Galvanizing Emotion

by Uictoriam Ducere

Charlie has been called many things in his life. A criminal, a thug, and now a deadman. Awakening in a world filled with headache inducing magic ponies who drive him crazy was the last thing he expected. He must now learn to keep his temper in check to stay on their good side as they are the only ones who can bring him home. Being murdered though, makes that kind of difficult… AU

20. Act 1: O' Holy Night

Ducere here,

just wanted to say there may be an addition to this chapter if I can't fill another chapter's worth of words for the next. The reason being is I really don't want a chapter longer than 20,000 words and I've got like 10,000 more words to write to finish this arc and it doesn't feel like it belongs here, but we'll see I'll rewrite this little update and reupload the chapter so those with notifications can see it if that is the case.

Sorry for any confusion here because of that, it's just this scene below went a little longer than I had expected. A projected 5,000 word scene turned into a 15,000. lol.

Alright, that's enough out of me love you guys and stay safe. The world is getting crazy.

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Chapter 20: O' Holy Night

"To err is human, to forgive, divine."
-Alexander Pope

All I felt was my labored breathing as my shoulders rose and fell while looking down at the small dragon, who now stared up at me wide eyed from my unintentional outburst though he wasn't alone.

Twilight, who was one more sentence away from tearing me and the little shit apart, had backed away a little with a genuine shock and a loud gasp like her world had been turned upside down. She had only stopped when she had bumped into a mannequin behind her making the lavender unicorn and the dummy tumble to the ground. Rarity wasn't too far behind the librarian as it seemed she was going to assist her when the yelling between me and Spike had gotten worse. Her measuring tape and many tailoring tools she had held with her magic clattered to the ground around her, as she too now joined her friends in the uneasy bombshell.

The only one who I couldn't seem to figure was Rainbow Dash. In an instant, she had flung herself towards me and was standing behind the baby drake that just screamed that an incoming fight was about to commence, but the thing I just couldn't make out was the reason her head was cocked, and a broadness of confusion takes her features. The room now holds a loud silence between us all that allowed me time to really grasp what I had just said and how deep the wound it laid into me was.

I-I didn't mean to say that, it j-just came out on its own! I must have remembered one of our last arguments back home and it just slipped out! Goddamn it! Why the hell did I have to go and-

"Wally…" A quiet voice mouses out in front of me causing my eyes to snap down to see the dragon take a cautious step closer, "Wally's your brother? You have a brother?"

Hearing him say that to me caused in influx of emotions that I hadn't felt in some time to slap me at once and none of it was particularly good. My eyes clamp shut, and my fists squeeze to point they can turn coal into diamonds to keep myself composed, but it wasn't because of anger…

It was… something else… something a lot worse.

"Charlie? Are you-" Is all the dragon was able to get out before I barreled past him and the pegasus towards the door to burst through it and into the cold.

I don't know where I was going, but I sure as shit wasn't going to stay there especially after fuckin' that. Soon enough, my feet crunched underneath the snow, and I was heading… somewhere. Just someplace to sit alone to think. Thankfully no one decided to follow me or if they did, they lost me as I wandered around the neighborhood absentmindedly as I thought long and hard about my next move.

I sure as shit wasn't going to the fuckin' library because I just knew that would be the first place those geeks would come to look for me so that's a no go. Certainly wasn't going to the farm, the last thing I fuckin' need is for Winona to wait for the peanut butter on me all goddamn night. I could go to Fluttershy's but it's halfway across town and then Angel would no doubt steal my wallet while I'm sleeping so there's that out the window.

As I'm brainstorming and wandering around aimlessly through the falling snow I just stop as my brain fries itself and rub my face with my bone chilled hands.

Fuckin' Spike! Making me answer all his fuckin' questions all the time! What's it to him to fuckin' know my shit anyhow! I don't owe him anything! Making me bring up the past like it's so Goddamn easy to fuckin' talk about. Even still, he's the last fuckin' person I want to go down memory lane let alone to appease the rest of the mental rejects curiosities and you already know that's the least of my fuckin' concerns at the moment.

The truth is, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing anymore.

I'm just waiting. Waiting here like a jackass to fuckin' go back home. I've got one thing left and I've got to wait for what seems like forever before that can happen. That's what's killing me and it's just getting worse and worse as the day's pass and seasons change. It's already been half a year and now my days are split between hallucinating shit that's not there like Dylan and Pee Wee, and the rest I just take it up the ass from life.

The ponies, Bill killing me, this fuckin' mark, Hearing shit that ain't there, Wally…

When my hands lower, I sigh in exasperation and shut my eyes, "Why the fuck couldn't I have just stayed dead? Things would have just been better off that way. It was my fuckin' time to go and now I'm here with absolutely nothing!"

When my rant finishes and I'm just standing in the desolate street alone, a flash of something bright shines into my eyes and catches my attention causing me to look over to see the ruins of the Sugarcube Corner taunting me with the refracting light of the hanging cupcake sign as it swings in alone in the wind. The for-sale sign sat beneath it was now covered with snow only showing a couple of the strange letters that was so vibrant only a few hours previously. A reminder of what I had seen between the Cake's and Filthy in the Mayors office and how the bakers will be rid of the property come Tuesday without any hope of keeping it.

And now here I am, looking at the Ponyville monument to my sins so to speak.

I snort, indifferent to the scene itself, "Now it's here to rot until that rich asshole tears it down." I point an angry finger at the building, "You're the one who started this shit! Getting me angry! Giving me the mark! Making me a glorified bag of sugar to be borrowed by every fuckin' howdy doody neighbor in town! Making me miserable you fuck! Now look at you! Alone, abandoned."

A gust of wind makes the structure creak in response to my insults, and I heave a sigh knowing my words are wasted.

I wrap the quilt tighter around me and look up at it once more with my hard look softening, "No more pastries coming out of you though, that's for sure. No more fuckin' bakers either for that matter…"

That comment festers in me for a moment and then it makes my eyebrows lift some as an idea of where to hide my pasty white ass hits me. A place where I can simmer down alone and it's looking at me. Where no one should be around here to snoop, especially with that pageant and the holiday on full blast. On the plus side, who the fuck would even look in here to begin with? There're no such thing as fuckin' looters in this world or as far as I can tell for that matter so it's literally perfect. Not to mention it's right in front of me and not across town somewhere.

My decision was made for me by a chilling breeze smacking me, so I start to head over to enter the building to hopefully get some peace and quiet. The makeshift door, being a piece of plywood, was quickly pulled over and my icicle'd asshole was thrown inside in an instant. Though, my first thought was it honestly felt even colder inside than out when the 'door' was returned to its rightful wind blocking spot.

I turn around and my jaw kind of drops at what I see scattered around the empty room that certainly wasn't there before.

All over the main floor, that was now spotless thanks yours truly, was a stand in warehouse for all the building materials you'd ever need to build a house. There were lumber of all varying shapes and sizes, piles of plywood/sub flooring, drywall stacked neatly in the middle of the main floor, a multitude of paint buckets spread around stacked on top of one another, an assortment of pre-built windows leaning against a wall, and a small section of tools for every conceivable thing that would need to be done to this shithole to get it back and running though they all looked like manual ones. No fuckin' Milwaukee vs Dewalt supremacy arguments will happen here in this shit world, that much I do know.

Where the fuck did all this shit come from? It sure as shit wasn't here the last time I wandered around… The conversation I had with the pink menace on the farm resurfaces in my mind.

"The construction supplies they ordered almost bankrupted them and now they can't afford the crews to come in to finish so they're stuck."

Oh… Oh yeah, I forgot. Fuckin' Celestia fucked them up the ass with their compensation so there goes that whole plan for them, I guess. Greedy cunt. Apparently, they were trying to get this place back up and running like that wasn't going to be a money pit of an idea at all. This fuckin' place is beyond destroyed, it would cost more to repair it than to just tear the damn thing down and just start over.

I mean, I wouldn't say impossible just very difficult.

The main beams are misaligned now so the structural integrity of the building is compromised and honestly should be condemned. Well actually now that I'm looking at it, you could easily set up some jacks and shift them over but without them it wouldn't be- Oh hey would you look at that! I do see a pair of some funky lookin' industrial jacks laying there in the back. They're crude looking, but hey beggars can't be choosers, I guess.

"Huh, maybe this can be salvaged if you got the right people… Hell, I could fuckin' do it if I really wanted to. It wouldn't be that hard if-" I shake my head at the thought and scowl at all the damage. "It's not my fuckin' problem and it's going to stay that way."

The chill hits me once more and decide if I'm going to squat out here then I'd at the very least be fuckin' comfortable. The cobblestone fireplace on the other side of the room was mostly intact, minus a few missing stones and the mantle being off kilter a tad. Well, it's not off by much but it's definitely noticeable. One of the pegs probably snapped and physics is the only thing keeping it up. All you'd need to do is reset the level of it and screw some new holes, then when that's all done just add some caulk to get rid of the seem. Maybe in this case some mortar because of the-

I shake my head again, "Not. My. Problem." it leaves my mouth like acid as I walk closer, "I'm just going to fuckin' hide here for a while then fuckin' leave when I've had enough me time, and that's that. Stop thinking, brain, before I fuckin' lobotomize you."

Finding timber to burn in a literal construction zone wasn't difficult at all as you could imagine and a small pile of dry wood was stacked in the fire box ready to be lit. I needed something to start the flame and I cursed the sky that I hated smoking back home as a lighter would have been my saving grace.

Having to scrounge through the pile of tools to find matches or something flammable was annoying, but it was better than sitting still. In a toolbox filled with all kinds of pristine goodies that would have made Mr. Campbell cream his overalls was a lighter that kind of looked like, I don't know, I guess a flash bang? It was cylindrical in shape and made of brass with a flip cap on the top. It made that satisfying zippo sound when I pushed it over and underneath was a, what do you know, a wick and a striker for a flame. With a small test, I stuck the wick and a small flickering light appeared making me give off a satisfied sigh.

"It's about time something went right for a change…" I mutter as I walk back over to the fireplace.

With this new tool in hand, I used a draw knife that was also nearby to make little wood shavings for kindle and with the lighter bada bing bada boom, a roaring fire was now enveloping the room. Using the lighter, I lit candles and lanterns that were laying around to give the dark room some light. Then I huddled close enough to the fireplace to lose my eyebrows, but I didn't really give a fuck because my hair was already in tatters and warmth was a lot higher on my list of importance than my fuckin' mop you call hair. Between fuckin' months of not washing or brushing it, a rampaging pegasus barber giving me an artificial bald spot, and third degree burns it's a miracle I have a head of hair at all.

As I was sitting there, cocooned in my quilt eating up the small sun I had summoned, an open paint that was resting nearby can grabbed my attention not because it was paint but because it looked like it was fuckin' filled with this clear gelatin type shit. It looked like wet acrylic with all the tiny bubbles floating around but it just doesn't look right. I've painted my fair share of houses back in the day and I've never seen anything like it.

The words on the broad side of the can were gibberish, but nonetheless I pulled it closer and stuck a bare finger in to see if I could identify it. To my surprise it actually felt like paint. Maybe it was this clear coat shit or something…

I rub it between my two fingers as I stare at it intently and I snort, "At least it isn't some abysmal migraine inducing hot pink or obnoxious yellow like the rest of the town loves so fuckin' much. God I just can't fuckin' stand the color pallet of these ponies, dude, they all-"

Just as I said that the clear paint sparkled much like when Twilight's magic grabs onto something and changed hue to a hot pink very reminiscent to a certain party mare, then quickly changed to sunshine yellow just like the shirt I was wearing.

"Da fuck?" Is what leaves my mouth as I inspect the weird liquid some more, "Did that… No, it can't be…"

I squint at the hot pink colored substance and visualize the baby blue that covered my bronco back home and after a moment, the paint sparkles once more and, what do you know, it changes exactly to the color of my memory in disturbing detail. Huh, magic fuckin' paint. As much as I'd love to tear this apart by the seams and tell you how bullshit it is, this actually would have been a game changer back home. No hours upon hours of staring at a wall of colors to pick the right one, all you'd need to do is just blink and voila.

I shake my head incredulously as I rub the paint between my fingers imagining the rainbow of colors, "snirk Mr. Cambell would have a seizure of excitement if he'd seen something like this. That man loved wood, but boy did he fuckin' hate paint."

When I say that the paint turns to a grayish-white that resembled bargain bin Santa Claus' white beard that was pretty much the man's calling card.

"Ah what am I saying that man couldn't hate a fly let alone something to do with his craft. That man lived and breathed carpentry."

The memory of the jolly man makes me frown as I look around at all the tools and wood in a kind of nostalgic walk down memory lane. After I had left Wellington's the system just kind of moved me around from facility to facility across the country each one doing everything in their power to get rid of me as fast as possible. You can say what you want about that fuckin' school but they at least knew how to handle little crazy Charlie, though it's pretty much their fault I turned out the way I did. Anyways, when the building hopping thing failed the powers that be really put together their wits to figure out what to do with the wild boy from the then defunct Wellington's.

That's when Mr. Campbell walked in. Quite literally.

That thought made me realize it's been over 10 years since I'd last seen him. That day when Bill found me was the last time, we'd looked at each other and it sure didn't have a happy ending.

I give off a tired sigh as I watch the fire crackle and pop, "…I wonder how he's doing or if he's even still alive… It's been so long since we stole the Bronco from him…"

CRASH

The sound of an explosion of pots and pans falling to the ground in the kitchen halts my memory as I look over to the doorway. A lid to a pan comes rolling out alone and clatters as it hits the counter across the room, it wobbles for a second like a rolled coin and then comes to a complete rest making the room eerily quiet with the exception of some small clangs of metal from the origin of whatever the hell that was all about.

My look hardens as I wipe paint onto my paints and get up to go investigate just who had disturbed my respite. I find a clawed hammer on the way over just in case this goes as sour as I imagine and swing it to test the weight. It could literally be anyone or anything in here and I ain't taking chances, consequences be damned.

I ain't getting bushwhacked in here no way, no how. Thems be the squatters rule out on these streets, you hear me!

When I cross the threshold of the door, the hammer readies like a baseball bat and I gaze around to find the trespasser who wasn't me. I was only ever inside the kitchen once and it was when I sabotaged my own Pinkie Party all those months ago, but for the most part it looked the same as it did then.

There was a long dark wooden counter for preparing any and all pastries/candy and along the sides were painted engraving's of said treats such as candy canes and lollipops. Along the back wall was a pretty standard array of a Ponyville kitchen all painted turquoise with girly ass stencils on them for whatever reason. The only thing that was indeed different was the massive industrial looking baker's oven in the back. The thing had more racks to house pans than you could count, but with how many pastries this place used to crank out that's not really that surprising.

For the most part it seemed that the kitchen was pretty much unharmed from my rampage. There really wasn't anything broken in here with the exception of that gigantic pile of metal kitchenware by an open cupboard with a broken shelf hanging by a string essentially. I definitely know this wasn't fuckin' here before and considering some of the pots were moving somewhat told me that this fuckin' intruder was indeed hiding in them.

I step closer with the hammer over my head as the pots and pans jumble a little, giving off rings of clanging metal.

"Hey!" The pots stop for a second, "Whoever you are I'm fuckin' armed and I'm reeeeeaaaaallly ready to bathe in your fuckin' blood so come out while I still think I'm sparkling clean!"

The pile doesn't move making me scowl at it as I take another step.

"I'm not fuckin' playing with you! Either come on out or-"

"HOWDY, MR. HATES-A-LOT!"

The head of a certain pink menace pops out like a jack-in-the-box rather suddenly and I let loose a very, very, very, very manly scream. I can't emphasize how manly it was, so you're definitely going to have to take my word for it.

The pink pony shakes her head as her eyes roll around like loose change and she looks back and forth between the pile and the shelf, "Oh tartar sauce! I should have known that shelf wasn't going to hold all of that weight but oh well!"

The hammer clatters to the ground as I hold onto my chest and bend over from being startled and take a deep breath of air before looking up at her, "What the absolute fuck are you doing here, Pinkie Pie!?"

She turns to me as she hops out of what was her potted prison with many clangs and bangs and gives me that trademark crazy eyed look the mare was known for, "Weeeeeeeeeeeeelllll I was on my way back from spying on you in town so I can plan that cookout you need to get all better."

I blink at her and then scowl, "How many times do I have to tell you I don't fuckin' need a-"

"Then you walked into the Mayor's office after you left the library in a hurry and for the pink on my flank, I couldn't get those meany panted guards to let me in." She rubs her chin like she didn't understand something, "I don't get it. I offered them cupcakes and everything and they told me to go take a hike! In winter! Can you believe that!?"

"Maybe it's because you're an actual menace to society you fuckin' insane, certifiable, piece of-"

"Then after I couldn't get in the normal way, I was in the middle of scaling the building to reach the roof when the Cake's walked out. Then…" Her happy, almost supernatural in nature, cheerfulness shrinks just like her hair, "…Then they told me they were selling on Tuesday and its final…"

I look down at her with almost contempt, "That doesn't exactly answer my fuckin' question now does it. What the fuck does that have to do with you pretending you're Casper the friendly ghost back here."

She looks up at me still kind of down and then around the kitchen, "I had a plan to bake the biggest cake this town had ever seen to give to Filthy so maybe he'd change his mind about the sale. I don't know what else to do so that was my last little huzzah I guess."

I roll my eyes as I light a candle that was sitting on the counter to give us some light, "You're a fuckin' genius, that definitely would have worked." I spit out like sarcastic venom.

She perks up some more, "I know! It really would have changed that meanies mind for sure! Nopony can resist my sweets! They're too tantalizing to resist!"

I groan at her inability to comprehend sarcasm, "Alright, if that's your grand master plan then why aren't you baking then, Pillsbury doughhorse? You have a whole fuckin' kitchen at your disposal and the only thing you've done is make snow angels in the pans."

She looks at the oven and she droops some more, "I… I don't have the money for the things I need to do it. Something about astuuuuuuupid holiday tax has made everything way too expensive especially since I've been kind of out of work for a while."

Oh… Oh yeah, it's not just Twilight the Mayor is coming after. The rest are being targeted too.

"When I couldn't get what I needed I just kind of sat around for a little bit waiting for something, I guess. Then I heard all that ruckus in the other room, so I hid in the cupboard thinking it was icing bandits!" she looked at the pile and the broken cabinet, "You know how well that turned out…"

She looks over at a wall holding some pictures of the Cake's and some with Pinkie herself doing an assortment of things from juggling to being dressed like that chicken, enjoying many recognizable holiday's, along with some very creepy looking ones that were pics of the rest of the pony patrol through what looked like bushes.

God, she really is a freak… Wait, is that a picture of me by the library? And why is it from an aerial view? What the fu-

"This is my home… and I just… I don't know, I guess I just wanted to say goodbye before I left to go back to my parents rock farm." She looked like she was about to cry upon looking at the frames as she lowers even more, "forever…"

I blink at that, and I cock my head, "Wait, your parents farm? You're fuckin' leaving town? Like getting lost? Hitting the road? Not letting the door hit you on the way out?"

She lowers with each question and solemnly nods leaving me to stare at her blankly.

Huh… I already know what you're thinking; that this is the part where I start bouncing with joy at the prospect of 1 down 5 to go and I don't blame you for thinking that either. I've been waiting for something like this to happen since I fuckin' got here and now that it's here I don't really feel… anything. Well, I do feel one thing, but I really don't know how to place it.

And even worse it seems the Mayor's plan is working… I think that's what's suppressing the urge to break out into a song and dance, Broadway style. That cunt is getting exactly what she wants.

She raises her head to look at me with a cocked eyebrow, "I know why I'm here, but what about you? What are you doing here then? I thought you saw this place as an eyesore and that you-"

Her eyes widen like saucers, and I swear I heard the sound of glass breaking as she did so while gasping for an incredibly long time making me wince.

"You're not here for what I think you're here for, are you!?" She screeches at the top of her lungs as she bounds over like a rabbit and bounces like one of the crusaders.

"What the actual fuck are you talking about?" She starts talking like someone was fast forwarding a VHS tape which was unintelligible so I put my annoyed hand on her head causing her to stop, "Run that by me again, this time a lot fuckin' slower so I can understand you this time!"

She then starts doing what she did before but this time in slow motion like she was in a lead in the Matrix. Even without wings, she was able to glide down to floor as she bounced. Again, I couldn't understand what the fuck she was saying.

"Where the fuck is that hammer…" I muse as I really consider bashing my own brains in, so I don't have to subject myself to this MK Ultra torture method anymore. "TALK NORMALLY!"

She seems to calm herself down from whatever the fuck that was and she shakes her head and looks up at me, "The only reason you'd be here is that you're going to fix the place up so it's sparkling at new!" She jumps up and hugs my chest while still vibrating with joy, "YIPPPEEEE!"

I can't even be surprised that this would be her conclusion, she is delusional after all.

"Get the fuck off me, now." She does as she's told and looks at me with her bright smile with her hair returning to its nauseating curly form, "I already told you; I'm not doing shit for the Cake's!"

Her brow falls together, and she cocks her head, "But there's no other reason why you're here silly!"

I wipe my face, "I'm here because I thought it would have been empty and that I could have gone a whole 20 minutes without a fuckin' pony driving me up the wall! Look how well that turned out!"

She thinks my words over, but I can tell she's not really hearing what I'm saying, "Well, since you're here already, would it be asking too much to do a teensy weensy tiny little fix-er-upper?"

"Abso-fuckin'-lutley YES it would be too much! This place is a fuckin' dump!" I point out the door to the main floor, "Do you know how long it would take me to make this place good as new by my-fuckin'-self? Too fuckin' long even though I know what I'd be doing."

She bouncers her brow and gives me a smirk, "But you could do it by yourself if you had to is what you're saying."

"No, that's not-" I grumble as I try to find out how to word my next sentence and I talk to her softly as I know yelling isn't going to get me anywhere, "Pinkie Pie, read my lips; I ain't the guy for the job and that's that. Find someone else if you want to save this place because I'm not doing it."

She seems to finally be getting what I'm putting out, "But-but there's nopony else who has the nohow and would do it without pay! You're literally the last home to save the bakery!"

"I'm not saving shit understand?! Don't you get it yet! It's not who I am!" I pace a little as I start to yell, but it feels like I'm no longer talking to Pinkie pie. "I don't save things, I destroy them! I break them! I'm not some fuckin' walking in the flesh messiah and I'll never be one! You hear me!? This is just who I am and there will be nothing else! We don't fuckin' change!"

With my little rant being over, I gaze over to see Pinkie Pie looking absolutely defeated in mind and spirit. She looks up at me, "…Why do you think ponies can't change? I see Ponies change every day and why do you think you're so different? If you just tried maybe, you can too…"

"Ponies…" I give an exasperated laugh and hold onto my head, so my sanity doesn't escape. "Pinkie Pie, for the last time I ain't a goddamn pony. I don't know what makes you tick, but you all do things that just don't make any sense to me and I'm not talking about how you defy the laws of nature every day. How can you be so fuckin' open to the idea that anyone can be better? Even the worst of the worst like myself? I'm the same person I am here that I was back home and I ain't planning on changing that."

She actually looks like she gets angry at me for saying that and she steps closer with determination, "I think you're just lying, and you just can't see it. You can change for sure."

"LYING!?" Is what screams out as I hear it. "I am not fuckin' lying!"

She crosses her hooves with a stubborn stance, "Liar liar pants on fire, Mister."

"How's this for a fuckin' lie then?! I ain't sorry for a single wrong thing I've ever done in my miserable life! I've hurt people! I've hurt people bad and I fuckin' liked it! I was fuckin' good at it!" I shake my head and look at the ceiling out of frustration, "I'm not even sorry for destroying your home. When I found out that I had done it, I danced a fuckin' jig in my own mind in fact. That's how elated I was! So why? I fuckin' wronged you in the worst way possible and you still think there's something in this husk of a soured and bitter human to save!? I just don't get it! Why go through the trouble of watching me day in and day so you can throw me a party I'll just end up hating anyways! Why!?"

Throughout my rant, not once did she back down or look scared and finally she opened her mouth with a sense of seriousness I hadn't seen on the mare before, "I've been spying on you for the better part of a month, and do you know what I learned in that time?"

"That you need a straight jacket and I need a restraining order?"

"I learned that you're not fighting everypony around you." She jabs a hoof into my stomach, "You're fighting yourself and everypony is just caught in the crossfire. You sometimes do things that are… bad. Like the bakery, how you treat us, your general attitude, how you dress, ugh don't even get me started on the smell… It's like if a whoopee cushion was filled with sewage and everywhere you sat it followed you."

"Pinkie…" I growl out as a warning not liking where this conversation is heading.

She puts her hooves on her hips and stands on her hinds, "What? It's the truth, isn't it? But to be fair I can't say all of that without some of the good you do around here! Like what you did for Winona at the farm, Ditzy with her cute adorable little hat and Scootaloo for her pageant. You even helped Fluttershy with her little song and dance she's got to do tonight not mentioning when you saved her from that big bad cabinet that tried to eat her!"

"How the fuck do you know about all of that! You weren't even there for most of it!" I scream at her.

She sticks up a hoof that screamed for me to halt, "I'm flattered but now is not the time for compliments on my hide and seek abilities!"

I sputter out broken words, but nothing to actually make out a comprehensible sentence.

She continues when I fall silent due to her psych-ward tier behavior, "When you were talking to Fluttershy the other night, you started to open up about how you feel. About yourself and others… But then for some reason you clammed up and beat yourself up over it afterwards! How can you have so much good inside you and spend every waking moment making sure it can't get out? Its just crazy crazy crazy and that's me saying that!"

I don't give her an answer because I don't have one to give.

She smiles and shrugs, "I might not have Twilight's smarts or Applejack's fortune cookie wisdom or even Fluttershy's soft kindness, but I know when I see a good pony and inside you somewhere there definitely are. It's playing a great game of hide and seek I'll give you that much. Might even break my own record at this rate," she giggles as she says that, but then her look hardens and she jabs me with a hoof, "But you better knock it off or else I'll have to do something drastic! My record of four months, two weeks, three days, 12 hours, 45 minutes, and 23 seconds will hold, and I'll stake all my sprinkles on that!"

It takes me a minute to think of a response as my mind mulls over what she had said, "Why the fuck do you even care anyways? I don't even know you! What the fuck have I done for you huh?"

She positively gleams, "Nothing!"

"…"

She laughs at what I assume is my beyond befuddled face, "You don't have to do anything for me to want to care, silly! I will always care about my friends! Maybe it's a little hard some day's when you're a little more Charlie like, but in the end I care. The same might not be said about you, but for me, Twilight, Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy, and Rainbow we all don't expect anything." her mouth purses like she remembered something, "Well, maybe not Rainbow, you really wronged her, but you get me right?"

I roll my eyes as I pull over a stool and sit down, "Yeah, bring up that cunt, that's sure to win me over." I wrap the quilt tighter around me as I look at her, "So, you care. Big fuckin' whoop. What does that change exactly."

She bites her lip like she was thinking, "I don't-I'm not going to pretend to understand where ya came from because if a world made you hate parties and streamers as much as you do then it can't be any good. I mean, what kind of pony gives out hoof sandwiches as a birthday present like at yours!" She punches my leg playfully, "and that's why I'm so determined to throw you this party/jamboree/cookout thingy so that maybe you can start to understand that maybe you don't have to be so mean all the time. That maybe being around better ponies might cheer you up! That maybe… maybe coming here was a good thing."

My eye twitch hearing that, "…A… good thing…"

"Hmmm hmm!" She nods her head enthusiastically and I swear I hear her brain bounce around as she does so. "Now I hope it's not permanent because I know how much you want to go home, but at the very least you could have some fun before you go back. And then when you get back to your friends and family you can tell them how amazing your coma dream was or whatever you'll tell them."

"Friends and family…" I grumble out as I take in her optimistic features some more and she nods her head again. "I don't have any friends or family, Pinkie…" I mutter out bitterly.

She cocks her head at that, and her ears fall flat, "You don't-" She shakes her head like she can't believe it, "Then why do you want to go home so bad? You can literally have everything you'd ever want right here!"

"Because there's something I need to do," I say aloud as I look at my hands and imagine them strangling the life out of Bill, "Just one little thing and it's over…"

"Over? What's over? I hope not the party…" She muses and she looks at me funny as she looks at my hand. "Owwie! that looks like it hurts!"

"Huh?" I follow her gaze to the appendage that's black and blue from my assault on that tree that had it coming. "Oh… yeah, it doesn't tickle, but you get used to it…" her mouth twists in disgust hearing that. "What?"

"How can you get used to pain? I get used to parties, cake, candy, sleeping in, spying on you, the number eight, but never pain!" She looks at me with a bright smile, "Ooh ooh is it like a superpower! Are you indestructible?! No wait, you blew up, never mind. Maybe your power is to be semi-indestructible!" She frowns as she taps her chin, "Wait, I think that's an oxymoron… Well, you're plain destructible then with extra steps. Big steps like you were climbing a mountain! That's it! I'll call you, Mr. Mount-Destructible! It's the perfect name for an almost unbreakable pony hero like you!"

I guffaw at her scatterbrain and shake my head, "God, you need a handful fuckin' Ritalin to calm that noodle of yours down pronto. It might actually be an emergency at this rate with how you're bouncing off the walls all the fuckin' time."

"Ooh I know lots of those! Hold on let me think." She announces proudly making me cock my head at her, not really understanding what she meant by that. "Every time you blow me, I get bigger and tighter when you wrap your lips around my head. What am I?"

I blink at her in a stunned stupor of that random naughty sentence, "…W-what?"

"A balloon!" She explodes out the answer and starts giggling as she falls over, "Get it? A balloon? HA! That never gets old! I love riddles!"

I stare at her blankly for quite a moment as I watch her bellow with laughter below me completely unaware that she had misunderstood me about the attention meds that she should be popping like candy.

No grimace, narrowed eyes, or even a groan could be heard from me as I watch her silently lose herself to her own jester routine when all of a sudden, I feel an uncharacteristic, amused snort leave me. The joke she made was beyond stupid but for some reason it tickled me in a way that I couldn't describe. Then soon after, I feel my lips curve upwards towards the sky and quiet small gusts of air blow out my nose as my shoulders bounce a tad. That soon turns into a small innocent chuckle sounding off in the quiet kitchen and then finally I crack fully with a boisterous laughter that roars out of me which I hadn't felt in what seemed like years.

It wasn't a laugh of negativity nor was it sarcastic or demeaning to somebody but a genuine bout of enjoyment. The tear I had to wipe away in the middle of it said it all. We both just giggled and laughed like morons for a considerable amount of time before it died down to tired tremors of snickering and the cold wind outside picking up its pace.

I don't know why that tickled me so much, maybe it was because her absurdity had finally got me, maybe it I had finally lost my mind, or possibly I too deep-down love riddles.

When she calmed herself down enough to function, she looks at me with a soft smile and a sort of admiration, "You know, I almost gave up hope that you had that in you…"

I cock an eyebrow at that, "Had what in me?"

She gleams as she nudges me with her snout, "A sense of humor! Everypony needs to have one…"

"I have a sense of humor…" I mutter as I see that the room had grown darker due to the sun setting.

She hurumpfs upon hearing that, "Not the good kind! Kicking puppies is not something to laugh about!"

I tap her with my boot, "Hey, I'll have you know the sound they make when you punt them across a field is beyond hilarious. It's like a weird kind of trumpet tooting."

"Like this one?" She pulls a trumpet out of nowhere and plays a high crooked note that was exactly what I had been describing.

"Are you sure you're actually real?" I ask as I contemplate how deep her nonexistent pockets were.

"As really real as a realed realer reals!" She gleams and she sticks her tongue out.

I snort again as I stretch my legs then stand up, "Whatever you say, sister."

I look over at a crooked clock that was barely hanging onto the wall that read well past the time for the paegent. As a matter of fact, it was close to 8-o-clock at night which didn't seem right to me as it hadn't felt like I'd been here that long.

"What time does that play end?" I ask her tiredly.

"Hmm? Well, it's normally only a couple hours," She looks at the clock and her eyes widen a little, "Oh! It looks like we missed it already! Hehe time flies when you're having fun I guess…"

I deadpan her and silently sight, "Mmhmm sure, 'fun'…"

"How can you be such a grump during the most festive time of the year?" She pouts as she looks at me.

Shaking my head, I sigh, "It ain't that fuckin' hard believe me, especially the way I grew up."

A loud bang from the wind whipping outside cause us both to look out one of the only intact windows to see an absolute blizzard was pelting the town with frozen fury. A thick white sheet of falling snow is what you could see as visibility was reduced to near zero. The houses nearby were almost gone entirely as they melted into the white background. The only reminder that they were there at all would be the lit lanterns adorning them, fighting to stay alive during the hurricane like winds.

Unbelievable, looks like I ain't going anywhere anytime fuckin' soon. An actual fuckin' white out…

Hey… Wait a minute…

"I've got things to do for the white out tomorrow so make it quick."

The thought makes me groan as I realize what a certain cunt of a pony had meant, "Aw shit!"

"What's the matter, cheddar?" Pinkie bounces as if she almost gets the zoomies, "You forgot to turn off the oven?"

"What? No, I don't think we even turned it on unless Spike did before we left. Actually, I think he now that I think about it… Did I-" I shake my head and point at the window, "N-no that's not what I meant! Fuckin' Rainbow told me earlier that we're getting a snowstorm for tomorrow and it looks like they already fuckin' started. From the looks of it, it's going to be a fuckin' bad one just look at it out there!"

She waves a dismissive hoof towards the window, "It doesn't look that bad…"

Just as she says that the wind gets strong enough to blow the window open and in seconds, we looked like snowmen with how much snow had covered us.

I glared at her silently which caused her to chuckle nervously, "Hehe just a fluke?"

"Yeah, a pain in my fluke more like," I spit out as I march towards the window and shut firmly making sure the latch was secure this time and I look outside mesmerized by the force of this artificial storm, "It looks like we're not going anywhere anytime soon that's fuckin' sure… I know I ain't."

"You mean we have to stay the night? Together? Here?" She squeals out while my back was turned to her.

I watch what looked like a stray wooden cart fly by like it was a football and I snort, "Well, unless you can turn into a fuckin' TaunTaun and get eaten by a fuckin' Wampa then yeah, I think we're going to have to-"

A super loud, excited, exaggerated gasp that cut through the air like butter let loose behind me and I lower my head in a tired manner knowing just what she was going to say next.

"SLUMBER PARTY!" She screeches out like she was some kind of banshee and I regrettably turn around to see her dancing in confetti that somehow magically appeared around her.

"Oh, hell no! This is not a-"

"We can do SOOOOOOOO much fun stuff tonight just between the two of us!" She then spins around changing between outfits at a ludicrous speed as she lists things we can do. "We can pillow fight, play pin the tail on the pony, tell sPoOKy stories, have a pie eating contest, talk about stallions we think are totally HOT, snuggle underneath the covers, braid each other's hair though I don't want to touch yours it's icky sticky, bake cupcakes and then see who can eat the most spoilers I'll win, dye our hair and paint our hooves black, play Frisbee golf, talk to the dead through a séance, wet t-shirt competio-ooF!"

My hand grabbing her snout and clamping it down suddenly causes her to finally shut the fuck up as I look at her with murderous intent. She seems to understand the predicament she just landed herself in and her pupils shrink in fear as I look down at her.

"You done?" I ask out calmly and I feel her nod her head in my grip, "Okay good, because if I let go and you say one thing that I really don't like, then the others will have to thaw you out when I chuck you outside. Capiche?"

She nods again and I let loose a sigh knowing that she was immediately going to break what I had asked her but regardless I let go and start to walk back out into the warmness of the fireplace. I sit on the ground in and wrap the quilt around me as the snow from earlier melts off me while heaving a huge sigh of relief despite being locked in with an actual mental patient.

Speaking of the mare, she bounces out of the room following me while she rubs her nose some and sheepishly laughs, "Sorry about that! I just got a little too excited… I never hung out with you before and it sounds amazing!" She looks at the ground like she finally collected herself and looks back up at me, "Soooooooooo what did you want to do? We've got all night it looks like given the weather."

"Nothing to do with fireworks or fuckin' banners that say happy birthday on them that's for fuckin' sure…" I frown as I take in the first part of what I said, "By the way, you left a fuckin' armory worth of explosives in Rarity's kitchen that you need to go fuckin' recollect before a group of certain fillies blow themselves to Timbuktu."

She waves her hoof at me dismissively, "Ah I think Rarity already got to them, they weren't there when I went back them and that was after she bit into my two bran muffins over it too." She then out of nowhere finds a monocle and a teacup and sits on a stool with her hind legs crossed and speaks in that Victorian poshy accent the cunt likes to use, "Pinkie Pie, it is soooo dreadful that you had left fireworks in my home without me knowing. Remove them at once or it shall ruin my mane!' so say's the boremare…"

I snort at that as I pat my stomach, "Yeah, that sounds like her alright…"

She hops onto the table, "But for realsy this time, what do ya want to do?! We can almost do anything you can think and most importantly we're-" She spins like a ballerina, "Frreeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

"Free… I'm never going to be free in this shithole." She stops her dance and gives me her grumpy face making me sigh again, "I just want to relax by the fire, Pinkie, and that's it. I've had enough Ponyville fun to last me a lifetime and I need a little bit of a break."

"Breaks are for bones and football!" She declares loudly as she strikes a pose, "Arrrg, me Captain, ye land lubber be sleepin' in the brig fer not bein' of the spirit of the holiday!"

"Just as I start to get used to you, you do shit like that. Pinkie! For the last time, I'm just going to sit here, shit my pants, then sleep and nothing is going to stop me from-" My stomach actually growls pretty loudly for a change, and I grimace as a pang of hunger hits, "Well, actually now that you mention it, we could find food…"

"Food?" she pauses and looks at her stomach and I swear on my nuts that I saw it ripple like water when it growled. "Oh, by the shining star, I didn't eat dinner yet either! We better change that or else you'll blow away to nothing!"

"You can blow me…" I say as I flip her the bird, but it goes unheard and unseen as she marches into the kitchen with due haste to ensure my atoms don't evaporate. Soon after, I hear her mumble something about canned bread in an incredulous way and the entire sound board of Ed, Edd n Eddy plays in the background making me frown.

That fuckin' mare, dude… Out of the entire town why'd I have to stuck in here with her. So, she's an earth pony right? The ones who can't cast magic nor fuckin' fly like a jetliner? Then why in everything that's holy can she fuckin' pull rabbits out her hat and break the sound barrier all the goddamn time.

I'm also not afraid to admit it but out of all the shit's around here she gives me the willies the most. That supernatural looney toons bullshit she pulls makes me nervous as hell. I've watched the Mask with Jim Carrey so I know just how dangerous she could be given the circumstances. Woe be upon you should you wrong her, man. That's not an enemy I'd like to make. Someone who can bend the space time continuum without so much a sweat? Yeah, fuck that.

I'd even go as far to say that she freaks me out more than Celestia and she could straight up sneeze and my molecules would untangle. Yeah, I'm definitely lucky that she wants to be my friend so badly as I wouldn't want to be on barrel end of whoever she grudges with. I should also consider myself extremely lucky that she hasn't held a grudge against me.

You know, for making her homeless.

"Oh Charlie! I have goodies!"

The sound of scraping coming closer from the kitchen makes me sigh and I squeeze my eyes shut in hopes that she'll not be able to see me if I stay still enough.

"Charlie? Did you hear me? I said I have goooooooooooodiiiieeeeeeees~!"

A pink mare screams out knocking me out of my pitiful attempt to hide and I look over to see her barreling towards me like she was the shark from Jaws, and I was named Quint. With her were these two giant boiling pots with a multitude of items sticking out inconspicuously, most looking frozen if the ice clinging to them were any clue, and she pushes them closer with festive fervor. She lets out a satisfied sigh as she sits down and rummages through the pots like it was Santa's big hairy sack.

"I didn't really find too much in here but surely this just might be enough for you and I for a night or two. I've got some old tubs of icing, canisters of sprinkles, some pound cake, MARSHMALLOWS, graham crackers that look like little elephants and Twilight when she's mad, and then there were a bunch of carrots for Mr. Cake's carrot cake specials. Thankfully because there hasn't been any heat in here, they're still frozen so we shouldn't get sick."

I rolled my eyes as she listed more shit that sounded absolutely unappetizing at all. Fucking Marshmallows and fuckin' carrots… What a combo…

I huff as I watch her go to town with that icing and get comfortable again while I stared at the fire, "Alright, well at least you can eat. Maybe you'll leave me the fuck alone too why you're gorging too."

"What? No, this is for you too?" I look over and her face was already covered in the icing as she went to town and spit chunks at me as she spoke, "You've got to eat too, remember?" She prods my leg, and you can definitely see just how baggy my pants have gotten, "See? I don't think Twilight can heal a skeleton. You look like your dressed for nightmare night and it's still 237 days away!"

I gawk at her as I just slowly accept that she has an internal clock for every holiday, birthday, and special event before I roll my eyes, "Hardy fuckin' har… None of it sounds exactly delectable, Pinkie, I'm fine…"

"You don't look it…" I hear something slide towards me, but I don't even move to see what it is, "Just take a nibble of some of those sprinkles and you'll feel like your old self in no time!"

"Angry, bitter, and beyond disgusted? Yeah, not much has changed in that department."

"You'll look like a strong and healthy… uh…" I turn to look at her as she scratches her head, "What are you again? I know you're not a pony, but I've got a feeling it's a mix of a yak and a minotaur…"

"I'm a fuckin' Human of Humanity, you evolutionary mistake. Darwin must be spinning in his grave knowing something like you exists…"

She plays with the word some getting the pronunciation wrong every single time, "Huuuyyyyymaan… Hughmane… Humus? You're a food?"

"I'm a what?-No! It's fuckin' HU-MAN! Human!"

"Human…" She repeats and a sour look appears as she says it, "That doesn't sound right at all. You don't look like a huemen at all!"

"Well, what the fuck would you call me then Mrs. Science…"

She taps her chin as she thinks, "Weeeeeellllll, you're angry, temperamental, territorial, clothed, you can't fly or cast magic, you got like 40 little hooves that are beyond soft… almost bald…" She looks me up and down, "Do you lay eggs?"

"…No…"

"Hmmmm well a bald platypus is now off the list…" An exclamation point in the form of sprinkles appear over her head as she slaps the ground in her eureka moment. "Ooh! I know! I'd call you the giant white faced macaque!"

"…a 'my cock'?"

"Yep, a macaque! Though you're a lot bigger than one and you look nothing like one but that's what I'd say!" She looks at me some more and frowns, "Though a baboon might fit you more considering your butt is so… pronounced. The pasty bottomed baboon! OOH! That sounds much better!"

My brow lifts to the ceiling, "When the fuck have you been looking at my ass in detail?"

She looks me with a blank look for a very uncomfortable amount of time then pulls the sprinkles closer, starts munching on them like tic-tacs without answering me and without breaking eye contact.

I just sigh as I try to comprehend her insanity, "Has anyone ever told you that you're brain is broken?"

She pauses mid chew and looks up, "My brain? Oh that's horseradish! My mom said I had the hardest head on the farm considering how many times they dropped me. My parents used to call me hard hat growing up." Her eyes then blink out of rhythm as I stare back at her either out of disgust or just confusion.

I'm, again, left speechless.

She shakes her mushed melon of a head and looks at me, "Well, Mr. Baboon sir, you ready to start eating or do I have to chew it for you momma bird style?"

I lay my head back on the floor and let the flames warmth engulf me, "Listen, as… great…as that sounds, how about we come to a deal, you eat now and later you can wake me up to eat. Humans are known to eat dinner around midnight…" A complete lie but I'm trying to get her to quit bugging me at least for a couple hours.

She pulls out that infamous notebook and flips through it, "That's not what I wrote here… It says you only eat when someone forces you too."

"That's not even close to being true."

She taps on the notebook, "That's what she wrote so you're going to have to bring it up with detective Pie about it if you think it's wrong. I heard she can be really tenacious about her research." She looks at me and bounces her brow, "You want to talk to her?"

"…Pinkie, if you pull out a fedora and start talking noir I'm going to skin you alive and use your bladder as a canteen."

She mouths an O and I see her deliberately kicks something behind her so it's out of view, hopefully forever.

I just sigh at her shenanigans and lay back, "Can you just let me be hungry for now? I really don't have an appetite at the moment." She opened her mouth to argue but I cut her off, "Please…"

"I-Alrighty Mr. Grumpy… I'll let you be Grungry all night like you want… But I'm definitely bothering you around midnight so that you can eat! And I don't want to hear any whining mister!"

"Sure, sure, now would ya shut the fuck up so I can finally get some sleep? I'm fuckin' exhausted from moving that fuckin' oven all damn day and I'm overdue a nap or several…" I shut my eyes and get comfy as the edge of slumber nudges me like an old friend.

"Okay… Fine, I'll just have to eat for the both of us then." I hear her shuffle some and her gorging on her fucked buffet assortment before she gives out a dry sounding cough, "Ahh I'm thirsty! It's a shame I couldn't really find anything to drink around here though. There was only a single container of apple juice and those big bottles filled with that gross stuff that tasted like that stuff Nurse Redheart puts on my booboo's!"

My eyes snap open like Squidward when a certain sponge had snuck into my bed.

"Gross stuff?" I ask aloud and look over at her as her entire head was stuck inside that tub of icing, "What gross stuff?"

She pulls her head out and looks at me, icing and all, "Oh! They're over there. They were hidden under a floorboard for some reason, but I don't know why as they don't taste very good. The side say's 'wedding gift from pap' whatever that means. Who in the soufflè is pap and why is he hiding nasty battery juice in the walls? Who is he getting married to? Also what is marriage? You just slip on a hoof ring and then you're married? Or do you need an official to make it officially official. Or maybe its-"

Ignoring her nonstop rant about whatever the fuck she's saying, I follow her hoof as they point to a crate with eight large moonshine looking bottles with cork tops resting inside with some dust laying on them with a look of uncertainty as it can't be what I think it is… Right?

Standing up rather quickly with hope, I make my way over passing the mare as she juggles marshmallows into her mouth and pick up one of the containers. It was full of something alright because it sloshed around as I held it by the light to see just what the fuck Pinkie had stumbled on. There were symbols I couldn't read on the side but a definite thing I could understand were three large X's strewn across the side of it and it tantalized me as my mouth drooled.

"It fuckin' can't be… Surely I'm just getting excited for no fuckin' reason and this is just some fuckin' prune juice or something." I murmur as I pull one of the corks off with a satisfying pop sound and I lower my nose to the opening, "I'm waaaaay too unlucky for-"

The familiar smell enters my nostrils and it burned what little hairs I had left in there telling me all I had to know. I stand there holding the bottle closer like it was a newborn as the shock of what I just stumbled upon literally smacks me. With some nervous reserve I lift it too my lips and fill my gullet with a mouthful of that ever pleasant burn of God's caramel tinted sparkling piss when it attacks my tongue and throat.

Holy fuck… I-I can't believe it! It's fuckin' liquor… Good fuckin' liquor to boot.

My entire body shivers and I almost collapse as the feeling I had gone so fuckin' long without greets me like an old friend. How I missed you, you fuckin' scumbag! Where the fuck have you been! I'm barely tasting it as I chugged another gulp but a hint of applewood mists onto my taste buds with pleasure as I fall backwards.

I start cackling like a mad person as I wave the jug around excitedly and start dancing a little with the bottle still firmly placed in my arms that you'd need an excavator to physically remove.

During my elation I could hear a confused but amused Pinkie sound off her thought behind me, "Charlie? What are we laughing at? Did you see my dead Uncle Terry who haunts the building? He's a really funny pon-WHOA!"

I turn to her with a grand smile and rush towards her and lift her in a hug as I spin around like a top, "Pinkie, I could fuckin' kiss you on the pussy right now, you fuckin' certifiable loon! You fuckin' did it!"

She raises her arms like she was on a roller coaster, "YAAAAAAAAAY I DID IT! WAIT, WHAT DID I DO!?"

I stop my spinning and let go of pinkie who keeps up her pink tornado as she crashes into a pill of lumber on the other side of the room and I look at the bottle like it was Jesus rising on the third day.

"You fuckin' got me the means to get Slumdog drunk after fuckin' months of going dryer than an 80-year-old catholic nun is what you did, you batshit mare HAHA!" I gulp down some more and the burn almost makes me cum on the spot.

Gross, I know, but that's just how it is, bros. You go however long without your vice and see how you feel getting it back.

Pinkie, stumbles out of the mess with her eyes spinning and little birdies flying around her that I didn't know were real or not and she comes closer as I get comfy by the fire, making sure the rest of the bottles were as close to me as possible. She looks at me a little perturbed as I croon at the alcohol like is was a baby.

"Uh… I'm glad to be of assistance?" She cocks her head as she taps the other bottles, "What is that stuff? Charlie happy juice? I've never seen you so motivated before…"

I look at her and shake the bottle, "What, this? This is dinner. And breakfast, second breakfast, brunch, Elevenses, lunch, supper, and midnight snack all in one!" I hug the bottle closer, "Isn't that right, my Sweetums? Yes, you are!"

"An entire days' worth of food?! B-but it's so nasty? I couldn't smell it let alone drink it…" She watches me inhale some more and her mouth twists, "Are you sure that's enough for dinner?"

"Yes I'm fuckin' sure! Now shut the fuck up let me enjoy this!" I yell out and huddle closer to the fire, "I ain't had a single good thing happen to me for months and this might as well be finding a leprechauns golden stash! I'm going to try the lottery later too while I'm fucking at it!"

Pinkie looked at me like she wanted to say something but kept it to herself instead and eventually just shrugged at a camera that wasn't there and went back to munching on her disgusting nutritious meal as I suckled from Dionysus' supple breast milk. A true drink of the gods I laugh as I chuckle to myself.

We sat in relative silence for some time as the feeling of inebriation start to set in and by God was it glorious. I fuckin' missed this so fuckin' much you have no idea. The shakes are gone, my mind is finally quiet, I'm warmer than a yaks nut, and I'm not seeing shit that's not there even though I'm on the expressway to get plastered so that might change. With the feeling of warmness in my belly starts to fill me but the one thing that also usually begins to flee around this time has been staying and no amount of alcohol I've got is making it go away.

Bitterness.

Yes, I know fuckin' shocking, but not the bitterness you're used to from me. The kind of bitterness that festers until I'm unconscious or wailing on an asshole who totally deserved it. C'mon, Charlie! What the fuck is the matter with you! You've got everything you want!

Despite that though… I will admit, the more I'm drinking the more I'm… thinking too… which is more than disconcerting especially since it's usually the opposite. Drink goes in, brain power goes out. It's a good fuckin' system and it worked great back home and I really wish it was working now.

The thoughts move from topic to topic but eventually it circles back to the argument I had with Spike not too long ago. This causes me to drink more heavily, but it does nothing in the way of stopping it. In fact, I'd go as far to say that it intensified.

Why the fuck did I say that to him? Why did I call him Wally?

I glare at the open flame as the events of the that actual fight worms its way in and yet again, I'm standing inside that fuckin' hotel room, but not alone.

I'm staring down at the now deceased Mr. Cheng and Zhao as my own heavy breathing after my exertion of the event starts to fill my mind. A sharp sting of pain in my abdomen causes me to wince as the adrenaline starts to fade and I almost fall over, a bed post being the only thing stoping me from greeting the floor. Dylan was pacing with his hands on his head muttering all the while like he couldn't believe what just happened.

I sigh as I struggle to pick up the gun that was by my feet, "Well, that's that…"

Dylan stops his small episode and looks at me like I lost my mind, "I-I you're-" He shakes his head as he throws his hands up, "What the fuck, Charlie! We weren't supposed to kill them!"

I kick the lifeless leg of Zhao, "That was before egg roll here came at me with a knife," Looking down at my blood covered hand, I grimace, "Had to be done, no way around it."

He points at Mr. Cheng, "And what about him? He come at you too like Ginsu chef too?" He rubs his head, "I-I don't get it! You were in here for like 20 minutes before the gunshot went off! The fuck happened?!"

I glare at him, "I told you, they jumped me so I retaliated. End of fuckin' story."

He returns a glare of his own, "Is that what we tell, Bill? Say they were throwing ninja stars at us while burrowing in a spider tunnel? Fuck it, lets say they had M60's as well as missile launchers just to be sure!"

I take a take step closer when my balance returns with the gun still in my hand, "We tell Bill exactly what I told you."

He looks down at the gun which is being gripped tighter before sighing, "…I guess this is just who we are now."

"You fuckin' done being a prima donna?" I yell at him before I shoved him further into the room which makes me almost keel over from the pain, "Go find the fuckin' deeds before the cops show up dammit. We gotta get rid of this gun and get out of here."

Dylan quickly heeds my order and begins turning the room over to find the prized documents but I can tell by his look he's none too happy about it. Ah fuck him. He's been on my nuts for the last two weeks and its about time I got some payback for it. Scanning the room, I decide I'm not going to be much help being gutted the way I am, so I walk outside to stand guard and weren't any witnesses looking to make their day eight times worse.

As I stood there, some passerby's would kind of linger and I'd simply flash my fake badge and tell them to move along. It worked like 90% of the time but there was always a Karen there to ask way too many pointless questions. Things were going smoothly until I started hearing sirens in the distance.

"Dylan…" I warn him as he's flipping the sofa.

"I know! I fuckin' hear it! Just give me a minute!"

I turn to him, "We don't have a fuckin' minute!" Looking around in the hotel room, the only thing left he hadn't turned over was a small end table at the corner of the room, "Dylan, try over there! Hurry up! We still have to fuckin' walk across the street for the-"

A car screeches to halt in front of the door and for the life of me I thought for sure it was the cops who had just zeroed my ass. To my surprise, when I turned around it was Dylan's car that had pulled up which was beyond strange as it was just me and him on the job.

So who the fuck is this?

The coupes tinted window rolls down to show my little brother Wally sitting gleefully in the driver seat and he tips his iconic hat like an 1870s gentleman.

"Need a ride, stranger?" He laughs out.

I blink at him as he was the last person I was expecting to see, "W-Wally!? What the fuck are you doing here?!" My yells causes me pain to flare and I grip the door as I collapse some.

"Wh-Charlie! Hold on!" Wally practically vaults over the car and grabs onto to my shoulder helping me back onto my feet, but not before gazing inside of the room, seeing the two dead men. He pauses like he had to think for a moment. "H-holy shit!"

Dylan screams out his Han Solo cheer as he lifts up a canvas briefcase, "Fuckin' found them! C'mon let's get the fuck out of here!"

Dylan sprints over as the sirens get even louder, jumping over Mr. Cheng with a briefcase in hand and grabs my other arm and pulls me over into the car and we speed off with Wally at the helm.

As I'm holding onto the gash I glare daggers at him, "What the fuck are you doing here!?"

He looked a little shaken up either from my blood or the dead guys he just saw, "Bill asked me to tail you in case something happened and I'm fuckin' glad he did because something certainly happened!"

"Grrr Fuckin' Bill! Arrrgh!" I look down at the wound and it's gushing a lot more than I had realized, "That dumpling got me pretty good."

"Dylan, is he okay? Talk to me, man." Wally asks as he tries his best to keep his attention on the road.

The Cuban at this point had moved closer to look at it and he simply snorts, "Oh this ain't shit. Quit your whining already. I'm the one who should be crying for all the dry cleaning I'm going to have to do in here. I fuckin' knew we should have taken my car!"

"Eat my ass you fuckin'-AAARggg!" My call of insults were ceased when he poured some of my liquor onto the wound.

He turns to Wally, "You know about Edger's Diner, right?" The teen nods, "Good, go there. We gotta lay low for a minute so we can go get Brad for Charlie."

"Roger, roger." He exclaims though I can tell he's afraid. Not from the cops but of the look I'm giving him right now that just screams disappointment.

Dylan and Wally chatter idly about what streets to take and what areas to avoid but I can't help but just to sit there in my own blood absolutely furious for obvious reasons. Bill fuckin' completely went against what I wanted, and he got him involved of all people.

Oh, me and him are going to have a conversation when I get back there that's for sure.

We drive for about 10 minutes evading the police and any major junctions we can as we made our way to one of our many safe houses. This one being an old, abandoned diner that hadn't been used by anyone but the homeless for years. It was thankfully empty when we entered and hopefully stayed that way without any more surprises.

After we were situated inside, Dylan had left us with the promise to go get that fuckhead Brad to sow me up leaving me and wally who I can without a doubt call a cunt hair with probable cause. The awkward silence of me mad dogging my little brother didn't go unnoticed either as he did his best to ignore me. He was sitting on one of the stools of the counter spinning around absentmindedly as I laid in one of the booths with my shirt used as a makeshift gauze.

The boy finally stops and sighs before he walked over to me, "How are you doing? The bleeding stopped yet?"

"The fuck are you doing here, Wally?" I growl out ignoring his question, "I told you I don't want you apart of this and I told Bill specifically to keep you out of it entirely."

I waves his arms to his sides, "Aren't you glad I showed up though? You could be in a prison cell right now or dead!"

I shuffle a little in the seat, but I can't sit up,"Yeah well, we're all going to be in a fuckin' prison cell in a moment with all that fuckin' evidence we left behind! Even with our guy on the inside it might not be enough to get this buried! What were you thinking?!"

"I was thinking about you!" He yells out as he wipes his runny nose from the cold with the sleeve of his flannel, "Y-you were all kinds of fucked up this morning from doing God knows what and I-I was worried… So, I called Bill about it, and he asked me to follow you on my moped. Just in case…"

"Well, on top of being a worrywart you can add being a dumb ass to that!" I wince once more from my yelling and look at him.

"Stop moving you're going to make it worse." He chides as he gets closer but I ain't done.

"You completely disregarded what I fuckin' told you this morning! You should be in fuckin' school! Not huddled in a fuckin' ruin wiping blood off your goddamn hands!"

He looked at his bloodied hands from my wound and clenched them tight, "What? And go to school and be a straight A student like you fuckin' were?" He snorts as he wipes them off on his jeans, "Give me a break! What makes you so high and mighty to tell me how to live my life? If the life was good for you then why can't it be good for me?"

"Because it's not what I want for you!"

"And you're not my fuckin' father to decide that!" my eyes widen a little at that remark and he continues, "You always do this, Charlie! You boss me around and then leave me out of shit like I don't know what's happening. It's infuriating! We used to do scams all the time growing up and it was fine then! Now you just-" He sighs as he pulls over a chair and sits in it, "Uncle Bill trusts me to do jobs and for some reason you keep cock blocking me on it. He even say's that I'm pretty good!"

I spit a blood loogy on the floor as I simmer, "Bill doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about, and he should mind his own damn business!"

He rolls his eyes and takes off his cap releasing the animal that is his wavy hair, "Yeah, well I do!" He sighs as he scratches his hair, "Remember when we first got to Boston? Some of my fondest memories were when you had me pickpocketing a bunch of marks in a crowd and using me for my small frame to get into shit. I liked it! I'm good at it! I'm-"

"That's enough!" I groan out and he sinks, "I don't know what's been going on with you lately and you won't tell me, but this shit has to stop. Everything I do out here is for fuckin' you! Bill he's…" I shake my head, "He's just little too ambitious. He gets his head wrapped around something and he can't let it go."

He crosses his arms and paces a little, "Yeah, well regardless he knew a lot more than what you were going to tell me that's for fuckin' sure…"

I glare at him not liking where this conversation is going, "Is there something you want to fuckin' say to me? Then I suggest you say it!"

He points an angry finger at me, "He told me about your little plan to run away until I'm in college! Who the hell said I even wanted to go to college anyways?! I know I sure fuckin' didn't!"

"It's what I fuckin' want for you! I want you to go be a fuckin' doctor, or whatever the fuck!" I groan as my side kills me, "When we're done here, you're going back to fuckin' school and you're going to fuckin' like it!"

"You want a lot of things, Charlie." He shrugs and gets closer, "but I didn't think running away with your tail between your legs would be one of them. You're really beginning to make me think…"

"Oh C'mon, lay it on me! Let's see what's swimming around in your empty fuckin' noggin! What the fuck do you think? Huh! Tell me!"

He walks forward and points at me, "I think you're being a coward! Running away to Maine isn't going to solve anything, Charlie!"

"You watch you're fuckin' mouth!" I point at him through gritted teeth, "I'm you're fuckin' brother and we'll fuckin' do whatever I fuckin' tell you to do, understand?!"

He shakes his head and scratches at his hair again, "Charlie, I'm not asking much here! Please just let me help out around at Caspers and do small jobs! I'll be an asset! I'll make more money breaking heads with you than I ever will just busing tables."

"You'll be making millions when you become that fuckin' lawyer or doctor you're going to be and it all starts in school!" I rub my forehead as a headache begins to settle, "Under no circumstances are you to fuckin' take any jobs from Bill, understand!?"

"Charlie, I don't want-"

"FOR ONCE IN YOUR FUCKIN' LIFE, WILL YOU LISTEN TO YOUR GODDAMN BROTHER, WALLY!"

That was my Wally… Stubborn ass…

Even with all that screaming he didn't fuckin' listen once. Though that shouldn't be too surprising with the apple not falling far from the tree so to speak. I wasn't the best brother around nor was I the best parent figure to him but without any of my folks around I did my best, I did everything in my power to make sure he turned out okay and it all just fell apart so fuckin' quickly.

Between the life, Bill and myself he just wanted to do it his way which in turn was my way. He was the best brother a guy could ask for even with his faults. No, not his. My faults… I should have never gotten him involved with Bill, I should have never started giving him jobs when he was proven able, I should have never let him come with me on the Kutz job…

I should have left him in Pennsylvania when I had the chance all of them years ago.

Well, I guess that means I'm sobered back up… Fuckin' bullshit, I can't even enjoy a hard drink anymore…

The sound of Pinkie making explosions and sounds cause me to look over to see that she's playing with those graham crackers that she mentioned earlier with joy completely oblivious of my internal struggle.

"ahhh don't eat me Mr. Elephant! I have many books about you!" She mouths out as she smacks them together like action figures. "Miss Twilight, your book said I was fat! I'm husky, not fat!" She smacks the elephant cracker onto the mare shaped one, "NooooooooO not the almanacs!"

My lips purse as I watch her play with crackers and I start to begin to hope that I wasn't imagining her of all things. Christ, her popping up at any moment is something I'd really consider too far. Well, I mean I hate her guts but at least she's amusing for the most part. Amusing enough for me to bare her for the time being without pulling out my hair.

I've rarely had any conversations aside from our first meeting and you all know how well that went. The town loves her though and I know why for sure. The mare is a party animal, born and raised. Not only is she the animal but she's the life of one too. Everywhere she goes there's like an aura of positivity that follows her, and it just clings to everyone.

At least you won't deal with her for too long. Right, Charlie?

A sigh bubbles in me when the thought crosses my mind. She's moving out soon and never coming back and a part of me can hardly believe it. I've already managed to run one of the shits out of town in record time and for some reason I ain't too glib about it. In fact, I'm actually a little upset over it to be completely frank. I know, shocking… Well, fuck you too blame the alcohol.

I lean back and lay my head on the hard floor and look up at a giant hole in the ceiling which revealed plumbing with a weary undertone to it as some more thoughts about it smack me.

How far is this going to go? With the mayor and evictions, I mean. If she really runs them all out of town, where does that leave me? Will I have to go with them to God only knows where and continue this fuckin' charity/chore bullshit they have me doing? And what about the others? Where the fuck will they all head off to?

Pinkie already said she was heading off to parent's rock farm, whatever the hell that is. I can't even imagine her on a distant farm with no one around to bother with confetti or cupcakes. God above, the poor thing might actually explode from the lack of socializing which is her entire thing. Who'd she throw a party for? Her boulders?

Fluttershy will probably go live in the woods and go full bear Grylls I guess, but what about the animals she cares for? There's no other fuckin' vet around here as far as I can tell so the towns animals will more than likely suffer because of that, and I know for a fact she'd never allow that to happen. She loves them all way too much to give up. However, she's far too timid to actually fight for it right?

Rarity will lose her shop and all her glamour or whatever the fuck she calls it. Pizazz. She'll have to start over from scratch in a new town more than likely under a new name knowing her. I'm sure she'd bounce back, but it will take forever to rebuild her reputation and word is she's a pretty high-profile lady given some of the orders she makes for dukes and governors alike… All gone…

Applejack will most assuredly suffer the most. Her family farm of many generations will be swept away in bureaucratic shit and sold off piece by piece until the farm is no more. Her family will be outcast-ed as well and that's all of them too, not just Apple Bloom, Granny and Mac. But all 40 thousand kin who bear the Apple name too. Christ they'd make the Oklahoma settlers during the great Depression look like a fuckin' camp trip in comparison.

Twilight, already struggling to keep up friendships in town, will more than likely sink into herself in the wake of that defeat. I've been around her long enough to know she'll put up the most resistance against it but when inevitably fails it'll hit her hard, like a sledgehammer. I know that because that's something we have in common despite going about it in two very different ways. She's already done so much for the town and for me that I know it'll crush if she has to return to Canterlot or some other backwoods yokel town. She really loves it here…

Spike I'm not too concerned with if I'm being honest. He'll be down about it for like a fuckin' day then he'll bounce back with that same stupid toothy smile and that small bout of arrogance that's been following him these past few weeks. Hell, as long as he's fuckin' within earshot of me I really doubt he'd care about where's he's headed. He'll definitely fight with me though the entire way as I'm not going to be willing to Murder Hobo my way across the land like he'll want just yet… yet…

And then there's Rainbow… Fuck her is all I'm going to say to that one chief. As the mayor's already stated, she's going to be the only one left out of the sextet and I hope she'll be happy with herself when she's flying by the empty houses of her friends…

In fact, I fuckin' hope she'll feel like me and that's the worst thing I can imagine for her…

"You know, I'm really going to miss this place." Pinkie says aloud as she looks around the room and I look with her at the barren warzone that was the bakery, "I made a lot of memories in here… It's going to be strange not baking anymore… or throwing parties or hanging out with Twilight and everypony else. It just won't be the same back on the farm… back 'home'…"

"…" I look around but not at the building, but the supplies scattered around to rebuild it instead.

She does a full 360 around like she she stargazing one last time before sighing sadly and slowly walks toward the fireplace and lays down like a dog who just shit on the floor. She huffs as she stares at the flame with her hair straightening down unnaturally and she taps the floor absentmindedly with her hoof as she watched the wood crackle and pop.

"…I just wanted the town to have fun…" She looked like she was about to cry as she sniffled, "Was that too much to ask?"

Yeah, Charlie, was that too much to ask?

the giddiness of the drink leaves me entirely hearing that and I look at the bottle with a type of somberness that was very foreign to me. I'm usually an angry drunk, not a sob story woe is me drunk. I get a fuckin' buzz for the first time in almost a year and this happens? Fuck me man…

I look around at the room one more time and then look over to the sulking Pinkie Pie as I decide if I should go about what my little dark mind had plotting. A Small tear sliding off the pink mare solidifies my next move as much as it hurts for me to say. I always make bad decisions when I drink anyways so how would this be any different? Might as well keep the tradition going.

I set the jug down to my side and turn towards her sitting Indian style and I sway a little as I do so. "Hey, Pinkie… Do you want to hear a riddle?"

She doesn't look at me but hums in response as she wipes her nose. I look over at the pile of tools one more time before I say what I gotta say and sigh as I know I'm going to regret this.

I turn to her fully, "In a pink house, there was a pink person, a pink cat, a pink fish, a pink computer, a pink chair, a pink table, a pink telephone, a pink shower– everything was pink! What color were the stairs?"

She lifts her head and looks at me with a furrowed brow, "Were they pink?"

I smirk as I grab a certain something behind me, "No, there weren't any stairs, it was one story house."

She blows some air out of her nose, "A pink house… I haven't heard that one before…"

"Yeah, kinda like this one…" I click my tongue and look around as I stand up and adjust my pants with my free hand, "or like this one is going to be."

Her eyes snap to me with uncertainty as her ears perk up and her general demeanor seams to rise some. I pull out the paint can from behind me that I was playing with earlier and my finger was dripping with the same hot pink color as her coat, and I give her a soft smile.

"You want the stairs to be pink too?" I ask as cheeky as I could while shaking the can like it was a dog treat.

Her eyes bounce around my features as she tries to read to see if I was fuckin' with her and her entire face shifts from a confused shock to an overlaying smile of joy that was warmer than the fire that was blazing next to us.

Merry Hearth's Warming, you filthy animal…