"I'm not afraid of storms, for I'm learning how to sail my ship."

–Louisa May Alcott

I do not own 'Adventure Time.'

Chapter 42

Don't Go to Ice King Island

Dear Diary, Ice King wrote down in his journal. I have officially lost track of the days. I'm not sure how long we've been out here anymore. The sun keeps setting and rising, but I stopped counting how many times it has, as that got incredibly boring really quick.

Sitting on the deck and leaning back against the railing, Ice King looked out across the ocean from the port bow of the ship.

In hindsight, Huntress Wizard could've built a game room or movie theater or something on this boat, the former antiquarian continued to write. There's really not a lot to do. I did get to name the ship though. I have dubbed this vessel the S.S. Ladykiller, named after yours truly. I keep myself occupied with ice stuff and magic stuff and ice magic stuff, and as the days go by, I've been putting the finishing touches on my latest chapter of Fionna the Lost Human of Aaa. Crazy thing, by the way, I think I've been spelling her name wrong this whole time. Two 'n's instead of one. I know, weird, right? Wait a minute, Finn's name has two 'n's instead of one. Huh. Okay, then that might've been my own fault.

Ice King's stomach growled beneath the beard stuffed into his suit. He grimaced and stuck out his tongue in disgust.

I tell ya, Diary, Finn did not pack enough food for this trip, IK wrote down. I am SO sick of eating fish. I don't know how those penguins do it. We haven't passed a single island or another ship since we set sail. No coconut trees, no ships to plunder, no mermaids to woo, just fish. And fish. And fish. And, just, so much stinking fish. I don't even like fish. I don't like the smell, I don't like the taste, and going fishing is super boring, even when you have ice magic. Not to mention dangerous. There are sharks in there, diary. Freakin' sharks! We caught a squid the other day and Jake cooked us up some calamari steaks, but I wouldn't eat it again if given the choice. I thought eating seafood was supposed to make you feel fancy and accomplished, like you have plenty of money to burn because that's how good you've got it. But instead, it just seems to make your stomach mad at you.

Ice King sighed regretfully. Another thing Huntress could've built on this ship was a toilet, he wrote. When the fish start to swim, if you catch my tuna, you have to do your business into the ocean over the rail while the others give you some privacy. And, uh, I'm not particularly proud of this, but earlier today, while I was showing Jake's cooking my full appreciation, BMO was sticking his head out the porthole, and well,

Ice King looked across the deck and watched as Finn messed around with BMO's memory data. The small, box-shaped robot sobbed and cried loudly, digital tears of utter despair ran down his screen face.

"Don't worry, BMO, I'm almost done deleting your memory of today," Finn said. "After I'm done…we may have to give you another scrubbing."

Well, like I said, I'm not particularly proud of it, Ice King wrote. We have been on this not-all-that-spacious ship out in the middle of the ocean with nothing but seawater surrounding us for what feels like years eating only what we can catch and cook in Neptr. Don't get me wrong, I'm totally digging the bonding experience between me and my two best bros. But BMO is our only gaming system and we didn't bring any controllers and all of his downloaded movies and music are terrible. There's no signal out here, no TV, no radio, and worst of all, no bathroom. To sum it all up, diary dearest,

"This flippin' sucks!" Ice King shouted. "This is why people use air travel! Sailing blows! I can't believe I was ever into this! I'm a fly guy, dammit!"

"Calm down, Simon," Finn said as he finished deleting BMO's memory. "It's not so bad out here."

"Actually, I gotta side with IK on this one," Jake said from behind the wheel. "We did not pack enough. I'm normally not a picky eater, but even I'm getting sick of seafood."

"Tell it to the diary, bro." Ice King stood up and used his frost magic to smooth out and dust off his suit. "Seafood aside, it's been a chore just to keep my suit looking good." He straightened the crown sitting atop his head. "Gotta look my best for when I meet your momma, Finn." The mad wizard let out a laugh. "If it goes really well, you might even be able to call your step-papa someday. Wouldn't that be cool?"

"I knew I should've given you the boot before I left Ooo," Finn muttered. He patted the top of BMO's head. "Okay, all done."

BMO blinked, suddenly no longer crying or looking horrified. "...What happened?" he asked. "And why does looking at the Ice King fill me with such dread and disgust? Oh, I remember now. It is because he is the Ice King and he is awful and no one likes him."

"Poopdeck say what?"

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Come on, Finn, don't you have an extra granola bar stashed away in your pocket?" Jake begged. "I'll eat anything that doesn't come out of the ocean."

"Hey, I didn't pack enough food for four people. Just for one normal-sized person and a Hulk lady," Finn said. "Eat another one of Neptr's pies if you're hungry."

"Neptr's pies are all fish pies!" Jake cried. "We never should've cooked the fish we caught in him!"

"The inside of me smells like fish now," Neptr commented from over by the mast. "Which is to be expected."

"Hey, if you guys don't like it, Ice King can just fly you all back to Ooo," Finn said.

"Here we go again," Jake said tiredly. "Finn, we've already been over this."

"We sure have," Ice King said. "I am not missing out on the chance to meet your hot mom."

"I swear to Glob, Ice King," Finn threatened. "I swear to Glob."

"We are not ditching you, and you are not getting rid of us," Jake stated. "So stop trying to."

"This was supposed to be a solo mission," Finn said. "I didn't ask you guys to come along with me."

"Come along with me," Ice King sang to himself. "And the butterflies and bees…and now the song is stuck in everyone's head."

"What, you don't trust us enough to introduce us to your peeps?" Jake crossed his arms. "Or are you too embarrassed to introduce us to your island?"

"Okay, you know what? I don't have to take this." Finn marched up to the trapdoor in the deck and opened it up.

"Finn, wait–"

Finn slammed the trapdoor shut as he went below decks.

Jake sighed. "Aw, man." He stepped away from the ship's wheel. Nobody actually had to steer the ship. Finn had already given the magical vessel its coordinates and it was set on autopilot until instructed otherwise.

Neptr rolled up to Jake's side. "Do not fear, Jake. We have been out at sea for quite some time now. Such negativity among the crew is to be expected."

"Yeah? Since when are you a shrink?" Jake asked bitterly.

"I have to do something to make sure people remember I exist," said Neptr. "Making and throwing pies does not hold up as much as you might think."

Down in the ship's hull, Finn made his way to the back where everyone slept. The hull consisted of a little kitchenette, a small table for eating or playing card games with the deck Finn had brought with him, and the sleeping area in the back. Finn had brought his own sleeping bag, which was currently lying on the floor. Jake would normally just fall asleep on the hardwood floor with BMO and Neptr cuddled up next to him and Ice King would go to sleep in a recliner made out of snow, kept cold by his magic. Of course, whenever IK got out of the recliner, it would melt and get water all over the floor. The rest of the crew was still arguing with him about that.

Susan would simply lie on her side next to Finn and instantly fall asleep like a bear in hibernation. She wasn't asleep right now though. She was instead sitting on the floor next to Finn's sleeping bag, reading from one of the several pop-up books Finn had packed for her. Since Susan was huge, capable of destroying a building with her fists, and as easy to scare and excite as a toddler, Finn figured it would be better to keep the Seeker calm and distracted at all times.

"Hey, Ka…Susan," Finn greeted. "How's it going?"

Susan smiled and held the book up to Finn, showing the pop-up duck on the page. "Ducky!"

Finn chuckled. "Yeah, it's a ducky." Finn went over to the table and sat down and Susan went back to her books. Finn rested his arms up on the table and looked out the starboard side porthole. The ocean had been calm for the most part during the voyage, much to the crew's relief. But Finn knew there was a storm coming. And if it didn't hit while they were at sea, it was going to hit when they got to Founder's Island in the form of a panicked and freaked-out mother.

Finn turned over his mechanical, prosthetic arm and stared at his metal hand. He had spent many nights wondering how he was going to explain what happened to his arm to his mom. And it wasn't just the arm. Finn was losing sleep from trying to figure out how best to explain everything that had gone down in Ooo to his mother. The life he had made for himself and the friends he had made along the way. Even his updated dating history was probably going to cause his mom's programming to glitch out–or however the AI thing worked with her.

Finn drew Nothung from the sheath on his back and laid it down on the table. He stared at the golden blade with no amount of remorse or regret, but still with a sullen disposition. His grip on the sword's handle tightened from the anxiety he was feeling.

A hand with skin the same pale green color as a lima bean was placed over Finn's hand on Nothung's handle. The other hand was a metal pincer claw on her mechanical arm, almost mirroring Finn's same prosthetic.

Finn looked up at Shoko, who was suddenly sitting across from him at the table. Her yellow eyes focused on their current incarnation.

"I don't think there's any easy way to do this," Shoko said. "But we both know we have to do this."

Finn sighed. "...When I first came to Ooo…I was terrified. All I wanted was to be back home with my mom. Even as so much else changed, wanting so badly to see my mom again…that never changed."

"And now, we're on our way to see her again," Shoko said. "Shouldn't you be at least a little bit happy about that?"

"I'm stoked about seeing my mom again," Finn said. "What I'm not stoked about is having to explain this," Finn pointed at Nothung. "Or this," Finn pulled back his jacket sleeve to reveal his metal arm. "Or that," He pointed a thumb over his shoulder at the highly-trained Seeker who was currently engrossed in a children's book, "Or worst of all, the bipolar nutjob wizard who wants to ask her out."

"Yeah, that's going to be a very awkward conversation," Shoko said. "Look, I don't really have a lot of experience in having a mom who loves me, as messed up as it is to say that statement out loud. But your mom loves you more than anything, you know that. Is she going to freak out? Maybe just a little bit."

"A little bit?" Finn asked. "Mom is going to blow a fuse so big, every single light on Founder's Island will go out!"

"Maybe," said Shoko. "Or maybe, just maybe…she'll accept your life choices and love you for who you are."

"I'm not coming out of the closet to my mother, I'm explaining to my overprotective mom that I've been living in a country of kingdoms run by civilized mutants and wizards and talking animals who all turn to me when there's danger as if I were some kind of superhero," Finn said. "And then I have to explain that my first girlfriend was a half-demon vampire with a whole bunch of freaky powers and that my second girlfriend was literally made out of flames and possessed the same traits as a firestorm. And also Kara becoming Susan, and also Dr. Gross, and also my arm, and I just really wish Ice King hadn't come along, and–"

"Alright, alright, you can stop now," said Shoko.

"I was almost done anyway," Finn said.

"Finn, I get it, this is going to be difficult," Shoko said. "But like it or not, this is something you have to do. If I know that, then you do too."

Finn groaned miserably as he let his forehead fall down onto the table. "Why does everything in my lumping life have to be balanced on the knife's edge? Life on the island might've been boring, but at least it was calm and simple."

"Yeah, your life is a flippin' typhoon," said Shoko. "But, seriously, come on. You have a really good life, even with all of the crazy stuff. You have a better life than I ever got to have. So suck it up, and accept the fact that you need to face down your mom who, unlike mine, loves you more than anything, and didn't sell your arm in exchange for a computer."

Finn raised his head and looked up at Shoko. "...Got a little intense there."

"You know I'm right, Finn," Shoko said. "You know I'm right."

The hatch door to the hull opened up and Finn looked up to see Jake stick his head through. "Hey, Finn. You got a minute?"

Finn looked back at where Shoko had been, but she was gone. "Uh, yeah, sure."

Jake stretched down and sat across from Finn at the table. "So, listen, man. Sorry about earlier."

"It's cool," Finn said. "I think this trip is really starting to get to us."

"Just say the word, and I'll chuck Ice King out into the ocean," Jake offered. "I dunno about you, but I'm getting pretty sick of IK's snoring and his falling asleep with his eyes open. Not to mention waking up in a puddle of melted snow every morning."

"We can't do that," Finn said. "Marceline would never forgive us if we didn't come back with Simon."

"Oh, yeah. Good point."

Finn picked Nothung back up and put the sword in its sheath. "Look, I know you're upset that I wanted to do this alone. But you gotta understand where I'm coming from. In more ways than one, actually. Founder's Island does not handle new and exciting things very well. I remember when half of the island went nuts when someone saw a sea monster floating around near the beach that turned out to just be an oddly shaped log of wood. How do you think they'll react to seeing a magical, talking, stretchy dog and a desperate, banana-brained, ice wizard dressed like a millionaire?"

"Don't tell him I said this, but he actually looks pretty sharp," said Jake. "And come on, Finn, the humans can't be that much of a bunch of weenies. You're pretty rad, Susan is a tank, and Dr. Gross was a maniacal madwoman."

"Dr. Gross was the island's chief Experimenter and Kara was programmed both mentally and genetically to be her best Seeker," Finn said. "The rest of the humans live in a bubble, protected from the outside world. It got even worse after the Pandemic wiped out the Island Leaders and most of the Helpers. I doubt they even know that the Guardian is gone. Once they figure it out, the whole Island will go bonkers!"

"Okay, then, maybe bringing us along is a good thing," Jake offered. "Show them what's really out there. And show them that it's not all bad."

"Ice King–"

"We'll cross that bridge when we get there," Jake said. "But, what exactly is your plan here? You're just stopping by to say hi?"

"I have to see my mom again, Jake," said Finn.

"And I totes get that and respect that," Jake replied. "But, hear me out on this one. Maybe it wouldn't be the worst idea to try to convince the humans to come to Ooo."

"Wait, what?" Finn asked. "Dude, that is absolutely the worst idea."

"Is it, though?" Jake asked. "You've done pretty good for yourself in Ooo. And you know PB and the other princesses would be totally down to help out the humans with setting up shop in Ooo."

"The humans are nowhere near ready for that," Finn stated.

"Then when will they be?" Jake asked.

Finn remembered having a similar conversation to this one with Dr. Gross before she died, and it was making him uncomfortable. "Jake, I–"

The hatch was suddenly thrown open and Ice King stuck his grinning head through the trapdoor.

"Land ho, my bros!" IK exclaimed.

"Woah, for real?" Jake asked.

"There's no way we're already to Founder's Island," Finn said as he and Jake walked up to the ladder and climbed up out of the hull. Standing on the deck, Finn and Jake looked over the railing and saw that Ice King was telling the truth. Their ship was passing by a small island covered in green trees with sandy beaches.

"Oh, finally, some land!" Jake cheered.

"Is that Founder's Island, Finn?" BMO asked.

"Of course not," Finn said. "It's just some uncharted island. Founder's Island is way bigger than that."

"Aw, sweet! We get to name it then!" Ice King exclaimed. "I declare the island to be named…Ice King Island! Called it, it's final!"

"Finn, we gotta stop at that island," Jake said. "A quick pit stop to get off the sea for a little while."

"I'm not sure we should," Finn said. "We don't know what's on that island, and, I was kinda hoping we would just go straight to Founder's Island."

"Finn, please, I'm beggin' ya," Ice King pleaded. "Let's stop at that island. It's a deserted island, there's gotta be a coconut tree or something we can eat from. I can't eat another fish. Squid neither."

"Alright, fine. Maybe it's not such a bad idea to stop for food supplies at least." Finn walked over and took the wheel. "But I refuse to call it Ice King Island."

"That's cool," said IK. "It'll still be Ice King Island to me."

Finn steered the ship towards the island. Susan poked her head out of the trapdoor as the ship changed direction, curious to the cause of the motion. Barely able to fit through the hatch, Susan crawled up onto the deck as Finn got as close to the island as he could before dropping anchor.

Jake hopped over the railing and stretched and expanded into a raft large enough for everyone to fit on. Finn picked up BMO and Neptr and carefully crawled down to the Jake raft with the two robots tucked under his arms. Susan tucked Ice King under her muscular arm and followed Finn down to the Jake raft.

"Hey, easy, don't wrinkle the suit!" Ice King complained. "Good Glob, you have got to share your workout routine with me. Your biceps feel like the stuff they put in bulletproof vests."

Once the three humans and two robots were in the Jake raft, Jake paddled his way to the island. He crawled onto the sandy beach and let everyone get off before shrinking back to his regular self.

"Oh, no, sand!" Ice King cried, lifting one of his shoes out of the sand. "I can't get sand in this outfit, sand is impossible to get out of anything!"

Neptr attempted to move across the beach, but was making slow progress on his wheels. "I do not believe that I am properly designed for off-road mobility."

"Yay, sand!" Neptr watched jealously as BMO started building a sand castle on the beach. "Fort BMO is now under construction!"

"Not without paying a toll to the Ice King it's not!" IK declared, waving his fist in the air.

"Why don't I have arms?" Neptr asked sadly. "Why am I just a microwave with wheels and a weird, fork-arm-thing?"

"I got ya, little buddy." Finn picked up Neptr and headed into the forest area. "Let's see if we can't find some fruit for you to pie up."

"Hooray!" Neptr cheered. "I will smell like fruit again instead of my insides reeking of fish!"

"I'll go with you guys," Jake said. "My nose can sniff out food within a fifty-mile radius!"

"You sure it's a good idea to leave them unsupervised?" Finn asked, nodding towards BMO, Ice King, and Susan.

"Ah, let 'em have some fun on the beach, we've been out at sea for what feels like forever," Jake suggested. "They'll be fine."

"Okay, if you say so." Finn, Jake, and Neptr made their way into the forest as BMO finished making his sand castle. Ice King used his snow magic to spruce it up with some flags and a moat of ice, along with a small flurry above the castle that dropped snowfall down onto Fort BMO. Susan clapped her hands at the sand and snow castle.

Carrying Neptr in his arms, Finn followed Jake through the trees as the bulldog sniffed the air and followed the scent of fruit.

"Uh, so, hey, now that we've got a minute," Finn said as he followed Jake. "Once we get to Founder's Island, do you think you could, you know, keep your stretching to a minimum?"

Jake blinked and looked behind him at Finn. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It's just that, I doubt I'll be able to stop Ice King from freezing somebody once we get there," said Finn. "I want to freak out the island as little as possible."

"Oh, so you are embarrassed by us." Jake went back to sniffing out fruit. "Good to know."

"What? I'm not embarrassed by you," Finn said. "You don't know what Founder's Island is like, we have to be careful and do this with a gentle touch."

"So just pretend we're all normal and boring, okay, fine," Jake said. "Whatever you say, man."

"Hey, stop putting words in my mouth," Finn demanded. "I've already told you, I'm not embarrassed by you. Ice King, absolutely, I don't want that guy hitting on my mom."

"Yeah, I get that," said Jake. "But just admit it, you think I'm gonna scare your folks, and you'd rather keep me on the boat."

"Of course you're gonna scare my folks," Finn said. "But that doesn't mean I don't want to introduce you to my mom and the rest of the island. I'm just really nervous about it because I know exactly how they'll all react."

"Okay, so what happens when your mom decides she wants to meet Flame Princess the living inferno or Marceline the Vampire Queen?" Jake said.

"I'll…do everything I can to keep it from happening," Finn admitted.

"Because you're embarrassed of Ooo."

"No, it is not because I'm embarrassed of Ooo!" Finn snapped. "It's because if Dr. Gross was proof of anything, it's that Founder's Island is not ready for the Ooo experience! Maybe it worked out okay for me, but the rest of the humans would try to swim back to Founder's Island once they saw one of the freakin' Candy People. So stop acting like I'm the one with the problem when all I'm trying to do is keep the extremes away from each other."

"Hey, you know what?!" Jake angrily spun around at Finn. "I–"

"Fruit!" Neptr excitedly pointed his fork arm upwards. "Fruit!"

Finn and Jake looked up to see that they had stumbled upon a banana tree. Bunches of ripe bananas hung above their heads.

"Oh, finally, some fresh fruit!" Forgetting his quarrel with Finn for the moment, Jake stretched up and picked an entire bunch of bananas. They weren't the yellow kind either, they were the authentic, reddish-purplish-colored bananas.

One of the bananas fell from the tree and Finn caught it before it could hit the ground. "Here, Netpr, try this for your pies." He set Neptr down and opened his microwave door. And then he…how do I put this correctly…he put his banana inside of the robot. Yeah, that's it.

Neptr closed his door and activated his pie-making mechanics. A moment later, his door reopened and revealed a banana cream pie.

"Smelling like bananas is way better than smelling like fish!" Neptr exclaimed.

"You still smell a little bit like fish," Finn said.

"Dangit."

"Banana cream!" Jake lowered back down and took the pie out of Neptr, eating half of it.

"Jake!" Finn took the pie from the dog. "Save some for the others."

"Sorry, sorry," Jake said. "It's just…sniff…so nice to eat something other than fish."

"Are you crying?"

"Yes I'm crying!"

Finn ate some of the pie with his hand. "...Wow, that is so much better than fish." He forced himself to stop eating. "But I should save some for IK and Susan."

"I can make as many of those as you like, Creator," Neptr said. "My pie-making is never-ending."

"Oh, then I'll eat it all," Finn said before pigging out on pie. "Soooooo much better than fish."

Finn carried Neptr and Jake carried the bananas back to the beach they had left the rest of the crew on. The two boys didn't really say much to each other during the walk back. There didn't really seem any point. It was probably better to just let things cool down on their own anyhow.

"...Alright, look," Jake ended up saying anyway. "I just…I know you, like, belong to two cliques now. Ooo, and Founder's Island. But you keep acting like you have to keep them both separated or else something bad's gonna go down."

"Something bad is gonna go down if I don't keep them separated," Finn said. "Nobody likes going out of their comfort zone. Everyone prefers sticking to what they know and what they know works. That's basically a law on Founder's Island. They don't take risks, they just live comfortably and safely. And they like it that way."

"Did you like it that way?" Jake asked.

"It worked," Finn replied as they arrived at the beach.

"But, Finn–"

Finn held up his arm to stop Jake from going any further.

They were alone on the beach. Ice King, BMO, and Susan were gone.

"What the?" Jake looked around for the rest of their crew. "Did they go back to the ship?"

Finn looked out across the surf. The ship was right where they left it, and he didn't see Ice King or Susan walking about the deck. The sand and snow castle BMO and Ice King had made together was still there. Finn walked up and examined the little castle. It looked like IK and BMO were in the middle of adding renovations to the tiny structure before they left.

"I don't think they went back to the ship." Finn spotted a trio of footsteps leading down the beach. One set of footprints was big, one set of footprints was small, and the third looked like they belonged to a pair of oxfords.

"See the tracks?" Finn pointed. "I bet BMO convinced IK and Susan to explore the island a bit."

"Oh. Well, BMO should be fine with Ice King and Susan with him, right?" Jake asked.

"Ice King and Susan are the ones who normally need someone to watch them," Finn said. "Maybe we should go find them and make sure they're all okay."

"Alright then," said Jake. "Let me just…" The magical dog morphed into a catapult and launched his bananas at the ship. His aim proved to be true, as the bananas all landed on the deck of the ship. "Direct hit! We can get more bananas once we find the dopes."

"Neptr, you stay here." Finn put the robot down on the beach. "In case the three of them come back while we're gone."

But, Creator–"

Jake morphed back to his regular form and went with Finn down the beach in search of the missing three.

"Wait! I want to help!" Neptr attempted to pursue Finn and Jake, but only slowly on his tracks in the sand. "Stupid, toy tank wheels. Mechanically speaking, my wheels should be perfect for this type of terrain. What gives?"

Finn and Jake followed the tracks down the beach. Following the trio's trail was easy. Footprints in the sand, all going in the same direction. Simple enough.

And yet, something felt off to Finn. Something about the tracks. Normally, when you walk across a beach you've never been to before, you would go here and there, looking for seashells or lost trinkets or whatnot. Instead, all three tracks were traveling in a more or less straight line. Susan's especially was just a beeline down the beach. Even BMO's small footprints were following a relatively straight path. And given the robot's natural, childlike curiosity, this was particularly strange.

It was like they were following something.

"I bet this reminds you of hanging out with HW," Jake teased, attempting to lighten the tension caused by earlier. "The whole tracking thing."

"You wouldn't normally find her on a beach," Finn said. "She doesn't like the ocean, out of her element."

"You know, she's as dangerous as your lady friends tend to be, but she at least has a whole lot of life in her, what with the whole nature thing she's got going on," said Jake. "…Please don't tell Marceline or Flame Princess I said that."

"What's your point?" Finn asked.

Jake shrugged. "You think your mom might like her?"

Finn blushed. "Uh, first off, me and Huntress aren't even dating."

"Doesn't she own your soul now or some biz?" Jake asked. "Because that's pretty much being married, believe me."

Finn groaned. "I…think my mom might respect Huntress and what she's all about. But she wouldn't approve of HW any sooner than she would approve of Marcy or Phoebe."

"Didn't you once tell me that she already had a lady picked out for you?" Jake asked. "Sally or something?"

"Sarah, yeah. She and her family were the Librarians of Founder's Island," Finn said. "A nice girl, and a good friend."

"Gonna be awkward seeing her again, huh?"

Finn nodded. "Yeah…I–"

Then they heard the singing.

There weren't any lyrics. Or maybe there was, it was hard to remember. But it filled Finn's head with a dizzying bliss, as if honey were being poured right into his ears. He swayed on his feet, suddenly feeling a strong desire to follow the sound of that song.

And then, something like a mental record scratch screamed in his head, as if several songs were grinding against each other and creating sour notes.

Finn grunted and shook his head clear of the bewitching melody. The song now sounded against his mind as if he were wearing earmuffs. It was now more of a vibration–a feeling of song rather than an audible melody, and had no effect on Finn.

The same could not be said about Jake. His eyes sparkled and shone with an entranced smile on his face. Moaning like a zombie in love, he continued down the beach at a steady pace.

"Jake?" Finn asked.

Jake didn't even seem to hear Finn. He continued down the beach, following the sound of the hypnotizing melody.

"...I wonder if Huntress ever sings," Finn asked himself before following after Jake. Instead of trying to stop him, Finn figured it would be better to find the source of the singing. The way Jake followed the song might've suggested someone was leading him down the beach with a sausage tied to the end of a stick. They followed the crew's same trail through the sand. Until eventually…

They arrived at a wedding of fish people.

Finn blinked and looked around. All of the tables and decorations were made from material gathered from shipwrecks, with torn sails, broken pieces of wood, ship wheels, and other stuff. The wedding arch was made from mast beams tied together with hempen rope.

The fish people themselves looked like they were all having a good time, their sharp teeth grinning as they chatted and laughed among themselves. They all had green, scaly skin, webbed hands and feet with fins running along their back and their limbs and their heads, and yellow, reptilian bug-eyes. They were dressed for the occasion in seaweed and seashell dresses and suits, eating from a buffet table of assorted seafood and tropical fruits. That rhymed.

The source of the singing was the choir band. Whenever they sang, that same sensation that hit Finn earlier rang through his head. Jake really seemed to enjoy the song. He was about to shuffle toward the choir before Finn grabbed his shoulder and held him back.

"Jake, snap out of it!" Finn said. "Hey! What are you fish donks doing to my friend?!"

"Ah, more guests have arrived. Splendid!" One of the taller fish people stepped through the crowd and walked up to Finn and Jake. She appeared to be the most important of the sea creatures, dressed the most elegantly in her seaweed and seashell dress, with a crown of starfish and fishbones adorning her finned head. She smiled sweetly at the two boys, showing off her sharp, serrated teeth.

"Who are you?" Finn asked. "And what did you do to Jake?"

"I am Aqua. Queen of the Sirens," the fish woman said. "And we have invited your friend here to join us for the wedding." Queen Aqua placed a hand atop Jake's head. "Welcome, newcomers. Make yourselves at home. Enjoy our buffet table if you are hungry. If you are not particularly fond of fish, we have many different fruits. No bananas though, I'm afraid. We can't stand bananas."

"What did you do to my other friends?" Finn demanded. "A blue hairy guy in a suit, a really big and muscular lady, and a little robot. Did you eat them?"

"Eat them? Of course not," said Queen Aqua. "One of them is a robot, and one of them has a body too strong to chew through. Ask Rhena over there if I'm lying." The Siren Queen pointed over at another fish woman who was crying over her broken teeth.

"Well, where are they?" Finn asked.

"Yo, Finn! Over here!"

Finn looked over to see Ice King sitting at a table with BMO and Susan and a few fish people. Finn grabbed Jake by his arm and pulled him along to the table.

"Ice King, BMO, what happened?" Finn asked.

"It is a wedding!" BMO cheered. "I love going to weddings! They are always so beautiful!"

"What happened to Susan?" Finn asked.

Susan had that same look of dazed bliss that Jake had, the power of the choir's song having no less of an effect on the Seeker than it did on the bulldog. She sat in her seat and swayed side to side with sparkling eyes and an out-of-it smile.

"We heard singing and Susan left to follow the singing," BMO explained. "Ice King and I decided to go with her, and we found a wedding!"

"Wait, BMO, you I understand, 'cause you're a robot, but is the song even affecting you, Ice King?" Finn asked, noticing that IK didn't seem at all affected by the singing.

"Hey, if you think the band has good pipes, you should hear the Queen sing," Ice King said cheerfully.

"Yes, you look like you could use a good song," Queen Aqua said. "Let me sing to you and calm your mind with thoughts of joy and happiness."

Queen Aqua cleared her throat and sang to Finn with the magic of a Siren. Once again, dizzying bliss filled his head before the thoughts and emotions induced by the song collided with each other and snapped Finn right out of it.

Finn shook his head vigorously. "Stop that!"

Queen Aqua's eyes widened. "Interesting." The Siren Queen rubbed her jaw curiously. "The song of the Sirens fills the heads of sailors with visions of that which they most desire. All that they want, they experience." Aqua wagged her clawed finger at Finn. "But you…you do not know what you want. It is an inner conundrum so great, it makes you immune to the effects of the song."

Finn didn't have it in him to reply to that. "I'm leaving with my friends."

"Not until after the wedding," Queen Aqua insisted. "You may be the best man if you like, as you are a close friend to the groom."

"Do I know the groom?" Finn asked in confusion.

"Yeah you do." Ice King grinned. "I'm getting married!"

Finn's eyes bulged. "What?!"

"I know, right?!" IK asked excitedly. "I guess the former groom stood the bride up or something."

"Indeed." Queen Aqua looked over at the buffet table. "The guests still find him quite enjoyable though."

"Which one is him?" Finn asked.

"The one being served to the guests."

"...Oh…" Finn fought the urge to puke.

A small, young, Siren girl walked up to the Queen, a wooden plate of the former groom held in her, clawed, flippered hands. "Mother, would you like some?" the child asked.

"Oh, no thank you, dear, but it's sweet of you to ask. I've already had some." Queen Aqua patted the girl's head. "Finn, was it? This is my daughter, Nessa. Nessa, this is Finn. One of the new groom's friends."

Nessa smiled at Finn with a piranha's worth of teeth that might've been able to chew through Finn's metal arm. "Finn. I like that name. It's fishy."

"Uh…thanks." Finn looked at IK. "Ice King, are you sure about this? Getting married?"

"Hey, I can't be a bachelor forever," Ice King said. "Someone's gotta make an honest iceman out of me."

"You're really willing to marry someone you just met? What about Bubblegum, or Doctor Princess, or your plan to get a date with my mom?" Finn asked. "...On second thought, I totally support this."

"Finn, I live alone in a mountain of ice with a bunch of penguins," said Ice King. "I want to be with someone who will love me. I need a woman who will understand me and be there for me during the tough moments. The single life is nice, but eventually, you gotta meet the right person and settle down with someone you can be with for the rest of your life. Maybe there are some people who don't mind going to bed alone every night, but for me, I can't imagine a sadder, lonelier future. Every pot needs a lid, to keep them from feeling empty inside. Let me have a lid, Finn. Let me have a lid."

"Woah. That was…surprisingly beautiful, IK," Finn said. "You're actually being serious about this? This isn't just you being your usual, Ice King, crazy self?"

"Nah, Finn. This time, I wanna kidnap someone who wants to stay with me instead of being rescued. And I don't mean the whole Stockholm thing–which would have been nice at least just once. I want it to be authentic." Ice King raised a hand toward Queen Aqua. "And besides. This sea shawty is quite the catch. Who am I to pass up this treasure?"

"Oh, Ice King, I'm faltered," Queen Aqua said. "But it's not me you're marrying. You are to wed my daughter."

"Wait, what?" Ice King frowned and glanced at young Nessa. "Uh…you mean, like, your older, attractive daughter, right? 'Cuz, I'll tell ya right now, that ain't how the IK rolls. I don't start hitting on the princesses until they at least turn eighteen. You should've seen the birthday surprise I put together for Breakfast Princess on her eighteenth. Fun fact; pepper spray from the Breakfast Kingdom is as painful as it is delicious."

"Yes, I meant my other daughter, Shelly, who is of age to marry," the Queen clarified. "She's still getting ready, she's quite nervous about receiving a new husband."

"Queen Aqua," IK placed a hand over his heart. "You have my word as a king that I will treat your daughter with the utmost respect, as Glob as my witness."

BMO began to cry digital tears. "I always cry at weddings. Why do I always cry at weddings?"

"So, where is the soon-to-be Mrs. The Ice King? I'm dying to meet her," said IK.

"Actually, here she comes now." Queen Aqua pointed toward the surf, where her daughter, Shelly, was emerging onto the beach.

I won't go into detail about her appearance. Let's leave it at that.

"AHHHHHHHHHH! SHE'S HIDEOUS!" Ice King bolted out of his seat and ran for it. "Flunk this noise, I'm going back to my penguins! I was wrong! I was so wrong!"

"Stop him!" Queen Aqua commanded.

A squadron of Siren warriors leapt out of the sea and landed on the beach, blocking Ice King's escape and aiming their rusty, barnacle-covered fishing spears at him.

"Stay back, you fishy freaks!" Ice King raised his hands and they glowed and sparked with his ice magic. "My crown gives me power over all of you! Stand aside, or you shall feel the wrath of–"

Nessa leapt over Ice King and snatched the crown off of his head, landing back in the sand with the crown clutched in her claws. Without the crown, Ice King no longer had any magic. He stared at his hands as the magic glowing no longer remained, suddenly looking scared.

"Oh, crud."

"Ice King," Queen Aqua said with a cold, cutting calm, no longer friendly or hospitable. "Let me be clear: you are going to marry my daughter."

"I'd rather be eaten!" Ice King cried.

"So did her last fiance," said Nessa.

Finn drew his sword and backed up next to Ice King as the Sirens all closed in on them.

"Jake! Susan!" Finn yelled.

Neither of them made any reply, too bewitched by the choir, who were still singing their song.

"Seize them!" Queen Aqua commanded. "Bind the king and serve the boy at the buffet!"

"Finn," Ice King begged. "Please kill me. Let me die a free man. Just don't let me get married to that–Ah, I looked at her again!"

Finn prepared for a fight.

"Stop right there!"

Everyone stopped and looked to see Neptr awkwardly and slowly make his way through the sand toward them all. The microwave robot had finally caught up to Finn, and looked quite proud of himself for it.

"Never fear, friends! Neptr is here to save the day!" the robot announced.

Queen Aqua raised an eyebrow. "What the hell is that thing supposed to be?"

"He makes pies," said Finn.

"Ooo, goody, we needed something to serve for dessert," said Aqua. "Someone, grab the robot made out of junk and scrap."

"Hey, lady! Don't you know who I am?!" Netpr asked. "I am N.E.P.T.R. The Never Ending Pie Throwing Robot!"

Neptr opened his microwave door and fired a barrage of banana cream pies at all of the Sirens. The warriors all fell down as they were hit in the face with pies, as did the Queen Aqua and Princess Nessa, and many of the other Sirens.

"Ah, disgusting!" Aqua cried. "Anything but banana!"

Neptr continued to fire off banana cream pies at the Sirens, eventually taking down the singing choir. With the singing stopped, Jake and Susan both snapped out of it and shook their heads in confusion.

"Woah. What happened?" Jake looked around. "Are we at a wedding? And why are all of these fish people covered in pie–Oh my Glob, that one is ugly!"

"No time! We gotta go!" Finn ran over and picked up BMO before running over to pick up Neptr. "Ice King! We need a retreat!"

"Gladly!" Ice King ran up and grabbed his crown from Nessa. When the little Siren tried to resist him, Ice King punched her right in the face and stole his crown back.

"Man, I love punching kids in the face! I do it more often than you think." He put on the crown and used its magic to create a magic carpet of snow big enough for all of them.

"Let's go!" Finn carried Neptr and BMO onto the floating snow carpet and Ice King and Susan got on with him. "Jake, come on!"

"Hold up, I'm coming!" Jake used his stretchy powers to bag all of the fruit at the buffet table before running to the carpet like a burglar with a sack over his shoulder. He hopped up onto the carpet of snow with the others. "Go, go, go!"

Ice King steered the carpet up into the air and over the ocean, heading back to the ship. Some of the sirens tried to leap onto the carpet with swiping claws and gnashing teeth, but Susan punched and kicked them all away.

Ice King sped the carpet all the way back to the ship, landing on the deck and letting everyone hop off before allowing the carpet to fall apart into a rectangular pile of snow on the deck. Finn hurried to the helm and commanded the magic ship to continue a course for Founder's Island.

"Ice King! Give us some wind!" Finn shouted.

"Damn skippy, Skipper!" Ice King waved his hands and a powerful gust of wind filled the sails and practically launched the ship away from the island. Before they all knew it, the island shrank behind them as they made further distance.

"Phew." Ice King wiped away the sweat on his brow. "That was a close one."

"Too close a one," said Finn. "No more pit stops. It's straight to Founder's Island from here on out."

"But what if the next monster lady whose mom wants me to marry her actually turns out to be quite decent to look at?" Ice King asked. "I'm willing to roll those dice if you are."

"I'm not."

"Aw, man."

Jake dumped all of the fruit he had stolen from the wedding next to the bananas he had already launched onto the deck. "Fruit cocktail, anyone?"

"Finally! Something other than fish!" Ice King peeled a banana and took a bite out of the fruit. "I swear, I never wanna see another sea creature for as long as I live. It's gonna be hard to break it to the penguins."

"Well, at least we managed to get some food supplies," Finn said. "In the end, I guess it was all worth it. Great job back there, Neptr. You really saved all our bacon."

"I was wondering when you guys would finally thank me," Neptr said. "And you are welcome, Creator. I am glad to finally feel useful and memorable for once."

"Hey, uh, Finn?" Jake walked up next to Finn at the helm. "Listen. I'm…" Jake rubbed the back of his head. "I'm sorry about giving you the business back on the island. It's not cool of me to keep giving you crap about this whole thing. I know you're not embarrassed of me or the rest of Ooo, it's stupid of me to think you are."

"Of course I'm not," Finn said. "I'm just scared of how this is all gonna go down. Jake, I want to introduce my mom and the rest of the island to the wonders of Ooo. Especially to my best friends. Especially to you. But my mom…probably won't take it very well. And neither will the rest of the island."

"So, how do you wanna do this?" Jake asked. "Your call, bro."

"...I'm gonna be honest with my mom." Finn stared out across the horizon. "About everything."

"Everything?" Jake asked. "But I thought–"

"I don't like it, but it's what needs to happen." Finn sighed. "...She needs to know who I've become. She needs to know where I come from now."

Jake gave his best bro a concerned look. "If you say so," he relented.

"Ice King. Did you really mean it when you said you often punch children in the face?" BMO asked.

"Yeah, totally. I go to the park and find children to punch in the face all the time," Ice King explained. "In case you were wondering, yes, I have been arrested many times."

"A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor."

–Franklin D. Roosevelt