When I started to come out of my flash back I had to work on my breathing, every time I thought about my life before leaving or what caused me to leave it always sent me into panic attacks. I tried to keep these from Edward, but sometimes only holding him tight was the only thing that helped. The thought of Edward then started to calm me down, I was going to pick him up shortly and I didn't want him to see me like this. I didn't want to worry or upset him by him seeing me upset, I tried my best to hide these type of things away from him but it wasn't always possible. Edward was such a sweet soul as soon as he sensed I was upset in any way he pulled me into a tight hug and wouldn't let go until he thought that I was ok.
The thought of Edward made me look towards the nursery and I saw that they had already gone back inside, which made me nod. I knew he was safe with the nursey staff, but if I sensed anything out of turn I would be there in a matter of seconds to make sure my little boy was ok.
As I looked away from the nursery I froze in instant shock at the sight before me. Evie was walking through the park a short distance away and she was about to walk past me. By the looks of it she had been shopping as her arms were full of bags, but I could also tell that she was here for business as I saw the very familiar bags in her hands that held the 'Evie4Hearts' symbol.
I continued to panic as she walked closer to me, of course she would not recognise me as I was under my disguise but I really didn't want to take any chances. Evie knew me well enough to know I acted and moved to question who I am, yes I know that this may be unlikely given the determined look that was on her face she did look distracted. But I really didn't want to leave this to chance. I had worked far too hard to ensure mine and mostly Edward's safety for everything to become undone like this.
I took a couple breaths to steady myself as I started to feel bad about what I was about to do. I needed to leave, I would need to be at Edward's nursery soon. I always liked to arrive sooner so I could wait for him to finish, with this in mind I stood up and started to walk towards Evie as this was in the direction towards Edward's nursery. But the closer I came to Evie my chest started to constrict with panic and my breathing started to heave, I saw Evie throw me a glance before continuing to look forward and this made my mouth go dry. As I got next to her I attempted to quickly walk past her however given my current panic I end up moving too quickly, and I toppled slightly and knocked into Evie which made her drop some of her bags.
"Oh!" she stated in shock as she looked over to me. My chest tightened at this, and I gasped. In an attempt to try and make better of this situation rather than running away to make her suspicious I quickly bent down and started to pick up what shopping and bags she had dropped.
"Sorry E" I apologised automatically before I could stop myself as she also bent down to help me.
"Sorry?" I heard her say which made my whole body freeze. I had really done it now! No one else called Evie 'E' apart from me. And she knew this, of course she knew this! My chest heaved once more as we shared a glance as I watched as Evie pulled one brow up in confusion as she slowly looked up and down my face. I watched as something changed in her dark brown eyes before they opened wide in shock which made me gulp.
"Mal?" she said slowly as she looked up and down my face quickly this time. My eyes flew open in shock at this and I quickly turned and ran away from her. I heard her continue to call my name as I ran into the nearby forest and I kept running. I kept running as if my life depended on it, I knew how this might look to Evie. Me running away like this but she didn't know what I was currently dealing with, yes this wasn't her fault. And I knew that this day would come one day but I wasn't ready right now! I couldn't come to face with what happened, and I started to mentally kick myself at the fact that I was now hurting Evie further by leaving like this.
When I thought I was a decent way into the forest I stopped running and I threw myself behind a large oak tree that was next to a pond. I started to work on calming my breathing down, and as I did this I listened and hoped that Evie had just following me into the forest. A stupid thought I knew, of course she would follow me, I just hoped that she had gone in a different direction.
After standing for a few minutes calming my breathing and listening to all around me I started to think I may have been able to get away. However when I went to push away from the tree I heard a voice calling out to me, which made me stand very still.
"I know you are around here somewhere M!" Evie shouted, which echoed around the forest. "I'm not leaving until we talk!" she told me which made my breathing start to hitch again. "M come on!" she called as I noted that her voice was getting louder which told me that she was getting closer to me. "Whatever is going on we can work through it!" she offered. "Please just talk to me!" she begged. "Everything is going to be ok" she attempted to promise. "I promise" she finished and I her footsteps stand still which told me that she was very close to the pond and the tree that I was currently hiding behind.
I hung my head down as I continued to calm myself down but it felt useless. I couldn't calm down! Evie had found me! I really didn't know what to think right now, yes I understood that Evie would want to talk to me after all this time. She would want to know the reasoning why I had just left all of their lives, I knew this and expected this when this time came. But knowing this and going through this was a different thing. Now that Evie had found me this meant that everything was finally going to come out, and I really didn't want that right now. The risk to me and Edward was too great! But saying that the risk has always been too great, and this was something that I always struggled with.
Part of me wanted to teleport out of here but something was keeping me rooted to the spot, the fact that I was close to Evie was calming me. I shuddered as I continued to fight with myself on what to do, when I spoke to Evie I knew that Ben would find out. Yes ultimately this wasn't the end of the world, but in my own way I was trying to protect him. Yes I had hurt him but things could be worse for him and I didn't whether I could hurt him any more than I already had done. I hated what this situation had done to everyone involved, I would say I wished that it never happened but then I wouldn't have Edward. Edward was the only good thing about everything right now, and he had to be my priority. As Evie's words continued to echo around my mind I struggled with what to do. I really hated being in this situation and I saw no way out - no matter what Evie promised me.