Soft Serve sat in Professor X's office, laid back and blissful as always.
Professor X: So, Soft Serve
Soft Serve: Yes Professor?
Professor X: Your power is that you poop ice cream
Soft Serve: My power isn't pooping ice cream, the ice cream actually comes out of a portal from another dimension
Professor X: And that portal is located in your ass?
Soft Serve: Yes,
Professor X: Right, so I'll just write down poops ice cream.
Soft Serve: So what did you want to see me for?
Professor X: I'm not even going to try and sugar coat this, you're fired
Soft Serve: What? Why?
Professor X: Well, to put it frankly, I find you very disgusting
Soft Serve: Disgusting?
Professor X: Yes. Your power is honestly one of the most revolting things I've ever witnessed in my life.
Soft Serve: But Professor, look at my powers!
Soft Serve pulls off her panties, jumps onto the Professor's desk and takes a hot shit on his desk, producing a Rocky Road ice cream cone.
Soft Serve then sat back down, clearly pleased with herself.
Professor X:…
Soft Serve: Don't you wanna eat some?
Professor X: This is what I'm talking about. Your power is that you're a one-woman reenactment of 2 Girls 1 Cup, called 1 Girl 1 Cone.
Soft Serve: But I-
Professor X: We shouldn't have called you Soft Serve, we should've named you Scatman John instead.
Soft Serve: Hey c'mon, kids love my ice cream
Professor X: That sounds like a quote they'd put on your mugshot after you get arrested for obsessively shitting in other people's food
Soft Serve: I've contributed a lot to the X-Men
Professor X: Like what? Causing the enemy to throw up by doing your Seth McFarlane routine in front of them?
Soft Serve: Well I-
Professor X: What will you do if we're fighting against a villain who doesn't have type 1 or type 2 Diabetes? How will your powers be useful there?
Soft Serve: I can provide moral support
Professor X: Oh really?
Soft Serve: Yeah, I can help bring everyone's spirits with my ice cream and-
Professor X: Let me stop you right there. You cannot brighten anyone's spirit, Edmund Kemper is better at lifting people's spirits than you.
Soft Serve: But I-
Professor X: Last month, the X-Men threw me a birthday party and we had ice cream for desert. How much of that was from you?
Soft Serve just smiles the biggest grin ever.
Soft Serve: All of it
Professor X: Oh my God, I think I'm going to throw up. I feel like I'm in the director's cut of Human Centipede.
Soft Serve: I actually love giving ice cream to people. I regularly donate buckets full of it to ice cream parlors, sports games, and kids birthday parties.
Professor X: How long have you been doing this for?
Soft Serve: Ten years
Professor X: Oh my God.
Soft Serve: I know, isn't it great?
Professor X: Have you donated it to Coldstone?
Soft Serve: Oh yeah
Professor X: What about Ben and Jerry's?
Soft Serve: They love me there
Professor X: How about Häagen-Dazs?
Soft Serve: They think I'm the best and you're still going to fire me aren't you?
Professor X: Absolutely. I do not need one of my students shitting in all my food.
Soft Serve: But Professor I-
Professor X: You're like Winnie the Pooh's more disturbing sister, Winnie the Shit
Soft Serve: That's not very-
Professor X: Some people say they scream for ice cream, but I'd say in your case, its more like they scream at the ice cream
Soft Serve: Do y-
Professor X: Whenever I'm around you, I feel like I'm in the worst episode of the Angry Video Game Nerd ever. I feel like I'm in a rejected South Park script, but the credits just refuse to roll. Your powers are disgusting, and so you are fired.
Soft Serve: Well, ok then
Soft Serve then got up and left the room.
After a while, Professor X just looked quizzically at the Rocky Road ice cream cone on his desk. He then picked up the cold delight and gave it a lick.
Professor X: Meh, I've had better.