Asa has never been much of a hero.
Throughout her childhood, the development of a selflessness for herself and others became an urge she could not forfeit of, often putting others or her own in danger for the sake of wanting to do something good or helping someone out, sometimes even just to feel included. But she always managed to fail or mess up last minute, the taste of guilt and shame right after haunted her.
Eventually she decided she should save it and stand within the lines like everyone else, to stop standing out and be normal.
That's what she told herself to avoid embarrassing herself again, or rather avoid killing something or someone in the process.
Asa raised her gaze from the cash register to the dim squeaky lights that hung from the ceiling. You could say her workplace was mediocre, but at least she didn't have to deal with many people throughout the day or coworkers that did things wrong, she could study while the shop was slow and make a little extra money.
Only one more hour of her shift and she could finally leave and get to the little apartment she called a home, just to spend a short weekend doing nothing and then repeat the same boring routine the next week. Wait… she had plans for tomorrow, Saturday, the date with Denji… yeah.
The memory of the extroverted yet unreadable boy's likable smile and his praising flashed behind her eyelids, making her feel an unfamiliar warmth that vanished quickly, she could almost feel grief for that.
They had shared something she wasn't sure what to label as back at the Aquarium just a couple days ago. She could've sworn he would've rid of her after such a terrible date, he might have not known, but she was the reason they'd ran into a devil in the first place so the inevitable guilt only made her feel worse. But no, he had cooked her starfish and kept her company even while she kept putting herself down, anyone else would've gotten sick of her pessimistic rambling… but he validated her, and praised her?
Stop it, he doesn't like you like that. You're only doing it so Yoru can leave you be as soon as possible, and you could go back to-… to being normal.
Normal. That felt wrong to think with how much everything changed, she hadn't even had time to think about what anything was anymore.
Asa awkwardly wiped her face with the sleeves of her old raggedy shirt, readjusting her working apron and fixing her posture. It didn't take too long for another customer to request her assistance with a product, and she kept going on about her shift, for slow as it was.
She spent her last minutes mingling around the store before closing, making sure stuff was in place, keeping herself distracted from her mind.
She looked around the register cubicle for the closing keys, opening drawers and tapping with her hands inside, finally finding them, she picked them up and grabbed her schoolbag from the wall hanger, swinging it over her back swiftly to just rush out.
As she was locking the doors, she struggled to fit the key in the keyhole, accidentally dropping the keys on the dirty cement. Shit! She whispered, kneeling down to pick them up, she uneasily looked around into the barely lit streets. Being the only closing worker was just within her luck. Sure, having a devil posses her was cool because her body was guaranteed to "turn out fine" if she ever got threatened and harmed but being a girl alone at night felt like being a deer in the headlights. Standing up neatly she finished locking the door so she began walking along the sidewalk.
Devil… Yoru was nowhere to be found, at least not in her consciousness, it was kind of nice being able to think without being constantly judged, but she was starting to feel like she was thinking too much, now she kind of missed Yoru's arrogant rambling.
What are you thinking Asa?
For a moment she felt disgusted with herself, sympathizing with devils even after her family got killed by them.
Asa skimmed her environment, flickering street lights and few cars passing by from time to time, the loneliness was nice when there weren't drunk men yelling about. Luckily her apartment wasn't too far from her workplace, but she prioritized not getting too lost in her thoughts even during a short walk.
Not long after stepping in silence she arrived at her shitty apartment building's glass and iron bar entrance, letting herself in with a push she realized how cold the outside sensation of the temperature was, maybe she should bring her coat with her next time but she had always been tolerant to cold anyway.
She lazily climbed the stairs with one hand holding on to her schoolbag's shoulder strap. She reached her apartment door and unlocked it while yawning. Helping herself in, she shut the door behind herself and placed her schoolbag by the wooden floor, toeing off her shoes.
The streetlights were the only thing illuminating the room through the window, making it seem more desolate than she convinced herself it was. With a remarkable lack of enthusiasm she fixed her things while choosing some random pijamas to go into the bathroom and change comfortably. Gazing at herself in the mirror she considered taking a shower, but she could barely keep her legs from collapsing out of exhaustion, she'd even prefer not to eat to just lay down.
As promised, she effortlessly flopped onto her western style bed, she hated it, but it came with the apartment she rented and she certainly had no money or time whatsoever to sell it or buy a futon. She turned her face from the mattress to the side, squishing her cheek slightly and stared into the wall, she felt rushing blood rise up from her fluttering chest to her cheeks.
I don't even like him that much…
Flashbacks of a smiling Denji talking about his little sister he was saving up for, about him having a crappy life before and his compliments flooded her mind, it was sickeningly sweet.
Wait… I do. Fuck.
Asa winced in annoyance.
The sable haired girl stood by the edge of the busy sidewalk with a strained position, it'd been a while since she'd been waiting. Her morning had gone by fast, doing some chores and truly nothing new.
He… stood me up? Am I really that boring? No way! He said I'm interesting, and he was the one who asked me on a second date!
Baffled, Asa snarled in her thoughts, furiously fixing her dressing getting ready to just walk away and leave, but she suddenly startled at the feeling of a heavy hand laying on her shoulder from beside, letting out a gasp, she pivoted her head towards the figure. It was him. Unimpressed, she dropped her expression back into a relaxed one.
"Yo." He simply said.
"I thought you weren't coming." Asa spoke nonchalantly trying to hide the disappointment in her tone, eyeing him up while taking a step back.
"No, got held up with sum stuff…" Asa raised a brow at his response, but she let it slide…
Yoru was still nowhere to be found though, since the aquarium and the encounter with Famine, she'd been off and away with no explanation when she came back. She felt some kind of relief at that.
"Anyways, here's my super-best-date-ever plan. The local movie theater is running an all-night movie marathon tonight." He began with enthusiasm, the expression on his face didn't change from smug though, weirdly enough.
"We'll watch mummy movies nonstop until 2 A.M. for only 2,000 yen! Awesome right?! Let's do it!!" He exclaimed flashily.
"It costs 2,000 yen?" Asa questioned, now more visibly bored.
"Hwuh? But you can watch as many mummy movies as you want." He pointed out confused.
"Wouldn't video rentals be cheaper? I don't want to go on any pricey dates." She objectively said, she was honest about her opinion, why spend 2,000 yen when they could optimally spend less.
"I mean… sure, that works too. You got a vcr at home?" Denji queried, frowning slightly.
"No, what about you?"
"I do…"
"Then let's do it at your place, it's cheaper that way." She suggested, ignoring the flaring embarrassment blooming up her chest and throat after hearing how subtly perverted that sounded.
"Huh?! Y'want to come over?!" Denji blurted, cheeks rosed by whatever interpretation he was thinking of.
"Is that no good? We don't have to have a date then." She defensively scoffed, pushing away the awkwardness with aggression in her language.
"No way!!" Denji demanded, grunting and struggling to think of an alternative almost physically.
"Okay… we can watch movies at my place. Under one condition!" He growled, hinting at Asa that he needed her full attention, she tilted her head inviting him to continue.
"You have to follow our homes rules!" He insisted.
Asa agreed with a doubtful nod, what was so important about house rules? Not that she'd come into his home and destroy the place, what was he taking her for?
"Rules you can't break no matter what!!"
"…What happens if you break them?" She questioned, now more confused than before.
"Worst case scenario you break the rules… and you die." Denji replied uncomfortably.
—
The walk to Denji's place after that was unsurprisingly silent, though she felt like talking to him, her pride got the best of her and she ended up shutting her feelings away in anger, twisting her face while looking away from him.
The two straddled along the urban sidewalk until they reached a smaller pretty basic apartment block building, no fancy elevators or entrances, much like a motel but residential. Denji guided her upstairs, stopping by a simple not dirty yet not a brand new wooden door.
"Okay… unbreakable rule number one, don't open the door to any apartment other than mine." He began, sounding more serious than before. Asa bared her teeth with a puzzled face, lip syncing a 'what?' without speaking.
Denji pushed himself through the door after unlocking it, giving her space to walk in and offering to take her schoolbag, to which she uneasily cooperated.
Nice gesture. Whatever.
"Unbreakable rule number two… don't open the fridge." He mumbled.
"What? It's uneducated to open somebody's fridge, I wouldn't do that." Asa replied, "Oh…okay." He mumbled again.
Denji removed a small chabudai from blocking the space they'd sit at to watch the tv, it looked home-y and welcoming, Asa could even think of calling it sweet. He crouched down and sat close to the tv, raising his head towards her with a kind of bored look, he patted the place next to his left, inviting her to sit.
Asa kneeled down and sat next to him, placing some distance between herself and him, she pulled her legs to herself and hugged her knees, not striking eye contact at all.
This time, Denji took a deep breath. "Unbreakable rule number three, this is the most important one. My little sister is out walking the dogs, she's a huge problem child with an extreme personality. she'll be home soon… whatever you do, don't make out with me in front of her." He spoke with difficulty.
Asa could feel her blood boil inside her pumping arteries, her face twisted in disbelief, wether it was embarrassment or anger, she couldn't tell or care. "Excuse me?? W-what would make you think I would want to make out with you!!? That is not why I came over!" Asa hissed, now evidently blushing, angrily.
"Huh? I mean you asked me on a date, I thought you 90% liked me!" He defensively exclaimed. "I don't like you! On the contrary I hate you!" She grumped. "Say what?? You hate me!?" If he was confused about her feelings towards him before, he was now lost.
"Yeah, besides…" she paused awkwardly, calming her tone. "You have rules you have to obey or you die, no? Well, so do I." Her tone became slightly somber, like she was uncomfortable at the thought of it. "Y-you should just stay away from me Denji… or you'll wind up dead." Asa muttered. "I just wanted a distraction… I'll leave after the movie."
Huh? Don't you usually ask people on dates because you like them? Did I do or say something wrong? Why would she hate me? Was it the starfish?… Someone once told me I smell like wet dog, maybe they meant that I stink. Maybe she hates me cause I stink.
Denji awkwardly shifted over his pose, stretching his upper body forward to click the tape into the vcr, they'd picked up a random new movie on their way to his place, so there wasn't much to expect. While recoiling back and placing his hand by his side to support himself from falling he accidentally brushed his elbow to her arm, she was cold.
He was warm, Asa didn't shift or move away, she was praying he hadn't realized or noticed, but it was more realistic that both of them were thinking about that sudden and small contact. She could've sworn she heard Denji whisper sorry, but the seconds went by and it was too late to reply anything without making it weird.
The pictures playing in the screen were really not that entertaining, maybe they'd picked out a bad movie, this made Denji feel kind of bad, he didn't want their second date, maybe even last date to be so, boring and tense, they were doing what she wanted to do which was perfectly fine by him but… it didn't feel totally right.
He was beginning to get too lost in his thoughts, but his fading hope suddenly sparked at the sound of a snicker coming from Asa, he discretely looked to his side, to her, and something about her laughing at a movie so bad made his heart warm.
She was laughing because the movie was indeed bad, she quickly regretted it, it felt weird to be easy after how she had snapped at him, so her smile slowly faded away. But she heard him chuckle too, blurring the buzzing in her head, that made the corner of her mouth twist a little into an upside down smile.
Even after all that I said, he still smiles and laughs without a care in the world…
Asa shamefully thought, gaze lowering from the saturated light of the screen to the tips of her school stockings. She hid her nose in her arms and began looking around, realizing some things about his place she hadn't payed attention to before, but as she did that her eyes met his, locking looks.
Strangely she didn't want to look away, and seemingly he didn't either, she could feel warmth growing in her face and her barely noticiable heartbeat increase… she hoped the darkness of the tv lit room could hide that.
Denji didn't want to look stupid or like he was staring, but, the scenery of her eyes like that… he was sure he felt his heart hammer.
The sound of a shifting doorknob startled him out of the soft trance he was in, he turned his face towards the entrance, and winced as the golden sunset light blinded him, he raised a hand to try and cover the light from his eyes. Asa did much the same, but she looked more confused, until he could assume she pieced it together, and she relaxed again, kind of awkwardly.
Multiple dogs rushed in while barking, tapping claws on tatami and wagging tails invaded the once intimate and dark room.
"Denji! Cook me something now! I'm hungry!" A much younger voice, much like the one of a spoiled child interrupted, his little sister… Asa blinked.
Denji sighed, "M'sorry…" He whispered, slowly getting up. Nayuta's ringed gaze was quickly drawn to the crouched girl with black hair, she narrowed her eyes. Asa felt a sour familiarity, similar to the one she felt when she first met Famine. But this time Yoru wasn't anywhere to warn her or explain nothing, if she even had questions in the first place.
The blonde boy was already making noise from the kitchen, he dialed some numbers on the microwave and set it up to cook something, but his walking towards them and dialogue cut off the tension of the moment. "Nayuta this is Asa, my… friend. Asa this is Nayuta." Asa motioned her hand in a 'hello' gesture, but her expression wasn't pleasant. Nayuta narrowed her eyes even more. "Nuh uh, she's not your friend, I don't like her!" She exclaimed, pointing a finger at her.
"Nayuta those are bad manners!" The boy yapped, redirecting her attention back to him. "Here uh… your food is ready." He quickly walked to the microwave and opened it, grabbing the plate of instant yakimeshi rice even if it was hot, and placing it on the chabudai that was now placed far against the wall. Her judgmental look was long gone as she ran towards the food with an excited giggle, and began eating like Asa wasn't even in the room anymore.
Denji awkwardly walked away from the chabudai in reverse steps, he looked at the little girl with an uncomfortable pout. His head turned back to Asa, who had now stood up and was fixing her skirt, he could tell by everything that they weren't going to finish watching the movie.
"I think I should leave…" She began, not even looking at him as he spoke. Silence filled the room in exception of the clanking of chopsticks on a ceramic bowl and the panting of dogs. Asa wanted to speak to him more, but nothing came out.
"C-can we talk outside? Just for a bit?" He shyly requested, nudging towards the eating braided girl. "Sure." Asa affirmed. The two put their shoes back on, not making any noise really, just taking each others company. He stretched up and opened the door for her, taking short steps to not bump into her or anything. Asa grabbed her schoolbag from the wall hanger and walked outside.
Denji closed the door behind himself, hesitantly stepping next to her, placing his elbows on the safety railing of the balcony hallway. "Sorry about Nayuta…" He said apologetically.
"She's right. I'm not your friend." Asa murmured. "You don't even know me Denji." Her defensive attitude could be perceived as mean, but he knew there was something else to it. "No… but I'd like to." He incited amiably. She didn't know how to respond to that, so she didn't.
"Your parents waiting for ya?" Denji asked in a desperate attempt for her to stay just a couple more minutes, not looking at her while he spoke either. "I don't have anyone to wait for me." She blankly replied, lowering her voice. "…Sorry." He mumbled with strain. She didn't say anything, taking the pity for a couple minutes.
"They're dead because of me." Asa confided, eyes finally lowering after she'd been staring at the sunset in rejection. "Everyone that's ever gotten close to me ends up dead." Pictures of blurred people she thought she new flashed in her mind, like Yuko.
"I know what that's like." Asa's surprised expression sold her out, she wasn't expecting that, but Denji didn't seem to care or want to shame her for that or her failed attempt to hide her emotions, his face looked solemn, he wasn't even looking at her.
"N' then feeling shitty because you're the only one who ever survives…" he mumbled, slowly turning to look at her, meeting her eyes. "…yeah." For a moment Asa felt closure, but then she felt like the worst person alive, like a fuckin hypocrite. —You're not the only one who suffers in this world Asa Mitaka— those words echoed in her empty mind.
Denji saw her smile for a bit… but her smile faded away, it was such a bittersweet memory he wouldn't ever forget… her smile was beautiful, but it wasn't like the smiles in magazines or tv, he knew he wouldn't ever see her smile without the retaliation of her inner sadness, that was Asa, that'd always been Asa since they met, but he wanted to see her smile more.
The two stared at the hiding sunlight painted with engulfing darkness, they knew this wouldn't last, no matter how many times they'd say something short or stay still and refused to walk away from each other.
Eventually she decided she had to go, Denji offered to walk her home but Nayuta insisted she needed something from him, so she'd rushed and left, arriving home in what felt like just a couple seconds, it all happened too fast… or maybe her mind was just slow.
But she was now back at her place and rinsing under steamy water in her crappy shower.
She closed her eyes in exhaustion and raised her head pointing at the ceiling, letting the water brush the grime off of her greasy hair, erasing the smell of dog she'd caught on herself while at Denji's, and taking away the momentary closure with it.