A/N: Ahem. Hi. Bet you never thought you'd see this, huh? I gave up writing fanfic over six years ago and honestly, I've been asked time and time again if I would finish this, and I always said I didn't think I would. But I thought about it, again and again. And then about 4-5 days ago, someone asked me about Still Breathing. And I took the next few days to read over She's Breathing and Still Breathing and I realized they really deserve an ending, and I think I can finally do it. So now... here we are. I'm rusty, and I haven't watched TWD in literally years, so my memory of the characters and events is not the best. Plus I don't have a beta reader or even anyone to really discuss it with. But I still love Bethyl, and I think this fic deserves an ending, so I'm doing to try. Just please go easy on me. (Also I wrote half of this chapter like 5-6 years ago and finished the other half yesterday, so, hopefully it all works.)
She moved alone through the empty streets of the small, abandoned town. Leaves rustled at her feet, and in the distance, a shudder snapped against the side of a house. But there was nothing living in sight, not walkers nor the familiar solid shapes of her family keeping pace with her. As she clutched her knife close to her chest, a cold breeze swirled around her, bringing with it a familiar voice that chilled her far more than the coolness of the air.
"There's my good girl, Bethy. Be a good girl for me, c'mere Bethy, come right here, let's come to an agreement…"
From the windows and doors and spaces between the buildings came dark ribbons of smoke. His voice echoed within them as they coiled like snakes, circling her, constricting tighter and tighter. Moments before the streets had been empty but now through the haze of darkness she could see dark shapes coming towards her. Their badges glinted through the writhing smoke and the guns clutched in their hands seemed darker than the shadows; their mere presence lent a metallic tang to the air, scenting it with the iron of gunpowder.
She could hear the scratching of claws on pavement behind her, unseen creatures stalking closer and closer beneath the cover of the shadowy smoke, their movements matching those of the shadowy men in front of her. Beth went rigid as the sounds assaulted her from all sides; heavy booted footsteps, a low raspy laugh, the howling of wolves and the snapping of sharp-toothed jaws all echoing through the smoke… but even worse, whispering through it all was his low and unctuous voice, bringing with it a scent of rot that clung to the inside of her nostrils.
"You and me, Bethy, let's work something out."
Beth.
"Gooooood giiiiiiirl… Bethy, good girl…"
Beth!
Gruff and firm, the last call of her name shot through her mind, a bright tendril ricocheting through the haze and fog. She gripped tightly to that tendril and pulled herself up—
—and sat up in bed, chest heaving and eyes wide as she dragged in sharp, panicked breaths and struggled to push away the heavy weight on her chest that felt more like grasping hands than a simple blanket.
"S'alright," came that voice beside her, low and rough but warm all at once, wrapping around her like an embrace and sinking through every inch of her right to her core. "You're awake, Beth. Wherever y'were right then… it weren't real. You're here now, with me. You're home."
Home.
Her eyes darted for a second to the nearby window, lit by the rising sun. For a moment everything beyond it was unfamiliar; she didn't know where she was still, and the thought very nearly made her panic again. Her mind was still half-caught in the haze of her dream; trapped in the twisting nightmarish halls of the hospital, or the wolf-stalked streets of a small mountain town… and then a hand pressed to her back warm and firm, fingers spread like branches to brace against her spine and ground her.
She blinked, and the view through the slightly-warped glass came into focus. Haven. They'd resided here for almost six months now, and still it caught her off guard every morning, as if she couldn't quite be sure that it was real. Through the window she could see the glint of the light on the water of the lake, the sun just barely enough above it that she knew that those who hadn't pulled night watch duty on the wall would just be waking now. Judith would be cooing in Rick's arms in the little chair in her tiny nursery, Maggie and Glenn would be sitting on the porch hand in hand just quietly sharing time together, Noah's mother Alberta would be preparing breakfast for far more than just those who shared their home…
They all had their routines, now. They all had their homes.
With that thought Beth turned, and her gaze settled on the man sitting up in bed beside her; his dark hair tousled by sleep but his blue eyes sharp with worry and fully awake. The view from the window might have baffled her every morning, the reality of it questionable at best… but this man? For her, Daryl Dixon was never anything but real. The moment their eyes met a smile tugged at the corners of her lips, and as it rose she saw the lingering worry dissipating from Daryl's eyes. You're here now. You're home. She leaned into him, wrapping her arms around him and drawing him back down to the bed until she could burrow into his side and breathe in deep, filling her nose with his warm, familiar scent.
Soon they'd get up and have breakfast and head out to see what work needed to be done for the day. But for now, Beth was content to just lay here in Daryl's arms. Safe, and at home.
For his part, Daryl didn't seem to mind one bit. He simply lay back against the flannel sheets, drawing her up to his chest and snaking a strong arm over her back. After a moment his chin tipped down, the scruff of it resting on her head as she pressed her cheek to the warm skin of his chest. The hand not resting on her back lifted, work-roughened fingers brushing down over her hair until the pale tendrils tangled around his knuckles, and he exhaled a low sigh.
He said nothing, but he never did once she was awake. His silence wasn't closed off, though, and not the least bit cold. It was an open silence like a pair of outstretched arms held with no expectation; run into them or don't, the choice is yours. They'll be here, regardless.
Sometimes Beth chose not to run, chose to just lay here in the morning quiet with him, her ears filled with the sound of his deep breaths and the faint rhythmic thumping of his heart as the world outside their snug little home came awake along with them. Today though, she felt herself pressing closer, accepting those open arms as more than just an embrace.
"It was the village, this time. The one with the wolves. But he was there, too." She never had to say who he was. She was plagued with nightmares to be sure. But if the nights turned her mind into a stage upon which her worst memories and deepest fears acted out a new and twisted story every night, then Gorman was the one who held the headlining role. It was as if his name flickered across a rusted, cobweb-covered marquee in the deepest recesses of her mind. Whether it was about him or what he'd come to stand for in her mind, Beth didn't really know… he was always there, regardless.
"Sometimes I wonder if it'll ever…" She started to speak but her voice trailed off, turning to whispers that ghosted across Daryl's chest as the rise of his deep breath lifted her body with him.
"They will stop, y' know. Eventually." His words vibrated, not just from within his chest but through her. It was just what she needed to hear; but that wasn't why he was saying it. That was one of the things she loved about Daryl. He never said something because he thought she needed to hear it. He said things only because he believed them. Which meant that he believed was he was saying now, believed every word falling from his lips. "You know you're already havin' them less and less, Beth. Even if it don't seem like it, especially after y' wake up from another one of 'em. But trust me. I'm here for every single one of 'em, right along with you. Ain't I?"
"Yeah," Beth exhaled, a hint of tension easing from her body so that the tight muscles of her back relaxed beneath his hand. His hand stirred, fingers brushing slowly over her sleep-warmed skin, tracing the dip between the strong muscles of her back. She could feel herself relaxing even more, as if his fingers were strumming across her skin, plucking the strings that released her tension both inside and out. "You're always here. You always pull me out of them."
"Mhm." The hummed word rumbled through them both as Daryl's fingers splayed across her back and cupped the back of her head to hold her even closer. He tilted his head down, and his lips brushed across her head, trailing over her sleep-mussed hair as he murmured in a near-whisper against her temple, "An' it's easier every time, Beth. It'll get better. Just like it has before. Remember?"
His words brought a clarity to her own mind, pushing aside the lingering shadows of the nightmare from where they had clung to her mind. He was right, of course. The nightmares always seemed to ease, in time. She remembered the days—or rather the nights—after the hospital, when the nightmares had woken her every single time she'd fallen asleep, sometimes more than once in a night. Always better in his arms, when she slept beside him, but plaguing her nonetheless. Over time they'd lessened, shortened, eased their hold on her… until something else had happened to spark them again. The Hunters and their near escape. Richmond and those days spent caged inside a town that made every inch of her feel trapped and unable to breathe.
And Haven, unexpectedly. From the first night they had stayed here, the nightmares had returned. Beth had been so sure at first that they were some kind of omen, some sort of warning. It had been Daryl—or at least, talking it over with Daryl—that had helped her to see the truth. The nightmares weren't a warning of something bad about to happen here, but a sign of her fears that something would. Was it any surprise that after finally finding some place she thought might truly be good, Beth might be terrified of just what might go wrong?
After all, what had happened the last time she'd allowed herself to think: We can live here. We can live here for the rest of our lives.
"S'alright to be afraid," Daryl murmured, repeating the reassuring words he'd told her more than once, whispering them in the safe silence of their snug little bedroom loft as the rising sun washed the wooden walls in warm pale light. "Just can't let it get hold of you too much, right? Gotta put it away."
The echoed words, a sign of just how far they'd both come, made Beth smile and snuggle a little closer to him beneath their covers. She tilted her head, dragging her nose over his neck as she breathed out, "Or at least some of it. I think if we started trapping everything we felt away inside of us again, both those books of ours would leap back off the bookshelf and smack us over the heads."
With that, both of them were laughing, shattering the last bit of darkness in the air as her giggles and his rumbling chuckles mingled in the air. When their laughter finally trailed off, the air felt warmer, yet lighter at the same time, as if their lightheartedness had buoyed their spirits, lifting the weight right off her shoulders.
Daryl leaned in, pressing one more kiss to the top of her head as he murmured, "An' you know I'm here, for th' bits you can't just put away."
"So am I, for you," Beth murmured, the huskiness of sleep still clinging to her voice. "Dixon and Greene, right?"
"Mhm." Another chuckle rumbled low in his chest as he added, "Although I think Dixon and Greene are scheduled for the after-breakfast watch shift, which means we should probably get out of bed soon…"
"Soon isn't now." Beth smiled against his skin, her lips curving up where they were pressed into the crook of his neck, and she knew from the brush of his thumb across her back that he felt it. Pressing soft kisses up to his jaw and slowly over the chiseled line of it, she wheedled, "Ten more minutes?"
"Greene..."
"Okay okay…" Her lips grazed the corner of his mouth, and shifted to hover just over his lips as she countered in a playful whisper, "Five minutes?"
"Deal."
He might have grumbled the word a bit, but Beth knew he didn't really mind. Not judging by the way he sealed it with a slow, firm kiss.
It was a good twenty minutes later when Beth and Daryl finally stepped out onto the little porch of their small cabin and closed the door behind them. To be fair, only about ten minutes of that had been spent lingering in bed (despite the 'deal' having been five minutes). The rest of it had been spent washing up a bit and getting dressed, before they'd finally headed out for today.
They walked down the beaten path with the row of cabins to their left and the lake to their right. The lake glistened with a wash of peach and yellow reflected from the rising morning sun. It was one of Beth's favorite views, just as it had been since the day they'd first arrived here. They'd accomplished so much though, in the months since then, and the evidence was all around them as they made their way towards the house shared by Alberta, Noah, Ivy, and Hank.
As they crossed from their home towards the one shared by Maggie and Glenn, Beth glanced down the space between the two. The land, once a stretch of overgrown grass, had been cut down somewhat to make room for a garden. Beyond it, cutting off the view of the forest in the distance, was their biggest line of protection from the world beyond. Gone was the makeshift wall of vehicles and RVs that had protected them in those first few weeks. Now, the perimeter of the land not bordered by the lake was marked by a tall wooden palisade. They had built it themselves from trees cut down in the nearby woods over the course of a couple weeks, each one sharpened before being slotted into holes dug into the ground. The wall had been bound together only by ropes at first, and then strengthened with smaller cross-pieces nailed to the wall once they'd scavenged a better supply of nails.
It wasn't their only defense, of course. From here she could see the twin dark shapes of the people on watch, pacing the tops of the RVs that were parked against the inner wall at equal distance to serve as watch towers. Invisible from within the walls were the numerous traps built out beyond it, including strategically placed ditches dug some distance out, and wooden spikes close to the walls, like they'd used at the prison. (It had been Beth who had discovered the name for them while pouring over one of the books they'd scavenged: chevaux de frise.)
In fact, a lot of the additions to their new home had been found in the books that Beth had insisted on taking the time to look for on runs. It had been in those books that they'd learned how to create the rainwater-collecting barrels like the one she and Daryl passed by now, made from old garbage barrels they had bleached and cleaned and assembled into something new. There was one by four of the homes now, storing and filtering rainwater for drinking or irrigation, and they hoped to find supplies to make a couple more on one of their next runs.
The books had also helped with the building of their first vegetable garden, too; though there was plenty both Maggie and Beth knew from their father, they needed all the help they could get. It was small for now, taking up the space behind the fourth and fifth cabins, planted for late crops (kale, lettuce, carrots, turnips, radishes, and more) in anticipation of the coming winter.
There was so much more they wanted to do, so much more Beth wanted to do, and the thoughts tumbled through her mind in no particular order as she and Daryl walked side-by-side down the now-worn path in front of the cabins. After breakfast, but before their turn on watch, she wanted to check the small herb garden next to their little cottage, and see if it was time to move some of the buckets they were growing in into the house for the winter. She also wanted to take a look at their latest acquisition; a breeding pair of rabbits that were the start of their potential future 'herd', currently taking up residence in a makeshift hutch behind Rick, Michonne, Carl, and Judy's cabin.
But it was hard to concentrate on those plans when the settlement was in motion all around them, just as she'd imagined it would be back when they'd still been lying in bed. Up ahead, she could see Maggie and Glenn heading up the stairs to Hank and Alberta's cabin, turning back to wave at them before ducking through the door. Her gaze turned to the right, and she called out with a wave, "Good morning, Eugene! How are the fish this morning?" The once awkward, stilted-speaking man was standing down at the shore of the lake barefoot with his jeans rolled up around his ankles, pulling on ropes to pull up their traps from beneath the water. The funneled baskets, made from small saplings, willow bark, and other leaves, had been made by the surprisingly inventive Eugene, who had proudly taken to checking the traps every morning for fish.
As he pulled one out of the water, holding it upright so he could peer down into the opening, he smiled and then called back to them, "Looks like fish for dinner tonight! Alberta should be happy…"
They all would be. They were far from starving, but even after a few months here they were still settling in, still trying to find ways to make meals a regular, solid thing without having to supplement them by breaking into their solid but not endless stash of canned food. Between the rabbits caught in the traps outside the fence, the fish from the lake, the occasional deer she and Daryl brought back, and the harvest from their new garden, they were doing pretty well.
If it showed in any of them the most, Beth thought it had to be Judy. Despite the fact that they had all always given up their food if they could to feed the little one, there was no denying that it was hard to keep a baby well fed when you could barely feed yourself. But as they passed by Tara and Rosita's cabin towards the next, the little girl who greeted them with a delighted, albeit high-pitched cry was as chubby and healthy as any 17 month old baby should be.
"Bef! Dawul!" From her spot in Rick's arms, Judy waved her chubby little arms at the pair of them and gave another happy little squeal that was starting to become very familiar to all of them.
Of course Beth just couldn't resist that squeal, or Judy's waving arms or sweet face or attempts to say their name. "Hello sweet pea," she greeted her, veering briefly off the path to stand at the bottom of the steps and smile up at both Judy and her Dad. "Good morning, Rick. She sleep well last night?"
"Not too bad," he replied with a smile, though she saw a hint of tiredness in his eyes as he went on, "She was up real early this morning, though. Before the sun, even."
"Now now, Judy, are you gettin' your Daddy up before the sun now? I thought we had a talk about that! Have you forgotten our agreement already?" With a laugh echoed by the toddler, Beth climbed up two steps and reached for her briskly. In a voice that brooked no argument, she stated, "Give her over. Daryl and I will take her to breakfast and make sure she eats. You go get some rest!" For a second she eyed him up and down, and then added with a knowing little smile. "You and Michonne both. Go on, now. I know you need it, don't argue…"
Rick just shook his head, but as he handed the bouncing baby over to Beth, he glanced over her shoulder to Daryl and joked, "Can't ever argue when Beth gets that tone, can you?"
"Nah," Daryl shot back with a lazy grin. "S'why I don't even bother to try."
"Hey!" Beth remarked, tsking at him as she headed back with Judy in her arms. Briefly ignoring the baby, who was happily playing with her long blonde braid, Beth leaned into Daryl and whispered, "You like it when I get that tone. Don't try and deny it, Daryl Dixon."
There was no denial on his lips, only a smirk that slipped across them, echoed by the slide of his arm around her lower back as he chuckled and nudged them back onto the path. Rick's own laugh, and the sound of his closing front door, echoed behind them as they continued past his cabin, waving to Rosita and Tara, who had come out of their home just past and made their way to breakfast hand-in-hand, just in front of them.
Between Rosita, Tara, and Eugene's cabin, and the one Alberta claimed as not only home but the official communal dining room, they paused to wave at Tyreese and Sasha on guard in the distance, and then closed the gap to reach the steps and climb to the cabin porch. With Judith heavy in her arms and cooing in her ear, and Daryl's hand firm and steady on her back, Beth stepped through the door of the cabin and into an open space filled with the smell of breakfast (venison bacon, apples, and hash browns made from their own community-grown potatoes) and the clamor of friendly, familiar voices. For the moment, her nightmare was as far away as it could be. They had a long way to go still, of course they did. But right now… things were good.
After a long morning and early afternoon spent on watch, alternating between pacing back and forth to keep stimulated, switching the shoulder she carried the strap of her heavy crossbow on, and smiling over at Daryl where he stood across the way on top of the other RV, Beth was ready for a nap. Unfortunately, she didn't have time for one, at least not yet.
With Ivy and Noah taking over watch after them, Beth and Daryl made their way right back to the cabins for the planned afternoon meeting. They had a lot of meetings these days, to the point that Beth occasionally rolled her eyes and joked that she felt like she was back at school or something. But she knew Daryl saw right through that. She knew that he knew how pleased she was, to be asked go to each and every one of those meetings. Not just as the girl they handed Judy off to before getting down to the 'adult' business, but as a valued, respected contributor.
Like she was now, sitting at Rick's kitchen table with Daryl's hand resting lightly on her knee as she leaned forward a bit to peer over at the map that had been spread out on the top of the table.
"On their last scouting trip, Beth and Daryl found a couple places we might try to make runs for next." Rick's voice, though low, nonetheless rang out over the table so that everyone present could hear. At Haven, as they were calling it now, pretty much everyone had a say. They'd all agreed that a community functioned best with a democracy, though Rick was still viewed as the leader by many. Still there was a smaller group that tended to handle certain things, especially discussions about supply runs and the like.
There was Rick, of course, and Daryl and Beth, as well as Michonne, Carol, Maggie and/or Glenn, sometimes together, other times only one of them if the other was busy. Usually at least one of what Beth mentally referred to as the "DC people" made an appearance; Abraham, or Eugene, or Rosita. Today Rosita was there, sitting alongside Maggie and Glenn both, everyone around the table looking down at the map unfolded on top of it.
"We've worked through all of our perimeter now," Daryl remarked, "And fully mapped the last of the five mile radius."
"And we found two more homes." Beth leaned forward over the table, her nimble fingers plucking two stars from the packet of stickers she held in her hand and pressing them to the map, "This right here—" With the pad of her thumb she pressed down a silver sticker and fixed it to the spot on the map that featured a little 'x' on the matching, albeit grubbier map in Daryl's hands. "—is a small one-room cabin, nice and solid and still in good shape, and here—" This time she pressed a green star down a short distance away, as she went on, "—a larger house, with a small garden, and a root cellar. We brought a little from the root cellar, though by now a lot of it was rotted. I had better luck with the herb garden. A couple things we didn't have before, including echinacea and feverfew." She looked up at the group with a faint smile. "Those are good for cold, flu, and headaches. Always beneficial to have."
At first glance, the sticker-covered map probably looked silly, especially with the colored foil stars glinting in the sunlight from the windows. But in truth, it was a surprisingly useful system, even if the stickers still occasionally made Beth remember being a kid in school and getting little stars pressed to a chart for good behavior. They used the silver for houses that had general supplies or might be demolished and turned to materials for construction, and green for places that were potential sources of food, be it pantries of canned food, gardens, or otherwise. Blue stars marked water sources like wells and streams, but especially small ponds or places stocked with fish; they might have had a lake of their own but it was always useful to know. Red, of course, was for danger, as it always had been. Areas with a larger amount of walkers, or places that seemed risky were marked with red stars. Finally, gold stars were left for larger areas, the places they would eventually mark for the big runs now that the camp was relatively secure.
Their original plan had been to first work in a grid through the area that surrounded Haven. The swatch of forested land had mostly contained cabins and other vacation homes; it didn't sound like much, but out in the middle of nowhere as it was, much of the homes had been untouched. They'd built up a good base of supplies on those runs, including a small stock of canned food, fishing supplies, some tools for hunting and trapping, several axes that had come in handy during the creation of their first fence, other camping supplies, and even a pair of rifles and a couple more hunting knives. There had also been a garden at one of the cabins up in the hills, and they'd spent a couple days carefully digging up the overgrown plants and bringing them back to Haven to be planted in their garden instead.
Now the plan was to start going further afield on longer trips, leaving the mountains and making their way into nearby towns or whatever might count for towns in the general area. To that end, Beth and Daryl had recently gone on a scouting trip; just the two of them, making their way through the woods past the five mile boundary and following the worn, reliable map that Daryl currently held in his lap. Now, for a moment, she remembered the peace of those moments; the quiet of it being just the pair of them in the woods together, side-by-side, a simple team. She liked being here, making a home here with their family, but there was no denying she enjoyed the time out there with Daryl at her side. It was just the balance they both needed. (And if they took the time to make love outside on a bed of leaves with no one to overhear or what in on them, well, who could blame them?)
Pushing aside the more emotional memories of that last scouting trip to focus instead on the facts and findings, Beth plucked two gold stars from the packet of stickers and leaned over the map once more. "About six miles north east, there's a good-sized vineyard. Grapes, of course, though they're pretty overgrown. But there's lots of fencing we might be able to tear down and find a use for, and tons of good, solid barrels inside that we can find a lot of uses for."
"Plenty of uses for wine," Daryl remarked gruffly, lifting his head to give the others a hint of a smirk. "Uses that ain't drinkin', anyway." He let the others chuckle for a moment, before going on, "S'good for compostin', for one. Might be able to use it as a disinfectant if it's strong enough."
Beth shifted subtly in her seat, barely enough to notice but enough for her to now feel the press of Daryl's arm against her own as she added helpfully, "You can also use it to make jelly, and vinegar. Plus, we could use it as a dye. Just ideas."
As she saw the others nodding in consideration, Beth leaned across the table and reached past the vineyard, pressing her second star to a spot marked by a convergence of roads. "And this, about 12 or so miles away, is the closest town this side of the lake. It's not too big at all. I think the sign we saw said the population was… what was it?"
"316," Daryl replied gruffly, with a little nod. "Or it was. Reckon it's more like 0, now." He paused, and then conceded, "0 alive, anyway."
On that note, Beth reached down, peeling off a red sticker and pressing it to the map just beside the gold one. "We didn't go into the town, just found a couple viewpoints nearby. Like I said, it's not too big. Mostly churches, and houses, all spread out. But it's still big enough to have a small food mart, and a hardware store."
"Figure it's a good enough place to start. We go beyond that, we're getting into Clayton, and that's a lot bigger. More people, more walkers." Daryl rubbed his fingers across his chin and then sighed, but though his voice sounded rough and resigned, there was a hint of a smirk on his lips again as he added, "Clayton's got a Walmart, though."
"Walmart," Glenn exhaled with a little grin. "That's what we need, a good old trip to Walmart. Grab some frozen pizza, some chips and soda, maybe pick up a gun or two…"
"Sounds like you've got your priorities straight," Rick said with a little smirk, matched by chuckles that echoed faintly around the group. "Still, I don't reckon we're up for a big town, or a Walmart just yet."
"Nah-" Beth and Daryl spoke at the same time, the overlapping words cutting off in unison as they both turned to flash the other a smile. With a slight shrug, Daryl let Beth continue on her own, "But the town has potential as a first try, now that we're moving past just local cabins anyway."
Rick scrubbed his hand across his beard, the dark but trimmed fuzz bristling under his fingers as he studied the map with a low thoughtful hum. "How many people, you reckon?"
"For a run?" Daryl looked at Beth for a moment, their eyes meeting in silent communication echoing a discussion they'd had the other day, coming back from their trek to survey the town itself. A tilt of Beth's head was followed by a grunt of Daryl's before he glanced back at Rick and suggested, "Seven, maybe eight? If we wanna have enough for the town, but keep back enough people to guard this place, anyway."
Rick nodded in agreement. His fingers tapped lightly on the table as he silently pondered the options, before finally suggesting, "You and Beth, Carol, Tyreese, Sasha, Rosita, Maggie and Glenn? Michonne and I can stay back to guard everything."
Beth opened her mouth to agree, but before she could, Maggie cleared her throat and cut in. "I won't be able to go." As the gazes of everyone there turned to her in curiosity, Maggie ducked her head, averting her eyes. Was that a flush on her cheeks? Beth's eyes narrowed in consideration, studying her sister. "I'm not feeling well. It's nothing, just my stomach bothering me. Probably something I ate. But I don't want to put y'all at risk, not being at full health and all. You should take someone else."
An upset stomach wasn't new to any of them. Sure, they had more fresh food these days, what with the lake and the slowly growing gardens, but they still relied somewhat on canned food and there was always a risk it would get them sick with how old it was. What was odd was that Maggie hadn't mentioned it to her until now. In the last six months, Beth had only grown in experience as their resident nurse, thanks to a collection of books they'd scavenged on herbal medicine and nursing. Their home was still their home, but it was also the camp's pseudo-medical office; in a way. Anyone who was sick always stopped by, hoping Beth could mix up some sort of tonic or tea to help them out. But Maggie hadn't mentioned anything to her recently, not in weeks, maybe even a couple months.
A quick, darted gaze at Daryl confirmed he was just as confused as she was. "Maggie, why didn't you say anything?" She leaned towards her sister, lowering her voice just slightly. "I can easily mix you up something to settle your stomach and you could still come…"
"No." Maggie's response came quickly; so quickly and sharply in fact that it only further roused Beth's suspicions. Glenn sat silently beside her, his own eyes in his lap as Maggie continued, "It's fine. I'll probably be better in a day or two, I just think it's better if someone else goes. How about Carl? Or Noah, he hasn't been on a run in awhile and I'm sure he'd like the experience."
Beth's mental warning bells were ringing away, but she bit back any further questions. Maggie wasn't going to answer them right now. Possibly not at all, but definitely not here in front of everyone, judging by the way both she and Glenn were avoiding making eye contact with everyone. But if she could get her alone, that might be a different story. Diverting attention from Maggie for now, Beth glanced at Rick and said, "I'd love Carl to come, if it's alright with you, Rick?"
Just as she hadn't been oblivious to the way Maggie and Glenn were acting, Beth didn't fail to notice the way Rick took a moment to look up at Michonne. The pair had been good at silent communication for awhile now, but everyone had seen that develop and deepen over the past six months. It was to the point now that though neither of them had ever said anything to make it official, pretty much everyone knew it was. Knew that they were a couple. Frankly, they hadn't needed to say anything. It just made sense. They fit, in the same way her and Daryl fit. Like missing pieces of each other's puzzles.
The thought had her reaching for Daryl's hand where it rested on her knee. Her fingers curled around his in a brief, affectionate squeeze. She felt him shift slightly beside her; body leaning into hers till their shoulders pressed together. His much larger hand curled to cup hers, rough palm sliding against her soft skin until her hand was enveloped by his. They had been together for what felt like so long now and yet it still took all of her self control not to curl into it right there, let him tug her into his lap and hold her close. They might have gotten a little more comfortable with public affection in the last six months, but when it came down to it, they were as private as they'd always been. So despite the urge, she resisted… for now.
Besides, Michonne and Rick seemed to have finished their own little private, silent conversation, and Rick turned back to give Beth a nod. "Carl can come with you. I think he'll enjoy the chance to get out of Haven at least for a little bit."
And out from under Rick's watchful eye, though none of them said that. Carl was a teenager, after all. Forall that he and Rick's relationship had improved since they'd settled in Haven, Carl was still a teen, prone to little fits of rebellion and ego and always wanting to get out from under his father's control. Unfortunately, they lived in a world where Carl couldn't do that in the way most teens would have just a few years prior. The way most of them had had a chance to, even Beth in tiny ways. He couldn't sneak out of his window and climb down a trellis to go to a forbidden party, or stay out past his curfew. He couldn't even skip school, since the closest thing he had were lessons with Beth and Daryl, which were one of the few things he never complained about. The most he could do was grumble about chores here and there and itch to do more.
Beth knew Carl would relish going on a bigger scouting trip with them, which was why she was more than happy to let Rick tell him the good news after they wrapped up the meeting. Let him get the kudos from his son, cement their bond even further. She had other things on her mind.
As the others started to get up and make their way out, Beth leaned over and pressed a kiss to Daryl's cheek. Her lips grazed his ear as she whispered, "I'm going to try and catch up to Maggie and talk to her. You mind taking the slow way home, give us a little privacy? I think she's more likely to talk to me if it's just the two of us."
"S'no problem to me," Daryl murmured back. His voice took on a rough, bemused sort of tone, and his thumb brushed lightly and playfully over her hand as he added, "Though y' might want t' keep your lips away from my ear, if y' want to catch up t' your sister any time soon, girl…"
Now wasn't that a tempting thought… but no, she couldn't give into it. Not the least of which because they were still sitting in the middle of Rick and Michonne's kitchen. So she gave him a little smile and squeezed his hand one last time before she teased, "Alright, alright. But all bets are off tonight when it's just you and me, Dixon."
His smile was slow, his eyes dark and playful as he looked at her from under his ever-present fringe of dark hair. "I'm countin' on it."
There was a promise in both their words and they would keep them. Later.
She told herself that as she reluctantly slipped her hand from his and hurried through the cabin, ignoring the part of her that was acutely aware of his presence behind her. She was always aware of him, or exactly where he was in comparison to her. He was her lodestone, her guiding star. Even—perhaps especially so—in the times they had to be apart.
"Maggie!" She called out for her sister the moment she got outside, gaze casting around the departing group until she spotted Glenn and Maggie to her right, heading towards their cabin. "Gotcha," she murmured to herself, before hurrying to catch up to them.
A few fast, lunging steps and she was coming up beside them both. She could hear them murmuring in low, anxious tones, but whatever they were discussing it was too quiet even for her practiced ears, and they cut off the moment she came up beside them. "Did you think you could get away from me that easily?" Beth slipped her arm into Maggie's and flashed her a bright smile. For just a second, when Maggie turned towards her, she saw a hint of something in her face—guilt, perhaps, even worry or concern? It leant a starkness to her face, which had filled out a little bit in the last few months but still remained too thin for Beth's liking. All of them looked rather similar, frankly. They ate well, for their circumstances, but nothing like any of them used to.
Not wanting to immediately put her sister off, Beth continued easily, "Come along with me and I'll make you a tea to drink for your stomach. No protests! You don't have to come on the run, that's fine, but you also don't need to be sick, alright?" Seeing hesitancy lingering on Maggie's face, she quickly added, "Do it for me, alright? So I won't have to worry about you all day tomorrow while we're on the run?"
She could see the moment Maggie caved; her desire to be obstinate collapsing as a rueful smile took its place. "I won't be able to argue with you, will I?"
"Absolutely not."
"Okay…." Maggie sighed. "It's alright, Glenn. It won't be long. I'll let Nurse Beth here give me some tea and then I'm sure she'll let me come home, right?"
"All in one piece?" Glenn gave her a half-smile as he said it, but it didn't quite fill his face the way it normally would. His eyes seemed worried, even as he forced himself to appear otherwise. It only strengthened Beth's resolve to get to the root of whatever this was.
"Probably in one piece," Beth teased, trying to lighten the mood. "Okay, okay… definitely in one piece. I promise."
A few minutes later, they sat in the kitchen of Beth and Daryl's shared cabin. If it had been cozy when they first found it, abandoned and covered in a light layer of dust, it was even more so now that they'd made it their own. The entire space was bright and sunny, all the curtains opened to let the sun shine in through the multiple windows. Everything had been dusted and polished, as much as it could be with their limited cleaning supplies. The wood floors were bright and clean, covered here and there by soft, well-worn rugs that Beth and Daryl had beat with sticks for what felt like days, just to get the dust out of them. The kitchen area was the coziest of all. Short yellow curtains with little white flowers framed the small window over the counters; sewn by Beth herself from the scraps of larger curtains she'd found on a run four months ago. Dried herbs hung from a rack, suspended over the polished wooden table, filling the entire house with the scent of basil and lavender and other fresh scents. And of course, the banked fire in the wood-stove kept the room warm on the chill, late-autumn day.
It felt like home in the way nothing had, since they'd left the farm. Since she'd lost her Mama and Daddy, since…
No. She wouldn't think of that right now. She had long since learned that though the pain would never go away, she could always find a time and place for it. Right now, her time belonged to Maggie.
Her sister sat at one of the wooden chairs at the kitchen table. Even as Beth busied herself around the kitchen, filling up a kettle with some water from the gallon jug they used as indoor water storage and setting it atop the wood stove to boil, she kept her eyes on Maggie. Neither of them had ever been great at hiding their emotions. Maggie had always been somewhat better, but that didn't count when it came to Beth, who—despite all their conflicts, despite the way they'd broken apart and come together again, glue haphazardly pasting together the cracks that had formed between them—could read her sister like a book. She knew something was bothering Maggie by the way she sat, shoulders slightly hunched, fingers toying endlessly with the hem of her flannel shirt, never letting her eyes meet Beth's.
"I think I have some peppermint I could make a nice tea with, that should help your nausea. Any other symptoms?" She reached up to the drying rack, fingers casually brushing over the drying bundles of herbs, looking for peppermint. "Are you just queasy? Having trouble eating? Any gas, or…"
"It's not an upset stomach," Maggie blurted out. Her hands pressed to her thighs as she looked up at Beth, her eyes wide with worry. "I lied, Beth. I didn't know what else to say."
"Okaaay…" Beth drew the word out, unsure of exactly where Maggie was going. Her hand stilled and then drew back from the herbs as she arched a single eyebrow at Maggie in an eerie mimic of Daryl. "Is it something else? Something more embarrassing, or…"
Maggie seemed to hold her breath for a second, lips pressed together as if what she wanted to say was swelling up inside her and she was trying in vain to hold it back. But it was to no avail. The bubble burst, and she exhaled out in a breathless rush, "I'm not sick, Beth. I can't go because it isn't safe. Because… I'm pregnant."
"You're what?" Beth only just managed to keep herself from shouting. Not because it might draw walkers, but because it surely would draw Daryl, and she didn't want his concern for her safety to interrupt this private and entirely unexpected conversation.
"I'm pregnant," Maggie said again, a little louder this time but with a quiver in her lip. "Beth… I know I try to seem brave all the time, but I'm scared. I didn't plan this, you know I didn't. We didn't. We always use protection, but something must have gone wrong." She rubbed a hand over her eyes, brushing away a tiny glint of a tear before she gave a rough little laugh. "I guess that's what we get for relying on condoms that probably expired a year ago or something."
Which was a thought so sobering that Beth immediately dropped down into the nearest chair hard enough to make it creak in protest. She and Daryl relied on the same condoms, after all. She'd always thought that between the condoms and the fact that most of the women were so undernourished they almost never got their periods, that they were all safe. But she hadn't taken into account how much healthier they'd all gotten lately. Even her own cycle was somewhat more regular now.
"Fuck" The word spilled out of her in a rough tone that was remarkably similar to Daryl's, coaxing a shocked laugh out of Maggie in return.
"Beth!"
"Sorry." She gave a rueful little smile at her sister. "I just really felt like the situation called for it."
"Well, you're not wrong." The amused smile on Maggie's lips lingered for only a moment before it faded, displaced by the return of that worried, gaunt expression she'd had earlier. "I can't undo it now, anyway. No matter how much I wish I could."
"How far along are you?" Beth's voice was quiet and calm, even as her mind raced down a million lines of thought at once. She wasn't prepared for this, none of them were. She could handle minor illnesses, non-serious gunshot wounds, even broken limbs to some extent. But a pregnancy?
"I don't know for sure. I think maybe 3 or 4 months?" Maggie swallowed hard, her fingers curling into her thighs as she seemed to struggle a little to breathe. "I've been so irregular, I wouldn't even know how to… how to count… oh Beth, I can't do this. I can't!" She fell forward against the table, crossing her arms and burying her head in them. Her voice was barely audible as she added, "I just keep thinking about… about Lori and…"
Beth stood up without hesitation, crossing around the table to wrap her arms around her sister and pull her off the table and to her chest instead. This was worth pushing past her dislike of being touched; Maggie needed the hug more than Beth needed the space, and she'd gotten better at pushing her own limits these past six months. "Don't think about Lori, Maggie. You're not her. This isn't the prison." She held her sister close, resting her chin atop Maggie's dark hair, her voice firm and confident. "We will figure all this out, alright? I'll find everything we need for you to have this baby safely, okay? I will. You think I'm going to let anything happen to you, let alone to my niece or nephew?"
Of course, they both knew that was easier said than done. They both knew that there were certain promises you couldn't make. That they lived in a world where the possibility of death lurked around every corner.
But Beth also knew that you couldn't give into those thoughts, that fear. That you needed to set hope against it, to shine a light into the darkness. She had done it for Daryl, and he had done it for her, and she would do the same for her sister now, because that was what Maggie needed. Hopeful possibilities. Not fearful ones.
Eyes pressed shut, Beth held her sister close and forced away all thoughts of Lori, of the way she'd died, of the blood that had stained the prison floors, of the way Rick had cried. That wouldn't be Maggie.
It couldn't be Maggie.
She wouldn't let it.
A/N: I will be trying my best to update this at best every few days, at worst I will try to do one chapter a week. I don't want to make promises on speed because I have work and a life and stuff to deal with. But I have outlined out the entire rest of it, and it should be about 10-11 chapters till the end. I will do my best to not give up again, but I really appreciate if everyone could be as gentle/nice as possible. Half of why I quit last time was nasty comments. (Mostly on , which is why I was very reluctant to post this here. I have turned off comments, but if I get nasty comments or DMs, I will stop posting it here again.) If anyone sees this or still gets notifications or whatever, I would appreciate your encouraging comments, if you have any to give. It'll help me write the rest of it. I hope this wasn't too rusty, haha. Anyway. Thanks. See you with the next chapter soon, hopefully.