Chapter 61
Completely exhausted and with a headache, Regina arrived home after 6 p.m. The meeting had dragged on for a long time, and as much as she had tried to concentrate solely on the town's problems, Emma had kept creeping into her thoughts. Sighing, she slipped her high-heeled boots off her feet and slipped into her slippers before hanging her knee-length black coat neatly on the coat rack. After slipping into comfortable yoga pants and one of Emma's hoodies, she knocked gently on Henry's closed bedroom door.
"Come in!" he called from inside, turning his swivel chair toward the door.
Regina gave her boy a quick smile and pressed a kiss to his hair. "Hello, Henry. I'm sorry it's so late. You must be hungry."
"Did the meeting take this long?" he wanted to know incredulously, eyeing his mother's tired features carefully. "I grabbed something from Granny's for lunch today, it's fine."
Sighing, Regina took a seat on Henry's bedspread covering his bed and brushed her hair back. "Almost. After that, I had some papers to sort through and clean up. You can't imagine how much mess that many people can make."
Henry smirked briefly, but then took a seat beside her and leaned his head against her shoulder. "You don't have to cook anything today. I could make us some sandwiches," he suggested. "With fresh lettuce and tomatoes, of course," he added quickly.
Gently, Regina put an arm around his shoulders and in turn leaned her head against her son's. "No cooking, okay. But we'll prepare the sandwiches together, all right?"
"Whatever," Henry replied with a shrug. "Have you heard from Emma?"
Slowly, Regina shook her head and stroked his back. "I was planning to text her later and ask her if she wanted to call us. I'm sure she's pretty tired and I don't want to accidentally wake her up," she explained. "What did you actually just do?" she then wanted to know, looking over at his desk, which was piled high with several stacks of notes and loose sheets of paper. She didn't spot any textbooks, however.
"I printed some flyers to hand out around town tomorrow. Dr. Heart did say that she would announce the typification campaign for Emma in time, but hopefully this way everyone will really get the word out," he explained, standing up and picking up one of the pieces of paper to show Regina.
Even as she accepted the sheet, Regina had a lump in her throat, which only increased when Emma beamed at her from the photo that was at the very bottom of the flyer. Emma. Cheerful, grinning mischievously, rosy, plump cheeks, bright eyes, full hair. Healthy. Regina swallowed hard and handed the paper back to Henry before rising jerkily from her seat. "Very nice, Henry. I'll prepare the sandwiches now, you don't have to help me," she said jumpy when she was already at the door.
"Mom, are you okay?", however, Henry stopped her, standing a bit lost and disappointed beside his bed, the paper in his drooping hand.
"Of course, everything's fine," Regina nodded, forcing a fake smile. "I just want you to finally get something to eat."
Henry stepped closer to her, however, and looked into her tear-blurred eyes. "Don't you like it?"
"Yes, I do, you did a great job. Emma is lucky to have a son like you who cares so much about her."
"So, what else is it?" he persisted.
"Nothing at all..."
"Mom..." Urgently, Henry looked her in the eye and placed his hand over hers, gripping the doorknob tightly.
"The photo, it..." She closed her eyes as tears threatened to fall and shook her head. "It was a bit of a shock to see her like that, that's all."
"She'll be fine, Mom. You'll see," Henry said quietly before he wrapped his lanky arms around Regina and pulled her into a tight hug. "Now let's go to the kitchen. You've been working forever and surely you want to get finished for today."
Regina nodded and wiped the tears from her cheeks that she had been unable to hold back before heading downstairs with her son.
Three days later, Regina arrived at the gym with Henry in the afternoon after picking him up from school. Although it wasn't quite 4 p.m. yet, a large crowd was already milling around outside the entrance. Some of the people were standing together in small groups and talking animatedly with each other.
"Look at all these people, Mom!" Henry cried out enthusiastically, who had already unbuckled his seat belt before Regina's Mercedes had come to a complete stop. "They're all here for Emma!"
Regina only managed a brief nod; she had been aware that most of the townspeople cared about Emma, but it was quite another thing to actually want to actively help. She was so immensely grateful to Emma's doctor at that moment for making the campaign possible. It had been a low blow when they had learned the day before that neither of them was eligible as donor, after they had already had themselves tested. Regina had not expected that her tissue markers could match Emma's, but a small spark of hope had nevertheless crossed her mind. Henry had been the only one of them to have five out of ten matching characteristics, after all, but that was too less and too risky, according to Heart, even if Regina still secretly thought it was better than nothing, given Emma's condition.
"Mom, are you okay?"
"Sorry, of course," Regina replied as she was startled out of her thoughts. "We should probably say hello to the people." With that, she opened her car door and stepped outside.
Henry did the same and walked side by side with his mother over to the entrance of the gym. Every now and then he saw familiar faces in the crowd, like Granny's and Ruby's. Hook huddled with Mr. Smee and Grumpy near the side entrance, and even Mr. Gold lingered at the edge of the crowd with Belle, although Henry was pretty sure that it was just curiosity that had driven him here, or it was thanks to Belle's powers of persuasion.
Regina exchanged a few words with one of the nurses she knew from the hospital, whereupon he already let her and Henry inside the hall.
Henry looked around in amazement. The gym was hardly recognizable. Instead of sports equipment and gym mats, there were small tables everywhere, each with two chairs. Medical paraphernalia was spread out on them, and nurses and doctors were already sitting at some of them, arranging materials for the samples.
"This is incredible," Regina also noted, turning to Henry, "If we can't find someone to help Emma like this, then I don't know what to do."
"We will," Henry assured her optimistically, walking over to Marc to greet him warmly. The nurse was always so friendly and open with Henry that he had become his favorite nurse after only a short time. Plus, Henry always felt that Emma was in a little less of a bad mood when he was on duty. "Hi, Marc!" he called to him from a distance, then settled into the chair across from him.
"Hi, Henry," the male nurse greeted back, giving him a smile as well.
"That's amazing how fast you guys got all this up and running!"
Marc grinned. "I'm glad you're pleased."
"Are you off today?" the teenager wanted to know.
"I had an early shift. But I'm very happy to give up my closing time for that," he replied, winking at him conspiratorially.
Henry nodded with a grateful smile before his face turned a little more serious again. "How's my Ma?"
"Not too bad," Marc admitted, running a hand over his three-day stubble. "She took the first radiation yesterday well, but when I left earlier, the doctor had just put her on chemo."
"So it's probably worse now," Henry nodded dejectedly, dropping his head.
Marc leaned across the table and gave his shoulder a buddy squeeze. "Hey, I know you're pretty worried about her. And you have every reason to be. But this..." He made a sweeping motion with his hand, "this is a good thing. We'll leave no stone unturned to help her, okay?"
Hesitantly, Henry nodded and sighed, "Yeah, I know that. But you do that with other patients, too, and still there's no guarantee they'll all survive."
"That's true. But your Ma is strong. And stubborn. Sometimes I feel like she'd get better just out of spite," he smirked.
"Yeah, that sounds like her," Henry admitted with a slight smile. "Does she get to go home soon?"
"Phew, you should really ask your moms or the doctors more about that," Marc indicated, shrugging his shoulders. "I think they'll base it on how she tolerates the chemo."
"So as usual," Henry nodded and stood up when he saw his mother talking to a doctor. Henry knew him only by sight from the hospital, but he knew he sometimes took over duties in oncology when Dr. Heart was off. "I think I better go over to my mom now. See you later."
"Sure, see you later, Henry," the nurse nodded, glancing briefly at the boy before returning his attention to his lists and packed test kits.
"... cause for concern."
Henry only caught the end of the sentence the doctor had spoken as he stepped up next to his mother and immediately put an arm around her shoulders, considering her tense expression and stiff posture. "Hello," he then greeted the doctor.
"Hello, Henry," the doctor smiled briefly, then turned his gaze back to Regina. "You know her prognosis isn't good, but we're doing the best we can, I can assure you."
"Of course," Regina nodded and sighed, "I just wish I could do more for her. What about psychological care?"
"She's getting that, of course, and has been all along, not just now. The antidepressants she takes are not prescribed without prior assessment and talk therapy. I assure you that Emma is well taken care of. Now, if you will excuse me..." With that, the doctor nodded to the two and joined two nurses to give them further instructions.
"What's wrong, Mom?", Henry wanted to know worriedly when they were alone again.
"I asked him about Emma," Regina replied, taking a deep breath. "She's pretty mentally unstable right now." Restlessly, the brunette shifted from one foot to the other and stared over at the entrance with her arms folded in front of her chest. "I'd actually rather be with her right now, but this doesn't feel right."
"Why not? If it's like he says, surely it would be good for her not to be alone right now," Henry mused, furrowing his brows in turn. "Unless she has forbidden us to see her again?!"
"No, that's not it," Regina replied, turning back to her son. "All these people... they're here to help Emma. I just don't think it's right to walk away instead of giving them our thanks."
"They don't want our thanks, Mom. They want to help Emma, just like we do. I don't think they'll be mad if you spend your time with Emma instead of shaking their hands all afternoon," Henry indicated. "Besides, it would be the last thing Emma would want, too. After all, she's always telling you to take better care of yourself, and there's nothing you can do here right now anyway."
"You really think so?" There was an uncertain flicker in Regina's eyes.
"Yes, I'm quite sure of it. Let's let someone know and then we'll go to Emma, okay?" the teen suggested, pressing a kiss to his mother's cheek. He usually never did this in public, but he realized that it helped her. Besides, he was glad that he had been able to change her mind, because he was finally going to make the surprise he had been planning for her for a long time come true.
"What are you doing at the clinic with your school backpack?" Regina asked, confused as Henry got out and slung the strap over his shoulder.
"I wanted to show Emma some of my work that we got back. Before I unpack it all, I might as well take the whole bag," he indicated, grinning mischievously at her.
Suspiciously, Regina raised a brow, but locked the car and entered the hospital with her son. The fact that the lady at the reception desk was by now paying them no attention at all except for a nod of greeting gnawed at Regina more than she would ever have admitted. It was not a nice thought that one went in and out of a hospital as if one were at home.
While they waited for the elevator, Henry glanced at his cell phone and then typed a quick message, unnoticed by Regina, before putting the phone back in his jeans pocket. "Did you actually speak up to the doctor earlier, or did he speak up to you?"
"I to him," Regina returned absently, shifting her purse higher on her shoulder as they entered the ward.
Henry sensed the change in his mother every time they approached Emma's room. She then always became more silent, more subdued, and didn't seem to really notice what he was saying to her at all. Involuntarily, he slid his hand into hers and squeezed it lightly before letting go immediately afterwards.
Regina then gave her son a tight smile and finally knocked softly so as not to wake Emma in case she was asleep. Carefully, she pushed open the door and sanitized her hands before entering the room and coming to Emma's bedside.
Emma was dozing off, her skin pale and translucent. Before opening her eyes and turning her head toward her visitors, she swallowed visibly strained and took a deep breath of the supplemental oxygen provided to her through the nasal tube. "Hey," she whispered wanly, extending her good arm in Regina's direction.
"Hello, love," Regina replied gently, grasping her fingers.
"Come here," Emma begged, wishing for nothing more at that moment than to be able to sit up unassisted and take Regina in her arms. Instead, she had to wait until her girlfriend came closer to her bed and leaned over her. With all the strength she could muster, Emma then put her arm around her neck and stretched her head as far as she could. Their lips met in a tender kiss, but it ended far too quickly as Emma could no longer breathe and had to lie back down. "I love you," she whispered, barely catching her breath. As tears came to her eyes, she closed them and turned her head away. It hurt too much to look Regina in the face, to tell her how she felt about her, and at the same time to know that she was the reason her girlfriend felt nothing but awful.
"I love you too, Emma. You being here is the best thing that could have happened to me," Regina replied firmly, though, stroking Emma's bald head. "And you, too, of course," she then turned to Henry.
Emma was silent and only the twitching of her jaw muscles revealed that she was still listening and aware of Regina's touch.
"Hey, Ma," Henry finally said, who had stayed in the background for the time being, but now wanted to make his presence felt. Gently, he put a hand on Emma's forearm and stroked it. "The typification campaign is going great, totally many people have come!", he then immediately reported to her enthusiastically.
It still took a while before Emma was sure she managed to hold back her tears and dared to open her eyes again. "That sounds good, kid," she nodded, but her tone was anything but enthusiastic. She felt too sick and wimpy to muster enthusiasm for anything. It was already exhausting just talking to her loved ones. "You should go home and have a nice afternoon," she finally said, looking at Regina. "This spoils the mood," she added, looking down at herself.
"This is where my family is," Regina corrected her, taking her hand again. "And that's exactly where I want to spend my afternoon off."
As if on cue, there was a knock at the door and Zelena's curly red head slid in. She too cleaned her hands with disinfectant as instructed before joining the small family, and then placed her hands on her sister's shoulders from behind. "Happy birthday, sis," she grinned at Regina's confused expression before she pressed a kiss to her cheek. "Here's to many more crazy years with you."
Emma's lips twisted into a dull but honest smile. Knowing that Regina at least still had her sister, if she was dying, comforted her immensely.
"As far as I know, it was my birthday a few weeks ago. What are you doing here?" Regina finally wanted to know when she had regained her speech.
"Guess what? I want to celebrate your birthday with you. Henry let me know that you are here now," she explained as if it were the most normal thing in the world.
Henry was busy unpacking his backpack. He uncovered paper plates and cups, a tin of cake decorated with colorful sprinkles, and a bottle of Regina's homemade apple juice.
Zelena immediately helped him put everything on the small table against the wall and on Emma's fold-out nightstand.
"Did you know about this?", Regina wanted to know from Emma with her mouth open.
The latter shook her head slightly. "I certainly wouldn't have suggested that you celebrate your special day in this depressing hospital room," she countered, moving the headboard of her bed a little higher. It hadn't been long since the last pain injection, but her back pain was already intensifying again, and the rest of her body was protesting against the same position it was always in.
"But we knew that she would either celebrate with you or not at all," Zelena answered Emma, shrugging her shoulders. "And we didn't want to wait any longer, because so far we've always planned and then the next disaster has befallen us. So at least we organized a small coffee party... Even if the cardboard tableware is probably not appropriate for Madam Mayor."
"It's perfect," Regina replied, however, and couldn't help but smile when Henry put a plate with a piece of the cake in her hand.
Emma watched the scene with a smile as well, then shook her head briefly as Zelena held out a plate to her questioningly as well. "Better not." She was glad that the chemo hadn't made her nauseous so far and didn't want to challenge it. "Enjoy," she said honestly, therefore, as everyone else had a piece of cake and a cup of juice in front of them.
For the next few minutes, only chewing sounds and Emma's heavy breathing could be heard before Emma finally broke the silence. "Regina... I know I'm an incredible burden to you, but... I want to go home."
"You're not a burden, Emma," Regina immediately countered, setting her empty plate down on the nightstand before eyeing her girlfriend fondly. "And I'm looking forward to when you get to go home again."
"No," Emma interrupted her, shaking her head slightly. "I... want to go home. I'd rather go yesterday than tomorrow. It'll be forever before anyone discharges me. My hemoglobin and erythrocyte levels are at rock bottom, I have next to no strength, I... They think they can fix me, but I don't believe that." Even though the panic in Regina's gaze seemed to burn a hole in her heart, she had to keep talking. "I've already asked. The clinic's driving service can pick me up and bring me back for radiation and chemo. I'll do the treatments, I promised you that. But I want to go home. I can't wait to get better because I probably never will. I don't want to die in here." A sob escaped her and she hated that she couldn't manage to hold back her tears now after all.
"We'll wait outside," Zelena stated quietly, who put a hand on Henry's shoulder and escorted him to the door as discreetly as possible.
Regina opened her mouth to say something, but then closed it again and swallowed past the lump in her throat.
"I'm sorry to tell you this today of all days, but I didn't know about the planned party and I was planning to talk to you about it today because I can't stand it any longer," Emma whispered in a tear-stained voice.
"No, it... It's okay," Regina finally replied quietly, looking her in the eye. "I know. I'll talk to your doctor."
"Really?" Disbelieving, Emma eyed her, trying to fathom the look in her brown eyes. She hadn't expected Regina to be in favor of an early discharge.
"Really. I've had to watch the disease consume you for a long time. Until now, I've turned a blind eye to it because I didn't want to acknowledge what you've felt for a long time. Emma, I'm sorry." Trembling heavily, she pressed a hand to her mouth to stifle her sobs. "If it weren't for me, you would have drawn a line long ago. I forced those painful and pointless therapies on you, and you endured every one of them because you love me. Of the many unspeakable things I've done in my life, this is by far the worst."
Emma shook her head and gently placed her hand on her thigh. "No, it isn't. You've motivated me to persevere, and for that I'm immensely grateful. I don't want to stop the therapies. But I also don't want to stick around and not realize I've lost until it's too late. Maybe the treatments will help me, maybe not. But if not, I don't want to spend my last weeks in a hospital, but at home with you."
Regina took a deep breath and wiped the tears from her cheeks before placing her hand over Emma's. "I'm glad you told me," she said honestly, squeezing her fingers gently. "I'll tell Heart to get you stabilized enough to go home."
"Thank you, Regina." Emma felt like she could suddenly breathe much more freely. That she had finally shared her thoughts with her girlfriend lifted an immense weight off her shoulders. "We should tell Henry and Zelena."
Regina nodded, but without further ado slipped her shoes off her feet and pulled her legs up onto the bed with her. Careful not to disconnect any cables or tubes, she snuggled up to Emma and took her in her arms. "They'll have to be patient for a moment," she whispered, pressing her face into the crook of Emma's neck as more tears ran silently down her face.