Tears in the Pool

Whenever Po becomes silent it worries the others. Not that Po being quiet is a miracle, though they sometimes believe that, but it often means that he's hiding something. Most times, mischievously.

That's not always true. It was a simple mission on the western providence where Po didn't listen. "You let him get away?!" Tigress roared at him. "Do you know how long it took for us to find him in the first place? Why do you never listen?!"

"Tigress, if I didn't get in there to save you, you would've been-"

"We already had a plan for that. We were going to get out."

"The entire place was on fire!"

"We had a plan for that! You were supposed to be at the gate ready to catch him!"

Po blinked for a moment. "Why didn't you tell me that?"

"We did!" Tigress and the others shouted. The tiger groaned and rubbed the bridge of her muzzle.

"Let's go back to the Jade Palace and discuss this with Shifu. Maybe he'll find some way to figure out how to get this mastermind... again," She grumbled. Po sadly followed the Furious Five all the way back to the Jade Palace in silence.

Emotions tend to be like the Yellow River. They come and go if they aren't engage with; they are carried away like a boat drifting down the river to the mighty ocean. But when fully engaged with, especially for the wrong reasons, emotions can often bring you down.

Po's reentry to the Jade Palace wasn't a cheerful one. He decided to sneak away from the others and stayed in his room alone. Never a good idea.

After Shifu listened to the Furious Five, his eyebrows furrowed and his frown widened. Though it wasn't for the reason the others thought. "Dai Gin is notorious for creating impervious traps. In the chaos of that burning inferno, there was no guarantee that you would be able to get out, even with the plan you had."

"Master Shifu," Tigress said, controlling her disbelief, "With all due respect, we're Kung Fu warriors."

"That doesn't mean that you can casually throw away your life without good reason, even if it's for the safety of others," Shifu furrowed his eyebrows tighter. "And this isn't the first time you've nearly gotten killed for a... fixation like this."

He was talking about Tai Lung, but he had the decency not to bring it up fully.

"Master Shifu," Tigress groaned slightly, "Everything was under control until Po..."

"Ruined your plans?" The red panda raised a glaring eyebrow. "Plans that Dai Gin obviously knew about." The rest of the room stared at each other. "Don't you think it's odd that his hideout was so flammable? Unless he already planned for what you were going to do? Dai Gin was one of the Masters' council's most brilliant strategists. Or did you forget that?"

The Furious Five went quiet.

"While Po's inability to follow commands can be detrimental at times, it is very rare that it leads to the death of anyone. Your plan doesn't leave room for error, and a backup plan should have plenty of room for error," Shifu rested his hand on Tigress's pant leg and smiled. "You and I have the same traits, Master Tigress. It's easy for us to become fixated on a particular view. While we did put a lot of effort into finding Dai Gin, being fixated on catching him can cause harm to others in the process. You must learn to take in the whole picture. A failed mission is a grateful lesson if you can walk away from it."

"Dai Gin's traps will have to be accounted for the next time we find him," Viper said, ending the conversation. Shifu nodded, staring a bit longer at Tigress and then leaving. "We should apologize to Po."

There was an audible sigh from the group.

Unbeknownst to them, it was too late.

When they went to the panda's room and asked for forgiveness, the panda smiled, gave it to them, and the rest of them went to bed.

Except for Po.

He walked out, not really caring if the floorboards made his presence known. He traveled for a while around a mountain pathway and ascended to the top where a well-known pool was.

While the Furious Five were talking with Shifu, several thoughts span through Po's mind.

Why were the Furious Five angry with him?

He was just helping.

Why was it that every time he tried to help, he messed up?

Why can't he be more like them?

Maybe they didn't like the way he saw the world.

They definitely don't like his stories about kung fu warriors or other battles.

Or maybe they just don't like that he talks too much.

He talks too much, says too much, and doesn't do what he's told.

What's expected of him.

Why was it that being himself meant people close to him would have issues?

Was he perfect? No, but neither were they. And yet their way of imperfection was 'normal'.

Even with their apologies, he tried his best to just be okay.

But... it still didn't feel right.

The Pool of Sacred Tears stood right below him, collecting his sadness. Po shut his eyes as he cried. His mind asked him why he was crying, but his heart replied that it didn't know. This pain was new and familiar; something that brought memories of his talk with Shifu when Tai Lung was coming to the Jade Palace.

He wept bitterly. Sadness drenched his arms as he shook from a weakened body. It hurt. It hurt so much and yet the only relief was to let the hurt be. He cried more. Tears leaked into the pool. He didn't know if this would defile the pool's sacredness.

He didn't care.

He lifted his eyes, wiping the snot and saltwater away from him. The moon stood high, watching him. He took a deep breath and sighed. "No. I'm not doing this. I don't want to be like this. They don't want me? Fine. I'll just be myself for people who want me." He stood up and walked back to the barracks where he had a fitful sleep.

After that, Po became more quiet. Of course, the others asked what was wrong, but the panda simply shrugged and smiled, "Nothing's wrong, guys. I'm fine." In some way, he wanted to believe that. He knew enough from Tigress and Shifu that masking and hiding the emotions weren't helpful. So he had to find other people to talk to.

For a week, the Furious Five noticed Po going to the village more and more, staying around his dads, serving the customers, and playing with the children. It was immediately noticeable for Monkey and Mantis, who deeply missed the panda's breakfast, lunch, and dinner. "Why don't you cook more often? We miss your food!" Mantis complained.

Po shrugged, "I mean, okay." But that didn't solve the wedge that everyone felt in the Jade Palace. Po cooked the food, sat down with the Furious Five, and ate.

That was it, save for a few awkward questions that Viper and Crane would ask. Things were way too quiet. It greatly unnerved everyone. "Are you sure you're okay, Po? What about your Kung Fu do- I mean action figures?" Crane asked.

Po raised his eyebrow with a playful smirk. Sometimes, he had to laugh at the fact that without his involvement, the Furious Five didn't know how to socially function. "They're the same as before. Guys, are you okay? You seem... weird."

"Uh... no, no, we're fine." Then they all looked at Tigress.

The tiger sighed, crossing her arms. "Po, is there a reason why you're quiet? You're not usually this silent."

Po shrugged. "I don't have anything to say."

"WHAT!?"

"AHH! Geez I'm right here guys! Would you turn it down?!" He grunted a little more forcefully than he was used to. He mentally chided himself as he saw Viper and Monkey wince at the harsh tone. "Sorry, but you guys were loud."

"We're sorry, but it's just... You always have something to say," Viper replied.

"Well... not today," Po answered. He got up and put his dish in the sink. "I'm going to go to the village. I'll be at my dad's if you-"

"Po, there you are," Master Shifu said, coming into the kitchen. "I need to have a word with you."

Gritting his teeth a bit, Po followed the red panda to the courtyard.

The others looked at each other. "Something's wrong," Mantis stated.

Viper frowned, "You don't think he's still mad at us for the botched mission, right?"

Crane sighed, "It's possible. We were hard on him... actually, that's Tigress's fault."

"Excuse me?!"

"You were the harshest on him," Monkey said. "I'm not saying we didn't have a hand in it, but you were the one telling him off."

Tigress sighed, annoyed but deeply worried. "I don't think that's completely it. He wouldn't have yelled at us like that for speaking too loudly."

"So then?" Viper asked.

"What's wrong?" Shifu asked Po. "You haven't been yourself in a while."

"Why do you say that?"

"You're quiet, you don't socialize with the Furious Five as much, and it seems like you're hiding a great pain in your chest," Shifu sadly frowned and gave a sigh. "Is this about the mission with Dai Gin?"

Po opened his mouth for a moment but sighed. "No, it's not. I don't really worry about it after we finally got him... the next day."

The red panda raised his eyebrow. "Then what is it?"

"Master Shifu, I'm fine. Just... having a little problem controlling myself."

Shifu narrowed his eyes. "Controlling what?"

"My... self? I just said that," Po replied.

"No, I mean... why do you feel like you're having a hard time controlling yourself? And with what?"

"Ha," Po scoffed a bit under his breath, "Just trying to make sure I don't waste my breath."

It sounded pained and hurt, but also vengeful. Po saw the red panda swallowing hard and sighed, "Master Shifu, I promise I'm not going... bad. I'm just a little tired, that's all."

"That's new."

"What?"

"I've never heard you use that excuse before."

"What makes you think it's an excuse?"

Shifu allowed himself a smile. "Because whenever Master Oogway asked how I was doing after Tai Lung was sent to prison, I would use the same excuse."

"барилаадаа (Barilaadaa)," Po grumbled. Shifu's eyes widened. "What?"

"Nothing, I just... didn't think you knew that language," Shifu replied, "And I definitely didn't know you knew that word." It was an 'impolite' Mongolian word describing... poop.***

Po shrugged, "There's a lot about me that... most people don't want to hear." Shifu's eyes widened and his heart sagged. "Master, I really need to go to my dads'. They're probably waiting for me."

"Yes... yes. I will... You are dismissed," Shifu said. Po started on his way. "Po?" Shifu called. The giant panda stopped. "Just like you, the people close to us can have a hard time listening and understanding."

"Then why does it hurt?" Po asked.

Shifu sighed, "I guess because we care. I don't know. I'm sorry." With that, Po walked away. He worked with his dads for a while before going back up to the Jade Palace late in the night. He couldn't get Shifu's words out of his head.

He was right.

And he started to hate him for being right. He looked over to the Peach Tree of Heavenly Wisdom.

He needed some breathing room before going to bed. Making the trek past the courtyard, the Hall of Heroes, and the barracks, Po walked up to the Pool of Sacred Tears. He knelt down and sighed. He bit down on his plushy arm and screamed into it.

It helped, but it still felt weird. Chuckling to himself, he felt a little on edge at the thought that Shifu somewhat knew what was wrong with him. It felt strange that a part of him didn't want to be exposed. Like the feeling wanted to stay because if he let it go, he would lose it. But wasn't that the whole reason to come here late in the night? To cry, scream, yell, and emote after a day of keeping everything in and avoiding the people who hurt him?

Po sighed. He wanted to keep the pain because keeping the pain meant that he was justified in being this way to his friends. It was a way of revenge.

But he was the one suffering.

Po sighed with a tear flowing from his eye and into the pool.

"Po?" Called a familiar voice. The panda snapped up his head. Strange. He didn't think she would be here. Not this late. "What are you doing here?"

"Ah... nothing really," Po sighed, smiling a bit lighter. "Just getting over some stuff."

"Do you... mind if I sit with you?"

"No, I don't," Po said. The tiger did so.

They sat in silence for a minute or two. The others were right. Po being completely silent like this was... unnerving.

"Po/Tigress I-" the two said in unison.

"You first," Po said.

Tigress took a deep breath. "Po, you've been acting differently lately and I can't help but wonder if it's because of the mission with Dai Gin. Po, I'm... really sorry for hurting you. I was so caught up in my own way of doing things that I... failed to realize that you saved us from something that could've quickly gone wrong. Even with good planning. I don't... I don't know if that's why you're acting differently, but... if it is... I'm... truly sorry." Po stared for a moment and nodded. Another silence passed. "Isn't there something you wanted to say?"

Po sighed deeply, "Tigress, I'll admit. I was hurt by what you guys said. And... I came all this way to the pool of Sacred Tears to cry my heart out." Tigress's eyes widened. "In that time, it made me realize that I don't think I can be open with you guys... Not nearly as much as I want to. 'Cause even if I were, you would probably just... not listen." Po sighed again, "I know I talk a lot. I know what I talk about isn't what you guys care about. So I... just... stopped. I finally shut up. I decided... not to waste my breath."

He chuckled a bit. "It's funny. You guys really don't know what to do when I'm not talking. It's kinda of funny. I was just... for a while, it felt like I couldn't be myself with you guys. So I-"

"You put up a mask because we rejected your true self," Tigress said. Po looked and gasped. Tigress shut her eyes and let tears stream down her cheeks. "I... I'm so sorry, Po. I... I didn't mean to-"

"Tigress, Tigress, it's okay."

"No, it's not!" Tigress shouted. "Po I know what that's like! I know what it feels like to close yourself off from everyone and... and hurt on the inside." Her eyes started to run red as she wiped them. "I never wanted anyone to go through that pain and yet here I am causing you that exact kind of pain. I destroyed ironwood trees, training soldiers, and bandits because I felt like I couldn't live with the emotion. And... I'm sorry for making it feel like you couldn't be yourself." She hid her face. "I'm... I'm so sorry."

Her tears started to spill into the pool. She hadn't cried like this in a while, and yet the realization of what she did to Po was-

Warm large arms wrapped around her, muffling her mouth. "Po?"

"It's okay, Tigress. I'm sorry for worrying you," Po smiled widely. Tigress stuttered in her eyes.

"But... I don't understand."

"What do you mean?" Po asked.

"You were in so much pain when I saw you here and now... it's... gone?"

Po shrugged. "I saw how much you understood my pain. I guess that helped me have a little more compassion and patience for you."

Tigress stared at those lovely jade eyes filled with so much peace and care. "Po? Where does all the hurt go?* For you I mean. Where does all your anger and pain go?"

Po smiled a bit wider. "I guess I just accept that I'm that way. I wear my emotions on my shoulders with people I trust to be myself around." He looked at the pool, letting Tigress go. "Emotions are like water in the river. They come and go. But trying to hold that emotion in your hand isn't going to help you. I realized that I was holding on to the pain to... justify treating you guys the way I did. But it was hurting me more than it was hurting you." Po frowned. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner."

"Po, I should be apologizing. I'm sorry for hurting you," Tigress hugged him abruptly. The panda sighed and hugged her back. "From now on, you tell me how you feel, okay? I'll... I'll be honest about if I can listen at the moment, but... I'll try to be there as much as I can. I'm... I'm really sorry, Po. I really-"

"It's okay, Tigress," Po smiled gently, letting the last tear of the night drip down his face. "Thank you, Tigress."

The End

***A/N: I am not responsible for anyone using this word. Yes, it is a curse word, but I am not responsible for you getting slapped for using it.

*A/N: Ah memories.