Applause
Siramay: ….
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaa….
Ok I think I got that out of my system.
…no wait the second coming
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa….
…. round 3?... no, I think it's over
for now…
Now to stay as quite as possible in hopes Junko doesn't acknowledge me this story isn't about me mean lady don't look at me don't talk to me don't smell me I aint hear!
Yeah, and everyone else was freaking out to
Then… Junko started talking about her murongos…. Is that right her? I donno but the point is
breath in
breath out
don't say anything that will move her line of thought to you…
She also referenced Bayonetta but not really
Ultima: knifearella?
Siramay: well you see son in the original dimension of the English lexicon variety the great creators where afraid of what is known as a copy right that could endanger the whole universe so they made it so instead Junko says "knifearella" as a joke parody
of course we are in an off branch of that base universe so I could change it
but I hate her so no
Ultima: why do you hate her?
Siramay: give her a few minutes she'll speak for herself…
the loser
There was also this zoom in on her morongos, but don't worry I already let out all my scream energy so I'm good
and they were 45 feet uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggggggggghhh
and she offered to oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo I'm going to be sick
Kids, if you accept that offer your grounded for 10'000 years!
She was being very pandery
Junko: If this was pandering fan service game full of pretty girls, there'd be a CG close-up of my cleavage but...
Siramay: there was!
…. SNAP
I protectively went in front of my kids and … whatever the anxiety equivalent of a glare was I did that
Junko I may have a lax reaction to your everything and normally I'd not interfere but I swear if you hurt even a single cell on them I will completely destroy this universe but keep you sentient so you'll be forever bored in a vast expanse of nothingness I know I'm a softy and I probably wouldn't mind what you plan to do with me but even I have limits!
Junko: … of course, of course! Silly Mr. muse I had no such thought I would never hurt the class during our final debate
Siramay: except mentally
Junko: true! Though seriously? Why would you even bring kids here
Siramay: in hindsight that was a bad idea I just thought at the time it be a fun family bonding trip
well I'm glad we could come to an agreement
Junko: I'll especially take your offer up on hurting you
Siramay: HA jokes on you! You can't kill me
Then siramay got crushed by the junkozillas giant hand like what a human would do to a bug to which he slowly started to regenerate from being crushed
Siramay: … though, one would be surprised at what I could live through
…it wasn't even an offer… but I'll allow it anyway she got back to the matter at hand class 77b and her EVVIILLL PLAN
Also, she changed her personality…
Man, that took longer than last time you must finally be recovering from critical mass! Good job! I'd say it's a huge improvement but going down one floor in a 99 floor building is still only one small step
but it's a start.
Then she slapped me across the map I looped a few times before the inertia finally slowed me down as I laned back on the jury pillar…
Anyway, so everyone's freaking out which is fair I was too that's why I had to let out screams before this
Fuyuhiko: we…we have to deal with this thing?
Siramay: sadly yes…
Then she went over the whole boredom thing she's insane deal with it we'd be here all day if we went over Junkos mental issues that brain of hers is very battered and beat up, pour wittle bwain
so let's just set it strait!
Junko had a traumatic childhood, and it negatively impacted her attention span. so now she suffers from chronic boredom
Also, some cardiac issues but that could be from her alcoholism and the fact she cut herself open and did self-heart surgery
But that's another story for another time!
Also, apparently only now did Hajime realize this was Junko
I was about to say "didn't you recognize her!?" but then I remembered they never saw what she looked like during these evets so I held back
Yeah, she… died… last time
don't think about it, maybe I should erase my memory of my plan that wait they don't know it!
I'll have to think about that
Junko: You see, my personality is like this because I'm the type who dies easily, right?
Siramay: what does that even mean!?
It means because her life is dangerous, she despairs and goes crazy
Oh..., well when you put it like that it does make sense! Thank you, brain!
She do be suicidal like that so I guess it's ok to have one back up plan as a treat.
Anyway, they turned themselves into an AI!
Siramay: she turned herself into an AI Hajime! SHE'S AI JUNKOOOOOOOOOOOO
You know classic chappie brain mapping
Anyway, Junko revealed she messed with the graduation programing and… oh brother here we go
Oh, and she has a new persona… how lovely (I mean that sarcastically)
She also mentioned putting computers in a microwave before and how she's better with computers now but like… come on you don't actually believe she was being serious about that?
Though I suppose she is better now that part is true
She's an ai buddy she's MADE OF MATH
unlike me I'm made of stupid…
but I'm happy! That's something she can't say now, can she?
Also, she mentioned the bomb but… that was just a read herring she just wanted to add a little tension you know
keep em guessing!
Junko: I mean, isn't stuff you don't understand exciting, even if you don't get it?
Siramay: maybe to you but I hate not understanding stuff!
Junko: well, this isn't about you now, is it?
Siramay: oh, bite me….
I have made a terrible mistake
I think as I feel myself being picked up by the junkozilla
NONONONONONONONO
Chomp
Well at least she only took down my lower half so I can wait patiently for it to grow back
I really need to think before I speak next time
Junko: In the end, it was meaningless. Does that fill you with despair? Like getting booted from a game server?
Lost: …. NARRR, I DON'T UNDERSTAND!
Odeveca: define your terms woman!
is everything that goes to one side of the dial hope and everything that goes to the other side despair!?
Is everything hope good and despair bad!? Ad you like despair so despair good
It has no meaning
Ultima: even as an ai she's still empty because she doesn't understand what despair is! Because she can't explain it!
Siramay: actually, it makes perfect sense when you think about it
Jabberwock chorus: WHAT!?
Ultima: dad you of all people talk about how stupid it is
Siramay: well, the way she goes about it but the base ground work of it makes sense…
I'm not the best at explaining but look I know if I don't say it you'll all never know so I'll say it but I'll only say it once
I turn the place into a college classroom as I pull out a computer and look up "professor outfit" and magic it on me, how fancy! Should I wear the smart people glasses, oh it makes me feel embarrassed since… you know but oh I can't help myself I shall even as I wear the glasses speak in a fancy British accent it's so fun!
Siramay: hello it is I professor muse. I shall now explain to you now kids. Please open your textbooks! For this lecture we will be learning from the great philosopher Søren Kierkegaard in his book "The Sickness unto Death" so let's begin!
WHAT IS DESPAIR?
For Kierkegaard, despair is a kind of sickness of spirit, stemming from a misunderstanding of who we actually are as human beings (or to use the more technical term, as selves). The self for Kierkegaard is a composite of various elements—finitude and infinitude, possibility and necessity. When any of these elements that constitute the self are out of balance, despair is the result. But, because we are not the source of our own creation, despair also results when the self fails to relate itself properly to "the power that posited" the self in the first place—namely God.
Despair, Kierkegaard tells us, is a "sickness unto death," but, unlike a physical sickness, does not necessarily lead to death:
The concept of the sickness unto death must be understood…in a peculiar sense…. One speaks of a mortal sickness the end and outcome of which is death. In this sense despair cannot be called the sickness unto death….
Yet in another and still more definite sense, despair is the sickness unto death. It is indeed very far from being true that, literally understood, one dies of this sickness, or that this sickness ends in bodily death. On the contrary, the torment of despair is precisely this, not to be able to die. So, it has much in common with the situation of the moribund when he lies and struggles with death, and cannot die. So, to be sick unto death is not to be able to die—yet not as though there were hope of life; no the hopelessness in this case is that even the last hope, death, is not available. When death is the greatest danger, one hopes for death. So, when the danger is so great that death becomes one's hope, despair is the disconsolateness of not being able to die.
It is in this last sense that despair is the sickness unto death, this agonizing condition, this sickness in the self, everlastingly to die, to die and yet not to die, to die the death. For dying means that all is over, but dying the death means to live to experience death…. The despairing man cannot die; no more than "the dagger can slay thoughts" can despair consume…the self, which is the ground of despair, whose worm dieth not, and whose fire is not quenched. Yet despair is precisely self-consuming, but it is an impotent self-consumption, in which again, however, the despairer is not able to do what he wills, namely to consume himself.
Unlike a physical sickness, then, despair does not simply run its course upon being contracted. Instead of simply killing a person, it involves not being able to die, even when death would be a release from the torments of despair. As Kierkegaard puts it, one suffering from despair continually consumes himself without being able to be rid of the self.
Another important thing you need to know about despair is that Kierkegaard asserts that despair has nothing to do with anything external to oneself:
A despairing man despairs over something. So, it seems for an instant, but only for an instant; that same instant the true despair manifests itself, or despair manifests itself in its true character. For in the fact that he despaired of something, he literally despaired of himself, and now would be rid of himself….
So, to despair over something is not yet properly despair. It is the beginning, or it is as when the physician says of a sickness that it has not yet declared itself. The next step is the declared despair, despair over oneself. A young girl is in despair over love, and so she despairs over her lover, because he died, or because he was unfaithful to her. This is not a declared despair; no, she is in despair over herself. This self of hers, which, if it had become "his" beloved, she would have been rid of in the most blissful way, or would have lost, this self is now a torment to her when it has to be a self without "him"; this self which would have been to her riches (though in another sense equally in despair) has now become to her a loathsome void, since "he" is dead, or it has become to her an abhorrence, since it reminds her of the fact that she was betrayed. Try it now, say to such a girl, "Thou art consuming thyself," and thou shalt hear her reply, "Oh, no, the torment is precisely this, that I cannot do it."
To despair, therefore, is to despair over one's own self, one's own being, one's own existential condition.
The final thing to understand about Kierkegaard's analysis of despair—and this will be highly important for his analysis of the various types of despair—is that despair is universal. As Kierkegaard says, there is no one who is not touched to one extent or another by this sickness:
Just as the physician might say that their lives perhaps not one single man who is in perfect health, so one might say perhaps that their lives not one single man who after all is not to some extent in despair, in whose inmost parts there does now dwell a disquietude, a perturbation, a discord, an anxious dread of an unknown something, or of a something he does not even dare to make acquaintance with, dread of a possibility of life, or dread of himself, so that, after all, as physicians speak of a man going about with a disease in him, this man is going about and carrying a sickness of spirit, which only rarely and in glimpses, by and with a dread which to him is inexplicable, gives evidence of its presence within. At any rate there has lived no one and their lives no one outside of Christendom who is not in despair, and no one in Christendom, unless he be a true Christian, and if he is not quite that, he is somewhat in despair after all….
Therefore it is as far as possible from being true that the vulgar view is right in assuming that despair is a rarity; on the contrary, it is quite universal. It is as far as possible from being true that the vulgar view is right in assuming that everyone who does not think or feel that he is in despair is not so at all, and that only he is in despair who says that he is. On the contrary, one who without affectation says that he is in despair is after all a little bit nearer, a dialectical step nearer to being cured than all those who are not regarded and who do not regard themselves as being in despair.
Simply because someone does not recognize that he is in despair, does not mean that he is in fact free of despair. He is simply unconscious of his despair. As we'll see, when a seemingly happy person is plunged into despair because of some great crisis, we should not assume that he has been free of despair until that point. In fact, the despair has been with him all along, and the crisis that occurred simply provided the opportunity for the individual to become conscious of his despair.
While we might be tempted to view despair purely in a negative light, because of the intense psychical toll it takes on those who suffer from it, in fact, the recognition that one is in despair is a first step, according to Kierkegaard, on the road to being cured of despair:
Is despair an advantage or a drawback? Regarded in a purely dialectical way it is both. If one were to stick to the abstract notion of despair, without thinking of any concrete despairer, one might say that it is an immense advantage. The possibility of this sickness is man's advantage over the beast, and this advantage distinguishes him far more essentially than erect posture, for it implies the infinite erectness or loftiness of being spirit. The possibility of this sickness is man's advantage over the beast; to be sharply observant of this sickness constitutes the Christian's advantage over the natural man; to be healed of this sickness is the Christian's bliss.
Those who experience despair in its most intense form (i.e., are acutely conscious of their despair) are actually better off than those who are completely unaware that they are even suffering from this sickness (i.e., those who are totally unconscious of their despair). One who at least recognizes that he is in despair has the motivation to seek out a cure for what ails him.
THE FORMS OF DESPAIR
Now we come to the heart and soul of The Sickness Unto Death: Kierkegaard's analysis of the various forms that despair takes. Actually, what Kierkegaard provides us with is a survey of different levels of despair, from the completely unconscious despair of the crass sensualist to the most absolutely conscious despair of defiance. And with each advance in consciousness, there arises a corresponding increase in the intensity of the despair experienced. As he writes:
With every increase in the degree of consciousness, and in proportion to that increase, the intensity of despair increases: the more consciousness, the more intense the despair.
This is everywhere to be seen, most clearly in the maximum and minimum of despair. The devil's despair is the most intense despair, for the devil is sheer spirit, and therefore absolute consciousness and transparency; in the devil there is no obscurity which might serve as a mitigating excuse, his despair is therefore absolute defiance. This is the maximum of despair. The minimum of despair is a state which (as one might humanly be tempted to express it) by reason of a sort of innocence one does not even know that there is such a thing as despair.
Keep in mind that Kierkegaard maintains that every human being who has ever lived—and this means YOU as well—exhibits one form of despair or another. As you read the summary of the forms of despair, therefore, you might want to consider which form of despair you actually possess. Consider this exercise, as Kierkegaard himself does, as a kind of therapy for the soul.
Unconscious Despair
The first level of despair is what Kierkegaard calls "the despair that is ignorant of being despair" or unconscious despair. This is the despair suffered by one who lives such a superficial, externally oriented sort of existence that he isn't even aware at all of being a self. Although such an individual may not even be aware of being in despair, he is in despair regardless.
The two existential types that Kierkegaard uses to characterize unconscious despair are the sensualist and the system-builder. Both types, as we shall see, are just about as far away from being freed from despair as one can get.
A1. The Sensualist
At the very lowest level with regard to consciousness of despair, according to Kierkegaard, is the sensualist—one who spends his life totally in pursuit of pleasure. This sort of individual judges everything in terms of the categories of the agreeable and the disagreeable:
When a man is supposed to be happy, he imagines that he is happy (whereas viewed in the light of the truth he is unhappy), and in this case he is generally very far from wishing to be torn away from that delusion. On the contrary, he becomes furious, he regards the man who does this as his most spiteful enemy, he considers it an insult, something near to murder, in the sense that one speaks of killing joy. What is the reason of this? The reason is that the sensuous nature and the psycho-sensuous completely dominate him; the reason is that he lives in the sensuous categories agreeable/disagreeable, and says goodbye to truth etc.: the reason is that he is too sensuous to have the courage to venture to be spirit or endure it. However vain and conceited men may be, they have nevertheless for the most part a very lowly conception of themselves, that is to say, they have no conception of being spirit, the absolute of all that a man can be.
Kierkegaard goes on to draw an analogy between the sensualist and a boarder in a house, who chooses to reside in the basement of the dwelling:
In case one were to think of a house, consisting of a cell, first floor, and second floor, so tenanted, or rather so arranged, that it was planned for a distinction of rank between the dwellers on the several floors; and in case one were to make a comparison between such a house and what it is to be a man—then unfortunately this is the sorry and ludicrous condition of the majority of men, that in their own house they prefer to live in the cellar. The soulish-bodily synthesis in every man is planned with a view to being spirit, such is the building; but the man prefers to dwell in the cellar; no, he loves that to such a degree that he becomes furious if anyone would propose to him to occupy the best floor which stands empty at his disposition—for in fact he is dwelling in his own house.
The sensualist, according to Kierkegaard, is living a life of delusion—imagining that he is happy, when in fact, he is totally dependent upon the objects of pleasure that make his life so agreeable. But when fate conspires to remove the objects of his pleasure, despair must inevitably result, and the sensualist is the least equipped of any type to deal effectively with it.
A2. The System-Builder
The second type that Kierkegaard uses to illustrate unconscious despair is what is best described as a "system-builder." A system builder could be any sort of thinker prone to abstract speculation—a scientist, a historian, a philosopher, or anyone who lives totally in the realm of ideas. The philosopher, for example, may create an elaborate metaphysical system, but it has nothing to do with life per se. His entire system is an illusion, but one he must cling to for the sake of the system itself:
A thinker erects an immense building, a system, a system which embraces the whole of existence and world history etc—and if we contemplate his personal life, we discover to our astonishment this terrible and ludicrous fact, that he himself personally does not live in this immense high-vaulted palace, but in the barn alongside of it, or in a dog kennel, or at the most in the porter's lodge. If one were to take the liberty of calling his attention to this by a single word, he would be offended. For he has no fear of being under a delusion, if only he can get the system completed…by means of the delusion.
So what's the problem with the sort of unconscious despair suffered by the sensualist or the system builder, if in fact these individuals are not actually "suffering" as a result of their despair?
The despairing man who is unconscious of being in despair is, in comparison with him who is conscious of it, merely a negative step further from the truth and from salvation…. Unawareness is so far from removing despair, that, on the contrary, it may be the most dangerous form of despair. By unconsciousness the despairing man is in a way secured (but to his own destruction) against becoming aware—that is, he is securely in the power of despair.
In unconsciousness of being in despair a man is furthest from being conscious of himself as spirit. But precisely the thing of not being unconscious of oneself as spirit is despair, which is spiritlessness—whether the condition be that of complete deadness, a merely vegetative life, or a life of higher potency the secret of which is nevertheless despair. In the latter instance the man is like the sufferer from consumption: he feels well, considers himself in the best of health, seems perhaps to others to be in florid health, precisely when the sickness is most dangerous.
For Kierkegaard, unconscious despair is actually the worst form of despair, because it is so far removed from the truth about the way we should actually be living. It means that we are living more like an animal than a true human being, and therefore, means that the possibility of liberation remains all but impossible.
Conscious Despair
The second level of despair is described by Kierkegaard as "the despair that is conscious of being despair." In unconscious despair a person isn't even aware that he is in despair; on the level of conscious despair, there is a greater understanding of the truth of one's condition, and at least some degree of awareness of the reality of despair in one's own life
Consciousness of despair, however, must be understood as existing on a continuum. A person could be aware of being in despair, but be completely ignorant about its cause:
A distinction of course must be made as to whether he who is conscious of his despair has the true conception of what despair is. Thus a man may be right, according to the conception he has, in asserting that he is in despair, it may be true that he is in despair, and yet this is not to say that he has the true conception of despair, it may be that one who contemplated this man's life in the light of the true conception would say, "You are far more in despair than you are aware, the despair lies far deeper." So with the pagan (to recall the foregoing instance), when in comparison with others he considered himself in despair, he doubtless was right in thinking that he was in despair, but he was wrong in thinking that the others were not; that is to say, he had not the true conception of despair.
As consciousness of one's condition is raised, the intensity of despair increases proportionally. At one extreme, the unconscious individual suffers little or not at all from his despair; at the other extreme—what Kierkegaard calls "demonic despair," no subterfuge about one's condition is possible and consequently the amount of suffering one experiences at this stage is almost unendurable.
B1. Despair of Weakness (In Despair Not Willing to Be Oneself)
In The Sickness unto Death, Kierkegaard discusses two distinct forms that despair can take— despair of weakness and despair of defiance.
B1a. Despair Over the Earthly (Immediate Man)
The first existential type that Kierkegaard examines in his analysis of conscious despair of weakness is what might be referred to as the Immediate Man. This is an individual who lives completely externally, and therefore has no real conception of self. Although this sort of person may experience despair in his life, he views the cause as always being somehow outside of himself:
This is pure immediacy, or else immediacy which contains a quantitative reflection— Here there is no infinite consciousness of the self, of what despair is, or of the fact that the condition is one of despair; the despair is passive, succumbing to the pressure of outward circumstance, it by no means comes from within as action. It is, if I may say so, by an innocent misuse of language, a play upon words, as when children play at being soldiers, that in the language of immediacy such words as the self and despair occur….
Now when there happens, befalls (falls upon) this immediate self something which brings it to despair; in no other way can this come about, since the self has no reflection in itself, that which brings it to despair must come from without, and the despair is merely passive. That where immediacy has its being, or (supposing that after all it has a little bit of reflection in itself) that part thereof to which it especially clings, a man is deprived by "a stroke of fate," in short, he becomes, as he calls it, unfortunate, that is, the immediacy in him receives such a shock that it cannot recover itself—he despairs.
So then he despairs, that is to say, by a strange and preposterous attitude and a complete mystification with regard to himself, he calls this despair. But to despair is to lose the eternal—and of this he does not speak, does not dream. The loss of the earthly as such is not the cause of despair, and yet it is of this he speaks, and he calls it despairing….
Meanwhile time passes. If outward help comes, then life returns to the despairer, he begins where he left off; he has no self, and a self he did not become, but he continues to live on with only the quality of immediacy. If outward help does not come, then in real life something else commonly occurs. Life comes back to him after all, but "he will never be himself again," so he says. He now acquires some little understanding of life, he learns to imitate other men, noting how they manage to live, and so he too lives after a sort. In Christendom he too is a Christian, goes to Church every Sunday, hears and understands the parson, yes, they understand one another; he dies, the parson introduces him into eternity for the price of $10—but a self he was not, and a self he did not become.
The immediate man has no concept of self, because his life is lived in a purely external way. The way he often responds to crises is, not to attempt any sort of inner reflection that might actually uncover his true self, but rather to wish to be someone else—to wish, in other words, for a new self: When immediacy despairs it possesses not even enough self to wish or to dream that it had become what it did not become. The immediate man helps himself in a different way: he wishes to be another. Of this one may easily convince oneself by observing immediate men. At the moment of despair no wish is so natural to them as the wish that they had become or might become another…. For the immediate man does not recognize his self, he recognizes himself only by his dress, he recognizes…that he has a self only by externals….
B1b. Despair Over the Eternal (The Cynic)
Kierkegaard calls the second form of conscious despair of weakness, "despair over the eternal." In this form of despair an individual recognizes his own weakness and limitations, but instead of turning to God for a cure, he despairs over his own weakness—or to put it another way, he despairs over his despair.
This despair is a significant step forward. If the former was the despair of weakness, this is despair over his weakness, although it still remains as to its nature under the category "despair of weakness," as distinguished from defiance in the next section. So there is only a relative difference. This difference consists in the fact that the foregoing form has the consciousness of weakness as its final consciousness, whereas in this case consciousness does not come to a stop here but potentiates itself to a new consciousness, a consciousness of its weakness. The despairer understands that it is weakness to take the earthly so much to heart, that it is weakness to despair. But then, instead of veering sharply away from despair to faith, humbling himself before God for his weakness, he is more deeply absorbed in despair and despairs over his weakness. Therewith the whole point of view is inverted, he becomes now more clearly conscious of his despair, recognizing that he is in despair about the eternal, he despairs over himself that he could be weak enough to ascribe to the earthly such great importance, which now becomes his despairing expression for the fact that he has lost the eternal and himself.
B2. Despair of Defiance (Willing Despairingly to Be Oneself)
The last and most profound form of despair discussed by Kierkegaard is called despair of defiance (or "willing despairing to be oneself"), although Kierkegaard also calls this form of despair "demonic despair." In despair of defiance, a person recognizes that he is in despair, tries to find some way of alleviating his despair, but when no cure occurs, he becomes hardened against any form of help:
Note that in the foregoing the form of despair was represented which is in despair over the earthly or over something earthly, so understood that at bottom this is and also shows itself to be despair about the eternal, i.e. despair which wills not to let itself be comforted by the eternal, which rates the earthly so high that the eternal can be of no comfort. But this too is a form of despair: not to be willing to hope that an earthly distress, a temporal cross, might be removed. This is what the despair which wills desperately to be itself is not willing to hope. It has convinced itself that this thorn in the flesh gnaws so profoundly
that he cannot abstract it—no matter whether this is actually so or his passion makes it true for him, (From this standpoint, it is well to note here, one will see also that much which is embellished by the name of resignation is a kind of despair, that of willing despairingly to be one's abstract self, of willing despairingly to be satisfied with the eternal and thereby be able to defy or ignore suffering in the earthly and temporal sphere. The dialectic of resignation is commonly this: to will to be one's eternal self, and then with respect to something positive wherein the self suffers, not to will to be oneself, contenting oneself with the thought that after all this will disappear in eternity, thinking itself therefore justified in not accepting it in time, so that, although suffering under it, the self will not make to it the concession that it properly belongs to the self, that is, it will not humble itself under it in faith. Resignation regarded as despair is essentially different from the form, "in despair at not willing to be oneself," for it wills desperately to be itself—with exception, however, of one particular, with respect to which it wills despairingly not to be itself.) and so he is willing to accept it as it were eternally. So he is offended by it, or rather from it he takes occasion to be offended at the whole of existence, in spite of it he would be himself, not despitefully be himself without it (for that is to abstract from it, and that he cannot do, or that would be a movement in the direction of resignation); no, in spite of or in defiance of the whole of existence he wills to be himself with it, to take it along, almost defying his torment. For to hope in the possibility of help, not to speak of help by virtue of the absurd, that for God all things are possible—no, that he will not do. And as for seeking help from any other—no, that he will not do for all the world; rather than seek help he would prefer to be himself—with all the tortures of hell, if so it must be.
The despairing individual at this stage begins to revel in his own despair and suffering, seeing his pain as lifting him above the common rung of mankind:
But the more consciousness there is in such a sufferer who in despair is determined to be himself, all the more does despair too potentiate itself and become demoniac. The genesis of this is commonly as follows. A self which in despair is determined to be itself winces at one pain or another which simply cannot be taken away or separated from its concrete self. Precisely upon this torment the man directs his whole passion, which at last becomes a demoniac rage. Even if at this point God in heaven and all his angels were to offer to help him out of it—no, now he doesn't want it, now it is too late, he once would have given everything to be rid of this torment but was made to wait, now that's all past, now he would rather rage against everything, he, the one man in the whole of existence who is the most unjustly treated, to whom it is especially important to have his torment at hand, important that no one should take it from him—for thus he can convince himself that he is in the right. This at last becomes so firmly fixed in his head that for a very peculiar reason he is afraid of eternity—for the reason, namely, that it might rid him of his (demoniacally understood) infinite advantage over other men, his (demoniacally understood) justification for being what he is. It is himself he wills to be; he began with the infinite abstraction of the self, and now at last he has become so concrete that it would be an impossibility to be eternal in that sense, and yet he wills in despair to be himself. Ah, demoniac madness! He rages most of all at the thought that eternity might get it into its head to take his misery from him!
…. man, now doesn't that sound familiar?
Siramay: and that's what despair is!
The room was silent and in a cartoony way I could see steam coming from everyone's head as they barely understood what I said… well except one other person who knew what I meant all too well… they were just silent… and that silence said more then they're word vomit ever could….
so I walked off the trial ground and jumped into the void…
of course the world loops so I just appeared at the top of the room to continue falling until I eventually moved back to the grounds
…anyway, lets continue! You were saying!
Junko: You know those murder mysteries where the culprit is really the detective who's investigating the murder?
Siramay: OH, I LOVE THOSE ONES!
they're my favorite
I wag my tail in joy oh how they make me giddy the stories where they look for the monster but the monster was them the whole time and you spent the journey in there brain hearing their thoughts, hopes, dreams, fears the true them no one else sees and when it comes time the ouuuuuing vile darkness lurking within OOOO it makes me giddy I'm a sucker for a villain story!
Junko: Well, I'm so over predictable stuff like that. Just what did you expect at this stage of the game?
Siramay: OH, COME ON!
She flicked me across the stage
Junko: Did you ever make up your own silly rules, like "don't step off the white line when you cross the road?
Siramay:
Knows Junko still doesn't know his name, and this is solely done out of spite despite not having any real benefits or drawbacks to his plan….
…yes
Well anyway Junko talks about all that hard work she spent on her evil plan
Curse Fuyuhiko wanted to know if she could really revive people because he wanted to see his wife again
he misses his wife Junko, he misses her a lot
Anyway, Hajime points out how this goes against what she said earlier (yea because she's a liar she does that) she may be fair but she's unreasonably fair!
Junko: The game where you throw my words back at me is over! So, you don't really have to worry about it.
Siramay: THAT GAMES ONLY JUST BEGUN WOMAN!
Junko to siramay
For some reason Fuyuhiko was more than willing to get manipulated like that
Don't worry though Hajime has a braincell and knows Junko is playing them for a fool
Though everyone else not so much, like I said Nat 20 charisma vs everyone else's critical 1 fail
Also, Junko called Hajime a chump, I have no response to this as his chumpness is subjective
And so, he was having a mental breakdown and awe jeez if I knew people where this easy to manipulate… well actually I don't think I'd do anything different so far everything's alright for me
But then
Siramay: MAKOOOTTTOOOOOO HE'S HERE
HE'S HERE HE'S HERE HE'S HERE THE ANNGEEELLLLL
YOU'RE MY HEEERROOOOOOOOOOO!
MAKOTO!
MAKOTO!
MAKOTO!
YOU'RE SO AMAZZZIIINNNNGGGG!
And yes, to clarify to Hajime and the others this Makoto is the real deal
AND WE ALL LOVE HIIIMMMM
And then Junko starts acting like a simp for Makoto
(you're a simp for him too)
AAAHHH SHE'S ENTERED MY INNER MONOLOGUE!
ACTIVATE BRAIN DEFENSES
Siramay: yeah! Hajime that's Makoto the epic awesome handsome big hearted hero who defeated Junko in previous the killing game it was epic
Junko: sigh… I remember it like it was yesterday, I killed your friends, and in return you killed me…
Lost: huh? Makoto why'd you kill that girl?
Makoto: !? SHE KILLED HERSELF!
Siramay: it's true though for some reason the people always say otherwise it's weird you even tried to stop her, so admirable… but she was past the point of no return, don't blame yourself though.
Makoto: I wasn't?
Siramay: awe yeah you are taking therapy now aren't yah? Good for you!
I'm so glad your hear now you can kick Junko's BIG but
see it's really big cause she's a Junkozilla
Makoto: don't think your entirely innocent I saw everything we're going to have a serious talk about that later
Siramay: e-everything?
Makoto: everything
Siramay: IM A WORM! A WORTHLESS WORM! FORGIVE ME MAKOTO FOR I KNEW NOT WHAT PAIN I TRUELY CAUSED I SHALL DO ANYTHING YOU SAY IF IT MEANS YOUR FORGIVENESS, I DIDN'T MEAN TO BE MEAN IM SOOOORRRYYYY
Junko probably though a snide remark about this but I didn't hear
Makoto: no, it doesn't matter! I'm going to save everyone! And then I'm going to settle this between us once and for all!
Siramay: SO COOOOOOOOOLLL! I'll say it before, and I'll say it again you are truly the ultimate Chad
Junko: Ahhhh... I'm drooOOOOOling! I can't stop my leEEEEaAAAAking!"
Odeveca: … excuse me
Siramay: she loves him, I do too! But platonically
So ok back to the trial where we talk about how Makoto got here in order to save everyone how Nobel! And Junko said it was a trap cause now she shall treat him like one of her students
Siramay: hey! It's not a trap if you know it's a trap! Then it's a face off!
Makoto knew the risk and took it anyway that's why Junko looovvees him so cute!
mmmmm, I need to hold myself back from shipping in the foreground I feel it's rude and I must respect Makoto! Hold back! Evil urges! (well technically I don't think shipping Is necessarily evil) but Makoto clearly aint here for Junko's romantic fantasy he wants to save class 77B, so I feel if I don't take him seriously THAT'S what's rude
Anyway Makoto (being the epic Chad he was) explained to class 77b Junko's trap
Makoto: Junko's goal is to turn the hope restoration program, to the despair restoration program
Siramay: BUM BUM BUUUUUUUUUUUM
Makoto: …
Siramay: …I'm sorry Makoto…
And then… oh boy… here we go
Operation… Junkofy… humanity
Give me a minute it's been a while since I've planned to react to this information that I've forgotten how I'm supposed to react to this information
I don't believe it if that's what you're thinking, but I won't openly explain why. Hajime and the others need to genuinely believe Junko's doing that for the sake of everyone, though I tell yah the moment I get alone time with Makoto I'm going OFF on that load of word vomit.
Honestly it sounds like she went "what's the most evilest thing I can think of they'll believe I'd do" and went with it.
Ultima: but if there all like you-
Siramay: shhhhhh
She knows it's stupid, but the others need to genuinely believe that's what her plan is
Kazuichi: that messed up plan if your goal!?
Siramay: as far as you know yes!
Of course, Hajime said if that's her plan why didn't she kill everyone herself
2 reasons
1 that's not her plan
2 even if it was the rules state she's legally not allowed to
Course if she just let everyone die from Nagitos poison, or never made that 3 person limit rule…
Awe here I am being a party pooper I should humor her at least I am the king of villains after all even stupid pieces of garbage like her deserve the base level of respect!
I just really hate people getting the wrong idea, so this bugs me on a personal level.
But I mean whatever you need to do to manipulate everyone I guess
Fuyuhiko: don't mess with me! What about our lives!?
Junko: Heh... Chump change.
Siramay: obviously, like why is she supposed to feel bad about you Fuyuhiko? I may believe in treating people with the base level of respect but she's not me and honestly have you ever done something for her? Where you ever nice for her? You don't remember but the answer is no and that's not including the whole "turn evil" thing but honestly Mr. gangster man honestly! What are you expecting her to say "oh no I didn't consider that I shall stop my evil plan I am sorry person I don't care about clearly I never considered your feelings" and really what would you do if she did!? You'd do nothing for her I know you would you LITTLE-
Makoto: ENOUGH!
Siramay: … you're right I'm sorry. I'm sorry
The question just felt redundant to ask…
Then they ask why Junko's mean not that they'd get an answer
Siramay: the why doesn't matter she just is now and just because you want closure for your feelings of anguish doesn't change the fact this is still happening
It's not like you'd do anything with that knowledge anyway so you don't deserve to have it nothing will change if you do or don't know, there for you don't deserve to know.
She is who she is and that's all there is to it, Makoto I know I sounded a bit rude so please do a better job at me of explaining
Makoto: because Junko Enoshima is… the true ultimate despair
she doesn't yearn for any kind of future at all… she fills every person she meets with despair
Junko: That's my Makoto. You understand me so well!
Siramay: Daw she woves him
Junko: For me, despair is not a goal or a set of principles or a lifestyle or even an instinct. It's what defines me as Junko Enoshima! It's just my characterization! That's why I'm able to pursue despair with such purity!
Siramay: she says but she treats that name that word "Junko Enoshima" like a mask a persona as if it's not who she is but merely a role she plays on the theater that is life
The despairing individual at this stage begins to revel in her own despair and suffering, seeing her pain as lifting her above the common rung of mankind: … now it is too late, she once would have given everything to be rid of this torment but was made to wait, now that's all past, now she would rather rage against everything…
And rage she did
She then talks about the tragedy
Junko: Picture thousands of fools who are madly in love with me dying one by one like insects doused with bug spray. And the best part is... they did it to themselves, you know?
THAT'S A LITERALLY LIE
I SAW YOU! You sent the brainwashing video to make them kill themselves! I mean I guess if you ignore the brainwashing, they did move their bodies on their own but
OOOOOO HER "TRUE FORM POINT OF VIEW LYING I HATE IT"
And worst of all since I'm the only one here that saw that I CAN'T TELL THE OTHERS I'M LEGALLY NOT ALLOWED TO
STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID
Hajime: An incident where 2,357 people from the Reserve Course all killed themselves. Junko probably made them do it...
Siramay: YES! YES, SHE DID MAKE THEM DO IT I SAW HER DO IT!
Junko: If someone like me is born, that means the world is yearning for despair.
Siramay: have you ever considered… the world wants you to rise above that pain and be a better person?
Junko: …
Siramay: : D
Junko: …
Siramay: : D
Junko: that's… the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my life
and I'm dead!
Siramay: … I guess you're not ready for that talk yet…
Also, Makoto said more awesome things
Then Junko said a lot of mean things… I don't really have anything to say about it, the classic evil villain stuff a respectable breaking speech if I'm being fair
OOUU THEN MAKOTO SAID AWESOME
THE FORCED SHUTDOWN SEQUENCE!
Funny thing about that Makoto… Junko knows about it… awkward
But don't worry Makoto has a plan on how to activate it
Aka ADD MORE PEOPLE
KYOKO AND BYAKUYAAAAA
Siramay: YEAAAHH EVERYONE'S FAVORITE DR1 CHARACTERS
not mine though Makoto I'm team you all the way!
Ah good old high school reunion… what do people do in those again? … I donno lets hug it out bro we all did things in the past we arnt proud of
except Makoto
so let's just forgive each other and hug it out! We're all friends here so let's do that!
Class 78: NO!
Siramay: man, what party poopers
Anyway, this story aint about me
Byakuya: I must say, now that I'm seeing her up close… she's much bigger than I remembered
Junko: What?! What kind of man isn't excited by big women? Once you gain some more experience, you'll understand.
Siramay: girl your 99 pounds and constantly insulted your sister for being fat despite her waying less then you
(though in my opinion Makoto she was definitely projecting her insecurities onto her sister when she said that) but anyway you're the last person to be saying such body positive things!
Though I guess people can change so if you being dead for 2 years taught you that your underweight and to every once in a while stuff a rotisserie chicken up your vore hole, who am I to stop you!
Makoto: why did you call a mouth a vore hole…
Siramay: it just felt right Makoto
Kyoko: do you know them Makoto?
Makoto: well, uh-
Siramay: ah! It is time to introduce myself I am
Dramatic guitar
Dramatic pose
Dramatic pose
Dramatic pose
THE MUUUSSSSEEE! THE ALMIGHTY ALL POWERFUL BEEEIIINNNGGG
But uh, don't worry buddy I'm just here to just watch and react pay me no mind
Kyoko: but
Siramay goes up to her and puts one finger over her mouth
Siramay: shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh there's a time and a place for everything Nancy but this story isn't about learning my past so the less you know about me the better
Anyway, we all got our introductions in order
Junko: The former heroes plunging themselves into the game world, ignoring all danger.
Jeez...! S-Stupid's...! Making such a suicidal move... Did you really wanna see me that badly?
Siramay: Daw she woves you guys
Makoto: stop humoring her!
Siramay: I'm not humoring her!
Anyway, they had enough for the shutdown sequence yeaaaaaa
Of course, things arnt that easy Junko has mastered the art of word vomit jitsu she knows how to press peoples buttons
And of course, there was one teeny tiny small little problem…
If they do that, they will revert to their original state which to their knowledge is ultimate despair
This made everyone sad especially with Junko abusing that fact ugh someone needs to put tape on her mouth
Don't worry though their real bodies have just been brainwashed
IM ABSOLUTELY SURE NO ONE WILL FORGET MAKOTO SAYS THIS AND COME UP WITH THERE OWN EDGY IDEAS ON HOW CLASS 77 BECAME THE REMNANTS
SURELY!
And Hajime began to worry about his gamer girl wifu
Anyway, everyone was freaking out
Then Kazuichi asked why they were evil
Siramay: I know the answer I just don't know if I'm legally allowed to answer it
Then Junko did an evil villain monologue
Junko: People who cling to stuff like hope, talent, or admiration are truly the weakest. Guys who desperately wanna reach the top... They don't think about what'll happen when they're pushed off. They're probably too concerned with having a really nice view while they condescend to others. Shoving off guys like that is so easy. I happen to know 17,082 ways to do that. The point is... The moment you cling to talent and hope, despair has already set in.
Fuyuhiko: that's not even an explanation!
Siramay: That one is in despair is not a rarity; no, it is rare, very rare, that one is not in despair
The first level of despair "the despair that is ignorant of being despair" or unconscious despair. This is the despair suffered by one who lives such a superficial, externally oriented sort of existence that he isn't even aware at all of being a self. Although such an individual may not even be aware of being in despair, he is in despair regardless.
The sensualist, is living a life of delusion—imagining that he is happy, when in fact, he is totally dependent upon the objects of pleasure that make his life so agreeable. But when fate conspires to remove the objects of his pleasure, despair must inevitably result, and the sensualist is the least equipped of any type to deal effectively with it.
Fuyuhiko: … that's, kind of an explanation
Anyway, blab la bla good decision bad decision
Junko: Now then... Will the hope of the Future Foundation win or will my despair win?
Makoto: why would you think your despair would ever win!?
Junko: ahhahah! For you see young sapling you are but a naive child fresh and unaware of the way of the world while I am aged like the finest wine and wise to how the world can be and all the horrors that lie within now go along child the adults are speaking
Makoto: … I'm ten months older than you!
Siramay: HAHAHAHHA
But then Junko revealed IT WAS A TRAP and now Makoto and his friends are stuck
And you know, they didn't wanna shut down the computer in case it gave them a minor case of major brain damage
Odeveca: hey why are you saving them anyway
Lost: I'd like to know that to
Siramay: because there nice? What kind of question Is that
Junko: And you came all the way here when you knew it was a trap... I get it. You couldn't just leave them alone...
Ultima: ok but why did he do it?
Siramay: because he's nice!
Ultima: … nah, there must be more to it
Yeah, the true plan! Not that junkofy garbage, just trap everyone in limbo she explains it more just give her a minute
And she reveals the remnants consented to being in the NWP
Siramay: OH, I REMEMBER THIS!
Makoto: you remember that?
Junko: you weren't there
Siramay: you lot underestimate my Omnipresence I remember because it was hilarious, they were all like…
I'm not good at explaining, let me just show you!
At that siramay jumped across the trial grounds ripping the fabric of reality with his claws which made a hole in front of them that served as a window into the past and-
Wait why do they hear musical music?
[NAGITO]
Father, hear thy children's call
Humbly at thy feet we fall
Prodigals confessing all
[ALL]
We beseech thee, hear us!
[NAGITO]
We thy call have disobeyed
Into paths of sin have strayed
And repentance have...
delayed
[ALL]
We beseech thee, hear us!
[NAGITO]
Come sing about
Love!
That calls us first to be
Come sing about
Love!
That made the stone and tree
Come sing about Love!
That draws us lovingly
[NAGITO AND REMNANTS]
We beseech thee, hear us!
[REMNANTS]
Sick!
[NAGITO]
We come come to thee for cure
[REMNANTS]
Guilty!
[NAGITO]
We beg thy mercy sure
[REMNANTS]
Evil!
[NAGITO]
We long to be made pure
[ALL]
We beseech thee, hear us!
[REMNANTS]
Blind!
[NAGITO]
We pray that we may see
[REMNANTS]
Bound!
[NAGITO]
We pray to be made free
[REMNANTS]
Stained!
[NAGITO AND REMNANTS]
We pray for sanctity
[ALL]
We beseech thee, hear us!
[NAGITO]
Come sing about
Love!
Remnants dancing in the background
[REMNANTS]
Love!
[NAGITO]
That calls us first to be
Come sing about Love!
[REMNANTS]
Love!
[NAGITO]
That made the stone and tree
Come sing about Love!
[ALL]
That draws us lovingly
We beseech thee, hear us!
[NAGITO (REMNANTS)]
By the gracious saving call (do do do do do)
Spoken tenderly to all (do do do do do)
Who have shared man's guilt and fall (da dada da da)
We beseech thee, hear us!
By the love that longs to bless (do do do do do)
Pitying our sore distress (do do do do do)
Leading us to holiness
[ALL]
Hear us!
[NAGITO]
Bow! Bow! Bow! Bow! (repeat)
[NEKOMARU]
Doot doot doot Doot doot doot Doot doot do DODODO! (repeat)
[MAHIRU]
CHE- CHE- WEEEE (repeat)
[IBUKI]
Bang! bang! Right on! (repeat until next line)
[HIYOKO]
Donig donig (repeat)
[KAZUICHI]
WHOOP! Woo oo oo! (repeat)
[IBUKI]
Bang-a lang! I said right now (repeat)
[HIYOKO]
Boing boing boing!
[GUNDHAM]
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH
[ALL]
GRANT US ALL FROM EARTH TO RISE
AND TO STRAIN WITH EAGER EYES
TOWARDS THE PROMISED HEAVENLY PRIZE
WE BESEECH THEE, HEAR US!
[NAGITO]
Come sing about love!
[Remnants]
Love!
[NAGITO]
That calls us first to be
Come sing about Love!
[Remnants]
Love!
[NAGITO]
That made the stone and tree
Come sing about Love!
Love! Love! Love! Love!
Come sing about Love!
Love! Love! Love! Love!
[REMNANTS]
Love! Love! Love! Love!
Love! Love! Love! Love!
Love! Love! Love! Love!
Love! Love! Love! Love!
[NAGITO]
Come sing about LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE!
We beseech thee, hear us!
[REMNANTS]
LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE!
LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE!
[NAGITO]
We beseech thee,
[ALL]
HEAR US!