Laurey

"I'm ready," she said, staring at the wall in front of her.

"For what, Laurey?" He asked, thumbing through the cash he'd gotten from some neighboring farm. She didn't know how men could be so oblivious.

"You know, to… be with you."

"Oh" she suddenly had his full attention, and he stuffed the money in a drawer. "You're-you're sure, now? You wanna do this?"

She nodded. "Yeah, I liked it before when we did things. Sometimes. And, well, I just…I think it might help. If we had a baby, if we had that to share." She didn't want to admit it had been Ado Annie's idea after Laurey had confessed that she and Jud weren't as close as before, and her friend's suggestion had made sense the more she thought about it. "Even if we don't have a baby, if we share a nice…time together, then…that'd be good, right? We have to stay married anyhow, so no point in it bein' miserable. Gotta make the best of things. And besides, I think things have been gettin' better between us."

He sat next to her on the bed, stroked her hair, and kissed her forehead. "I'm gonna be so gentle, darlin'. Make it feel so damn good for you, okay? Make you feel good like I have before"

"Okay" she whipped off her shift and lay on her back, legs spread open and eyes screwed shut. "I'm ready."

He laughed and tweaked her nipple. "Said I'd make it feel good for you." He lay beside her, kissing her lips, using his tongue and his teeth the way she liked—used to like. "Let's see if I remember all the things you enjoy. I think" he licked his fingers and flicked at her nipple, drawing out a yelp from her. "You liked that. Yeah, yeah, seems you did. Liked bein' kissed all over, too." His lips found the most sensitive spot on her neck. She whimpered, wanted to tell him to stop, but knew there was no good reason to give him. She could hardly tell him that she'd wanted to be with him, but not to lose control under his fingers and tongue. He was disgusting, slobbering all over her, and she was even more disgusting for letting the man who'd destroyed her life pleasure her like that.

"This was your favorite, though" he grinned before kissing her hardened peak, circling it with his tongue, squeezing her other breast with his calloused fingers. "Still like that?"

Writhing and whimpering, she pulled his hair, pressing him closer, resisting the urge to touch herself. Once he had his fill, his mouth wandered down her body, stopping at the apex of her thighs. "Prettiest cunt in Oklahoma. Missed it so much" He pinned her legs down and let his tongue traverse over her while she panted and gasped his name. She tried to be strong, tried to think of other things, but the pleasure he forced on her made it impossible to do so. The only thing that existed was the feel of his tongue against her, and she was undone by it.

His beard was dripping when he finished, but he still forced a kiss on her mouth.

"You ready? Reckon you're wet enough"

"Okay"

"Get on your hands and knees."

"What?" That seemed wrong, not at all what she'd imagined.

"I'm too tall, or you're too little to do it the normal way. C'mon, I'll show you." She obliged, wary but ready to get it over with. She had posed like that for him before, just so he could look at her, but now all her most intimate parts seemed so exposed, so delicate. Then she felt it—him—pushing into her.

She stifled a scream as he tore her in half. It was a pain she hadn't imagined could exist, even when he used his fingers on her, like he was tearing and burning her insides at the same time. He forced herself into her, pumping in and out, like he was stabbing her.

"You like that? Bet you do, you whore, bet you're desperate for it." He carried on like nothing was wrong, like it was just one of the things they'd done before, one of the things that felt frightening but mostly good at the same time, not like he was trying to rip her to pieces.

"Jud, please, are—please, I—"

"I'll stop if you need," he grunted

"Just get it over with" she cried, and a few moments later, he pulled out of her.

She lay down and he joined her with towels, wiping them both down.

"Am I bleedin'?" She thought that bleeding only happened the first time, but it was hard to believe that what he had just done left no mark on her whatsoever.

"Yeah. Yeah, you are. That happens to ladies sometimes; you're okay."

Okay. It was hard to believe she was okay. She ached between her legs, ached and stung and burned in the aftermath of what he had done to her.

"Hey, um, I'm sorry I called you a whore" he offered, as though that was the worst thing he had done, as if that was the reason she was distraught. "I just—I got caught up, but I know you enjoy it sometimes when I talk like that, so I thought it maybe might be fun for you."

"No, it's—that ain't a problem."

"You okay?"

"I'm fine, Jud."

"Yeah, but you're cryin'; hate it when you cry. I didn't wanna hurt you, but…well, you asked me to, and I tried to be gentle. I did, Laurey, I promise"

"I know." She had so many feelings bubbling to the surface, feelings she could never share with him, didn't have the words to share with him. The closeness, the pain, the love, the terror, every emotion she felt for him battling for dominance inside her until she didn't know how to untangle them. "I'll be fine."

He squeezed her hand. "You mind if I go to sleep?"

"That's fine."

"You wanna try goin' to sleep, too?"

She shook her head and sat up, knees hugged to her chest. "I ain't tired; wanna stay up just a little longer."

"You wake me any time you want, all right? Just to cuddle or anythin'. Know that was frightenin' for you, and I wanna be here if you need me."

She nodded and watched him fall asleep, watched his chest rise and fall as though nothing was wrong. Really, nothing was wrong, there was nothing to stop her from getting under the covers next to him. The pain would subside, and she knew he would never force her to do that again if she didn't want to. He'd agree to be celibate or only do the things she liked. She could stay safe and loved and pampered, reading by the fire and playing with the cat. It would be a good life, an enviable life for most girls. And maybe if things had been different, it would be the life she wanted too. If Curly were the one lying next to her, spent and exhausted, or if she'd chosen Jud based on his own self, not because of what he did to her, she could probably be content remaining where she was, in the life that had been chosen for her.

Tears continued to stream down her cheeks as she stared straight ahead, finally knowing what she had to do.