A/N: I have been thinking about this since I first wrote this chapter for the Blood Moon series. And now I have come back to it to make it One-Shot.
Vampires can get drunk.
But of course it worked different than it did on humans.
Vampires could drink a glass of whichever alcohol without repercussions, though it could bring them drowsiness sometimes, enough to knock them out at times. The lack of blood in their bodies made the alcohol hit them harder and faster than it would to an average human.
Reasons the Cullens were extra careful with the alcohol consumption during Bella and Edward's wedding, drink just the right amount to not make people ask questions.
Nothing else, nothing more.
But Alice's never been keen on rules, thus, she ended up drinking a bit too much, and of course Jasper followed suit.
That's how the pair ended up sitting under a table with several bottles of champagne and a half eaten slice of cake that Alice had thought wise to taste, because she tried so hard to make it all perfect, it was fair she got to taste it, but she couldn't taste it right.
Because she was a friggin vampire, and now she was curled in on herself nursing her seventh or so bottle of champagne cursing whoever the hell bit her, because the cake was so pretty, and she couldn't even taste it right. She wanted cake so bad, she was a vampire, but the cake looked so pretty, and it smelt sweet, it had to taste amazing for humans.
But all she tasted was an overwhelming sweetness that almost made her throw up, and the texture of the frosting had been like drinking oil, and the cake like chewing on a sponge, the reminder of it all did nothing but make her vision blur with tears that would never fall. Damn vampires!
Jasper at her side was biting a bottle half-heartedly while smudging the frosting on the discarded slice of cake with his finger.
His bowtie was missing and his suit's jacket was currently in her possession, she had wrestled him out of it at some point, wanting to wear it herself, his shirt was untucked and wrinkled, there were also a few strands of hair falling on his face.
He looked unusually pretty, like, he was seriously stunning on a good day, but right now she felt like he had become the most beautiful man on Earth, and she could do nothing but stare at him.
-You should taste it.- She found herself muttering after a moment, she ordered the cake, spent hours looking for someone who would make the tastiest cake ever, and the prettiest. He should take a taste, who knows, he might be able to taste something better than what she did.
-I don't like vanilla.- Jasper mumbled, stopping his ritual of chewing and biting the bottle for a moment so he could speak, he was seriously thirsty, and no matter how much champagne he drank he couldn't quite quell it.
All those wonderful scents outside… but he liked sitting here with Alice, she smelt much better, and she was prettier, with her soft skin and the sun in her eyes, that smile that was as beautiful as the brightest of stars, and that dress… lavender was such a nice color on her… he couldn't help but lean over to press a kiss on her neck.
Alice's hand came up to his chest and she pushed him back with a frown.
-Vanilla isn't that bad, I think, most people like it a lot.- Alice defended, grabbing the slice of cake from the ground and holding the plate out for Jasper who turned his face away with a disgusted look.
-Not me, I don't even like cake, I like pie, liked, apple pie. Apples… I want apples.- Apples which were sweet and refreshing and made life feel so much better.
-Just a taste? Please?- Alice begged.
-No.
-Pretty please with a cherry on top?- That got Jasper's attention who couldn't help but perk up at the last statement.
-Where's the cherry?- Alice frowned at his question before looking down at the cake, there was no cherry.
-I don't know, did you eat it?- She asked, looking up at Jasper.
-No, I didn't even knew there was one.
-There isn't?
-No.
-Then why did you mention it?- Alice demanded, scowling at him, Jasper frowned.
-You mentioned it first.
-No, I didn't.
-Yes, you did, did you eat it?
-Maybe?- Alice frowned, why did it felt like she had forgotten about something? Whatever, there was no cherry, she threw the cake away before snatching the bottle from Jasper, taking a swig and finishing off what was left.
-That was mine.- Jasper protested, snatching the bottle back, but there was nothing left, all the bottles were empty.
And he almost started crying right then, right there, but he didn't have any fucking tears to cry with!
-I'm sorry, shouldn't have drank it.- Alice said, leaning over to give him an Eskimo kiss. He turned his face away, making an unhappy sound.- Come on Jazzy, don't be sad, let's get more.- Alice said, pulling him with her as she crawled out from under the table.
Most of the guests were gone at this point, so it wasn't that hard to get through the crowd, Jasper sniffed quite a few humans he passed, their emotions tickling his skin, but it was all muddled he couldn't quite decipher what was it.
Alice stumbled with him through the crowd, giggling over the music and about whatever, she felt happier and much more lighter than she's felt in forever.
Both of them got to the kitchen without much trouble, it was empty, champagne bottles on the countertop.
-See? Told you there was more.- Alice said proudly, throwing herself into snatching a bottle, drinking it quite happy.
Jasper for his side completely forgot about the alcohol as he caught sight of the fridge, he went over to it and yanked it open, metal snapping under the force of the pull, leaving him holding the broken door now.
-That doesn't look good.- Alice said, chuckling as she hopped on the countertop, sitting cross legged.- Someone's gonna get in trouble.
-Not me.- Jasper mumbled, dropping the door on the floor, a loud crash resounding in the kitchen as metal connected with marble. Alice snickered and Jasper snorted before he began rummaging into the freezer for something to quell his thirst with.
With some hope something much better than alcohol.
He couldn't bite humans, Alice would be sad, he didn't want Alice to be sad, thus, other methods were required.
He found a packet of ribs that he didn't hesitate to rip open, grabbing one and sinking his teeth into it, it was cold, and it did had blood, but it was frozen, making it taste quite funny. He growled and threw it on the floor.
Alice snickered behind him, grabbing several bottles of champagne before climbing on top of the fridge so she could have a better look of Jasper.
That's how their time was spent, Alice drinking the remaining bottles of champagne while she sat on top of the fridge, giggling at Jasper's expressions and just being content with staring at him.
And Jasper ripping packages of raw meat open, sniffing and biting all over, chewing bits of raw meat to suck the blood off of them before spitting them out in disgust. Blood pooling on the floor as the frozen blood began melting, meat growing soft.
He tore open some bacon, it was warm and he slapped one on the countertop, for some reason, the wet slap sound that came from it alongside the way it stuck on the marble made laughter burst out, a snort coming from Alice before she was laughing too.
He grabbed another one and slapped it on the marble, more laughter filling the kitchen.
-I wanna stick one too.- Alice requested, and he gave her one, she brought her hand up, aiming to throw it onto the wall across the room, but it slipped and hit the ceiling instead.
It stuck to it.
Both of them stared at it for a moment, in absolute silence, watching as it began unsticking in slow motion before it smacked the marble floor with a wet splat.
Their snorts and laughter explode once again.
Jasper threw another one on the ceiling, this one fell quicker, splatting on the countertop with a wet flop that got them both erupting into fits of laughter once again.
-I wanna throw the last one!- Alice chimed in excitedly, Jasper gave it to her, she threw it across the room, it smacked a wall, sticking to it before it unstuck, falling backwards before it stuck to the wall again in a very much cartoonish manner.
Their laughter erupted again as the bacon fell down the wall, sticking and unsticking over and over again as it made its way down, and finally landed on the ground with a splat.
-That's so stupid.- Alice said in between laughs.
-But it's funny.- Jasper told as he turned to look at Alice, fighting to keep his laughter at bay, which was quite impossible when the bacon's fall kept repeating in his head, Alice regarded him with amusement.
-True. It was funny.
Jasper managed to stop laughing after a moment before going back to the fridge.
This time around he found a half eaten tub of chocolate ice cream from Bella, he grabbed it and opened it, throwing the lid on the floor before sniffing it, chocolate was one of the few things that still smelt as appetizing as a vampire as it had done as a human, he stuck his bloodied hand into it and grabbed and handful of it, bringing it to his mouth and licking it.
Surprisingly, it did taste somewhat similar to how it used to, a bit more intense, but great either way.
-How does it taste?- Alice asked with a curious look.
-It's good.- Jasper told, holding out his handful of melting ice cream for Alice to taste. She left her bottle to lean down, sniffing the chocolate cream for a moment before giving it a testing lick.
Her face lit up at the unnatural cold sweetness, such a strange thing, she never remembers having ever tasted something so sweet and delicious.
-Gimme gimme.- She demanded, holding her hand out for the tub of ice cream and making grabby motions for it, Jasper gave it to her without a second thought, grinning at her happy squeal as she stuck her hand into the tub.
She looked cute with that sparkle in her eyes. Thus, he let her have the chocolate ice cream, he finished the one in his hand before he kept rummaging through the fridge, frowning as he found a white package, plastic, he had seen Bella open them to reveal frozen lollipops, purple, orange, red…
He grabbed it and tore the package open, it was red, he bit into it before grimacing over the terrible taste, it had a cherry undertone, but it was terribly overtaken by something completely awful.
He spat it before throwing it on the ground, he found a packet of steaks, extra bloodied, that was the best thing he's found so far, he tore it open before shoving half of one in his mouth, chewing on it and sucking the blood, he kept the bag close as he kept rummaging through the freezer, steak in his mouth, it was warm and it almost felt like biting actual flesh.
The blood didn't taste amazing, but it did quell some of the ache in his throat
He was about to snatch a packet of ground beef when he heard the footsteps.
-You have got to be kidding me.- A familiar voice filled the room and Jasper turned his head over his shoulder to see who it was.
A woman… Blonde… Pretty…
She was somewhat familiar, awfully familiar, but he couldn't for the life of him remember from where.
Still.
He growled, fingers curling into fists as he glared at her, this was his, he found it first.
-Rosie!- Alice called, waving at her with a dumb grin. Rosalie grimaced in disgust, Christ, was that ice cream dripping down her arm? All melted in Alice's hand? What the hell was she doing eating ice cream?
Her face and dress and God what was she? A child? And that was ignoring Jasper's own friggin mess, the kitchen stank of raw meat, blood and alcohol. He was growling at her.
Well, he was fucking wrong if he thought Rosalie would turn around and leave, there were still guests outside, any human could walk in at any second and see their stupid show. What the hell had they been thinking by getting fucking drunk and wrecking the kitchen?
These two were the last people on Earth she could have ever expected to see drunk. Their clothes as much of a mess as the kitchen itself.
-Rosalie, where-- Esme's words came to an abrupt halt as she walked into the kitchen to a most surreal sight.
Alice on top of the fridge with a tube of ice cream and several bottles of champagne with her, and Jasper was there too, all bloodied and with a steak on his mouth.
For a moment, that's all she could do, stare.
Stare and fight to process the mess before her and who exactly were the culprits.
Jasper and Alice were her two most well behaved children, so responsible and well behaved.
But this, God, what had they been thinking? How could they even-
-What do you two think you are doing?- Esme questioned sternly.
Her voice alone was enough to freeze the pair, Jasper even dropped the steak he had been holding in his mouth.
And still, Esme was definitely not prepared for Jasper to suddenly appear before her, throwing his arms around her, the gesture was so unexpected she hated to admit that for a fleeting moment, she thought he would attack, but to be fair, that was the only reason he would ever touch anyone that wasn't Alice.
To wrestle, or to attack.
But he did neither, in fact, this position…
Esme's eyes widened the moment she realized what he was doing.
Hug.
He was hugging her.
Jasper.
Was hugging her.
And that… she had no idea what to do with that, Jasper wasn't an affectionate person, at least not with people that weren't Alice. Esme's hugged all her children, more than once, either to comfort them or just because she felt like holding them.
But she's never managed to get to Jasper, he didn't like people touching him, either because of his gift or something else, she didn't knew, but no one questioned it, all of them had learnt long ago to respect his boundaries regarding this matter that for most people might come off as absurd.
If he didn't start the contact it was best not to push, he didn't had an easy upbringing, and his gift was still up to this day quite a mystery, any of those could be the reason for his aversion to touch, or it might be neither and he just didn't like physical contact.
Either way, everyone respected each other's boundaries, it was a most important rule if they wanted to coexist peacefully.
But he was touching her now, even as covered in blood as he was, she could care less about that when he was being so weirdly affectionated.
Still.
She couldn't let this distract her from this pressing matter.
-Don't think that a hug will spare you, young man.- Even if Esme said that she found herself daring to bring her hand up to rest on the back of his head, stroking his hair fondly.
Jasper mumbled something that sounded suspiciously french before pulling back and turning to leave, Rosalie grabbed his arm before he could.
-Where the hell are you going?
Rosalie regretted even touching him the second he had the audacity to throw his arms around her, her stomach twisted in unadulterated disgust over the hideous stench he wielded, alongside the fact that he was covered in blood, and her dress! She was gonna skin him alive.
And don't even get her started on the fact that he reeked of alcohol, she felt strongly compelled to kick him where the sun didn't shine if that meant getting him off of her, because having someone reeking of alcohol touching her, let alone a man, was not something she wanted anywhere near.
Brother or not.
Yet, before Rosalie could even think about hitting him he was being yanked away.
By Alice.
Such violent pull he stumbled and fell in the most undignified fashion possible, though to be honest tripping at all as a vampire was rather undignifying.
-What was that for?- Rosalie never thought she would live long enough to see Jasper look at Alice as if she had betrayed his entire existence.
-You shouldn't touch a woman who doesn't want to be touched.- Alice told, giving him an accusing look, Jasper frowned.
-She touched me first.
-Grabbing someone's arm isn't the same as a hug.
-I thought she wanted a hug. She wanted a hug.- Jasper defended, using both hands to exaggeratedly point at Esme at the last remark.
-Just because she did it didn't meant she wanted one too.
-How was I suppose to know that?
-Asking.
-I did ask!- Jasper snaps.
-You didn't!- Alice snapped back.
-I did!
-Did not!
-That's enough!- Esme snaps, she's never seen Jasper and Alice argue, she certainly didn't need to see it now, much less when they were both drunk and acting like immature children.- Rosalie, can you take Alice upstairs and help her get cleaned up?
Rosalie sighed, but she still reached out to grab her sister's arm.
-Come on.- Rosalie said, pulling Alice with her and struggling to not gag over the fact that Alice's whole arm was sticky with melted ice cream.
-But I haven't finished my ice cream.- Alice complained, making grabby motions for the champagne on top of the fridge with her free hand.
-You shouldn't even be eating that.- Rosalie tells as a statement of fact as she starts dragging Alice with her.
-But it tastes good!- Esme heard her cry.
She sighed before turning to look at Jasper, he was still on the ground, now sitting cross-legged and hitting the floor with a piece of raw bacon.
She resisted the urge to drag her hand down her face, what was she suppose to do with him?
-Jasper?- She called, his head snapped up to attention, looking up at her, he didn't seem to be quite there, God, what had even led him to do something so stupid? He never struck her as the kind to get drunk.
She should be glad that he at least seemed to be an unproblematic drunk unlike Emmett.
Emmett once got drunk and God had it been a feat to catch him, he had been running and jumping all over the place without an ounce of care whether a human saw him or not.
He had even devoured an unhealthy amount of human food.
Still.
Right now she needed to deal with Jasper.
Thus.
-Come here.- She called, holding her hand out for him to take, he stared at her hand for a moment before standing up, still holding onto the bacon.- Put that down.
-But-
-Down.- She cut off, giving him a stern look, she wasn't quite prepared for him to give her such a close to tears look. She almost let him keep the bacon.
Almost.
-You can't take food upstairs, much less raw. It's gonna rot and bring all kinds of animals.
He still looked at her with such desolation, as if Esme was asking him to give up his most treasured possession ever, but Esme was nothing if not good at not bending down to her children's will, what kind of mother would she be if she didn't develop a resistance to her kids' puppy looks?
Not that Jasper's ever given her such a look, but she couldn't let that deter her.
-Leave it Jasper.- She told again, and this time he did as told, scowling as he left the bacon on the countertop.- Good, now come here.- She grabbed his arm, he had hugged her, so she wanted to believe he wouldn't reject her touch right now.
He didn't put much of a fight when Esme led him out of the kitchen, and upstairs, and since Rosalie was in Alice and Jasper's bedroom with Alice she chose to take Jasper to her and Carlisle's room.
He needed to take a shower, and considering she could hear Rosalie snapping at Alice about needing to take a shower and seemingly wrestling her, well, Esme guessed it would be a while.
She sent a text to Carlisle, summarizing the issue, Jasper and Alice got drunk and made a mess in the kitchen, if he could please clean the mess at the kitchen, that needed to be dealt with ASAP, she didn't need a human walking in on that.
God knows what kind of rumors that might start.
Once that was dealt with she got back to Jasper.
-Use the shower in there, leave the clothes outside and do not dare to cross that door, understand?- Esme said, making a point to use her best stern tone as she leveled him with a warning look, she didn't need him wandering around looking like he was now, all covered in blood.
The last thing she needed was for him to run into a human, she had a feeling that that wouldn't end well.
For the human that was, she didn't even want to think how he might react towards a human in his current state.
Once Esme made sure he was in the bathroom and heard the water start running she left the room, going to his and Alice's bedroom to get him fresh clothes.
Rosalie was sitting at the end of the bed rubbing her forehead and looking like all her patience was on a thin line.
-God, I never thought she could get even more difficult to keep still.- Rosalie had been close to punching Alice, so close, because God , it felt like she had been aiming to get into the bathtub a friggin' cat that twisted in the most unhealthy ways just to get away from the water.
A human would have torn several muscles and broken a bone or two in Alice's place.
But she had managed it, and now she felt drained, as if she was the one who drank alcohol, because yes, alcohol might make vampires act as stupid as a human when drunk, but it also seemed to wield a similar effect to sugar rush.
An alcohol rush that made them do stupid things and be all over the place, but once it started to wear off… well, those two would end up with high levels of drowsiness.
Enough for them to end up passing out.
The closest thing to sleeping a vampire would ever get.
And she hoped the hangover hit them hard, such idiocy seriously, what were they? Teenagers?
-Where's Jasper?
-Taking a shower, or at least I hope he is, I heard the water running.- Esme said as she rummaged through the drawers and closet, snatching some fresh clothes for Jasper, she was quite surprised to find sweatpants, she's never seen him wear sweatpants, she didn't even know he owned regular clothes.
Jasper always dressed nice, and she's never managed to decipher if he did it because he liked it or because he just wasn't comfortable enough to dress more casually. It wasn't Alice's doing, she knew that much, against popular belief Alice wasn't the one who dressed him so fancy, he was.
Esme filed it under just another one of his "southern gentleman" mannerisms, at times she couldn't help but wonder if his mother had been the one to raise him like that, his father, himself?
Once she had the clothes she went back to her and Carlisle's room, leaving the clothes on the floor infront of the bathroom.
-Jasper? I left you the clothes outside the door, okay? Please put them on when you are done.- She told him, picking up the dirty ones.
-Aight.- Was the answer she got, Esme sighed before leaving the room, she made a stop at Alice and Jasper's room, taking Alice's clothes with her too before taking them to the laundry.
And not for the first time she wondered what had led those two to get drunk, she left the clothes washing, going back to her and Carlisle's room, she found Jasper already out of the bathroom, wearing the sweatpants and the hoodie she had brought him, his hair was dripping and he was barefoot.
And Esme was suddenly struck by the reminder of how actually young he was.
The current view not helping much.
-What do you think you're doing young man?- She questioned, her voice stern, he was frozen in place, like a deer caught in the headlights, he was sitting at the window sill with one leg already out of the window.
He stared at her, she stared back.
-Well?- She pressed, waiting for an answer.
-Nothin'.- He muttered, throwing another look outside, she heard the heartbeats outside, close, too close, was he…? Was he stalking humans?
-I believe I left it clear to not leave this room.- She found herself speaking, taking a step forward, his attention was outside again, she had to get him back before he hurt someone.
-You said to not cross the door, 'm not crossin' the door, so, theoretically speakin', 'm not going against what was asked of me.- He said, still staring outside, she could see him leaning more towards outside, shoulders tense, as if preparing to jump.
He got the other leg out.
And Esme had to use her speed to get to him, throwing her arms around him to keep him in place before he could so much as jump. He stiffened in her hold, breath hitching before she felt him clutch the arm she had around his chest, hard .
-Don't even think about it.- She warned, she couldn't let him kill someone, both because that would bring a lot of troubles and also because at the end, he would be the one who would suffer the most.
She wasn't quite sure what to think when he leaned back against her, but she was definitely not expecting him to make the most teenager whine in history.
-'m hungry, why does Edward gets to bite someone? I wanna bite someone too.
-First of, he won't be killing anyone, he's gonna turn her and that's it, and second of, you can't just go around turning people at random.- Esme told as a statement of fact, leading him away from the window and towards the bed, pushing him to sit down at the edge of the bed.
She used her speed to get a towel from the bathroom, coming back to him and throwing it around his shoulders, using it to dry his hair, he was gonna get his shirt all soaked at this point.
-The Volturi do it.- He protested, giving her a smug look, as if he had won over some invisible argument, and Esme wondered where did her sweet gentleman went to and who was this sassy teenager who thought he had all the right answers in the world.
-Are you the Volturi?- She asked him, raising an eyebrow at him, she mildly felt like those mothers who asked their children about " If your friends jump off a bridge, would you jump as well?".
She bit back a smirk at his disgusted look.
-Hell no! Who would want to be an overglorified prick who commits terrorism in the name of law?
Esme raised both eyebrows at the unexpected words she just heard, she's never heard Jasper swear before, she didn't even knew he could, and something about hearing him do so was both amusing and odd.
He was always so polite, always so well mannered, it made her wonder at times how he must have been like as a child, she liked to imagine how all her children must have been like as kids.
And she imagined Jasper to have been the dreamy little gentleman every mother hopes for their sons to be, he might have also been a bit mischievous, he did like getting into trouble with Emmett, a lot.
Once she was done with his hair she had to keep herself from laughing at the mess of curls she left him with, he was starting to doze off, she noticed.
-Come on darling, you can rest once you get to your room.- She told him, removing the towel off his shoulders and leaving it on the back of a chair.
-'m not tired.- He muttered.
-Of course.- Esme conceded with an amused smile, she wished she had a camera with her so she could take a picture of his face.
But again, even if she had the camera she knew she wouldn't be able to, Jasper hated photos, something Esme had a feeling his scars were to blame for.
Even now his scars were such a sensitive issue, and at times she wondered about the horrors he must have lived through, the things he must have seen…
She led him to his and Alice's bedroom, she couldn't hear Rosalie's shouts anymore, so she hoped they were already done.
And right was it, Alice was out of the bathroom and under the bed, she could see the long sleeves peeking under the bed, much too long, if she didn't knew she would think she was wearing one of Jasper's shirts.
Rosalie sat at the end of the bed with her "I'm this close to punching someone" face.
Esme released Jasper, and the second she did the second on the ground, looking under the bed.
-I thought you said this was my room.- Came Alice's anxious voice from under the bed, Rosalie scowled as she stood up, she wanted to go to her room, take a shower, and forget these past two hours happened at all.
-It's.- Rosalie told as a statement of fact. She was forgetting things now?
-Then why is there a handsome man in my room?
Silence.
Rosalie did admit that made her crack a smile.
-Honey, he's your husband.- Esme said, covering her smile, Alice's head poked out from under the bed, both fascination and complete bewilderment plastered on her face.
-He is?
-I am?
Both were staring at Esme, as if waiting for some kind of joke, when none came, Alice crawled from under the bed, and without an ounce of hesitation she threw her arms around Jasper, bringing her face so close to his it was almost hilarious the way his eyes widened in the most "lovestruck teenage boy" expression.
-I've a pretty wife.- Came his whisper, pure fascination in his voice, and suddenly, the room was engulfed in a sea of the coziest warmth ever felt, a pool of bright warmth that bloomed in their chest and spread all over, filling them with such comfortable fuzziness, like butterflies dancing across their skin, fluttering tingles all over their face, like staring at a sunset in the middle of summer.
Rosalie had to sit down as the weight of such overwhelming feelings made her muscles weaken, Esme leaning against the wall.
And it took them both more than they were willing to admit to realize the cause.
Jasper.
Alice was melted against him, looking like she was having the most wonderful sleep in the entire world, a peace and happiness like none other plastered on her face.
And Jasper was there, just staring at her with soft eyes, completely ignoring their presence.
He was the one bleeding those emotions all over.
Love.
And God, Rosalie sometimes forgot he could even do that, she didn't even knew he could do so to such intense level, or was that just because that's how much he felt for Alice? She had to admit that was impressive.
The amount of love he had for her.
Their relationship was sometimes so hard to even process, the love between them was so intense, one look seemed to carry over a thousand words, and the way they sometimes moves in perfect synch…
Rosalie had to admit she was a bit jealous of their unusual bond, jealous and fascinated, their interactions could be so subtle, but so intense.
Like watching a dance only they knew the clues of.
Meanwhile, Esme smiled at the endearing sight, she could never not be amazed at the bond between those two, feeling Jasper's love for Alice did nothing but strengthen her belief that those two, regardless of people's words, were definitely made for each other.