Chapter LXIII

Nightmare's Return

TW: Eating Disorder

This time, I'm much more serene.

As I suspected, Naruto's invasiveness behaviours were caused by his fear of losing me or being separated from me for good. After releasing his tears once and for all, the teenager appears calmer and more independent; I can find myself in another room without him following me like a shadow. Besides, he quietly goes back to bed on his own without capturing me. However, he still insists on putting me back on his nocturnal creature lifestyle. This gives me far too varied periods of sleep…

I don't know why, but Naruto developed a tendency to hide his problems and sufferings, so as not to worry me… All in all, I didn't see him mutilate himself, and I didn't see any marks on his body. Despite his worrying secrets regarding his psyche, he no longer attacks his throat… Maa, I don't allow him to do so when he's in the grip of a nightmare.

This afternoon, Shikamaru comes to pick him up. To my great relief, Naruto doesn't hesitate to follow him, even if I refuse to go. Of course, I reassure him, in order to silence his fears, while giving him the hug he requests. His face is much less distressed than the last few times. Naruto shows a shy, little smile for a breath. Also, he doesn't glance at me as much as he follows Shikamaru, clinging to his arm.

Clearly, this discussion was necessary.

While waiting for them to return, I do a bit of exercise before cooking something. To my surprise, I'm hungry and no bulimic symptoms. However, the food quickly makes my heart sick, causing disturbing gurgling noises that turns me green. I have to stop my meal with a sigh.

In the bathroom, I look at my reflection for a long time, inspecting my silver hair with my fingertips. Despite two trips under water since that disgusting and unwanted grooming, my hair is still sparkling and pleasantly soft to the touch. I sincerely wonder what causes this phenomenon. Naruto's salivary glands serve to numb the skin and the substance produced by his tongue makes the effects of his drool immediate.

Is this the reason why his mouth is so clean that brushing isn't necessary? A wandering thought gives me a shiver of dread that slides down my spine. Since I'm rendered helpless by his venom, unable to be awakened by anything, I'm afraid it's not the first time he's soiled me like that… I've never checked my hair to notice, although it's possible that it's new. Our relationship deepens a little more every day. Sadly, I will never have the answers. I have no way of knowing, as long as Naruto is mute.

One thing's for sure. I'm not planning on subjecting myself to another slimy ritual.

No.

Out of the question.

After spending too much time in front of the mirror, I finish my report. I read in complete peace while enjoying a black tea. It feels good not being bitten by anxiety about Naruto's outing. With all this stress waiting for his return, I would make white hair if it were possible. From what my father told me, our silver-coloured hair is a recessive albino gene. Unlike him, I inherited skin as white as snow, without the sensitivity to the sun that necessarily comes with this kind of genetic inheritance.

Shikamaru wants to prepare a group outing with the other rookies since the blond reacted well the last two times; Naruto even expressed curiosity. Maybe Naruto feels more comfortable around people his own age than adults. After all, adults in question made him live through a veritable hell that anchored the trauma of suffering. This caused quite severe amnesia, with which he protects himself by embracing it with open arms.

Since I expect my student to return in a rush, I don't notice that they're back, without an ounce of rush. I turn my head when my door is opened by Shikamaru. Not seeing Naruto at his side, I frown and anxiety rises to the surface. Worry consumes me and starts that race in my chest.

Shikamaru displays a visibly apologetic expression. He scratches the back of his head. "I'm sincerely sorry, Kakashi-Sensei…"

"What do you mean? Where is Na—"

The moment Naruto enters, my heart suddenly stops, jumps into my throat; at that, I hold my breath. With his head lowered, Naruto carefully hugs the damned plush bearing my image, this plush responsible for all this catastrophic incident. Because of this cursed object of misfortune, we're walking on eggshells. He knows that I don't want to see it anymore. His shifty eyes avoid me, and he makes himself very small. I'm flabbergasted. My eye no longer blinks and can't deviate from this detestable object.

"When we arrived in his neighbourhood, I barely had time to see the strange movements of his tail before he was already running away," Shikamaru explains to me with a sigh. "If I tried to get him to let go, he was growling at me. He ended up threatening me with his lightning bolts, and slapped me with his tail…"

With a slow and timid step, Naruto places one foot after the other inside; his eyes wander everywhere with anguish. During this short mental absence, I didn't hear Shikamaru. I shake my head to regain my composure, and annoyance takes hold of me. Without realizing it, I start growling.

With a glare, I make my chair creak with an odious screech as I move it back. I get up and meet the feral boy. Naruto jumps and when he sees me, he stiffens like stone. He keeps his distance from me until he hits the wall behind him.

I try to snatch the stuffed Kakashi from his hands… In response, Naruto lets out a high-pitched wail that pierces my eardrums. He turns his back to stop me. He crouches down to curl up into a ball. He fiercely protects the doll in his arms. His breathing quickens, now irregular. I hear his panicking heart. According to his eyes and his distraught face, he's terrified that I will snatch it from his hands and throw it away.

Naruto lets out whines of distress, soon tears… I have to stop, but the anger continues to build within me, blinding my judgment. I take a long, deep breath to calm myself down.

"Kakashi-Sensei, are you okay...?" Shikamaru worries.

"Hmm? Yes. Sorry," I apologize, letting out a nervous laugh, a hand in my hair.

"Are you sure...?"

His tone of voice is dark all of a sudden, excruciatingly dark… Moreover, Shikamaru narrows his eyes, as if he was trying to read me like an open book; he seems suspicious of me… The room is plunged into a dismaying silence; the already heavy atmosphere is even more so.

There's a feeling of discomfort…

This uncomfortable silence is broken by Naruto's breathing, which gradually returns to normal. He's as confused as I am. Mechanically, I examine my body, whose arms are eternally scarred with indelible marks, my body which is the same as always. My unhealthy thinness is hidden under my loose clothing, including my mask, under which my sunken face is hidden as well.

"I'm doing well. Why?"

Shikamaru shrugs and sighs. "I don't know. You seemed weird to me."

I squint too. Weird? In what way? Is it because I got a little angry?

Before I can question him, he changes the subject. "Apart from the plush episode, it went well. Much better than the other times, actually. I feel like he's no longer anxious…"

"It's not just a feeling, Shikamaru," I add, crossing my arms. "He's too afraid that I'll disappear. I knew how to find the right words to silence his anxieties. If what you tell me is true, he's ready for what's next."

"You think so?"

I nod. "However, the ideal would be to take him out in the evening. The darkness soothes him. His blindness caused by light must be putting him on edge. As a result, I plan to hang out in the neighbourhood. I will be nearby if needed."

"I can only agree. Better to put all the chances on our side."

"When do you think everything will be ready?"

"Give me at least two days."

"Good. Hmm… Tell me… You don't get too much mistreatment because of Naruto?" I ask.

Shikamaru rolls his eyes. "Stares more than anything else. And I don't care. But I think it's less violent than with you."

"I see."

I give my report to Shikamaru, before waving goodbye. It's only now that I pay attention to Naruto, still curled up on himself, his tail wrapped around his person. He looks at me with apprehension. He caresses the stuffed Kakashi with infinite kindness, and many drops of sweat slide on his forehead and temples. He wants to keep it, that's understood.

The sight of this stuffed Kakashi brings back memories of that nightmarish night, in which I was almost molested; physical memories come to mind, like the lustful rubbing on my private parts. Too often, I feel these movements a second time; it troubles and torments me. I just want to throw that thing out the window and incinerate it… Unfortunately, if I do that, I'll hurt Naruto and maybe cause a potential mistake… But the thought of him doing inappropriate things with this plush in my image makes me very uncomfortable and gives me very, very unpleasant chills.

Much calmer, I crouch to his level and gaze into his. "We'll put things straight, huh?! If you do the slightest indecent thing with it, I'm gonna make it disappear, got it?!"

Naruto doesn't answer me and holds his breath, but I feel that he understands me. Normally, I would congratulate him. However, this object of misfortune forbids me from offering the slightest sign of affection towards him.

"Go to bed," I dryly say before reading, without even looking at him.

- XxX -

Naruto fell asleep cuddling the stuffed Kakashi in his arms. I can't help but imagine myself instead, given my student's habit of clinging to me. This sight disturbs me a little… All in all, he doesn't bring it with him when he joins me in the kitchen at dusk.

It reassures me; he doesn't cuddle it all the time. I can tolerate its existence if it doesn't leave my room and if he doesn't do anything of a … "sexual" nature with it, as he wanted to do during that night of terror that haunts me far too often.

With the dark sky, the sapphire-eyed boy sits at my window to gaze at this dark, star-stained tapestry. He doesn't even care about the flowers lying nearby. Curious. When I ask him if he's okay, he gives me a look, that's all. Naruto seems very preoccupied and on edge; at that, he rubs his thumbs together.

Anxieties resurface; my organ of love starts its made race. I imagine another scenario like the one in which I was at the mercy of this nightmarish Naruto. I raise my head to look outside. It's the new moon. This means I have about thirteen days until the full moon. Since that day, I've been counting the nights in order to isolate Naruto, ensure that no ray from the lunar star can touch him and awaken the beast within him. If necessary, I will lock him in my windowless bathroom and securely tie him down.

I'm worried. I'm afraid the black moon might have effects on him. I examine the black markings on the back of his neck, which don't shine in blue. I place my hand there. Aside from mild static electricity shocks, his lightning veil is normal, like his hair. However, Naruto's pulse is racing. At first glance, he's anxious and stressed. By what? I don't know.

"Naruto. Are you okay? Should I be worried?"

The blond turns his head and observes me, ceasing his anxious gestures. Apart from his expressionless face, he's normal and seems to be doing well, despite his heart which indicates otherwise. I'm still stressing out.

There's not the slightest dark cloud in the sky that could block the non-existent moon and its devastating rays. If Naruto were to be affected in any way, he would already be under its influence…

To avoid taking any risks, I close the window and the curtains, drawing a complaint from my student who glares at me. "You leave it closed for me," I order. "Don't even try to argue with me. You'll do without it for tonight."

Naruto does a few useless swirls with his ebony tail, but nothing more. He lies back down on my headboard, lost in thought. I wonder what he's thinking about, given his brain altered by the feral temper trained in his broken mind. I just hope it's nothing important or serious…

Something is bothering him…

This sows anxiety in me.

I have a very bad feeling…

While keeping an attentive ear, I go to the bathroom. Once again, I find myself staring at my reflection a little too long before leaving the room. Every time I see my silver locks dancing gracefully with the movements of my steps, I'm compelled to inspect them. Their supernatural state intrigues me and overwhelms my dark eye amazed by their enchanting appearance. Their silky softness is an invitation to slide my fingers all the way through. These shiny, grey stems haven't faded and are still as beautiful … even more attractive than Naruto's. Either he has difficulty doing it on his own, or he has been much more meticulous with me.

Subconsciously, I wonder when my hair will lose its elegance.

After this futile observation, I return to my room to feed Naruto… However, I freeze when I'm in the doorway. I frantically sweep my gaze around the empty room and that of my kitchen and my living room. I don't see the blond anywhere. My heart accelerates, starts its frantic race, which increases in intensity.

"Naruto?"

I inspect the window, still closed and covered with curtains. I tackle wardrobes and cupboards big enough to hide him. The cursed doll is still on the sheets. I turn over the blankets and look under the bed. A cold sweat slides down my temple, and I continue to call out to my student while searching the surroundings. My front door is always locked. I even inspect the cupboards and my bathroom, but I can't find Naruto anywhere who seems to have vanished.

I can no longer control my unstable, dull breathing. Was my short trip to the bathroom enough for this group to abduct him again...? Despite the overwhelming odours, I focus chakra in my nose, in hope to find him. I'm about to summon Pakkun…

Suddenly I have goosebumps, and all the hairs on my body stand up. A shiver of fear slides down my spine. A strange feeling takes hold of me. Irrational fear sabotages my cognitive functions; this fear turns into terror, to the point of wanting to run away… This feeling is similar to that moment when I was a prey facing a merciless predator. My waking reptilian brain freezes me in place and hammers my chest with pain.

I hear a hiss of nightmare and a crack above me. I suddenly raise my head with a start and let out a muffled gasp.

On all fours, Naruto is glued to the ceiling. His face is distorted by a wild entity, as if he's completely possessed. He bares his fangs. His eyes shine with incomparable intensity, just like his black markings, now blue. His dark and light hairs are ruffled to their peak like a veritable ball of static electricity, and they move in a non-existent wind generated by his awakening veil of lightning.

I barely have time to contemplate this vision of horror, which petrifies me with imaginary bounds, as he pounces on me in a flash. He violently pins me to the ground. I raise my hands to my head when it hits the floor heavily. As quickly as a viper, his tail wraps around my arms and wrists, which end up tied and neutralized, before being nailed above my skull. My heart panics as I open my eye.

Astride on my body, this nightmarish Naruto is back and has devoured every last bit of the boy I know…

This Naruto from that night who tried to assault my entire being is here, on top of me, ready to finish what he started.

Terror and the resurgence of nightmares tie my throat, my trachea. My wheezing is miserable, insufficient. My arms, my hands are useless. I beat my legs pitifully, but my efforts to free myself are in vain. Naruto grabs my face to force me to look at him. Knowing that he wants to petrify me with his demon eyes, I close my right eye and present him my Sharingan, with which I resist him. Despite my diminished chakra reserves, I manage to fight against his pupils with mine.

Naruto takes on an aggressive look while hissing more loudly. He gets closer to my face, accentuates the intensity of his powers to gain the upper hand. Therefore, I must imitate him. Quickly, I sweat and pant heavily; my chakra is shrinking like a breath. In addition to resisting him, I try to subdue him under my power, hypnotize him with my dōjutsu and therefore, save myself from the irreparable disaster that awaits me if I lose this eye fight.

I'm doomed if he manages to petrify me.

Nothing and no one will help me.

It's just me and the beast in the darkness.

Angry and frustrated, Naruto lets out another bloodcurdling hiss. He covers my Sharingan by slapping his palm on it. I'm losing my only way to stand up to him. Then, using two fingers, he slowly pulls my right eyelid apart to capture my vulnerable iris.

I struggle with all my might to keep it closed. I shake my head for him to let me go, to regain use of my Sharingan, but he holds me firmly in place. My throat is sealed, narrow; only silent pleas escape my lips. I'm terrified like never before. I furiously wave my legs to hit him, push him away… I can hardly reach or touch him. I fight against the biological bond that ties my hands in helplessness…

Then the inevitable happens.

My eye meets Naruto's bright blue ones.

Naruto captures my iris, which can no longer blink. This tingling sensation spreads throughout my body, which has become frozen; a feeling that millions of insects are swarming under every part of my numb skin. My strength is leaving me. I lose all combativeness, all motor skills, all willpower.

I am at his mercy.

Roughly, Naruto pins my face to the right side. He slips his hand under the fabric of my tank top to reveal the skin of my neck…

Then he sinks his fangs deep into my flesh, and I'm struck with excruciating pain that becomes deadly agony.

An infernal pain tears me apart and burns my neck, my throat… It plunges me into hell and tears out a cry of distress from me. Naruto quickly covers my mouth with his hand to silence my incessant screams in response to the unbearable abuse. I no longer feel anything other than my body ablaze with this inconceivable agony. I'm suffering from spasms in all my muscles, my limbs… I can't breathe. My vision is blurred by tears of suffering. I groaned in despair. I squirm in all directions while my flesh, my veins… Everything is nothing more than an inferno that devours and cremates like acid all my dying cells…

I end up sinking into darkness…