Disclaimers: I do not own Fairy Tail.

A/N: So because I decided to come back to my Fairy Tail. For one, they deserve to get a update. Two, I also don't want to get burn out on my Draconic Neutral story. My apologies to those that have been waiting for a update. I'm planning on working on Fiery Hurricane, Right Claw, and Wild Master.

Chapter 9

Cowgirls and Catgirls

A gunshot suddenly rings out and Risley barely has enough time to duck before a bullet goes zooming over her head.

"What the-?!", she shouts, breaking her focus and causing the gravity in the area to return to normal. Then using acrobatic that would put even Bickslow to shame, she backflips and cartwheels all over the places, dodging more bullets as they barely miss her until she felt that it was safe to stop and confront her attacker.

"Now you listen here, missy", Bisca says from atop a nearby roof, her rifle slung on her shoulder, "If anyone going to have a tumble in the hay with little old Romeo there, it's going to be me."

"Of course the original guild milf would show up now. Why the fuck not?", Cana grumbles as she got back up.

"Actually wouldn't Romeo's mom, Enno, be the original milf of the guild?", Lisanna questions as she did the same.

"Oh shit, you're right. I completely forgot about her", Cana says, "It's funny though seeing how her having a divorce Macao when Romeo was so young is probably the reason why he turn out the way he did when it comes to the opposite sex.

"Are you two done discussing my tragic childhood which is still far better than everyone else at the guild's seeing how both of my parents are still alive?", Romeo's voice says as he got free of Flare's hair and pulls his pants up. Luckily for him, it seem the gravity pressure was too much for the mage and she was now pass out on the street.

"Alive and separated", Cana points out.

"Once again, still far better than yours. I mean, at least I knew my father knew I was his child from the beginning", Romeo counters.

"What was that, you little shit?", Cana growls.

"Guys!", Lisanna barks, stopping the two mages from fighting and turning their attention to her.

"What is it?", Cana asks

The youngest Strauss sibling points toward Bisca and Risley who were merely standing there with exasperated expression on their faces while looking back at them

"These two are about to have a battle and yet you two are having a side argument" Lisanna explains, "It's pretty rude."

"Damn, she's right. Fairy Tail protocol number sixty-nine dictates that any conversation during a battle must be either about the battle itself or, at the very least, the people fighting in it", Romeo remembers, "Though for some reason, protocol number sixty-nine was going to be "Don't go to Lucy house uninvited unless you're Natsu" but she was adamant about it not being that number."

"Fine. I'll follow the stupid rules for once", Cana grumbles while crossing her arms.

"Rules are in place for a reason, Cana. It is what separate us from the animals", Lisanna lectures before returning to Bisca and Risley, "Sorry about that."

"Thank you", Bisca says with a eye roll, "Anyway, back to business. Romeo is mine so you can get along now."

"Like hell! As I said before; he needs a real woman, not some country hick toothpick who is already used goods!", Risley replies.

"Oh please! There are countless women who wish that could still rock a body like mine after having a kid!", Bisca laughs while striking a alluring pose, "Besides, if you somehow got pregnant by some miracle no one would even be able to tell the difference!"

"Ha! You're just jealous that I actually got some meat on my bones!", Risley counters.

"More like you got the whole damn cow on your bones", came Bisca's response before turning her attention to Romeo with a look that instantly put him on edge.

"Oh this won't be good", he thought.

"So what do you say, suga?", Bisca asks, "Don't even try to deny and say that you never once looked my way while you were growing up. I caught you all the time staring at time with side glances and such, especially whenever I was breastfeeding Asuka."

"You what?", both Cana and Lisanna say as they eye Romeo with a disgusting look, 'You sick pervert!"

"Okay, I can see that her statement is being taken way out of context and being misconstructed by you two!" Romeo defends himself.

"A woman's breastfeeding her child is not a act for your amusement and kinks!", Lisanna screams.

"That's right! It is for the nourishment of the child and nothing more! For you to look upon a sacred act of motherhood with such a perverse mind is a violation that even I can't condone!", Cana adds.

Romeo just stares back at them in silence for a moment before speaking, "You guys do realize that when Asuka was at that stage of her life I was only about seven or eight years old, right? I was more curious about what Bisca was doing with Asuka than anything."

...

"Damn, he has a point there. Sorry about that", Lisanna admits as she realize her mistake while Cana just look embarrassed.

"Regardless of that little detail; you cannot tell me you have never being interested in my milf body", Bisca says as she brought the barrel of her rifle up to her mouth, "Just imagine what fun you and I could have; especially with my...toys."

Bisca then proceeds to slowly and seductively run her tongue up and down the entire length of her gun. Even when she reach the top of it, her mouth appendage leisurely twirl around the inside. Plus, she was doing all of this while keeping eye contact with Romeo the entire time with her yellow eyes, ignoring everyone else.

"I'm no gun expert by any means whatsoever but I'm one-hundred percent certain that is not a proper way to clean a gun", Lisanna says with a wide-eyed expression, "I'm also pretty sure that she is breaking nearly every gun safety laws in the country at this very moment."

"Please be quiet, Lisanna. It's taking all my mental capacity to not image what else that gun may have been used for or where else it might have been", Cana pleads.

Romeo just stares on in silence as a thousand thoughts ran rampant through his head. Sure, once he hit puberty his mind started to wander whenever it came Bisca and Kinana as they were the girls he was around the most and they did not wear the most modest of clothing when they were at the guild. So it was natural for him to see them in a...particular light every now and then , especially Bisca after he found out what exactly the world "milf" meant.

"Speaking of Bisca, I wonder why she actually started wearing skimpier clothing once she had Asuka. Most women would cover up more and-"

"Romeo, what the fuck?!", he suddenly hears Cana screams and snaps him out of his thought.

"What?", he says as he turns to look at her and is confuse to her with a shock and disturb expression while looking down at his lower body. He quickly follows her line of sight and is taken aback with what he saw for he was now popping a tent in his pant which was stretching the piece of clothing to its very limit.

"Oh shit", he mumbles.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?! Are you actually getting turn on by this?!", Cana questions while Lisanna recoils from the Rainbow Fire mage in horror.

"Hey, it has been a pretty fucking weird day! I have been discovering a lot of things about myself that I was better off not knowing and awakening things inside of me not I'm not proud about!", Romeo replies.

"Then do what all the rest of us do and keep your kinks under wraps, you sicko!", Cana says.

"You know despite being the biggest person here right now, I feel like I'm being completely ignored", Risley voices while rapidly tapping her foot, "That can piss even someone as jolly as me way the fuck off!"

Bisca stops cleaning her gun with her tongue and refocus her attention on Risely, "Ah shit, suga. You're still here?"

"I'm pretty hard to miss", Risely replies.

"On that we can agree on", the cowgirl replies before drawing a bead on the Mermaid Heel Mage with her rifle, "Now why do you be a good little girl and mosey on out of here?"

"How about you kiss my naturally plump and round ass?", Risley retorts as she charges up her magic.

"I just now realize that we are about to be in the middle of a storm of bullets and gravity", Cana starts, "Therefore, I believe it best that we vacate the area."

"I second that", Romeo says.

"I third that", Lisanna follows.

The trio turns to move but before they could even take one step, a voice calls out.

"Nekosoku Tube!"

"Huh?", Romeo, Lisanna, Cana, Bisca, and Risley all say at the same time, but it was only the latter two who would follow it up with a resounding...

"WHAT THE HELL?!", they scream as they were suddenly wrap up in magical binding tubes and they both fall to the ground, restrain from moving.

"Yeah!", a voice squeal and Romeo, Cana, and Lisanna turn to see Mermaid Heel neko-style mage, Millianna, skipping toward them. She had a smile plaster on her face that despite the innocence in it, each of the trio knew it was anything but that, especially with her glowing yellow eyes which seem more disturbing and terrified than the others did.

"Oh no", Lisanna said as cat mage began twirling around on a nearby lamppost for a couple of rounds before she started grinding against it like a dancer in a strip club.

"Millianna has been a good kitty!", she says right before she got off and starting approaching the trio, her eyes set on the purple-haired mage, "She stop those two women from hurting you!"

"Time to run for real now", was all Lisanna says.

"I second that!", Cana agrees.

"I THIRD THAT!", Romeo follows.

But with Millianna enhanced reflexes, she was already casting another magical binding straight at Romeo but he could even turn around.

"Help!", he cries out as he falls to the ground and began to get drag backwards. Somehow one of his arms manages to avoid getting tangle and he was waving wildly before both Cana and Lisanna latch on to it and struggle to get him out. But against the strength of one of Mermaid Heel's top mages, it was all for naught as all three of them began to get pull backwards.

"Kitty wants headpats!", Millianna squeals as she continued to reel Romeo in like a fish.

"How is she this strong?!", Lisanna cries out.

"Kitty wants chin scratches!"

"It's like she hype up on a mixture of aphrodisiac and catnip!", Cana screams as she yanks on her fellow mage's arm with all of her might.

"Kitty wants pets all day long!"

"A cat in heat is a very dangerous thing! Especially one that can use powerful magic!", Lisanna shouts.

"Kitty wants belly rubs!", Millianna says before giving one last final yank, causing the girls to let go and send Romeo flying toward her. Once he lands directly in front of her, the cat-mage flips him over on his back and hover over him.

"But most importantly...", she starts as her yellow eyes start to shine so bright they were almost blinding and Romeo swore he could her teeth turning into fangs right before his very eyes as Millianna starting taking on a more feral appearance as her iris became slitted and pool of drool began to pour out of her mouth onto Romeo's face.

"KITTY WANTS THAT DICK!"

Romeo, who wits were finally at their end, could only meekly croak out...

"Pleasant, non-violent, sex...please?

"NO SEX! ONLY BREED!", came Millianna's reply.

A/N: Would Enno or Bisca be consider the original Fairy Tail milf? Enno did leave the guild while Bisca stay, so it's up for debate.