Now that my financial concerns had been blasted away with my new job at the Classic Might, I was free to pursue more important things - like a meditation technique that claimed to let me commune with the spirit of Zyzz.
Aziz Sergeyevich Shavershian, better known as Zyzz, was a famous bodybuilder during the Pre-Quirk era known for his extremely aesthetic physique and massive heart. He inspired millions of people to take up the mantle of bodybuilding, but he sadly passed away during his youth.
Time went on, and people gradually forgot about him, but a small group of fanatics kept his legacy alive and continued to promote the use of steroids.
They even claimed… that they could commune with his spirit.
Why would you want to do so? Well, I was personally of the opinion that getting to talk with a legendary bodybuilder was pretty cool, but the more important thing that was rumored was that communing with the spirit of Zyzz would increase the positive effects of anabolic steroids by up to 70%.
The converse was also true though - the negative side effects would increase as well, and consequently, every person to ever commune with the spirit of Zyzz ended up getting a heart attack.
Not me though. I'm built differently! I'm constructed unusually! My quirk means I don't need to care about the side effects of steroids, so this will only be a net positive.
The ritual for summoning the spirit of Zyzz involved doing a line of cocaine, injecting pure tren into your bloodstream, and meditating inside a sauna.
For best results, the creator of the ritual claimed that a Thai sauna was necessary, but I didn't exactly know what constituted a Thai sauna, so I just went to the local hot springs onsen and stripped naked.
The syringe had already been prepared, so I pinned the B-Tren directly into my ass cheek, and sat down to meditate.
Unbidden, my hands rose up and brought a fistful of white powder to my face, and I inhaled loudly, snorting every last bit of the "sugar" up my nose.
A rush of energy surged through me, and my brain started working faster and my body started heating up. I continued to meditate, searching for the spirit of Zyzz, but sadly I didn't find anything.
Bummer. Maybe next time.
Zyzz it seemed, wasn't responding today - or maybe his signal was bad? Whatever the case was, today was a bust.
I should hit up my boy Tokoyami and go bust some skulls maybe.
Big Black Crow - Tokoyami
—
Tokoyami [11:22AM]
The darkness lingers… shadows, craven beings, monsters who prowl in the night… they plan to usurp the happiness of the commoners. Midoriya, will you join my crusade against these unholy terrors?
Midoriya [3:51PM]
I wasn't gonna join you, but my ritual to summon Zyzz has failed, so uh, you know what let's do it.
Tokoyami [3:51PM]
Shoku! Musu! Tsunami! Gothic! KFC! 1231241231! Evil Shadows!
Midoriya [3:51PM]
Say what now?
Tokoyami [3:51PM]
Sometimes, my inner demons take control… you should be cautious Midoriya. If you let down your guard, my darkness might consume you forever.
Midoriya [3:51PM]
Just tell me the plan again man.
Tokoyami [3:51PM]
On the seventh day of the seventh night, a seventh daughter gave birth to a seventh daughter. This daughter was able to see the cursed spirits of the fallen moon, and she was plagued forevermore by evil. We're going to cleanse her.
Midoriya [3:51PM]
So someone with an invisibility or intagibility quirk has been harassing a girl?
Tokoyami [3:51PM]
Well if you want to sound boring, then essentially yes. That's what happened.
Midoriya [3:51PM]
I'll see you in 5.
—
I set off from the sauna immediately after texting Tokoyami and confirming our partnership for the day, as fellow vigilantes of justice in the name of fighting crime.
For today's mission, I equipped a scream mask and wore boxing gloves to blunt my fists, otherwise, I was afraid I might cause severe injury to the criminals we were going to tackle today. I brought with me some incense sticks and a copy of the Dao De Ching, some type of eastern mystical manual which had advice on expelling evil ghosts.
I put on several wooden prayer beads, and covered myself in amulets and talismans just to be safe. The girl manning the counter at the store I bought the stuff from was quite pretty, and she claimed that the amulets could paralyze evil spirits. She also said that bloodletting and acupuncture of the 3rd Yang Kidney acupoint could cure brain tumors, so I'm not sure how credible her advice was, but I figured getting some talismans couldn't hurt.
After my preparations were complete, I rode my bicycle down to the address Tokoyami sent me because I didn't own a car.
The house Tokoyami had me meet up at seemed pretty empty.
I waved my hand at him and was about to greet him when Tokoyami clapped a hand over my mouth and hissed at me. "Be quiet! The evil spirit is inside."
"How are we going to expel the spirit? I mean the criminal with the intangibility quirk," I whispered back softly. "He's harassing the girl inside right?"
"Yeah," Tokoyami whispered back. "The Pro Heroes didn't take her case because they thought she was hallucinating, so no one's come to help her. I decided to take up the case. Just follow me inside. The moment I kick open the door, we're going to attack!"
I nodded, and my blood started pumping and surging. This is my first mission working alongside the Big Black Crow. I can't mess up, or he's gonna strangle me with his Big Black Shadow. Of course, I could beat the shit out of him with my muscles, but we're allies, so I'm sure it won't get to that point.
Tokoyami kicked down the door explosively and we both rushed in.
"Hogwarts Anti Invisibility Magic!" Tokoyami screamed as he entered. His Big Black Shadow ™ expanded into a giant bird that covered the room, flushing out all the dark shadows inside the room. I called up my prodigious steroid boosted strength and smashed the floor, causing the people in the room to lose their balance and fall to the ground.
Before we could do anything though, someone smacked the back of my head.
"Have you no shame?" A man dressed in a white coat shouted at me furiously. "How dare you disturb the treatment centre for schizophrenia!"
I was dumbfounded. "The treatment center?"
"Yes!" The man roared. "This is a hospice for schizophrenics! Their conditions are unstable, and they need quiet living spaces! Why would you burst in and rumble the floor like that?"
I looked at Tokoyami wide eyed.
"Uh."
"We received a report that one of the girls here was being hounded by an evil spirit," I explained. "I thought that it was likely that a criminal with an intangibility quirk was harassing her."
"Exactly," Tokoyami chimed in. "What manner of foul beast would do such a thing to a fair maiden?"
The man, now doctor I presumed, glared at us, and his face rapidly darkened. "The girl you're talking about stopped taking her medication and suffered from an attack. There is no evil spirit, or criminal with an intangibility quirk!"
Both of us fled the room after hearing that, and I swore not to do any more vigilante tasks with the Big Black Crow.
Stupid fuck. He can't even get his info right.