Chapter 11

She'd seen him off at the door a few hours later after talking up a storm on the couch, broken up by soppy looks and sweet kisses, sometimes steamier than sweet but always still a little shy as it was all so new.

"I'll message you," he said as he leaned in one more time before she closed the door.

"I'll wait for it," Grace answered, knowing she sounded cringe but feeling it in that moment. She couldn't get the sappy look off her face and she didn't want to. This felt new and amazing and just what she'd been wanting now that it was out in the open.

"I won't keep you waiting too long," Joon replied, lightly stroking her arm before he finally walked away, looking back twice as she shut the door.

"Oh. My. Gosh," she said, putting her hand to her lips, slightly tender from all their kisses. He was a gentleman still, that part of him hadn't changed tonight but he could push the boundaries when he wanted and some of his kisses were more fierce in their intensity. Holding her stomach to press the butterflies inside, she shook her head to try and clear it, feeling like a high schooler having her first crush. And Namjoon was definitely a crush worthy guy. Why had it taken her this long to realise that's how she felt about him?

Oh my gosh," she said again, as she walked into the bathroom and looked at her face. She was smiling, properly smiling that actually reached her eyes for the first time in months and her eyes were lit up. Taking her phone out of her pocket she sent a text to Sara.

"OMG!"

It rang within seconds, a grin appearing on her face as she answered it, walking from the bathroom to her bedroom as she did. Jumping onto her bed she fell back against the headboard. "Hello?"

"What does OMG mean? Did something happen with Joon? Don't keep me hanging!" Sara's voice spilled down the line, quick and insistent and Grace laughed.

"What do you think happened," Grace asked, biting her lip a little as she teased her friend.

"In an ideal world, you both declared undying love for each other and rode off into the sunset together, or something like that."

"Yeah something like that," Grace repeated and pulled the phone away from her ear as she heard the shriek that erupted from the device in her hand.

"Oh my gosh, you love each other?"

"OK, slow down just a little. We did not say we love each other but we did say that we both felt more than friendship and there was kissing."

"Kissing, like briefly touching lips or proper kissing, tongues, saliva, lips sliding," Sara said, analysing.

"Sara! I think I know what a kiss is. They were definitely not pecks." She blushed a little at the memory, reliving what it felt like to have him invading her space. That was something she wanted more.

"Giirrrrrrlllll! I''m so happy for you!" She could practically hear Sara beaming through the phone.

"Thanks, it's all a bit surreal so we're not telling anyone although he knows you had worked it out already."

"Duh, you were both so obvious."

"If you say so," Grace said because to her it hadn't been that obvious at all.

"I've been trying to throw you together for months so you'd finally realise," Sara said, sounding a little huffy. "But I'll take credit for leaving you alone tonight so you could finally talk."

"Yes, we talked a lot," Grace said, knowing her voice sounded a little bit dreamy and ridiculous, Sara laughing at her.

"Talking, kissing, we know what comes next," she hinted and Grace blushed. It wasn't that she hadn't thought about that the last week or so, only briefly allowing herself to contemplate falling into bed, into his arms which she knew would hold her just the right kind of tightly close to himself.

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves," she answered and then interrupted what her friend had started to say. "And no, I won't tell you all the details if that happens."

"Spoil sport," Sara grumbled. "And it's when not if," she continued.

"Hmmmm, we'll see. I'm going to go, I promised I'd send him a message before I went to sleep."

"Oh, you are already head over heels, it's cute but I can tell it's going to make me feel sick! And now, I'm the only single one of our group," Sara groaned.

"I'll set you up with someone at work but it won't be Jungkook," she said, remembering she hadn't told her friend what she'd learned.

"Why, is he taken now?"

"Yes and for a long time it would seem. His boyfriend makes him a simpering mess by the sounds of it."

"Your gorgeous and overly confident workmate is a sap around his boyfriend? That surprises me but to be honest, it doesn't surprise me that he has a boyfriend. It's always the good looking ones you have to watch."

"Hey, Joonie is straight and he's good looking," she said, feeling heart eyes grow inside hers and at the mention of his name, her phone lit up with a text from him.

"And on that note, I'm going. I don't want to spend my night listening to how handsome Joonie is. Just make sure you tell me when you know if he has a big -,"

"- I'm going now Sara!" And Grace hung up with a laugh, switching to send Namjoon a reply to his text.

NJ – I still can't believe what happened

Grace – I know! It was real right?

NJ – I sure hope so! Is it weird to say I miss you already?

Grace – No because I do too. I feel like there's so much to talk about still.

NJ – We have time Gracie. Can I see you tomorrow?

Grace – I'd like that

NJ – I can't stop smiling

Grace – You're so cute

Grace – But I can't either

Grace – And Sara wants to take credit for getting us together

NJ – Well, she kind of forced the issue. I might never have been brave enough if she hadn't gone and if you didn't say we needed to talk.

Grace – I almost didn't, I kept thinking about our friendship

NJ – But it worked out. BTW, you are a great kisser, better than I imagined

Grace – You imagined kissing me?

There was a break in the texts and Grace looked at her phone, wondering what was going on in his head or if he had gotten busy in those last few minutes and couldn't reply. A text came through from her friend and she started laughing.

Sara – I was going to say tell me when you know that he has a big... heart (winky face)

Grace – No you weren't

Sara – No I wasn't because we know he already has one of those. Anything else on the other hand...

Grace – Good night Sara!

She was still laughing when Joon finally replied,

NJ – Yeah.

NJ – Is that weird?

Grace – Only if you think it's weird that I thought about kissing you too

NJ – My smile is even bigger now. But you should sleep. I know it's super important in your recovery

Grace – Thank you Joonie, for always taking care of me

NJ – You are my favourite person Grace, I'll always put you first

Grace – Night Joonie

NJ – Night Gracie

And in separate apartments, they both grinned at their phones, reading through the messages a few more times before Grace fell asleep and Namjoon picked up his pen.

Namjoon Diary Entry

I can't believe it! I think I'm still a little in shock. Grace admitted she liked me as more than a friend. We kissed, it was everything I was hoping it could be. I don't know what this really all looks like as it's still so fresh but the texts after I left felt like this could be the real thing and my heart isn't slowing down anytime soon. She is amazing and it makes me want to put it all down into lyrics.

They trod carefully over the next few weeks to keep things low key, hanging out almost every night which wasn't all the unusual considering the last few months had been pretty much the same. Now though, they could sit as close as they liked, make out while watching Netflix or at least while it was on ignored in the background, hold hands and admire each other from their new positions.

The only time it got awkward was when Sara, Jin and Elsbeth were all over for dinner. Grace had been to chemo the day before and was still feeling a little bit rubbish but didn't want to cancel so they came over anyway. Her table only sat four so they usually hung out to eat informally in the lounge. Namjoon was watching her out of the corner of his eye the whole time, across the room in a chair instead of the spaces next to her on the couch which the two girls had taken up instead. Jin was perched on the ground in front of Elsbeth, a cushion under his butt, leaning back on her legs. Namjoon couldn't bring himself to do the same thing, it would've felt too weird so he settled on the chair where he could at least look at Grace throughout the evening.

He watched as she pushed the food around on her plate a little , not eating much and just taking little sips of water, feeling the nausea bubbling away constantly. Eventually Namjoon couldn't help himself.

"Can I get you something Gracie?"

"No, I'm OK Joon," she replied, sending him a quick smile, the others looking up and seeing her mostly full plate.

"You don't need a ice pack or a heat pack or some more water?" Shaking her head no, she pushed her plate away and stretched out a little, trying to ignore her stomach turning over. Namjoon didn't like the colour she was turning.

"I can get you a container," he said, rising to his feet and Sara huffed a little.

"Gawd Joon, she said she's OK. I get that you like," and then she stopped herself abruptly, eyes growing big and looking around the room to see if her slip had been caught. Everyone was looking at her. Pretending to choke on what she was drinking, she slapped herself in the chest and carried on, bluffing her way through it. "- I get that you like to help but she'll ask if she needs anything, right Grace?"

Grace nodded, glancing at Jin and Elsbeth who had gone back to eating but Namjoon's eyes were large and he could've sworn Jin smirked in his direction. 'Sorry,' Sara mouthed to them both and they looked away, avoiding each other for the rest of the night while everyone was there which actually probably made it seem all the weirder as they both barely spoke.

"Do you think they put it down to me feeling unwell that I was so quiet," Grace asked as Sara followed the other two out the door and they closed it behind her. Namjoon had been faking trying to find his keys as an excuse to stay on a little longer, slapping his pockets and looking under cushions and now he breathed out a sigh of relief that it was just the two of them, the tension of pretending making him stressed all night.

"I don't know but Sara almost gave it all away," he said, tugging her hand to pull her down onto his lap, attaching his lips to her neck. He'd been wanting to touch her all night. "Are you still feeling unwell baby," he asked, gently rubbing her stomach.

"Baby," she repeated, surprised. It was the first time he'd called her that and she wasn't sure how it made her feel. Or maybe she was sure and that was what surprised her. She liked it. A lot.

He blushed instantly, burying his head against her shoulder. "Too much," he asked and she shook her head.

"I want it to be natural Joonie. If that's what came out without your thinking about it then let's just roll with it."

"You don't mind then, baby," he replied, testing it again.

"I kind of like it actually," she said, moving a little so she could kiss him before pulling back with a grimace.

"Maybe I will take that ice pack," she said, resting her hand on her body, frowning as she felt a wave of heat and nausea which she managed to swallow back.

"Of course, do you want to get ready for bed while I get it for you," and she nodded, standing up carefully and heading to the bathroom to wash up as he went to the kitchen for one of the cooling packs she was rotating in her freezer. Grabbing a bottle of water too, he arrived in time to see Grace changing into her Pjs, spinning quickly on his heels to look away.

She laughed a little. "I think you've seen it all anyway Joon," she said as the PJ top fell into place and she climbed under the covers. "Thank you," she said, taking the ice pack and resting it on her head while he put the bottle down next to her and sat on the bed, stroking her hair a little. Closing her eyes at the relaxation that came with his touch, she rested into the pillow.

"You're welcome and I know but I want to be invited to see you like that again next time, I don't want to presume."

"Joonie," she hummed with her eyes closed still.

"Yes Gracie," he replied, reaching for the hand she was holding out to him, linking their hands together.

"Can you stay until I fall asleep," and he reached to press a kiss to her forehead, checking it afterwards to see how hot she was.

"Of course," and he kept stroking her head until she slipped into dreams. He watched her for a while longer, fingers still linked with hers. He hadn't stayed the night since they'd admitted their feelings and he wasn't sure when that would happen but he knew his feelings were growing stronger each day and this was enough for now, that he could be there for her when she needed someone.

Once he was sure she was definitely asleep, he carefully pulled his hand from hers, tucking it under the bed covers and turning off the bedside lamp. Putting his shoes on and locking the door behind him, he walked out to his car, zipping his jacket up against the cold. He knew now it was possible to miss someone within just a few minutes of leaving them because that was how he felt now. Knowing he was more than just in like with his best friend, he was beginning to think these feelings might even border on love and it terrified him.

Grace was starting to feel a lot. Like butterflies and all that gooey stuff but she also looked at him all the time when they were together, noticing all the things she'd seen before about Joon but in a different way. Like the cute dimples were still something she liked about him but now she found them both cute and sexy which was weird. And the way he was bigger than her had always been useful when she couldn't reach things and he would step in and do it for her. Now his bigness made her feel safe and dwarfed and very, very attracted to him. So as they sat together watching Netflix, she was really watching him and he knew it.

"Do you need something Gracie," Namjoon asked, turning his head a little to catch her eye again. It was the part of her chemo cycle when she was feeling the best so they'd been out for a walk earlier, shyly holding hands and now they were in their usual positions on her couch, Netflix on in the background.

"No," she said, quickly turning away. It was one thing to think all those things and to be seeing him in a new way but another to be caught doing it. He smiled a little, hiding it behind his hand. It wasn't like he didn't do the same thing when she wasn't looking. It was just that he'd been doing it longer than she had and was much better at hiding it over the past months. But then, Grace had always been more open about everything than he was so maybe it shouldn't surprise them that she wasn't that good at disguising what she was doing. "OK," she decided to admit in defeat, "I was looking at you. You're really good looking, you know?"

"Oh," he said, cheeks firing up and he played with his hands. "Ah, thank you?"

"Why is that a question? You are, seriously. Hot."

"Grace," he said, laughing as he reached for her fingers, twisting them into his, "that's a stretch but I appreciate the compliment."

"You're welcome, just speaking the truth," she answered, leaning into him. As she rested her head, she tilted it up to him and Namjoon lowered his, dropping naturally to press a kiss into her mouth, both enjoying how easy this was.

It had been a few weeks since they had admitted their feelings and Grace couldn't imagine not having said anything. They'd probably still be hanging out like they were now but she wouldn't have been able to touch him the same. Sifting through her thoughts, she asked something that was on her mind and had been for the last hour. "Are you watching this?"

The movie often played in the background, half watched or not really watched at all as they talked and made out but today she wasn't even really sure what it was about. She'd been too distracted by Namjoon. There was something about him today, nothing out of the norm but his smell was getting to her as she sat close to him, permeating her brain and making her want to lean in and inhale everything that made up his smell. That was weird though so she'd held back until now.

"I mean, sort of," he replied and she changed position, looking at him as he glanced at her, silently questioning why she'd asked.

"OK then, I won't block your view when I do this," and she climbed onto his lap, straddling so she was sliding down his thighs, their hips close together. His eyes shot up in surprise, reaching to steady at her waist while she got comfortable.

"What," he started to say but she stopped him with her thumb, swiping it across his lips and he shut his mouth, gulping back his words. This was different, this was the closest they'd been since this started or actually ever. They'd hugged and kissed and made out a lot, with soft, gentle touches. But he was still erring on the side of caution with Grace, her illness and their friendship the deciding factor in a lot of what he did with her. But now, she'd jumped abut ten paces ahead and his breathing sounded ridiculously fast in his ears.

"We weren't sitting close enough," she answered, stopping him from talking. Moving her thumb away, she brought her hands up to either side of his neck, stroking the skin there. His neck was thick, so much about him was strong and not just his physical body. He was her rock and she was so attracted to him for the way he took care of her. But more than that, she was just attracted to him full stop.

"We definitely were not," Joon replied, sinking his hands into her hair and holding her head in place as his lips sought and captured hers. His tongue took advantage of the sigh that escaped her mouth, flitting between her lips to slide against hers and as she arched her body in response, her chest pressed against his, sending tingles through both of their bodies.

They hadn't talked about what might happen between them and when, letting it play out naturally but Namjoon felt his body tense up as it began to respond to having her in his lap like this and he didn't want to scare her away. Yeah they were making out and there was strong chemistry between them, something he never thought he'd be able to say out loud about the two of them but maybe she was thinking this wasn't the right time for anything more to happen. Maybe they needed to wait until she was fully well again. When not if. He let their kisses slow, punctuating his words with tiny kisses as they eased back, tension still floating in the air.

"This is amazing Gracie but it's getting late, I should probably go." He pressed a kiss to the hand he was holding, lips lingering on her knuckles and she moved a little to slide off his legs, smoothing herself down as she stood up. Part of her wondered if he wasn't nearly as into her as she was into him. She'd thought the feelings were beginning to build between them and hadn't wanted to stop there but he seemed like he didn't want anything more to happen tonight and she respected that. But she had to look down to hold her emotions in so it wasn't visible on her face.

"Gracie," he said, reaching for her chin and lifting her head so their eyes could meet. He thought he saw a battle going on inside them and wondered if she was feeling what he was. That she wanted more but wasn't sure if they should let it happen now. "I really like you."

She smiled at his words, falling into the arms he opened for her, sighing as he pulled her in to rest against his chest. Her heart was beating quickly, she thought his sounded like it was too as her ear rested against him and she didn't want him to let go.

"Stay the night Joonie," she said, her eyes lifted up to his from where she leaned against his chest.

"Are you sure," he asked, pulling back to look really deeply into her eyes. "We could just talk and sleep?"

"No, we can't," Grace replied, pressing a kiss to his neck, the closest bit of skin to her lips. He shivered under her touch, closing his eyes.

"OK, if you're sure then yes, I'd like to." His words were firm even if his voice did waver a little, This was Grace after all, one of his best friends and not someone he ever thought he'd be staying the night with apart from on her couch.

"You'd like to huh," she teased, stepping away from his arms as he relinquished his hold on her, taking his hand as she led him through the lounge turning lights off as they walked towards her bedroom. Namjoon was taking deep breaths as he watched her walk in front of him, not really believing this is the point they'd reached in their relationship. Stopping before they reached her bedroom door, she felt him stretch out behind her, turning to see him standing still.

"You know we could just kiss and I'd still be in disbelief that you'd let me do that, don't you," he asked, wanting Grace to know sex wasn't everything he wanted from her.

"Namjoon," she replied,dropping his nickname in that moment but wanting to convey something more than just words could, "I know you. I trust you. This is us and I have absolute faith in the fact that you'll take care of me. Let me give you more than just kisses tonight." Reaching to stand slightly taller on her toes, she wrapped her arms around his neck and swallowed the sound that left his lips when their mouths met. "Now, stop worrying so much and take me to bed."

Namjoon could be the gentlest of people and he had definitely been mindful of being careful with Grace for the last few months, maybe even for longer than he knew he had strong feelings for her. But now, as she pressed her body against his, demanding that he take her to bed, working her mouth across his like that, he knew holding back was going to be difficult. Scooping her up as she giggled, he used his foot to open her bedroom door and kick it closed behind them. Walking them over to the bed and dropping her, as carefully and elegantly as he could, her body bounced a little as she landed, laughing while he sank onto the bed next to her as he looked down at her. "You are so beautiful Gracie," he said and her laughter stopped, seeing the intensity in his eyes, the honesty they held.

"Joonie, I want you to treat me like you would any other person you liked. Don't worry about hurting me because I'm sick."

"But I do worry and you're not just like every other person I've liked," he said, settling next to her as he traced a finger up her side, watching as she closed her eyes at his touch. "You're so much more to me than anyone else I've been with. Not that that's a lot," he clarified quickly. She knew he didn't sleep around, his loyalty in a relationship wasn't something she'd ever need to question.

Sliding forward so they were almost pressed together, she knew she'd have to take the lead in this moment, to reassure him that despite the cancer, she wasn't breakable.

"I know this is scary, that it feels like crossing this line will change everything. And it will. But Namjoon, I want this, I want you to touch me, to be consumed by you and I don't want you to spend the whole night worrying."

"The whole night," he bantered back, wrapping his arm around her waist and tugging her so there was no space between them. "You're keen." His body was alive at her words, he wanted to consume her too, to take over her body, to fill her and make her feel amazing.

"I'm more than ready," Grace answered and she reached to slide her hands under his top, the slight chill of her hands against his very warm skin causing him to inhale a little before they moved all over his torso and then all he felt was the rippling sensation of all his nerve endings coming alive as her fingers caressed him lightly. "Don't go easy on me."

Groaning at her words, hearing all the permission she'd given him, he reached for her lips again, sliding his own hands down her spine resting on the curve of her lower back. Everything was heightened as his tongue reached into her mouth and when she sat up and took the hem of her top in her hands, pulling it over her head, all he saw was the beautiful woman Grace was, knowing how much he wanted her to be his. Laying her head down on the pillow she crooked her finger at him, beckoning him over and he went willingly, surrendering to what both their bodies wanted, showing her he thought she was perfect exactly as she was.