When I was a child, I'd sit for hours
Staring into open flame
Something in it had a power
Could barely tear my eyes away
Arsonist Lullabye / Hozier
J's eyes threatened to close; the ticking of the clock on the wall above her seat was the only sound in the room. The good doctor was late. And without her, the white room was practically a sedative to him. He jerked his eyes open and gave his body a quick shake with a growl. With nothing to do and nothing to occupy his attention, he feared he would become lazy, slower. He mentally moved his timetables up; Tim would have to wait; he needed to flex his muscles now. J tilted his head, eyes on the paneled ceiling of the room, with a smirk when Dr. Quinzel made her entrance.
"Hello, Mr. J I believe today we should start with a few preliminary questions regarding your emotional state. To begin, I would like you to just let me know how strongly you agree or disagree with each statement. Is that alright?"
J's eyes snapped open but remained locked on the ceiling. So terse.
His eyes snapped open and then to her own blue eyes, a cold warning in them. A warning J didn't understand until his eyes flashed upward. To the newly blonde locks piled on the good doctor's head- the frizz and light yellow tint telling him it was freshly bleached. His eyes flashed back to hers, her eyebrows carrying a deceptively innocent tilt as her eyes balefully stared him down- her lips flattened, and her chin lifted, with a bone-deep, world-weary kind of pride J knew was strained this morning.
Beautiful.
His lips lifted back into a smirk, and he looked to the side, pulling a face before nodding. "Proceed."
"Alright, thank you. Let's start with 'I often feel an overwhelming surge of anger that I can't control.'. J, would you say you agree or disagree."
"Define 'often'?"
"I'll write 'agree.'"
Dr. Quinzel's free hand came up, cradling her forehead as she wrote. "Okay, so next up we have, 'My thoughts race so fast that I can't keep up with them.' How do we feel about that one?"
J's mouth puckered as he scowled, not enjoying his new favorite playmate's sudden seriousness. "Nah, I'm a pretty quick guy," he said without humor.
"Disagree then, fantastic." She tapped her foot. "Next is 'I feel an intense euphoria or elevated mood for no apparent reason.'"
J leaned back with a sour expression. "Oh, I don't know, Doc, the world is a beautiful place- plenty of reasons to be euphoric."
The Doctor snorted, shaking her head, but J smirked, realizing her terrible mood wasn't entirely his fault- or at least, and more likely, that if it was, she wasn't beyond forgiving him for the sour mood.
"Can I say I like it?"
"No." her answer was swift and with a glare. "I don't want to talk about it."
"Okay," His hands came up in surrender, and he smirked lightly as she did, tilting his head just so.
Dr. Quinzel stared balefully again, but a twitch on the left of her lips let J know he hadn't crossed any boundaries yet. "Mr. J, may we finish the survey, please?"
He squinted at her again, leaning forward, "Well, Uh- since you said 'please.'" He smiled, and the Doctor shook her head and read him the next question, but there was a smile playing on her lips. "'I feel the urge to act impulsively without thinking about the consequences,' agree or disagree, Mr. J?"
He seemed to consider before shaking his head. "Nope." with a grin.
Pamela needed her best friend- she didn't even know where to begin, but she needed to talk about this situation with her boss- preferably before she went on a sudden shady "business trip" with him to Metropolis. She needed Harley's opinion- she would know what to do. Harley was so good at reading people- she would ease all of Pam's worries about Dr. Jason Woodrue, her boss, and Paradise Meadows. More than anything, right now, Pam needed to hear that everything was going to be okay.
She stood in the piss-soaked elevator of Harley's apartment, wondering again why she didn't move uptown now that she could afford it. She holds a brown paper bag with two pints of ice cream and A bottle of tequila- she was hoping Harley would have limes. She stepped out of the elevator, turning to see a familiar figure in the hallway in front of Harley's apartment.
"Oh! I'm sorry, Pam, I should have called, I knew I should have called, I Just thought- be spontaneous! But, yeah- I should have checked if she-"
"Jack." Pam held up a hand with wide eyes as the nervous man rambled. "Breathe, please, you're going to give yourself wrinkles; I didn't call either. No one does, really. If you call, Harley is always busy." Pam shrugged. "Kinda just gotta show up." She stepped forward, rapping her knuckles on the door several times in quick succession as Jack whispered and shouted at her to stop.
The door swung open and there stood Harley, digging into her tiny pink furry clutch, wearing a tattered oversized grey T-shirt and black shorts with bleach stains- most appallingly, her hair wrapped up into a plastic shower cap with white paste covering her scalp. "Thanks, Jake, you can keep the Chan-" She finally glanced up, seeing them standing there in the hall.
"You aren't the Pizza Delivery boy,"
Pam's eyes were wide, taking in the look- Particularly the blonde hair beneath the cap, counting back to the last time she saw her friend with her hair lightened.
"Oh, are you going blonde again?" Jack asked with a playful smile. "I thought it made you look too young?"
"Well, drunk me decided that I was going to be blonde- so I'm just getting the brassiness out. This morning was terrible. I woke up late for work and had to go in with frizzy banana yellow hair." Harley laughed lightly, moving to the side to invite them in. Pam continued watching Harley with troubled eyes as they entered the apartment to see where Harley had cuddled up on the couch with a bottle of gin and a pack of Newports. The smoke in the room was thick enough to choke her, but she held that back. Jack seemed blinded by his affection for Harley to see the signs in the room, smelling only her perfume or perhaps thinking the menthol clouds gave her an air of mystery rather than the truth of the stress it represented.
"Is that Ice Cream?" Harley asked, pointing at the bag in Pam's grasp.
Pam nodded and opened it, Showing it contained two pints from the anime-themed place near her apartment.
Harley's nose wrinkled briefly, "Ugh, I hate those rich guppies. Can't understand a word they say most of the time, but dear god, Harem Hero." Harley reached for her pint. "Hey, this shit is yellow. Where are the peanut butter cups?"
"They were out, I got you the lemon cookie one." Pam shrugged, still studying Harley, distracted.
"Eh, Tsundere Tang isn't really my thing, but I'm craving sugar." Harley shrugged, pulling the pint from the bag, "Ooh, and Tequila, Red, you shouldn't have." Harley pulled the short bottle out and leaned in to kiss her cheek before turning and walking to her kitchen, "I don't have any limes, but we have some margarita salt, and I think I have some sunny D, so we can just do it like we did in college, you don't mind, right Jack?"
"Uh- wait- are we doing shots on a Wednesday night?"
"Yeah, why?" Harley seemed genuine in the question.
"I- Well-" Jack blinked. "Okay, yeah, I could go for a shot."
Pam followed Harley into the kitchen, watching her work from behind as she got down chips and dip and a package of Oreos, as well as the tequila and shot glasses. "Should I make some popcorn, too, or do you think this is enough?" She stood aside, showing off the piled-high platter.
"Harley, Listen."
"Screw it, I'll make the popcorn; Jack never stops eating; it's not like it will go to waste."
"Harley, this isn't going to go-"
"But then, with the ice cream you brought, we've got sweet snacks, right? I don't know. I have snack cakes, too, but those are for when I get weepy when I drink- though I don't mind sharing."
"Harley-"
"I don't want to talk about it, Pam." The whisper was cutting and hushed. "I had a bad day, Okay? That's all."
At that moment, Pam realized she couldn't bring up work tonight. Harley was going through something. Pam wasn't sure what, but a lifetime of being her bestfriend told her Harley didn't need something else on her plate right now. Pam wasn't sure what it was Harley needed, but Pam figured starting with a relaxing night in with her best friend wasn't a bad place to start.
"Whoa, calm down, Harl, I wasn't gonna pry; I just wanted to let you know I have a business trip coming up after Halloween, so if I'm MIA for a bit, don't be concerned."
Harley's eyes swung away from the tray in front of her as she turned to face Pam, a small amount of horror in her eyes. "You're leaving? What? When?" her voice was quiet and calm but came too quickly, a tell that Pam had come to recognize as meaning her friend was reaching a breaking point.
"Don't worry, we still have weeks until Halloween, and I don't leave for the trip until mid-November. And anyway, you know I'm always a call away." Her voice was intended to be soothing, but she could tell it did nothing for the woman, who just nodded absentmindedly before a hand came up to softly scratch along her cheekbone. Harley's eyes remained locked on her, a blank wall of impenetrable nothingness that led many in their early years to think Harley was a dumb blonde. A kind of faraway look in her eyes saved only for stressful moments, a look that Pam knew was hiding the calculations she was making.
Just then, the Front buzzer sounded, and Harley's big blue eyes, showing only an iota of genuine vulnerability, more than most anyone who ever met her would ever see- flashed to the door before returning to Pam- Suddenly, that wall dashed, as she looked at Pam. Pam wanted nothing more than to shake her friend's shoulders and demand to know what had her, so… Pam didn't even want to think the words- it was so decidedly UN-Harley.
But so many of the emotions reflecting in her best friend's eyes were unlike anything she had seen in them before, a swirling mass of black clouds, yet those thoughts did nothing to obscure the bright ice blue of her eyes staring into Pam.
"I think that Jake the Pizza guy. Did you get enough to share?" Pam said suddenly, putting her hand on her hip and leaning on the counter suddenly, aiming for casual.
Harley smiled thankfully, "If you got sharing money- that was gonna be my dinner a couple nights this week." She turned back, facing the tray with shaking hands.
"Cool, I'll let him in." Pam tossed over her shoulder, intent on making the evening go swimmingly, and maybe by the end of the night, Harley would be able to relax.