Tonight I saw

how the peony crumples

in the fire's embers

―Shuson Kato

Ayame had lived a quiet, uneventful life in the forest since time immemorial. Despite watching animals die, kill and eat each other every day, her incorporeal body remained unharmed by it all. She belonged to the forest but she was like the wind and the sunlight – simply existing to sustain and balance the world.

In fact, she lived such an uneventful life that if she were to exchange the days before she met Gin-san and after he cast her aside, there would be little difference. The only difference would be that the days that followed felt emptier and sadder. Time had gotten slower and she, just like the weather, spent her days resigned to her fate.

And really, until that morning – she never truly knew physical agony.

The poison was quick to take effect. She knew it was potent. After all, she picked the healthiest, most mature leaves to kill herself with. Deep green and leathery in texture, every leaf has had time to ripen its toxins under the sun.

It was bitter at first. She stood there consuming it in silence, having not known any taste apart from Gin-san's lips when he kissed her last night, so it was an entirely new experience for her. Her whole body shuddered from the unpleasantness of it all.

Then as if struck by a spell, she lost her balance. She caught herself on the door behind her, barely able to keep herself standing. The rain began to pour but its sound was deafened when a ringing sound came to her ears.

A terrible wave of nausea came upon her but she quickly placed her hand on her mouth. The poison needed to remain in her body for a little bit more. Otherwise, she doesn't know if she will be able to do it again. She, as Tsukuyo, needs to die now.

When she raised her head to look at her surroundings, she only saw doubles of everything. The entire room looked like it had split itself into its real form and its alternate shadow like some sort of trickery. All of a sudden, she felt like she was peering into a stranger's home. She didn't belong there, and the owner will soon walk into the room and find her. Upon that thought, a primal fear arose from deep within her. Her heart began to thump and her body felt clammy.

She tried to leave. But as soon as she took a step forward, she collapsed on the floor like a sack. Paralyzed and terrified, all she could do was watch the swirling ceiling spin her into oblivion.

When she came to, she realized that the owner had already found her. But he didn't hurt nor banish her. Instead, she felt that he was holding her tenderly with a hand on her back. It was warm and comforting. Then, softly, he called her Tsukuyo. By his voice, she immediately remembered that it belonged to the samurai whom she loved so dearly.

'Is that you, Gin-san…? Why are you calling me by that name?'

She tried to open her eyes, eager to see him. Amid the blur in her vision, she made out the shape of his face, the color of his eyes and his hair. He looked as handsome as she remembered.

She opened her mouth to tell him that he should be calling her Ayame, but the poison had already sapped all energy out of her body.

Failing to tell him a word, she succumbed to sleep.

There were breaks in her consciousness.

She heard Gin-san arguing with a person in the room. Unlike Gin-san's, the other person's voice was unfamiliar and mirthless, likely belonging to an old man. Gin-san's, on the other hand, was filled with tension – as if he was ready to burst into a fit of anger anytime soon.

She couldn't understand a word they were saying.

She also didn't know what it was that they poured down her throat. But for a few seconds, it provided her with relief. All the clamoring in her body had stilled, and for once, she didn't feel so cold.

It took her a while to realize that something wasn't quite right with the stillness. It was like a sudden hush in the forest. When complete silence descends the forest, every leaf and critter is holding their breath from something ominous.

Then she screamed. All the pain and ill she'd been feeling till then had returned to pay her back ten-fold. It was pure agony, like someone had set her on fire and all her skin and bones had started melting from the blaze. There was no relief. At that moment, she longed for death. And so death came for her.

Or so she thought.

She was brought into an empty, dark world. It was cold and silent, as if the passage of time had ground into a halt or altogether been made meaningless by the endless abyss surrounding her.

Ayame fell on her knees, her whole body shivering. The agony still lingered on her skin, so she could hardly believe it was over. She hugged herself, even squeezing her arm to make sure she was still alive.

'What have I done?' she asked herself. Her past life felt like a terrible dream. She tried but could only remember parts of it– as if she were just picking up fragments of broken glass on the floor.

She heard footsteps in the distance. Beyond her stood a woman with short blond hair and a scar on her face. She had the blankest gaze on her eyes, making her look like a vessel that was as empty as the world they were in right now.

Slowly, she raised her arm and pointed to her right.

Ayame turned her head to see and saw her wisteria tree in the distance. There it stood as beautifully as she remembered, glowing against the darkness, its branches heavy with blooms. She hasn't seen it bloom for many years and always blamed herself for that. Her immense grief had crept up on the tree like disease, drying its branches of buds that would ever form. Ayame could not describe the feeling of relief when she smelled its sweet fragrance again.

'That's my home. I'm finally going back home,' she told herself. Its sight immediately brought her comfort. It was her precious tree, cherished and protected by Gin-san. She couldn't wait to return to it where she could watch over him for the rest of his days.

Despite the trembling of her legs, she stood up and walked. But as she drew nearer to it, she saw it start to crumble and fade away.

"No! Where are you going?" she cried, trying to reach for it, her knees nearly buckling down. They felt like sticks on the verge of breaking.

She only managed to graze the fragments of the tree with her fingertips. It had already disintegrated in the wind. Her knees gave out. Panting, she faced the soulless woman from earlier who pointed her to the tree. Anger and hurt surged within Ayame against her.

But the blond woman too, had begun walking away. With her back turned to Ayame, she slowly headed deeper into the darkness until she was swallowed by the shadows.

Ayame had the strange feeling that she saw the death of something. A memory perhaps, or of a person.

"Wait!" she yelled, her voice tinged with anger. She tried to run after the woman but to her shock, the floor beneath her gave out.

She started to fall into a deep, deep abyss. As she plunged into the bottom of the void, time had also begun to move. With it, her memories started rushing into her like a river. All the sadness, happiness, and her centuries of empty days. She remembered fleeing for the first time in life when humans started cutting down her tree. Her– seeking refuge in the only wisteria left in the forest, and seeing Gin-san for the first time when he saved her that day. She remembered the moment she fell in love with him and then when her heart broke altogether. Then she remembered trying to revive his dying wife and doing what she did to lessen his heartbreak. She realized that she simply wanted to be loved by him too.

As she remembered all this, tears rushed forth her eyes.

"Ayame, what a lonely being you are," she told herself. She closed her eyes and accepted her death. Bright rays of light started to leak into her eyelids, flashing colors she'd never seen before.

'This is my time to restart,' she thought wistfully.

She heard the rain first. This time, there's no more ringing in her ears to block its raging sound. No more lightheadedness, nausea, and a sickening clamminess on her entire body. The rain pelted her entirety with its millions of tiny droplets, as though washing away remnants of yesterday. She was well.

Ever so slowly, she opened her eyes.

She saw, against the dark weeping sky, the beautiful face of Gin-san looming above hers. His hair had been soaked by the rain that some silvery strands had clung to his jaws. His eyes, for the first time, were not dark nor fiery. Instead, they looked like lost and confused pools of red. Gin-san was staring at her wide-eyed, his brows crumpled, and his lips partly opened as if he wanted to say something but was suddenly out of words.

'Why do you look so troubled, Gin-san?' she wondered idly.

She raised a hand to touch his cheek, wanting nothing but to comfort him. But as she reached for him, he spoke, stopping her hand midway.

"What…are you doing here?" His voice was shaky. Ayame could not decide if it was the cold's fault or an intense emotion he was keeping down.

"You're not Tsukuyo," he finalized.

The cold must have finally seeped into her bones that her body had started to tremble uncontrollably. Dropping her hand to her side, she realized that her touch was no longer welcome. She laid in Gin-san's arms, unmoving– yet having nothing else but the urge to leave.

Despite her stillness, she started to barrage herself with questions. Her heart was beating furiously.

'Now I just realized. I should have returned to my tree by now. Why am I still here? Why does this physical body have my appearance? It should have died along with Tsukuyo. Did what I see in that abyss mean anything? Why–"

A sinking feeling started to creep into her stomach. It was the realization that all her work was starting to come undone. Looking straight at Gin-san with the most petrified look in her eyes, she tried to explain things.

"G-Gin-san, I–"

Suddenly, a sharp rock hit her straight on the face. She cried from the force of impact, immediately bringing a hand to that area. Her cheekbone had started to bleed onto her fingers. Another rock came flying in, and this time it barely missed Gin-san.

Horrified, she scrambled up and realized that they were surrounded by townspeople– the very same ones who cut down wisteria trees in the mountain years ago, including her home, and nearly killed her. They were the same people who rushed into Gin-san's home and threatened to cut the last wisteria tree where she fled and took refuge in. The same fear she felt that day began to creep into her chest.

She saw three people pick up rocks from their feet. They were trying to stone her to death.

Her quick thinking reminded her of her ability to transfer into aetherial form.

Mustering all her focus and courage, she closed her eyes and drew forth her power. But, she felt nothing happen. She opened eyes and looked at both of her hands. The one that held her cheek was still stained red by blood.

'No, no. I have to make this happen.'

She tried again and closed her eyes. A rock whizzed past her ear. Again, her power didn't work. She attempted once more. A rock managed to hit her on the arm, disrupting her focus.

She wanted to try one more time. But then, she had the horrifying realization that she'd already become human. That maybe–just maybe–she had unknowingly absorbed Tsukuyo's physical form during her time of fighting against death and made it hers. Transforming into her spirit form was futile right from the start.

She heard the villagers incite the others to join them in stoning her.

She clenched her eyes shut and braced herself. She heard the rapid clinking of metal against rocks and their thuds on the ground. She realized that she was unhurt. When she opened her eyes, she saw Gin-san in front of her, his back facing her with his sword ready in a stance.

He deflected the stones.

A villager stepped forward from the crowd.

"Sakata-san! What is the meaning of this?! Do you realize what that woman is?!" he shouted with vehemence.

Gin-san lowered his sword.

"You should be the one explaining yourselves why you are suddenly stoning a woman to death."

"Get away from her at once, Gin-san!" another shouted but this time, Ayame recognized the voice. Then, out of the crowd came the two youths who accompanied him the previous night – the boy with spectacles and the orange-haired girl. The girl was particularly looking straight at her with cold, bright blue eyes.

It was Gin-san's turn to face them.

"Shinpachi? Kagura? What are you doing here?" he asked, his voice visibly confused. "And what do you mean–"

Shinpachi walked forward and fixed his glasses. Then, with a low voice spoken with conviction, he said,

"Gin-san, the woman who greeted you last night was no longer your wife, Tsukuyo. That lilac-haired woman behind you, I'm afraid, killed her to take her place."

Slowly, Gin-san turned around and faced her. Then, steadily, he raised his sword and pointed the tip of his blade on her neck.

a/n: Please leave your comments, they'll be greatly appreciated. Thank you for reading.