Additional note: I chose to always refer to Eliott's page character as Viktor, even while writing about season 1.
March 25, 2019 - 10:51 am
Despite my attempts to find rest in Diego's room for a while, my mind couldn't calm down. I attempted to wash away my anger in the bathroom, but seeing Klaus's 'chocolate' bar on the edge of the tub only fueled my desire to stomp on it. I didn't do it. Instead, I returned downstairs for yet another coffee. Luckily, I had purchased multiple packets, which, as I can see, Five has already partially depleted.
Once again, I find myself sitting alone at the wooden table, awaiting the brewing coffee. This dimly lit dinning room is becoming my refuge whenever I need it while staying at the Mansion, perhaps because it feels more like a home. But ironically, it's also the place where I'm most likely to encounter someone.
Suddenly there is a noise in the corridor, beyond the arch cut abruptly into the wall, which serves as a door. Light footsteps. Someone is coming. I straighten up in my chair, try to find some composure and hide my troubled mindset. Then I see someone enter who I immediately recognize. Messy dark hair, oversized black jacket, insecure look. Viktor, his keys in his hand. I turn my gaze to him. It's our first encounter. And after a few seconds of awkward silence, he clears his throat and says:
"Hello. Ah... I'm sorry, I am looking for my sheet music case. Black and grey. The size of a briefcase".
His words jolt me back to reality.
"Oh, yes. I believe I saw it next to the shopping bags over there".
I point to the place. I guess Viktor has already heard about me by now, just like Five. His face expresses no surprise at seeing me here. Looking for sheet music is a simple, everyday act that just brought me back to calm, in a few seconds.
"I'm Rin", I say, and he nods.
"I know. Pleasure to meet you".
I don't know if the pleasure is sincere, I suppose he is accustomed to wearing a poker face quite well, but I can see him trying to put on a smile. Then he moves towards the shopping bags that I mentioned, and begins to rummage through it, his hands shaking slightly. His case is there and he quickly examines it.
"Did you see anyone going through my things?"
"No, no I didn't see anyone."
Considering the presence of a paper bag on top of the case, it seems unlikely that anyone noticed it. The coffee has finished brewing. I get up and walk to the machine. I take one of the black mugs, stamped with the umbrella symbol just like almost all the tableware. They resemble nerdy collectibles, which I find slightly absurd. Obviously, Reginald Hargreeves never moved on.
"Would you like a coffee?"
Viktor hesitates, as he begins to unpack the sheet music carefully, checking if there is any sign of damage anywhere. He examines them briefly before finally nodding.
"Yes. Thank you, I would love a coffee".
I take a second mug and I pour him a good shot, then I come and sit down again at the long table, while he places his scores back in their case. His shifty gaze meets mine again and lingers there for a moment, his eyebrows furrowing imperceptibly.
"You are already exhausted after 48 hours".
It is not a question: it is an observation, and I sigh heavily. Viktor places the box further on the table and takes a seat opposite me. I sense he is a bit quiet, but still possesses fairly decent social skills.
"Yeah, I'm happy to finally meet you. Klaus mentioned you occasionally, you know.".
Everything I know about Viktor, I learned from Klaus and reading the back cover of his book. He looks down into his coffee cup and seems to be lost in deep thoughts. But after a few seconds, he responds in almost a whisper:
"He... he mentioned me?"
I shrug. Speaking his name just made me a little angry again.
"Occasionally. You know how he is, he doesn't talk much about his life. But sometimes something comes out of the blue. Especially when he's high. I think he really admires your gift for the music".
I don't know if Viktor has noticed that music does Klaus a lot of good, and perhaps it's the same for him, like for many people. Like coffee or other psychotropic drugs, music acts directly on our nervous systems. Right now, I feel that Viktor is touched to hear my words, and when he speaks again, his voice is a little louder at last.
"Oh, that's nice to hear".
He takes a sip of coffee and looks down at the table again.
"Are you a musician?"
His voice carries a curious tone this time. I notice a hint of sadness in all of his movements. Although I don't know Viktor personally, he reminds me of Klaus in some ways - a wounded good soul, constructing barriers. I can't help but blame their father. Now that the eulogy is over, I feel allowed.
"I sing a little. I like it. But I don't play any instrument. To be honest, I don't have the ability to do so. Me too, I have a great admiration for those who can".
Five would joke that I play with 'a different set of strings' and would overwhelm me with equations again. Viktor doesn't seem disappointed with my answer, although he may have hoped to meet someone who shares his passion.
"That's lovely", he says. "Your voice must be beautiful".
I laugh softly.
"I don't know, it's pretty much only my shower and Klaus who have ever heard".
Viktor smiles.
"How did you and Klaus know each other?"
As I look at him, I notice his gaze shifting. I sip my coffee too. How I met Klaus...
"It depends", I say. "There is the day we met that he remembers... and the day he doesn't".
To be honest, I'd rather not discuss the first one. Besides, I doubt Viktor would be surprised by my response since Klaus often forgets events. I take a deep breath.
"We met in police custody".
Well, that probably won't surprise Viktor either: I don't believe he has any hopes about Klaus's friends. I just hope I don't disappoint him too much. He leans back in his chair, seeming uneasy.
"Oh... Um... Why were you taken into police custody?" he finally asks cautiously, in a gentle tone. I let out a sigh.
After all, Allison and Diego know, and I have no particular reason to hide this from Viktor. I shake my head in a sheepish way.
"I don't even know what I stole or where I was caught that day. It's happened plenty of times: we used to meet there frequently, Klaus and I. And being taken into custody... it's the only thing I can't teleport away from. You know what I mean".
I glance at him and continue:
"The cops notice any escapes, and it remains on your records forever".
I feel Viktor's gaze fixed on me.
"I don't do that anymore. It's been ten years. Seriously, I don't."
Viktor nods, visibly relieved. It appears he won't delve deeper into the subject.
"What a mess", he whispers to himself, then he gazes at me with a sense of curiosity.
"Are you... are you the one who visits him in rehab?"
Oh. So Viktor is aware of this.
"Yes. When he's allowed. It's not my favorite place. And sometimes I'm unaware he was sent there. This time, for example, I didn't know anything".
I shake my head slowly.
"Even when he was diagnosed, he requested me to be the 'representative of the relatives'".
Not any of the Hargreeves. Speaking of which, I wonder if Viktor knows about his brother's diagnoses. But regardless, Klaus himself doesn't remember it either. Viktor's expression softens, revealing something indescribable.
"I think Klaus is lucky to have someone like you. For quite some time, moreover", he says, and I can genuinely feel his sincerity.
However, his face quickly becomes serious and hesitant again, hiding behind his coffee mug. It's as if he's contemplating whether he should ask something or not. Eventually, he appears to gather courage.
"If it's not too personal, um... do you happen to know if Klaus... If he's..."
He pauses for a few seconds, as if this question evoked too many of his own issues.
"Do... do you know what he's diagnosed with?"
Now he gazes at me with concerned eyes, and I return the gaze, pondering if it's appropriate to discuss it instead of Klaus himself. However, honestly, Klaus wouldn't be able to talk about something he doesn't remember, and I genuinely believe that Viktor means him no harm. I don't sip my coffee anymore and instead trace circles circles on the umbrella mug with my finger.
"Do the terms 'chronic PTSD' mean anything to you?"
Viktor listens with a focused expression, and I see that my words certainly ring a bell.
"Chronic PTSD...", he repeats as he blinks. "It refers to a type of trauma, right?"
He looks up and stares at me, but I look down to the table.
"Yeah. It stands for post-traumatic stress disorder. You know, the doctors spoke quickly, I didn't understand everything, but... well, you know how Klaus is".
Maybe there is no need for a long explanation. Even without knowing Klaus for ten years, one can observe his avoidance behaviors, recurrent recollections of unspoken bad memories, and dissociative episodes. His agitation and delusional fragility too. I rub my eyes in tiredness.
"I don't know everything. But obviously there is a part of what hurt him in the past that he has no choice but to relive again and again. The ghosts... they will never stop haunting him, and the memories as well, despite all the drugs he takes to silence them".
Viktor listens to me with a touched and serious expression. I'm certain he had doubts about everything I said, I'm sure he was extremely suspicious of all that, however hearing it from an outsider may hit harder.
"Um...", he hesitates but then decides to speak anyway.
"Maybe you should know..."
My eyebrows furrow as I notice his quickened breathing. I remain attentive, eagerly awaiting his next words, my attention focused like a tight rope.
"Our... our father... um... when we were children, he..."
I see his hand go down to his pocket and look for a small box of medicine from which he takes a tablet which he swallows without water. He struggles to utter the words, as if his throat is constricted. I give him the necessary time, without interference. I appreciate his effort, and I am determined not to close the fragile path that has opened up. Vitkor takes a deep breath.
"He used to... lock him up, for hours... days sometimes".
He keeps looking at the coffee cup, his fingers trembling slightly.
"Alone...in the dark. With 'them'"
Several seconds pass, leaving me speechless. Just like Viktor, I struggle to speak due to the lump in my throat, now.
"I see", I only manage to say.
Abruptly, I regret my outburst of anger towards Klaus earlier, and it is towards Reginald Hargreeves that my wrath is now directed. I told Klaus we had had 'very different lives'. Little did I know the extent of it.
"I'm so sorry".
And the truth is, I'm sorry for Viktor as well. I haven't read his book, I probably I should. I can imagine that growing up as an ordinary kid in that house was a different yet terrible kind of curse. His wrist doesn't have an umbrella tattoo, just like mine. Although he says nothing, his eyes convey his emotions. But then his expression closes slightly. Perhaps he doesn't want me to think he is seeking pity.
"We all have our own problems," he says, "and we have to deal with them."
In various ways and with varying degrees of success. I nod knowingly as we both sip our coffees again. I now feel completely calm, with a sense of resolution in my mind. I gaze back at Viktor.
"Klaus... that doesn't change the fact that he can be a real dickhead sometimes".
As I say that, a smile spreads across my face. Viktor can see the affection behind the insult as I call Klaus that name. He laughs, a fragile laugh, and he approves.
"An absolute pain in the ass".
His laughter fades into a sincere smile, and he gazes at me with curious eyes.
"But, you like him, don't you?"
And I can only reply:
"Yeah. It's a shame he doesn't remember how much I owe him".
I tried my best to respect the characters, including Rin. It wasn't easy, but I think this chapter is important. Rin's last sentence is not insignificant. Could there be a mystery brewing?
Chronological markers: this scene fits like a deleted scene from season 1 episode 2, around 32:25 (after Allison and Viktor's talk).
Any comment will make my day!