Author's Note:

Another season, another competition :) This time, the theme is 'coziness' and I prepared a little anthology-type thingy ;)

Unlike most of the competition shorts, this one ended up somewhat tied to the main fic plotline. Though it might still be alright to read even if someone didn't read the whole thing. The context is somewhat implied or explained here anyway.

I hope you're all staying cozy this season ;) Enjoy the story.

Never Really Gone

There was an oppressive, constricting feeling in his chest.

It was kind of like a heavy lead ball stuck in his esophagus. Or maybe more like… webbing, sticking to him from the inside. A ragged breath made it out and it seemed to provide a relief from the constant feeling of suffocation, but it only helped for a second.

He was here again, lying on his back, trapped, as if chained by his lack of breath. It weighed him down and even if it didn't, he wouldn't be able to move anyway. His head was practically swimming and his eyes dazed.

He fucking hated autumn in the Rift.

Everything was wet and foggy and rainy and just excruciating. He was outside only for a moment. He felt like he wasn't able to breathe in the musty cavern, but going outside only made it worse. How was he to know it was fresh after a downpour? It was the middle of the night and there were obviously no windows here!

Ugh. He hated this feeling. His own wheezing filled his ears and he felt like it was getting worse every second.

He didn't even register the soft hand on his chest, curling into his dark curly hair there.

Suddenly a warmth spread through his core. Dry and comforting. He could feel it almost burning the cobwebs away, little by little. The wheezing was getting softer, though his head was still spinning.

"Jules?" Finally his ears registered a new sound. A gentle voice, rousing him from his torment.

"Eli. You're here," his own voice came out raspy, but at least it came out. At least he could finally breathe.

His beautiful savior.

He didn't even expect her. He didn't expect anyone here this early in the morning. He didn't tell anyone that he was going out for what he had assumed would be some fresh air and, by the time he got back, breathing was too difficult to call for help. But maybe the sentries noticed him. They had to, right? He was just grateful that they called Elisie. He wouldn't put it past any of the assholes here to just leave him suffering.

Or maybe she just came to see him and found him like this. He liked to think so. That she didn't just come here out of mandatory concern but because she wanted to spend time with him.

He outstretched his hand, though his eyes remained closed. He tried to feel around, to touch her, while the warmth of her magic continued to ease his discomfort. He wouldn't be able to see much anyway with her healing light right there, but fortunately, Elisie got the message.

With her free hand, she took hold of his own and helped him place it to her cheek, letting him stroke over her freckled skin gently.

"Of course I came, stupid," she sighed. "Why were you outside? You know it makes it worse."

Oh. They did tell her. Too bad. But she still wanted to see him, didn't she?

There was no love lost among many of the bandits at Lost Knife. Most of them were always all too happy to see others fail or suffer. But not her. He really got lucky when she got appointed as his healer when his condition worsened so much.

"I didn't know it rained," his brows furrowed as he explained. "The caves got too stuffy." Lost Knife was not exactly a good environment for him in his state. It used to be alright before Thorn got his hands on him with his sick punishments, but now he felt his condition worsen more and more swiftly. But at least that prompted Thorn to relent and actually let him have a healer. Sure, it was all an incentive to keep Bishop in line, but he was gonna take what he could get.

"Don't tell him, alright?" Jules pleaded. "He'd be mad at me." At least when Elisie chastised him, she didn't seem angry. Then again, everything seemed to make Bishop angry ever since Jules got worse. He knew it was just his brother's way of processing things, but he certainly could do without his moods sometimes.

"I won't," Elisie reassured him. The warmth of her spell passed, but her hand remained on his chest, gently stroking him.

Jules finally opened his eyes to the dim light of the few candles in his chamber. For a moment, he just focused on her – her curly strawberry hair, falling over her face, her pale skin glistening in the light, and her night clothes barely covering her legs and cleavage. Heh, she really must have come here in a hurry. No matter how much he hated the fact that he needed someone to take care of him like this, he still couldn't help but love how seriously she took that 'job'. Anyone else would have left him wheezing there while they got their beauty sleep.

"Better?" She smiled at him gently. His breathing was much clearer now. And while he still felt the exhaustion of his ordeal, he always felt filled with more energy when she was there.

"Much," he grinned. His hand moved from her cheek and wrapped around her waist instead. He didn't have much strength in him, but she didn't expect the move as he pulled her towards him, rolling her on top of himself. His old rickety bed made some dangerous sounds in the momentum.

She rolled off him instantly, trying not to smother him, but he managed to pull her to his side at least.

"Come here," he chuckled as he flipped onto his side and squeezed her to his chest.

"Not a chance!" She pulled away only haphazardly and she turned her head to give him an accusatory look. "Jules! No fucking! You need to rest."

"Aaaw, come on," he pouted at her. "I'm feeling much better."

"You always do and then you get winded and it's bad all over again. No fucking way," Elisie flipped herself in his embrace to face him, but she did playfully push onto his chest as if to get him away from her. Very ineffectively though. If she really tried, it would have been so easy in his weakened state.

Not that he remembered the last time he didn't feel weak.

"Aaaw, Eliii. Don't you wanna?" He tried to pout again, but Elisie quickly covered her eyes with her hand.

"No. Those puppy eyes won't work on me," she giggled. "I am going back to my own bed and letting you rest."

What? No!

He wasn't going to let her leave. He quickly placed a brief peck on her lips, eliciting a concerned frown from her, but soon he reassured her when he reached out for her hand and pulled it off her eyes.

"Alright. No fucking," he sighed dejectedly before giving her a wry smile. "But don't go. Come on, just snuggle with me."

"Dammit. Why are you so damn cute?" She growled a bit, but it didn't last long. Her wide smile kind of gave her away. She promptly made herself more comfortable, shuffling her feet below his blanket and nuzzling herself into his chest. "I never thought I'd feel so cozy on a bed that barely holds together in a stuffy cave."

"You gotta make the best of it," he smirked. "That's why I don't want you to go. You're the best part of being here."

"Ugh, cut that cheesy crap out," she let out a laugh. "It's not much of a competition here."

"No, but you'd be the best part of being anywhere." He squeezed her closer, nestling his chin comfortably at the top of her head and letting out a deep sigh of contentment, now that he could.

She stayed quiet for a while, comfortably lying on the old bed with him in a tight embrace. It always put him in so much ease. Not that he wouldn't like the option he had in mind first, but he couldn't really complain about this either. He draped the blanket over the two of them a little more and watched with glee as Elisie snuggled into it with a soft smile on her face.

"Jules… wake me up next time. Don't go outside, alright?" A little crease appeared between her brows. Jules didn't want to see her worry anymore though. This was no time for worries.

"You're just saying it so that we can do this more often, aren't you?" He smiled at her smugly, trying to distract her with his teasing.

It worked. The crease turned into an amused and somewhat affectionate smile.

"Yeah. Exactly. I could stay with you like this forever."

…

On days like this, she missed him the most.

She never thought she'd miss that place. She never thought she'd miss an old bed that barely stood on its legs, a torn scratchy mattress or a linen blanket. She never thought she'd miss a damn cave.

She had a house. An actual house. She lived next to normal people who weren't bandits. She shouldn't be pining after a cave.

It was probably not the cave that she'd been pining after though.

Cold seemed to be seeping into her bones. She felt like she couldn't stop shivering. It was barely past dawn, but she couldn't see much from the window. It wasn't unusual for this place to be like this, but it always seemed worse in the fall. Everything was covered in a thick, almost impenetrable fog.

She wanted to stay snuggled up in the blankets – at least those were soft and warm – but she couldn't. Not with the cries permeating through the small house.

"Shh, shh," she hushed soothingly as she reached out to pick up the little screaming bundle from her crib. "It's alright, Zoeya. He's gonna be back any minute now." She cradled her daughter in her arms, pressing her tightly into her embrace. Maybe that would warm her up a bit. Elisie wasn't sure if it were Zoeya's cries that woke her or the cold first, but it didn't matter much. They were both cold and miserable, surely.

Things weren't supposed to be like this.

And on days like this, she couldn't help but think constantly of what it should have been like.

Of what it would have been like to have Jules here.

He would have been so sick today, but it didn't matter. Even if he was just stuck to the bed, trying to calm his breathing all day with her having to take care of both him and Zoeya. At least he would have been there. At least with him, she always felt comfortable and at ease, somehow, even when she worried for his life.

She missed it.

She missed worrying about him. Even that constant agony of knowing he would be gone one day all too soon was something she apparently missed now.

Anything was better than the reality. Than the fact that he really was gone.

It felt desperately lonely without him, no matter what.

She sat down on the bed, cradling Zoeya in whatever warmth she could. Her eyes roamed over the room, towards the bedroll spread out on the other side.

Empty.

She didn't even hear him leave. But then again, she never did. He often disappeared in the mornings for his hunts. Not that she could blame him for it – he was only providing for them, of course. But it fucking sucked being here alone in this dismal cold darkness.

The crying didn't cease, no matter how much she tried to sway with Zoeya, bounce her a little, still she continued to cry. She didn't need changing. Wasn't it too soon for her to eat? Or was she really still cold? It was likely. Elisie felt that her arms were still freezing.

She almost missed the sound of the door opening through the noise. But that was nothing new. He was always quiet.

He was back earlier than usual.

But for once, she didn't hear the telltale sound of the door closing again and a freezing breeze assaulted her, forcing her to tear her attention from her daughter and towards the door.

Only now she noticed that he didn't have a free hand to actually close the door.

"You brought firewood!" She gasped in excitement. She expected him to have been hunting. Gathering wood was not something he was particularly… instinctive at. She couldn't really fault him for that. Fucking Nords. But now he was here with his arms full of small logs of wood.

"Yeah, I figured," Bishop smirked at her as he quickly moved towards the fireplace.

Elisie got up from the bed and rushed to close the door, holding Zoeya in one arm snugly. The baby was still crying, though she seemed a bit exhausted from that and there were much longer breaks in between the loud wails, filled only with sniffles.

"And here I thought you'd keep convincing me it's not cold," Elisie chuckled at him as she shut the door again, finally obstructing that merciless breeze.

"It's not. It's practically still summer," Bishop rolled his eyes as he began to stack some of the logs into the fireplace.

Right. 'Summer'. As if there was ever any summer in Skyrim to speak of. But now it was especially ridiculous with fall in full swing.

"You keep your fucked up Nord logic to yourself. I'm not the only one who's cold," Elisie shook her head and moved to sit down at the fuzzy pelt in front of the fireplace while Bishop tried to ignite the flames.

"Doubt it. She's a Nord too. Almost," he winked at her in between his attempts with a flint. She wasn't sure how he even managed to get any dry firewood just then. Maybe he just bought some. But small embers finally began to appear.

"Barely," Elisie chuckled. Jules was only half-Nord. So that would make Zoeya… quarter-Nord? That wasn't even something people kept track of.

"Another part is a hairy-ass fucker who just complained about the cold for attention," Bishop grinned. Zoeya was slowly calming down and the fire was beginning to burn more steadily at last. He finally sat back beside her, letting out a satisfied sigh.

"And half is a poor Breton, suffering in the cold," Elisie shook her head with an amused smile on her lips.

"Most of your fucking Province is in the mountains," Bishop laughed. "How can you not be adapted to this?"

"Because Skyrim is a weird place nobody sane would ever live in. Just accept it," she grumbled.

"Yet here we are," Bishop threw her a somewhat sympathetic look. Or maybe a pitying look. She wasn't sure.

"Nobody would ever call us sane," she smiled a bit, though it only served to make her think about how she was reminded of it every day, now that she lived around 'normal people'. "You know that old hag from across the road? She bitched at me yesterday that I use 'foul language' around a baby."

"The fuck? Zoeya doesn't even know what's happening," Bishop laughed heartily. "Though if her first word will be 'fuck', I'm gonna be real proud."

"Hear that, Zoeya?" Elisie raised her daughter in her arms a bit, looking in her bright blue eyes. They were just like Jules's. "Your uncle's a fucking nutcase."

"Best she learns that sooner rather than later too," he smirked. "Now come on, give her here. I can see the goosebumps on you from all the way here." He wasn't particularly far from her, but it was a bit dark to see something like that, so Elisie had her doubts. Still, she appreciated the gesture.

She placed Zoeya into his ready arms and quickly got up from the pelt, rushing towards the bed. She grabbed two blankets from there and moved right back towards the fire, wrapping herself in both of them, close to Bishop and the fire as well.

Bishop nestled Zoeya in his arms, cradling her in her snug bundle of furs. She stopped crying entirely now, and it was clear why. The fire was practically roaring by now, but Elisie still felt like there was much more heat radiating from Bishop himself.

Fuck, how was he always so warm?

"Didn't have the time to hunt anything yet," he sighed. "I'll go once she's asleep again. And once you're both warm." He talked to Elisie, but he kept looking at Zoeya in his arms with a gentle expression. Elisie only ever saw the expression on him when he was looking at her. It was rather sweet. She wondered if she looked like that too when she looked at her daughter. Whether all the sorrow and anger just… melted away from her face. Sometimes she felt like it. Like all the cold and darkness was gone for a moment. She wasn't sure if it was so visible on her as it was on him.

But it hardly mattered how she looked.

What was more important was this feeling.

It was so easy to forget that it existed. She used to forget it all the time in her despair back at Lost Knife. She used to forget that there was a way to feel good. Safe. Warm. That was, until she was in Jules's arms.

And now, it was all too easy again, especially with Jules gone. It was a little different, but familiar all the same. But she could still feel like this when she looked at what she still had.

She scurried a bit closer to Bishop and laid her head on his shoulder comfortably, watching Zoeya with affection just as he was and enjoying the heat she felt from him and the fire.

It made her feel like things wouldn't be so bad. Even without Jules around.

Not that she didn't miss him. Not that this didn't make her wish that he was here instead. Or maybe too. Who cared how? Just… here.

But it was still not all bad.

And maybe the warmth and the feeling of safety, coziness… maybe it was never really gone.

Not forever at least.

…

He stared into the roaring flames for what felt like an hour. It must have been the hundredth time he idly wiped the soft sweat from his brow from the heat.

He wasn't sure what made him think of it now. What made him think of the small house on the other side of the Province and the last remnants of his family that he cared for.

The details were sometimes fuzzy, but he still remembered the days he spent there in front of the fire with Elisie and Zoeya. Those strange moments that somehow made shit… not so horrible.

Maybe it was because of today. The thick fog outside that signaled the coming of fall. The fog that forced him out of bed to go gather some firewood and heat the place up a bit.

Not that it needed it. At least he didn't think so.

But Aeyrin would be back home soon and he knew she would be freezing.

It made him chuckle to himself just imagining it. He would never be able to comprehend how she could be cold this time of year. But he still loved that. Mostly because of how much she kept seeking his warmth whenever she was freezing. He was almost tempted to forget all about making a fire and just heat her up in much better ways.

But he also kind of missed this. It was the first 'cold' day in ages. Well… Aeyrin always said it was cold, but today was a bit colder than before. Summer seemed to really be over. But the same of course couldn't be said of their honeymoon. They were not going to go out there back to all the fucking dragons and assassins yet. Over his dead body.

And while they stayed here, at least he could stop tormenting her with the lack of a roaring fireplace sometimes.

He was feeling generous today. Or maybe nostalgic. It's been a while since he had a place he would call 'home'. He wasn't even sure he called the house he managed to get for him and Elisie 'home'– it was always for her and Zoeya, he just thought he would stay there back then.

Things rarely went as he planned them.

Elisie had been gone for so long. Disappeared without a trace along with his niece. He hadn't thought about them that often anymore but… sometimes, memories stirred, putting him in a morose mood and keeping his head wondering. Full of regrets and guilt.

He didn't deserve having her forgive him after she found out he had a hand in Jules's death. He knew that. No matter how much he regretted his actions back then, they were unforgivable. He couldn't forgive himself, how could he expect someone else to do it?

But he still wished things turned out differently.

Fuck, he hated getting drowned in this mood. It hadn't happened in a while.

It certainly shouldn't be happening now. He wasn't supposed to be worrying or obsessing about anything now.

He let out a deep sigh, lying down on the warm pelt by the fireplace. The heat almost felt suffocating when his thoughts turned to his regrets.

But just then, as if hearing the shift in his mood, the door opened, letting in some of the cold breeze from the outside.

He didn't bother to get up, he just tilted his head back a bit and looked at the upside-down figure in the door.

"You made a fire?" Aeyrin's face beamed at him. She was hugging her arms across her torso, clearly cold and trying to warm up with her gloves. She was also holding a small packet in one hand though.

"Yeah, I decided to be nice," he smirked at her. "Even though it's still basically fucking summer."

"Aaaw," Aeyrin giggled. "You look like you're overheating." She quickly kicked off her boots, though she seemed to regret that in a moment as she rushed across the wooden floor and towards the pelt in front of the fireplace.

She sat down there and pressed into his side, which immediately urged him to get back up to sit beside her. She was still hugging her arms and he promptly wrapped his own around her in a tight embrace.

"Fuck, you're so cold. Come here," he huffed. That felt so nice. He was pretty sure his skin must have begun to exude smoke with the sudden change of temperatures. That was probably not true, but it felt like it should have.

"Oh Gods, you really are overheating," she laughed. "I still don't get it. Today is so cold." It didn't seem like she was complaining though. She eagerly nuzzled into his arms while placing the small packet on the ground in front of her.

"What'cha got there?" He pried once he felt a bit more cooled off against her chilly skin.

"I sold all the pelts and got us something from Brand-Shei for the money. He said it's perfect for the cold weather. Another delicacy from Morrowind."

"He just said that because he saw you shivering out there, I bet," Bishop smirked. An easy sales tactic.

"Maybe," she shrugged. "But it sounds good. It's some herbs or some powder or such. Sweet and spicy. You make a hot drink from it with milk. We can make it today, get cozy by the fire."

"A 'hot' drink?" He snorted. "Barely two weeks into the marriage and you're already trying to kill me." How could anyone drink anything hot? Drinks were supposed to cool you down. Maybe warm you up when it was some strong booze, but that was just an unwelcome side effect to getting drunk.

Aeyrin chuckled at his dismay. She clearly didn't really have any justification for this and she only shrugged. She snuggled more closely into his arms and reached out to stroke his cheek a bit with her gloved hand. It was still a bit chilly. That felt so nice.

"Are you alright? You seemed a little out of it when I came back," she looked up at him, though the smile never left her face.

Of course she noticed. She always did.

He didn't really feel like dwelling on his regrets though. He honestly almost forgot about them ever since she was here.

It was not that these thoughts would just leave him altogether. They were never really gone. They never would be.

But it just didn't seem to matter in moments like this. Not when everything felt right when he had her in his arms.

And what else could he hope for than the reprieves from the struggles, past or present.

"I'm alright, princess. Everything's perfect," he leaned down to kiss her briefly in reassurance.

He meant it. No matter what fucked up shit seemed to happen, whether it was Jules's death, or Elisie and Zoeya leaving, no matter how messed up things got, somehow there were always times that reminded him that there was something good ahead.

Fuck, did married life make him this annoyingly sappy?

But he didn't really mind.