AN at the end of chapter

It's Come to My Attention That I Make Bad Impulsive Decisions

Thirty minutes after I sent the text, the door to the fencing room slams open, startling me. Johnny and Ralf returned to their practice, only speaking when necessary and about nothing I needed to know, before calling it and emptying the room ten minutes ago. I stayed hidden behind the column, waiting for Romero to appear and sneak me out.

But it's not Romero who steps into view.

Dark eyes glower at me, and my stomach caves at his deep scowl. My heart jackhammers in my chest as I rise, keeping most of my weight on the column. Wouldn't you know it, that traitor told Kai.

Swallowing, I try to laugh. "I know you're mad, but I had a good reason. You'll never believe what I heard."

"I don't care."

I blink. "Just listen, will you - "

"Enough," Kai interrupts, his clipped tone shocking me into silence. "Haven't we already been over this? You're always causing trouble."

"I was just trying to help. That's what you hired me for," I remind him, crossing my arms and turning my head. "I didn't call you. I called Romero."

I hear Kai grunts in frustration as a weight settles over my head. "Here, put this on," he grumbles.

My hands reach up to find whatever it is he gave me. They connect with soft fabric. I smile when I see his black hoodie, surprised he thought to bring it. I slip my arms through and shimmy it down over my shoulders. It lands mid-thigh on me, and there's plenty of room to conceal my bag.

Kai brings the hood up, pushing my hair behind the rim so that I'm completely hidden away.

"It's like you've done this before."

Kai smirks as he continues to adjust the details. "It's a good thing you wore pants today. Don't know how I'd explain a skirt to anyone."

This gets a short bit of laughter out of me. "Didn't think you were the type to explain anything if someone asked."

He pushes my head so that my gaze is towards the floor, and I see his shiny shoes as they turn away. "Keep up and keep your head down. They're still looking for you."

That sends a thrill through me, that I've caused such a ruckus. Never saw the appeal of being a troublemaker, but here I am.

"Their security sucks, by the way," I lean in to whisper as we leave the room. "It wasn't even that hard to get in, and I've been sitting here for an hour."

"I'll bring that up with Ralf. I'm sure he'll love the criticism."

"Ralf?"

"He owns The Griffon."

"He owns this place?"

My volume reflects my shock, causing Kai to shush me as we descend the stairs. I see a few legs of other men pass us, and then we're at the first level and walking down the hall I zipped through earlier. My heart rate picks up the closer to the lobby we get, knowing we're almost home free, and I'll have gotten away with it.

"Oi, what are you doing here? Don't you have some poor office worker to be beating with that stick you keep in your ass?"

Kai comes to a halt and I nearly meet his back with the top of my head. That was Johnny's voice, coming from in front of us, blocking the exit.

"Keep your dog on a leash, or I'll be forced to muzzle him."

"You can try," Ralf chuckles. They're getting closer. "I'd like to see that, in fact. I might place a bet."

"What say you, Suit? You, me, a few rounds in the ring? Think I can make a killing sweeping the floor with you."

I keep myself tucked behind Kai, my eyes on his shoes, though I really want to look at them and see their faces.

Kai shifts, discreetly pushing me farther behind him. Seconds later, Johnny's face appears as he dips down in front of me, a red brow arching with satisfaction. My lips curl into a silent snarl.

Johnny laughs, rising out of my sight. "Looks like you've found our trespasser."

"I should file charges."

"I'm sure Soichiro would love to see that splashed all over the news. Are you trying to get yourself removed from his will?" Kai snaps. Arrogance and hostility drip from every word.

"Relax," Ralf mutters, suddenly sounding tired. "I genuinely don't care enough to bother. Just keep your third-rate leech out of my establishment."

"Aw. Third-rate is a little harsh, buddy," Johnny says mockingly.

Kai remains silent. His frame takes up nearly all of my view when I raise my head a smidgen. His hand circles my wrist, and he drags me after him. The jostling causes the hood to fall back. I feel the top layers of my hair brush against my ears and neck.

He shoulders pass Johnny, dragging me along. It's all I can do to keep pace with him. We round the corner into the lobby, and then we're at the front door before the attendant can even finish telling us to have a good day. I don't think he means it.

Unable to help myself, I turn and wave. "We will, thanks!"

Kai huffs and yanks me harder. This time, I smack against his back as he pushes through the door. Spencer waits at the curb with the car. He opens the door as soon as we come out, standing aside as Kai swings me into the backseat like I'm a sack of potatoes. I have barely enough time to slide to the far end of the bench before the door slams closed.

After righting myself, I twist around to face Kai. His hand rests over his eyes, rubbing the bridge.

"You're fun to annoy sometimes."

"I feel a headache coming on. I never used to get those before you." He scowls at the empty air in front of him.

"You're easy, too. All I said was thanks."

His gaze slides to me, eyes narrowed, but his expression otherwise flat.

"And you let Johnny get to you too easily as well. Why is that?"

"I swear," he says in a low voice.

"Say please and I'll stop."

His stare hardens. Still, I see the hint of lightness in his eyes that he is doing a good job of masking.

Heat expands over my cheeks and I blow out a low breath, focusing instead on shrugging off his hoodie. After folding it, I lay it between us on the bench.

"So what did you discover that was so important?" Kai demands.

"Oh, so now you want to talk?" I challenge through a laugh. "I don't think so. You owe me an apology for biting my head off back there."

He's tense and irritated, and it's so much fun. The man needs to lighten up a little.

"Hilary." It's not a gentle caress. It's a warning.

I hum at my name and pretend to inspect my nails.

"Tell me what you found out. Now."

"That doesn't sound anything like an apology," I sigh. "Spencer, did that sound like an apology?"

Spencer coughs to hide his chuckle. "No comment."

In response, Kai reaches between us to the roof and presses the button to roll up the partition.

"Back to what you heard."

Ugh, he's like a dog with a bone. "Ralf knows we're faking it."

"Knows, or suspects?"

"Is there a difference with him?" I look at him curiously. "Either way, he wants Johnny to find evidence."

I refrain from reminding him that I was right and Johnny wasn't flirting with me, though I'd love to needle him some more. Maybe later.

Annoyance flashes across his face and he tucks his chin in thought.

"He also said something else," I go on when he doesn't answer right away. "Ralf said that you've already ruined his plans before and that he can't let you do it again. Do you know what that could mean?"

"A few things come to mind," he says menacingly.

My stomach does a flip. "Anything you feel like sharing with the class, friend?"

"Not yet."

I open my mouth to protest, but Kai's already a step ahead of me. "I'll tell you as soon as I have a direction to go in. Just wait for me before you act."

I smile at that. I don't mind playing his game according to his rules, as long as it's acknowledged that I'm a player. I need a use beyond standing at his side looking pretty. At his pointed look, I wipe the grin off my face, and say, "That's all I ask."

Kai nods. Spencer pulls into the parking garage moments later, stopping in front of the resident's entrance. I unbuckle my seat belt slowly, watching if Kai does the same. He doesn't.

"Are you coming up?" I ask still.

"No. I'm still needed back at the office. But I'll be home later."

"For our discussion?" I draw out, hoping he'd give me more.

Kai's eyes scan me, trailing around my face before he gives a weary sigh. "Don't go anywhere or cause problems while I'm working."

"And on that note -" I scoff, opening my door forcefully.

"Hey," he calls.

I pause just as I was about to slam the door. I bite my tongue to keep from saying anything in reply.

"I'm sorry about the way I spoke to you at The Griffon."

The apology is more than I could have asked for. I would have settled for a short 'sorry,' confident that was all I could get from him. The full phrase, as well as acknowledgment of what he did?

Unheard of. Who is this man?

I lower my head, looking around the cab.

"What?" Kai snaps.

"Nothing, just looking for the guy holding a gun to your head."

"Get out."

"Seriously, do I need to collect a ransom?"

"Spencer, you can drive. Aim for her feet."

I giggle at the joke, closing the door on his smug face. Despite the tinted windows reflecting my image like a perfect mirror, I know he's still looking at me. I can feel it. I wave as the car disappears from the garage. On the way up to Kai's, I let Mariah know where I'm at in case she is still waiting on me.

'How was the interview?'

I sent her a thumbs-up, not wanting to spoil anything.

'Romero said to ask about your adventure?'

The full weight of the day hits me as the doors open to the penthouse. Mariah can wait; I'm exhausted. My bag leaves my shoulder as I drop it carelessly onto the hard floor. It's a struggle to even keep my eyes open as I drag myself over to the sectional and collapse onto the seat. My phone says it's mid-afternoon, but I feel like it's closer to midnight.

I just need a moment. Then I'll get up...

"Hilary."

I startle, sitting up quickly before taking in my surroundings. I'm still in the living room, though it's darker now, the city lights glimmering back at me through the windows. Kai stands above me, arms folded over his chest. His jacket is gone, and this tie is completely undone, along with the top few buttons of his white shirt, creating a V-shape that shares just enough to be a tease.

He must have been home for a while in that case.

"Hey," I exhale. My voice is thick with tiredness, and I stretch my arms over my head. "You got back early."

His brow draws low over his eyes, and he harks, "Early?"

I blink, still trying to shake the sleep off. Kai sighs, "It's nearly one."

One? "But I-" I break off. "I was only going to nap until Ray and Mariah got here."

"I told them not to come, so we could talk."

"You could have woken me up before now."

"I've only been home for thirty minutes," he says. "Honestly, I was just happy to find you here. You weren't answering anyone's text. I thought you ran off again."

"Sorry," I say with a yawn. Food. I need food. Standing, I squeeze past him and walk toward the kitchen. Kai follows, his presence like a burning fire on my back. Ignoring it, I open the freezer, looking for whatever Rei left behind.

My hand hovers in the chilled air as his words register. I was happy to find you; you weren't answering; I thought you ran off.

"Were you worried about me?" I ask without turning around. The silence feels like it stretches on with my face tucked in the freezer, but it's truthfully only a few seconds before he responds.

"I thought you were finding more trouble."

The irritated growl of his voice makes me smile. I pick two meals for us and move to the microwave, popping them in for a few minutes.

"Yes, I was worried."

I swallow. I wondered, could he really mean that? "Worried that I ran, or worried I'd find trouble?" I ask.

"Trouble. Definitely trouble."

I try to laugh. "So, you're not worried I'm going to disappear?" The microwave beeps and I grab our dishes carefully, setting them on the counter. Turning to the cupboard that has the plates, I immediately pull to a stop. Kai stands in front of me, arms crossed over his chest like a bodyguard.

We stare at each other for a breath. "Kai?"

"I trust you," he says.

We've been here before. Had this conversation before. We've backed each other into the corner to ensure we'll both see this through. But Kai doesn't bring that up.

No.

Instead, he says he trusts me. The air around us feels heavier than usual, thick with some unknown tension.

"Not enough to stay out of trouble, though, right?" I press, hoping he'll crack.

It works. First, his eyes crease with the hints of a smile pulling at his mouth. Then, an amused chuckle that he tries to hold back. I fight the shiver that starts at the base of my spine, knowing I can get this reaction from him.

"I don't think anything could keep you from finding trouble," he says softly.

I try not to let my heart focus on the way he doesn't say this with any of his usual venom. Finally, he turns and grabs the plates himself, handing them over to me. I portion out the meals. From one drawer, I pull out cloth napkins, and from another, I grab our utensils.

"Not too bad for one in the morning," I say, taking a seat at the island.

Kai sits on the stool next to me, digging in right away. I keep my gaze adverted. The whole thing feels strangely intimate, though it's really quite simple. It's just food. It's just a shared meal between friends.

It's a struggle not to analyze his actions to death, because the entire time my brain is screaming, what does this mean?

"So," I say, pushing my food around. "What did you want to talk about?"

"Us."

I nearly drop my utensils. I do, however, choke on my mouthful, coughing and hacking too much to be ladylike. "Did I miss something?"

"Learning how to swallow correctly," he offers, never missing a beat.

My brows flatten in a side glare. "Sorry, I was taken by surprise. You seem to have me mistaken for one of your many numbers." I nod towards his jacket hanging on the back of the chair, where I know his phone is located.

Kai doesn't take the bait. "I had a meeting this afternoon."

"Am I supposed to know how this is any different from any other afternoon?"

"It was with one of the Board members, Mr. Dickinson. You've met him before. "

I nod enthusiastically, remembering the sweet older man Kai introduced me to during one of the many dinner parties we've had to attend. He sat next to me, and we kept each other company all night. It was one of the least boring parties I'd been to because Mr. Dickinson had listened to what I had to say instead of dismissing me like some of Kai's other associates.

"The Board has been talking."

"And?" I push, trying to get him to the point. Kai does things on his own time and not a moment sooner. But I'm hoping he's going to say they're on his side against Soichiro. He'd be one step closer to his goal. Otherwise, what's all this been for?

"The Board likes you."

I pause mid-spoonful. Dead air follows his statement as I wait for him to elaborate.

"They like what you do for my image," he says, matter-of-factly.

His indifference is sending up all sorts of red flags. It feels fake; like he's still hiding something. There's a lack of confidence in his movements; he's adverting his gaze; even his voice sounds too even, like he's apathetic towards his own future when I know he's anything but. "Well, that was the plan, wasn't it? What's changed?"

Kai pushes his half-finished plate away.

"My grandfather wanted me married for many reasons, but mainly business. The Board and our investors have never cared if I'm married. What I've done for the company, in just a few years, has earned me my privacy – the right to lead my own life."

I nod. He's ruthless, but he puts the business first. It's all he's cared about for years. And all the shareholders care about is that he keeps their pockets full.

"Or at least I thought they didn't care. Turns out, several of them prefer the version of me that has a family. They like what they've seen in the media recently. More than that, they're frustrated with Soichiro. For years, he's been making risky decisions, taking bad deals because of his pride. He's not been focused."

"He's focused on his legacy, not what benefits Hiwatari," I agree. Sounds about right for an egomaniac.

Kai's brow pinches in the middle, but he doesn't respond to that. "I was unaware, but there was a fear that I'd turn out the same way."

I laugh to myself. Really. Kai, unaware? As if he hasn't molded his life to his grandfather's perfect copy Not to mention, Kai likes taking risks. No wonder there was a concern. But...

"Kai," I say, shifting to face him directly, "everyone knows when it comes to keeping Hiwatari at the top, no one is more focused than you. You've committed your life to the company."

"They know, but it's something they were watching," he answers. "But then you."

I make a face. "Me?"

A bitter smile pulls at his lips. "You did your job a little too well. The Board has never been more confident in my ability to lead. And the public loves you. They love the idea that you tie me to the community."

I try to put my flattered heart aside, but it pounds with pride. I try to ignore the numbers and what the media is saying, leaving that to Romero and Mariah. Even though I catch things occasionally, I had no idea we were doing so well.

I'm a success. At least in one area of life. Suck it, Emily.

Clearing my throat, I shake my head. "That shouldn't matter. You're still you. You've always been able to lead."

"The Board is happier with you at my side. Now that they've seen me in a...committed relationship," he coughs, pushing the words out, "that's what they want."

"But when we break up..." I trail off.

"It'll be disappointing to many. We moved so quickly." He grimaces, looking defeated. "They could say I'm weak-willed, or my emotions easily manipulated."

I scoff at the idea. "We moved quickly because we're enamored with each other," I say mockingly. Of course, that would come back to bite us.

"If you leave me, it'll look as if I wasn't capable of keeping you happy. My priorities are just as skewed as my grandfather's."

I nod. My mind spins as I start putting all the pieces together. "And if you leave me, it'll come across as disloyal."

He nods back. "Neither is a good look."

I lean on the island, pondering this information. We're in a tight spot. We need to break up so both of us can carry on with our lives, but breaking up just before the wedding will put Kai in a bad light. I don't want that.

"What do you need from me? What are you suggesting?" I ask, knowing Kai would come to the table only if he already has a solution.

"We need more time to establish the validity of our relationship and the breakup."

"You want to postpone the wedding?"

"No, that would look bad, too," he says. "I want to go all in. We should get married. Obviously."

I stare speechless, unsure I've heard correctly. My mouth moves as if it's forming words - questions, more accurately. My mind echoes with a single word.

Uhh, what?

His confident, unwavering stare tells me I heard exactly right. Unable to stop myself, I begin to laugh. It starts quiet and builds into uncontrollable gasps for air.

It erupts from my chest, peals of laughter that I can't contain. A hand curls over my lips as I try to quiet it down, knowing Kai won't respond well to being laughed at. It does nothing. Tears gather at the corner of my eyes and I wipe them away, only to have more squeeze out that leak down my cheeks.

"Hilary," he says once, a warning.

And just when I think I have myself together, the image of Kai's straight face along with the words "We should get married" play over again in my mind, and I nearly fall off my stool with a renewed force.

"Hilary!"

I dab the napkin at the corner of my eyes. "Only you would call that obvious."

"Do you see another option?"

"That's insane, Kai. We can't get married."

"Why not?"

"Because..." I begin. The number of very valid reasons I'm sure exist do not come flying to mind as quickly as I thought they would. I struggle to pin down even one. "Because we're not in love, for one."

Kai rolls his eyes. "Of course," he mutters.

"You're not thinking this through. As usual, you're focusing on the easiest plan to get you what you want, without considering how your actions affect others. You're just as Ralf said!"

Kai's gaze sharpens, cutting through me. "What did Ralf say?"

"Just that!" I wave my hands in front of me, throwing them out as if they carry my words. "You bulldoze through life, ruining other people's plans because of your selfishness. Is that your only instinct?"

"It's not instinct. It's a planning and strategy."

"You know I'm right."

"How would this really affect you? You'd have a place to live. You'd have the time to figure out your career, or go back to school, or don't. Whatever you want, all on my dime."

"That's not what I want, and you know it. You can give me a house and find me a job, sure. But I want to succeed on my own terms, not because you hand it to me. Besides that, you can't give me what I really want."

He grumbles, pushing himself away from the island, walking only a short distance before stopping. He looks across the living room, out the window to the city. I stare at his back.

"Love," I continue, emphasizing the word. "I want my partner's affection. I want their heart. And you've made it clear yours isn't available."

We haven't talked about this since the day at my parent's. There's been no need since marriage was never really on the table. But now that he's put it there, we have to talk about it.

"I need it to be real, Kai. I owe myself that. I hope you understand." I've settled for less on everything else in my life. I can't break that promise, too.

Kai doesn't turn back around, and he doesn't say anything. I see the tension in his shoulders, as he tries to think his way through this.

"I agreed to help you because I owed you, and because I'm nice, and because I wanted to. But this is asking too much, even of a friend. Even if you are paying me."

"Fine."

"We'll figure something else out."

"Don't bother. I don't actually need you."

I sigh, hearing the cold distance in his tone. "Kai-"

He turns back around to face me, face as hard as stone. "You'll finish out your part of the job. I'll take care of the rest."

I slouch in my seat as Kai walks away, disappearing around the corner to his room. After a moment of silence, I pick up the half-eaten plates, scraping off the scraps, and placing them in the sink. I don't have the heart to do them now.

My eyes focus on the beautiful diamond on my finger. I've gotten used to the weight, but sometimes it flashes in a certain way, like It's mocking me. I can't wait to take it off. Yet the thought of removing it tears at my heart too.

Later, after I've gone to my room, Kai knocks at my door. I'm still awake because of my long nap and check the clock, noting that it's closer to three. My breath catches as he opens the door. There's no time for me to put the bookmark in between the pages of my book before Kai's wild eyes, lit by the soft glow of the bedside lamp, find me. Then, he's at my side, wearing nothing but soft gray lounge pants.

I don't let my fantasies run away with me. There's no time to even start, as he frantically tears the sheets away and yanks my arms to pull me from the bed. I make an alarmed sound, a cross between a gasp and a yelp as my feet hit the ground and I stumble after him.

"It's Soichiro," he says in reply to me.

"What," I start as we cross the living room, my wrist encased by his strong grip.

"He's coming up. I just got a call from one of the people I have following him."

I shake my head, just barely keeping up with his long strides and strange logic. "You have people following him?"

He grumbles. "Of course, I have people following him."

"And he's coming here? Now? At this hour?"

"Trying to catch me off guard," he chuckles darkly as we quickly make our way down the dark hall toward his room. "Not this time, old man."

"I'm not following. Why is he coming? Did we do something?"

"It doesn't matter. We can't let him catch us slipping."

He says this and then follows it up by swinging me around to his front. I stare up at him, ready to ask more questions, but his seriousness freezes me. Seconds later, I crash onto my back, feeling the soft bedding underneath my bare legs.

Suddenly, I'm highly aware of the silky nightie I'm wearing. A gift from Mariah, I found the beautiful piece in my closet months ago. I rolled my eyes at it, never giving it a second thought. I was more of the cotton shorts and a tank top type. Until I saw Julia in her beautiful satin gown she wore the other night, and then all I could think about was the burnt orange with a lacy-trimmed article I rejected.

"Slipping," I mutter, finally catching up. Soichiro is going to burst in here, and it'll be bad news if I'm caught sleeping on the other side of the penthouse.

He's breathing heavily, his bare chest moving up and down. For half a moment, I wonder what it'd be like if I were the one who got him this worked up.

There really isn't a reason for the fantasy, though.

I crawl to the other side of the bed and adjust his pillows so that it looks like two people are sleeping here. It's clear from the wrinkled sheets that he sleeps directly in the middle of the supremely large mattress.

While I fuss with setting the scene, Kai closes the doors. We're concealed in darkness thanks to the blackout metal shades on all the windows.

The bed dips under his weight as he moves in next to me. My body feels stiff and unnatural, and I try to tell myself there's no need for it. It's just Kai. It's just a man. A man I've known, and am comfortable with. Still, my heart labors in my chest as I become increasingly conscious of every inch of my body.

Hoping to put some metaphorical distance between us, I rotate to my side, facing away from him. My head isn't even set on the pillow before I feel his hand brushing my hip, pulling the already short hem higher. My body involuntarily jerks away from the touch and I gasp.

"Are you joking right now?" he demands in response to my jumpy reaction.

"It's new!"

"My hand has been here before."

I look at him over my shoulder, though I can only see his outline in the shadows. "While we're vertical!"

Still, I can hear his sly smirk in his tone. "Does being in my bed change things for you that much?"

"Don't start with me," I answer, pulling the sheets up to my chin. "You dragged me in here in the middle of the night. I haven't had time to mentally prepare for your hand to be anywhere while I'm wearing practically nothing."

"I did notice that." Oh, kill me now. Please. "Isn't it a little chilly for something so..."

"Choose your words carefully," I warn.

"Dainty."

Damn. Dainty is a good word. Can't yell at him for that.

"Just be sure that hand doesn't wander," I say as I lay back down, clutching the sheets tighter.

He snorts lightly, shifting again as he adjusts his position and the sheets, draping them over his body. I can feel his heat already, and we haven't even made contact. He does me the favor of leaving a small space between us, but for me, it's a chasm, and I'm thankful for it. Because as soon as his body rests, I hear him release a tired breath. After that, my mind begins to slow down, and my thoughts become an enchantment to keep me calm.

It's just Kai. I know Kai. It doesn't feel that awkward to be laying here, with him... in his bed... in the middle of the night... without an audience.

My heart thumps, and there's both pleasure and pain in the realization that there's a part of me that wants this to be real.

His hand shifts back to my hip and just sits there; a small connection between us.

I swallow thickly. "How close is he?"

Kai's breath brushes the back of my neck. "Not sure. I was called by one of them men I have watching him."

"Were you awake?"

"No."

"Sorry, you're missing sleep." I mean that. He already gets so little.

I feel his thin laughter more than hear it, not only by the breath that hits my warmed skin but by the vibrations of the mattress beneath us. If I'm not mistaken, fingers tighten on my hip for a moment before loosening. I'm not sure if he intended to do that or if it was a natural reflex.

"It's not all bad," he says.

"Do you think you can move your hand up to my waist, maybe?"

"Where are your thoughts taking you, Hilary?"

"Nowhere!" I answer harshly, and loudly, despite our previous whispering. I lower my voice back to that, too aware of how quiet his cavernous room is. "But so what if I were thinking that? We've already been there, right?"

"Been where?"

I exhale sharply. "That - you – I – arg."

His chuckle travels along my back again, and I grit my teeth against the groan. I count the seconds - they feel like minutes – and wait to hear any sign of Soichiro, so we can get this over with. It's hard to imagine that I'm looking forward to seeing that old, wrinkled face so that I can get away from his smooth-talking grandson.

"This is what it could be like, you know?"

"What?"

"Us."

My lungs feel frozen, holding their breath as I process. I'm afraid of what I'd say if I opened my mouth again. Kai closes the gap between us by wrapping his arm around my waist and pulling me to his chest.

I understand what he's saying; I do. And there's a part of me that finds the idea of falling into Kai's life more appealing than fighting for my own. I fight for everything and still end up with so little. Letting Kai provide what I want – the home, the job, his friends becoming our friends; that entire life. Everything would be so easy.

I could be happy if I let myself be distracted from how I got it.

"I really can't."

"What else is it that you want?"

"Kai," I sigh, trying to pull away. "Stop."

I feel him shift, rising from the bed, and moving towards me. The shadows disappear, and I peek an eye open. A dim yellow light shines from around the edge of his headboard. Kai leans over me, with one hand braced next to my head, as I peer up at him. "Do you remember what I promised about helping me?"

I won't regret it.

I nod. My fists clench the sheets, wary of where he is going with this.

"What did I say?"

"You don't ask for help often, but when you do, you make sure it's worth it," I repeat the words he said back to me all those months ago.

"Have I?"

I shrug. "It's debatable. I mean technically, sure, but you could have been better -"

"Hilary."

I screw my lips shut, meeting his eyes.

"If you help me again, I promise you won't miss anything. All I'm asking for is a few years. You'll have plenty of time left after that."

"Years?"

"I think in three to five years, a divorce wouldn't be unheard of. My position as president will be secure by then, in any case."

A humorless laugh escapes my lungs as I repeat, "Years."

Kai gives a shallow, coaxing nod. "They could be good. I'll give you anything you want."

The words are what anyone would want to hear. And wow, he looks great saying them. And I know he can walk the walk, put his money where his mouth is. Anything I want.

But there are shadows over his eyes and a wall behind them. He's thinking, always calculating his next move. The lack of emotions douses my heart, but it also lights a fire in my belly. I won't let him sway me. I won't let him win.

"I'm still saying no."

"Why?" His teeth clench. "It makes sense. I see that forcefulness in you that you try to keep down. It's why you always break all my rules. You're driven, I'm ambitious. I reach my goals, you reach yours. Is that not how a partnership works?" The hand that's not holding him up returns to my hip.

"You hate when I break your rules," I answer, and try to push my body deeper into the mattress, even though it only seems to move closer to him.

He smirks. "I do. You're a loud and dramatic, and a heavy handful. It pisses me off," he agrees. "But I respect you a little bit more each time you do."

Heat builds within me and I think he feels it too. The energy that develops feels like a loaded gun, the bullet ready to burst from its chamber. We need to defuse the situation before we explode.

Kai continues with his persuasion. "We're mutually attracted. Expanding our arrangement will be easy and convenient."

"Stop. You're wooing me. It's too much," I say flatly, holding a hand over my heart as I roll my eyes. After, I set a bored gaze on him. " Easy and convenient. Just what every girl wants to hear."

"Yes."

"Kai," I groan. "Our goals don't align. We're not some power couple, brought together by fate or chance or whatever to take over the world. This was a favor. A thank you for letting me use your name in a lie. Nothing more."

Drilling his gaze into mine, he leans closer. Something flickers there, something like frustration or anger, but more visceral. "Being in love is that important to you?"

My fists unclench, reaching for his arm. I feel his muscles tighten under my touch. "I need it, Kai, more than anything. I can't compromise on that."

He exhales harshly and lays back down. I roll away from him, letting my shoulder block the view, so I don't have to face his reaction. The light goes out, casting us in shadows once again. I hear a vibration moments later and a sigh.

"He's on his way up," Kai grumbles.

Not responding, I listen closely for any sign – the hum of the elevator motor or the doors sliding open – but this stupid building is so well-insulated and soundproofed that I hear nothing but my own breathing. My heart is going to beat out of my chest as I try to imagine Soichiro walking towards us. Is he rushing? Strolling? Is his limp bad tonight?

The double doors fling open. I don't have to pretend to be startled – the yelp I let out is real enough. So is the way I grab at the sheets as if they'll protect me from his wrath. Kai twists in the bed, half sitting with his arm out over me, like he's protecting me from what we're supposed to think is an unknown intruder.

"Boy!" Soichiro snarls, striding into the room. The air crackles around him. "I've had enough of your foolishness."

Kai sighs and makes a show of pinching the bridge of his nose. "I'm tired. Can't this wait?"

"You're tired? Long day at the office? Couldn't have been that. From what I've heard, you've barely spent any time there. Vacations, dates, and hour-long lunches all for your common -"

"Watch your mouth," Kai cuts him off with a firm word. Whatever word Soichiro was going to say – and I have a pretty good guess – didn't get the chance to leave his lips.

Soichiro narrows his eyes and they face off. This isn't the first time they've had disagreements in front of me, but it's usually only a few choice words, and then they put it down for later because the only time they see each other now is in public.

I don't know what to expect when no one's watching.

Kai sits up and adjusts his posture to lean against the headboard, not bothering to stand up and face his grandfather. Insolent. He puts on a disinterested expression, and Soichiro takes the bait, gnashing his teeth as he stalks closer to the bed.

He's fully dressed in a black suit with a white shirt under and with a royal purple ascot. His silver part hair is meticulously brushed back, not a strand out of place. Distractedly, I wonder if he's still dressed from the day or if he is dressed especially to meet Kai. It looks deliberately like a battle uniform for business.

"Look, Grandfather," Kai sighs, rolling his shoulders and neck like he can't be bothered. "I'm sure you'd love nothing more than to take me by the throat and shake some sense into me, but this is a little extreme, even for you."

"Wouldn't have to do this if you'd return my calls."

"I return your calls."

"You hang up."

"Yes, when the conversation no longer serves my purpose, I stop listening. You taught me that."

Soichiro towers at the foot of the bed, his expression fierce. "I've always looked out for what's best for you, given you everything you wanted, made sure you had what you needed. Now, suddenly, you don't trust me anymore. You don't listen anymore."

"This is not a game. This is my life, and I'll make the decisions."

"And you're making all the wrong ones."

Kai doesn't answer, his features arranged into something like granite. Soichiro comes to a halt.

"Mathilda is a nice girl. Smart, beautiful. Quiet."

"She's your doll, propped up for show. She means nothing in my equations."

I frown at their description, the way they talk about her as if she's just an object.

"She has the right lineage."

"I don't care. She bores me."

"Then keep this one," Soichiro snaps, waving in my direction. "Keep her for entertainment if she's so much fun. Mathilda will be for show."

Irritation shoots through my chest. My rage feels savage, like I could shred him to pieces if only I could get close enough, but it's Kai's face that cracks and distorts. "You're disgusting," he spits. His voice crashes like thunder in the large space.

Soichiro huffs.

Kai's hand finds mine, unfurling it from where it clenches the sheets again. He plays with my fingers, specifically the ring, which dances in the limited light from the hall.

"I see what you want," he drawls. "Marry Mathilda and then send her away, dragging her out on occasion for show. Keeping her only to carry on the Hiwatari name. That's your agenda." He pauses to look at Soichiro. "I won't do it."

"Because of her," he lashes, nodding in my direction.

"Never. Even if she wasn't here."

They go back to studying each other, their gazes clashing; Soichiro's in anger and Kai's in boredom. Meanwhile, his thumb smooths over my knuckles in a caress.

Soichiro breaks first. "You cannot marry a common girl off the street. Mathilda is from the right family and the right pedigree. She's gone to the right schools. She's inexperienced; teachable. You can train her to be anything you want. She'll be easy to control." His eyes pin me in an ugly sneer and I sense his unspoken, 'Unlike this one.'

They're talking about me like I'm not breathing the same air. So far, I've been quiet, but my stomach rolls with fury at the way both of them speak. Mostly at Soichiro, though.

He really gets my skin boiling.

I can see Soichiro bullying Kai into believing that's all he's worth; that it's the only thing that matters – his name, not his heart. That the value of anything else pales in comparison to success. And Kai's such a perfectionist, so ambitious to his own fault, that he'd believe it without question.

"She's making a mess of your life. Can't you see that? Weekend trips and long lunches. Late nights. Sneaking around where she shouldn't be. You're blinded by affection that that will cripple you."

Kai scoffs, "Not surprised Ralph went running to you."

"What was she even doing in The Griffon?"

"Sometimes we like a little adventure, and The Griffon as all sorts of little nooks and alcoves."

"Kai!" I snap, my control breaking for a second. His tone was silky and subtle, giving a clear idea of what he's hinting at. Soichiro takes my outburst as embarrassment instead of denial, judging by his rolling eyes.

Kai squeezes my hand just once. Be quiet and play along, he tells me while I fume next to him.

"Wonder why Ralf designed it that way, but then-" Kai pauses, letting an arrogant laugh fall between them. "But then Ralf's always had his secrets, hasn't he? We all do. Must be a Hiwatari thing."

Soichiro's jaw clenches and his eyes flare with hatred.

"The lineage must be preserved," Kai keeps going, in a deeper voice than his natural pitch, imitating Soichiro. Mocking him. "That's what you always told us. You drilled that in with everything we did. Our name, our lineage, was always most important. Too bad none of your successors cares all that much. Too busy finding love with all the wrong people."

"You're just the oldest son of the oldest son, boy," Soichiro warns. "I think it has gone to your head. There's still Salima to bring in. She'll fulfill her role."

"Will she? Are you sure about that?" Kai taunts.

Kai's playing with fire. Ralf's not a Hiwatari. Salima's leaving, not that Soichiro knows yet. Kai is the only one fighting for a position in the company. And he's perfect for it, except that he's marrying me - a nobody with nothing to offer. Even I can see Soichiro's empire crumbling before him.

My gaze shifts to Kai. His chin shoots up, challenging Soichiro from his reclined position. His grandfather came here to ambush him, and Kai hardly looks bothered. It's got to be infuriating.

"My life, my future. I'll do what I want."

Soichiro scowls, his finger jutting out in rage. "Kai, I'm warning you. This girl is not worth what you'll lose. She will leave you when she can no longer tolerate your life. You know how demanding it is. After the novelty has worn off, you'll return to your former ways and never be around; that's just how we are. Mathilda has been trained since birth to stand by you no matter how much attention you don't give her. The only thing you absolutely must do is make pretty little babies, which shouldn't be that hard. I thought it was kindness on my part, to find you someone young and beautiful. It could've been much worse. There were other options."

I'm dumbstruck at how pitiful he is. He can't even see how unglued he's become. It's a startling contrast to the man I met on the first night. I look at Kai to see if he's seeing what I am.

A black shadow descends on his features. "Do you think this is a game?"

"You're going to listen eventually."

"I'll see you at the board meeting," Kai casually replies with a proud smirk and narrowed eyes.

Soichiro doesn't take the clear dismissal. "You insolent little - "

"Shut up!" Okay, enough. I'm done sitting silently while this bully of a man pounds away at my friend. He hates it when I insert myself where I don't belong and break his rules, but can't hold back any longer.

The moment comes to a halt as I rise, leaning towards Soichiro. I drop Kai's hand, forcing him away as he tries to push me back down. I glance at him, catching the intensity of his look. It almost steals my breath, but I'm too focused to let him distract me.

I harden my resolve and return to Soichiro. "It's time for you to leave."

He laughs.

"I'm not joking," I tell him. "I don't think it's that funny."

"You don't think it's funny?" He asks, cocking his head to the side. "That makes two of us."

I nod and watch as his body adjusts to face me. I breathe heavier, but I'm not afraid.

I think...

I think I'm excited. Exhilarated.

I look him dead in the eyes. "If it's about the money, don't worry. I have no problem signing anything you want. I don't need Kai to support me. I just need Kai.

"If it's my pedigree, well, I'm sorry. There's nothing I can do about that. Though to be honest, I've been watching you and your family for almost a year, and I have to say I don't think I'm the lowest one in the room, right now." I let my tone and exaggerated look convey my meaning.

Soichiro glares. There's a twitch of his mouth, and it reminds me scarily of Kai when he's fighting off a smirk or a frown.

I swallow under his scrutiny and then gather myself to power on. "Now, I'm sitting in my nightgown in front of my future husband's grandfather, listening to things I don't want to hear. I'm tired and annoyed. So, leave."

"You let her speak like that?"

I grit my teeth. Let me? Let me?

I turn to Kai looking for backup, hoping he's not so agitated that he'd ruin my show. The tendon in his neck flexes and his eyes blazing as he turns from me to him. "I'd listen to her, Grandfather. She's mean when she wants to be, and she's got quite the bite."

Take that, I think, smiling smugly at him. He lets loose a harsh exhalation, clearly having trouble swallowing his words.

"This isn't the end of the conversation," Soichiro finally says to Kai, before turning away. He exits, leaving the doors wide open.

I listen closely for the click of his cane on the hard floor until it's gone and then give it an extra minute just in case. Once I'm confident we're alone, I relax, letting my body sag, and collapse to the mattress with an exhausted laugh.

"He's so stressful. I don't know how you do it."

When Kai doesn't answer, I open my eyes to look at him, worried that he's too angry and won't calm down. Instead, I find him checking me out, his eyes moving around my face with a sort of confused reverence.

"What?" I ask, feeling crowded even though we're alone. And we're not even touching. And there's plenty of space between us. Still, Kai feels large and all-consuming.

"You really can handle yourself," he murmurs, "can you."

I sigh, ignoring the sound of my pulse racing in my ears, and let a small smile escape. It's okay to be proud, and I am. "You're not so bad yourself."

We fall into a comfortable silence. Kai settles back down, lying next to me but giving me even more space now that everything has finished unfolding. I turn my head towards him, squinting in the darkness. My eyes trace what I can of his profile, the sharp nose and flat brow. My fingers twitch, and I think of reaching over and letting them follow the same path.

His chest rises and falls with easy breath, but I know he's not asleep yet. What would he do, I wonder, if I reached out to touch him now? There are a million reasons not to. It's a bad idea all around. A sudden tightness develops in my chest. Too many emotions to process, but the urge remains.

I shift, uncomfortable with the direction of my thoughts. I should get out of this bed, and return to where it's safe.

"Tell me what you're thinking."

I hadn't noticed him opening his eyes. Curling my lips in, I search for an answer that won't embarrass me. "Nothing," I sigh, coming up with exactly that.

Then my mind snags on something. "Well, other than..." I break off, causing Kai to prompt me again.

"What is it?"

"Soichiro. He's getting nervous."

Nervous can mean dangerous.

Kai smiles through the shadows. "He feels his power slipping, which is exactly where I want him to be."

I bark out a laugh, not believing it. "How much power did he ever really have if one girl from nowhere and nothing can do so much damage."

"It's actually very simple," Kai says. "When the girl in question doesn't seem to have a self-serving bone in her body, she can do quite a bit of damage."

I try to look stern at the slight dig, but any irritation melts away quickly. "Glad to see you're not mad at me for sticking my nose in."

Kai glances at me without saying anything.

"You shouldn't listen to him, you know." Suddenly serious, the words tumble from my mouth before I can stop them. "Don't let him convince you marriage has to be like that. You're better than him, and you deserve more."

His lips curl. "What do I deserve?"

The word is on the tip of my tongue. I want to say it, but I know it's the last thing he wants to hear.

But Kai beats me to it. "Love, right? That's what you are going to say."

I pinch my lips closed, hearing the half-laugh, half-rumble in his voice.

"I gave up everything, put goals and wins and the pursuit of perfection in front of even my own parent's happiness. I tear down other's accomplishments and manipulate the perspective so Hiwatari is always seen in the best light. I would rather fake a marriage than bother finding another willing partner, just because it gives me an edge."

He looks down at me, even though I'm the one sitting over him. That scorching fire is gone, along with all reverence. Now, it's only disappointment.

"I wish you had noticed. You've done everything I've asked, putting yourself aside for months. I know what you want from me. I know what you'd expect if we got married, and I know I won't give that to you. I'm still selfish enough to ask you to continue sacrificing. Do you know why?"

He doesn't give me a second to answer.

"The truth is, Hilary, I don't know a thing about love."

I take a deep breath to down all the conflicting emotions I have piling up inside me. "How romantic," I mutter sarcastically to deflect from the hurt I hope isn't evident.

"My work fulfills me. It always has, so I don't need anything else." He laughs. "I'd treat our marriage just as seriously. Love doesn't need to be in the mix when determination is enough."

"Wouldn't you get tired of it, though? All the lies we have to live with, always watching everything we say so nothing slips. I hate lying."

"Lying's never bothered me before, why would it now? If it eases your conscience, just tell yourself that no one is getting hurt."

"You're trying to corrupt me. It won't work."

"Look at it this way, if we get married, where was the lie?"

"It won't be real."

"Our marriage certificate will most definitely be real. The benefits that result, for both of us, will be real."

Oh, to see the world so clear-cut. I can tell he earnestly believes he loses nothing by giving away something that should be cherished. This time, I can't stop myself from reaching across the bed and trailing the back of my fingers across his cheek. His skin is so warm. The smirk that was edged on his face falls at my touch, and his eyes lose their haughtiness. "You'll miss so much."

"Like what?" he says gruffly.

"Like finding the person you actually what to spend your life with. That person you'll always want at your side, in your space, in your hair. No matter how frustrating they are, you won't want them to ever leave. You'll need me gone to find them."

If Kai's thoughts are shifted by anything I've said, I can't tell. He watches me with a silent gaze, and I pull back my hand, suddenly overwhelmed with what I've done.

I know marrying him wouldn't be an emotionless transaction, no matter what he says. I care about him too much. I believe Kai cares about me too, in his own way. But warm affection is not the love that I want. Sleeping on opposite sides of a top-floor penthouse is not the life I imagined for myself, and it's time to stop settling.

I feel the bed move and raise my eyes to see Kai's shoulders shake with restrained laughter. "I don't think we need to worry about that."

He says it like it's a joke, but I don't find it funny. I bury my face in the pillow and close my eyes so that he can't see my reaction. It was a stupid thought, expecting Kai to ever be vulnerable.

AN: Double chapter for your patience.

Now. For an explanation...

I have none. Life happened, and my routine changed, which made it harder to find the time to write. Then, when I was finally able to open the doc again, The Fear had sunk in. I felt I'd written myself into a corner with no idea how to get out. There were a lot of false starts. Lot's cut and pasted and cut again. And in an effort to step back and work it out subconsciously, I got massively obsessed with another series that had no fanworks except for TikTok "aesthetic edits" (i don't wanna talk about it. -10/10 experience 😭) That lasted a little over a year.

Ultimately, I've written the next few chapters and have a somewhat decent plan to wrap this up. I don't know if I'm ready to go back to weekly posting. I don't know if can keep up with that schedule, since I am busier now than I was before just in general. It won't be 2+ years before the next update, though. I'm hoping by just posting something, I'll get over that hurdle of Coming Back, you know?

Anyway, I want to thank everyone for showing an amazing amount of consideration and patience and encouragement. Nothing like I've experienced or seen from a lot of other fandoms. You guys are honestly amazing. The only thing I felt doubt about posting was over my own writing, but never about the reception.

So please accept this true heartfelt, Thank You. See you next time.

- Konix