Disclaimer: I only own the plot and my OCs. Anything you recognize as not mine belongs to Marvel Studios, Disney, and/or their otherwise respective owners.

Author's Notes: Hi, everyone! Sorry for another bit of time before an update. This chapter gave me more issues than I was anticipating it would. Oops.

Chapter title comes from Lyin' Eyes by the Eagles.

As always, I hope you enjoy. Until the next chapter,

~TGWSI/Selene Borealis

~the heavy souls 'verse~

~life in technicolor ii~

~chapter 16: lyin' eyes~

The worst missions in that interim period from the Battle of New York to Siberia in Tony's mind had always been the ones where Steve had gotten hurt.

Even before they'd gotten together, he hadn't liked seeing the captain injured. Steve was Captain America; he was supposed to be the strongest one of them all besides the Hulk, so it had always felt like a mission where he got hurt was particularly bad, even the ones where the rest of them hadn't. But it was more than that, too: although he'd never thought it would have been possible for him to care about the person that his father had chased after like a ghost instead of raising him, Tony had quickly wound up doing so – and still did. It'd been hard for him not to. Even if they hadn't fallen in love with each other like they had, Steve was kind. He wore his heart on his sleeve and was always willing to do what he thought was right, no matter how stupid what he thought was right actually was.

Tony remembered one of those first missions the captain had gotten injured on, before HYDRA had been revealed and the shit-show that had come with it two years down the line. They'd been bringing down a human trafficking ring of mutants – people who were born with their powers because of a certain gene, unlike Steve, Natasha, Matt, Harley, and Penny. This one had been one of their top-secret missions that nobody knew to this day outside of them and the government that they'd been on, because the government was extremely insistent on keeping the existence of mutants a secret "until the time was right," whatever that meant. Besides, y'know, that HYDRA hadn't even had any files on them to have been leaked by Nat through her data dump.

Anyways, the human trafficking ring had had both mutants – and mutates too, he'd forgotten to mention them, which was what Steve and the rest were – as victims and perpetrators. One of the perpetrators had possessed super strength that was stronger than even Steve's, though probably not as strong as Penny's. When the two of them had fought one-on-one, because the rest of the team (sans Bruce, as they obviously couldn't have brought out the Green Guy for a mission as delicate as this one) had been busy, the mutant had eventually gained the upper hand. He'd thrown Steve into a wall, and the force had been so powerful that Tony had heard the CRACK! even as far away from them as he'd been. "Rogers!" he'd shouted while he'd turned around to look at them in horror.

Yeah...he'd definitely made the mutant regret the day he'd ever been born for that.

But that wasn't the point. The point was, even though Steve's injury had been minor, all things considered, a spinal cord lesion that had healed within weeks because of his enhanced healing factor, Tony hadn't been able to bear seeing him hurt – but he hadn't been able to leave his bedside, either. He'd sat himself next to Steve's hospital bed for those first few days while the captain had mostly been out of it, working on an amount of paperwork that had probably impressed Pepper. They'd broken up about a month and a half before and things had still been kind of awkward between them since then.

He'd been at Steve's bedside when he had woken up, even. "'ony?" he'd mumbled as he'd opened his eyes blearily. "What are you doin' here?"

Now, this was before they'd gotten together, albeit only by six-ish weeks – and a bit longer than that before he'd found out that Harley had been diagnosed with osteosarcoma and had his leg amputated, for reference.

Even so, Tony had been unable to stop himself from saying, even as the butterflies had fluttered around in his stomach, "What, you weren't expecting my ugly mug to be the first thing you saw upon waking up?"

Steve's eyes had widened as he'd parsed his words. "Wha'? No. Just..." he'd struggled to say.

Tony, though resisting the urge to laugh, had quickly decided to take pity on him. "Relax, Cap. I'm just joking. Somebody had to make sure that you were being watched over..."

Since then, his and Steve's relationship had been through a lot. They'd gotten together, gotten engaged, found out that Penny was his daughter and missing in that one go, and decided to parent her together once she was found. Then Siberia had happened, and now Tony couldn't really trust him anymore.

That being said, he still didn't like to see Steve hurt.

But once again, he was at Steve's bedside, albeit he had every intention of leaving before he woke up, which probably wouldn't happen for another day or so, just like Natasha. It was probably going to take Sam a few days to do the same.

Steve's face was pale and wan from underneath the oxygen mask that he was wearing, which was giving him more of the life-sustaining element as well as an antidote to the toxin FRIDAY had synthesized so that he would hopefully heal from the damage the toxic gas had caused faster. The exposure he, Nat, and Sam had endured wasn't long or bad enough for any of them to have sustained permanent injuries, but they were definitely going to be down for the count for at least a couple weeks as their bodies repaired themselves. They'd been lucky in that regard.

They, Tony included, had also been lucky that the Argentinian government had been so understanding about the necessity of ending the mission and getting his injured team members back to the States for proper care as soon as possible. Otherwise, Tony didn't know what he would have done. Probably, he would have made a fool of himself on the international level once again, leading the problems he didn't even want to think about. Getting Steve, Nat, and Sam back pretty much on his own had already been enough of a nightmare.

There were no words that could accurately describe the terror that had rushed through his system as he'd flown them back in his suit to the quinjet one by one, hooking them up to the oxygen machines that were in the aircraft, as had been FRIDAY's advice, before heading back for the States straightaway. Although his trusty AI had said his fellow teammates would most likely be okay with the lapse between exposure and treatment (he could've taken them to a hospital in Argentina, he acknowledged that, but FRIDAY had admitted that most hospitals anywhere probably wouldn't have known what to do to treat exposure to this particular toxin, much less have the antidote), he hadn't really believed her. He'd more than half-been expecting them to die before they got back to the Tower, his AI's antidote, and Helen's expert care.

Tony leaned back in the stiff hospital chair, because even with him technically owning everything in the entire MedBay, some things when it came to hospital care remained the same. He slid a hand down his face slowly, from the wrinkles he could feel ingrained on his forehead to his chin, and let out a sigh. "What am I going to do with you, Steve?" he whispered, like they were still together and he had some say in the other man's health. An opinion, even if it would be disregarded in the end.

It was easier to speak to the captain like this, when he knew that he wouldn't hear him, much less be able to reply back. It was easier to admit to the thoughts that he didn't like to acknowledge that he had.

"I know, I know. This time wasn't your fault. It wasn't any of our faults – except mine, really," he said. He snorted after he did, unable to stop himself from imagining how Steve would've reacted, had he consciously heard that statement. "I know you'd disagree, but we can agree to disagree. I'm the one that's supposed to protect you when you're busy protecting everybody else...I was, anyways."

He paused then, watching the rise and fall of Steve's chest as the supplemental oxygen helped his lungs do their job. His eyelids didn't flutter once. He was well and truly out of it.

"I wish Siberia hadn't happened," Tony acknowledged. It was the first time he had said the words out loud to anyone, at least with such simplicity. The weight of them remained in the room, but it wasn't one that the air couldn't bear. They simply represented the truth. "I wish that...I'd reigned myself in more with your friend. Bucky. He killed my mom, but...you were right, and I knew you were. It wasn't actually him. It was HYDRA. He was just the weapon that they'd aimed."

He paused again. Still the steady rise and fall of Steve's chest. Still no sign that he had defied the odds and woken up earlier, because if he did, then Tony was undoubtedly going to seem like a fool.

No, he was a fool. There was a difference.

For the first time in ages, he allowed himself to truly be brave. "I still love you. I think I always will," he said. He sighed again. "I wish that was enough. I wish I could look past the events that happened last year and go back to protecting you when you can't protect yourself. I wish that you could be here in the way that you should've been, as another father figure to Penny instead of the guy that her dad is desperately trying to ignore the fact that he still has feelings for. I wish that I could trust you with my life and hers. I wish that..." Tony faltered. He cleared his throat. "It doesn't matter. I can't do those things. I think, seeing what happened to you and Nat and Sam back at the base...seeing you now like this...it's not good for me." Funny how fast his bravery could come and go, replaced again by his cowardice, wasn't it? He shook his head.

"I'm sorry. If May's to be believed, you don't need me here, saying this shit. It probably isn't conducive to helping out your healing process. I'll just – I need to go now." He got to his feet, then headed over to the door. When Tony reached it, he stopped, but he didn't turn his head to look over his shoulder as he said, "Bye, Steve. I'll see you when you're feeling better."

. . .

. . .

(Maybe if he had, he would've noticed how the captain's eyes fluttered as he got up and left, how the fingers of his right hand gave a noticeable twitch.)

"Clint!"

"Hey, Penny," the archer said as the girl in question ran over to him. He held out his hand to her and...they went through the handshake that she did with Natasha and Matt. Huh. Tony hadn't realized that he'd also been taught it. More to the question, when had they come up with it, much less taught him it? Because unless they'd taught it to Clint over a video call, the last time he'd been here to the Tower was Christmas...

Clint squinted his eyes, looking Penny up and down. "Are you sure you're not getting taller?"

She huffed, rolling her eyes. It was the first expression of an emotion that wasn't panic, depression, or something else along those veins that Tony had seen since he and the others had come back from Argentina. It was good to see. "Still five-foot-two."

"Uh, huh," Clint went. He glared over her head at Cooper, who was sitting on one of the couches with his sister, the two siblings at opposite ends. Lila was talking with Harley animatedly, who was sitting on his and Penny's typical couch, but as for her older brother: "Coop, we just got here. Can you maybe put down the phone for five minutes?"

Clint's son let out a sigh, but he turned off his phone's screen and put it down on the coffee table. "Fine," he said.

"Teenagers," Clint muttered under his breath, just loud enough that Tony could hear him. Harley, thanks to his enhanced hearing, and Penny both made faces at this, but neither of them said anything about it. Probably because at that moment, Clint looked over at Tony. All at once, his expression became more serious than the show he'd been putting on for the kids, more solemn. "Tony, how's Nat?"

"She's fine," Tony told him. He couldn't help but notice how he sounded far calmer than he actually felt. "Matt's with her right now."

Clint nodded. He glanced down at Penny before doing the same with Harley, Cooper, and Lila. "How about you guys play some MarioKart?" he suggested.

He was unprepared for how Penny gave a mischievous smile and Harley groaned. "She's not allowed to play MarioKart! Not after the last time!" the kid exclaimed.

Clint's eyebrows furrowed. "What? Why not?"

"Because I've beaten everybody else without them winning against me once," Penny revealed.

This led to the archer chuckling. "Well, maybe an exception can be made for today. I know my kids are never one to back down from a challenge." Lila nodded at this, looking excited (and maybe a little scared) at the prospect of going up against Penny; Tony wasn't going to break it to her just how miserably she was going to lose. Cooper was much more reluctant; he sighed again as Clint looked back over at Tony and jerked his head towards the elevator. "Mind coming with me up to MedBay, Old Man?"

"Sure thing, Legolas." Tony said.

They didn't speak until the elevator went up high enough, cognizant of the two sets of enhanced ears downstairs. Clint looked at him with a scrutinizing gaze as he said, "So, how's Nat really?"

"She's fine, I told you. She, Steve, and Sam all are. I wasn't lying about that."

"Hm," Clint said. That wasn't exactly a morale-boosting response. "And how are you?"

"Uninjured," was Tony's reply. Clint let out a scoff, but he wasn't going to let the other man press further. "Please, I've already had May, Rhodey, and even my own daughter asking me that question multiple times since we've gotten back. I don't need you to do it, too. I'm not one of the ones that inhaled toxic gas on this trip."

"Alright," Clint agreed. Tony was surprised that he had so that easily, and it must've shown on his face. Clint rolled his eyes. "You have three other people worrying about you, Tony, I'm not gonna add on to them. I will let you know that I'm here for you if you want to talk about it for the next couple of days, or in general if you don't mind calling me more often, but I'll leave it at that." He hesitated, before changing the subject. "Penny's handling this better than I thought she would. She seems...better in a lot of ways than she was back at Christmas."

"She's no longer at her low point," Tony concurred. "She still has her bad days, but the therapy's been helping."

Clint clapped him on the shoulder. "That's good."

Tony gave a bitter smile. "But also, you didn't see her when we just got back the night before last."

Again, there were no words to accurately describe Penny's sobs as she'd seen Natasha in her room after Helen had given the three the go-ahead for visitors in the early hours of Saturday morning, long after Penny and Matt had gotten back from the patrol that Tony had inadvertently cut short. There were few things that could chill him to the bone so thoroughly like that, seeing her so distraught. Penny had basically cried herself to sleep at Nat's beside, and then had remained there almost all day yesterday along with Matt, only leaving for meals and to shower at Tony's insistence. The only reason why she wasn't still there, besides Clint arriving, was because Natasha had woken up this morning and basically demanded that she leave the room for some "fresh air," her voice left raspy and dry from the toxic gas.

Tony had already called Anne to ask if she could come for an emergency meeting tomorrow, that should've gone without saying. The therapist had agreed, and so had Penny. He knew she knew that she needed it.

The elevator dinged, cutting off their conversation there. "Progress doesn't happen overnight," Clint said, removing his hand from Tony's shoulder. "Or even over the course of several months. But she's getting better; that's what's important."

"Definitely," Tony said. "Come on, I'll show you where Nat's room is."

They walked through the lobby of MedBay and down the halls past it, past the rooms that Steve and Sam were staying in. Both of their doors were closed; Steve had also woken up today, but he must've fallen asleep; Sam was still out of it. Helen had said she was thinking probably tomorrow for when he woke up. Tony reminded himself that was supposed to be good news.

But the door to Natasha's room was open, so they could see her laying in the hospital bed inside, the oxygen mask having been switched out for a cannula. Matt was sitting at her bedside. She smiled weakly as she saw them appear in the doorway and walk in. "Look what...the cat dragged in," she said.

"Hey, I'm not the one that looks like shit," Clint quipped.

"You mean no more...than usual?"

"That's no fair. I come all this way to your bedside, and you just bully me," Clint complained.

Natasha looked like she wanted to laugh her ass off as the two of them shook hands, but that clearly wasn't the best of things for her to do right now. She glanced at Tony. "How's...Penny?"

"A little better now. Clint had the great idea of honoring his kids up as sacrifice for her in MarioKart," Tony told her.

Now, Nat did laugh, unable to stop herself. She was coughing pretty much as soon as she did, causing Matt to reach out and grab her hand. It was an action that did not go unnoticed by Clint, but he didn't comment on it. "Sorry, sorry," she apologized after the fit was almost completely over. She cleared her throat.

"You don't have to apologize for anything," Clint dismissed her. He sat down opposite of Matt. Tony sat down next to Clint.

Natasha made a face. "'Wouldn't go...that far."

Tony, Clint, and Matt all hung out with her for a while, Clint telling them all stories about the happenings of Iowa that made Nat chuckle and then descend into a coughing fit a couple more times. It was clear as the time wore on that she was in more and more need of rest, because she had only just woken up today. So Clint's presence in the room only lasted forty-five minutes or so before he said his goodbyes to her for now, since he and his kids would be staying for a couple of days, and made his leave. Matt went along with him.

Tony intended to do the same, but before he could, Natasha was saying, "Wait."

He looked down at her. Like Steve, he didn't like seeing her like this, even if the pain was more easier to bear. She was like his sister: she wasn't the one physically the strongest of them all, as mentally was perhaps a whole 'nother story, but she wasn't supposed to be fragile like she looked now, either. Most of all when he felt like the reason why was his fault.

"Yeah, Nat?" Tony asked, getting back into his seat.

Natasha's green eyes, even with the deep bags underneath them, a sign that she really needed to be getting her rest, were penetrating. "Have you...seen Steve since...he woke up?"

Damn. She knew how to read him without even trying.

He attempted to deflect. "I saw him yesterday."

He didn't know if Matt or FRIDAY had told her, although one of them probably had, or if this was just another example of her being able to see through him so thoroughly. "So...you haven't. You should."

Tony knew that he should. Yesterday, though...it had rubbed him raw. He sighed. "He's probably sleeping right now, like you should be." He clapped one of her legs over the blankets that were pulled up to her waist, which made her smile, but nothing more. "His door was closed when Clint and I came up here."

"You could check," Natasha insisted. "Or have FRIDAY...check for you."

"Steve is asleep," FRIDAY reported dutifully. She was listening in on them. Of course she was. Tony shouldn't have expected any less from one of his own creations.

Natasha casted her eyes towards the ceiling. "Hmm...later, then."

"If he wakes up," Tony felt like he had to say. And it was awful of him, but he was hoping that the captain wouldn't. Not until tomorrow, at least."

"'If' he does," Nat agreed.

Tony, abruptly, was frustrated. More frustrated at somebody laying in a hospital bed than he should've been, whether they were Natasha or not. "Why do you want me to talk with him so bad, Nat? Why do you want us to get back together?"

"I've told you...before," she said: "I want you to be happy. You haven't...been happy in a long time, Tony. Long before I met you. But...you were happy with Steve."

...He couldn't deny that, any of that. His history of mental health issues – depression, alcoholism, and drug abuse – had been well-documented by the tabloids over the years before he'd went sober. Honestly, if it wasn't for Penny and how he knew he had to be reliable for her, the tabloids probably would've gone back to doing that. He wouldn't be surprised if that was the case in an alternate universe, if they existed.

Natasha took his silence for what it was. She changed the subject, a tired but mischievous smile playing at her lips. "Do you remember...when we first met?"

"You mean when you pretended to be Natalie Rushman?" he retorted. He couldn't stop himself from teasing, "You were a pretty good PA...for Pepper."

"You knew...something was up with me from the start."

"I did," he acknowledged. He wagged a finger. "But I didn't know what. You were pretty good at that."

Natasha's smile widened. "You were the first person...'n a long time...to see me for me, besides Clint. It was...nice. You're like him, Tony. You're my brother."

Tony had never seen her this mushy before. Belatedly, he realized that it had to be because of the pain meds to help her deal with the clusterfuck going on in her lungs. She was going to be right as rain again in a few days and probably threaten to kill him if he spoke to anybody about this conversation.

For now, though, her eyelids were drooping. She was trying to fight it, but she wasn't going to be able to do so for much longer. "Get some sleep, Nat," he said. "You need it."

Surprisingly, she acquiesced to his command, closing her eyes. "'Mise you'll talk with Steve?" she asked.

His mouth went dry. "If he wakes up again today, I will," he said.

She didn't respond, falling back asleep.

And thankfully for him, both she and Steve remained out of it for the rest of the day.

Word Count: 3,955

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