I actually don't know why I decided to write my experiences into a story. It may be because I've learned to share, at least something. But I'm not putting everything into this story, some things will remain in the past, in its shadows, and stay there, because I know that my pack and especially Damon will read this, over and over again, looking for everything they don't know about me yet. It's funny, I've been married to Damon Salvatore for hundreds of years now. I haven't even counted how old I actually am. I'm not the same person anymore, the same being that was thrown into this life, and had to change.

But as love is truly the most powerful force of all and with it, that's why I have endured, we have endured, even though so many times I swore and believed that we were no more. And even gave up on us not once, but then Damon refused to give up. He kept believing, hoping, and teaching me that we are. I just have to accept that I can never get rid of him no matter what happens to me, even if I'm with other men.

Every now and then that over a thousand-year-old, incredibly strong but at the same time so damn lazy telepath is in my thoughts, watching what I recall, wondering if there's a bad memory that he could help me with. He really loves and cares and our times together, well let's just say you could make a soap opera out of it, so many times we've been at that point.

My story, the story of my pack, well I'll try to tell you all the essentials but not in order, so much has happened to me, so much bad and so much good, and Damon still doesn't know everything. I am Chaos, Alpha female, Multi shapeshifter, but I am also Mother, Wife, Pack member, and the most terrible patient in the world, if not the universe, still.
Even now I am pregnant and writing this outside, in the beautiful air and our pack is having a barbecue, Mariella, Damon's soul mate, is sunbathing. There are guys barbecuing, mowing the lawn, setting the table. Mimosa, and Shadow, our, I mean my and Mariella's wolves, we used to be werewolf hybrids, but we let them go, they're swimming. Also pregnant.

Damon is watching me, sipping bourbon from his glass, lying on a sun lounger in the half shade and I can feel him in my thoughts, I still have so many secrets and I'm not telling them all, at least not directly. It won't be long before it's time for me to give birth, but I've had a hell of a lot of children over the years and I know what it's like. But it helps in some ways when you get to share your past with a bunch of people who were never a part of your life back then.

I always think I'm the lone wolf in the pack because I'm not like the others. In fact, I never was. I've always, even as a human, been the one who doesn't fit in, who isn't as social. The same is still true. I've learned after so many lessons to survive on my own and be on my own, but now I have a pack that has decided I can't be on my own.

I'm in a pack and the fact that I'm different from others doesn't mean anything because I'm similar even though I'm not the same. I belong to the pack and I just have to learn to accept that. Well, let's just say it may take time.

It's hard to believe how much the world can change, how your life can change from when you were human. It's been forever since I called myself human. It feels like a different world, a different life. I've experienced both the good and the bad, and it's been a roller coaster ride. The good moments, they literally make my soul sing but then the bad ones. I am immortal and I cannot be destroyed. I always am. I grow back from a cell and that cell could be a cell that I've left behind unintentionally, a skin cell. And that's why I have then experienced so many terrible things, losses, pain, agony, torture. But I have endured it all. Just on the strength of those good times.

I've been raped twice so thoroughly, so badly that I actually wished I was dead, yet both times I got through it. I've been blown up, hanged, poisoned, ripped apart, drowned, you name the murder and I've been done for. Even so, after all these experiences, I'm a survivor. A wise friend of mine once taught me "The past may be good or even wise to remember, you can and should learn from it, but you should not live in it." I have tried to remember this. They say time heals wounds. Well, it does something to them. You just have to remember to always enjoy the good times, the wonderful moments that come along from time to time.

I've learned to trust in love, trust that I'm loved, and because of that, I can sometimes get my husband to show me my place in a way that I feel, but he loves me so much that he wants to keep me in check. I've killed my share too, so many, and most of them are the kind that had to be killed, but I have my share of kills that really didn't deserve it, but there was nothing I could do about it at the time.

Damon has tried to teach me that it was these innocents, these ones I had mercy on, I had no choice. He is an incredibly patient teacher, showing me over and over again what would have happened to them if I hadn't let them go. And never, under any alternative was it a good outcome.

Damon is a telepath, a vampire, a multi-shapeshifter like me. And certainly not the character from the books or the TV series. Not even close. Damon is a seducer, he's had so many women I can't even think. And that's why a couple of his conquests were determined to worship him so much that they wrote books or made a TV series. And Damon hates them.

Damon is a wizard, a merlin, an energy being, and the father of my children. My husband, my soul mate, and the guy who makes my soul sing sometimes. As I write these lines, he lifts his eyes and raises his eyebrows. He's also very vain from time to time and when you praise him he'll know it.

But this is my story, as I said, I don't always go through things as carefully as I could because I don't want to remember everything so much, I don't write everything about every day because it would be boring, and I don't reveal all my secrets, not even close. But this is also the story of our pack, our story. It's a story of growth, of pain, of love, of loss, of achievement. It has both good and really awful experiences but as I said, I have learned to share and share well sometimes.