Chapter 53
When Raiden returned to the Fire Lord's chamber that afternoon, he was surprised to find her wearing the uniform of a newly recruited female guard. Not the dress uniform, but fatigues, like soldiers wear in the field.
"I thought this would help me sneak out of the palace," she explained. "People will think I'm just one of your guards."
"Good idea," he replied, still stunned at the sight of his monarch dressed as his underling.
"It's comfortable too," she went on, straightening the sleeves. "Perfect for hunting."
He swallowed. "It…looks good on you," he murmured, unable to stop himself. The plain, tight gray fabric skimmed her slender figure. He hardly ever saw her without adornment of some kind, but her beauty spoke for itself and needed no accent.
She beamed. "It does, doesn't it? Just as good as your various medals look on your broad shoulders." She stroked his Golden Arrow pin with one finger, then turned toward the door.
They made their way through the palace, Azula walking behind Raiden like a soldier behind her commander. No one recognized the Fire Lord in a guard uniform, wearing a helmet. They passed the sitting room where Ursa was entertaining a listless Chan, and the rest of his family, and could barely hold in their giggles at their escape.
Soon they arrived in the garage. He pointed to the automobile he had commandeered for the day, already full of their supplies.
Azula peeked in the trunk, where she saw a big army-issued rucksack, two quivers of arrows, the simple bow she had been practicing with, and his larger one. "You only packed one bag."
"Yeah, I can carry all our stuff, the way I did when we went to visit the dragons."
She frowned. "I was in such a foul mood that day that it didn't even occur to me to share the load. I won't burden you like that again."
"It's no trouble. I'm used to it. The trip is only for two days, so it won't be too heavy," he protested in surprise.
"Nonsense." She grabbed an empty knapsack from a cabinet and put it in the trunk of the automobile. "It's quite a trek up the mountain to the cabin. You shouldn't have to carry everything. When we get there, we'll split the supplies between the two bags."
"All right," he agreed, mystified by her insistence. What kind of point was she trying to make?
They moved to get into the car. He took the driver's seat, of course, glad he had learned to drive soon after the palace acquired the vehicles. He noticed that Azula paused by the backseat, where she was used to sitting. Perhaps she expected him to open the door for her, the way her chauffeur would. But before he could move to do so, she shook her head, as if correcting herself, and slid into the front seat beside him instead.
During their drive to the forest, they resumed their normal rapport, chatting about upcoming policy changes, before lapsing into a silence that threatened to grow awkward.
To prevent that, Raiden asked her about their destination. "I know you haven't been to the royal forest since your coronation, but did you go there often before that?"
Azula looked out the window at the passing trees. "I used to go two or three times a year with my father."
"Oh. I'm sorry if I brought up a bad memory…"
She shrugged. "Our hunting trips were fine. He only took me to the forest when I was in his good graces. But I have…reappraised even the happy moments I spent with him."
"That must be confusing."
"It's a process of putting things in a different order inside. The forest is beautiful, you'll see tomorrow. I'm glad to…reclaim it." She spoke softly, reflectively, with a slight blush. Then she changed the subject abruptly. "The last time we went there, Aang was with us."
"What did he think of the place?" he asked, always curious about the Avatar.
"He liked the forest, but hated the idea of hunting. Airbenders are vegetarians, you know. When he first arrived, he fought a cold war with father over his food, and finally won. Aang and I had endless debates about the ethics of hunting. He said that all killing was immoral, even for food. Is it immoral for animals to do it, I asked. He said animals don't have consciences and we do, and we are omnivores, capable of getting nutrition from plants, while some animals require meat to survive. I pushed him: what about people who live in places where there are no edible plants, like the South Pole? What about invasive species? The turkey elk depend on us to hunt them, to keep them in balance with their environment." She gave Raiden a grin, holding up a triumphant finger. "That word, balance, gave him pause. Then he observed the hunt, and saw the way our tradition treated the animals with respect, honoring their sacrifice. Aang finally said that he would no longer denounce the practice of hunting certain animals, provided the killing was necessary for the perpetuation of both species."
Raiden couldn't help smiling at her persuasive power. "You converted an Air Nomad?"
"No. He refused to condemn us for hunting, but also refused to participate. It was an odd equilibrium that he found."
"He respected our tradition."
"Yes." She looked down. "More than we respected him."
They were quiet a moment, before Raiden ventured a personal question. "Did Avatar Aang ever reply to the letter you sent him?"
"No. I didn't ask for a response. Besides, he must be busy." Again, she picked a new topic. "What did you tell the other guards about where you're going?"
"I said I was taking a personal day. I kept things professional and vague; it's not their business where I go." He had been lucky that Naoki was off duty that day, or he would never have been able to avoid her questions. "Only Joshu knows our real plan."
"It's fun having a secret, isn't it?"
"It certainly is."
As they traveled up the mountain, the temperature dropped precipitously, and unexpectedly. Raiden buttoned his jacket and pulled on his gloves.
After three hours of driving, they turned off the paved road for the old carriage road into the royal forest. The dirt track grew more and more overgrown, until Raiden was forced to stop. They got out and rearranged the supplies, splitting them into the two bags.
Pulling her pack onto her shoulder, Azula commented, "It's getting very cold, isn't it? Much colder than I thought it would be."
He agreed, slightly worried. The Fire Nation was mostly tropical, but in the mountains, once or twice a year, a sudden freeze could create forbidding conditions.
They hiked uphill, following the path to the hunting cabin. As the two ascended the mountain, the sun descended, so that it turned positively frigid. Their chilled breaths came out in puffs of vapor, and they didn't talk as they climbed, concentrating instead on their exertion.
By the time they found the cabin, night had fallen. Both were eager to warm up. When he put down his bag inside, the first thing Raiden looked for was a fireplace. He saw a table and chairs, four beds, wooden cabinets he assumed were full of hunting equipment and extra bedding. For a hunting cabin, the small dwelling was well-equipped, though not as grand as you might expect for a royal residence. But the one thing it did not have was a fireplace.
"It's mostly only royal family members who come here to hunt," Azula explained, her face full of dismay. "And we're all firebenders."
"I suppose a fire isn't usually necessary. We're here out of season," Raiden answered, arms wrapped around himself. The jacket he wore was inadequate for this unexpected cold. He cursed himself for not bringing winter supplies.
"I completely forgot there's no fireplace. This is my fault." The anxiety in her voice seemed completely disproportionate to the situation, until Raiden realized that the real problem would come when it was time to sleep.
"No it's not." he disagreed reflexively.
"I'm the one who asked you on this trip!" Azula insisted, her voice rising.
"But I'm the one who packed!" All of the sudden, he realized they were arguing, each fighting to take the blame for the predicament they found themselves in.
"I didn't remember the lack of a fireplace, because it didn't occur to me that we would need one. My selfish firebender perspective blinded me to your needs. It was inconsiderate of me."
Her extreme contrition took him aback. Raiden appreciated her consideration, but also felt like the situation was equally his own responsibility. "I'm an adult, and I've been a nonbender my whole life. I know what I need to keep warm, and failed to provide it for myself. This cold snap is a fluke; neither of us could have predicted it." He took a deep breath. "We both made a mistake. Blaming ourselves doesn't change anything."
Azula sighed and opened her palms, offering him a flame. "Here."
He held his hands up to her fire, warming his fingers. They sat close, and ate a meal from their packs. The two talked until they got drowsy, mostly discussing the animals they'd find in the forest, and previous hunting experiences. They agreed that in hunting tomorrow, Azula would do most of the shooting, since she wanted the practical archery experience. As her teacher, Raiden could coach her. The jackalope, a quick-breeding invasive species that had soft pelts and useful antlers, would be their target. Azulon's army had found the animal in the Si Wong desert and brought them home to stock the royal forest with game. They hadn't anticipated how quickly the jackalope would reproduce, though, and now it was a constant struggle to keep them from overrunning the forest.
But Azula and Raiden's conversation, though pleasant, only delayed the inevitable awkwardness when night fell. Eventually they lapsed into silence.
"You must know that I didn't plan this," she began.
"Of course not. I didn't either." He believed her. He knew she was capable of plotting this kind of setup, but could tell that her denial was honest. At the same time, he wasn't sure how to take her insistence that she didn't want to sleep with him. Should he be insulted? Was she just shy? Or perhaps she was trying to be…chivalrous?
"When I asked you to come here, I assumed we'd sleep separately in the same room, like we did when we were trapped by the Sun Warriors. I didn't bring you here to force you into spending the night with me," she reiterated, as if to make herself perfectly clear.
"I understand. That wasn't why I agreed to come, or why I didn't bring the proper supplies." It seemed like she was worried he was going to think she was trying to take advantage of him, which felt like a reversal of typical gender roles. He had to make sure she similarly absolved him.
"I know." Azula looked down at the fire in her hands. "We should go to bed, but I can't keep this going while I sleep," she finally remarked, making the fire in her hand dance a little.
"Clearly," Raiden answered. "And there's nowhere for you to set a fire without burning the whole cabin down. It's too late to make a campfire outside, and we'd be colder out there, anyway, exposed to the wind."
"Right. My inner fire will keep me warm inside the cabin, but you'll freeze in here."
"I'll be fine." He insisted, knowing it was the gentlemanly thing to do.
She walked across the room and picked up one of their canteens. She unscrewed the lid and tipped it upside down. Nothing spilled out. "Frozen solid. That's how cold it is here." She braced her shoulders, looked away, and made her offer. "I can generate enough warmth for both of us to get through the night without frostbite, but we'll have to share one bed."
He accepted, citing necessity. "I think that's the only thing we can do. I appreciate it." Raiden felt ambivalent about the arrangement the cold was forcing them into. His practicality told him it was the only option. It seemed too good to be true, that he might get to sleep next to Azula. But his feelings depended on hers: he couldn't truly enjoy holding her unless he knew she liked it, too, and she had not chosen this situation. He trusted himself not to cross any boundaries first, but had no clue how he might react if she did, in the middle of the night. Best to just mutually acknowledge the inevitability of their forced closeness, and get on with it.
"We'll both strip to a single layer, and pile extra blankets on top," Azula suggested pragmatically.
"Right." He turned around and took off his coat and shirt, leaving his undershirt, suddenly incredibly self-conscious. He untied his boots, while she spread another quilt on top of the largest bed.
She climbed in first, and he lay down on his back beside her, careful not to touch. He stared at the ceiling, wondering how he would ever fall asleep. His left side, close to her, felt somewhat warm, but he had to tense the right side of his body to keep it from shivering.
He felt her hand on his wrist. "You're still cold. Here." She reached across him for his other arm and turned away from him, curling onto her side. Her hand pulled his arm around her waist as she moved, settling them into a spooning position. The soles of her feet found the tops of his, and exquisite warmth began to spread through his numb toes.
"Comfortable?" she asked.
The word was not adequate. The nape of Azula's neck was right in front of his chin, and he wanted nothing more than to kiss it. Her hair smelled enticing, like black pepper, cinnamon, and amber. He could feel the delicate bones of her shoulder blades resting against his chest through their two thin shirts. His arm was sandwiched between her forearm and her stomach, his fingers wedged under her side. Every place their bodies touched was warm.
Raiden relaxed completely. It seemed that though his brain was still somewhat anxious about what a relationship with the Fire Lord might mean, his body trusted her at least this much.
"Yes. Thank you," he murmured. How will I ever get over her, after getting this close? he wondered despairingly. I'll be dreaming of this night for the rest of my life.
"Good night," she whispered, shifting her shoulders a little.
"Night," he repeated, drowsy. Lulled by her warmth, he fell quickly into sleep.
Azula woke just before dawn, as always. She had slept so deeply that it took an effort to remember where she was, but the solid body in her arms reminded her.
She recalled pulling Raiden into a spooning position, thinking that it would be the most impersonal way for them to sleep closely enough to share warmth. How wrong she'd been. Though she couldn't see his face, she could feel his breath on her shoulder, where her skin ached for the touch of his lips. Their bodies fit together perfectly. His chest to her back, his arm around her waist, he had surrounded her, cradled her. It felt like the cure to all her loneliness. Even after his breathing slowed and his arm around her grew heavy, she had stayed awake and still a long time, savoring the contact. She never wanted to sleep any other way again.
Somehow in the night they had switched positions, though. Now he lay on his back, her head pillowed on his shoulder. The front of her body pressed along the length of his side, her knee over his thigh. His arm curled around her back, and her hand rested over his heart. His other hand held it there. Azula's face had never been so close to his; she could see his pores and individual eyelashes in the first hint of dawn light. Relaxed in sleep, Raiden looked younger, almost unnervingly innocent. She wanted to reach across him and explore his chest with her fingers, to pull her leg up so that it rested over his hips, or even to roll on top of him.
Once, she would have done exactly that. She had imagined similar scenes for her honeymoon with Aang. Back then, plotting to seduce a man by forcing him into intense proximity overnight would have been perfectly logical for her, even natural.
But now, she refused to treat Raiden that way. He had agreed only to sleep. In fact, she was wrong to linger.
It was a matter of a few seconds for her to wake, desire, remember, and resist. She sat up in bed abruptly and slipped out of the heavy covers before she went any further.
He stirred, turning his head toward the space she had vacated, rolling into its warmth. She crossed the room to get dressed and heat up some of their frozen water for tea.
"Good morning," he said behind her a few minutes later. His voice was deeper than usual, which made it sound incredibly sexy.
"Good morning," she echoed, turning back to him. His hair had fallen out of his topknot, covering one of his eyes in an adorable, rakish way. Her fingers itched to brush it back, to tie it in his usual high ponytail, but that would have been a startlingly intimate gesture.
The tea was ready. She picked up his shirt and jacket from the chair he had dropped them in the night before, and handed them to him, along with a cup of hot tea. It felt a little odd waiting on him, when usually numerous servants waited on her, but she also kind of liked it.
He appeared taken aback by the gesture. "Thank you." She smiled at him, then turned to look through the bags for their breakfast pastries. When he was dressed, she handed him one.
Soon, they were outside, walking through the cold dawn into the deep forest. She wondered if he'd enjoyed the night they'd spent in each others' arms, and if that would make her more likely to succeed in persuading him to date her. For her part, she wanted him more than ever. But they seemed to have silently agreed not to discuss it
Author's Note: What do you think? Let me know in a review! I hope you're excited for next week's chapter! It's probably my favorite in the whole story!