"Beautiful hair. Such clear, brilliant shade of pink. Is it natural?"
Sakura is five the first time she is taken to the Matchmaker. This isn't as strange as one might think: the Haruno have become a highly successful merchant clan and it only makes sense for them to cooperate with some of the best matchmakers in the country to assure the best matches for their young. Consulting the Matchmaker early on will help give Sakura the best possible chances for an auspicious match later.
"Of course. She gets it from her father, though his hair was never as vibrant as hers."
"Good. Brightly coloured hair has become a trend amongst the nobility, and pink is especially sought after in wives. If we play our cards right we might catch you a noble someday, girl."
The Matchmaker continues to circle Sakura's small form, critical eyes assessing every part of her. She's grateful to have been dressed for the occasion in her best kimono, the vibrant shades and soft silk making her feel less like the ugly duckling she usually is. The praise makes her straighten a little further, a proud little smile on her lips as she shoots her mother and aunt a happy look.
"Delicate build, fair complexion, gorgeous green eyes," the Matchmaker continues, coming to a halt before Sakura again. "Yes, there's plenty of potential in you, child."
The Matchmaker is an imposing person, steel-grey hair collected in a strict bun, darkly calculating eyes and numerous thick, richly coloured layers of silk in her kimono. All in all, the Matchmaker might just be the most terrifying person Sakura has ever met. Her praise carries a corresponding weight of importance.
"Grandmother has great hopes for her," Sakura's aunt Kasumi, her father's sister, states, smiling proudly. She gives Sakura a pleased look, her blue eyes shining brightly. Like Sakura she's dressed in a red kimono, though aunt Kasumi has a natural grace and elegance to her that Sakura can only dream of. And of course, her kimono perfectly matches her red hair.
"We all do," her mother, Mebuki, adds. For reasons Sakura can't fathom, there's a sharp edge to her words and her eyes, identical to Sakura's own, have something hard in them. Unlike Sakura and aunt Kasumi, Mebuki is dressed in a simple, white qipao dress, her shoulder-length blonde hair combed back but hanging freely. Sakura thinks that what her mother lacks in elegance she takes back in simplistic beauty, and of course her mother has the best hugs and the best bedtime stories in the whole world.
A look is exchanged between her aunt and her mother, a silent conversation Sakura can't follow even as the tension grows between them. Her smile falters slightly. The fights between her aunt and her mother are rare, as usually her mother will fold to whatever her aunt wishes. Sometimes, however, her mother will get that hint of steel in her eyes that will prelude a long argument.
"Like I said, there's great potential in Sakura-chan," the Matchmaker repeats, effectively breaking the tension between the two women and drawing the attention back to herself. "I suggest you let the hair grow, to accentuate its beauty. Find a style that will flatter that too-large forehead." She gestures in the air close to Sakura's face, indicating her forehead.
Sakura's previously proud smile falters.
"Of course," aunt Kasumi replies, bowing her head to the wisdom of the matchmaker.
"And what about her education?" Mebuki asks.
"Get started on it as soon as possible. Looks will only do so much. To be a suitable bride for the nobility she will need to learn to sing and recite poetry. Choose an instrument for her to learn. Teach her to sew and embroider, to carry herself in a manner suitable for her future station."
Sakura feels her eyes grow bigger and she glances towards her mother and aunt. Will she really be able to learn all of those things?
"It will be done," aunt Kasumi replies, bowing again to the matchmaker.
So then there is hope for her to learn all those things. Sakura swallows nervously, looking down in her hands and fiddling with her dress. She has just recently started to learn how to read and write, and while she is happy for the opportunity to learn more, the Matchmaker's expectations seem overwhelmingly high.
"Her father wanted her to enter the Shinobi Academy," her mother says, her voice carrying sharply in the otherwise silent room. "To become a kunoichi, someday, and serve Konoha. And Sakura has expressed to me that it is her wish to follow in her father's footsteps."
Sakura looks up again, her gaze traveling from her mother to her aunt and finally settling on the Matchmaker, who has an ugly expression on her face. Like she has just stepped in something unpleasant.
"Only fools listen to the will of children. Children are to be molded, to do as they're told so that they grow into respectable adults. By their very nature, children don't know what they truly want."
The Matchmaker's voice is hard and Sakura hunches her shoulders instinctively. She shoots her mother a look, grateful for the quiet determination she sees there.
"Then I am a fool, but a fool that has official guardianship over this child." Sakura can't help but gape a little at the pure steel in her mother's voice. The Matchmaker is terrifying, yet here her soft spoken mother is, openly challenging her. "Before my illness and my husband's untimely demise I was a shinobi too, and according to the Hokage's law my right to my own child trump that of a civilian clan."
The room falls into absolute silence, the tension thick enough that Sakura struggles to breathe around it as she slowly looks between her mother and the Matchmaker.
"Her father is dead?" the Matchmaker asks at last, her voice quiet and carefully neutral.
"Yes. He passed away two years ago," aunt Kasumi explains.
"He sacrificed his life to protect an innocent little girl from kidnapping," Mebuki adds. "He died a hero and was posthumously promoted to chunin. I will not shame his memory by throwing away his dream for his only child."
The Matchmaker nods at this, tilting her head slightly as she looks at Sakura and quietly considers this information. Sakura stands frozen in place, feeling much like a deer before the hunter. Even so she forces herself to breathe, to swallow and moisten her mouth enough for her to speak.
"It's true. I want to become a shinobi, like my father."
"Shinobi die," the Matchmaker tells her then. "Life as a shinobi is hard, ugly and beyond all thankless. It will be much easier for you to bring honour to your family through a suitable marriage than as a kunoichi."
"I know," Sakura says, though she truthfully thinks that she has very little idea of what life as a shinobi is actually like. She raises her chin, meeting the older woman's gaze. "I want to become a kunoichi."
Her mother gives her an encouraging smile and Sakura forms her hands into fists, trying to stop them from trembling. The Matchmaker's eyes linger for a few moments more on Sakura before moving on to Mebuki and finally landing on aunt Kasumi.
"Well, she's still young. I suppose there's no harm in preparing her for both paths. That way, Sakura will someday be able to choose for herself whether she wants to become a shinobi or a lady. How does that sound?"
Like the Matchmaker Sakura watches her aunt and mother carefully, knowing that it is her future that hangs in the balance. She isn't sure that the Matchmaker's suggestion is much of an improvement, seeing as she will have to learn even more things this way, but at least she'll be allowed to enter the Shinobi Academy this way.
"That would be acceptable," aunt Kasumi finally agrees. "For now, at least."
"As long as the choice is truly Sakura's, and not forced upon her by others," her mother says pointedly, eyes narrowed in warning.
"Then it is decided. Haruno Sakura will enter the Shinobi Academy, like her father and mother want her to, and she will learn to become a lady."
There are about two handfuls of children like her in her class; children who the majority of her classmates and teachers refer to as civilians or civilian-born. This is different from the rest of her classmates, who are either clan-born or shinobi-born, depending on whether they are from one of the major shinobi clans or merely from parents that are shinobi but not related to any of the major clans. From the tone of voice that her classmates and teachers use, Sakura deduces that there is a hierarchy. The top consists of the major shinobi clans, of which several even have clan heirs in her class: the Yamanaka, the Nara, the Aburame, the Hyuuga and so on. On the other end of the hierarchy are Sakura and the civilians.
"My parents are shinobi too!" Sakura objects when she learns of this difference. The prospects of us and the others infuriates her, especially as she's considered one of the outsiders.
"No they're not. Your mom's retired and your dad was a genin!" a tactless boy named Kiba replies. "That's like, the lowest rank."
"The point is that you start out as a genin and then work your way up, become chunin and then jounin," the Yamanaka heiress, Ino, who's been kind to Sakura, gently explains. "No real shinobi remains a genin."
"Besides, you live in the civilian district, so that makes you a civilian," another boy named Shikamaru chimes in, his logic unfailingly sharp for a five year old.
So Sakura is a civilian, despite her intentions to become a shinobi. She doesn't mind too much, because she soon learns that she's smarter than most of the other children anyway. Who cares if she's civilian or shinobi-born, as long as she gets the best grades?
Worse then is the realisation that there is yet another us and them, which Sakura learns about soon thereafter.
"You're an immigrant," one of her fellow civilian girls tells her, with a tone as if she has just pointed out that Sakura stinks.
"I'm not!" Sakura objects, hotly and with her hands fisted tighty. "The Haruno clan are merchants!"
"But they came here as immigrants!" the same girl replies. "My dad says you can't trust them, because who knows where their loyalties lie?"
"Exactly! If they were truly refugees, why are they traveling all over the world?" another girl chimes in. "It should be safer for them to settle down in one place."
"People like you are a burden to the rest of us, who've lived in Konoha for generations!"
She cries then, which makes them laugh, and she cries later alone in her room as she stands before the mirror and watches her strange, unnatural hair colour and her strange, foreign eyes and her strange, too-large forehead. All of it marks her as a foreigner and there's nothing she can do to hide any of it.
She's not a shinobi and she's not a civilian, so what is she?
Thankfully, aunt Kasumi knows exactly what to say to comfort and distract Sakura. She's started Sakura's education towards becoming a lady and Sakura is now being taught alongside her cousin, aunt Kasumi's eldest daughter Kiku. Kiku is two years older than Sakura and probably the second most elegant and graceful person Sakura knows. Right after aunt Kasumi herself, which Sakura supposes makes sense.
"They're jealous," aunt Kasumi assures her. "They see your beautiful hair and eyes and they know they'll never have the same opportunities you will."
"But they're so much better at everything than I am," Sakura says, thinking of how the shinobi-born children already seem to know so much about shinobi-life.
"They might be better at some things. But the curse of the great shinobi clans is that they're only really good at one thing; being shinobi." Aunt Kasumi gives her a pointed look, handing her a piece of fabric and a needle before she starts to sort through a basket of various different threads. "They've guarded their secrets for generations and cultivated jutsus and kekkei genkai, but in the end all they're good at is fighting. You, on the other hand, are smart enough to learn all of their secrets yet you have the opportunity to climb much higher than any of their children ever will."
"As daughters of the Haruno-clan, we can marry into power," cousin Kiku adds, leaning forward excitedly. "Who knows, one of us might even marry the future daimyo!" She squeals at the thought before returning her attention to her embroidery, a very detailed and delicate-looking chrysanthemum.
"Shinobi solve their problems by fighting," aunt Kasumi surmises. "A lady is much smarter than that, and that is why they envy you."
Sakura accepts the thread her aunt hands her and then focuses on trying to follow the directions for how to make her stitches. She isn't quite convinced that aunt Kasumi is right, but then aunt Kasumi is an adult and adults usually know what they're talking about, so Sakura probably shouldn't object.
Sakura's life starts to fall into a routine; she spends her days at the Academy, mostly alone and trying to learn everything she needs to know in order to become a shinobi. When the Academy lets out in the afternoon she hurries home and continues her lessons to become a lady. Mostly aunt Kasumi teaches her, but sometimes another aunt or cousin will step in whenever aunt Kasumi can't. She learns calligraphy and etiquette, she studies poetry and starts to learn a few songs. While she doesn't have Kiku's natural skill with embroidery or aunt Kasumi's natural elegance, Sakura takes eagerly to all the knowledge that is being handed to her.
At the Academy she tries to make friends with the few children who are outsiders like her: there's a girl named Aimi and twin boys named Daichi and Michi. The girl is lucky enough to have a natural hair colour (that is, something that isn't pink, or green, or red, or blue or any other shade so common in the district where Sakura lives but so uncommon in the rest of Konoha) and is therefore able to more easily fit in among the other civilian-born children. Sakura tries not to envy her too much, especially when Aimi announces that she will no longer be walking to school with Sakura, even though they live on the same street.
Daichi and Michi both have bright, purple hair and are thus completely unable to melt into the background of the classroom. Like pink, purple isn't really a hair color that's native to Konoha. Sakura sees them sitting alone at recess but hesitates to approach them, mostly because they're boys but also because they somehow always seem so content with only each other for company. Even so she eventually approaches them, intent on introducing herself properly and asking them to be her friends.
She isn't even allowed to finish her introduction before one of them scoffs at her and storms off. The other one shrugs, looking mildly apologetic.
"Sorry," he says. "We're quitting. Turns out we're not cut out to be shinobi after all."
They don't return to the Academy the next day.
Sakura considers doing the same. She enjoys the academic side of the Academy, but a large part of her education is also physical and that is her weak point. She doesn't like running, or doing push ups or pull ups, or getting sweaty and dirty. And she's horrible at sparring, losing every match she's set.
Sakura has almost made up her mind when Ino happens.
Yamanaka Ino has been kind to Sakura from the start, because she's just that kind of person. Ino is friendly with everyone, one of the most popular girls in their class if not the most popular girl. On top of that she's also the heiress to one of the major shinobi clans. She's cute and strong and fashionable. In other words, everything that Sakura isn't.
Aunt Kasumi's warnings about the jealousy of shinobi rings in her ears but Ino is at least as elegant as cousin Kiku, except she manages to pull off the same elegance while she's sweaty from training or sparring against an opponent.
"I've made a friend," Sakura tells her mother one evening, as she sits by her mother's bedside. Her mother has been getting worse lately, sometimes spending days at a time bedbound, but Sakura tries to always take the time to sit with her for a while. "She's kind, and beautiful, and elegant as a lady but also super strong. Today when we were sparring she beat one of the boys."
"That's great, Sakura. I'm happy you've made a friend. Friends are precious assets in life, so hold tightly onto them."
When Sakura is eight she is once again brought to the Matchmaker. The news of the massacre of the entire Uchiha clan, save for Sasuke-kun, weighs heavily over the meeting, the entire village even.
"It's too dangerous for Sakura to continue at the Academy," aunt Kasumi says. "One of her classmates got his entire clan massacred. We can't risk something like that happening to us!"
"The Uchiha Massacre happened because one boy snapped," her mother replies. She's pale and her voice breathless but she's there, with the same hint of steel in her eyes that Sakura remembers from their last meeting. "The risk of that happening to the Haruno-clan is next to nothing, especially as the Haruno don't actually have any shinobi!"
Sakura listens with half an ear to their argument, having heard the same thing several times over the last few days. She thinks instead of Sasuke-kun, who is probably the coolest and most awesome boy she knows. Most boys are disgusting and stupid, but he's not. And now he's all alone in the world and she wishes that she knew what to say to him.
She frowns at the thought of having to leave the Academy. She isn't close to Sasuke-kun but if she leaves the Academy she will be forever separated from him. The thought of maybe never seeing him again stings.
Not to mention the sting she feels at the thought of never getting to see Ino again. Ino has become a very large part of Sakura's life: she's the reason that Sakura has continued at the Academy, despite the other children's teasing, and she's the reason that Sakura has improved enough to make the other children mostly stop their teasing. She is still far from the best at sparring but she has improved enough that it is easier to pick on someone else.
"A fair concern," the Matchmaker intervenes when the tone between Sakura's aunt and mother becomes too hot. "Life as a shinobi is hard and full of dangers. Life as a civilian, as a lady, is both safer and easier."
Sakura allows her gaze to wander, listening to the adults' conversation with half an ear. The Matchmaker's reception room is large and full of interesting things. There is a bookshelf, and the walls are draped in colorful fabrics. The floors are covered in thick carpets, and there is a low table with a tea pot and several cups. Behind the matchmaker there is a door, left partially open. Through it Sakura spots a boy: a little bit older than her, with green hair and light skin. He's sitting at a table, brush in hand as he carefully draws something in ink. As Sakura watches, his free hand absentmindedly strays to his nose.
"Unless Sakura asks to be withdrawn from the Academy I refuse to allow it. The deal was that she be given a choice, and a choice she'll get!"
"I can't believe you would rather see Sakura become a shinobi than a lady!"
As if feeling her eyes on him the boy looks up, his eyes meeting hers. His index finger is still buried in his nose. He blinks, and then hastily pulls his finger out of his nose, positively glaring at her, his yellow eyes alight with anger. Sakura glares back, because he's a disgusting boy and was picking his nose just a moment ago, and that's just disgusting!
"What do you say, girl? If you were forced to choose today, would you become a lady or a shinobi?"
Blushing in shame, having been caught in her inattention, Sakura quickly turns back to the Matchmaker, her aunt and her mother. The Matchmaker levels her with a stern, demanding look and Sakura swallows nervously.
"I would want to become a shinobi," Sakura hesitantly replies, thinking of Sasuke-kun and Ino. "I'm at the top of my class. I've made friends. I don't want to leave them."
From the corner of her eye she sees the boy rolling his eyes, making her blush.
"Akihiro, back to your homework!" the Matchmaker snaps.
"What? I didn't do anything!"
The matchmaker levels him with a glare that has Sakura flinching from the coldness of it, glad that she isn't on the receiving end of it. Reluctantly the boy returns his attention to the sheet in front of him, which now has a large ink-blob on it.
"Excuse my grandson. Now, where were we ..?"
"Sakura was saying that she doesn't want to leave the Academy. And as her mother it is only I that can withdraw her."
Sakura forces herself not to take a step back as the Matchmaker gives her a calculating look.
"What if I told you that life as a shinobi will most likely lead you to an early, pointless and painful death, girl? And that if you continue training to become a lady I'll get you a match with a rich and beautiful noble?"
Two extremes laid against one another. Sakura glances at her mother and aunt, knowing that she will have to choose. Is this it then? Is this the moment when her fate is decided?
She doesn't want to leave Ino or Sasuke-kun, but she knows too that not all shinobi grow old. Her own father is an example of that. Does she want to put herself in that kind of danger? Might it actually be better for her to choose to become a lady, to marry a noble and settle down to have kids with him.
A younger her might have wavered, might have given in. But a younger her hadn't befriended Ino, hadn't seen Sasuke-kun. What is a noble she's never met compared to Sasuke-kun? She can't imagine a boy cooler than him.
"I want to become a shinobi," she replies. "Besides, I've already met a boy I like."
Both her mother and aunt Kasumi startle at that. Sakura hasn't told them about Sasuke-kun and the surprise is written clearly on their faces.
"Then I suppose there is nothing to be done about it," the Matchmaker admits. "The best course of action is probably for the girl to continue to receive dual education."
Sakura sighs in relief. They aren't going to try to force her to leave the Academy.
I did it! her inner voice cheers. Nothing will separate me from Ino and Sasuke-kun!
The Haruno clan has a medium-sized compound on the outer borders of one of the civilian districts of Konoha. It is surrounded by high walls but has a large, open gate welcoming people into a small market square. This is the primary place where the Haruno sell their wares in Konoha; they have stalls elsewhere, in other marketplaces in the village, but this is their stronghold. The speciality of the Haruno's is fabric and this is evident in the wares being sold. Vibrantly colourful fabrics are on display everywhere, lifesize dolls display some of the most gorgeous and intricately embroidered clothing that can be found anywhere in the nation and over it all hangs the scent of the herbs used to dye the fabrics.
Sakura, her aunt and her mother slowly make their way towards one of the larger shops, outside of which a number of beautiful kimonos are on display. They don't enter the shop itself; instead they make their way around to the side, where a set of stairs lead to the apartment on top of the store. Sakura worriedly walks behind her mother up the stairs, noticing that Mebuki is panting and trembling.
"Mother?" she says, worry evident in her tone. "Are you alright?"
Her mother doesn't answer, but tries to smile comfortingly and wave away Sakura's concern. The effort is somewhat lost given her unnatural paleness, and completely gone when she collapses just inside the door.
"Mother!"
It isn't a full-on fall, so the thud when she hits the floor is quiet. Sakura rushes forward and takes her mother's hand.
"Sorry," her mother pants. "I'm sorry … to be such a … a burden."
"Hush," aunt Kasumi says, kneeling on Mebuki's other side. "Let us help you to bed, and then you can rest. Sakura-chan, please help me support your mother."
With aunt Kasumi for support on one side and Sakura on the other, Mebuki managest to stand up and stumble the rest of the way to the bedroom she and Sakura share. They help her undress and get into bed, where she promptly falls asleep. Sakura tucks her in gently, a worried frown on her face.
"Don't worry child," aunt Kasumi comforts. "She'll be alright: she always is. She just overexerted herself."
Sakura knows this but it doesn't make it any easier to see her mother this ill. She wishes she knew how to help but quietly resigns herself for at least a few days of worry. With a last, lingering look at her mother she joins aunt Kasumi in the living room.
Cousin Kiku is there, practicing her embroidery. She's working on a dress for herself, the embroidery a simple floral design. Aunt Kasumi picks up one of her own projects, a kimono ordered by one of the ladies at the Daimyo's court. Her embroidery is, compared to Kiku's, a fair deal more complex and intricate.
"How did the meeting with the Matchmaker go?" Kiku asks.
"Sakura is to continue as she has," aunt Kasumi replies. "For now, at least."
"Really?" Kiku looks in surprise between her mother and Sakura. "I thought for sure she would put a stop to it."
"She wanted to. Mebuki is being stubborn again."
Recognising a conversation that won't need her input Sakura picks up her own attempt at embroidery. Like Kiku she's working on a dress for herself. Unlike Kiku she has yet to master the skills necessary for any complex designs, focusing instead on individual flowers. She takes a deep breath, realising that her hands are trembling, and tries to find that inner place of peace necessary. Rationality, sensitivity and spirituality, she reminds herself. These are the pillars of the art of embroidery, alongside the inner calm she needs to focus.
Slowly her heartbeat slows down and she focuses on the stitches, on trying to make them as precise and delicate as possible. The work is complex enough to need all of her attention and gradually the worry and tension in her bleeds out.
Things will be alright. Her mother's disease often has her bedridden for days at a time but she always recovers. Always. Sakura just has to trust that this time will be the same.
"I'm to be betrothed," cousin Kiku confides one evening, a few weeks later.
They are in the bathroom, helping each other clean their hair and comb it out with scented oils. Sakura pauses, comb halfway through Kiku's hair.
"You are?"
Kiku makes an affirmative sound, nodding eagerly. "I overheard mother and father talking about it."
"Do you know who it is?" Sakura asks, slowly resuming the combing.
"They didn't say the name, but apparently he's the heir of another merchant clan. It'll be beneficial for the clan."
"So he's not a prince?" Sakura's tone is lightly teasing, referencing the many times the two have fantasised about their future husbands. Kiku has always wanted a prince, for herself to become a princess someday. Sakura used to want the same, but now she isn't so sure. Sasuke's face flashes before her eyes for a moment.
"No, apparently not. But it'll be good for the clan, right? To form ties with another merchant clan? So that we can complement one another?"
"I suppose so. Too bad he's not a prince though. Though I suppose those are quite rare."
"Yeah, I know. But a noble would have been nice, at least."
Kiku sighs longingly, her gaze growing unfocused in the mirror opposite of them. Sakura quietly continues brushing Kiku's long, beautiful hair, almost as red as fire between her fingers. She thinks of old fantasies of a prince, of her current ones of Sasuke and of her recent falling out with Ino over him. There's an ache in her heart and she doesn't know what to do about it."
"You're lucky, you know?"
"What?" Sakura asks, feeling like she's lost the thread of the conversation.
"You're lucky," Kiku repeats, her eyes meeting Sakura's in the mirror. "With your hair you're bound to attract a noble. You might actually get a prince someday."
"You've got beautiful hair too," Sakura says. "And yours is much softer than mine."
"But pink hair is what the nobles want in a wife. They won't care that you're just from a merchant clan. Meanwhile I'll be marrying another merchant just because I'm stuck with this red hair."
Sakura stares at their reflection for a few moments, mouth agape in surprise, before she tears her gaze away and looks down on her hands. Once again the task of brushing is forgotten in favour of her inner turmoil. She tries to sort through the thoughts rushing through her mind.
"I thought you were excited about the betrothal?" she says at last.
"I am," Kiku says, shrugging. "It's my future, after all. It just sucks that the colour of my hair will limit my chances. It's not fair."
"No, I suppose not."
Sakura finishes with the brushing and they change places. She sits still as Kiku begins to comb through Sakura's own, coarse tresses.
"Is it true that you don't want a noble anymore?" Kiku asks after a few moments of silence.
Surprised, Sakura looks at Kiku in the mirror but Kiku doesn't meet her eyes, for all appearances lost in the task of brushing Sakura's hair.
"Who said that?"
Kiku shrugs and doesn't answer at first. After a few moments of silence she speaks quietly, her voice soft and fragile. "Mother mentioned it to father. Said that they might need to arrange a match for you as well soon."
"What more did they say?"
"Father said he'd bring it up to Grandmother."
"Oh. I see."
She sits quietly, letting Kiku work on her hair while thoughts swirl in her head.
"Is it true though?" Kiku asks. "Have you found someone you like?"
Heat rises on her cheeks and Sakura knows that the truth is obvious on her face. No point in lying.
"Yes," she admits. "There's a boy in my class that I like."
"At the Academy? But he's just a shinobi?"
"He's not just a shinobi," Sakura says, quick to defend Sasuke-kun. "He's cool, and smart and strong and … just the most amazing boy I know."
"But he's a shinobi?"
"He will be, one day. Right now he's a student, like me."
Kiku's hands slow in her hair and Sakura meets Kiku's eyes in the mirror, seeing the confusion written in her cousin's face.
"But you can have anyone you want, Sakura. You might actually be able to get a prince. Why would you want to give that up?"
When the silence stretches out between them, becoming uncomfortably long, Sakura looks away. There's confusion in Kiku's voice, but underneath that there's also a tone of genuine hurt. Because Sakura has an opportunity that no one else in the clan has, thanks to her pink hair, and she isn't sure anymore if she even wants that opportunity.
"I don't know. Maybe it's just a phase and I'll change my mind eventually."
"Maybe," Kiku agrees, though neither of them look convinced. "Father said so too."
The first official meeting between Kiku and her betrothed is a grand occasion. The Tanigawa clan have invited them for a grand feast and it seems no cost has been spared. The dining hall is decked out in decorative flowers and colourful lanterns, the food smells delicious and all of the members of their party are decked out in kimono almost as beautiful as those of the Haruno party. With the Haruno clan being the foremost and most skilled kimono makers in the village this is quite a feat.
"Welcome to this joyous occasion!" the patriarch of the Tanigawa clan greets them. He's in his forties, tall and with dark green hair that reveals his roots from The Old Country.
Aunt Kasumi and her husband bow politely, though not an inch further than necessary, and Sakura and the rest of their party follows suit. They exchange pleasantries and exchange polite small conversation, building up to the grand meeting.
Sakura allows her eyes to wander over the Tanigawa clan members gathered before her. Most of them are adults but there are a few children as well, though none younger than her. The majority of the clan seem to sport hair ranging between light green and a muddled bluish-green, somewhat mirroring the range of red, orange and blue amongst the Haruno.
A head of bright green hair catches her attention. The boy is not much older than her, maybe a head or so taller, and looks somewhat familiar. Sakura tries not to stare as she tries to figure him out but he notices her anyway. Yellow eyes meet hers and he scowls at her, just before the Tanigawa patriarch calls him forward.
"And this is my nephew and heir to the clan, Akihiro."
Sakura's mouth falls open as she suddenly remembers where she has met the boy before. She conceals her surprise by bowing alongside the rest of her company, before aunt Kasumi and her husband formally introduces Kiku to her future husband.
Akihiro is the Matchmaker's grandson! The rude boy from her last visit there!
Sakura isn't sure what to make of that realisation. She dislikes him on principle, just for his sheer rudeness and for picking his nose, but then this is only her second time meeting him. And he's perfectly polite as he greets her cousin, the two indeed looking like a beautiful couple together.
Sakura bites her tongue for the evening, taking care to speak as little as possible and being extra polite whenever she has to. During the dinner she watches her cousin and Akihiro, noticing the awkwardly stilted conversation between them. She pities her cousin then, wondering if he's as rude and disgusting to her as he was at the Matchmaker's.
Sasuke-kun really is the superior boy.
After dinner the adults are mingling and talking and Sakura retreats to a corner of the room, anxious not to be in the way. She studies the women of the room, watching the grace with which they move in their beautiful kimonos and the way they carry themselves. This is only a festive occasion between merchants, nowhere near the grand celebrations of the nobility that will one day become her reality if aunt Kasimi gets her way, but it is the first such celebration for which Sakura has been invited. She quietly wishes to one day be able to carry herself the way these women do.
"You're the girl playing shinobi."
Sakura spins around, surprised by the voice coming from right next to her. Somehow Akihiro has sneaked up on her and is now looking down on her. Sakura is used to having to look up at others but somehow the look in his eyes makes her wish that she was tall enough to actually look him straight in the eyes.
"I don't play shinobi," she corrects him, trying and somewhat failing to keep the sharpness out of her voice. "I'm a student at the Academy, and in another few years I'll actually be a kunoichi."
"And then what? You'll become a hero before retiring, be introduced at the Daimyo's court and ensnare some poor noble?"
Her mind spins, trying to come up with a smart retort and utterly fails at doing so. Instead Sakura flushes angrily, glaring at him.
"What's wrong with that?" she asks, in lieu of a better answer.
"It's a stupid fantasy."
"It's not!"
"It is too!"
"No, it's not!"
Somehow, during this brief exchange, she has balled her hands up into fists and widened her stance in a very un-lady-like manner even without noticing.
"You can't be both a shinobi and a lady," he explains, his voice annoyingly superior.
"Can too!"
"Is that the best you've got to say? I don't think you've got what it takes to be a shinobi or a lady!"
"Well, I …" She mentally fumbles for words, her mind coming up empty.
"That stupid hair of yours really is your only asset, isn't it?"
Sakura is sorely tempted to jump him then and there, in much the same manner Naruto might jump Sasuke in sparring class sometimes. He's bigger than her but between her anger and his pompous airs she could probably take him. Plus, she's a shinobi in training, he's a civilian. She should be able to take him easily!
"Sakura-chan?" a voice interrupts her wonderful fantasy of pummeling Akihiro's face and she looks up into her aunt's calm but cautioning face. "Is everything alright?"
"Yeah, I'm fine," she replies.
""Yes aunt Kasumi, I'm fine thank you"," aunt Kasumi corrects her, voice stern but quiet.
Sakura takes a deep breath and quietly corrects herself, forcing herself not to glare at Akihiro from the corner of her eye even though he is probably enjoying her humiliation immensely.
"We're leaving soon. Say goodbye to your friend."
Under aunt Kasumi's gaze Sakura forces herself to say a polite, if short, goodbye to Akihiro. His reply is equally short and polite, but his eyes burn with condescendence.
Fuck Akihiro, she thinks fiercly as they leave.
The thought burns in the back of her mind long afterwards, ricocheting between the walls of her mind.
"You're getting fat," aunt Kasumi says one evening when Sakura is ten.
Sakura pauses, fingers hovering above the strings of the koto but not playing, as she takes in the quiet words.
"Fat?" she repeats, wondering if she has heard correctly.
No! she wails internally. I'm a civilian and a foreigner with a too big forehead, I can't be fat on top of that!
"Yes. I've been wanting to bring it up for a while now but hesitated, because I really didn't want to hurt your self esteem. I hoped it might be a phase, but now I'm afraid that if this goes on much longer you'll be too big for any boy to want you soon."
Sakura sits back on her heels and looks down on herself. She doesn't think she looks different from what she has always done. Taller and a bit more muscular, yes, but those are perfectly natural things, are they not?
"Look here," her aunt continues, gently pinching a part of Sakura's arm between her fingers. "And here!" She moves on to pinching a part of Sakura's stomach.
It isn't terribly much but now that her aunt has pointed it out Sakura is horrified. Slowly she brings her own hand up to pinch where her aunt pinched, finding that there is indeed a fold of skin and fat there underneath her clothing.
"Is it that bad?" she asks, voice trembling with fear of the answer.
"Not yet it's not, but I don't think it's wise to let this continue. You can't be a lady or a shinobi if you become too big, can you?"
Sakura has a horrible moment in which she imagines herself as a female Choji, or even worse. The thought makes her shudder.
"No, I can't. Please, aunt, what can I do to stop this?"
"I think we'd better put you on a diet. I have been noticing that you eat a fair bit more than Kiku, even though she is two years older than you."
Reluctantly Sakura agrees. Growing shinobi need to eat, the teachers at the Academy tell them, but then hardly any of her classmates are getting fat the way she is.
Diet it is then.
One morning, when she is running towards the Academy for fear of being late, she literally runs into Akihiro. She rounds a corner and there he suddenly is, and before she can stop they collide and both fall gracelessly to the ground with twin grunts.
She stares at him for a moment, her mind struggling to figure out what just happened.
He recovers first and sends her a sardonic smile. "And you're supposed to be a shinobi? You should have taken grandmother's advice and left the academy!"
At his words her mood immediately switches from stunned embarrassment to anger and she fists her hands into the ground. "I am a kunoichi! You're just a clutz!"
"Really?" he says, standing and brushing off his trousers. "Well, I'm just a merchant's apprentice, aren't I? You're the one playing shinobi all day."
"I'm not playing!" she declares, shooting to her feet as well. "I'm learning!"
"Obviously you're not very good at it."
"I am too!"
"Prove it!"
"I'm top of my class!"
"So you said, but that doesn't actually tell me anything. I don't know shit about what you're supposed to learn at the Academy."
She falters then, more out of surprise than anything else. He's the grandson of the Matchmaker and the heir to the Tanagawa clan and he said shit! He swore at her! Somehow that's more of a surprise than his general rudeness.
"What kind of proof do you want then?" she asks at last, scrambling to collect her thoughts. "Theoretically I could display perfect knowledge of the shinobi skills but you wouldn't be able to tell, would you?"
"Shinobi fight in wars, right? So prove that you can do that."
She blinks at him then. Once. Twice.
"You want me to fight you? Here? Now?"
He sneers at her then, obviously insulted at the suggestion.
"I don't fight with girls! Especially not little ones!"
"I'm not little! I'm ten! And how else do you want me to prove it?"
"I'm twelve!" he brags. "And I'm a boy too!"
"Girls are just as strong as boys!"
Her body trembles with anger, the blood pumping in her veins and her hands positively itching with the urge to hit him. He, however, looks frustratingly calm, towering over her with that patronising look in his eyes.
"How about this then," he says after a few moments of thinking. "I'm bigger and a boy, but you're supposed to know all sorts of fighting from the Academy. So we'll fight with swords."
"Swords?" she repeats, feeling like she's missing something. "You don't even have a sword."
"My uncle is teaching me to use one as part of my apprenticeship. Still, I'm just a civilian, right? I'm sure that's nothing compared with what they teach you at the Academy."
"They don't teach sword fighting at the Academy. Just kunai and shuriken and stuff like that."
"Oh. Well, that's disappointing. I guess you really are a useless girl playing shinobi then, aren't you?"
His voice is so condescending, his smile so haughty and self-assured that part of her is screaming inside: a wordless, furious howl that makes her throat hurt with the effort of not letting it out.
"I can take you on even without a sword! Kunai and shuriken are the basics for any shinobi and I'm going to prove it to you! Just say when and where!"
"Fine. I'll find you after the Academy lets out then."
"And bring your sword! If you even have one, that is!"
"Feel free to bring one you too, if you can get your hands on one. You're going to need all the help you can get!"
With a dismissive wave he turns his back on her and begins walking away. Sakura stands frozen in place for a few moments, angrily contemplating the advantages of jumping at him now when he isn't expecting her too.
School! an inner voice tells her, finally distracting him from the annoyance that is Tanagawa Akihiro. Crap, I'm late!
That afternoon he's waiting for her by the Academy gates when school is over, leaning far too comfortably against the fence.
"Who's that?" she hears Ino wonder out loud. "I don't think I've seen him here before."
"I don't know," another girl replies. "But he's kinda hot, isn't he? And he's got a sword."
Indeed Akihiro is sporting a sword. A real, freaking sword! And here she had thought that even if he was learning to use one there was no way he would be allowed to actually bring it with him for a fight.
"He's just a civilian jerk," Sakura tells them dismissively, already heading over to him.
She doesn't notice the surprised looks the other girls give her.
He straightens up as she approaches, looking at her expectantly. She hates how she has to crane her head to meet his eyes.
"Last chance to back out and admit you're wrong," he tells her.
"As if! I'll prove to you that I'm a great shinobi!"
"Your choice. Is there a training ground or something here we can use?"
She leads him to the training ground behind the Academy where she has spent many hours practicing with both kunai and shuriken alongside her classmates. They're not alone. Several of her classmates have decided to stay and watch them fight, forming a wall of spectators between them and the Academy building. If one of the teachers happens to look out of the windows they won't be able to see them fight.
Once on the training ground she faces Akihiro, automatically falling into a defensive stance. Akihiro falls into a similar stance, drawing his sword with slow, precise movements that reminds her of how Sasuke-kun handles his kunai. Like the weapon is a natural extension of him and not a piece of very sharp metal that might actually harm him if not handled carefully.
Maybe this wasn't such a good idea, she thinks. Maybe I should just back out now. But a glance around her tells her that it's far too late for that now. Her classmates are watching, curious and eager to see a fight.
Swallowing nervously she draws a kunai, raising it in front of her so that she is ready to block any attack he makes. Her hand is trembling minutely and she silently prays that he can't tell.
"My sword has a longer reach than your kunai," he says, frowning. "I don't mind if you use two."
"I don't need two to beat you!" she shoots back, refusing to acknowledge the foolishness of her own words.
"Fine. Suit yourself. Countdown from three?"
"Fine. Three."
"Two."
"One!"
She immediately runs forward, hoping to take him by surprise and finish the fight quickly. However he sweeps down with the sword, forcing her to duck and back away again or risk decapitation. The blade of his sword glints dangerously in the sunshine and it suddenly strikes her that this isn't a mere practice sword; this is a real, sharp and very dangerous sword. One mistake and she might actually die.
"Come on Sakura!" someone cheers from the sideline. "Show him!"
He follows his swipe up with another attack and she raises her kunai to block it this time, trembling as the sharp edge of the sword clashes against the kunai mere inches away from her fingers. This was a bad idea!
Since he is focused on where their blades meet she aims a kick for his legs, hoping to get him off balance. He backs away to avoid it, freeing her to charge at him again with her kunai. She dodges the sword but continues forward, using her momentum to throw herself towards his midsection.
A victorious cry escapes her, because she knows she's won.
Then he sidesteps and brings the handle of the sword down to knock her in the head, making her see stars.
When she can see again she finds herself staring up at him from the ground, the edge of his sword pressed against her chest.
"You lose," he tells her.
She has dropped her kunai somewhere and even if she still had it she wouldn't be able to fend him off from this position. The humiliation burns in her throat and her eyes, mixing with anger and just a tiny bit of fear.
"Do you give?" he asks after a few moments, when she still hasn't acknowledged her loss.
"You cheated!" she accuses, desperate for her classmates to see it and agree with her.
"No, I did not. I'm simply better than you. So do you give?"
Her eyes are locked with his but she can hear the whispers of her classmates. It wasn't even a good fight! It was over in seconds! her inner voice wails. And she's worked so hard to become stronger, to no longer be the weakest one whenever they spar. In a matter of minutes all of her hard work is gone.
"Fine. I give," she reluctantly says, still glaring at him.
He withdraws his sword and backs up, leaving her space to get up on her own. If this was a supervised fight during a lesson she would get up and bow to her opponent, forming the sign of reconciliation with her hands, but the resentment at her loss is too strong for her to do so now. Defeated by a civilian, and in front of her classmates as well!
"Admit that you were wrong," he orders her.
"No!"
"I won, fair and square! Admit that you're a bad shinobi and would have been better off taking grandmother's advice!"
"Maybe I lost but I'm still learning! I'll show you one day!"
His glare intensifies then and for a moment it looks as if he might actually attack her. Then he relaxes his stance and puts his hands in his pockets, turning partway away from her.
"Whatever. We both know I was right, whether you say it out loud or not. You're just being a child about it."
And he starts to walk away, calmly, as if he hasn't just ruined whatever reputation she might have had.
Fuck Tanigawa Akihiro! she thinks then, fists clenching at her sides. She'll show him.
Someday.
A month before her graduation from the Academy she is once again brought before the Matchmaker. The visit is preceded by multiple arguments between her mother and aunt Kasumi; fights which left the very air of their home so thick with tension that it is difficult to breathe around. Sakura might have been grateful to be out of the apartment, had it not been for the fact that the tension follows her even to the Matchmaker.
This is it, she thinks. This is the moment when her future is decided.
"So here you are, a month from graduation from the shinobi Academy," the Matchmaker states. "Are you still set on becoming a kunoichi?"
"I am. I've worked too hard to give up now."
Sakura stands straight before the matchmaker, torn between determination and fear. Between her stellar academic grades and at least decent grades in the combat-related classes she's one of the top kunoichi of her class, topping many of the shinobi-born children even. Only Sasuke-kun has better overall grades, though that is only to be expected given how awesome he is.
"We're very proud of Sakura's successes," her mother chimes in, with a hint of steel in her voice that belays her frail body. Sakura is honestly surprised that her mother managed to come today, given how ill she was that morning.
"So I'm sure," the Matchmaker says, in a surprisingly non-confrontational tone, given her earlier determination to steer Sakura towards becoming a lady. "However, allow me to give you a fair warning child."
She focuses Sakura with a look that freezes her in place, her old eyes taking on a look of ancient wisdom.
"Life as a shinobi is not easy. It is hard, violent and thankless. There is a reason that there are so few kunoichi, and there is a reason why so few of our people choose to follow that path."
Sakura raises her chin, trying to manage a glare of defiance. She's heard all of the warnings of the hardships of shinobi life before. It won't frighten her any more now than it has in the past.
"Uzushio fell because our people got too powerful and became overly confident in themselves. Those that remained of our people scattered across the lands and swore off violence. Instead we choose to live peaceful lives, for fear of repeating history."
The argument takes Sakura by surprise. She's decently well versed in the history of her people but this is the first time that history is used as an argument against her becoming a shinobi. Her defiance stumbles before this new argument, forcing her to consider it.
"So before you choose to become a shinobi, consider your history girl. Do you want to risk bringing the same fate to Konoha as that which befell Uzushio? Because that is your heritage."
It is only years of training in etiquette that prevents her from gaping at the Matchmaker at the forcefulness of the argument. Does she really want to put Konoha at risk that way? Her body grows cold with fear, every inch of her protesting against the idea of endangering the village and everyone in it.
"Sakura is not the elders of Uzushio. She bears no responsibility for what happened to Uzushio, and whatever mistakes she makes will be her own and not those of people who've been dead for decades!"
Her mother's voice is forceful, breaking through Sakura's near-trancelike mindset. With a roar of blood pumping in her ears her mind starts spinning again, de-tangling the argument before her.
She almost laughs at the idea that she of all people might actually pose a threat to Konoha. Top kunoichi of her year she might be, but even if she passes the graduation exam she will still only be a genin. The very lowest rank of shinobi. Her father, who died a hero, wasn't able to climb the ranks to chunin or jonin. Sakura has no misgivings about her own power; there's no way that she's actually a threat to the village.
"I'm well aware of our history," she says quietly, folding her hands before her to stop them from trembling as she meets the Matchmaker's eyes with determination. "Thank you for your warning, but I still want to become a shinobi."
"What about your duty to the clan?" aunt Kasumi asks. "It is your duty to make an auspicious match and bring honor to the clan through your marriage!"
Sakura's shoulders hunches then, against her will. When her father died, aunt Kasumi and her husband were kind enough to take both Sakura and her mother in. Though she has tried, Sakura can remember no other home, no time when things weren't as they are now. She owes aunt Kasumi and the clan everything; the roof over her head, the food she eats, the clothes on her body. And she has been given an opportunity that none of them have, with her distinct and unusual hair.
She knows what her duty is, what the right choice should be. Yet Sakura doesn't want to.
"I'm sorry aunt," she says quietly. "I want to become a kunoichi, not a lady."
"You're a minor, and you will do as you are told!" Aunt Kasumi's voice is hard, her face quickly growing almost as red as her hair and her dress. "You're a Haruno, and you will marry for the sake of the clan!"
Sakura is speechless before the overwhelming fury on her aunt's face. Cold hands grip at her heart, fear gripping her at the thought that all of her efforts have been for naught.
"Under the Hokage's law I am Sakura's guardian," her mother intervenes, leveling aunt Kasumi with a look that has even aunt Kasumi taking a step backwards. "This is true until she turns fifteen or until she graduates and becomes a shinobi. Once she's officially a shinobi she will be legally recognised as an adult."
The effect is somewhat ruined by the coughing fit following immediately after her brief speech but the end result is still the same. As she worriedly fusses over her mother Sakura breathes a sigh of relief. There is nothing aunt Kasumi or the Haruno clan can do to stop her from becoming a shinobi.
Reluctantly aunt Kasumi and the Matchmaker deflate, exchanging looks as they realise that they are powerless.