Gwenpool sat in Professor X's office, cheerful as always, wondering why Professor X called her in.
Gwenpool: Heyo Professor X, what's happening brotha?
Professor X just frowned at her.
Professor X: ah yes, Gwenpool, the superhero that everyone on 4chan goes wild for.
Gwenpool: What did you wanna see me for, homeskillet?
Professor X: So, how can I put this delicately... you're fired
Gwenpool: Wait what?
Professor X: You want me to say it again? You're fucking fired, goodbye
Gwenpool: But I've done a lot of good for this team
Professor X: Really, what are your powers?
Gwenpool: I've got an encyclopedic knowledge on comic books
Professor X: Yes, very impressive. I suppose if we're ever fighting Kevin Smith in the back of a convenience store, your power will be very useful
Gwenpool: My knowledge on comics means that I know basically everyone's secrets.
Professor X: So what you're telling me is that you've got all the power of a video game journalist, real threatening
Gwenpool: Well that's not really-
Professor X: This is your power
Professor X: "DURRR, I'M JUGGERNAUT AND I CAN SMASH CITIES ON MAH OWN, BUT OH NO WATCH OUT, THAT AMY ROSE COSPLAYER IS GOING TO TELL EVERYONE MAH BROWSING HISTORY! NOW I GUESS AH'M DEFEATED"
Gwen just stood there, silent for a minute. She then reached into her backpack and pulled out her Katanas.
Gwenpool: I've also got these too
Professor X: Great, I suppose if I need someone to cut the cake at Cyclops birthday party, I know who to call.
Gwenpool: But they're really really sharp
Professor X: You know what else is really sharp?
Gwenpool: What?
Professor X: Not your response, that's for sure.
Gwen just sadly put her swords back in her backpack.
Gwenpool: I'm a very important member of the team
Professor X: Yes, that's when you're on the team in the first place and not going off to who knows where to find out how to get yourself more screentime
Gwenpool: But how do I get myself more screentime though?
Professor X just sighed and rubbed his temples at that statement
Professor X: Why's your name even Gwenpool anyways?"
Gwenpool: My real name is actually Gwendolyn Poole and-
Professor X: So you just combined your first name and your last name? Real original, why don't we just do that with all the X-Men, like how we call Jean Grey, JeGr, or Kitty Pryde, Kitpry"
Gwenpool: Well I didn't-
Professor X: Did you name yourself?
Gwenpool: No, actually my tailor gave me this name
Professor X: Next time you see her, tell her she's fired too
Gwenpool: That's hurtful
Professor X: No, what's hurtful is your costume. You look like Lisa Frank had sex with Hello Kitty and gave birth to an inbred abomination
Gwenpool: Well that's not really-
Professor X: You look like Kirby swallowed Steven Universe, swished him around like mouthwash, and then spat him directly into Pinkie Pie's taint
Gwenpool: This is getting oddly personal
Professor X: You look like Patrick Star took a shit on Majin Buu and threw up on Porky Pig afterwards.
Gwenpool: You know I can also break the 4th wall
Professor X: Great, so you've got the power of Ferris Bueller. You have the power of getting arrested for manslaughter, I bet the villains are just shaking in their boots as we speak."
Gwenpool: Breaking the 4th wall can be very useful in certain situations
Professor X: Oh really? Well let me try that then.
Professor X is now staring at you, the person reading this fanfic with the most judgmental stare anyone can muster.
Professor X: Hey, if you're reading this fanfic right now, I just want to let you know that you're fired too. You are somehow more worthless to this team than Gwen and that's saying something
Professor X then stares back at Gwen.
Professor X: Now how much do you think that accomplished?
Gwenpool: I think breaking the 4th wall goes a bit deeper than-
Professor X: Any other powers you'd like to brag about?
Gwenpool: I sell a lot of merchandise in Japan
Professor X: Maybe you could use your 4th wall breaking to read your own comic and see just how incredibly lame you are because unless the X-Men are forced to play video games with D'arby, or we're asked to be on a special episode of the Office, you are worthless to this team and that is why you're fired.
Gwen just got up from her chair and smirked at the professor.
Gwenpool: Well the joke's on you, I was never even a mutant to begin with! You got played!
Professor X: Oh you think I don't know that? Did you forget that I'm a telepath or was your one working brain cell on vacation?"
Gwenpool: Well I uhhh-
Professor X: Normally I'd kill you with my mind, but I feel like I'd be killing an autistic cast member of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but I suppose if the X-Men are ever challenged to a trivia battle by the Eltingville Club, or we're forced into a session of the Neopets Trading Card game by Control Freak, or we're pressured into playing a video game tournament against Scott Pilgrim, I'll call you."
Gwenpool: Really?
Professor X: No
The fangirl just turned around and began to leave the room.
Professor X: Where you going Gwen? You gonna go and kill some vampires?"
Gwen didn't bother saying anything
Professor X: Also put some pants on, this is a school for gifted youngsters, not an audition to be on the cover of the next Darkstalkers game
Gwen just continued walking away
Professor X: Hey Gwen, you wanna see my katanas?
Gwen just looks back as Professor X flashes her two middle fingers
Professor X: I'm gonna turn you into sushi while putting your credit card information online, that's what you sound like.