Weary Hearts
Disclaimer: If you recognize it then I don't own it.
A/N: For Whumptober 2023 #12 "I haven't slept in days but who's counting?" Insomnia
Tim Drake couldn't sleep. It wasn't a new development in his young life. He was only seventeen, not even an adult yet, but every time he tried to close his eyes he felt decades older. Growing up he had had little adult supervision. He could stay up as late as he wanted, nobody was around or cared enough to tell the little boy to go to bed. Which was fine by him, since he started his detective work then. The dynamic duo's work was that of the night and by default so was his.
He followed the Bat and Bird as they emerged when the sun went down. He spent years watching them, documenting their every move with loving care. They became a kind of pseudo-family even if they didn't know he existed. He watched the first bird grow and leave the nest. The second bird came to take his place and the Bat's quest continued without a hitch until the second bird died instead of flying away like the first. He watched the Bat implode into violence and grief. He tried to get the first bird to fly back and help but he refused. After so long watching his heroes from the shadows, Tim became the third bird.
He still didn't sleep much, but at least now he was fighting crime instead of just watching from the sidelines. Life was no longer lonely in the dark of the night but it became infinitely more complicated. He made new friends and new enemies. Found love and family but like shifting sand he lost and gained depending on where he stepped on the path of a hero. His world became a blur of whiplash, ever-rotating roles and relationships, there one day and gone the next. What sleep he was able to get turned into nightmares of loss and failure. He never knew who would be there when he awoke. Or who he would be.
He pushed himself to become better, to not make mistakes that caused lives to be lost, or to be too slow or not smart enough innocents from being hurt. He couldn't save everyone. He knew that logically but had a hard time convincing his heart of the fact. He was only human, never enough. He was a human among gods, but he'd seen even gods die.
He was happy once, full of hope, but all he could feel now was despair as the shadows closed in around him. The glare of the bat computer burned into his retinas, but still, he stared, not daring to blink. His tired eyes demanded to close, but he saw only death on the inside of his eyelids. He couldn't sleep.
A hand grabbed him from the shadows. His fatigued muscles tensed as he went for his staff. His sleep-deprived mind struggled to interpret the splash of purple in his shadowy world. Stephanie Brown stood before him. She had died once. He loved her, but he had let her down too.
"Your brothers are worried about you," Stephanie told him, her eyes soft and worried, "We all are."
"I'm sorry," Tim's voice came out hoarse and exhausted.
A small smile turned up her lips, "Then go to bed already."
"I can't," Tim looked away in shame from her earnest eyes.
She had become her own hero trying to stop her criminal dad. She had worked so hard to prove herself a hero to the Bats and still was barely tolerated. She carried her own kid for nine months and gave away her own flesh and blood to give the baby the best chance in life. She was so selfless and strong. Nothing like Tim. He had been a lonely kid who selfishly forced himself into the hero life. She did things because she thought they had to be done, not because Batman told her to. She no longer needed to seek the approval of Batman, she had become her own hero.
"Tim," She cupped his face and turned it back towards her, "It's time to let go and sleep."
"I can't," He repeated, his eyes pricked with tears.
She had always been quite good at reading him when they dated. Without another word, she grabbed his hand and pulled him to his feet. Leading him out of the cave and into the light of the manor. He squinted as his head pounded at the brightness assaulting him after so long in the dark. Alfred gave her a relieved nod as she led him up the stairs to his rarely used room. Pulling out his pajamas she ordered him to change out of his costume. She turned to the door to give him some privacy. From the corner of his eye, he witnessed a silent exchange between her and his brothers. With steel in her eyes and a reassuring smile gracing her lips she let the others know she had the situation handled. They left him to her care with only a token protest.
She marched back over to him once he was changed, there was no stopping her now. She tucked him into bed and went to turn off the light. Darkness enveloped the room and fear rose in his throat. He wanted to call out to her, ask her not to leave, but what right did he still have to ask her to stay? He squeezed his eyes shut trying to ignore his rising anxieties. He was trapped until morning, somebody would be watching the door by now. He was alone in the dark.
He was startled to feel the mattress dip beside him. He was spiraling so badly that he didn't notice Stephanie come back. She didn't leave him. She cuddled next to him and started carding a hand through his dark locks like she used to do. He stilled under her comforting touch, his breathing slowed and evened the longer they lay together in the dark.
"It's gonna be okay, Tim. I won't let anything bad happen tonight." She whispered as his eyes grew heavy, "We won't have any nightmares tonight."
He was just drifting off when he felt a larger hand on his head. His eyes remained closed as Bruce ran his callused fingers through his hair with Stephanie's warm loving presence at his side.
"Thank you," Bruce rumbled into the darkness, "You did a good job."
In the end, it didn't really matter which one of the duo on the bed he was talking to, as he laid a hand on each of their heads it seemed both were included anyway. They had both desperately needed to hear those words from his lips.
Tim and Stephanie both fell into a peaceful sleep for the first time in a very long time.