M rating applies to this chapter
I should be studying or writing my term paper but instead I wrote this. much more enjoyable.
extra long and extra spicy for you guys ;)
enjoy xoxo
Disclaimer: i own nothing
They knock on the door at Liz's, Jess having no desire to go all the way inside this time. The door swings open and it's Doula, Liz standing a few feet behind her.
"Hi, I'm ready," Doula says quickly, her face lacking the excitement Jess expected to see there. He looks back at Liz and she refuses to look him in the eye.
"You sure?" Jess asks his sister, surveying her face. She nods and steps out of the house. Rory looks between the three of them and decides to be the one to interact with her.
"Hi Liz. Jess said you invited me over for Christmas. I would love to come."
Liz looks up and only looks at Rory, but her and Jess can both see her eyes are red and slightly unfocused, "Great, that's great. I'm glad. Well, you guys have fun. See you later."
She goes to close the door and Rory panics, she knows something is wrong with her. She assumes she's drunk, she has seen Logan inebriated enough times to know what it looks like. And now all she can think about is her sweet daughter coming home to this later. Rory places a hand on the door before it closes, "Wait um. Would you be comfortable with Doula sleeping over at my mom's house with us tonight? If she's okay with it. I would love to introduce her to a Gilmore style slumber party."
She didn't notice how tense Jess was until she sees his shoulders visibly relax in the corner of her eye.
"Can I please mom?" Doula asks, the previously missing enthusiasm clear in her voice. Liz's shoulders slump and she replies hesitantly, "Sure. If you want. Don't forget your costume for tomorrow."
"Thank you," her daughter cheers, running into the house to pack a bag. Liz waits just inside, past the door frame, arms crossed and unwilling to make any conversation with the two adults. Rory notices Jess has taken a step back too and is waiting for his sister off the porch. She wonders what she missed since last night. Despite not doing anything but lying in bed, having sex, and talking for the last five hours, he never detailed his night or morning, and she didn't ask in case he wasn't ready.
Doula comes barreling back down the hallway with a stuffed tote bag in her hands and small bookbag on her back. She stops to hug her mom, and as they break away, she says, "You smell like Christmas trees." Liz's face turns red, and she steps away from her daughter, and further from Jess's scathing stare. "Thanks for letting me go, mom. Lorelai's been talking about having a Gilmore sleepover for so long! I wonder if she will be sad that she missed this." Doula's curious eyes turn to look at Rory, and she offers the young girl a kind smile and shake of her head, "No, no. It's good to have training before the big event. She goes much harder than me. We'll practice tonight."
"Have fun," Liz says loudly, then more under her breath, "without me. Everyone does." It isn't missed by any one and all at once, Jess turns stern, Doula is sad, and Rory is anxious. Jess turns to Rory and Doula, "You guys go wait in the car, I'll be right there."
Rory nods and Doula starts to follow but turns around and says, "Sorry, I love you," to her mother. It tugs at Rory's heart; no child should feel the need to apologize to their parent for something like this. She hurriedly leads Doula to the car, before Jess goes off in front of them.
As soon as he hears the vehicle doors slam shut, he swings around to face Liz.
"You cannot talk like that in front of your child! Do you not see how fucking manipulative that is?"
Even as he rages at her, she doesn't meet his eyes.
"But it's true! You and Doula can't stand to be around me."
"This shit with Doula is in your head. You and her have a different relationship than you and me. She loves you so much, Liz. She told me she loves hanging out with you, so I don't know where this is coming from, but it needs to stop. If you keep this up, your relationship with her is going to start looking more like ours."
Liz doesn't respond, she stares at the floor. Her body sways as it tries to keep a balanced position.
"And Doula's right, you do smell like Christmas trees. What time did you start drinking gin today? Did you at least stay sober to pick your daughter up from dance? And why did she look upset when we got here?"
Liz scoffs, "Yes, I picked her up. I don't need this, Jess. Go ahead, take my daughter away from me and have fun. I'll see you guys at her recital tomorrow, I guess. Bye."
She closes the door in his face, and it takes every ounce of control for him to not hit it with his fist.
He takes a few calming breaths and relaxes his features before turning around to join the two girls in the car. He gets behind the wheel, and is greeted by their happy, squeaky voices; it's like birds singing a sweet tune after a storm, and it brings a sudden sweeping warmth to his chest. He can't help but smile despite the overwhelming gloom he felt moments ago.
"What are you two yipping about?" he teases, and Rory nudges him with her elbow playfully.
"Just planning our night! You don't mind painting our nails, do you?" she bats her eyelashes, and Doula giggles in the backseat. He huffs in disbelief, but all he wants is to keep these two happy so that he can absorb whatever radiates off them. So, he doesn't argue.
"Whatever you girls want. I'm glad I picked up that pizza earlier."
"Yep, you saved us time. Now you just have to stop at Luke's, Al's and Doose's."
He turns and looks between the two of them, "Tell me you're joking."
Doula shakes her head, "No! We already called and ordered."
"Mhm. Chinese from Al's, all things fried from Luke's, and then we just need to run into Doose's for some candy. I'm sure mom has some in the house, but she will never forgive us if we let her come home to an empty supply."
"Don't forget the ice cream!" Doula chimes in, and Rory nods, "you're right, we'll get that at Doose's too."
Jess scoffs and turns his head back, pulling out of the driveway.
"I hope you're prepared to clean up vomit," he mutters to Rory.
"That's rookie stuff. She's no rookie, I bet she's a natural."
"Yeah, I'm not a rookie. Oh, Rory I almost forgot to tell you!" Doula exclaims and Rory turns around in the passenger seat to look at her.
"Jess pinky promised today! And we sealed it with a pinky kiss."
Rory gasps and looks at Jess, pure amusement on her face. Jess squirms in his seat and shakes his head.
"No, she sealed it with a kiss. Jeez Doula, you are evil."
She cackles in the backseat and Rory laughs.
"Will you pinky promise with me?" she asks merrily.
"No."
"Come on, pinky promise that you'll pinky promise something with me."
"You think they sell muzzles at Doose's?"
"I said I would paint your nails, I did not say that you could paint mine."
Jess is arguing with the two girls in the living room, who are armed with various nail polishes they recovered from Lorelai's bathroom, spreading them across the coffee table by their finish: Shiny, sparkly, or matte.
"But there are so many colors, we need as many nails to paint as possible," Doula reasons, shaking a periwinkle polish at him.
"That's not my problem! There's only so many colors because Rory's mother is apparently a beauty supply hoarder. Seriously, she could open her own salon."
"We've thought about it, even discussed it in detail. But we couldn't agree on a name, so we had to throw the idea out."
"Oh, was 'Lunatic Lorelai's Salon and Sanitarium' on the table? Rolls right off the tongue," Jess replies to Rory, who can't suppress her laugh in response.
"Okay fine, we won't paint your nails but you still have to paint ours. And I'm thinking of doing a rainbow of colors," Doula gives him an evil smirk, one eyebrow raised up high. He can see so clearly a resemblance between himself and her in that moment. It causes him to falter and think about everything that happened yesterday and today. The words are coming out of his mouth before he can stop himself.
"Why were you upset when we picked you up earlier?"
Her face falls as does Rory's, both adult's eyes watching her carefully. She is quiet, and Jess sits down on the couch next to her to hopefully bring her some comfort.
"Mom and dad got in a fight when he got home from work," she mumbles.
He looks her over before replying, "I'm sorry. It's hard hearing adults fight, isn't it? Especially your own parents."
She shrugs, "I've heard them fight before. It just made me feel kinda…cringy because she was saying weird stuff. He was mad at her for something he found, I think he said beefeaters?" she looks back and forth between Jess and Rory to see if that means anything. She misses their shared look of concern.
"Anyway, she was yelling about how no one understands how hard it is. She said like you have Rory now and you're probably going to get married and start your own family and be happy without us, and then she said that I'm probably going to go through puberty soon and grow boobs and then I'm going to be interested in boys and stay out late and get in trouble and stuff, she said she expects the universe to give her exactly what she was as a teenager and she's 'mentally preparing'. I don't know what any of it means but why is she talking to my dad about puberty and boobs?! That is so embarrassing and it's not even happening yet!"
Her somewhat innocent and self-centered takeaway of the fight gives Jess some hope that she is oblivious to her mother's drinking issue. Rory anxiously gnaws at her lip, unsure of what to do or if Jess even wants her to be part of this at all. Jess is running a hand roughly over his face in distress. He looks over at Rory, he clearly doesn't know what to say either. She releases her lip and tries her hand at it.
"That does sound like an odd conversation," Rory says eventually and meets her eyes, "it was always so uncomfortable for me when other people discussed my body at that age. And you know what, it still is. Because it's so personal, right?"
Doula nods fervently in agreement.
"You're totally right to be skeeved. The good news is, it's your body only and you can protect it. You have a voice. It's okay to tell your mom that you're not comfortable with her discussing stuff like that again."
"I guess but then she might get sad that I'm mad at her."
"Doula," Jess cuts in, "you are not responsible for her. You are allowed to have whatever feelings you have, and you're allowed to express them, as long as you're not trying to purposely hurt somebody."
She shrugs in response, "It's so confusing. She used to be so cool and nice all the time, now she is still cool and nice sometimes but other times she's sad and a little bit mean."
Jess sighs, and feeling bad about forcing her to discuss this, he makes a concession.
"What color do you think will look better with my skin tone," he picks up two polishes from the table, "'Christmas Gone Plaid' or 'Dark Side of the Mood'? Jesus, what kinds of names are these? What happened to green or gray?"
The girls burst into fits of laughter, and he feels that calm coming over him again.
"I told you she wouldn't throw up," Rory says with a proud smile as they get into her bed for the night.
"Yet. There's still tomorrow. I'm pretty sure she housed her weight in Swedish fish before bed, that's bound to bite her in the ass."
"It was impressive, right? She's totally an honorary Gilmore. I actually do think mom will be sad that she missed this."
Jess climbs into bed next to her, laying on his side so he can see her face.
"I would say scary, not impressive. Why did we give her the big king size bed again?" he inquires, as he looks at the tiny bed frame surrounding them.
"We don't want to sleep in that bed, that's where mom and Luke sleep. It's weirder for us than it is for her."
"It's not weird for me. You don't think they've had sex in every room of this house? You use the kitchen, bathroom, and living room just fine."
Rory shoots him a look of disgust, "Thanks a lot. Now I'm never leaving this room."
"Should we tell them about what went down on their kitchen counter earlier today? Maybe you can gross them out in return."
"Oh god, stop. I think I'm going to be sick now."
Jess smirks, "it didn't seem to make you feel sick when I lifted your naked ass on that counter top, and played with your -"
"Jess! Your sister's in the house."
"I know you think she's cool, but she doesn't have any superpowers. There's no way she can hear me."
Rory huffs and moves to shut off the light, but he grabs her hand. She turns to look at him and is met with a strikingly sincere look.
"Rory, thank you for today. You're…amazing. And a hundred other great things. I mean it."
Her face softens, and she smiles weakly.
"Jess, what's going on with your mom? What happened last night? And this morning?"
He doesn't necessarily want to live through it again so soon, but he looks at Rory and thinks about all the kindness she showed to him and his sister today, and he knows he has to. He moves his hand from hers to trace lines up and down her arm.
"She came back late last night drunk. I tried to talk to her, but she just denied everything and gave me a hard time. This morning I snuck up to her room. It smelled like marijuana, and she had a bong sitting out. Pot alone I wouldn't worry about you know, it's no big deal. But it's never just one thing with her. So, I looked through her closet and the stash I found Rory…multiple bottles of gin, vodka, rum; she even had mixers up there so she can make herself a sneaky fucking cocktail in her room I guess. It made me nauseous and…scared."
"Oh, Jess," Rory replies, reflecting the pain in his face on her own, "I'm so sorry. What are you going to do?"
He shrugs, "That's the problem. I don't know what to do. It's a difficult situation because she's not drinking so much that she's straight up neglecting her child or her life. But she is drinking enough that it's affecting her personality, and the way she talks to people, especially Doula."
Rory's heart sinks, "You mean the stuff she said today?"
"That and other stuff. She tells her she's annoying sometimes, probably when she's hungover and doesn't want to talk, and that remark yesterday about not being as smart as us. And this morning we made pancakes and Liz popped out of nowhere and it made her jump, so she dropped one by accident and Liz made a comment about how it's okay because she was never a good cook either. She just…it's like she wants to wreck her self-esteem or something."
"That's terrible, oh my god. And your sister is so sweet and smart. She deserves to be empowered and encouraged, not stifled. I don't get it."
"I know. It's borderline bullying. But that's just it, it's borderline. It's small, but sharp slights. Everything about the situation is right on the tip of being something much worse, I don't know how to handle something at this level. I can't force her into rehab. I can't force them into family counseling or take Doula away without getting authorities involved."
Rory doesn't know what to say, or how to help. She puts one of her hands on Jess's and holds it.
"It's confusing too because all the shit that Liz is saying makes no sense. When she snapped at me yesterday, one of the complaints she had was that Doula doesn't have enough time to spend with her, and she doesn't want to hang out with her. But when I talked to Doula, she said she likes to hang out with her and there are only some things she doesn't want to do. She loves her. She's not even embarrassed by her or anything. And you see the way they interacted today…Liz is making Doula feel things that a child shouldn't feel. She shouldn't feel responsible for her mother's mood or happiness, she shouldn't feel like she's doing anything wrong by being a kid and enjoying her life. It just…it infuriates me."
"Of course, it does. You've been through all this with her before and you know how hard it is, and how hard it could be for your sister."
"And the fight that Doula told us about today…she has no reason to say or assume those things about her. Especially since the girl is only ten. It's like she was projecting all of her personal regrets on her daughter. What would even possess her to have that thought?"
"It sounds to me like she's pushing everyone away before they hurt her. Or…before she hurts them. I think we're both familiar with that feeling."
Their eyes meet and he leans over to kiss her softly.
"I don't want her to grow up anything like I did. And I definitely don't want her to run away from people that love and care about her one day."
Rory bites her lip at his openness and pauses to think.
"Jess…I have a Christmas gift for you. I was going to give it to you on the actual day but…I don't want to wait and it's a gift that requires some work on your part."
His eyebrow lifts in confusion, "you're giving me a gift or homework?"
She ignores his comment and gets up for her laptop, "I had the idea yesterday and immediately came home from Lane's and completed it. I thought it would take longer but for once I didn't have trouble translating my own thoughts and feelings."
She sits back on the bed with her computer open.
"I planned to go somewhere to print and bind it, but again. Don't want to wait."
Once she opens what she was looking for, she hands it to him. He sits up in the bed, back against the headboard and body brushing against Rory's.
"What's this?"
"Read it."
"Dodger?"
She gives him a small smile, "it's the Jess chapter."
His eyes widen slightly, and he swallows, "and this isn't going to make me want to bury myself alive?"
She chuckles, "I sure hope not but make sure you attach a bell to you, so I know to dig you out."
He shoots her a weary look and she pets his arm kindly.
"It might be difficult in the beginning, but I promise it will be worth it in the end. Take your time. I'll email it to you so you can read it however you want."
His mouth forms an appreciative half smile, "Thank you. I'm going to start tomorrow if that's okay, my head is throbbing from this day."
She nods, "it's your gift, read it whenever you want."
He closes her laptop and hands it back to her, capturing her lips as he leans over.
"Hey how was your interview?" Jess asks as he breaks away. Rory exhales an exhausted sigh, placing her laptop on the floor under her bed and shutting the light off.
"Turned out to be one of the most Logan things he's ever done. But I talked to him, and it's all sorted. Won't be working at Time magazine any time soon though," she slides back in bed, and Jess wraps her up in his awaiting arms.
"I don't like the sound of that. What happened?" He asks, mouth against the back of her neck.
"The woman I spoke to has been lusting after Logan since he was 18. Take a guess as to whether he knew that or not."
Jess scoffs, "What a piece of work. Did she ask you to hook them up or something?"
"Worse, she asked if he's good in bed."
"Jesus Christ."
"Yeah. I yelled at Logan, and I think I got through to him. We will see what happens."
"Good. Though he deserves more than yelling at this point."
"It would be hard to fight him on separate continents."
"I can pack a pretty mean punch."
"I believe you, I've seen your biceps," she giggles, "And don't worry, I told her he's nowhere near as good as Jess Mariano. Hopefully she doesn't come for you too."
She feels him chuckle and smile into her neck.
"She has no chance," his voice is soft and raspy, vibrating against her skin. It relaxes her whole body, and she melts into him ready to sleep away the day they had.
"Ror," he whispers a few moments later.
"Hmm?"
"You will be an incredible mom one day. If you want to be."
She feels a rush of emotions in her chest and throat, she grasps on tightly to one of his hands.
"Thank you."
The next morning, Rory wakes up and turns to hug Jess. His space is empty, and she sits up to see it's 8am. She gets out of bed and opens her bedroom door. Her heart thumps at the sight of Jess reading her laptop, a warm smile on his face and a steaming cup of coffee next to him. He looks up and his smile grows larger. He stands up wordlessly and pours her a cup of coffee. They meet at the kitchen table and share a short kiss before sitting down next to each other.
"You didn't write about the snowwoman," he states quietly after a few minutes of silently savoring their caffeine fix. Rory quirks her head to the side in confusion.
"The snowwoman you and your mom made. Bjork."
Her confusion turns to a smile, "Oh my god you're right! How could I forget you beheaded a snow figure for me? I must have been too distracted thinking about how you risked your life jumping into a moving carriage."
"It wasn't just for you. It was pretentious. Someone had to do it," he smirks softly in return, "and that carriage was going slower than a turtle on land. The only risk I took was you pushing me out of it."
"Uh huh. You know, I feel a little guilty about that because even though she was cool, our snowwoman was not that great."
"What she lacked in structure, she made up for in style."
Rory laughs, "You're just saying that to be nice. Wrecking that snow sculpture was totally not worth your time and skills."
He shrugs, "Did you smile when you saw what I did?"
"Of course, mom did too."
"Then it was worth it."
"Sap!" she teases, yet her smile is wide as a crescent moon. He leans over to devour her grin but is interrupted by heavy steps coming down the stairs.
Doula appears in the kitchen moments later, hair a tangled mess and a small frown on her face.
"Someone's looking a little green around the gills," Jess mumbles into his coffee, looking back and forth between Rory and his sister.
"My belly hurts," Doula whines and sulks over to the table. Rory grimaces slightly, feeling bad.
"I'm sorry, it's all part of the experience. We Gilmores have to build our steel stomachs, we aren't born with them unfortunately."
"I don't think I'm strong enough to be a Gilmore," Doula mutters, laying her head on the table. Jess bites back a laugh next to Rory.
"Of course, you are! You lasted through the whole night without losing momentum once. You convinced your brother to paint his nails. You watched Roman Holiday and didn't even cry at the end! You're so strong."
Doula peeks her head up to look at Rory and Jess, "Can I try coffee?"
"Oh sure, pour a hot, dehydrating liquid over your stomachache. That's a great idea," Jess remarks sarcastically.
"It usually works for me," Rory adds with a shrug. He shoots her a deadly look.
"Um, sorry Doula. I don't think that's a good idea."
She doesn't respond, but she starts to hiccup and Jess and Rory share a nervous look.
"Are you okay?" Jess asks, standing up to prepare for what seems like is about to happen. Doula keeps hiccupping and she shakes her head no. Jess grabs the trash can and hurriedly puts it next to her. He pulls her hair back as she turns towards it and throws up.
Rory groans in guilt, "Oh god. I'm so sorry. I should not have encouraged those midnight Swedish fish. I'll see if we have ginger ale or something."
"Maybe a stomach pump," Jess mumbles. Rory returns from the fridge with a sprite and places it on the table near Doula, "Sorry we only have sprite. But I think it's the bubbles that help anyway."
"It looks like the Swedish fish came back whole. That's crazy!" Doula lazily remarks, staring into the trash can.
"Not as crazy as you. Why don't you go shower and change? Luke and Lorelai have a pretty cool bathroom up there. Come on, I'll walk you up the stairs in case you feel sick again." Jess pulls her up carefully from the chair and chaperones her to the top of the steps. Rory hears him jog back down a moment later.
"Jess, I'm so sorry. I feel so terrible that she got sick," Rory says earnestly, arms across her stomach and eyes doe like. Jess places a hand on her arm and offers her a warm smile.
"Don't worry about it. She had fun. Kids get sick, it's fine."
"Okay," Rory replies meekly, "but I'm taking the trash out."
"No way, that's not a woman's job," he states as he pulls the bag from the trash can, "what kind of man would I be letting you use your pretty polished hands to handle something so gross? That's not what they're meant for."
Rory blushes slightly at his words, "I don't know if that's sexist or not, but I do know that I benefit from it, so I'll allow it."
"Good," Jess takes one of her hands in his and brings it to his lips for a kiss, "these hands are made for writing.," he kisses it again. "An email popped up while I was reading that you'll want to look at. I'll be right back to see your reaction."
Rory gives him a questioning look and runs to her computer at his words. She quickly navigates to her email, before she minimizes the chapter she wrote for Jess, she notices that he's added his notes to what he's read so far. She smiles appreciatively; writing in the margins even on a laptop. She adores it. As she opens up her email, Jess returns to the kitchen and stands by her. She gapes when she sees it, and quickly reads through the email.
"Oh my god! The New York Times wants to talk to me?" she looks at Jess in disbelief, and he smiles wide at her excitement.
"I assumed that's what it said."
"Oh my god!" she squeals, jumping up and down in place. She turns to Jess and barrels into his chest. He catches her with his arms and kisses her hard on the head.
"Jess! The New York Times! They have reporters all over the world!"
"It's amazing, Ror. It's the perfect place for you."
"How the hell did Logan get me in at the times?!"
"I guess he finally came to his senses," Jess brushes her hair out of her face and kisses her sweetly, "you deserve this."
"Thank you for pushing me."
"Any time. Go schedule that interview."
She nods and sits down at the table to reply to the email. After she sends off her availability, she takes out her phone. She sends a simple text to Logan: Thank you. She closes her laptop and shrieks with excitement again. It ignites such a happiness in Jess to see her so thrilled for something again. He had a feeling her true passion would turn out to be the same as it was when they were young. He's happy for confirmation that he knows her so well. As she dances around the kitchen, talking a million miles a second, he has to place a hand on his chest to steady its swelling. She moves past him, and he takes her by surprise, grabbing her and dipping her down for an enthusiastic kiss. She wraps her arms around his neck, pulling her face as close as possible. He lifts her up to stand straight but doesn't release her mouth.
"I just remembered it's Christmas Eve!" Doulas voice, now energetic and peppy, breaks them apart like shrapnel. She stops at the kitchen entrance and looks at them, her hair wet from her quick shower.
"Aren't you cousins?"
Jess rolls his eyes and gives a resounding, "No."
As Rory says, "only by marriage!" They look at each other.
"We dated first. It's not weird. We are not blood related." Rory argues.
Doula nods, "okay. That's cool. My recital is at noon we have to get to miss patty's! I have to be there by 10am."
"Relax, we have over an hour. Let Rory get ready, and we'll go. Unless you want to wear your Rudolph pajamas?" He turns to her. She looks down surveying her outfit.
"Well, it is Christmas Eve…," she looks up and meets Jess's curious smirk, "Okay no. I'll get changed. Be right back!"
As Doula and the other dancers in her class take the stage, Jess does a quick search around the room for her parents as he had been doing every five minutes since the show started. Rory places a hand on his to bring his attention to them entering through a different door, taking seats in the back row. His body relaxes with an exhale and Rory gives him a sympathetic smile.
The group starts their dance, and at first Jess's eyes are completely on his little sister, secret smile on his face. But a few minutes in, he is distracted by hushed whispers coming from behind him and Rory. He sucks in a breath, afraid to turn around and get confirmation of who it is. He feels Rory turn in her seat, and then stand up. He tugs at her arm, "Don't bother."
"Watch your sister. I'll be right back."
"Rory, it's almost over. Let's just ignore them."
She shakes her head and walks away, towards the back of the room.
She doesn't want Jess to deal with it all himself. When he explained everything to her the night before, he looked haunted by the past. And anxious about the potential future. She doesn't know when he plans to get Luke involved, but until then, she wants to protect him as much as she can. She approaches the quarreling couple and catches some of their argument.
"That's a lot of money Liz! We pay for the costumes too? No wonder I have to work two jobs!"
"Quiet TJ, we can't take this away from her now! I'll make double the jewelry for the ren fairs this summer. We'll make more money."
"Oh yeah? Ya ever think about, I don't know, working a job until then instead of what you've been doing in your free time?"
Rory steps up to them and clears her throat.
"Hi Liz, hi TJ. I know it's hard to see from back here, so I just wanted to make sure you know that Doula's on now." She whispers, pointing to the stage.
"Oh, I know. Her and her diamond encrusted leotard! That should go towards her Christmas gifts."
Liz smacks him on the arm, "it's not her fault!"
"I think she looks great! And it's almost over, don't you want to see the end?" Rory breaks in.
Liz and TJ both get quiet and turn their attention fully towards the stage.
"She does look great," TJ states, "like one of those music boxes."
Liz smiles and places a hand on TJ's.
Satisfied, Rory stands and quietly walks back to her seat next to Jess just as the performance ends. She smiles and claps, and notices that Jess does too.
She leans over to him and whispers, "You old softy."
Ignoring her comment he asks, "Everything okay with dumb and dumber?"
"I think so. They watched at least the end."
Jess just shakes his head in annoyance, "You want a coffee? No way am I sitting through another half hour of small children spinning in circles."
Rory suppresses her laugh, "but we have to see her take her bow at the end!"
"We'll come back. Come on, Luke's is five steps away," he stands up, nodding towards the exit.
"Okay, but only because coffee is involved."
"Of course, I'm not deluded enough to think you would just join me for the company," he playfully smirks at her as they walk out of the studio.
"Duh, I would love to sit and watch kids fall on stage instead. It makes me feel better about my past with dancing."
As they walk into Luke's, she follows Jess's lead as he walks past the diner patrons and up the stairs towards the apartment.
"We just walked past the coffee! Did you trick me? Was this a ploy to have a quickie with me in your old bed? Are you trying to fulfill all your teenage dreams? Was having sex in my childhood bedroom not weird enough for you?!"
Jess chuckles and opens the door to the apartment, "Don't forget to breathe, Gilmore," he walks them into the kitchen and pulls a chair out for her at the table, "And no. I just didn't want to deal with whatever crazies are in the diner. I didn't bring you up here for a quickie. Though, it's not completely off the table for me." He gives her a suggestive look.
"No! I can only imagine what we would leave in the apartment for Luke to find this time."
He smirks and turns around to start making coffee, Rory then says more quietly, "besides we don't have any condoms."
Without missing a beat, Jess replies, "There are plenty of things I can do to you that don't require condoms." She looks down at the table as crimson creeps up her neck and face.
"You're thinking about all those options now, aren't you?" he hasn't turned from the coffee machine but can tell from her silence.
"Nope. I am cool as a cucumber."
"Uh huh. You're not thinking about my face between your legs then? Because that's what I was thinking about." He turns around to face her as the coffee percolates behind him. He sees her heated skin and the side of his mouth moves up higher.
"I see that's exactly what you're thinking about."
"Stop, we don't have time! And there is not a surface in here that I would be comfortable doing that on. Not even the couch, which was a onetime thing."
He steadily replies, "I have a comfortable place you can sit."
Her blush deepens further, and her mouth opens slightly. He walks towards her, leaning on the table to get closer to her face.
"You don't need me to spell that out for you, do you? Okay, okay - I'll lay on the bed, and you perch your pretty pink -"
"Oh my god, I know what you mean!"
"Jeez, you never let me finish my dirty sentences," he huffs, "I bet they would really turn you on too." He walks back towards the coffee machine and pours them each a cup.
"What is up with you?!" Rory exclaims. He sits down next to her, giving her a mug. He half shrugs, "You're the one that insinuated I was bringing you up here for sex."
"But you, and your mouth, escalated it!"
He smirks briefly but turns sincere as he runs a hand over hers, "Just want to show you, my appreciation."
She looks at him imploringly, willing him to go on.
"You dealing with me and this family stuff when you don't have to."
"Why wouldn't I? I told you I would be here for you."
He nods, "I know. But we never really got into where we stand. As a couple, or not."
She shakes her head, "That doesn't make a difference. You've been by my side this whole time without any promise of anything. You don't think I'm happy to do the same for you?"
He smiles gently and leans over to kiss her, "Thank you."
"You're more than welcome. And…once you finish your Christmas gift, we will revisit that subject I think."
He looks at her curiously and nods, "Didn't realize it's a gift that keeps on giving."
She smiles and it's silent between them for a few minutes, each sipping their coffee in thought. She checks the time to see how long they have before walking back to Miss Patty's, and it makes her think about Liz and TJ.
"Jess, I heard some stuff when I went to talk to your mom and TJ. It sounds like they might be having money problems."
He places his mug down on the table, "Why? What did they say?"
"When I walked up to them, I heard TJ complaining about the cost of Doula's dance class, Liz said something about how they'll make more money this Summer at the fairs. TJ made a comment about Liz doing something for work in the meantime instead of what she's 'been doing in her free time'."
Jess stares at Rory in silence, analyzing her words. He then swallows and sits back in his chair, running a hand through his hair roughly.
"So, they're having money problems, and my brilliant mother's response is to spend money on alcohol so she can drink until she forgets?"
Rory looks at him sympathetically, "I don't know. I wish I had answers for you. But she definitely did not smell like liquor today so that's good, right?"
"It's…something."
She pats him on the leg comfortingly, "Let's go back. We can try and sit really close so Doula can see us."
"That's going a little far for me. Can't have all of Stars Hollow thinking I'm soft."
"Don't get all toxic masculinity on me. There's nothing wrong with being soft!"
"It has nothing to do with my manliness. I don't want people to think they can talk to me."
And just as they step out on the sidewalk in front of Luke's, they're stopped by Kirk.
"On behalf of the citizens of Stars Hollow, I'd like to ask: are you two together again?"
Rory sees the teenage scowl begin to form on Jess's face.
"Kirk, you are not authorized to speak on behalf of the citizens of Stars Hollow, but you can tell them at the next town meeting that it's none of their business."
She pulls at Jess's arm and leads them both towards Miss Patty's.
"Jess, what about you? Do you care to comment?"
He stops in his tracks and spins around causing Kirk to shrink back.
"All I would care to do is use any means necessary to shut you up if you ask either one of us another invasive question." And just as quickly, he turns back around and continues walking towards the studio.
"See what I mean? If Kirk is comfortable addressing me, I'm not safe from anyone in this town."
Rory pouts and pats his arm, "Poor Jess. Okay, we won't stand near the stage. We can sit in the back like antisocial rebels."
They get inside just as the dance groups are starting to come out for the curtain call. Rory watches all the children, from toddlers to teenagers, happily take their bows and wave at their family members in the crowd. It plays in her mind like an alternate ending scene to her life, and she feels that familiar anguish pulling in her chest. Her eyes water, and she wraps her arms around herself and bites at her lip, trying to check her emotions.
"You okay?" She feels his mouth close to her ear and it makes her shiver.
"Yeah."
He stares but doesn't say anything else, instead he secretly reaches around her back to hold the fingers on that side of her body. She leans back slightly into his arm.
"I was just…wondering if my kid would have ended up being one of them. Maybe not here at Miss Patty's, but wherever. I'm sure there are dance studios in Queens."
Jess holds onto her fingers tighter and leans in to kiss the back of her head after checking that no one nearby is looking at them.
"I don't know, could Logan dance?" the question surprises her enough that the tears stay put.
"What?"
"Well, we both know you couldn't dance so based on that alone, your child probably wouldn't be on a stage."
Jess looks a small bit unsure as he says the words, but the crack of a smile on her face erases that.
"I danced great with you at the wedding!"
"Now that you bring it up, you did step on my toes a couple of times."
She gawks, "You made that up!"
He smiles, "Maybe. But I also saw your 80s dance moves to White Wedding. Reminded me a little of Elaine Benes."
Her jaw drops and she's about to protest, but as it dawns on her that he distracted her on purpose, she smiles too.
"Thanks."
The dancers suddenly start heading off the stage and into the crowd, and Doula finds them before they even had a chance to look for her.
"Did you see me? Our group was so good! And I think we had the best song."
Jess grins at her, "Definitely better than those overplayed Nutcracker songs."
Rory laughs, "Doula you were great! I'm very impressed. Maybe you can teach me to dance since apparently I stepped on your brother's toes at my mom's wedding."
She and Jess share a quick smile.
"Okay, next sleepover! I will teach you everything I know. Have you seen my mom and dad?" the girl looks around the room searching.
"Maybe they went outside, let's go check." Rory leads the three of them out the door and onto the sidewalk outside.
Jess finds them first; they are standing against a tree, one on each side, with their arms crossed. He taps Rory and Doula and nods in the direction, leading them over to the tree. Doula blazes ahead of him shouting, "Did you see me? Did you love it?"
Both parents turn towards her with a smile, and it puts the flurry of trepidation in Jess's chest at ease.
"You looked just like a music box! You were amazing!" TJ compliments, opening his arms to give his daughter a big hug.
"You were wonderful. That song sounded so familiar, was it a popular song?"
"Mom, I told you so many times it's from Sleeping Beauty! The one that's like I walked with you once upon a dream. Remember?" Doula responds, and she sounds more entertained by her mom's forgetfulness than perturbed, which eases Jess as well.
"Oh right, right! Such a lovely song," Liz smiles softly, "and how was the sleepover?"
"So much fun! Jess painted our nails, and then we painted his nails - look," she grabs Jess's hand and pulls it into her parents' vision.
"Wow, green looks good on you. I could never pull that color off, Doula usually paints my nails a nice light pink. Kinda like her leotard. Hey, that reminds me, Doula do you think you'll need to wear that costume for dance again?"
"TJ…" Liz says in a warning tone, but she doesn't drop the smile on her face.
"So, what time do you want us over tomorrow?" Jess cuts in, before things can get more uncomfortable.
"Oh right. I was thinking a late lunch, so maybe around 1?" Liz replies, looking back and forth between Jess and Rory.
"We'll be there by noon. Just in case you need help with anything." Rory says with a small smile.
"Great! Maybe you two can bring a bottle of wine and a dessert?"
Both Jess and TJ's eyes shoot Liz a look.
"Um, we will certainly try. Okay, bye Doula. You were amazing. I'll see you tomorrow," Rory quickly ends the conversation, pulling the girl into a hug.
"Bye. See you tomorrow," Jess pats her on the head, but she forces herself in for a hug.
"With presents right?"
"Damn, I knew I forgot something." Jess jokes but Doula gasps in response.
"He's kidding. He's a menace. I saw the gifts myself, don't worry," Rory states, nudging him with her elbow. Doula steps back and sticks out her tongue at him.
"Menace! Maybe I forgot your gift too."
"I guess I will find out tomorrow, wont I?"
"Okay, we're going to go. TJ has to work for a few hours. See you tomorrow!"
"You were right, she seems sober," Jess realizes as they walk back towards the house, "hope that means Doula gets a normal Christmas."
"She will have a great Christmas I'm sure. And maybe we just needed TJ to find out about her drinking. Maybe it's over now."
He puts an arm around her shoulders, mindful that no one is around them, and kisses the side of her head.
"You're adorable when you're naively optimistic."
"Why isn't that possible?"
"It's Liz. If she could hide the really bad stuff from Luke for as long as she did, she can hide whatever she's doing now from TJ. Make him think everything's fine, she's got it under control. Then the next time he leaves for more than a few hours, it's a party in her closet."
"How did she hide it from Luke?"
He shrugs, "she would wrap liquor bottles in towels and hide them away, or stuff them under her bed, in a closet etc. She didn't do an amazing job at hiding it, but what she did do combined with Luke's willful ignorance did the job."
"Jess-"
"No, no I'm not bitter about Luke at all. Especially with the situation I'm finding myself in now. He didn't know what to do. He didn't see her boyfriends hit me while she was passed out drunk, or forget to feed me when she was on a bender. And it was my mom you know…when I was a kid I didn't know any better. It's not like I had the wherewithal to explain it to Luke. I didn't realize until I was older that it was all wrong."
Rory brings one of her hands to his chest as they walk, rubbing it over where his heart sits.
"I hate that you grew up that way. You deserved better. You deserved normal holidays too."
"If I hadn't grown up that way, then I wouldn't have been a bad kid, and then I wouldn't have been sent to Stars Hollow. And then I wouldn't have met you. And that would never be worth it."
Rory stops right in front of the house and stands in front of Jess. She puts one hand on his face and the other she wraps around his middle.
"I hope you finish your chapter soon," she whispers, before capturing his lips with hers. He moves his arms to pull her body closer to him, wrapping them tightly around her back. They kiss passionately, mouths fused together until they need to come up for air.
"Can I show you now how much I appreciate you?" Jess rasps. Rory's face is already red from the cold, but he knows she's blushing anyway.
"Okay, but not because it's necessary or anything." He leans in for another kiss.
"I don't need a reason. I want to do it."
"Okay. And after you'll watch Christmas movies with me and eat cookie dough, right?"
Despite the heavy lust pooling in his middle, he chuckles at her words.
"I'm telling you to sit on my face and let me pleasure you, and you're talking about Christmas movies and cookie dough?" He drawls, his fingers ghosting down her jawline and the small bit of her neck that peeks out over her scarf.
There's no mistaking her furious blush now, or the dilation of her pupils. Yet she has no audible response. He smirks and kisses her plush pouty lips again.
"Yes. If you let me make you squirm and scream, I will let you give me a normal Christmas."
She smiles bashfully, "You're on to me."
"It's hard with your pace, but I do always try to stay one step ahead of you."
"Rory…" Jess groans between her legs, "baby. Sit all the way back."
It's not the first time he's said it; somehow she keeps leaning her upper body away from him, placing her hands on his thighs to distribute her body weight.
"I don't want to suffocate you," Rory replies weakly, also repeating herself.
"I told you that's not going to happen. And if it did, I would die the happiest man alive."
She rolls her eyes but can't quell the impish grin on her face.
"But I would be sad. And why can't I spin around and sit the other way so I can see your face?"
"It's so sexy that you want to watch me devour you, but, trust me. I have much better access with you facing away from me." He demonstrates this by swirling his tongue up around her clit and she squeals at the contact. It's not that he can't make her feel good from this position, but he wants it to feel amazing for her. Which requires her to do what they came to her bedroom to do: sit on his damn face.
"Ugh," she moans, "Okay, okay. I'm going to sit all the way back. And you're sure I won't hurt you?"
"You won't hurt me baby, come on. Let me feel all of your weight on my face. Now."
She won't tell him because she knows it would make his head balloon, but she feels a flutter between her legs whenever he's a little bossy. It would piss her off in any other circumstance than naked in bed, but she knows by now that he tells her what to do only to make her experience better.
She does as he says and sits all the way back, legs kneeling on the bed to straddle his mouth.
"Yes, good," he grumbles into her, "sit straight up." His words are garbled, but she gets the idea as his hands come up to push her body back towards the headboard. She takes a trembling breath as she tries to get comfortable with the position. It's new to her, somewhat embarrassingly, and she appreciates him not mentioning that even though it's obvious. She feels his tongue glide between her lips, causing her to quiver slightly. He maneuvers his hands back under her legs so he can get a handle on her ass. He grips her and rubs his face against her, hot tongue sticking out and making delicious contact between her lips. She groans and brings her hands to hold her breasts. He starts a rocking movement with his hands. It makes her gasp and feel unsteady; she starts to lean forward again.
"Baby," he mumbles against her; she lifts up a little to hear him, "grab the headboard behind you."
"Oh," she exhales, "okay" and stretches her arms back until her hands grip the top of the headboard. Finally, she feels some stability, and her body relaxes back onto his face.
"Yes," he moans against her, "now ride my face."
"What?"
He pulls his head slightly from her, "I said," he grunts and gives her ass a small slap, "Ride my face. I'll help you."
His hands move to her hips and pushes them in a rocking movement again, but this time she has the steadiness to move her hips with him. His lips and mouth suck at her from top to bottom of her vulva; she moans and curses at the feeling. She imagines what they look like right now; his mouth buried between her legs, with her ass sitting on his face, riding his head like it's a mechanical bull. The image makes her groan louder. He spends some time with this movement, licking at all of her most sensitive spots and enjoying the multitude of words, breaths and noises coming from above him. When he can tell her bud is swollen and pulsating, he stills her hips and sets his focus there. He places his lips gently around it and flicks his tongue in hard strokes. Her breath catches and he can feel her whole body shudder from the intensity of it on his face; it makes him moan into her.
"Oh fuck, yes. Do that." Rory squeaks out above him. His lips quirk into a smirk against her.
"You like this? I'll hum you a song." He mumbles into her, and she groans again, pushing herself down onto his mouth more. Knowing how eager she is, he teases her a little first. Starting and stopping his vibrations against her every few seconds.
"Jeeesssss," she whines, grinding against his face, searching for what she needs.
"Mmm," he hums into her, and this time he doesn't stop until she's almost there. When her body feels tightly strung, he stops humming and sucks in a steady rhythm. She releases a high pitched moan and looks down to try and get any glimpse of what he's doing to her. She sees his chin, dripping with her wetness. And the bottom lip she adores pressed up against her swollen mound. She catches his delicious tongue peak out momentarily, possibly opening his mouth to catch his breath before he goes back in. Her clit is tingling and throbbing against his tongue, he lifts one of his arms up and finds her breast, pinching at her perky nipple.
"Ugh, I'm gonna come Jess, oh my god." She groans, but it occurs to her that she is going to lose control of her movements, "Should I get off?" She asks between quick breaths.
"Nuh uh!" He protests against her, and the thrumming of his mouth and vocal cords makes her quiver and fall apart on his face. She holds on tight to the headboard as her body spasms against him. He has both hands gripping her hips, holding her in place on his mouth so she doesn't move away or feel unstable. He takes gentle nips and licks with his tongue as she comes down. The feeling is too much, and she finally releases her hands from the headboard and leans forward again, hands on Jess's thighs. He keeps his tongue between her lips, still trying to play with her. She yelps and tries to crawl away as he licks an extra sensitive spot.
"Aw, don't run away. I was gonna try and do it again," he complains, grabbing at her hips to pull her back.
"Already?! Do you want me to black out? Or you for that matter?"
"It's so cute that you think I would rather breathe than make you come over and over again."
"Incorrigible!" She grunts, face bright red as she pulls her hips away from him to take a seat facing him on the bed.
"Damn your dirty talk is intellectual. That's hot." He gives her a wicked smirk. She's about to protest when she notices his face is shiny; she matches his smug look, and it throws him off.
"What?"
"Your face is all wet," she giggles. His smirk is back and he brings a hand to his face to feel.
"All you baby. Come taste it," he challenges her, and the smirk drops from her face at the desire in his voice. She leans forward to kiss him, and as she does he pushes her back onto the bed and gets on top of her. She notices he's already hard from pleasing her, and it makes her ache for him. He gives her a scorching kiss and runs a hand up and down her body. Her hands go around his back and scratch gently. She pulls away and whispers, "condoms are in my bag. Inside pocket." He kisses her softly before standing up to get one. He's only in his underwear and she smiles at the bulge waiting to greet her. He comes back towards the bed and stands next to it as he sheds his boxer briefs. His manhood pops out to greet her and she can't help but wrap a hand around it.
"God. You're so hard, Jess. This is just from what you did to me?"
Her words make him twitch in her grip. She looks up to see his eyes have darkened and his face shows a hunger for her.
"Yes. That's what happens when you let me have my way with you."
She bites her lip and feels bold; she takes her hand from him and rubs it between her legs, wetting it with herself. She brings her hand back to him and starts stroking.
"Jesus Rory. Maybe you are going to kill me today," his voice comes out gravelly, almost pained. But the look on his face suggests he wouldn't mind; he really would die happily.
"Don't die on me. You can take it, you're strong." She winks at him and bites her lip, increasing the pace of her strokes. A mix between a groan and growl emanates deep from within him at her words and the pleasure she's giving him. He moves a hand between her legs to check if she's ready for him, pushing two fingers in and out gently. He smirks and she blushes as the loud sound of her wetness echoes in the room. He pulls himself out of her hand to put on protection, while simultaneously leaning down to briefly kiss the lips between her legs, "Can I get in here now, baby?"
She smirks and nods. She moves to get on her hands and knees on the bed, realizing it would be a new position for them. But he pushes her onto her back instead and crawls on top of her.
"I like where your head is at," he whispers with a kiss on her ear, "but I want to see your pretty face."
He pulls his head back to look at her, "I didn't get to see it while you were coming on me. Show me what it looked like," he demands as he enters her, meeting his hips with hers. She groans and pulls her legs up to hook around his back.
"Yes," he hisses, and then starts thrusting rhythmically into her, watching every pleasurable twitch of her features as he goes faster. She squeezes her legs tighter around him, trying to get more of him on and inside of her.
"What do you need Rory? Deeper? Harder?" he groans, leaning in closer to her.
"Both," she gasps out.
"As you wish. Hold on tight."
She moves her hands from his hair to grab onto his arms. He grunts and does just as she asked. He gives her hard, rough thrusts, pushing into her as much as she will allow him to. Her body slaps hard against his right where she needs it, and Jess starts to feel her clenching around him. On his next thrust, he pushes deep until his body is flush against her clit; he stays inside of her and moves his hips in circles against her until she reaches another orgasm, shaking against him and gripping his dick with her walls.
He moans at the tight feeling.
"Ror, I'm almost there," he rasps, "I need a couple more hard thrusts. Can you take it? I don't want to hurt you."
She is still coming down from her climax and can only manage a small nod.
"You sure? You're really tight right now baby, I can feel your lips swelling around me."
She nods again.
"Please say it Rory. I really don't want to hurt you."
"Yes," she replies breathlessly, "I can take it."
He leans down and says into her mouth, "You're the best girl."
He kisses her as he plunges hard into her again, she yelps into his mouth, but lifts her hips slightly so he knows he can do it again.
"The fuckings best," he moans against her lips, and it takes him just two more thrusts into her slippery tightness until he's finishing and calling her name against her neck. She tightens her legs around him even more so he can feel surrounded by her. She soothes her hands up and down his arms, waiting patiently for him to regain his awareness. With a deep breath, he pushes up from her body, smiling down blissfully at her.
"It's always so…electrifying," Rory says calmly, smiling back up at him.
He pulls out of her and carefully cleans up before lying next to her. He pulls her into his arms, so they are face to face.
"You don't sound scared of that anymore," he realizes, tucking her messy stray hairs away from her face.
She smiles wider, "You're right. It was silly of me to be scared of something that's so good in the first place."
He presses his lips against hers before saying, "Not silly. Cautious. You wouldn't be you if you didn't think things through."