Author's Note: So I got this idea when I read a post on Tumblr last night about Demisexuality, and from my other fic "A change of Heart" where Eivor showed Demisexuality traits when she crushed on Oswald. Also I've always had a headcanon that she's Trans Masculine after seeing her in the game.
Remember this is a work of fiction, and any Transphobia from her parents is all fake. Unfortunatelty a lot of trans people do go through Transphobic and bigoted abuse from people who don't undertand, I was one of them as a young Trans person growing up. The experiences Eivor goes through is heavily based on my childhood (being slightly dramatized for fiction purposes) but a lot of it was the same.
Lastly any Transphobic comments will be blocked and removed. I don't tolerate Terfs and Transphobes on my page you can piss off. Now that that's cleared, let's get on with the fic.
Eivor Varinsdottir always knew from a young age that she was different to the other girls around her, She liked playing with Cars, Trains, Climbing Trees and getting her hands dirty, all the things other girls her age never liked.
Eivor remembered going Clothes Shopping as young as the age of four, and Rosta asking her What she wanted to buy and wear. Eivor had admantly led her Mother away from the girls section and into the boys. Then she had pointed to Rosta that she wanted a Blue T-shirt and a pair of jeans. Rosta had agreed, wanting to make her daughter happy.
Eivor started to realise she was different around the age of five and six, when she went to the cinema with Strybjorn to watch the movie "Cars". Everyone in there were boys, she was the only female in there. That was only the beginning.
Later in school, when it came to playtime, Eivor never felt more alone when she was the only girl who was playing with Lego sitting with the boys, when the rest of her female peers were all huddled by the dollhouse, fighting for which doll to play. Yes it was quieter in her end, but she couldn't help feel a little isolated.
One day, during a "Bring a Toy to School" day, She had brought Lightning Mcqueen. She loved Cars. Mcqueen was her hero, she would go home and watch the DVD with Sigurd everyday. Until one girl named Emily had to destroy her little bubble.
"What is that?" Emily pointed towards the Young Eivor as her cronies snickered behind her.
"What?" Eivor frowned. "It's a Toy Car. It's Lightning Mcqueen from Cars"
Emily laughed. "Lightning Mcqueen?" as the other girls around her roared in laughter. "Your a girl Eivor, Girls shouldn't be playing with toy cars. You should be playing with Barbie"
Eivor was stunned as she watched them laugh. Luckily the group of boys she hung out with came to her defence.
Putting an arm around her, the kid named Jason, retorted back.
"I think it's really cool that Eivor plays with Cars. Don't you think Boys?"
A group of Boys who huddled behind Jason who were talking about Lewis Hamilton and carrying Power Ranger action figures approached Eivor and Jason.
"Yeah. It's so cool. I love Cars and Lightning Mcqueen. Eivor if you ever want to play Cars with us, your always welcome" another boy named Sam said
Emily and her cronies rolled their eyes while holding the barbie dolls "Oh Whatever Sam" she said before she walked away.
Eivor walked over to her male friends relieved. "Hey Thank you. That really means a lot"
Jason shook his head admantly "No problem Eivor, girls can play with toy cars too not just boys"
Feeling more welcomed, Eivor continued to hang out with Jason and his group.
Eivor pushed the thought away as more unpleasent memories started to surface up, that was only just the beginning of the diffculties she would face.
It continued like that for a few more years without any problem, until one day when she turned ten years of age and finished school for the summer, her Mother approached her with a stern word.
"Eivor. I need to talk to you" Her Mother started
"What?" Eivor asked, annoyed.
"You have been wearing boys polo shirts and trousers ever since you were five. It's about time that you stop now" she said sternly
Eivor's face fell. "What Why? What is the problem, Why can't I continue to wear Boys uniform?"
"Because you are getting too old to be a tomboy Eivor. The girls your age all wear Cardigans, and Summer dresses. You are the only one still wearing Trousers and Boys Polo Shirts, everyone else isn't"
Eivor couldn't help but deny that her Mother was right, at first many girls also wore jumpers and trousers, up until the fourth year of school. It seemed like suddenly as soon as they moved up and turned nine, they didn't want to anymore and switched to skirts and dresses instead. She indeed was the only one that was still doing it.
"But you promised up until Year six I would be able to, just until I finished Primary School. Don't make me wear a dress or a Cardigan, I absolutely hate it Please" She begged.
"No!" Rosta snapped "You are going shopping with me for new uniform right now, and a new wardrobe. You are also not allowed to wear boys clothes. I will dump your coat and get you a new one instead from the girls section. Whether you like it or not you are going to dress feminine from now on"
"No. I will not go. You can't force me to wear a cardigan and girls uniform. You can't! I won't wear it!" Eivor cried
"Fine. And you won't have a choice Eivor, it's either that or go into school naked. I am throwing your clothes in the bin right now!" she yelled back
Eivor watched as Rosta started piling her boys clothes and uniform in various bin bags, as she cried and cried to no avail as she helplessly watched her wadrobe get trashed.
The door slammed as Rosta took the bin bags with her putting it in the trash outside, before she proceeded to go to the local Children's store to get her daughter the new uniform and clothes.
Eivor was sulking in her room, when Rosta came back with a cheery smile, holding a new shiny Red coat with frills on the bottom of it.
"Look Eivor, I bought you a new coat. It's red, do you like it? It will keep you warm in the winter"
Eivor turned around frowning at the coat her Mother was holding up. "No. There's no way I'm wearing that. I hate it" she spat in disgust
Rosta sighed "Eivor... we have been through this, you are wearing this once the summer finishes. You will start a new year with new clothes and a new appearence."
"No" Eivor said admantly as she sulked on the bed.
"Here are your Cardigans. I've bought you several. You can try them on" Rosta approached Eivor dropping them on the bed.
Eivor shook her head. "No" she turned away from Rosta and the Cardigans on the bed.
Rosta sighed having dropped the new clothes for her daughter on the bed. Talking to Eivor was no use, so she closed the door and left to prepare dinner, hoping that she would come around in time.
Fast Forward, three months later.
It was the first day of term, and Eivor was getting changed in her room as she put the cardigan, tights and skirt on. She grumbled as she put the horrid thing on.
Ugh. It's full of flowers and so's my polo shirts. I can't stand flowers. I can't wait to take this off. I just want my jumpers back. But I don't have a choice, all my boys clothes are gone.
Sighing as she straightened the collar of the girl's uniform, Eivor went downstairs to the kitchen where she was met by Rosta.
Rosta grinned. "Oh look at you Eivor, you look so much better now that you are in a skirt and Cardigan. You look more ladylike"
She proceeded to get her Ipod out and take pictures as Eivor frowned at the camera.
"Do you have to Mother? I can't wait to get this over with" she rolled her eyes grumbling
Rosta put her ipod touch down as she turned to face Eivor. "Hey you never know, you might end up liking it. It'll take some getting used to it, but I'm sure you'll grow to like it!" She said trying to cheer her daughter up
Ugh. Yeah right. Never. I'll always miss my jumpers and trousers. Guess there's no going back now.
Instead, Eivor took her schoolbag with her and walked out the door calling "Bye!"
Rosta called out: "Bye Eivor, Have fun!"
Hours later, Eivor was in the classroom in the middle of a Geography lesson. She couldn't concentrate as the tight was itching against her skin, and leg and the wooly cardigan was digging into her skin. As with the new pumps that were stabbing her toes, as they weren't as wide as the black boys trainers that she was used to wearing before.
She scratched, leaning underneath the table at her leg, feeling very uncomfortable the whole time. Luckily no one noticed as she shifted from her seat uncomfortably. Missing her jumpers and trousers and old shoes more than ever.
Soon winter came, and that meant wearing that horrid coat that Rosta had bought for her, it was now lunch break and that meant going outside. Eivor was clad in the Cardigan and skirt with tights, as she stared at the coat in the cloakroom with disgust. Seeing the other boys not wearing their coats that their Mothers gave them, Eivor followed suit as she angrily threw the coat from the cloakroom hanger, while it fell on the floor.
I am not wearing that disgusting thing, I would rather freeze to death than wear a girly frilly red thing like that. She proceeded to stomp all over it, leaving mud smearing on the bright red shiny surface of the coat.
A few of her classmates, who happened to be walking past at the time, heading for the outside door stared at Eivor as she continued stamping on her coat in a unladylike manner.
A boy who happened to be passing through stopped. "Are you ok?" he asked looking at Eivor in concern
"I'm fine" she grumbled as she proceeded to walk outside in the freezing weather to play.
Eivor walked across the frozen playground, feeling very cold, when her male friend Jay invited her to play Doctor Who with her. She was very envious of Jay as Jay was in a big black Coat, all wrapped up warm. She so wanted to wear Jay's coat. If only. That was more her cup of tea. She continued playing with Jay while shivering.
Eivor put her coat back on on the way back home from school, which was now stained with mud from her earlier rage, she put it back on as she neared the door, so Rosta wouldn't suspect a thing that she never actually wore it in school. She had been doing this for the past few months, to hide the fact that she never actually wore it. So far Rosta had believed that she did, and believed that her daughter was actually starting to accept being a girl again.
So she was very suprised to see Eivor come in with a muddy coat.
"I'm home!" Eivor called out
Rosta who happened to be preparing dinner right at that very moment, came to the coridoor as she stared at Eivor looking concerned.
"Your Coat Eivor. Why is there so much mud on it?" She frowned
"Oh" "I tripped. I slipped on the playground while running." she lied
"You slipped?" Rosta frowned as she started to raise her voice "Well can you be a little bit more careful next time, now I have extra washing to do!"
Eivor opened her mouth to retort, but couldn't form the right words. Instead she stomped up the stairs, as Rosta cursed muttering in front of the washing machine.
So that's all that she cares about, is the stupid coat. Not about me, not about her daughter and how uncomfortable and unhappy I am wearing that thing. All she cares about is the coat and how clean it is, but not me.
Eivor stared hanging in the hallway, at Oswald who was sitting on the couch on the Xbox, occupied and busy with Call of Duty. He was currently occupied with shooting some Russians down and didn't notice she was there.
Will he react like them? Like my parents? No no no... he is different. Eivor tried to push the thought away as other memories came back.
Half a year had passed and now it came the big decision of every parent and young child before their eleventh birthday. It was time to choose Secondary schools.
Eivor had decided that she wanted to go to the mixed schools in the area so she could continue being around boys and near boys, but Rosta had other ideas.
"So Which School would you like to go to Eivor?" Rosta asked as they sat on the kitchen table, one night after school.
"The mixed ones. I want to be with the boys. I don't want to go to a single sex school that is full of girls. I want to be with the boys"
Rosta tutted. "That is not happening, Eivor. You are going to a all girls school" she shook her head in disapproval
"But Why? Why can't I be with the boys Mama?" she moaned
"Because" Rosta said sternly "They're a bad influence. I already let you hang out with your father and brother too much growing up, and now look at you. You need to be with other girls your age so you can learn to be girly again. With the boys there you can't"
"But mama..." Eivor tried to protest
"No But's! You are going to that girls school end of"
"Fine" Eivor grumbled as she started to sulk once more, slouching on her chair.
"Good" Rosta smiled. "So shall we make the application now then?"
A year later, Eivor had her first incident with Gender Dysphoria.
She had come back from school, in her blazer and school shirt and skirt along with knee high socks, once again to face an stern Rosta that was waiting for her.
"Eivor" she started
"What now?" Eivor rolled her eyes once more, she was tired and just wanted to sit down and have a snack when her Mother was there in the Kitchen already.
"It's time for you to start wearing Bras. Everyone your age is wearing one, and you are the only one who doesn't choosing to wear a tank top underneath. Everyone else your age is doing it, now it's your turn"
Eivor flushed at the word of "Bra". "But Mama I'm not ready yet, I don't even have boobs!" she stuttered
"I don't care" Rosta spat with venom. "You are coming with me tomorrow, and we are getting you some bras. Don't you want to look Sexy? Your not going to attract any boys if your flat chested"
"But I don't even want a boyfriend! I'm not even ready yet!" Eivor cried back
"You are coming with me tomorrow, end of" She snapped
Frozen in shock as realisation dawned on her, Eivor ran to her room where she cried for the rest of the night at the horrifying thought of wearing a bra.
I like my chest flat and how it is. I don't want to wear a bra, my chest will look big. Then boys will look at me and think of me that way. I don't want that. I don't want to look girly and sexy, I want to look like a man. I don't even need one I don't even have boobs yet.
The next day, Rosta and Eivor were at the bra shop.
Eivor rolled her eyes wishing that she would be anywhere except for here. Rosta meanwhile was grinning cheerily as she waved bra after bra in front of her daughter.
"What about this one?" She suggested bringing up a lace push up bra
"No" Eivor shook her head, refusing "That's two sizes too big. My Chest isn't even that big. And I hate Lace. Yuck"
"Ok" Rosta said before she excitedly grabbed another one "What about this one with Flowers? It's not push up but it's an angel one for teens. It'll be a perfect starter one for you so you can be like the other girls"
Eivor picked it up as she scrutnized the blue flowers on the white bra, turning it around. 34C. It read. The cups looked massive. She shook her head once again.
"Fine. This one then"
Rosta was overjoyed "I'll take it to the checkout right now, then you can wear it to school tomorrow."
Eivor sighed, feeling dread creep up as she realised that today was going to be the last day she was going to be braless.
Soon Rosta came back with the bag where her new bra was. "Come on Eivor, let's go. Let's get you home so we can try it!"
The whole journey back in the car, Eivor was in a sour mood. She stared out the window as dread and anxiety started to creep up. As they got closer and closer to their home. Soon enough they arrived.
Opening the car door as they both exited her Mother's car, they arrived in their home. Rosta passed the bag to Eivor.
"Here you go Eivor, you can try them on"
Eivor took the bag begrudingly as she went to her room. Setting the bag down on the bed, she sat there staring at it for a while.
Maybe it won't be so bad? Maybe it won't make my chest that big, I mean I survived wearing a skirt and a Cardigan and also female jeans, surely this shouldn't be so bad?
Undressing, she took the bra and clasped it across her empty bare chest. It was loose on the sides, due to the fact that Eivor had no breasts to cover.
Placing a T shirt on top over it to secure it Eivor went to the mirror and immediately regretted it.
She gasped as she turned to face her reflection looking back at her, her chest was much bigger, as if somebody had added two tennis balls on her chest.
She walked away from the mirror turning in shock, as she tried to look down on her chest. The balls looked even bigger from her angle. She felt terror beginning rising from her chest.
No No no. This can't be. This can't be my chest with that thing on. It looks massive. It doesn't look flat at all. Oh my god.
She sat down on the bed, as she started to feel panic rising in her chest, as panic started to take over. As she felt increasing discomfort. Getting up she looked at the mirror again, only to realise and see the same thing. That was her chest, with a bra on. That was what boobs looked like.
Sitting back down on the bed as choked sobs broke out, she proceeded to cry. Cry over the state of her chest, cry over how it made her feel female, cry over the psychological discomfort at being forced and made to wear one. She no longer could look at her chest after that in the same way.
For years, Eivor continued the same way as she started puberty and her breasts went bigger, she couldn't hide them anymore. She tried layering with a tank top, only to be chasisted by Rosta when Rosta found out. She tried everything to make it look as small as possible, but it didn't work.
Until one day for her fifteenth birthday, her grandparents who she hardly saw from Norway, decided to mail her money. Lots of money in cash.
Feeling fed up having been forced to wear clothing for her gender and sick of the various crop tops and hot pants, leggings and jeans and even flowery dresses that Rosta kept buying for her, Eivor decided to do things on her own means.
Going out to the local shop on her own, Eivor nervously walked towards the boys section. It had been years ever since she set foot in the male section while shopping, so she felt a little uncomfortable and nervous at first.
Several boys and men looked at her funny as she proceeded to look at the T shirts, but she ignored them and continued browsing. She settled on a pair of baggy jeans that she liked, along with a few t shirts, a jacket and a shirt and proceeded to pay the storekeeper.
Having some extra money leftover, she decided to head for the salon. Her hair was getting long, and she braided it up to make herself look less feminine. Rosta wasn't too happy, as she prefered Eivor with her hair down, but Eivor just about managed to get away by saying some girls in her school braided it too, and for PE and Science Classes. Rosta couldn't argue with that.
"Hello How can I help you?" The hairdresser asked her
"My hair is getting long, and I would like to get it cut. In a tomboyish hairstyle please, but not too short else my mum will notice"
"Alright. Sit down" The Hairdresser gestured for her to sit.
Eivor sat down while the salon manager cut her hair. She watched as the blonde locks that she spent years growing, were all cut short in a matter of seconds and minutes.
"All done." The Salon manager said informing Eivor
Eivor looked back at her reflection feeling a lot better. Wow. Just Wow. I feel so much better now that I have shorter hair and look a bit more male.
"Wow. Thank you. I like it very much" Eivor smiled while looking at her reflection as she toyed with her new short locks and hairstyle.
Eivor proceeded pay the Salon manager before leaving.
When she got back, Rosta was still out along with Strybjorn who was at work and Sigurd who was at college, she had the whole house to herself.
Plaiting her hair back up in a shorter braid, so Rosta wouldn't notice the sudden change in hairstyle, Eivor proceeded to change into her new pyjamas which was a football shorts set from the boys section.
I love football. It's much better than those Minnie Mouse pink ones that Rosta makes me wear. At least this is blue in colour and is something I like for once. It feels so good and comfortable to be able to express myself again and not to be forced into something else. All the discomfort vanished instantly, now that she was herself again.
However, it didn't last long. Sigurd came barging home shortly afterwards, excitedly calling out. "I'm home!"
Eivor ran down the stairs, excited to greet her brother with her new hair and outfit. Sigurd's always been more understanding ever since we were kids, perhaps I can show him?
Not realisaing he had changed opinion since, Eivor went to greet him.
"Hey Sigurd! How was College today?"
Sigurd laughed not noticing her change of attire at first. "Oh it was fun. The teacher wasn't in today so we had a party, We put the speaker on and it was madness. Literally"
Eivor smiled back to him. "That sounds like such a blast Sigurd. I wish I was there" she nudged him playfully on the arm
"Yeah" before he turned and frowned at her. "Eivor. What the hell happened to you? Why are you wearing boys clothes?"
Eivor frowned back at him, not understanding his change of tone.
"Why not? Gran decided to give me some money for my birthday and I got sick and tired of dressing like a Slut. Why not? I used to wear boys clothes when I was a kid, remember?"
"Why not? Because your a woman Eivor! That's why. You should be dressing like a Woman, not a man. I would rather you look like a slut and look female, instead of male. No man is going to date you when you look like one of the boys. They'll just see you as a mate. Nothing more nothing less"
Eivor gasped taken aback. "Why does everyone say that? I don't even want a boyfriend. I don't care if I don't have one. I just want to be myself. Is that too much to ask for?"
Sigurd tutted rolling his eyes. "Because it's true, Eivor. I'm a man and I like my women girly, not some masculine tomboy who roars and shouts loudly while playing video games. Otherwise I might as well be gay and date my mate then. What's the difference"
"The difference is I am your sister. I can't believe you Sigurd. I thought you were different, but your just like Mother and Father. You've all changed" Eivor couldn't help but cry out loud.
"Well. Things Change Eivor. I'm not having my sister who's a tomboy. So go and get changed, or I'm not talking to you anymore!" He hissed
"Fine. Sigurd. I'll be a Slut then, if that's what you want!" Eivor snapped back as she stormed back up the stairs.
For the rest of the night, nothing happened, until Eivor decided to go downstairs, to pick up her phone that was charging, seeing that the hallway was empty, or so she thought she darted downstairs to the stairs and was about to pick it up and go, when Strbyjorn's voice stopped her.
"Eivor a word" he said sternly
Eivor turned around, trying not to roll her eyes. She was tired and already had a hard day and time, due to Sigurd's outburst she didn't need another one from her Father.
"What? What is it you want Father?"
Strybjorn crossed his arms in dissapproval as he frowned at his daughter. "Your Clothes. I want you to know that if you want to buy and wear clothes that are of the opposite gender, you won't be having me and Rosta's support anymore. Your going to have to finance it yourself. I don't care. But if you want to switch back and wear women's clothing or girls clothing, me and Rosta will be more than happy to support you. It's your choice"
"What? I'm only fifteen I can't even get a job yet, not until next year. You can't do that!"
"Oh yes I can" Strybjorn retorted "I am your Father. I pay for your food, your clothes, the roof over your head. I get a say and you don't. I don't care. Use Gran's money or whatever, but I am not supporting you if you choose to wear boys clothes"
"Why? Why though? What is so wrong with me wearing a pair of joggers instead?" Eivor couldn't believe what she was hearing.
"Because you are a girl Eivor. And girls aren't supposed to wear anything else except for leggings and Jeans, not Joggers"
"That's ridciulous, so I have to suffer getting my legs and crotch squeezed 24/7 and live in discomfort all because I'm a female?!" Eivor couldn't help but scream out in disbelief
"Yes Eivor. That is the way it is. Unfortunately so deal with it" Strybjorn snapped back to his daughter. "And you don't even have a crotch, your female so nothing will get squeezed unlike us men"
I wish I did. I wish I was male so I wouldn't have to face all this grief, if only I was born male like Sigurd was, then I wouldn't have to suffer so much all my life. Eivor thought miserably as tears fell down her cheeks, as she silently went upstairs to cry once more.
Just when she was trying to get to sleep, Sigurd was on the phone to one of his friends next door. He was talking about Eivor and what had happened earlier on in the day.
"I can't believe it. My sister, a tomboy. I don't know what happened to her. And I don't like it" he was heard talking
Eivor could hear his mate on the other side of the phone, since Sigurd had left it on speaker. "Just let her be, Sigurd" he said "She's not harming anyone right? If that's what makes her happy, just let her do so"
"I... I don't know" Sigurd Stuttered "I guess I just need some time to accept maybe, that my sister isn't the same anymore" he sighed.
Eivor turned over on her side, placing a pillow on her ear, trying to muffle the conversation that was next door. It warmed her heart to know, that at least somewhere out there, there was someone like those boys she was friends with as a child, who supported her still. Which was what she needed right now, when the whole world and her family were against her.
Years later, Eivor was sitting on the table, wearing nothing more than a tracksuit, trying to do her college homework. Since that day, Eivor hadn't stopped wearing boys clothes except for her uniform (as it had already been bought and due to it being a traditional girls school she couldn't buy trousers with that money). Having found part time work at a store, she funded her clothes and games through the money earned since Strybjorn kept to his promise of not funding his daughter's crossdressing and male activities.
The relationship with her parents and Sigurd and deteroitated as a result. Sigurd had even moved out as a result of it, result of Eivor being herself and refusing to not crossdress, and Strybjorn and Rosta had stopped talking to her as a result. Eivor didn't mind as she rather them not talk to her then bother her with their Transphobic and Sexist beliefs.
One day Strybjorn had had enough. He stormed over to the table, slamming his fist down on it, making Eivor jump as the various pieces of homework she was doing flew to the floor.
"When is this going to stop Eivor. I've had enough of you dressing like this. What's going to happen next are you going to turn Lesbian? First clothes, and now Boys Shoes this is too extreme. Are you going to cut your hair short next?"
Eivor stood up, fed up. She wasn't going to let Strybjorn shout at her and abuse her like this anymore. No she was going to stand up for herself once and for all.
"Never." She roared back "I paid for it for my own money, not yours. I like it. You can't stop me or control me anymore, I am an adult. No I'm not. Gender and Sexuality are two different things, not that you know that, with your own bigoted and sexist beliefs."
Strbjorn laughed bitterly. "I'm a bigot and a Sexist? All because I wanted a daughter? And not another Son? If I wanted a Son I would of adopted one. Yes you are an adult, and that also means you are of age and that I don't need to look after you anymore. Your eighteen now Eivor, and legally I've done my duty. You can leave now. I'm fed up with you and your attitude"
"That's it? Your kicking me out all because I'm not girly and womanly enough for you? Your own daughter. Cor I can't believe all of you"
"Your not my daughter Eivor. You no longer are. I lost you long ago. Now Get out"
"Fine. I's not like I need you anyway as you say. I got my own job now, I can find my own place. Goodbye Father" she spat.
Eivor stormed up as she felt tears falling over her eyes once more, as she proceeded to pack a small gym bag full of clothes and other essentials.
Rosta shook her head in dissapointment and dissapproval as she saw her daughter pack up her things. "Eivor. I am so disappointed in you. All I wanted was a daughter. A baby girl. When you were born, and when I saw that you were a girl, I expected one. That's what every parent expects when they see a girl. You got to understand that it's hard when your child, suddenly changes. It's not a overnight process. It takes time"
Eivor ignored her, continuing to pack up the clothes and other essentials. Here she is trying to manipulate and gaslight me like she has done half my life. I am not listening to her and her manipulative lies anymore, I am getting out of here and I'm done.
Zipping up the bag, Eivor uttered "Goodbye Mother" before she walked away and out of the door, into the afternoon sun.
She knew where she was going to go and headed for it. Oswald's.
Pushing back the very last thought, that had led her here, Eivor headed for the living room hallway just as Oswald threw his hands up in the air having been shot dead in the game.
"Awwww. I was so Close. Damn Russians!" he cursed
"Oswald" Eivor started as he turned around to face her
"Yes. Eivor"
"Could you turn the Xbox off please, I need to talk to you it's important"
"Oh. Umm sure. Just a Second" He proceeded to turn the Xbox off, as the TV switched off, the screen switching from the animated kill-cam to black.
Sitting on the sofa nervously, Eivor cleared her throat.
Oswald seeing her nervousness, quickly reassured her, placing his hand on hers, he squeezed it.
"It's alright Eivor. You can tell me. I won't judge"
I hope so. I really hope so after all that Crap I went through. If he's also like them... No No. You are doing this.
Taking a shaky breath, she answered him. "I've been doing some research on myself, and I think that I'm Trans. Everything I've been through it makes sense. The reason why I never felt comfortable with my body, why I always liked things of the other gender, Why I always felt different and like I didn't belong it's because I'm Trans"
Eivor watched cautiously as she registered his expression. He seemed to be drinking it all in, taking it all in.
At least he doesn't seem mad, well not yet. Sigurd was the... No don't think about that.
"Trans? As in Transgender?" "I thought people had to do Surgery, unless your not really female, well not before you transitoned. Not that that's a problem" he quickly blurted out
Eivor laughed at his flustered and shocked expression. "Yes. Trans masculine in particular, since I feel more like I identify with being male. And not all people who are Trans do surgery, I thought that at first too. It's a gender identity. Anyone who doesn't feel like the gender they were assigned at birth can be trans. It also doesn't mean that I'm gay as well, as many people misunderstand and think that they're the same thing"
Eivor tried not to feel bitter at that last thought, at her last conversation where Strybjorn rudely accused her of being a lesbian. Which wasn't true because she fancied boys in college, then got with Oswald, having met him in college.
"Ah I see" Oswald spoke breaking Eivor from her thoughts. "I know darling I know. Else you wouldn't be dating me" he grinned
"So your fine with it?" Eivor couldn't believe how calmly he was taking this on the surface. "You don't need to pretend you know, if your not you can just say it"
His face dropped as he looked a little hurt. "Eivor, Why wouldn't I be? This doesn't change anything. I love you, you know that"
Eivor chuckled nervously, brushing the loose hair that had fallen out from her braid. "I don't know. Just I remember Sigurd saying to me ages ago along with my Mother, that with the way I dress no one was ever going to love me because I looked too masculine, acted too masculine. Acted too much as one of the boys"
"Well he's wrong. Because I think your wonderful. Don't listen to them. I love our little Call of Duty Dates playing multiplayer on the console. I wouldn't change that for the world"
Eivor smiled thinking back to how they met and how she told Oswald she was a tomboy. She had come into college that morning dressed in a track jacket and tracksuit as he had smiled at her. She had introduced herself saying she was a tomboy. He had grinned widely after that calling her cool, and they had hit it off after he invited her back to his house to play COD.
"Thank you Oswald. It really means a lot. Are you sure you don't mind my Chest being a little different and smaller, due to the fact that I wear binders?"
Oswald blushed thinking back to the hot summer days when Eivor had walked around the house wearing nothing but the binder along with some shorts.
"Um no. Actaully I was thinking of telling you as well. I found a post on Tumblr yesterday..." he started
"Go on" Eivor encouraged
"It was about Demisexuality. I read it and I realised how much I could relate to it. Demisexuality is when you are attracted to people only once you've established a close friendship or connection with them, so not like a sexual attraction" he flushed at that bit before he continued "I just felt like I am, I've not attracted to someone sexually based on looks, I only develop feelings once I'm close to them"
"So basically you only like someone once your friends with them and on their personality, but not on their looks?" Eivor asked
"Yes. That's pretty much it. After reading that. I think I'm Demisexual. It's different to Asexuality, as I am still interested, but only once I've become close to the person"
"I see. That sounds like me as well" Eivor said grinning
"Really? You think the same as well?" He asked astonished
Eivor chuckled. "Yes, Oswald. For years I even thought that I might of been Asexual, as when my mother encouraged me to attract boys, I felt disgusted and repulsed by it because I didn't feel the need to act promscious to attract someone. It wasn't just my Trans side that liked covering up my chest and arse, it was because I don't feel lust towards others. I felt like I needed a friendship first, before it could develop into that"
"Then I guess we are both Demisexuals then. That's the reason why I liked you, your personality also I felt a bond and a strong friendship between us"
"Yeah. I guess I learnt something new then Oswald. We both do, maybe we are more alike than we think"
"Maybe we are. Now that we both come out to each other, Do you want to go to Pride together, so we can tell the world who we really are?"
"I think that's a good idea. I like your thinking. Oswald"
"Very well then. Let's sign up!" He grinned as he logged onto the laptop and proceeded to sign up on Pride's Website.
Months Later, Pride Parade.
It was a busy Saturday morning when Oswald and Eivor walked to the gates of Pride, ready to board the parade bus that would take them across the streets of London, in front of millions of people who had lined all across London's streets to watch them.
Eivor nervously stood with a Trans flag wrapped on her shoulders, all dressed in pride accessories along with a matching T shirt and shorts set that Oswald had also worn as well.
Oswald had a Demisexual flag wrapped around his shoulders, along with tons of ally accessories, showing that he was a supporter of the movement as well.
Clasping her hand, he reassured her. "It will be alright darling"
Eivor gave him back a weak smile as they boared the parade bus together.
Soon they were standing at the top, waiting for it to start. The crowd all dressed in rainbow and other LGBTQ colours, looked back at them as Oswald and Eivor stood on top of the bus, in full view waiting for it to start along with other Parade goers who were next to them.
The bus started moving, as the speaker started and the crowd started cheering and whooping in love all around them. Music started to be played through the speakers as Eivor started to whoop and dance loudly cheering.
Oswald watched as she got lost in the moment, dancing along with everyone else. Seeing that he wasn't moving, Eivor encouraged him.
"Come on Oswald, Dance!"
Hearing her encouragements, he did so getting lost in the music and the joy of the occassion as everyone else cheered and screamed, showing love to both of them.
Eivor continued dancing as she stared at him, flushed and hyper, lost in the moment- she proceeded to reach over to him, grabbing him closer as she placed a snog on him.
Freezing in the middle of his moves, he returned the kiss, hugging her back.
Just then the crowd who saw their PDA started to cheer louder, as Whistles were heard being blown. Eivor and Oswald pulled back flustered by the attention of the Pride goers below them before they turned to each other smiling.
Maybe Coming out Wasn't so bad after all...
Author's Note: At last, Eivor has finally found happiness in peace at last. In her boyfriend and the people in pride supporting her at long last, after years of abuse and grief from her bigoted family. She really deserved better. Sadly this unfortunately is a reality for a lot of Trans people who are too afraid to come out of the closet due to this reason. I was one of them. At least she found happiness and love and support in a very understanding partner!
I wasn't going to pair Rosta and Strybjorn up in this, it was only halfway through writing did I realise I accidentally put him instead of Varin. I kept it because as odd as this little mistake was, it actually works well. It would of been nice if Sigurd was actually her biological sibling, perhaps in another universe?
Anyway hope you enjoyed! See you next time!