Friday, 20:37. NERV HQ Command Center
"...Therefore my proposal is that we destroy the MAGI system."
She had half expected it, but she still felt a freezing chill in her stomach at Misato's words. Ritsuko's voice was strained heavily with irritation as she answered.
"Impossible. Destroying the MAGI is tantamount to abandoning HQ."
Misato turned to Ritsuko, the motion carrying a subtle whiff of alcohol with it. She had come straight from the Operations Department party that was commemorating her recent promotion, and it showed. "Then as the head of the Operations Department, I officially request it."
And what difference would it make? Ritsuko wanted to ask. That was the kind of thing people said in the military or similar bureaucratic apparatuses, where one party would declare, 'I warned you, and I will not go down with you fools if this thing goes south'. Usually, that rhetoric might work as a shock tactic and manage to save the speaker's ass. But not here. They didn't have anyone to inspect the logs and find someone to blame. Postmortem exams weren't a thing here. Within NERV, heads would roll, because failure meant the death of the whole of humanity, a fate much worse than suited-up men from inspection bodies running amok.
Ritsuko wasted no time in rebuking her.
"I reject it. This problem is the Tech Department's to solve."
"Why are you being so stubborn?!"
Misato's reaction was completely out of place for an emergency meeting that involved both the Commander and the Vice Commander, but Ritsuko wasn't the least bit surprised. After all, this was not a proper bureaucracy or military. Especially more so for Ritsuko, who had been around to experience the twilight of the GEHIRN days. The newer members, like Maya for example, who made up the overwhelming majority of NERV, might feel differently, but still.
"Because it's my mistake. I should be the one who fixes it."
Misato narrowed her eyes. A silence fell. Neither Gendo nor Fuyutsuki nor any of the others gathered nearby spoke, their eyes all fixed on the bright briefing table. Only Maya, clutching her clipboard like a shield, was acknowledging the situation, openly nervous.
Am I sounding unreasonable?
She probably was. It did sound like a line from a period piece made in the Showa era. Ritsuko couldn't imagine herself accepting such logic if it came from someone else in a similar situation.
It didn't matter anyway. Ritsuko had other reasons for being stubborn, and the only person she needed to convince here would take her side anyway, though his reasoning would be different from hers.
And she did have a way to destroy this 'digital' Angel while saving the physical MAGI system itself.
Same day, 19:11. Building B, NERV HQ
"What? What the hell is this 'autopilot system' that I have to get naked?!"
Asuka's voice was shrill with anger. The LED light under the CCTV camera glowed red, indicating that the speaker was on. The next moment Akagi's toneless voice rang through the room.
"The purpose of this test is to attempt harmonics without the aid of the plugsuit and neural connectors. Our technology is advancing even as we speak, and we need to gather all the information we can."
And what the hell does entering an entry plug butt naked have to do with this 'autopilot' thing? Asuka might have asked, but she didn't. She was completely exhausted, both physically and mentally. She quite literally didn't have the stamina to go on a long rant against an adult who wasn't going to listen to her anyway. That's why she ripped off her freshly changed bra, giving up the debate.
An air shower awaited her as soon as she exited the locker room, as if to test Asuka's already thin patience. It was when she pushed through all of it and stepped out into the opposite hallway that she saw Shinji.
Asuka had already returned to the HQ pyramid and was briefed about today's test by the time Shinji arrived at the Geofront. Even before seeing his face, Asuka was led to a part of HQ she'd never been to before, the B building. The locker rooms and showers that dotted the maze of narrow, long corridors reminded her of the semiconductor factory she'd toured once back in university. And all the dizzying cleaning procedures she had to go through were done alone, without contact with anyone except the voice of Akagi or that certain female operator whose name Asuka still couldn't quite remember, coming from the speakers scattered throughout. She wasn't even aware if Shinji or the First or anyone else was in the same facility, and she didn't bother asking.
And there he was now, across a purely ceremonial partition that barely reached their chests, just as naked as Asuka. He looked to already be in a sulky mood, and when their eyes eventually met, he averted his almost instantly. It made Asuka angry. A lot, the intensity of it surprising even herself.
He's mad because I refused to fuck him once. He's mad even after he won, beating my sync ratio like that. What a sore winner. He's mad, because I told those peasants at school that he's mine and no one's supposed to touch him.
It sounded too much even to her, but as she stood looking at Shinji's face, stubbornly turned away from her, it started to feel a little more appealing. The events of that fateful night, things she had been pushing out of her mind because they made her feel guilty, began to resurface.
You feel like I pushed you away? Like I trashed your heartfelt confession? What about the time you pushed me away? I confessed in front of the whole class that I like you, so much so that I'll let you do whatever you want with my body, and you're mad at me for it. Torturing me with the silent treatment.
The more she thought about it, the more it seemed to make sense. Yes, Asuka was, in fact, the victim. Even if she had done something wrong, which she didn't, it didn't matter now since Shinji's wrongdoing was worse than hers. There was no reason for her to feel sorry for Shinji, or to feel guilty.
There was a voice protesting in her head, asking what the hell was wrong with her and was she really out of her mind, but it was getting smaller and weaker by the second. It didn't help that Shinji's eyes, turned away from Asuka, were staring right in the direction of the First.
Asuka gritted her teeth, walking up to the barrier gate in front.
The rational part of her mind knew that it was highly unlikely that he was staring at the First's ass with Asuka right behind him. That it was probably just his trademark thousand-yard blank stare. From where he was standing, it was natural that his eyes would look that way if he turned away from Asuka. But as usual, there was no comfort for her in cold rationality.
Asuka's attention was drawn to the First, since her eyes followed Shinji's. The First was standing quite relaxed, with her typical nonchalant face, looking straight ahead. She didn't seem to notice Asuka's appearance or Shinji's discomfort.
And Asuka found that so, so, despicable. Before, she would have thought that the First was just a stupid inanimate object, floating around like a duckweed. But after the scene at school, it became worse. That doll wasn't ignoring her surroundings; she was just pretending to. That was still stupid, and the girl herself was still stupid, but that stupidity had gained an extra layer of depth: deceptiveness. Asuka couldn't suppress the disgust that was boiling up in her chest.
And something else caught Asuka's eyes now.
Were they always that large...?
The fact that the First's breasts were slightly larger than her own was something Asuka noticed since the first day they'd shared a locker room, but seeing them again in this pale incandescent light reminded Asuka of the fact in a somewhat uncomfortable way. And how flawlessly porcelain her skin was, so pale that her areolas were barely visible under the harsh light like this.
She's shorter than me, though. And with her tits already ballooned out, she won't grow in the future that much either. White dwarf. Yeah, that's how she'll end up being.
Clicking her tongue, Asuka crossed her arms and turned her eyes to check Shinji again. He was still ignoring her. All she could see was the side of his face, the sharp jawline, and the thin neck that ran down from it, connecting to the prominent collarbone and…
Asuka's face heated up. She knew she should look away, but for some reason she couldn't. Seriously, why did they even bother with the barriers at all? Why, they could've ordered the Children to stand side by side holding hands and things wouldn't be that much different. She could see everything with just a slight turn of her head, and Shinji, while pretending not to, could definitely see her too. It explained the state of his nether region.
Once, Asuka thought she was beginning to get used to it, as she could always feel its presence whenever they hugged or kissed. That was, of course, until she saw the real thing in the kitchen that night.
She always had a good idea of its size, but that was the only thing she got right. Looking at it, both back then and now, almost repulsed her. It was so grotesquely dark compared to his usual pale complexion. What was worse was the shape. It was so different from the ones Asuka had seen in those American magazines she got her hands on in the University dorm that it was hard to believe they were actually the same body part. Even considering the possible individual differences.
What caused such a huge discrepancy, Asuka wondered, almost with fascination. Was it because of his race? Size? Age? The first two were congenital traits, but if it was the last, would his thing end up looking like a mushroom, wider on the tip, after a few years? Like the way flowers took some time to blossom? Asuka's imagination ran wild, her growing irritation against Shinji momentarily forgotten.
What would it feel like? To have that thing inside her? Whether it be in her mouth or down there. Would it wiggle and twitch like she saw in the kitchen? If so, what would that feel like?
Her body began to respond to her imagination. Thank goodness a girl's body was less obvious when it came to things like this, Asuka thought, as she squeezed her thighs together. How awkward and embarrassing it must be to be standing like Shinji was right now. She couldn't even begin to imagine.
Then Asuka remembered how good it was in the lounge back then. Shinji's hand running all over her body, tickling her at first, making her wonder what the hell was he doing, then driving her absolutely crazy by the end of it. What about that night, in the kitchen? When he licked her neck, she almost fainted. She had to clench her fists hard to avoid melting into a puddle right then and there. When he squeezed her breast it felt like the breath in both lungs was also squeezed out of her, along with all the strength in her body.
And things like that were merely appetizers, not even the main dish. If they felt that good, how much better would the real thing be? And it was her and only her, no one else, that had kicked away that opportunity.
The scenario she fantasized about during that fateful night and the morning after resurfaced in her mind. The scenario where Shinji came to her room and begged for her forgiveness, for her love. Back then she had imagined herself rejecting him, crushing his hopes, humiliating him. Even then she thought that maybe she would relent and let him do her if he persisted enough, but it hadn't been her main concern.
But now Asuka felt her focus changing in real-time. If Shinji came to her room at night, as Asuka had imagined he would…
If Shinji, like he did in the locker room back on Monday, tried to guilt-trip her with weird, cryptic questions, she'd easily ignore him. But what if he just straight-up jumped on her, skipping words? Like he did in the lounge? With those scary eyes and hard hands? He would even have justification this time, sort of, pay your debt or something like that.
If such a thing happened, Asuka would, of course, say no and scream and fight against him for a while, but in the end she'd give in. She'd let him do whatever he wanted to her. And when it was all over, she would grab him and let him sleep in her bed before he could run away - Asuka was almost sure that he would run away once the deed was done - and the next morning she would kiss him, as if nothing had happened between them last night and last week. She would talk to him casually. They'd eat breakfast together. Go to school together, hand in hand. Things would be back to normal.
It didn't feel right, but at least it would feel better than the war of egos they were doing right now.
But how? Shinji was completely unwilling to take action, it seemed. With the humiliation she suffered after reaching out last time, Asuka had no desire to bend over either. Even dropping hints was almost impossible when they weren't even looking at each other. She couldn't think of any plausible excuse. So how...
Akagi's voice, from a hidden speaker, somewhere in the hallway, broke Asuka's reverie.
"Okay. The doors on the opposite side lead to test plugs. Sit in the cockpit and wait for further instruction."
While Asuka stood still, her mouth open in disbelief, Shinji made a panicked noise from her right. "Ms. Ritsuko...! Are we supposed to walk like this?"
"Don't worry, the camera will stay off."
Asuka wanted to argue, but she kept her mouth shut as she had before. She really, really was tired of everything.
The test itself was tedious as hell. The usual sync rate tests didn't require much from the pilots either, but they at least produced a result that was directly related to the pilot's performance. For that reason, Asuka had always kept her mind sharply focused, to improve her score. This time was different. Back in the main building, when she was still clothed, she'd been told that today's test wasn't a sync test, that the purpose of it was to gather data for a new technology they were researching. The knowledge killed her desire to focus on this test, knowing that she would not be pitted against Shinji, at least for today. So she was mentally checked out of this whole thing. And it wasn't like they were asking her to do anything anyway.
She was connected to a dummy body. She had no idea what kind of metric they were testing her for, but the numbness in her body and the fact that she could only feel her right arm was telling her that this was, indeed, not like the usual Evangelion sync tests. The observation booth was mainly asking the First some questions and ordering her to do this and that, and Asuka, being left out from all of it, felt like drifting off to sleep.
She really would have fallen asleep, if not for the creeping anxiety that started to grip her.
Autopilot.
What does that even mean?
With Shinji out of her (physical) sight and the issue of sync rate suspended for the moment, the question of the nature of this test started to rise to the forefront of her thoughts.
Autopilot. Did that mean they were trying to automate the piloting?
In fact, many aspects of Evangelion piloting were already automated even now. HUD autofocus. Damage control. Threat assessment. Fire control systems. Real-time battlefield information sharing systems. Life support systems. Asuka had memorized all their specifics since childhood. But they were all designed to support the pilot, and she had never heard them referred to as autopilot or anything like that.
There must be a reason when they were using such a term for this supposed new technology.
What are they up to? What are they hiding from us?
An answer occurred to her, an answer so disgusting and unbelievable that she automatically turned from it and tried in vain to find an alternative. But as time passed, she began to realize that her intuition might have been right.
Are they researching an AI that can replace pilots or something like that? Why now all of a sudden?
And then, at that moment, everything seemed to click in her head.
Asuka thought of all the little mistakes and close calls she'd had in battles so far. A not-insignificant proportion of them were her fault, although it was hard to admit.
And on top of that, Asuka was a properly trained pilot. A real one. Unlike, say, the First, who Asuka had no idea what the hell she was doing or why she was even here, or Shinji, who was a last-minute fill-in they had to bring in. It was natural then, that before Asuka joined the fray, they had to rely on luck more than anything else. Their situation was supposed to improve once Asuka and her Unit-02 came, but her contributions since she arrived were disappointing, even to herself. She couldn't, then, imagine what the higher-ups were thinking about her performances.
In light of all that, it wasn't surprising that they reached the conclusion that the human pilots couldn't be relied upon and should be replaced by machines.
Asuka felt a chill run down her spine. What were those machines, then? Something repulsive, impersonating a human while not being an actual human. Just pretending. A doll.
They're trying to replace me with a...
A high-pitched scream pierced her ears. For a moment, Asuka couldn't even tell if she'd actually heard the scream or if she'd just imagined it. The question was answered when panicked voices broke out from the observational booth line. And she felt odd, something like a dull weight on her arm.
It took her a moment to realize what it was. The dummy body was wriggling and moving on its own.
Asuka hastily tapped the controls to turn on the comms, then hesitated at the last second. The scream had clearly come from the First, but Asuka had no desire to speak to her. She pressed the button once, highlighting the next in the queue, Shinji's window.
Ask him what the hell he did this time, maybe.
Maybe this would be a good excuse to talk to Shinji, she thought. But Asuka quickly pushed such vain thoughts aside. She wasn't one hundred percent sure, of course, but this probably wasn't Shinji's fault. And with the sensation in her arm getting weirder and stronger by the second, she didn't have any time to try something on Shinji either. Asuka opened a line to the observational booth.
"What the hell is this?! What the hell is going on?!"
The line crackled, then a female operator's voice followed, over the public line. Ibuki, probably. Asuka could almost remember that name now.
"We got an unexpected situation at the facility. We're going to eject your plugs just in case. Right above us is the Geofront lake, so when the movement stops, don't open the plug, just stay inside. We'll send someone. Got it?"
Oh, for Christ's sake.
As soon as Ibuki's words finished, Asuka tensed her legs and lower abdomen and breathed in as much as she could to increase the pressure in her chest cavity. Launching an Evangelion applied considerable Gs on the pilot's body, and, although she'd never done it herself, the emergency ejection had no reason to be any different. Asuka's pilot common sense was telling her that, enduring such a thing buck naked like this, without the aid of a plugsuit to help her blood circulation and chest pressure, would not be a pleasant experience at all.
Should I warn him?
Asuka thought about it for a moment, but her mouth wouldn't open. Maybe she was, just like a moment ago, looking for an excuse to talk to Shinji.
I'm sure the best pilot would do a good job without my help. I should mind my own business.
But, despite Asuka's preparation, nothing happened. Instead, Akagi's irritated voice blasted from the speakers.
"Why are they not ejecting?!"
There was a slight sense of physical distance and echo in the doctor's voice, indicating she walked away from the mic. A time long enough for a couple of blinks passed before a smaller voice was heard.
"The catapults are not working!"
"Ms. Ritsuko...! Ayanami's...!"
Shinji's window, labeled SOUND ONLY, flashed, but Asuka ignored his voice and didn't even glance in the window's direction.
With a rattle, Akagi's voice became closer. "What's the problem?"
"Voltage problem, ma'am. The output is simply not enough to eject all three plugs at once!"
With a typing sound, a man's voice came from the distance, almost close to muttering. "It's either because they shaved 60 days off the deadline for this building. Or this line was fried during the last great outage and went unnoticed because it wasn't used frequently, only to be found out now..."
Contrary to the man's almost leisurely voice, the other voices in the background were getting louder and more panicked. The strange sensations in Asuka's arm were very intense now, twitching quite frequently, and the plug she was sitting in had started to shake at some point too.
What the hell is going on? Berserking? I heard the First had so many berserk incidents with her stupid unit that it almost killed her. Is that kind of thing happening now too?
"What if we disable the E-block's functions and divert this line's output to here, and here, and here?" Akagi asked, her voice almost nervous.
Typing sounds. "We still don't have enough to fire off all three of them at once, but we can eject them one at a time, 15 seconds apart!"
"Then do it!"
It took a moment for Asuka to realize what Akagi meant. Asuka exhaled all the LCL she'd breathed in and pressed the speak button on her console. White bubbles formed around her mouth.
"Let Shinji," go first and send me off last, Asuka tried to say. All the resentment and anger that had been building up didn't matter in the slightest at this moment. All that mattered was that something was wrong here, and they couldn't escape all at once. Asuka had no intention of putting herself before Shinji in such a situation. It was a reflexive decision, not a calculated action. The realization of it warmed her heart. Yes, she would rather die than risk Shinji. She would have said so, if not for Akagi's words that followed.
"Shinji's plug first, then Rei, then Asuka. Now!"
Asuka's plug began to shake, and she heard a loud crack. Shinji's comm window disappeared. Then the First's followed. Asuka puffed out her chest, bracing for impact.
Five minutes had passed after the emergency ejection. Or fifty minutes. Or three hours. Asuka had lost track of time.
Under the dim light of the preservation mode, the only company she had was the white noise of the quietly running HVAC and the sound of her own heartbeat.
Ah, and of course, the downwardly spiraling, toxic vortex of venomous thoughts was here too, but could she really call it company?
Asuka couldn't shake them off. She didn't try very hard, either. Because her intuition was telling her, in a cold voice, that they were right.
It was pointless to deny it. It was all Shinji's fault.
But you literally wanted it. What are you complaining about? Blaming him again?
Asuka shook her head, brushing away the voice like it was a particularly bothersome fly. This time, it wasn't the usual case of irrational emotions overpowering rationality. This time, it was one of those rare occasions where the angry, emotional Asuka was also entirely right, and the timid, pacifist Asuka who was trying to calm herself down was on the defensive.
That's different. You taking the risk on your own is different from the higher-ups putting you in harm's way. The result might be the same, but the reasons are different. The former is a sacrifice you're making for someone you love. The latter is simply Akagi deciding that your value is lower than Shinji's, lower than even the First's. It means they see you as expendable, the first to be sacrificed in an emergency.
Asuka really, desperately wanted to find something, some sort of logic to argue against that, but she couldn't and it was driving her crazy.
It's all his fault that I'm being treated this way. It's his fault I've fallen to this point.
And it was true. Asuka could think of no reason to prioritize her over Shinji from Akagi's perspective. Poor combat performance. Lower sync rate. Why would she choose to preserve Asuka when they had the ace pilot with so many proven kill counts?
And in that moment, the thought that was interrupted by the First's scream earlier flashed through her mind again.
And not just Shinji. They're trying to replace me with a doll.
Asuka felt her heart freeze. She wanted to simultaneously scream and curl up in a ball. Things she didn't want to think about kept coming to mind, so she forced herself to turn her attention elsewhere. To things that were relatively manageable and easier to deflect her anger towards.
This is his fault, too. If not for him, I would never be in this situation.
That was a bit much, a cautious voice timidly spoke up in the back of her mind. It's not like Shinji had punched down her sync rate or something, and anyway, the research on autopilot couldn't have started just after Asuka's sync rate started to go haywire. That was too recent to be the case. It had probably been in development for a long time, maybe years even, and was only now ready to be tested at the pilot level. Blaming Shinji for that was too much. Maybe she was treating him unfairly.
Then how am I supposed to treat him?
Asuka's gaze shifted to the image projected on the LCL, left of the seat. Almost immediately after the plug stopped moving and she recovered from the near-blackout situation, a comm request came from Shinji's plug, and Asuka had been ignoring it until now.
How indeed.
Asuka stared at the slowly flashing window like a hypnotized person.
Shinji was trying to talk to her, the first time he'd tried to in days. Asuka realized that not long ago, she would have wholeheartedly welcomed it. Only because, ironically, she wasn't feeling the same now.
Why? When she asked herself that, the answer came immediately, as if she had known it all along.
Because she was afraid of the reason. Why would he talk to her now all of a sudden?
And why am I afraid? She didn't want to think about it. Asuka was so angry at herself for even feeling that way. It made her impulsively reach out for the control yoke.
The next moment found Asuka horrified for several reasons.
First, her idiot of a boyfriend had called her on regular communication, not sound only, which meant they were, essentially, video-calling.
Asuka couldn't even get angry because she knew he did it out of incompetence, not malice. He was still not good at all the little miscellaneous features of Evangelion piloting. So pathetic, she thought, crossing her legs and covering her chest with one arm in panic.
And then Asuka blinked in surprise. Because…
Shinji's plug in the comm window was empty. Completely void of any human presence. The boy who was supposed to be sitting on the seat was nowhere to be seen.
What the hell.
Asuka leaned over to the comm window. It didn't make the screen zoom in or the camera spin, it was more of a reflexive reaction to something she couldn't understand. There was nothing but the empty control suite in the dim orange screen.
Asuka sat stunned, completely dumbfounded.
And then the last thing struck her, in the form of a sudden, loud thumping noise overhead. Asuka almost peed herself.
She looked up, her eardrums feeling like they were about to rip out, her heart pounding hard. Just as she wondered whether or not she'd really heard something, she heard another thud. Someone or something was pounding on the entry plug from outside.
Did they send the retrieval team this fast? Is that why Shinji's seat was empty? Did they pick him up already and it's my turn?
Then she heard an unexpected voice.
"Asuka! Asuka?! Are you in there?"
Asuka blinked. "Shinji?"
Before she knew it, Asuka had swum to the side hatch. She was already turning the handle. Her hands stopped as she realized what she was doing. It was as if something stickier than the LCL was resisting against her fingers.
Stop being silly.
Muttering words that could be interpreted either way, Asuka turned the handle. A few turns later the hatch opened.
Almost right after the dark 'sky' filled her vision, Asuka's lungs started to act up, as they always did after smelling fresh air. She gripped the edge of the doorway with both hands and leaned out, vomiting the LCL that had been deep in her lungs. It was not her first rodeo, but that didn't mean she got used to the tearing sensation in her throat and the unpleasant weight in her chest.
Two small feet appeared in front of her eyes with the light, echoey sound of bare skin kicking metal. Water dripped and pooled around them. The owner of the feet hesitated for a moment, then squatted down in front of Asuka. The soles made a squeaky sound as they slid uneasily on the sloped surface of the entry plug. Asuka cursed herself for being utterly distracted by the way his thing swung with the motion of sitting down.
Irritated, Asuka roughly pushed away Shinji's hand, which was trying to pat her back.
"Don't," she said, and then coughed shortly. "That's what everyone does instinctively, but it doesn't really help. The liquid -"
Another cough, this time longer and more violent. Asuka wiped the LCL that spurted out of her nostrils with the back of her hand. "The liquid that was coming up could go down again by the impact. Didn't they train you for this?"
Shinji didn't respond aside from a grunt.
She still felt sticky LCL all over her insides, but she still pulled herself up and out of the plug, judging that her lungs were emptied enough. Shinji scrambled to his feet and held out a hand. Asuka ignored it. The sticky LCL pooled around her feet and made her unsteady for a moment, but Asuka was nimble and athletic unlike, say, Shinji, so she regained her balance soon enough.
The entry plug swung in the gentle waves under their feet. Asuka looked around to find two plugs, half submerged in the dark water, just like Asuka's. One had its hatch wide open. The exterior lights from the HQ pyramid spilled over here, as if as a pseudo-moonlight, reflecting blue on the water's surface.
Asuka clicked her tongue once and looked back at Shinji. Shinji, as naked as Asuka, blushed brightly, visible even in the dim, distant lights that reached them through the night, and covered his groin with both hands. He turned his face half way, as if he wanted to look away from her, but his eyes flickered back and forth between her breasts and her face.
Her body quickly chilled, standing dripping wet and naked against the night breeze off the lake. It was nothing like what happened at a swimming pool or beach; unlike the cold water of those places, the LCL in the entry plug was kept fairly warm to minimize body heat loss. So when Asuka wrapped her arms around herself, shivering, it was from the cold, not because of Shinji's lusty gaze.
Or maybe it contributed a bit, too. Otherwise, she had no way to explain why she was intently focusing on his eyes. As those eyes widened, Asuka felt a surge of pleasure. She slowly, and theatrically pulled her arms up and stooped her shoulders, as if wincing. It grabbed his attention like a charm. He stopped his sad attempts to look at her eyes, now blatantly staring in one place.
Of course you do, Asuka smiled faintly and shrugged once for a better view. Asuka wasn't oversized like a certain captain - no, major now, who looked slutty and unfashionable, so sweaty and smelly by the end of the afternoon. But she wasn't that small either when she bunched them up like this. She had used this little trick back at the swimming pool, too.
But the satisfaction was short-lived. The situation was forcing them to have a talk, a serious talk, and Asuka didn't know what to say to him at this point. Her mind started to return to her thoughts back at the plug.
To me, he's a-
Afraid of the words her mind was conjuring up, Asuka quickly opened her mouth before it was too late. Anything. Just to bury the silence. "You swam all the way here?"
Shinji flinched like he was released from a trance. His mouth opened and closed once. Asuka felt a tinge of self-hatred at how uncharacteristically stupid she sounded.
Of course he did. Or what, you think he flew? A small voice mocked her from inside. Asuka shook her head.
"Why are you here?"
It was a very obvious and natural question, but after spitting it out, Asuka realized she might have made a mistake. She was making mistake after mistake. So unlike her.
Asuka gritted her teeth and glared at Shinji. Shinji, who had no idea why Asuka was upset, visibly shrank.
It might have been better if she just ignored him and not come out. This was a very delicate situation she walked into.
If Shinji said something like 'because I was worried about you,' it would be fine. Asuka would call him an idiot, vent her frustrations of the past few days, and then sweep everything under the rug, as if nothing had been wrong at all. Maybe she could even kiss him by the time they got home.
But the moment Shinji blurted out something else, Asuka would have to face it too. And there were so many possible candidates for that 'something else' position, none of which she wanted to face right now. Or ever.
Shinji looked away with his trademark blank stare. Asuka continued glaring without speaking. Only after an uncomfortable amount of time passed did Shinji turn his attention back to her. He swallowed. The sound of it echoed loudly all over the quiet lake.
"Asuka. Ms. Ritsuko is-"
Asuka hissed. Shinji closed his mouth. It was so hard for her to speak when her stomach churned like a stormy sea. "...Shut up. Just shut your mouth."
Shinji bit his lip and lowered his head. For a moment he remained still like that, but this time he wasn't looking at Asuka's breasts or stomach or groin. A ripple gently rocked the plug. With that, Shinji looked up, a slightly more determined look on his face this time, and approached her. He reached out to her with one hand. Asuka instinctively stepped back.
The plug didn't float flatly. The part where the heavier machinery like the main motor and such were placed was submerged slightly deeper, making the floating part a bit sloped. And Asuka was backtracking uphill, while Shinji chased her. A dizzying jumble of wet footsteps echoed, ending with Shinji stopping first. Asuka stretched out a hand and held up an index finger. "Don't."
Growing hesitation permeated Shinji's body language. His gaze shifted to Asuka's feet. Asuka's eyes followed it reflexively. That was when she realized she had almost reached the end of the plug and was only a few steps away from the tip.
Why is he checking it? The distance?
No sooner did she think of such a question than Shinji moved again. Asuka's heart began to beat frantically. Because there was that look on his face, the look she'd seen several times before.
She thought she should back off, but the soles of her feet were glued to the plug and wouldn't budge. It was a bizarre sensation, as if her legs were frozen hard but at the same time felt like jelly.
Just let him do what he wants. A small voice in her mind whispered. You're tired of all this, honestly. Just pretend to lose. Maybe put up some kind of token resistance if your pride demands it. Whenever you did that after seeing that face on him, he made you happy. Let him hug you like you always let him. Kiss him, as if you're forced and have no other option. Hell, let him take you, right here and now. It'd be hard to lie down here but there would be ways to do it while standing.
Her breath was shaky as it escaped through her lips. The thought that it might not be a bad idea to listen to her inner voice was so sincere and overwhelming that she was unable to move from her spot until Shinji closed in at arm's length and reached out to her. Now that hand would snatch her up and she would melt in his arms helplessly.
But at the last moment, just before Shinji's harder-than-it-looked hand gripped her shoulder, Asuka finally remembered how she felt when she was sitting on the plug, alone. With a skilled and familiar procedure, she re-lived the moment of humiliation and anger so vividly. Using the emotions those memories evoked as fuel, Asuka's feet finally moved.
Shinji's hand, almost on the verge of grabbing Asuka, swept through the empty air. As she expected there was a lot of force in the move, which acted against him now, tilting his body off balance. His feet slipped on the damp and sloped metal surface, making a screeching sound.
Before Asuka realized what was happening, Shinji fell forward with a yelp. An ominously loud thud broke out as his head hit the metal, followed by the sound of his limp, naked body sliding down the curved slope of the plug and into the lake. There wasn't even a proper splash, as he entered the water feet first without flailing his arms or anything. Only a rather cute 'pong' sound rang out and that was it. Under any other circumstances, Asuka would have chuckled.
What gripped her now instead was shock, and another strange feeling she couldn't quite explain.
If he's gone, I'll-
A moment later Asuka inhaled sharply and shuddered as if waking up from a nightmare. A belated scream echoed across the lake.
"Shinji!"
It was a pure miracle that Asuka found Shinji in the pitch-black water and dragged him to shore.
Asuka had no way of explaining what or how she had accomplished such a feat. Because her memory was largely blank in the middle. She remembered jumping into the water, but the next thing she knew, she was kneeling next to Shinji's limp body, pushing his chest down hard.
Even in the midst of all the madness, Asuka could precisely recall the points they had drilled into her bones. Halfway between the nipples. Arms straight all the way from the shoulder to the hands, never bent at the elbows. Pushing with all of your weight. Two compressions per second. 30 compressions followed by 2 breaths. Lift the chin and tilt the head, clear the airway. Visually checking the chest to see if it rises.
But even after executing the procedure five cycles by the book, Shinji still showed no signs of waking up, and she began to feel the strength seeping out from her arms.
Once again, Asuka recalled her training. Never stop the chest compressions until help arrives. If you feel you've reached the limit of your stamina, don't hesitate to pick a specific person around you to take over.
But here, there was no help on the way, and no one to replace her. She was all alone. HQ wouldn't know anything, and it wasn't like she had any way of contacting them. And speaking of someone that might do CPR with her…
Is that First bitch deaf or something? Didn't she hear me screaming and everything?
Twenty-seven, twenty-eight, twenty-nine, thirty. Asuka stopped the compressions and leaned down. In an almost automated, unconscious motion, her index and middle fingers pushed up the tip of Shinji's chin, while her other hand pressed his forehead and held his nose with the index finger and thumb. She inhaled deeply, and closed his mouth with hers.
No, you can't count on her. There's only one person you can trust and that's you.
Shinji's chest visibly rose as she exhaled deeply into his mouth, emptying her lungs. With a wet noise, Asuka removed her mouth from his and inhaled once more. At the same time, perhaps because she was focusing on the task at hand, all sorts of uncontrolled thoughts ran amok in her head unchecked.
Yeah, you're alone, just like then. He's going to die in front of you, just like she did. You studied CPR and everything since you were a kid, thinking maybe there was something you could have done, but it wouldn't matter this time either. Just like your Evangelion training didn't matter.
Asuka closed Shinji's mouth again. Just shut up. Shut the fuck up.
She emptied half of her lungs, but Shinji's chest didn't rise. She was losing concentration. Asuka tried to calm herself, breathing in through her nose, and moved her lips slightly over Shinji's mouth to seal it properly. She breathed out. This time it worked.
She didn't even have a single second to waste, so she scrambled to her knees and resumed the compressions. But there was noticeably less force in her hands than before. Her back, her arms, and her shoulders felt like they were on fire. A sound that was in the middle of a moan and a sob escaped her mouth, her frustration, sadness, and anger all mixed in.
I should have exercised more. I slacked off on training since I moved to Japan. I've become fat, soft, useless.
Eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen.
No, it's not my fault. It's Mr. Kaji's fault for forcing me to do that useless farmwork and draining stamina I could've used later. It's Misato's fault too, for putting me into such a stupid situation.
Fifteen, sixteen, seventeen. The up-and-down motion was getting slower and weaker while Asuka desperately searched for the person responsible for this mess. The first ideas that came to mind (Mr. Kaji, Misato) were frankly unconvincing even to herself, so she needed to find someone else.
Akagi. Yeah, why didn't I think of that bitch. This is all her fault.
Eighteen, nineteen. Fueled by newfound rage and hatred, Asuka picked up the pace. A boiling roar escaped her throat.
If anything happens to Shinji, I'm going to kill her. I'm going to kill her in any way I can. Won't be too hard. Sync test or something. I'll swat her like a fly with Unit-02 and that would be it.
Twenty. Twenty-one, twenty-two, twenty-three, twenty-four. In the middle of the compression, Asuka looked down at Shinji's face, breathing raggedly. She looked for anything; a twitch of the eyebrows, a twist of the lips, any sign of life, but there was no movement in that pale face. His eyes were closed, his mouth hung slack and open. Asuka felt like crying, tears clouding her world.
Now that I think of it, that's not enough. I'm going to give her a horrible, horrible death. Slowly. Painfully. I'm going to tear her limbs out one by one. I'll keep her alive for at least as long as I need to do it. I'll make her scream and piss herself and beg for me to kill her, and when she does I'll play with her some more. By the end they won't have anything to put in her coffin.
Twenty-five, twenty-six, twenty-seven, twenty-eight. Her whole body was hot and sweaty. Asuka squeezed the last of her strength.
Oh, that's cool, Asuka. I guess she deserves it. But tell me, what are we supposed to do with you, Asuka? What's the verdict for you?
Asuka sucked in a sharp breath, having nothing with which to counter the mocking voice. Twenty-nine. Thirty.
Her lungs were on fire. Her breath, coming out of her mouth and nostrils, was on fire too. Like a puppet that lost its strings, Asuka collapsed on Shinji's chest. Her head was screaming at her to get up at once and start breathing for him, but her body wouldn't listen.
At first, Asuka thought it was her ragged breathing that she was hearing. By the time she realized what was happening to her, with her eyes burning and her nose running free, she was already sobbing uncontrollably.
But I promised myself to never cry again.
Asuka hated herself so much. She couldn't put her finger on why. For crying like a child. For doing this to Shinji. Her own mind for pitying herself even in this situation.
You're thinking about your pride in front of your boyfriend's dead body because you cried. Even now you're thinking of such things. You're not normal. You're insane. You're broken. That's why Shinji paid this kind of price. For loving a crazy bitch like you.
Asuka forced her head up and looked into Shinji's face. Glassy eyes looked up at her. Those eyes and a mouth that was leaking water on one corner were peaceful, almost smiling. Forgiving her even in death. And that sight almost broke Asuka. Until…
Wait.
Asuka blinked a few times and wiped the tears from her eyes with the back of her hand. Something was off. He was surely…
One corner of Shinji's mouth lifted slightly. The voice that came out of it was painfully hoarse.
"Asuka..."
Asuka's mouth moved in autopilot.
"...You find this funny? Is this funny to you?"
"...Because I always," Shinji frowned for a moment, clearing his throat. Phlegm boiled in his neck. "I always, imagined you, on top of me, hot, sweaty, sometimes crying. But not like this."
"You imagined what?"
Only then did she realize the situation fully, everything finally coming to hit her. Half sobbing, half shouting, Asuka rushed to Shinji. His cold, earthy mouth opened beneath hers. Shinji reciprocated on his own, gently pulling the back of her head with one hand and wrapping his cold, stiff tongue around hers. For a moment, they reveled in the feel and taste of their long-lost mate.
That is, until Shinji's violent coughing fit left Asuka's face plastered in spit and snot.
Asuka backed off in horror. But before she could protest, Shinji rolled over onto one side and coughed so hard it sounded like he was about to vomit out his own lungs. It suddenly occurred to Asuka that maybe it wasn't the wisest thing to stick her tongue down the throat of a boy who had had a hard time breathing until a moment ago.
Wiping away tears, spit, and snot with the back of her hand, Asuka dragged her knees to Shinji's side. Dirt and grass caked around her knees but she didn't mind in the slightest. For a moment, she thought about patting him on the back. He was whimpering in pain. But then she remembered what she'd said earlier on the plug and withdrew her hand at the last second.
After spitting out some water and gasping for air, making a sound like a bellows, Shinji finally rolled over onto his back. His breathing was steadier than before, but his chest was still rising and falling noticeably. Asuka reflexively lay down next to him, resting her head on his shoulder and her hand on his chest. It was cold to the touch. She was full of anguish and stress until a moment ago, but the kiss and the gross end of it made it hard to wallow in such emotions.
Shinji flinched at Asuka's touch. Maybe because her body was too hot -it really was, to be fair, especially compared to his cold body-, or he was being shy again. In case it was the latter, Asuka prepared the line, 'it's to prevent hypothermia, idiot,' and even rehearsed it in her head for a few times in that brief moment, but she never had a chance to use it. Because Shinji just lay still, saying nothing.
Maybe they had reached the place in a relationship where they don't need an excuse to lie side by side naked. Or maybe Shinji was just too tired to say anything. Hoping it was the former, Asuka scooted closer to Shinji, rubbing her cheek against his bony shoulder.
A cool breeze blew in, stirring the branches and tall grass and cooling Asuka's body. There was no moonlight or stars, but the bright blue spotlights bouncing off the HQ pyramid, the distant lights of the trains snaking up the cavern wall, and the flashing red air traffic lights, high above on the skyscrapers that had been retracted for the night created an eerie yet beautiful scene on the lake's surface.
It's quite fine, actually. Asuka thought. And the moment she did, Shinji's shoulder tensed slightly. Because of that, Asuka wasn't surprised when he opened his mouth.
"Asuka."
"Yeah?"
Asuka turned her head to see Shinji's face, but he didn't move, just stared off into space like he did before. A strange feeling of unease began to grip Asuka again. She couldn't quite tell him to just shut up and not ruin the mood, so she kept her mouth shut and waited. It made her stomach burn.
However, Shinji's words, coming after a long pause, were not what Asuka had expected.
"I'm not sure if I'm even alive. I feel so dazed. So weak."
Asuka didn't know what to say to that, or if he was even expecting an answer, so she just leaned against Shinji's shoulder and waited for him to continue. Shinji cleared his throat once again.
"The only thing I can feel clearly, the only thing that makes me realize I'm alive, is the pain."
Then Shinji closed his eyes. A single tear escaped and trickled down around his ear. Asuka watched, speechless for a moment, but Shinji closed his mouth. He didn't say anything. He didn't do anything.
Asuka licked her lips once, swallowed, clenched and unclenched the hand that had been resting on his chest, then reached out with it to brush his bangs.
"What about this? Can you feel it?"
To make sure, Asuka pressed herself against Shinji. A tingle ran down her upper body as her nipples, slightly hardened by the cool air, poked Shinji's arm.
Shinji opened his eyes and looked back at Asuka. But that was all. With a strangely sad look in his eyes, Shinji was silent.
I am part of the pain. The thought cut sharp in Asuka's mind. To Shinji, I am part of the pain, too. One of its sources.
Idiot. He's saying that because he literally smashed his head into the plug hard enough to knock him out, and then he almost drowned. He's dazed and sore and feels weak. That's what he's talking about. This is real life, not some novel you were forced to read in school. Stop with that overanalyzing, interpretation nonsense. Your guilt is making things up, that's all. Not like you did anything that bad to him anyway.
Asuka shook her head to stifle the voices. Shinji still hadn't said anything, so Asuka filled in the blanks, feeling almost compelled to do so.
"I can give you something other than pain."
Shinji's pupils widened slightly. "...Asuka?"
Asuka raised her upper body. Naturally, Shinji's gaze flicked downward once, then quickly shot up to her eyes. Asuka smiled, feeling again the satisfaction and excitement that usually warmed her lower belly whenever this kind of thing happened.
It was extremely clear to her what she was supposed to do now. What they were supposed to do. It would sweep away the events that had piled up like so much pointless garbage. Even what Shinji just said eerily resonated with what she made up at school back on Monday. The thing that would make him feel alive. There really wasn't a more perfect answer. It was going to end both his current pain and their recent dissonance. The consummation that was long overdue.
Asuka put a hand in the dirt, but Shinji's hand came up and grabbed her shoulder. Asuka sent Shinji a questioning glance. He couldn't possibly reject her now, could he?
Her prediction was wrong again. Shinji shook his head. "It's okay. You don't have to do that for me, Asuka."
Asuka let out a small groan. It was almost disappointing that he was still thinking this way. Why does he think it's only for him? Why couldn't he see that she wanted it too? Asuka almost said so, but at the last moment, a sudden sinking feeling in her stomach killed her confidence.
Instead, Asuka shifted her gaze to Shinji's lower body. "I think he's got a different idea. Maybe you should give up. It's two to one."
A groan came from her left. "I don't think we should hear his opinion on anything. His vote shouldn't count."
She was almost irritated at this point. Why was he doing this even now? They came all this way. But, instead of showing annoyance, Asuka picked a better card, the line she thought about over the past few days.
"Our promise," Asuka said through gritted teeth. "No matter what, I hate being owed something. I want to make sure this thing between us is settled before the end of the week."
With a flushing face, Asuka studied Shinji's reaction. His eyes were fluttering. His pale lips opened once, then closed again. Seeing that, she thought she won this now, and twisted her shoulder. Shinji's hand slipped away from her.
But that wasn't the last challenge, apparently. Leaning in toward Shinji's lower body, Asuka was rudely reminded that she had no idea how to handle this. At all.
The look of it alone was already disconcerting: a dark-colored, meaty rod with no curves or highlights except for a rough vein running up the middle. It made her cringe in disgust, honestly. Shinji's appearance was otherwise flawless except for this one thing. She wondered if something was wrong.
The tip of it caught Asuka's eyes. It looked as if someone had tried to wrap an elongated object, but the wrapper wasn't long enough, leaving the contents slightly exposed at the very tip. She squinted. There was a hint of pink, an 'eye' staring at her from the center of it.
If she peeled back that skin somehow, would it reveal a form she recognized from magazines? But surely she didn't have to do that. Surely it was there for a reason. If it needed to come off, wouldn't it do so when needed without her having to jerk it this way and that? Not like it was a gun slider where you have to pull before use.
She tried to remember what Shinji had done the last time he tried to put that thing inside her, but nothing came to mind. Asuka had been so excited back then that the moment was a blur now. Asuka snorted in defiance.
It can't be that hard. Just put it in my mouth, then suck it up like a straw. Or maybe I really should pull that thing back first like a pistol.
Asuka made up her mind and leaned down, her hands almost in position, when Shinji reached out again and touched her shoulder.
"Asuka. Stop. It hurts. A lot."
Asuka blinked for a moment, Shinji's words totally unintelligible. At first she wondered what the hell was he talking about, if he was freaking out again and looking for an excuse to stop, but his stuttering words and squeaky voice really did sound like he was hurting somewhere.
"But, but I didn't do anything..."
Shinji let out a groan and pointed to his chest.
"Not there. Here. Looking at you. Made me breathe faster. Then it started to hurt. A lot. Like a stab. In the chest."
"Ah." Asuka immediately thought of a certain possibility. She hastily dragged her legs to the side of Shinji's chest, dirt and grass already paved by her knees due to her CPR position.
You gotta be kidding me. "I think I broke your ribs. I didn't feel it. I didn't hear it. But maybe I just didn't notice."
Shinji's body visibly shrank, and the eyes looking up at her shook so pitifully, that Asuka felt almost compelled to keep talking.
"Don't freak out! It happens all the time with CPR, or so they say! If it pierced your lung or a heart or something it could be serious, but if that happened we would've known from the start."
For a moment, Asuka thought about pressing down his chest and side to see where exactly he was hurt, but realized that would be pointless.
Asuka sighed. There was nothing they could do now, she supposed. She lifted Shinji's arm, slipped under it, and rested her head on his shoulder. She was careful not to press against his chest or side.
Shinji seemed to be thinking the same thing Asuka considered for a moment. "Asuka, is it okay? To do nothing?"
Asuka resisted the urge to snort. Not everyone can be a well-trained elite pilot.
"Yeah, it's okay. I'm sure even Akagi wouldn't be able to do anything for you. It's not like you could cast your ribs or anything. And they're easily healed naturally. You'll just need to rest and wait."
"Ah."
With a sigh, Asuka pressed herself against Shinji's lean frame. He was still cold. She wanted to wrap her arms around him and hug him tightly, to warm him up, but she couldn't press his chest like that. She could only hope that being glued to his side like this would help.
Shinji's body shook slightly, then he winced with a groan. Only after a moment Asuka realized Shinji had laughed.
"What's wrong?"
Shinji cleared his throat, then gave Asuka's shoulder a slight squeeze. "Here. I planned a date with you. This place."
"You wanted to bring me here?"
Shinji gave a small nod. Asuka turned her head and looked around. As she thought some minutes ago, the view wasn't half bad. And it would be silent even in the daytime, reasonably far from the center of human activities. Which meant they could do whatever they wanted with no one to disturb them.
A small sigh. "Walking together. Holding hands. A picnic. Maybe lying down. Watching the lake. I never imagined it would happen like this, though."
"You had all those things planned out?" Asuka didn't like the watery sound of her voice. She thought it was ridiculous that she was so moved by this simple thing, but she couldn't help it.
"Well," Shinji opened his mouth, then swallowed. There was a strange glint in his eyes in the place of the warmth that had filled them just moments ago. Just as Asuka was wondering what she was seeing, or if she was really seeing anything at all, it all washed away and the warmth returned.
"Asuka, will you come here with me next time?"
Whenever you want, the words rose to Asuka's mouth and stopped at the last moment. The more she rolled it around in her head, the more she realized she meant it, but it sounded stupid. So she hesitated, then kissed Shinji's shoulder once. "If you'll let me come on you. No buts. No strings attached."
Shinji's body jerked once. A groan escaped his mouth, teeth clenched.
"...Asuka. Don't make me laugh. Please."
"Then can I do something else?"
Asuka smiled, and so did Shinji. Their eyes met. Asuka knew what he wanted, and so did Shinji.
They tilted their heads and kissed.
Unlike the last kiss that had begun so abruptly and ended even more abruptly, this one was slow and languid, as if they were both trying to take in every last bit of what they hadn't tasted in the past few days. And Asuka didn't want it to become too intense, afraid Shinji would hurt again.
And then, as if in direct objection to Asuka's thoughts, Shinji's hand came up and cupped her breast hard. A stab of pleasure bloomed through her upper body as his cold palm rubbed her hardened nipple. Asuka moaned hotly into Shinji's throat and entwined her legs around his. Shinji's tautly erect cock poked at her thigh. Shinji let out a groan and released his grip on her breast. Asuka pulled her hips back slightly, slowing her offensive.
The smoldering bowl of pleasure was passed back and forth between them, slow and easy. But then Asuka's jaw began to ache and Shinji's breathing became ragged again. So they stopped and lay there, holding each other tightly. Both had reached the limit of their strength anyway.
As the effects of the adrenaline rush finally subsided, Asuka felt a fatigue that she never experienced before. Her arms and back started to ache, and her whole body felt mellow. Unable to move, Asuka buried her face in Shinji's shoulder and stayed still. Beneath the smells of earth and grass and the faint LCL that lingered even now, Asuka also smelled Shinji's own scent, and it felt like a sleeping pill to her right now. She wondered if he could smell her too, and what he thought of it.
Come to think of it, maybe they couldn't afford to waste their time together like this. Of all the problems that happened between them, none of them had been resolved. Maybe they should start having the hard talk, facing the hard truth, instead of napping like this. But Asuka wanted to leave it at that for now, to enjoy each other's warmth without thinking or talking.
That way, she wouldn't have to tell Shinji that he was an existential threat to her. That when he fell to the lake earlier, she, even if it was for a moment, really thought that she could become the best pilot again if Shinji was gone for good. That way, she wouldn't need to face those truths.
Saturday, 01:22. Terminal Dogma
There was no other lighting in the room besides that from the tank. It coated everything in an ominous orange hue. A man was silhouetted in front of it, stark against the light. Just as Ritsuko had expected, he was standing in front of the tank's control panel. Ristuko, for a moment, forgot what had brought her down here in such a hurry, and was seized by a familiar feeling of hatred.
Your precious dolls are managed by their own system, completely separate from the MAGI mainframe, so they were never threatened even when 96% of the entire system fell to the Angel, so cut the crap.
Ritsuko wanted to say all those things, but she didn't. Because she didn't want to show him how much these dolls could affect her feelings, how much she was conscious of them.
Instead, Ritsuko decided to add a bit of a tangent before going into her main business.
"Did you know that your son was at death's door and barely managed to come back?"
Gendo didn't even pretend to listen, just leisurely pushed a few buttons on the panel. Ritsuko paused before continuing. "Asuka - I mean, the pilot of Unit-02 -gave him quite a rough ride, it seems. Sternum fracture. Concussion. Well, nothing too serious, but still."
Gendo's hand stopped. Not because of the information Ritsuko had just shared, but probably because he finished the command he meant to enter into the panel. He looked back at Ritsuko with a small snort.
"Would you believe it if I told you that Soryu was a little strange even before she was hospitalized? I guess the apple didn't fall far from the tree."
Ritsuko walked over to stand beside him and shrugged. Dr. Soryu of the Berlin branch was a figure from a time before Ritsuko joined GEHIRN, so she didn't have much of a personal impression of her.
Gendo cut in, not giving Ritsuko any more chance to go on about non-essential matters. "How did the recovery go? Is it possible?"
Ritsuko chewed her lip. The losses suffered by NERV in today's 'battle' were beyond human comprehension, though only three people would ever know it.
"No. Just like every data from the Angel-controlled sector, it was tainted at the logic stage. We had no choice but to destroy it."
"How long would it take to rebuild it to a similar level?"
"We can avoid most of the errors we went through in the initial development. My expectation is we could compress it down to a third of the time it took before."
Gendo was silent for a moment. It was his way of processing the shocking news. A third of the previous time, on the surface, sounded like a fairly optimistic figure. But in this case, it meant that the timeline laid out in the Dead Sea Scrolls would be impossible to meet. By the time it would be rebuilt, there would be no one left to use it, or need it, for that matter. The dummy system was as good as dead.
Of course, even now, all the key points of the system were still fresh in Ritsuko's mind and working notes. But those were no substitute for the dizzying levels of computing power required to simulate the human soul as a function, and the enormous amount of data that was generated as a result.
Ritsuko managed to save the physical MAGI system itself, but the crucial data that Gendo wanted to save was gone. For good.
It was common sense to have double and triple safety measures for a project that was this important. Physical copies and backups. But in this case, those weren't an option, so Ritsuko didn't even mention it. The HQ MAGI's backup was stored in the Matsushiro base, and there was no way they could send something as sensitive as the Dummy System development files there. The leak of the system itself wasn't even the problem; if it fell into the hands of someone who knew where to look and what to find, the Ayanami Project, the theoretical basis for the Dummy System, could also be exposed. That was not an outcome they wanted to risk. As for physical copies, making an independent storage unit that was separate from the MAGI mainframe was a problem, and such a thing would be too vulnerable to infiltration. Any situation resulting in the MAGI mainframe falling into the enemy's hands was unthinkable from the start.
Revisiting those points, Ritsuko waited for Gendo's reaction. A doll passed in front of them, serene and lifeless. The sound of the motor echoed quietly. Gendo looked up, his clothes rustling.
"We should send the letter to the Nevada branch."