7

Bella drummed her fingernails, what little bit of nails she had, on the steering wheel of her car, her eyes locked on the front of the Women's Health Clinic. She hadn't wanted to come back, knowing Leah Clearwater worked there. The last four weeks had flown by, and she was due for another pre-natal check-up with Dr. Black. Closing her eyes for a moment and trying to draw on her inner bravery, she inhaled a deep breath through her nose and exhaled slowly through her mouth before she fumbled with the door handle and hurried out of the car.

When she walked into the building, she braced herself for the sound of Leah's voice, but when she didn't hear it, she turned and found a young woman, clearly a few years younger than Bella's twenty-eight years, perched up behind the receptionist desk. She had short, frizzy brown hair and dark eyes, and if she were honest, she looked overwhelmed and scared to death. She noticed Bella had entered the building and sat up in her chair, a smile spreading over her lips that she couldn't tell was genuine or not.

"Hello," the woman chirped. "How may I help you?"

"I have an appointment with Dr. Black. Under the name Izzy Cullen."

The woman nodded and turned back to the computer before she turned and picked up a bright yellow piece of paper, all but thrusting it toward her. "Fill this out and then bringing it back." She paused. "Has any of your information changed?"

Bella took the paper, but shook her head.

"Okay, thank you."

Clearly dismissed, Bella plucked one of the pens out of the holder next to the sliding glass window and picked up one of the empty clip boards. She walked over to the waiting area and sat down, crossing her legs at her knee before she turned her attention to the yellow worksheet, which just asked for her to confirm why she was there, what her contact information was, and any medications she was taking. She had just dropped the yellow worksheet back to the woman behind the counter when the front door to the clinic opened, and when she looked over, she saw Emmett and Rosalie entering.

She tried to smile at them before she hurried back to her seat, once again crossing her legs at the knee, and wished like hell Dr. Black would call her name sooner, rather than later. But as luck would have it, Emmett and Rosalie settled in the seats across from her; her with her hands roaming over her large belly and him with the biggest, proudest smile on his face.

"Hey, Izzy," Rosalie said, smiling. "How have you been?"

"Great," she lied. "How have you been?"

She laughed. "Besides feeling fat and tired."

Bella tried to smile. "Yeah, besides fat and tired."

Rosalie laughed. "Ready. So ready for this little girl to be here."

"Does she have a name?"

"Not yet," Rosalie snickered, leaning her head on Emmett's shoulder. "We can't agree on one yet."

"No, you won't agree with me," Emmett scoffed, wrapping his arm around his wife and pressing his lips against the top of her head.

Bella felt a ping of jealously. Carlisle was supposed to be sitting in the chair next to hers. He was supposed to be holding her, reassuring her that their baby was okay. Of course, they had picked out names a long time ago, back when they first started trying to conceive, when trying was still passionate and electrifying. They had spent night after night after night lying naked in bed, just the moonlight pouring in through the windows of their New York apartment.

"I like Madison," he said, and when she laughed, he trailed his fingers along her hip bone, causing her to shiver against him — something he liked more than he admitted. "No, then how about Cecilia?"

"No, we need a name that means something, a strong name for our child." Bella lobbed her head in his direction. "If we have a boy, we should name him after you."

Carlisle grinned, his blue eyes sparkling in the moonlight. "You want to name our son after me?"

"Yes you! Carlisle Jacob. Little CJ."

"CJ, huh? And if we have a daughter? Should we name her after you? Isabella Marie."

"Good lord, no! I was thinking we could name her Charlotte."

"Little Charlie." Carlisle leaned up and looked down at her. "We should try again right now for little Charlie."

As he rolled on top of her, he pressed his lips against hers, his body becoming one with hers.

"Izzy, are you okay?"

She shook her head, shifting her eyes from Rosalie to Emmett and she nodded. "I'm sorry, what'd you say?"

"We asked if you wanted to come over for dinner tonight."

Feeling her shoulders tense, she shifted her eyes away from them, her head shaking in either direction before she said, "I can't."

"Why not?"

"Dad wants to take me to Danvers." The lie rolled off her tongue like butter. Though, it wasn't a lie per se. Charlie had mentioned wanting to take her to eat at Danvers, knowing it was her favorite restaurant in the area, but the problem was, Carlisle had known it was her favorite restaurant, too.

He had taken her there the night before they left Woodbury, the night he asked her to be his wife. "We're starting fresh, Izzy. Let's get married, let's start the next adventure as husband and wife."

"Danvers is closed on Mondays."

Bella shifted her eyes back to Emmett, who had tilted his head to the side. "Since when?"

"About five years now."

She nodded. "Oh."

"If you don't want to hang out with us, just say so, Izzy," Emmett said, his tone strained, and when Rosalie shifted in her seat, placing her hand on his chest and shaking her head, Bella knew exactly what that tone meant.

"It's not that I don't want to hang out," she whimpered, hating that she was getting emotional once again. All she had done for the last two months was cry, cry and question every single second of her marriage.

"We've missed you, Izzy. We're asking for one night, just the three of us, I promise."

Bella sighed, but before she could give them another no, the door to the back opened and the three looked over, finding Dr. Black standing there.

"Are you ready, Izzy?"

She nodded and stood up, walking over to the door, but paused before she followed him into the back of his office. She looked back at Emmett and Rosalie. "I'm sorry. I . . . I'm really sorry. I just . . . It's just really hard without him."

"It was hard for us, too," Rosalie said, sliding her hand over her belly. "When you left, when you both left, it was hard for us, too, Izzy. But we're still trying, and we won't give up, because Carlisle wouldn't want us to give up on you. Dinner tonight at our house. We live in the blue house on the corner of Nelson and Ambers Street. Seven o'clock. I'm making pot roast. Bring dessert. Something made with chocolate."

"Ro," Bella whispered under her breath before she cleared her throat and said, "I'll think about it. That's all I can offer right now."

Pushing the door open, she walked through the back and let it close behind her. Dr. Black frowned, but didn't speak again as he motioned for her to follow him down the hallway. He did the usual work of his nurse: charting her weight, taking her blood pressure, listening to her heart and lungs. Then, he led her down the hallway to the last examination room on the left, where he gestured for her to have a seat on top of the examination table.

He opened her chart and read through it again before closing it and placing it on the counter and folding his arms in front of his chest. She almost laughed, having gotten that glare more times than she could count when she was growing up. Usually because Edward and Jacob had gotten them in trouble with one of their dares.

"I'm trying," she whimpered, causing his eyes to soften. "I'm trying, Dr. Black."

He sighed and reached for her hands, which she placed in his. "Losing someone you love is hard, Izzy, but he wouldn't want you falling apart like this."

She pulled her hand out from his, covering her lips as a sob bubbled to the tip of her tongue. "I don't know how to breathe without him. He's . . . he was always the one holding me together, always. I need him." She dropped her hand to her stomach, to the small, barely noticeable bump between her hips. "We need him."

"But he's not here, dear."

"He's supposed to be, though. We had a plan. A plan for how this was all going to happen, and now, he's not here and I don't know how to live without him," she cried, taking a deep breath. "We spent almost four years trying for a baby. Almost four years and nothing. When it finally worked, when I finally got a positive pregnancy test, what happened? He died. He fucking died, Dr. Black, and left me alone."

"I'll excuse the language, Izzy, seeing as you are a hormonal, grieving woman," he chided, and she laughed through the tears that filled her eyes. "After Jake died, Izzy, I found myself asking why. Heck, I still ask myself why he got in that car, why he was so irresponsible. He knew better than to drink and drive. Getting high and letting you in the car with him. If that boy hadn't died, I might have whooped his backside," he scoffed, rolling his eyes. "I'll never understand, just like you'll never know why Carlisle was taken from you two months ago."

"How do you get through each day? How do you live without him?"

"It's not easy. There are days when Rebecca and I struggle to get out of bed, to not wallow in our grief, but we know that Jake wouldn't want us to stop living just because he's gone." Dr. Black raised his hand up to her face, brushing her tears off her cheek. "I can refer you to a therapist, Izzy."

She felt herself tense, but heard herself saying, "Probably need one."

"There's no shame in needing someone to talk to."

"He was my person I talked to," she whimpered, using her shoulder to wipe away her tears. "Sorry."

"Don't apologize again, Izzy." Dr. Black dropped his hand from the side of her face and took a step backward. "Now, how have you been feeling?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "Tired. Not as nauseous, but at the same time, I don't really have much of an appetite."

Dr. Black nodded and picked up her chart, opening it again. "You've lost almost seven pounds since your first appointment. You need to gain weight, Izzy."

"I know. I'm just not hungry, and it's hard to make myself want to eat."

"Are you taking your vitamins?"

She nodded, and she had been.

"Would you like to see your baby again? We can do another ultrasound."

"I'd like that," she said, softly.

"Lay back and let me get some measurements, and then I'll run grab the machine."

Bella did as Dr. Black said and laid back on the table, pulling her shirt up just under her breasts. Dr. Black was quick with his physical examination before he walked out of her room, coming back a few minutes later with the big white machine behind him. He started it up and squirted some gel on her stomach before picking up the wand and rubbing it over her belly. Her eyes filled with tears again as she tilted her head to the side and looked at the image on the screen. There in the middle was their baby. Little arms and legs, a torso and head, and in the middle, flashing quickly was the baby's heartbeat.

"Listen," Dr. Black said before he reached down and pressed a button and a moment later, a quick thumping filled the air. "That's your baby's heartbeat, Izzy. About one hundred and forty beats per minute."

"It's really fast. Is that normal?"

He smiled, the corners of his dark eyes crinkling. "Yes, dear."

"Can you tell if it's a boy or a girl?"

"It's a little too early. We can check at your next appointment, if you would like to, but are you sure you want to know?"

"No," she admitted, shifting her eyes to the image again. "How am I going to raise this baby on my own?"

"You're not." Dr. Black printed off several pictures and handed them to Bella, before he turned off the machine and began cleaning her stomach. "You're not alone, Izzy. You have your father, and your brother, Alice, those two sweet, little girls of theirs. And if you'd let them, you could have Emmett and Rosalie, and me and Rebecca."

"Yeah, maybe."

Dr. Black helped her sit up before he picked up her chart again. "You're not alone, Izzy. All you have to do is let us help you."

"But in the end, it's just me and this baby, Dr. Black, and I don't know how to be just me without him anymore."

He frowned.

"What happened to Leah?"

Dr. Black raised an eyebrow. "I'm sorry?"

"Leah Clearwater? Last time I was here, she was manning your front desk, yet today, you have someone new. What happened to Leah?"

Dr. Black smiled, and it eerily reminded her of the way Jacob would smile when he was accepting a dare. The same smile he'd had that night when he started the car, when he told her, "A man's reputation is all he has, Swan, and I've got a rep to protect."

"After your last appointment, Ms. Clearwater and I had a long overdue conversation on how we treat people with compassion and respect, and then I fired her."

"Because of me?"

"Not just because of you," he clarified. "Let's just say after you left, Ms. Clearwater did not help her case." He sighed and closed her chart. "I'd like to see you in a month. I expect you to have regained that seven pounds, young lady."

Bella tried to smile. "I'll do my best. All I can offer."

"I'll take it. For now. I'll be in touch when I get the referral for a therapist set up for you, yes?"

Bella nodded.

"And do me another favor?"

"What?"

"Go have dinner at Emmett and Ro's house."

Bella laughed and rolled her eyes.

"Doctor's orders."

Scoffing, she slid off the table and adjusted her shirt. "Fine, whatever. You don't play fair."

"I know. Jake taught me well, didn't he, my dear?"

She laughed. "That he did, Dr. Black."

"One of these days, you will call me Billy."

"Don't count on it."

—RtW—

After Bella made her next appointment with Bree, she found herself parked outside of the Oasis. There was an old, silver jeep parked on the side of the building, one she recognized immediately. The number of times she, Carlisle, Jacob, and Edward had spent the majority of the night driving around Woodbury, blaring music and laughing together.

The door to the Oasis opened and she saw Edward step outside, his arms folding in front of him as he stared at her. She inhaled a deep breath before she reached over and picked up one of the ultrasound pictures from the passenger seat of her car and pushed her door open. Her legs felt heavy as she walked up to him, stopping a few feet in front of him. Just like he had been two weeks ago, he was wearing a black T-shirt with a large, white O in the middle, and a pair of blue jeans and black and white vans. Unlike two weeks ago, though, his hair was down, hanging down to his shoulders.

"Hey, Izzy."

"Hey," she whispered, biting the inside of her lip. "Is this a bad time?"

"Of course not." He reached behind him and grabbed the door handle. "You coming in?"

"I guess."

He held the door open for her, and waved for her to enter first, which she did. The door closed with a loud bang and when she looked back, she saw him turn the lock again.

"Sorry, I forgot you don't open until later."

"It's okay." Edward walked passed her and behind the bar. He pulled out two bottles of water and placed one on top before unscrewing the lid on his and taking a hefty drink. "Are you just going to stand there?"

"No. Maybe. I don't know." Bella walked over and sat on the same barstool she had sat on last time she was there. Her fingers were trembling as she laid the ultrasound picture on top and slid it toward him. "I thought you might want to see your niece or nephew."

Edward smiled and picked up the scan. "Oh, wow. I . . . Kind of looks like a squid."

Bella laughed.

"Thanks. I appreciate you giving this to me. I can keep it, right?"

She nodded. "You're welcome, I guess."

Edward looked back down at it before saying, "I was going to come by, but I wasn't sure you wanted to see me again."

"I wasn't either," she confessed before she leaned up and placed her hands on the bar. "I, um, I've been cyberstalking her. Esme, I mean. I've been checking out all of her social media accounts."

Edward laughed. "I do that, too."

"You do?"

"Of course I do. She is my sister."

"Then why haven't you met her?"

Edward shrugged his shoulders. "Figured she's probably better off without me. I mean, I am a junkie, after all."

Bella frowned.

"Sorry." Edward took another drink of his water before saying, "I went to Minneapolis last year when she graduated with her bachelors. Watched her walk the stage. I thought about talking to her, telling her who I was, but then I saw her with her mother and her step-father. They were happy, so I left. Figured she was lucky not to know she ended up with such a screw up as a brother."

"There was a time, Edward, when you were the best brother, the best friend someone could have," she whimpered, but when he stepped toward her, she scooted off the barstool, putting her hands up in front of her. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come here."

"Don't leave. Please, don't leave."

Bella clenched her hands into fists before she took a step backward and shook her head. "I . . . I'm sorry."

And without giving him the chance to stop her, Bella turned and hurried to the door, turned the lock, and rushed out to her car. She fumbled with her keys before she unlocked the driver's side door and slid in behind the steering wheel. As she placed the key into the ignition, her eyes shifted to the front door of the bar, to where Edward was watching her. Her eyes closed for a minute before she started the car and shifted into drive and left him standing there. She should never have come to the Oasis, she thought, but Edward was the only connection she had left to Carlisle.

Thank you for all the AMAZING reviews! And a huge than you to Sunflower Fran for always, and I do mean always, being my sounding board when I need one!