(2023/10/13): Author's Note: Hey everyone!

This chapter... I swear I was stuck writing this for like 3 weeks, so I'm just glad it's done. Funny, as soon as I start thinking this fic is going to write itself it doesn't... rude! We are moving closer and closer to the end, which will arrive sooner than expected (definitely less than 80+ chapters in, unlike Sand and Snow). It will still take a bit but we will get there. Writing is exhausting sometimes so I will try to get another chapter out by November, most likely.

So until then, Happy Halloween!

And Happy Friday the 13th! It's not a happy event but if you know, you know... definitely read up on its history if you're interested. (Hint: in 1307, King Phillip IV of France betrayed the Knights Templar by falsely accusing the KT of heresy and witchcraft so he could acquire their gold. While the KT were burnt at the stake, the KT leader Jacques de Morlay told the king he and the Pope would be dead within the year for their betrayal - and he was right, the king and Pop both died as predicted). I'm a history buff so I like reading medieval stuff.

As always, thank you for reading! xx

Chapter 33
Two Sides of the Coin

It was a few weeks before Nomasaki was able to leave Yamagakure.

Gaara made his trips to Sunagakure promptly and scarcely as possible, making sure to return to Yama and be at his wife's side as she regained her vitality. The council was more than understanding and congratulated him on the arrival of his daughter. Even if a daughter, the council and its elders were most pleased. Two heirs were carrying Rasa's bloodline – even though the blood was tainted with that of the wolves. Ebizo was most overjoyed and shook Gaara's hand with the most vigour and warmth. The revered Elder Sibling may have been in his twilight years, but his wits were as sharp as ever.

When Gaara returned to Yama for the second time, Nomasaki walked out of bed alone and had nearly as much energy as she did before her pregnancy. The cocktail of herbs and iron had restored her blood, and colour had returned to her cheeks for the first time since Chizue's passing. What stunned Gaara the most was that she was insistent on resuming Sana's training immediately. He gave leave for her to do so and spent time discussing family matters and niceties with Kyō over hot green tea on the manse's front porch while they watched over Setsuka. Things were peaceful again – and he was grateful for the moment's rest.

On the snows of the snowy meadow of the forest, Nomasaki and Sana meditated.

Breathing in the cold mountain air, they exhaled its vapour and calmed their minds. Nomasaki taught Sana how to focus her emotions, her chakra – and, by extension, feel to sense the fabric of every living thing. Sana closed her eyes tight initially, but Nomasaki assured her there was no need to force.

Nomasaki instructed with the blade Onikiri at her hip, "Take a breath, then exhale. Take it in again, and feel what is around us. Hear the rushing water of the stream, the movement of deer in the thicket. Hear their breaths, feel their chakra's warmth. Sense their life force," and Sana listened.

She breathed in and out, over and over again. She kept her eyes closed but not shut tight and allowed the wind to pass through her loose bun of dark hair. Her eyes snapped open as she felt the chakra come alive, caressing her bones and filling her nose with scent. Nomasaki was the first chakra she sensed, and soon she felt the chakra of the Kazekage, her chieftain, her villagers, and then the life force of a small herd of deer crossing the river.

Sana nearly wept, "It's so… beautiful."

And she had regained what so many of her clansmen had lost – their connection to nature.

By their third session of careful meditations, Sana attracted a visitor to their sacred place. Lumbering through the thicket of red-barked trees was the bear Nomasaki had encountered during her isolation in the mountains. It eyed Nomasaki as she stood, slowly marching its way to Sana. It did not stand in aggression or bare its fangs and claws. Sniffing Sana once, the bear lay at her feet and stared into her green eyes. Nomasaki was unsure what to make of such a thing, but Sana was ultimately bewildered. With careful movements, Sana knelt and touched its coarse, dark fur. The bear did not flinch when she felt its coat. Sana then decided the bear was to be her companion, and the bear and her were soon bound by a summoning contract she made herself – using what little knowledge of jutsu her parents could pass down. On that day, the Kumatsume clan had once more become the bear-people of the forest for the first time in ages.

Sana named the bear Kuro after its immaculate, dark coat of fur.

Nomasaki was even more stunned to discover a trail of cubs soon followed.

Sunagakure was unchanged since their departure, thankfully.

The journey back to their home was easier than their departure, with the threat of war behind them as a distant memory. Setsuka was alternated between her parents as they crossed the cool sands of late winter. Like her elder brother, she was a pleasant and quiet baby indifferent to travel. Nomasaki did not have to rest as often as last, and the nursing came easy. Gaara found a cave off their path for them to rest for the night, and Nomasaki slept soundly beside their infant daughter. Although sleep was calling, Gaara stayed awake and stood guard. As he watched his wife and newborn from beyond the dimming campfire, the warmth that entered his heart was immeasurable. Awed was an understatement.

As with the birth of Kyōkurō, they were bombarded by councillors and elders who desperately wanted a glimpse of the baby. However, Setsuka was bolder than her brother, and when she opened her tiny mouth for the first time, an unsuspecting elder was bitten by the infant's apparent fangs. His screams did not spur Setsuka to cry, and if it was any inclination, the infant seemed to be vaguely amused by his fit. And it was here that Gaara realized Setsuka had more wolf in her than her brother – a joy and worry.

Meiyumi and Kankuro were the first to visit.

They met them in their residence and greeted them with a clean home, food on the table, and a small tower of gifts to welcome the new addition to their family. Meiyumi was thrilled by the arrival of Setsuka ahead of the due date, commenting on how healthy and vibrant the infant appeared. However, she expressed how she was upset that she could not be at Nomasaki's side to help – to which Nomasaki assured her it was alright and that she wished the same. Kankuro pat Gaara on the back and smirked a congrats, and Gaara accepted with a rare smile. Even Temari sent her regards through video chat with Shikamaru and their son Shikadai and congratulated the couple on the arrival of her niece.

"M… Mama! Papa!"

Kyōkurō was overjoyed at his parents' return, wobbling his little legs to be held in their arms.

When Kyōkurō saw his baby sister for the first time, he was silent – awed by the tiny creature. He poked her cheek, and when Setsuka opened her violet eyes, Kyōkurō awed aloud and began to say, "sister, sister!" warming their hearts.

Anywhere they took Setsuka, Kyōkurō soon followed. He wanted nothing more than to be around his baby sister and even sat with her on the pelt of furs. It was evident that the two would be close for a lifetime, and Nomasaki was relieved that Setsuka had a big brother to look out for her. It filled her heart with hope that she could break the seal on her own brother. And perhaps one day, Temujin could join their family as their uncle. But time would reveal his destiny, and Nomasaki knew it would be a grave act to perform.

She hid her worries and hopelessness behind a kind smile as she played and tended to her children and fervently wished that neither would ever have to endure such a cruel, hard life as she and her husband had.

Gaara wished for that, too.

At her first post-partum appointment, Meiyumi inserted a small plastic rod into Nomasaki's left bicep. Nomasaki hardly felt it go in and hesitantly tapped where it lay with a confused glance. "A chakra rod? And how does it… work exactly?"

"Implant!" Meiyumi corrected. "It uses your own chakra to prevent ovulation. It virtually has no side effects… other than you might never have a period again until it's removed, which can be at any time. I have mine, and so far, so good!" She grimaced at her friend. "And unlike the pill, this works on its own. I know for a fact you wouldn't be a good pill-taker. If you went the way you did, you and Gaara would probably be run out of house and home with children!"

Gaara shivered, closing his eyes and keeping calm. "Two is enough."

"I would think so!" Meiyumi replied haughtily.

"My childbearing days are done, rest assured." Nomasaki giggled. "You may not be a shopkeeper, but you sold me on this, Meiyumi!" She flexed her arm, marvelling at its presence. "Thanks, Meiyumi."

Snidely, Meiyumi shot a dark glare in Gaara's direction. "If only if there was a way for you men…"

Gaara stiffened his back against the wall, averting his glance. "I'm good, thanks."

Nomasaki and Meiyumi laughed in good spirits.

Thrilled to no longer be maligned with pregnancy, Nomasaki tended to her children with her husband with utmost vigour and love. Setsuka was growing fast through the following weeks and months, and Kyōkurō was growing more confident every day and learning new words. Kankuro was reprimanded once for swearing during a game of cards, as Kyōkurō heard the new word and said it as loudly as he could manage. Nomasaki rushed over and covered his tiny ears, guiding him back to the nursery. Kankuro reared his head in laughter, only to yelp in pain from the squeeze Gaara's sand gave on his thigh.

But one day, the council elders urged Gaara to conceive a third.

"There must be three heirs," they said, "As dictated by our ancient customs. Your father had three, and so did his. There must be three to inherit the clan's name."

"My wife endured enough childbirth," Gaara informed them, drawing their bewilderment. "I'm quite content with two children. And my family is not to be subjected by tenets created by ancestors long since dead."

The elders did not know how to respond but soon left his office in silence.

Three, Gaara thought, contemplating by the window, Why three?

And he was left to his thoughts.

It was a cold day in Suna when Shijima returned unannounced.

The Hōki woman acted as if nothing had happened and attempted to resume her duties without uttering a word. Gaara was having none of it. Immediately, he summoned her to be in his and his wife's presence, who was heartbroken over Shijima's sudden absence. Silence fell upon them in solitude as they awaited for Shijima to confess. But when she did, neither of them expected such an answer.

Nomasaki sat stunned. "You… You went to Konoha?"

"I had to,"

Gaara was not pleased. Crossing his arms, he narrowed his ringed-eyes in disappointment. "You are sworn to protect Nomasaki, and you left without warning. This is most unlike you, Shijima."

"My sister, Hakuto-sama, gave birth," Shijima spoke further, her tone even. "I had to see her."

"As was I," Nomasaki added sharply, her words like ice. "I gave birth the moment you left. And near bled to death afterwards, might I add."

Gaara blinked towards her, haunted by the memory. I don't need a reminder…

Shijima nodded, her glance firm. "Forgive me for leaving Yamagakure so suddenly, my lady. I meant you no harm or ill-will. But Hakuto-sama is my sister – my only kin left. I had to be with her… as much as it pained me to leave you." Her lips hesitated at what she was to say next, but after taking a breath, she spoke again. "She also had another vision and wanted me to part some of her words to you that can't be uttered in a letter or scroll."

"I thought her visions stopped," Nomasaki turned to Gaara in bewilderment. "Didn't they?"

Shijima shook her head. "She saw the temple of winds, a dark power, and a red sun – and said 'time is cardinal'."

There it is again, Gaara thought in suspicion, And her vision seems to be recurring… Strange. "Time is cardinal…" He repeated in a sighing breath, pondering to himself. "It has to mean something if she spoke of it before."

Nomasaki pressed. "Do you think it's code for something?"

"Not exactly." Shijima's voice drew them in. She eyed them with a dire glance. "When my sister had visions, she wouldn't understand all she saw. Only certain phrases would come to mind, allowing her to understand it all."

When Gaara remembered their last meeting, something stood out to him that was once obscured. A suggestion he was once hesitant, but after the summit in Konoha with the Sixth Hokage, he was convinced the route may work in Nomasaki's favour. The priests of the Sand Temple may have the means for Nomasaki to tap into her subconscious and unblock the disruption of balance disconnecting her from her powers. And they also might understand what the repeated phrase might mean or point them in the right direction.

Never having been a spiritual man himself, he knew Nomasaki was at first reluctant to the suggestion to meet with the Sand Priests – especially after having dealt with their hostility before their wedding day. And she still swore by the faith of her old mountain gods – or at least, held them in reverence in her thoughts. But the Sand Temple and its resources must not be overlooked if they were to succeed in decoding not just Nomasaki's chakra but Tenbu's ultimate goal.

"Now's the time for you to try the Sand Temple, Nomasaki." Gaara turned to her, meeting her widened glance. "Speak with the monks. Find out all you can. And if they have a place for you to harness chakra, as Naruto mentioned, it may be a good place to tap into your inner self. As he said, it might be more difficult as you're not a jinchuriki, but it could help bring balance to your chakra and help recover your powers."

Nomasaki froze but then turned away and lowered her glance to her lap. "I know," She sighed. "To tell you the truth, I'm… scared."

Shijima eyed her lady with utmost empathy.

Gaara gingerly wrapped his arm around her, pulling her closer. She leaned against his shoulder, resting her head as thoughts raced. Despair, fear, and hopelessness. "You have nothing to fear, Nomasaki," Gaara assured. "I'll be with you. I won't let you face this alone… I promise. Everything is going to be alright."

Nomasaki clutched his hand and buried her face into his shoulder. Taking in his scent, she sensed his warmth and let out a breath, keeping her tears at bay. "I don't want to lose myself… should something go wrong. I don't know what I'll see once inside, but that's a sacrifice I must make to get through this." She forced herself to meet his face, wearing an expression of firm determination. "If Naruto could do it as a jinchuriki, then I can do it as a half-breed!"

Holding her close, Gaara put his lips softly to her forehead.

Shijima bowed, resting her head on the floor. "Nomasaki-sama, I devote myself to you in your service. Rest assured, I will never abandon you." She raised her head, meeting their glances. "And I agree with Kazekage-sama. What you propose to do at the Sand Temple will pose no direct danger to yourself. However, the meditation method you seek may cause you further distress, so I suggest you approach carefully."

Sitting silently, Nomasaki thought long and hard. "Shijima, when I return from the temple, we will revisit my memory recollection training in genjutsu. Is that clear?"

Surprised, Shijima stared. "My lady?"

The faint smile that spread on Nomasaki's lips said it all.

"Very well," Shijima nodded. "As desired, we will resume your training upon your return."

And so, it was decided.

Nomasaki scarcely slept at all that night.

Tossing and turning, she lay awake in bed, pondering every moment that occurred to her since the notion of revisiting the temple was brought up. She yearned for her powers, her blood to simmer and boil and for her to make the change. She knew she had to consult them on striking a balance before attempting the ancient ritual on Yama's soil. And the image of her brother striking her down in combat haunted her nightmares. Ironically, Gaara slept the longest. Two hours of it. Although his reason was, of course, his perpetual insomnia.

When she pulled herself out of bed, she immediately noticed the darkened bags under her eyes. Hastily, she covered the spots with concealer and powdered her nose. She was gifted a makeup set from Meiyumi but never touched the rest. Even when she first began applying it in her teenage years, she stuck to concealer and mascara. Her habits have not changed. She dressed in her long, blue kimono with black sleeves and used an onyx hairpin to hold her topknot. She sighed as she sat before the mirror.

At least I'm presentable, she thought.

Gaara appeared behind and kissed her cheek. They exchanged glances, and Nomasaki was comforted by her husband's confidence. She was relieved she did not have to do this alone. Taking his hand, she exhaled and followed him out into the corridor. She left behind Onikiri by her nightstand, hoping the moment would not call for her to use it prematurely.

The wind blew past her as she walked beside her husband towards the Sand Temple.

Golden strands bounced at her back and swam into her face, obscuring her sights of the street and beyond. She moved the stray strands as they kissed her cheeks. It was a very windy day. Plumes of sand and dust howled and danced in the bright blue skies overhead, warning of a sandstorm that roared in the distance. When they reached the temple, Nomasaki came to an abrupt pause. Nervousness was setting in. Gaara noticed, feeling her hand pulling in his. Smoothly, a stream of sand lightly coaxed her forward. And Nomasaki was once again her old, timid self. She gave a shy smile and joined him as they passed through the open doors to the temple.

There were only a handful of guards within.

A wide, ornate hall with many tapestries of red and gold welcomed the guests. Soon enough, a monk took notice and approached them. He was young and had a clean-shaven head, wearing the priestly robes with evident pride. "May I help you?" He suddenly turned wide-eyed, bowing profusely. "K-Kazekage-sama! And Nomasaki-sama! Welcome,"

Gaara simply nodded. "We are here to pay respects to the faith and admire the temple."

The monk coughed into his fist, easing back into his calm demeanour. "Certainly, Gaara-sama. Are you here to pray?"

"Not exactly -,"

Before Nomasaki could speak herself, a gasp echoed down the empty chasm. "AH! IT'S YOU!" An elderly priest emerged frantically from a chamber, taking in his guests with flaring anger. "H-How d-d-dare you come back! You nearly gave me a heart attack! You accursed Ōkami!"

Nomasaki then remembered. Before her wedding to Gaara, she had to be granted blessings from the Sand Priests. Unfortunately for them, she barred her fangs and struck fear into their hearts, begging for their desert gods to save them. She took his scowl as a challenge. "Pleasure to see you after such a long time," She smiled darkly. "Care to see more of my fangs, do you?"

"WAH!" The priest nearly fell off his cane. "Why you -!"

"Master, she's the wife of the Kazekage." The monk explained. "She's not a demon."

The elderly priest turned, dumbfounded. "Wha -?!"

"It was you who gave her your blessing, with all due respect."

"AH!" The priest panicked. "How could this have happened?! Once again, my generosity betrays me…"

Slowly, Nomasaki stepped forward and bowed her head. The priest flinched. "Nomasaki of the Yamamori clan, priest." She stood straight, her lips curved into a light smile, with all signs of her beast blood masked. "I assure you, I am no demon."

The monk looked to his master. "Muso-sama, should I prepare tea?"

"Hm…" Muso stroked his beard, nodding once and slowly as he examined the faces of his guests. "Yes, please do."

Green matcha tea was served in the drawing room.

It was a cozy abode furnished with cushions, exquisite vases, statues of the desert gods time remembered, and many stout bonsai trees. Beside Gaara, Nomasaki sat on her cushioned seat on the floor before a low table across from the elderly priest and his attending monk. Nomasaki kept her hands gripping her dress, fidgeting to steer away from any and all nervousness that dared to rear its head. Flashbacks to the Earth Summit taunted her, but she was thankful the tea was at least calming her nerves. It was a relief the elderly priest had resigned his fear towards her. He drank his tea soothingly with slow sips as if having an afternoon with old friends. The monk at his side sat calm-eyed but watched the guests with an analytical glaze to his glance. As if he were trying to read them. Nomasaki sensed something about him, but his chakra appeared unfamiliar to her – however, a small fibre struck an unknown inkling for a memory she was not sure she even had. Taking her tea into her hands, she glanced at her lap in thought, trying to decipher her own sense.

Gaara did not care for the tea but was so warmed by the gesture that he declined to say otherwise. Seeing that the silence was growing, he spoke first. "We wanted to ask if the Sand Priests would allow us to use the prayer chambers for a… meditation."

"Meditation?" The monk blinked. "Forgive me, but I'm unfamiliar with this request. A meditation? Whatever for?"

"I need to meet my inner self… my dark side, so to speak," Nomasaki said, her even voice drawing their glances. "I need to strike a balance within my chakra… to regain what was lost." Feeling her face drifting into sorrow, she sipped her tea and placed it on the table with a clank. "This is an ancient place, is it not? Surely, the chakra housed within each stone of this temple might suffice." She attempted a light smile, feigning her own fears. "Of course, I wanted to ask your consent, as I'm split between the gods of my mountain and this desert."

Muso pulled himself from his tea and pondered. "Hmph!" He coughed down the hot liquid, ignoring the concerned look from his apprentice. Sighing, he leaned his head back and crossed his thin arms. "Not since the time of Bunpuku-sama had we played host to such an act… when he was connecting with Shukaku, the sand-spirit my predecessors had sealed in that accursed tea kettle."

"And now there is a need for it again," Gaara added. "Nomasaki-sama has meditated in the forests of her northern lands. Now she needs to meditate in the temple to finish her training. She must connect with her inner self… As her husband, I can't stress that enough. As a shinobi of Suna and Yama, she requests this of you."

Nomasaki blinked, her lips failing to find words as she turned to Gaara beside her. Flattered, she felt the warmth spread throughout her chest and turned back to face the pondering priest. Her face was firm like an unmoving mountain, strong against any wind that may sway her. "This is true. Please, allow me to… pray in your temple."

"Is that your request, my lady?"

Nomasaki nodded.

Exhaling all negative thoughts, Muso noticed the firm glance of the Kazekage locked upon him. Gaara was not hasty or miffed by the long pondering, but something in his ringed-eyes provoked Muso to give in. He could sense a faint linger of Shukaku upon him, and the air in the room fell cold. As if the beast were still there in the temple – lurking, watching.

"Hmm… Kazekage-sama, you seem to be firm in your stance, so I'll oblige your request." He turned to his apprentice, tired-eyed. "Brother Benkei, please show Kazekage-sama and his… er, wife to the sacred chambers. I'll be taking my leave to the main prayer chambers and preparing the rites for the recently passed."

"Yes, Muso-sama." Standing, Benkei met their visitor's faces. "Please, follow me."

The corridors were wide and sprawled with hieroglyphics of a forgotten language lost to time.

Red and gold flanked them through the weaving walls and sandstone altars. The carpet was a mosaic of purple, red, gold, and white – stretching far and wide as they followed the priest's apprentice. Aside from the odd acolyte they saw in the libraries passing by, no one else was in the temple. Some of the acolytes knelt before the secluded altars in solitude, the crowns of their bald heads kissing the sandstone as they bowed in silence for hours on end.

Sensing the familiarity of his chakra, Nomasaki decided to approach the question. "Your name is Benkei?"

"Yes," Benkei nodded. Hesitantly, he paused and met her glance. "My lady, forgive me intruding… but you knew my brother, yes?"

"Your… brother?"

Benkei nodded again, smiling slightly. Grief was there. "Sōhei, my lady. I'm his younger sibling."

She had not heard that name in ages.

Sōhei.

Her friend. Her comrade. The one who helped free her from Kenzō's clutches – and one of the many who died for her sake. It was a name that haunted her nightmares when she would awake in a cold sweat, shaking and terrified. It had been a while since she dreamt of darkness, but the reminder of her late comrade of the Tracking Unit still came to torment her even in her brightest days. And as she met Benkei's face, she saw the resemblance instantaneously. They truly were brothers.

Brothers.

Gaara knew the name well, the tracker-nin who came to warn him of a coup d'état those many years ago in the Land of Iron. The shinobi saved Nomasaki from certain death at the hands of Tojiru and Kenzō many times over their comradeship. Sōhei was a true friend to Nomasaki, and Gaara mourned his memory with her. He watched with empathy as Nomasaki spoke to the monk.

"Sōhei," Solemnly, her glance lowered to the carpeted floor. "It's… been three years since he… -,"

"I grieve my brother every day for both of his deaths," Benkei spoke, his eyes closed tight. When they opened, they were focused and calm – a monk's patience. But they, too, were averted. "He first died when that man, Kenzō, came and forced him into a masked life… when my brother took me to this temple and begged our priestly master to take me in as an acolyte. His second death was when he was killed in the line of duty… on his own terms as a shinobi." He looked to Nomasaki, drawing her widened, violet gaze. A grateful smile formed on his lips, boding no ill will. "He told me about you, how you helped free him and countless others under the tyrannical reign of Kenzō, that foul councillor. I'm glad that now I can thank you in person. It's because of you that I believe my brother can finally be at peace."

They resumed their trek down the corridor, conversing as they went about.

His words comforted her despite the sadness of Sōhei's reminder. She smiled back, hesitantly pressing further. "And you… you like being an acolyte?"

Benkei nodded. And to her, it seemed genuine. "Buddha and the desert gods put me on this earth to honour their bounties and preserve their faith. I consider it the highest honour a living man may receive. To be a Sand Priest is to be the conduit of the gods. It's what kept me from falling into the darkness my elder brother was thrust into by fate… and it was my fate to serve the desert gods."

Finally, they came to the end of their path.

Towering sandstone doors emblazoned with gold and bronze stood before them, exerting their heavenly presence amongst the blazing braziers. Nomasaki remembered the hall from her last visit, but the doors stood out as something she had never been given leave to see. The sacred chambers, as Muso had said. A dark, menacing chakra crept into the dry air. Turning, she saw where the black and bronze tea kettle sat upon its cushioned altar on the opposite wall.

Gaara saw it, too. Strangely enough, something felt as if it was pulling him closer. Calling him. "Is this the kettle of Shukaku?"

Benkei nodded, taking in the kettle with awe. "Yes, Kazekage-sama. A relic of ancient power. Just to be near it causes the very air to feel dense from its immense chakra. Can you feel it?"

"Almost as if a flicker of my own," Gaara remarked. "Shukaku and I were really one and the same, once."

Nomasaki watched as Gaara stood frozen, staring at the ancient vessel. She was unsure if it was contempt, hypnosis, or pure astonishment, but the silence as the monk unlocked the giant chamber doors was deafening. She felt the chakra tether itself to her shoulders, chilling her. And to Gaara, she wondered if Shukaku's essence was exerting its will upon him again. The beast was in the desert – free and friends with its former jinchuriki. But its prison lay in the temple, malice and hatred for its human capture emanating from the grotesquely curved kettle.

"Gaara? Are you okay?"

Hearing Nomasaki step toward him, Gaara snapped out of it. His head panged, nearly provoking a migraine. He kept his gaze toward the kettle but averted. "I'm fine… I'm fine."

Nomasaki stood behind, wide-eyed and frightened. "Gaara -,"

"The sacred chambers have not been used since the time of Bunpuku-sama," Benkei approached, unaware. "I wish you all the success and fortune while inside, my lady."

She took in the grand doors with a wave of subtle nervousness. She must face it alone. "Can't you and Kazekage-sama join me? What if… -," The words danced on her tongue. "What if something happens?"

Benkei shook his head. "No, my lady. Only one may enter, and only one may leave. But fear not! A powerful barrier ninjutsu protects the chamber from the inside. The hidden power of the sacred chambers must not be disturbed, for it is dangerously volatile." He turned to Gaara, seemingly unaware of the tension that ripped through his bones. "Kazekage-sama, won't you join me for some meditation and prayer amongst one of these fine altars?"

Gaara hesitated, eyeing the doors, the kettle, and the monk before sighing in submission. "I suppose I don't have a choice."

"Excellent! Allow me to guide you."

As Benkei descended the corridor again, Gaara started for the grand doors. Nomasaki was standing still, taking them in with controlled, easy breaths. She did not notice Gaara behind her until he was at her back, and her head whipped back in alarm to see him so close. Nerves violently buzzed about in her shoulders and fingers, causing her to tremble. It had been a while since she was so anxious, and the relapse to panic was near enough to cause her to nearly turn on her heel and start for home.

Gaara saw the anxiety in her eyes, the terror she tried to hide with a blank stare. He saw through it, as he always did. He wanted to stay, to help her through the next trial. But it was something that she must do by herself – and only herself. She had to meet herself – light or dark and strike a balance. She may not be Bunpuku or a jinchuriki, but she was incredibly strong in character and belief. It was one of the many things Gaara loved and admired about Nomasaki. She was unbreakable and unforgiving for being her own.

Sand left his small gourd on his belt, swirling around them lightly as they embraced. "You got this," Gaara whispered. "I'll see you on the other side."

She met his face only momentarily before he disappeared with his sand. She smiled lightly, nodding her head as Gaara turned to glimmering sands and floated far down the confines of the corridor. Gone. Her smile faded as she once more took in the sight of the massive, towering gold and bronze doors. They were the most intimidating doors she had ever seen. And to her, they might as well have been the doors to hell.

"Breath in, exhale slow," She said under her breath, forcing her legs forward. "Breathe, exhale…"

A thunderous clangour sounded as they sealed shut behind her.

The sound made her flinch, hastening her steps inside. The ceiling was higher than she thought, its white mosaic painting what looked like the heavens. An overwhelming void of emptiness was within every direction of her sight. Wherever she looked, all was lost within a white haze. The room was larger than it appeared to be from the outside, and the knowledge of it struck Nomasaki's instincts. She blinked rapidly about the emptiness, scanning for signs of difference or life.

Is it ninjutsu – or even genjutsu? Or is this the natural power of the Sand Priests and their religion?

She saw it – a single glimmer of black strewn against a white canvas.

Hopeful, she carefully paced herself and approached the shape in the distance. Her footsteps clapped against the ancient sandstone, echoing like thunder against the mosaic walls that were now invisible to her. She did not care if it was a trap. She only cared now to get out. Her pace fastened, her heart pounding as the shape took form the closer she grew. Shocked, she paused to find that the black shape was a dead tree. It stood at the front of an abandoned pool of what used to be a vibrant, colourful, and nourishing oasis. What she saw now was death, desolation, and hopelessness.

A tree?

She examined the branches from below, realizing their nature.

An ash tree… Why an ash?

It was not a palm like those in the desert. It was a tree of the forest – of her forest. Its bark appeared to have been burnt long ago by some great fire, and its brittle and dead branches were pathetically stretched to the heavens for sunlight that would never come. The sight saddened her, nearly making her question why she was suddenly so emotional over a tree she had never known. But she knew all living things – her Kekkei Genkai gave her that gift. She sensed the life of every animal, every plant – every breath that was taken. And seeing the ash tree so devoid of its nature struck her heart. She felt as if she were grieving the passing of someone she had never met.

The water rippled, drawing her attention. In the lake's centre was an island of sand poking out from the clear water. She remembered Naruto's words when they last met in Konoha during the summer's end. When he told her about meeting his dark side under the waterfall.

"We were at this waterfall, and when I meditated for a bit, I opened my eyes and saw myself staring back at me… only it wasn't me. It was my dark side. When I met my dark side, I was looking back into a mirror, a reflection of what I almost became if I hadn't met Iruka-sensei and everyone else… but I overcame him by accepting it and joining as one – and I was a stronger shinobi since then."

His words were vague, cursing herself internally for not writing to him since. But it gave her a start. She looked up at the dead ash tree again, the weight in her chest growing heavy. She longed to feel her blood boil, her coarse, white fur swim against the harsh mountain winds, and to howl to her kin on a moonlit night. This is where I make my move… This is why I came here… to regain what I lost. She resigned herself and sat at its base. Folding her legs and resting her back against its charred, black bark, she took a deep breath and exhaled long as her hands rested tensely on her knees.

Nomasaki closed her eyes.

She breathed in and breathed out in deep focus, allowing her body and mind to meditate as the old desert gods would permit. Anxiety festered in her heart, but as the hour grew, her fear had subsided, and her trance had grown its deepest. Her arms relaxed, her breath was long and slow, and her chest was no longer seized with dread. She was calm – she was one with the tree.

And she became one with the water as a ripple faintly sounded, breaking her focus.

Her eyes snapped open as she felt someone staring. Taking her back from the blackened trunk, there was no one. Caution screamed at her, her instincts flaring in her mind. She stood and brought herself to look beyond the tree. Her fingers dug into its grey bark as she moved alongside it, peering into the blank void. A certain fear struck her, and her breath turned cold, dancing into vapour.

I swear I thought I heard someone… or something. "Who are you? Show yourself!"

A low, husky laugh sang its way to her ears.

The sound struck her, causing her to turn back on guard. Her nails clawed the bark, and Nomasaki almost gasped aloud at what she saw. In the distance was a person – clothed in her blue and black dress, had her violet eyes and golden hair, her petite stature, and her face. She was beautiful, and she was terrible. The woman approached slowly, the water thrashing at her feet as she strode forward. As Nomasaki stared further, she saw that the woman's sclera was black as darkness itself.

It was an apparition.

Her dark side had emerged.

Nomasaki took a breath to quell her emotions and stepped away from the tree, meeting the apparition on the opposite side of the oasis pond. This thing… This woman… is me.

"Well, well, well… I was wondering when you were going to show up." The apparition purred. "It's been a while since I saw you last… when you still toyed with that darkness in your heart. Still got that tail between your legs?"

Nomasaki clenched her fists in her sleeves, eyeing the apparition in contempt. "You're -!"

"You. And you are me." The apparition sneered, amused by her evident frustration. "You and I are one and the same… We are two sides of the same coin. One cannot live without the other… ebb and flow, life and death." She grinned, her terrible fangs poking out from her ruby lips. "You got that look of fear in your eyes again… You're such a coward, Nomasaki! Look at you – your hands are trembling as we speak. Playing housewife made you soft, it seems."

"I'm no housewife!" Nomasaki barked, barring her fangs back. "And I'm not a coward either!"

The apparition sighed, clapping her clawed hands together. "There's that anger we missed! You should learn to bear your fangs more. Humans listen better that way… You, of all people, should know." She put her fist under her chin, watching Nomasaki attempt to thwart her bestial temper. "You can't tell me you don't relish in the fear of humans. They called our clan cursed… treated us like vermin they wanted destroyed! They didn't even give mother a funeral… all because of the blood that flows in our veins! Humans hate us. We are beasts, after all. We relish in the hunt of such prey, don't we all?"

"We don't hunt humans… -,"

"I do – and the chase is so dull! Dreadfully dull if I don't say so myself. However…" The apparition licked her lips, her white fangs gleaming in the void. "The taste of their flesh on my lips drives me feral! The sweet scent of blood, the crunch of bone… it awakens a thirst in me that's near insatiable. It's what they deserve… for what they did to our people – the proud and revered clan of the Yamamori. All because they feared us for being blessed with the blood of a beast… they cursed us into being monsters."

"That's forbidden!" Nomasaki shot back. "Those who taste the flesh of a human and enjoy it are -,"

The apparition scoffed. "Banished, cannibals – whatever. The clan wouldn't dare stop me if they tried. They want to do it… but they're scared. We are beasts, so all is our prey. We are the hunters, and humans are the hunted."

Nomasaki quivered. It was not anger or fear but pity. Her eyes glistened with forming tears, and she blinked them away in haste. She pondered beside herself. "What could have made you this way…? If you are me, then… -," A thought entered, and she went cold. She looked up, meeting the apparition's eerie violet eyes. "You chose revenge, didn't you?"

The apparition howled a terrible laugh, echoing throughout the void. "Revenge? Oh, no – I chose vengeance!" Her voice snarled, her fangs growing larger and sharper with each heave of angered breath. "Humans are all the same! Dumb, arrogant, and a cancer to this very earth on which we live! They hunted all the great wolves of the forest to extinction out of fear that they cannot understand, and they allowed our people to die off!" She fumed. "…They allowed us to suffer. They burned down our village, raped the women, slaughtered the children… all because they wanted us – our power – to disappear. If one does not seek retribution for those who have wronged them, then they are truly weak! I will not rest until every last one of my enemies falls dead between my jaws!"

Her rage was palpable, formidable.

Wind violently swept the water, the power of the apparition filling the void.

Golden strands whipped her face as Nomasaki met the darkened eyes of her dark self in horror. That's me… if I didn't change my path, Nomasaki realized. Her heart grew heavy in her chest, propelling her to reach out – do something. "But what happens when they're all gone?" She shouted back, the water splashing underfoot as she stepped closer. "When all our enemies are dead, what purpose do we have left? To live a life in solitude? To waste away – as if we ourselves were killed in the process? Is that what you envision as your 'vengeance'?"

"You never learned a single thing from Hanone… He knew the right of it -,"

"Don't you dare spit his name!" Nomasaki caused the winds to turn in her favour, the name sitting like ash on her tongue. "Hanone hated humans but knew the costs! He knew all we could do was survive!" She glared, snarling through her gnashed fangs. "Don't you dare twist his words!"

"Oh? There's that rage I've been waiting for!" The apparition stood strong and unmoving, the winds swirling around her. "Come – let me show you your true nature!"

"No!" Nomasaki met her stance in equal measure, refusing to bow down to the winds that threatened to whisk her away into nothingness. A dark, powerful aura bore its weight upon her, suffocating her senses and drawing her breath. "I will not bend!"

The apparition drew her right foot back, losing her dominance. She gnashed her vicious, fanged teeth, eyeing Nomasaki with murderous contempt. "My will is stronger than yours! Yours is nothing compared to my own!"

The winds blasted against her.

Her dress fluttered against her pants, and her hair swam violently across her face, blinding her. A feeling of fear and dread suddenly came upon her, and Nomasaki breathed it out as hastily as she could.

The air felt dead – cold.

Nomasaki's arms were kicked, pushing her backward and splashing the water. The apparition had struck first with ferocity and vengeance. Hatred and rage were seething from its eerie red and black eyes, boring through her gaze as if to kill. Nomasaki held firm. She flew her closed fist, but the apparition blocked the attack, and when Nomasaki went to land a kick, her apparition did the same with the opposite foot.

It was as if they were mirrored.

Nomasaki gnashed her fanged teeth, trying all her might to force back the darkened shade.

"What's wrong?" Her dark side taunted. "Had enough already? You're weak!"

Her heel edged deep into the mud of the pond, and she held the apparition back with as much strength as she could muster. Her arms began to ache, and she felt her footing slip backward inch by inch. Even as her beast blood boiled and simmered, she was no match for herself. Emotions swirled, trembling her barred lips. "I know why you feel this way… You're still hurting after all this time has passed…" Nomasaki spat, catching the glint of the shade's bewildered glare. Hurt and anguish rushed to her throat, threatening to break into sobs. Her heart ached. She met her dark side with utmost empathy, nearly weeping for her. "All we ever knew was loss, the loss of our family… our loved ones, our clan… I buried it all within me… all the pain, the suffering, the fear… but it never truly went away. I thought I could push it far beneath myself and rise above, forging onward as a shinobi by the book, but…" She choked back a sob, tears gleaming in her violet eyes as she met the wide-eyed stare of the darkness. "By doing that, I lost a part of myself, and I don't know when I'll get it back. Maybe I never will…"

"What are you saying?" The apparition fumed, shaking. "You're trying to trick me!"

Nomasaki shook her head, fighting against the winds with grit and poise. "You've fooled yourself. You need to face your past and accept it, and move on. How can there be a future if you're pretending there is none? You must let go!"

"Cowardly mutt! How dare you speak to me using that tongue!" The apparition seethed, roaring into the violent winds that swirled. "You're more half-breed than I thought! It must come from that wretched bastard of a father you painstakingly forgave on the battlefield – all because some tanuki-eyed freak asked you to reconsider your destiny! You're pathetic!" Snarling, the darkness exerted its will, attempting to force back the she-wolf that held it at bay. "That man you called 'father' is a prime example of treacherous humans! He abandoned us and our mother because he was ashamed he sired a pup with a wolf! And that tanuki… the way you cling to him is abhorrent at best -,"

Nomasaki struck the apparition under the chin with her fist, cracking her foul head back.

The apparition wailed and flew with fangs and claws drawn, but Nomasaki struck her again with a solid kick to her ribs and a punch to the throat. Coughing, the apparition shook in rage – and Nomasaki swore she heard her weeping. "You're the one who's abhorrent!" Nomasaki stood firm, glaring down at her. "And you're inside my mind, so kneel for mercy… or else I'll finish you!"

"You foul bitch!" The apparition scrambled to stand, rage overcoming her thinking. "I'll kill you!"

And it was at that moment that Nomasaki opened her mind's eye.

She opened her heart – her soul – to show her dark self all she had seen. She felt the apparition's invisible claws strike her psyche, and she let them in. As she trained with Shijima, she breathed in a calm air. Allowing herself to become one with her memories – to be at peace. To show the apparition what exactly lurked behind the shield of her violet eyes.

The apparition tensed, flinching back as images of happy memories flooded her dark eyes. Team Hashira sharing jokes and dango, Nomasaki reunited with her father and living in Yamagakure with her people, falling in love with Gaara, drinking sake with her many friends, and spending time with her infant son and daughter – Kyōkurō and Setsuka. Taken aback, the apparition tightly shut her eyes and violently shook her head back and forth, prying her clawed hands to her gold head. She felt the warmth and the happiness that emanated from each thought, pushing her to weep. Tears flowed from her shut eyes, running down her cold, dead cheeks. She fell to her knees in the water, shivering.

"What are you doing?!" She cried out in disbelief. "All these -! Memories -?"

"Forgiving my father gave me the strength to learn to forge my own path," Nomasaki spoke, standing firm and calm. "And to learn to forgive myself." She averted her sympathetic glance, sensing the pain from the shade's wails. She was nearly moved to tears, too. "It may not seem it, but I love you – us. We grew together through all the pain and misery of this cruel world, yet we persevered. Together, we are strong." She stepped forward, the water splashing against her ankles. "The sand priests say that light and dark need to exist together in the universe, or else there would be no order… I want to exist with you, for you are a part of me whether you are within the light or the darkness." Nomasaki extended a caring hand. "Please, take my hand. I need you."

Frantically, the apparition eyed the hand and Nomasaki's glowing face. She hesitated to reach out but ultimately drew her hands away into her chest. "No! I will not! I hate all humans! I must destroy them! I must destroy all of them -!"

Nomasaki fell to her knees, taking her other self in her arms.

The apparition froze. Wide-eyed, she saw that Nomasaki was holding her out of love. Perplexed by the unfamiliar gesture, she was unsure if she should have been honoured or enraged. She shook under her hold, emotions bubbling up to the surface like the boiling of her blood. "You… blasted she-wolf… You …-!"

"We will be whole once again…" Nomasaki spoke, her voice soft and comforting. Tears swam in her eyes – grateful, even. "Thank you for being so strong for all these years. I've always admired that part of you… of us…"

The shivering stopped.

Warmth overcame the apparition, and her rage and need for vengeance soon melted away. The winds ceased, the void turned bright again, and the water of the pond stilled. A smile cracked upon her ruby lips, her fangs receding. "You fooled me… damn you…" Slowly, she returned the embrace, holding Nomasaki close. "But I guess this is for the best…"

And your hug is so warm… it makes me feel… safe.

Under the light of the void, a single green leaf sprouted from one of the tree's dead branches.

Opening her eyes, Nomasaki was knelt in a massive prayer room covered in ornate mosaics of the desert gods. Gold and red painted her vision – with no trace of white or the ash tree anywhere in sight. All that remained the same were the grand doors that locked her in the sacred chambers.

Eyeing the doors in the distance with her hands clapped together in prayer, a smile choked on her lips as the sobs soon swam to her throat. Her shoulders shook, her nose sniffled, but her heart felt light and full of warmth – of hope. And it was then that she realized – she loved herself. She loved herself for who she was and what she would become. Given all faults and obstacles, she still loved herself. Nomasaki loved herself for everything she was – whether it be beast, mother, or shinobi. Tears of joy ran down her cheeks, and the beast blood that pumped through her veins simmered. She could feel her chakra mould and twist into what it wanted, what it desired.

To be a wolf again.

She had overcome the obstacle of herself.

And now all that was left was to complete the ancient ritual.

Notes: The name Sana chooses for the bear, Kuro (黒), literally means the colour black.

Nomasaki meeting and confronting her darkside was inspired by the mini-boss fight of Shadow Link in Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time for the Nintendo 64 (1998). An ash tree was chosen as the conduit for her visions because ash trees, in mythology, were used as symbols of healing, magic, and life, particularly in Celtic and Norse mythologies and religions.