Title: I Haven't Slept in days, but Who's Counting?
Day: Whumptober 2023 Day 12
Prompt: "I haven't slept in days, but who's counting?" Red/Insomnia/ "I'm up, I'm up."
Fandom: rottmnt
Word Count: 1079
Author: aquietwritingcorner/realitybreakgirl
Rating: T
Characters: Raphael, Splinter
Warning: NA
Summary: After the Krang invasion, everyone has a lot of healing to do. For Raphael, however, his healing comes after his family's. Fortunately for him, Splinter has other ideas, and has been taking notice of what his son has been going through.
Notes:
I Haven't Slept in Days, but Who's Counting?
Raph stared down at his mask. He held it in his hands, just looking at it. It was clean. The red fabric had been washed, courtesy of Casey, he thought, but he wasn't sure. He couldn't wear it yet, his eye still healing, but he had it anyway.
He could see the slash marks in it, still, where the Krang had put that… that parasite into him and where he had pulled it out. He could still feel it. He could still feel the way that it had crawled around in his brain, feel the way that it took over his body, transforming it, violating it, taking over his mind, his will. He could still feel the way that it forced him to do things, to hurt his brothers, to make him do awful things. He could still feel it. He could still feel it. He could still feel it—
"Red?"
Raph pulled back with a gasp and looked over at the entrance to the kitchen. Splinter stood there, looking at him with concern.
"Pops?"
Splinter moved further into the kitchen, sitting the empty cup he had on the table. "Red, what are you doing up?"
Raph tried to give his dad a smile, but he had a feeling that it didn't fool his dad. He had a feeling that it wouldn't fool anyone. "Oh, ya know. Just, uh, just couldn't sleep."
Splinter eyed him suspiciously, but didn't call him out on, well, it wasn't really a lie, but it also wasn't completely honest either. Instead, his father went to the stove, where he put water in the tea kettle and turned on the eye to heat the water. He didn't say a word, and neither did Raph.
"You seem to be having much trouble with that lately," Splinter finally said. "Is there a particular reason?"
Raph looked back down at the mask in his hands, quickly balling it up and trying not to panic. "Uh, no. No reason at all, pops. Just, uh, just having a little trouble, that's all." He quickly searched for a change in topic. "You, uh, you up watching that new show of yours? That soap?"
"Ah, yes. Since Purple installed the ability to record them, I've been able to go back and marathon all that I've missed. I cannot believe that Kristy is going to take Eric back after he cheated on her with her evil twin Kirsty. Of course, I'm waiting for Kristy to find out that Rosaline knew the whole time and didn't say anything to Kristy, but instead tried to talk to Eric, because Eric is her brother's fiancée's third-cousin's best friend's uncle, and she didn't want to Kristy to get hurt. Meanwhile Kirsty is sitting on the secret that Rosaline's new boyfriend is actually her long-lost sister's husband, but Rosaline has no idea about that, or that her sister is actually alive and the owner of the flower shop that Rosaline works in to help raise money for her six year old's college fund, because he is a genius."
Raph listened as his father rambled on about the soap opera he was watching, not really paying that much attention to it. Instead, he glanced back down at the mask he still held balled up in his fist. His hands were under the table, so, slowly he opened them up and stared at the mask again.
For a moment, that's all he did. He stared at it letting Splinter's ramblings fade to the background. It felt like it was staring back at him, like it was judging him, and Raph wasn't sure he was strong enough to deal with that. He wasn't sure he could live up to the mantle of "leader" or "big brother" or "protector" or "hero" anymore. He wasn't sure that he even deserved to wear the mask again.
And then the mask moved.
Raph blinked at it in surprise, but that was all he had time to do before the mask was whipping itself up and winding itself around his wrist, hitting right at all of the worst possible places, and the ones that would cause the most pain. He gasped and tried to shake it off, but it just grabbed on tighter, writhing and bubbling as it grew, shooting up to engulf his arm, his body, and heading for his head—
"Red!"
Raph gasped and raised his head up from where it had fallen, his chin on his chest.
"Red?"
Right. Pops.
"I'm up, I'm up," Raph said, brushing aside the hand that was on his wrist—his wrist that didn't have the mask that was currently balled up in his hand wrapped around it.
Splinter allowed it, but he gave his son a knowing look. He walked back to the stove, taking the tea kettle off and pouring some of the hot liquid into his cup.
"Yes," he said. "I see that. And how long have you been awake, Raphael?"
Raph winced. "I um…" he looked back at his father, at that stern, knowing look he had, but the one that said he cared, nonetheless. Raph's shoulders slumped. "I haven't slept in days, but who's counting, right?" he said.
With everything that was going on—Donnie's shell, Mikey's hands, Leo's everything—what did it really matter that he wasn't sleeping well?
"I am," Splinter said, and Raph's head shot back up from where he had looked down at the red mask peeking out from his fist.
"I am, Raphael," Splinter repeated, "because it matters to me."
For a moment, Raph couldn't breathe. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't think, he couldn't do anything. But that simple sentence undid him, and tears welled up in his eyes, before falling in a steady stream.
Splinter wasted no time. He went straight to his son's side and guided the young man's head down to his shoulder.
"It is alright, Red," he said softly, soothingly. "It is alright. Your pain is no less important than theirs. I am here for you, my son. I am here for you."
Raph leaned into his father and cried, his hand finally loosening from that red mask he held as he reached up to wrap his arms around his father. And for the first time since he'd picked it up days ago, "red" didn't seem like a burden or a failure. Instead, it felt like love and care from his father, and that was what Raph was going to choose to cling to.