinion without any prodding."
Pausing momentarily as their waitress returned with their drinks, Miku quickly made a couple of orders for some sweets and pastries as Luka tried to hide the burning heat that was currently flushing her cheeks the same shade of pink as her hair, her heart beating rapidly in her chest. Was…was that really something to be proud of? If she wasn't sure, then why did it make her so happy to hear it.
"It made me happy." Miku continued as she took a small sip of her drink, the tealette humming in satisfaction at its rich flavor, the twin-tailed idol shooting her girlfriend a warm smile. "I want you to feel comfortable enough around me to be honest. I want you to feel okay with speaking your mind freely, no matter what it is."
Blushing slightly from the idol's kind words, Luka idly traced the handle of her cup with her finger in embarrassment, the pinkette peeking out from behind the veil of her bangs, a small smile curling on her lips as she gently nodded her head. She would try. For Miku, Luka would do anything to be better. Not just for her, but also for herself, to be someone worthy of such wonderful care and adoration, to be someone her girlfriend could be proud of.
To be someone whom Luka no longer hated.
"But," taking a dramatic sip of her coffee, a sly grin on her face, Miku thrust her finger in Luka's face, the pinkette flinching back in surprise, "I am going to find a way to spoil you at some point, you just wait!"
"You already do." Giggling softly at her joke, a soft blush coloring her cheeks, Luka took a long, drawn-out sip of her tea, purposefully keeping her girlfriend in suspense. "You spoil me every day by being with me."
"Yeah, well," Blushing slightly at Luka's response, the sweetness of words and the richness of her voice causing her cheeks to flare up, Miku's lips curled up into a bright grin as she shot her a flirtatious wink. "I'll be spoiling you for a long time then."
Nodding her head, the smile on her lips curling ever bigger, Luka felt all of the anxious fear gripping her heart slowly fade away, their vice-like grip upon her mind loosening as she simply enjoyed this moment, free from worry. Taking a sip of her drink, listening to Miku cheer with excitement as their food arrived, Luka thought about how these moments, free from hurt and fear, were becoming more and more frequent.
Luka dared to hope that such moments may someday last forever.
"Puahhhh! Those croissants were so gooooood!"
Miku cried cheerfully as the pair exited the cafe, the pop idol grinning happily as she patted her stomach in satisfaction, Luka giggling softly behind her, glad to see that she enjoyed herself. Stepping out of the coffee shop, just as a deluge of new patrons flooded through its entrance, everyone hoping to perk up their day during their lunch breaks, the young couple took a brief pause to contemplate their next move, Miku quickly flipping through her phone as she looked for a specific address.
Standing next to the twin-tailed idol, Miku's tongue peeking slightly out of the corner of her mouth as her sapphire orbs wandered over her phone screen, Luka smiled gently as she silently slipped her girlfriend's hand into her own. Pausing in her frantic search, jumping slightly at the sudden touch, Miku's head turned to stare at the pink-haired recluse with wide, glittering eyes, a tiny blush coloring her cheeks a soft pink, Luka simply smiling back at her as she gave her girlfriends hand a small squeeze.
Grinning brightly, overjoyed by her girlfriend's unprompted gesture of affection, Miku wrapped her arms tightly around Luka's, the tealette practically humming with joy as she nuzzled her cheek against the pinkette's shoulder. Blushing softly at the twin-tailed idol's exuberant response, aware of the multitude of eyes watching the affectionate pair as they passed them by, Luka couldn't help but smile, her heart glowing softly with love and adoration for this sweet, beautiful girl.
"There's this cool little shop I want to show you." Grinning exuberantly, Miku gently guided the pink-haired recluse as they walked down the street, the famous idol never once relinquishing her hold on her girlfriend's arm. Not that Luka was complaining, mind you. "I found it while looking for a new dressmaker and I think you'll-"
"Ah! It's Miku-chan!~"
A loud, shrill voice piercing through the noise of the busy street cut off the idol in the middle of her sentence, the young couple lifting their heads at the same time, Luka's eyes widening in alarm as a gaggle of high school girls came rushing up to them, their faces alight with awe and joy as they stared at the tealette by her side. A cacophony of noise erupted from the small group of girls, one Luka thought was impossible for them to even create, and yet their cries of joy somehow managed to momentarily drown out the thoughts in her head, the high schoolers gushing endlessly about the idol's songs and performances, their eager hands stuck out with various merchandise as they begged Miku to sign them.
Smiling warmly at her excited fans, a gentle fondness glowing within her sapphire eyes as she walked up to them, Miku quickly excused herself before greeting them all with a boisterous cry and dramatic pose that made them squeal with joy, the twin-tailed idol spending the next several minutes signing their merch, answering their multitude of questions, and playfully posing for their pictures.
During all this, standing off the side, Luka watched Miku interact with her fans with a small smile on her lips, thinking about how good the tealette was with her fans, every one of them leaving with a bright grin on their faces, their excited chatter still audible from far away as the fan group continued on their way. Walking back to her girlfriend's side, a regretful grin on her lips, Miku bashfully rubbed the back of her head as she laughed nervously.
"Hehe, sorry about that, Luka-chan."
Shaking her head, Luka simply took Miku's hand back in hers, her soft smile telling her it was ok, that she wasn't made or upset. Sighing in relief, Miku silently pumped herself back up before leading the way once more, their destination practically in sight. Just a couple more blocks and they would be there. But, seemingly the closer they got to the store, the more often they got interrupted by some of Miku's fans, Luka practically getting shoved off to the side as they fawned over the twin-tailed idol.
Luka tried to stay positive throughout it all, she really did. She was glad to know that Miku had so many loyal fans, every one of them telling her how much they loved and respected her, how much her music touched them, how it saved them. It was a feeling Luka could relate to, Miku's songs were there for her when she needed them most, a soothing balm to help calm the rotting thoughts in her head, a momentary reprieve from the agony of her existence.
But, despite trying her best to be happy for the young idol, to try and push back the looming shadows of fear from clouding her head, Luka couldn't help but feel left out, that their date was unimportant. She knew it wasn't that, that Miku would never do something like that, but, the more time they lost together, how quickly her existence faded into the background once her fans showed up, Luka could feel those familiar fears hook their jagged teeth into her head, the pink-haired recluse unable to shake them loose, no matter how hard she tried.
Eventually, after an almost never-ending cavalcade of excited fans slowing down their progress, the young couple finally made it to their destination, Miku smiling proudly as she gestured toward a cute-looking hat store. Peering through the front windows with a curious stare, Luka hummed softly in awe as she saw the multitude of hats and head-wear lining every inch of the sizeable building, a young woman quietly busying herself behind the counter as she touched up a fancy-looking headdress, beautiful plumage adorning the brightly colored gems inlaid upon the sparkling, silver tiara.
Bouncing eagerly behind the awestruck pinkette, excited to finally show off some of the beautiful creations, Miku knew Luka was going to like it when she first found it while shopping for clothes for an upcoming press tour, the twin-tailed idol instantly smitten by its cute and lovable charm.
"Ah! Miku-chan~! Can we get your autograph?!"
Before they had a chance to enter the store, Miku's attention was suddenly pulled away by a loud, excited roar, the twin-tailed idol faltering slightly when she spotted a large mob of fans coming their way, their faces alight with joy.
"Of course, of course." Mustering a weak smile, her body feeling worn and weary after such a busy day, Miku quickly rushed over to the waiting fans, a cheer of excitement rolling through them like waves as they finally got to meet their idol. Shooting Luka a quick glance, her smile strained and regretful, something the pink-haired girl noticed immediately, Miku silently pleaded for forgiveness before putting on her professional mask, her face lighting up as she interacted with her fans.
She tried to get through it as quickly as possible, doing her best to give everyone the best experience she could without losing too much time, but, as the minutes dragged on, the sea of fans never seemed to diminish. As soon as one person left, another one seemed to take their place, each one with a new request or question for the twin-tailed idol. And Miku answered them all, signed every piece of merch put in front of her, and posed for every picture, the tealette loving nothing more than to make her fans happy.
She just hoped Luka would understand and possibly forgive her for this.
"Thank you so much, Miku-chan! I can't wait for your next performance!"
Waving goodbye to the last fan after taking a commemorative picture, the boy practically skipping down the street as he held his phone up high, Miku let out a heavy sigh, exhausted after the long ordeal. Straightening out some wrinkles in her shirt, Miku quickly turned toward where she left Luka, the apology dying on her lips as she failed to find the pink-haired recluse, a cold lump starting to form in her throat. Turning her head this way and that, twin-tails whipping about her ears, Miku felt a deep, uncomfortable weight settle in her stomach when she failed to find any sign of Luka's distinct pink hair.
Staring forlornly at the ground, well-manicured fingernails digging painfully into the tender flesh of her palm, Miku screwed her eyes shut in disgust as she thought about the pink-haired recluse, about how she must have felt after being neglected for their whole date. Every time, Miku chose her fans over her girlfriend, forcing the pink-haired girl to be pushed aside as the twin-tailed idol was dragged into the limelight, when all Luka wanted was a private moment together, to be with her girlfriend.
"I hate this."
Miku's voice was soft, almost imperceptible, but every word was punctuated with deep-seated resentment and pain, one reflected plainly within her sapphire gaze. She hated this. Hated feeling like she was being drawn in opposite directions at all times, her private life and her life as an idol constantly at odds, roughly tugging at her like children fighting over their beloved toy, unaware that it was tearing at the seams. It has been a long time since she felt this way, felt this war within her, her mind wandering back to that time, her heart clenching painfully as she remembered those days.
Those days in school.
Sighing heavily, trying to shake those memories from her mind, Miku reached into her pocket for her phone to call Luka and apologize for leaving her, for hurting her again. She only hoped Luka would forgive her, even if the tealette didn't believe she deserved it. Grasping her phone tight, Miku was surprised by a sudden voice coming from next to her, the twin-tailed idol freezing in place as she lifted her head in shock, blue eyes growing wide as her vision was filled with a familiar shade of gentle pink.
"Oh, Miku-chan."
Stepping out of the store, a large bag hanging off of her arm, Luka stared at Miku with a look of surprise on her face, no ounce of anger or sadness to be seen. Staring at each other in baffled silence, the twin-tailed idol caught the pinkette by surprise when she suddenly lunged forward, Miku burying her face in Luka's chest as she apologized profusely, her arms wrapped tight around her girlfriend's waist, afraid she may disappear again.
"It's alright. Everything's alright." Surprised by the young idol's sudden action, Miku's grip on her waist tightening ever so slightly, Luka gently reassured her girlfriend as she lightly pets her on her head, her voice soft and soothing.
"No, it's not!" Miku cried, her voice muffled as she pressed her face deeper into Luka's chest, her fists clenching tightly onto the fabric of the pinkette's shirt, her fingers aching as she desperately clung onto her girlfriend. "I neglected you and left you alone. And on our first real date! I'm so sorry, Luka-chan. I'm so sorry."
Pressing her face deeply into her girlfriend's chest, unshed tears burning painfully in the corner of her eyes, Miku felt a well of shame roll uncomfortably in her stomach at how she treated Luka. Miku knew that the pink-haired recluse had to overcome so much to even ask her out on a date, let alone be out in public in such an intimate way, Luka pushing past her fears and worries to be with her today, to make her happy. And she had ignored her, left her alone while she frolicked in the adulation of her fans, pushed her aside for her own selfish gain.
How could she possibly say everything was 'alright'?
"I admit, I was sad." Luka spoke softly, her voice laden with a wisp of sadness as she continued to lightly run her fingers through Miku's hair. "Honestly, if I could, I would want to be selfish and have you all to myself."
A painful chill crept through Miku's chest at the tone in the pinkette's voice, her pained kindness despite the hurt she felt, Luka trying to spare her feelings despite being the one who was wronged causing Miku's heart to constrict in agony.
"But," perking up slightly, surprised by the sudden shift in her voice, Miku lifted her head, shock lighting up her features as she stared into Luka's smiling face, "seeing how hard you work, how you push through everything and make sure to give every single one of your fans a smile, that you make sure everyone leaves with a happy memory, it showed me that sometimes you need your own support."
Gracing her girlfriend with a brilliant smile, Miku's breath hitching slightly in her throat as Luka's features seemed to light up, the twin-tailed idol watched on with quiet curiosity as the social recluse briefly rummaged around in her bag before pulling out an adorable-looking hat, the color's matching perfectly with the tealette's current outfit.
"I want to be that for you. I want to help you as much as I can too." Placing the hat gently upon Miku's head, sapphire orbs peeking out from behind the brim, Luka grinned brightly at the adorable sight, the social recluse glad to see she chose the right one for her.
Lightly running her fingers along the brim of her new hat, Miku lightly bit her lip as her heart was practically bursting with love and joy, tears prickling at the corner of her eyes as she was overwhelmed with happiness. Lowering her head, sniffing softly as she quickly dried her tears, Miku suddenly lunged forward and pulled Luka in for a hug, gripping the pinkette's waist tight.
Smiling down at her girlfriend, wrapping her arms securely around the shorter girl's shoulders, being mindful to not hit her with the bag in her hand, Luka leaned down below the brim of Miku's hat to place a gentle kiss upon her forehead, earning a soft, delighted giggle from the twin-tailed idol. Hugging Miku tight, Luka's gaze briefly fell upon the bag in her hand, the social recluse remaining quiet about the other item still resting within.
Pulling away slightly, still gripping Luka's waist tight, the twin-tailed idol not ready to break this moment just yet, Miku noted with a frown the subtle orange glow starting to spread across the sky, the beginning signs of sunset reaching out across the city. Lowering her head slightly, fingers idly exploring the curve of her girlfriend's hip, Miku made a decision, one that would open old wounds, exposing herself, scars and all, to Luka.
It was time to tell her of her past.
"There's a nice park nearby." Miku whispered softly as she gently rested her head on Luka's shoulder, the twin-tailed idol gently taking the pinkette's hand in her own, their fingers intertwining. "Do you want to go there before we head home?"
Holding Miku's hand tight, Luka gave the young idol a reassuring smile as she gently nodded her head, the tealette returning it with a soft smile of her own as she began guiding the pinkette down a series of side streets and alleyways, neither exchanging any words. Luka had a feeling there was a lot being unsaid that would come to light soon as Miku led the way to their destination, the city streets and towering buildings giving way to a sparsely populated park, its lush greenery, the leaves starting to take on a gentle red hue with the beginning signs of fall, casting a comforting shade over them.
Taking a seat on a park bench overlooking a gently flowing river, its waters stained a glowing swirl of pink and orange from the setting sun, Miku lightly pat the spot next to her with a soft, yet pained smile. Seating herself next to the twin-tailed idol, carefully taking her hand, fingers instinctively interlocking, the pair simply sat in silence for a spell, letting the scenery wash over them in quiet comfort.
"I know you told me it's fine, but I still want to apologize for earlier." Tilting her head down slightly, lips curled downward into a disappointed frown, Miku was the first one to break the silence, idly kicking at her shadow beneath her feet. "I have trouble telling my fans no. I cherish them deeply for helping me so much that it makes it hard for me to disappoint them."
"I understand." Turning her head slightly, sapphire eyes shining softly as they stared at the pink-haired recluse, a gentle smile curling on her lips as she gave the twin-tailed idol's hand a reassuring squeeze. "It's a bit hard to remind myself sometimes that things are different for you. But, I know how much your fans mean to you. I would never want to take that away from you."
"You are really wonderful, you know that?" Lightly shaking her head in disbelief, a playful giggle passed the tealette's lips as she leaned over to press a soft kiss upon her girlfriend's cheek, the cool skin heating up slightly as a rosy-pink blush slowly spread across her face. Giggling softly at the pink-haired girl's sheer adorableness, Miku's smile slowly fell as she lowered her sapphire gaze to the floor, the fading sun casting heavy shadows upon the idol's face.
"There's something I want to share with you, if you'd listen." Rubbing her thumb across Luka's knuckle, pulling strength from her warming touch, Miku peered up at her girlfriend from behind the veil of her bangs, her sapphire orbs alight with raging emotions.
"Of course. You can tell me anything." Luka responded immediately, not hesitating in the slightest as she nodded her head gravely to the twin-tailed idol's request, Miku giggling softly at the serious expression on her girlfriend's face. She really was cute. Taking a deep breath, the cool air stinging slightly as it entered her lungs, Miku steeled herself as best she could, knowing what was to come was going hurt.
But Luka deserved to know.
"I have dated a couple of people before." Miku admitted with a shy grin, a gentle blush coloring her cheeks at admitting something so embarrassing, feeling it sounded a little like bragging. "Both boys and girls, but they usually only lasted for a couple of weeks or like a month or so. None of them were really too serious…except for two."
"Can they even considered serious with how young I am?" Letting out a self-deprecating laugh, one devoid of any humor as the twin-tailed idol gave her girlfriend a weak smile, Luka gently holding Miku's hand within her own, aware that she was merely trying to play off what happened to her, the pain in her eyes easily giving her away.
"Most of them were just very surface-level relationships. Most of them just thought I was cute or fell for me from a distance, probably because I was quite outgoing in school. I guess it attracted some of them."
Kicking her feet gently back and forth, her body rocking slightly from the movement, Miku stared off into the distance with a gentle smile as she remembered those days, thinking about how such little time had passed since then, and yet so much had changed. Looking over at Luka, the reclusive girl giving the young idol her undivided attention, Miku remarked that most of it had been for the better.
"The number of people asking me out increased significantly once our band won the songwriting tournament. I kind of wrote off dating for a while after that. Being asked out just felt hollow after that."
Shrugging her shoulders playfully, Miku's expression faltered slightly as she remembered how she felt like she was losing out on something important during that time, that she was slowly being pushed out of her simple life and dragged into the solitary life in the limelight.
"One of the serious relationships I mentioned ended quite okay, I think. We even stayed close acquaintances afterward. He even helped us out by getting his aunt to let us use her recording studio."
Grinning brightly, remembering those days in the studio, how much fun they had as they dreamt of this big future, how exciting everything was going to be. Miku truly felt like this was what she was meant to do, every day feeling like a new adventure, her every waking moment filled with brilliant, luminous thoughts of music.
"The other," Miku hesitated as her smile slowly fell, a painful swell of dark emotions settling in her stomach as she remembered…her, "hurt me."
A brief silence fell over the pair as Miku took some calming breaths to try and quell the rising swell of emotions, each exhale stinging painfully, her throat feeling like it was coated with razor wire. Squeezing Miku's hand tight, trying to reassure her, letting her know she was still there, Luka scooted a little closer to her girlfriend's side, her shoulder gently brushing up against the idol's side.
"Things were fun…at first." Managing to calm her emotions enough to continue, her words tinged with wistful regret, both for those halcyon days but also for what could have been avoided had she just paid attention. "We shared similar interests and hobbies. It was just a lot of fun to talk to her."
A small pang of jealousy briefly stabbed at Luka's chest, the thought of Miku being with someone else, someone that made her happy, causing waves of nausea to roll through the social recluse's body. But Luka squashed those feelings before they had a chance to infect her, reminding herself that this was for Miku, that she needed to be strong for her as well.
"Eventually, she asked me out. And, liking her back, I accepted." Miku admitted, the smile on her face not reaching her eyes as she stared out over the water, watching the sun's rays bounce off of its rolling waves with a blank expression on her face. "Things were going great for the first month or so. We had a lot of fun and it just felt great being with them. I was happy, happy that someone seemed to really and truly like me for who I was."
"But things eventually started to sour." Lowering her head, bangs covering her sapphire orbs, Miku bit her lip roughly as her mind replayed everything that happened, the sting of unshed tears burning at the corner of her eyes. "Only I didn't notice until way after the damage had already been done."
"What happened?" Luka asked after a spell of silence, the social recluse trying not to push the twin-tailed idol too much as she instinctively wrapped her arm around Miku's waist, the young idol sliding closer to her girlfriend's side. Luka knew how hard it can be to even speak, how debilitating emotions can be, that every part of you is screaming in agony as they burn horribly in your chest. But, she also knew she needed to get it out, that Miku was pushing herself, not just for Luka but herself as well, that it was something she wanted, needed, to do.
All Luka could do was be there for her.
"It was small things at first. Undermining my ideas and slowly separating me from my other friends with small lies or making me feel guilty whenever I would do something without her. She tried to keep me all to herself. I thought it was fine since we were in a relationship after all. It was normal for a couple to always be together."
Shaking her head at how stupid she had been, how much she let herself get hurt, how much she hurt others, all because she thought she was in love. That she loved her as well. It was that love, that blindness, that left indelible scars upon her heart and mind, ones she could never hope to get rid of.
"But, slowly but surely, she began picking away at my self-esteem." Squeezing Luka's hand tighter, her knuckles turning white as she held onto it like a lifeline, one Luka was more than happy to throw her, her thumb softly grazing across the back of the idol's hand. "She made me believe all of my self-worth was tied strictly to what she thought, that nothing else mattered but her and what she wanted."
"Eventually, all of my interests were taken from me, thrown away in order to not upset her. Everything was a threat to her." Shaking her head slightly, the distant echo of her voice, so full of anger and disgust, still lingering in the recesses of her mind, somewhere they would stay for the rest of her life. "In the end, all I was was what she made me into."
"If I even slipped a little bit, if I did or said something she didn't like, no matter how insignificant, she would threaten me, saying she would leave me, that I'd be all alone. And it scared me. I was afraid of losing her because she was all I had."
Snuggling closer into Luka's side, the social recluse tightening her hold on the distraught girl, Miku felt a couple of stray tears roll down her cheeks. Tears she thought she had shed a long time ago. The pain never did truly go away, huh?
"I know now that she was being emotionally abusive, but, at the time, all I could think about was how I was failing her."
Heaving a painful sob, her throat constricting painfully around her words, her head feeling thick and fuzzy as she replayed those moments over and over again like a carousel of torture, the only thing grounding her into the present being the gentle warmth of Luka's loving embrace.
"At times, I'd be too scared to even just imagine going out or doing anything, the very thought of doing something wrong, of possibly facing more threats and insults leaving me paralyzed with fear."
Clenching her teeth tight, choking back a painful sob, Miku briefly pressed her face into the crook of Luka's neck, letting her soothing scent, her calming presence tether her into the here and now. Into a world with her.
"The only reason I managed to get out was because she tried to take music from me. Out of everything, that was the only thing I couldn't live without. It's what saved me."
Calming down a bit, the swell of emotions ebbing away slowly, Miku pulled away slightly from the reclusive girl, the twin-tailed idol giving her girlfriend a grateful smile as she wiped away a stray tear with the back of her hand, neither pair fully removing themselves from each other's embrace.
"Eventually, she left me for good, completely cutting herself from my life. She wouldn't react to texts or calls and would even go out of her way to avoid me at school."
Taking in a deep breath of air, the gentle perfume of nature mixed with the cornucopia of smells of a bustling city lost within the calming scent of her girlfriend's embrace, Miku exhaled softly, all of her fraught emotions dissipating into the sky.
"It's seem stupid now, but at the time…it hurt." Miku admitted with a rue smile, her eyes falling upon a stray leaf that had fallen into the pink-haired girl's lap, its edges stained a gentle yellow. "I tried to play it off, making it seem like everything was fine. I continued to smile and laugh with my friends, who welcomed me back despite everything that happened between us, but I knew…I knew things were bad."
Shaking her head slightly, Miku watched the leaf slowly flutter away into the wind, its destination unknown, simply drifting along by the whims of forces outside its control. And yet it danced so beautifully, adrift upon the wind, undeterred by its unknown fate. All it could do was move forward.
"That's when I put everything I had into my music." Placing her hand upon Luka's leg, the gentle warmth from her body seeping through the rough fabric of her pants, Miku took comfort in this sensation, this closeness. "It was my outlet, my canvas upon which to expel all these jumbled emotions, letting all of my feelings and pain out for the first time."
"Things didn't get better right away. I still have trouble removing what happened from my mind. But, eventually, I did get better. And I'm getting better every day."
Turning to face the pink-haired recluse, Miku smiled brightly, her sapphire orbs sparkling brilliantly with warmth as she gave Luka's leg a loving squeeze, trying to convey her love and gratitude that words would fail to properly express. Luka simply smiled back as she squeezed her girlfriend's waist a little tighter.
"Through all of my fans, friends, and especially my music, I was finally able to let go and heal. I could finally move on and see how it helped me learn how to live to my fullest. To be better, not just for myself, but for everyone else as well."
Smiling warmly, Miku stared wistfully up at the swirling pallet of orange and pink as it streaked across the sky, remembering every smiling face, every joyous cry, and every shed tear as she sang for the crowd, screaming her emotions to the world, in hopes that they would reach them.
"I'm sorry." Shaking her head, Miku turned to face her reclusive girlfriend with an apologetic smile, ashamed of herself for getting so emotional. "I know you have your own problems to deal with and I shouldn't dump my own on top of it."
Gasping softly in surprise, Miku felt a gentle weight press into her as arms wrapped her in a warm and protective embrace, slightly rough fingers soothingly running through her hair. Smiling gently, a soft blush coloring her cheeks, Miku returned Luka's hug with gusto, delighted giggles passing her lips as she gently inhaled her calming scent.
"It's okay. Everything's okay." Miku giggled softly, the twin-tailed idol pulling slightly out of their embrace to give her a loving smile. "I have you know and that makes me immensely happy."
Lowering her head slightly, pink hair briefly covering her eyes, Luka gently cupped Miku's cheek in the palm of her hand, the tealette gasping quietly at the sudden, intimate touch, a dark blush covering her face as her girlfriend stared deeply into her eyes with those gorgeous orbs of sparkling sapphire.
"I…I want you to be honest with me too. I want to be there for you. I want to help you with your burdens too, even if it's only something like a hug or an ear to listen to you."
Sapphire orbs widening in surprise, Miku smiled brightly as she captured her girlfriend's lips in a brief, loving kiss, the twin-tailed idol holding the pinkette's hand tight, never wanting to let go. God this girl was just too wonderful for words. She really did love her.
"Thank you." Whispering softly, her voice thick with emotion, Miku gave her girlfriend a brilliant smile, one filled with nothing but undying love and devotion. "Right now, with you, with my current life, I'm more than okay. I'm happy."
Snuggling closer into Luka's side, her head resting gently upon the pinkette's shoulder, Miku wrapped her arms tightly around her girlfriend's waist, her eyes looking out over the river as the first streetlight began lighting up the city.
"Though, if it's ok with you," Miku whispered, small dots of light flickering on across the city, like fireflies in a grassy field, ushering in the beginning of night, "can we stay like this? For just a bit longer."
Nodding her head, holding the smaller girl a little closer, a little tighter, Luka made a promise that day. She vowed to herself to always be there for Miku. Whether it be as lovers or merely as friends, no matter what, she will always be there to help Miku.
Just like she has always been there for her, even if she may not have known it.
Standing before her bathroom mirror, her detestable reflection staring back at her, the telltale signs of the morning sun streaming in from the frosted window, dark bags forming under her eyes after a particularly restless night, the social recluse fought every instinct she had to look away, to run and hide away from the doppelganger in front of her. Breathing a deep, shuddering sigh, picturing those cute lips curled up into a breathtaking smile as she looked at her, thinking back to all those wonderful moments during their date, Luka pulled at every last reserve of courage she had.
Digging through the bag from the clothing store Miku had brought them to, the material crinkling gently as her fingers curled around the object lying within, Luka gently and carefully lifting it out. Rolling the object back and forth in her hand, a hint of doubt worming its way into her heart, Luka gently shook her head as she placed the object carefully, almost fearfully, upon her head.
A cute beret, colored a delicate snow white, made of soft wool, lay atop her head, Luka's sapphire eyes staring back at her in stunned disbelief. Lightly running her fingers along the brim, the soft material gently tickling her skin, the color perfectly matching her pink hair, Luka thought it actually looked…good.
For just a brief moment, Luka felt cute.
Taking the beret off of her head, and placing it carefully on a nearby table, Luka briefly fished for her phone in her pocket before quickly bringing up Miku's Line contact, asking if they could meet up the next day.
Luka wanted to wear it for her.
A/N: The past laid bare.
Good lord this took forever! I am so goddamn sorry for the long break between chapters but this one was a doozy to write. Not counting life and writer's block getting in the way, this chapter just refused to come together in a timely manner. I had this chapter started all the way back in April!
Part of what made this one take so long was the fact that it was a very important one, not only for the development of both Miku and Luka but also because it was deeply personal to me. A lot of what Miku dealt with in the past was taken from my own experiences, though with less musical genius and stardom and more misery and escapism lol Due to this, I wanted to make sure this chapter was as good as it could possibly be.
I hope you all enjoy it!
Next chapter: Separation.