"Cortanus, all I want to know is did we lose them." The AI "I think we both know that my name is Cortana, not Cortanus, you asshole."
The legendary Captain Jakob Keyes, the hero of Sigma Octanus V, said well I'm not the one whose name has the word anus in it, Cortanus.
Cortana started bitching before Captain Keyes interprets her. "Anyway quit bitching and bring us up to Combat Alert Alpha. I want everyone at their stations."
"Everyone, Sir?" Asked Cortanus.
"What the fuck did I say bitch?"
Anyway I should take a moment to explain what the characters look like. Cortana looks the same but she has bigger boobs. Captain Keyes is wearing a purple pimp costume so he is ready to smack a bitch at any time. Back to the story.
The Master Chief woke up with the hangover to end all hangovers. A blinding light shined into his eyes, and alarms pounded his eardrums. Chief reached out to his bedside table, hoping to find some water at least. If he was lucky maybe there would be Mountain Dew or Doritos. His hand hit something, like a wall. But he could see through it. Almost like… glass? A loud hissing sound hurt the Chief's sensitive ears, and the window on the cryo pod opened.
It was then that the Chief noticed the Navy tech wearing an orange jumpsuit standing in front of the pod. The tech was saying something about testing the shields of Chief's Mjolnir armor. Chief thought that tests were for losers. Chief thought that orange jumpsuits were for losers. He also thought that the Navy was for losers. With this in mind he started walking towards the room's exit.
The room was shaking, like an airplane landing in a hurricane. Chief noticed that the shaking wasn't just coming from his own cramped legs; the ship must have been under attack. Fuck, the ship must be under attack Chief thought. The virgin in the orange jumpsuit handed Chief a Monster energy drink. "Chief, I know that you must want to forget everything that happened on Reach, but you can't get drunk on the job. This will help you feel better." Chief dranked the monster energy drink and he thinked to himself: wait what did happen on Reach? He didn't remember what happened but he knew it was something bad.
The Chief's head hammered, and his eyes hurt from the lights. The Chief resolved to never touch liquor again. Then he remembered what happened on Reach, and decided he needed to get drunk as soon as possible.