Chapter 239 – Worry About Jack
At twelve thirty everyone gathered in the kitchen/dining room area ready for lunch. When Jack had gotten back to the house and Gran saw his mood she messaged her husband and let him know that lunch was going to be a half hour late. She knew that Jack needed to get a workout and Father Mark had indicated that he was trying to talk to Jack. The rest of the morning had gone well for everyone else. Frank and Elizabeth had sat down and found two different motorhomes that they liked. They had also found two different modular homes. One had a garage and one didn't, but they figured that they could add a second building next to it for a garage. Lee had double checked everything for the show and they were just waiting to close to registration and order the certificates. The ribbons were set to arrive any day as well as the banners.
That morning the last of the things that Elizabeth had ordered for the Fourth and the kids had arrived. Trish and Gran had been online and had gotten a lot of wedding things taken care of. They were still waiting on some decisions that Jack and Elizabeth needed to make that afternoon, but they were okay as long as those things were taken care of in the next day or two. The two ladies had also been able to go over the lists and make sure that they had everything for the Fourth and the rest of the week. They saw that there were a few things that they would need and Frank volunteered to go get them. He didn't mind. As of yet, he hadn't been hassled in town.
Back in the kitchen/dining room ready for lunch, Doug and Nathan picked up on the fact that Jack wasn't happy. Elizabeth felt as well, she wasn't sure what happened, but she was hoping that things got better as they needed to talk about their wedding that afternoon. Doug and Nathan exchanged looks with Father Mark and he shook his head. With the blessing said, everyone made their lunch. There was plenty of meat and cheese for sandwiches. There was also potato salad as well as the fruits and veggies. Gran had also set out the bowl of individual chip bags. The platter of cookies and bars were sitting on the back counter. The carafe of coffee as well as pitchers of kool-aid were on the table. Gran looked at Jack and saw the tension in his face. After setting her plate down, she came and stood in front of him, motioning for Elizabeth to go make her plate.
"Whatever it is." Gran said. "Drop it. Let's have a nice lunch. I heard you had a bit of a run in with Tommy this morning, just drop it. He will learn. If it is something else, please put it aside for this meal and then deal with it afterwards. Please."
"Yes, ma'am." Jack said.
"Thank you." Gran said.
She leaned up and gave Jack a kiss on his check and then went back to the table. Jack went through and made his plate. Once everyone was seated, their conversation turned to the horses and how it had gone that morning with Bubbles and Squeak. James and John were proud of the girls for working so hard to bond with their new horses. Eventually, the conversation turned to plans for the afternoon. Elizabeth let them know that her and Jack needed to go over wedding details. The girls said that they needed to spend time with their horses, but also knew that they had homework and were expected to spend at least ten minutes on the piano. Lee, Frank, Doug and Nathan had decided that they were going for a trail ride. Father Mark said that he wanted to relax in the sun and be around if anyone needed him. He looked at Jack and Elizabeth when he had said it. James and John both said that they had things that they needed to deal with in their respective offices. Trish and Gran also said that they were going to relax.
Once they were done eating, James and John headed to their offices. John had Peter with him. The girls cleared the table and then were excused to go do homework for an hour. Lee, Doug and Nathan cleaned up the kitchen while Frank and Father Mark sat and were talking about something. Gran excused Jack and Elizabeth to go deal with wedding things. They had decided that they were going to sit up on the second deck outside the music room.
Elizabeth had gathered her lists and Jack had gotten his tablet. They walked upstairs together.
"Thank you for doing this." Elizabeth said. "I know that you were upset before lunch, but we really need to make these decisions so things can be ordered."
"Why didn't you ladies just pick things yesterday?" Jack asked.
"Because this isn't just my wedding." Elizabeth said. "It is our wedding and I want you to be included."
"Thank you but I told you what I wanted." Jack said.
"Then this shouldn't take too long." Elizabeth said with a smile.
Jack just nodded. Elizabeth saw his face and set her lists on the table by the double chaise that they were sitting in.
"Alright." Elizabeth said. "What happened this morning? You were fine before."
"I am alright." Jack said, shaking his head.
"No talk to me." Elizabeth said. "Something is bothering you. You need to start letting me in. I might not be able to solve the problem, but I think it might help if you just talk about it."
Jack took a deep breath and slowly let it out.
"I didn't think that I would get as much push back about riding Midnight as I did, especially from Grandpa." Jack said. "I expected it a little from Dr Matthews and maybe Manny, but it was Manny who was more supportive of me riding then anyone."
"Well." Elizabeth said. "He knows that you are an excellent rider."
"Thank you." Jack said.
"So what happened?" Elizabeth asked.
"I finally convinced them that we needed to get Midnight back on the track." Jack said. "I knew it wasn't going to be an easy trip, but he fought me the entire time, even with the blinker cups on. I kept trying to push him closer to the rail and he continued to pull on away. It was hard to ride him. That was the first trip.
Then the hands set cones and rope to essentially make a second rail in the middle of the track. Midnight wasn't happy. I calmed him down as best as I could, but it was bad. I took the blinker cups off because I wanted to see how he would react. He immediately started acting up. I ended up having to get down and calm him again. Then I started running him and again pushed him toward the rail. He reared up. I was able to hold on, but I saw the look on Grandpa's face, he wasn't happy. I ended up jumping down and taking Midnight over to the rail to show him that it wasn't anything that was going to hurt him. He calmed down and I finished the trip around the track, but he still wasn't happy about me pushing him toward the rail."
"But you were able to ride him." Elizabeth said.
"Yes." Jack said. "I told Manny that I wanted the same thing tomorrow, but bring the rope and cones in six inches to a foot. He then told me that he didn't have anyone experienced enough to ride Midnight right now. So I am going to have to do it again tomorrow. Manny also wants me to get gate school in before the races start, so I am doing that as well tomorrow. Then I am thinking about the show this weekend, our show next weekend, the opening of the racing season and then riding the next three weekends after that leading to the wedding. It is just a lot and I probably shouldn't have taken everything on.
As much as I love riding, doing shows every weekend is a lot. Then with the wedding and then starting school, I just don't know. I had been looking forward to a nice slow summer and it is turning out to be anything but. I am sorry. I shouldn't dump this on you and none of it is your fault. I think it wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't an emotional mess right now. There are times I feel like I am barely hanging on."
Elizabeth wrapped her arms around Jack and held him close. She could hear the hurt in his voice and it made her heart hurt for him. She wished that there was more that she could do for Jack other than to hold him and try to comfort him in some way.
"You know that you don't have to do those other shows." Elizabeth said. "No one is going to be upset if you don't jump."
"I made the commitment and I feel that I should follow through." Jack said.
"But I said I would." Jack said. "Lee already registered us and our spots are paid for."
"So." Elizabeth said. "I get that you spent the money, but if you are feeling overwhelmed, you don't have to jump. Let the others. We can always just watch."
"I will think about it." Jack said.
"So talk to me about why you feel like you are barely holding on." Elizabeth said. "I mean I get that it was stressful dealing with your parents. I also get that stepping in and helping me has added a level of chaos to your life, but there has to be something else."
"I think it is everything the last few years." Jack said. "I never really dealt with what happened to Laura. I just pushed it away. Then the blow out with my mother after the championship two years ago. Add it all the nitpicking that she has done over the last year and pushing what she wants on me even more. Also the whole Lacy thing and you can see why I feel like my emotions are all over the place. It is like a dam of emotions that I have been holding back opened and I can't stop them. It is just hard to deal with. I have never been great at dealing with emotions.
I think that part of the not dealing well has to do with when I was upset growing up, my mother would tell me to knock it off. I was a Thornton and I needed to grow up. As a child that was hard. I was never allowed to cry in front of her or really show any emotions. She couldn't deal with emotions. I tried, but the more that I was scolded for showing any emotion the more that I just pushed them away. I wasn't so bad when I had Laura who I could talk to, but afterwards it was hard. I mean I had Doug and Lee, but it was different. I felt like as a guy, I needed to be strong and not crying all the time was part of that."
"I am sorry." Elizabeth said. "I may not have had the greatest parents, but at least I was able to show my emotions if I wanted. I am sorry that your mother treated you like that. The thing is that we have learned what we don't want to do with our children. We know what it feels like to not have parents that really cared. We will do better with our kids, I know it."
"Our kids." Jack said with a smile.
"There." Elizabeth said. "At least I got you to smile."
"So you are feeling better about having kids?" Jack asked, laying his hand on her midsection.
"Yes and no." Elizabeth said. "I talked to Caitlin about birth control and she got me to see the other side of things, by taking religion out of it. She talked to me about it in a scientific sense. She told me about the side effects and long term side effects that she had seen with other women who spent years on birth control. She gave me a few links to papers that were done and written outside of the United States. They were very revealing.
I am still worried about getting pregnant and going to school, but I am seeing that birth control is not the answer. Caitlin also sent me a link to several YouTube channels. They talk about different Catholic things. They are short and to the point. I watched a bunch of them last night. There is this priest who does them and when I listen to him, things he says makes sense. He actually works with college students in Minnesota, but does these videos on the side. I did a search for him on YouTube and found several other videos of speeches that he has done. I have saved several of them and am looking forward to watching them."
"That is exciting." Jack said. "I am glad that you are finding answers to some of your questions. Mind send me some of those links. I might have grown up Catholic, but I would still like to check out some of the talks and maybe even some of these short videos."
"I can do that." Elizabeth said. "Are you feeling a little better? I want to go over these wedding details, but I don't want to do it while you are still upset."
"I am feeling better." Jack said. "You know I don't really care about all the details, I just want to marry you."
"I know." Elizabeth said. "But I need your input at least a little bit."
"Okay." Jack said.
Elizabeth picked up her lists.
Doug, Lee, Nathan and Frank headed to the stable. They decided to take Ghost, Honey, Athena and Wex. Nathan thought it would be fine for Frank to ride Wex. They weren't going to go for a long ride, but the point was some time together. Just as they were leaving, Opal came running out.
"Can I go with you?" Opal cried.
Nathan looked at the other guys and then seeing their looks, jumped down. He knelt down to Opal's level.
"Not this time." Nathan said. "How about this? I need to go with the guys so we can talk about some things. We will be gone …. (Nathan looked at Frank) … about half an hour. Then I promise I will stay and take you on a ride. Maybe we can even find a helmet for you and I will ride alongside you."
"Really!" Opal cried.
"Yes." Nathan said. "When we get back, I will talk to your mom and then we will figure things out. Here I will even set the alarm on my watch so I know that we have to be back."
"Okay." Opal said.
Nathan gave her a hug and then remounted Athena. They guys took off on the trail leading over to the retirement center where they could ride four across.
"So what is going on?" Lee asked.
"We are really worried about Jack." Frank said. "You know that he slept on the couch last night after working out in the gym in the middle of the night."
"Oh no." Lee said. "I didn't realize. I didn't even hear him leave last night."
"You wouldn't hear a freight train." Doug said.
Lee shrugged his shoulders and just smiled.
"So you have seen this behavior before?" Frank asked.
"The summer after everything with Laura." Doug said. "He was so focused on training, that after a few weeks of his mother being here, he wasn't sleeping and doing a second workout in the middle of the night. He ran almost twenty miles one night and he was so angry."
"Wow." Frank said. "I was looking at the treadmill when you were all working out this morning and someone ran about ten miles last night."
"I will bet money that it was Jack." Doug said. "Probably also why it was colder in the gym as well. He will turn the temperature in there down several degrees and then work up a sweat."
"What should we do?" Frank asked.
"I suggest that we just keep an eye on him for a few days." Doug said. "Let's see if things get better by, say, Thursday. I know that he is feeling overwhelmed with everything going on. He won't admit it, but I can see it in his eyes when we talk about things. I don't know if the additional shows are a good idea, but now that he is registered, he won't back out. He will argue that he needs to do it because he committed to doing it or that if he pulls out what example is he setting for the girls.
I think all this with the horses over at the track are also creating stress. I get why Jack is upset about Midnight's Run. I know that he had bet a lot of money on that horse doing very well and he was until a few weeks ago, when he got bumped in a crowd and fell from second to fifth. I agree with them bringing Midnight back here and giving him some rest before trying to run him here in Saratoga. If he wants to qualify for a New York Bred award, the horse has to race in either Aqueduct or here in Saratoga."
"Then add in the chance that the horse could be running at the Breeder's cup." Nathan said. "I can see why Jack is stressed about things. He is worried about the track officials forcing him to geld a horse in order to race."
"I didn't know that they could do that." Frank said.
"It is complicated." Doug said. "There are a lot of things that go into it, but it boils down to race officials saying that the horse is not fit to race in their current state. So then the owner asks how they can change the status of the horse. It is then suggested that gelding a horse is an almost sure fire way of calming a horse down. I don't agree with the assessment, but whatever."
"I agree." Frank said. "Gelding a horse is not always the answer. I have seen plenty of young horse gelded and they don't calm down. Sometime, many times there is another issue as to why the horse is being aggressive."
"If there is something going on." Doug said. "Jack will figure it out. I have never seen a horse that he couldn't figure out."
"What do you mean?" Frank asked.
Doug looked at Lee.
"We were, what about fourteen, so the second summer we were up here." Doug said.
"I think so." Lee said.
"Anyway." Doug said. "There was this horse that kept acting up any time he was in a crowd. He had been gelded, but it didn't make a difference. James was thinking that he was going to have to put the horse down as he was almost sure to bite other horses if it turned out with them."
"What did Jack do?" Nathan asked.
"Jack sat there on the railing watching the horse for hours." Doug said. "He then put a grazing muzzle on him and then turned him out with several other horses. Even with the muzzle on he tried to bite the others, but realized that he couldn't. He stomped his hoof several times and tried to charge another horse who reared up to fight. The other horse was bigger than the one biting, so he backed down quickly. Jack then removed the horse and took his muzzle off and let him be with others but a short fence between them, he stopped trying to bite. They don't know why the horse was biting and they don't know why he stopped, but Jack thought it might be because someone bigger had challenged him."
"Amazing." Frank said.
Nathan looked at his watch.
"We need to head back." Nathan said. "I did promise Opal."
"Yes you did." Doug said.
The guys turned around and talked about other things as they headed back to the stable.