Chapter Twenty-Seven

Dean finished school early on Thursday afternoon and took himself to Tessa's office.

'Hey, Dean,' she said warmly as he sat down. She already had her notepad ready. 'You texted me kinda early the other day, is everything all right?'

Dean got himself comfortable. 'Yeah, I guess so, I just had some things I wanted to talk about.'

Tessa gestured for him to continue.

'Well - um - I accidentally hurt Cas the other night,' he admitted.

'What happened?'

'He wanted to - to have sex with me,' Dean said, ignoring the heat rushing to his cheeks. 'But I - I couldn't. And then I had a nightmare and accidentally pinched him in my sleep. He got a bruise…'

'Does he know it was an accident?'

Dean nodded. 'I feel bad about it though.'

'Okay, and the nightmare?'

'The usual one.'

Tessa looked at him thoughtfully. 'Right, so walk me through what happened. He wanted to have sex with you?'

Dean nodded. 'We were on the bed and I was into it, but then he took my shirt off and, I don't know, it just changed and I had to make him stop.'

'Did he make you feel pressured?'

'No, no, not at all,' Dean said hurriedly. 'He was actually really good about it. Gave me space and let me put my shirt back on.'

'So it wasn't him specifically that made you feel bad?'

Dean shook his head. 'No, I wanted to do it, I mean, I've thought about it a lot. Come on, you were there,' he said, remembering how hard his crush on Cas was.

'A fantasy of him is very different to being that intimate in real life,' Tessa said gently.

'I guess.'

'Do you want to be with him in that way?'

'Yes,' Dean said firmly.

'So what do you think it was that stopped you?'

Dean dropped his head back against the chair. 'You know what it is,' he grumbled.

'Dean.'

'All right, all right. It's what happened with Rhonda.'

'And how do you feel about that?'

'I feel bad about it, it's not Cas's fault and I don't want to push him away like that again.'

'It's not your fault either,' Tessa reminded him. 'You can't always help your body's automatic response, you know that.'

'I know that. I just… how can I make it better?'

Tessa thought about it. 'Who initiated it?'

'He did.'

'Maybe it would help if you did,' Tessa suggested.

Dean shrugged.

'Do you think it would help if you felt more in control of the situation?'

Dean's stomach fluttered. 'Maybe,' he mumbled.

'Something you want to share?' Tessa asked, picking up on his hesitation.

Dean bit his lip. 'I'm still just nervous, I guess. There was only that one guy after Rhonda, and even that ended up being a disaster.'

'How so?'

'He didn't make me do anything, but he got real clingy and weird after, and then he tried to bite me. There was definitely something up with that guy.'

'Are you afraid of that happening with Cas?'

'I hadn't really thought about it, but I guess so, yeah. Benny was mostly normal until we slept together. How am I supposed to know if that'll happen again?'

'Maybe it would be worth talking to Cas about this,' Tessa said.

Dean nodded. 'Yeah, that's probably a good idea.'

'Are you worried about it?'

'No,' Dean said, smiling slightly. 'I can tell him anything, he sees right through me.'

'That's good.'

Dean took a deep breath. 'I think - I think I want to make that my next goal. I want to be able to sleep with Cas.'

Tessa nodded. 'I'm happy to work on that with you, Dean. I just have to warn you, we've never spoken about what happened to you in context of you becoming sexually active again. We might have to talk about things in detail. Is that something you think you're ready for?'

Dean considered it, anxiously rubbing his legs. 'Yeah, I think so,' he said eventually. 'I'll need to do it at some point, so why not now?'

Tessa smiled. 'Okay then, let's get started. And just tell me if it starts to get too much.'

Dean shifted in his seat, preparing himself.

The rest of the session was difficult and draining, but Dean felt they'd made good progress. He beat Sam and Cas home, so he sat quietly in the kitchen.

Mary came in when she noticed his car in the driveway.

'Hey, you don't look so good, are you okay?' she asked, sitting next to him at the table.

'Yeah. Rough session, that's all,' Dean told her.

'Do you want to talk about it?'

Dean shook his head. 'I've been talking forever, I just want to sit here for a minute.'

'Sure.' Mary patted his shoulder and left him alone to decompress.

When Cas arrived home, Dean went upstairs to help him pack for his trip to Colorado. The track heats were taking place in Denver, so the coach had hired a van to take them there that night, in time for the races the next day.

Before they started, however, Dean wrapped his arms around Cas's waist and kissed him.

'I had a good session with Tessa today,' he said. 'I'm gonna work this out, I promise.'

Cas smiled. 'I'm glad, but don't push yourself. I told you, I can wait.'

Dean squeezed him briefly, then went to his wardrobe. 'How you feeling? You nervous?'

Cas shook his head. 'Missouri and Oklahoma have terrible records, and Nebraska just lost their best runners in a relay accident. I'd only worry about Colorado since they're probably more practiced in that altitude, but I'm confident.'

'Good,' Dean smiled, passing Cas his running shoes. 'You got this.' Once his bag was packed, Dean kissed him again, savouring the moment before Cas would be gone for a whole day.

Mary called them down for dinner, making sure Cas drank plenty of water before the van came to pick him up.

They all cheered him out of the door, and the team whooped as he came out to the van. Cas waved to them, a big smile on his face, and then he was gone.

It took everything Dean had not to send Cas a message the moment he was gone. Their bedroom felt large and empty without his presence. Dean thought he would be glad to have his room back for a night, but instead, he closed the curtain so the room wouldn't feel so big. He didn't realise how much he'd come to rely on Cas for comfort, and he struggled to sleep that night.

Despite his disturbed sleep, however, Dean hurried through breakfast and drove to school, excited to watch the races.

'Hurry up,' Dean said to Kevin, as he tried to stream the races to the screens in the cafeteria.

'Chill out, will you?' Kevin mumbled.

'Come on, it's already started.'

Finally, the Denver race track flicked onto the screens mid race.

Everyone else in the room looked up, and began cheering on their team.

Dean's eyes never left Cas whenever he was on screen. His predictions had turned out right. The Oklahoma and Missouri teams lagged behind, while Kansas and Colorado went back and forth on who was first place. Kansas had pulled ahead by a narrow lead when it was time for the last race.

Cas lined up for the two hundred meters sprint. He seemed a little sluggish by now and Dean bit his lip nervously. He needn't have worried, however. Though Cas was slower than normal, he still completely outpaced the other teams, crossing the line well before the other teams and securing their win.

The room erupted into cheers, but their celebrations were cut short. The camera stayed trained on Cas, and they watched as he stumbled away from the track and collapsed to the ground.

Dean's heart stopped. Medics ran across the track to get to Cas and the cafeteria fell silent. They put an oxygen mask over Cas's face and waited. After a moment, Cas came to and sat up, holding the mask to his face. He saw his coach running towards him and pulled the mask away, showing them all a huge grin and gave the coach a thumbs up.

Dean sighed in relief.

'Is he okay?' Jo asked anxiously.

'I think so,' said Kevin. 'Looks like it was just the altitude. He is in Denver.'

Cas was forced to stay on the ground a while longer, but they didn't get to see what happened next as the stream ended.

'I'm sure he's fine,' Dean said, more to reassure himself than anyone else.

It wasn't until school ended that Dean finally relaxed, when Cas sent a message to the group chat.

Cas 😇

I'm okay

Jo H

You better be

You scared me

Crowley Sucks 🍆

Excellent racing. Camera had a great view of your ass

Cas 😇

Perfect 👌

Dean chuckled and drove himself home. It would be hours still until Cas was back, so Dean did his best to finish up his homework.

Sam and John eventually went to bed, but Mary and Dean stayed up to wait for Cas.

The van pulled up just past midnight, and Dean opened the door for him.

'Hey, what happened?' Dean asked, watching Cas hobble up the path, supported by the team captain.

'I'm fine,' Cas said.

'Slept a few hours and got stiff,' the captain explained. 'Pulled a calf muscle.'

'I'm all right,' Cas said again.

Dean reached out and took Cas's weight.

'It's my fault, I didn't stretch right.'

'Get some rest,' said the captain, stepping back towards the van. 'We're going to Seattle!' He punched the air and ran excitedly back to the van.

'What's in Seattle?' Dean asked Cas, helping him inside.

'That's where the national races are held,' Cas told him, limping to the couch.

Once they were inside, Dean noticed a bruise on Cas's cheek.

'Oh, honey, are you all right?' Mary asked.

'Yes. It's just a pulled muscle.'

'Can I get you anything?'

'Actually, I'm a little hungry. I slept through our rest stop.'

'I'll get us some pizza,' Dean said, pulling out his phone.

Mary brought Cas a drink, then kissed him on the cheek. 'You did great, good job.' She patted Dean's head. 'I'm going to bed, goodnight boys.'

She went upstairs and Dean went to the kitchen to get his supplies.

'Come on, give me that leg, you know the drill,' he said, sitting beside Cas and rubbing baby oil on his hands.

Cas lifted his leg, wincing slightly, and put it in Dean's lap. He pulled up his pants leg and let Dean get to work.

Dean was as gentle as possible, massaging Cas's calf. He could feel how stiff the muscle was, and Cas flinched whenever Dean's fingers went over the worst spot.

'I keep telling you to be careful,' Dean said.

Cas snorted. 'Careful doesn't get the win.'

'I saw you pass out,' said Dean, brushing a finger gently down the bruise. 'You got this from hitting the ground?'

'You're worried about me?' Cas smirked.

'Of course I'm worried about you,' Dean said softly. He glanced up the stairs, checking no one was watching, then kissed Cas.

'Ouch,' Cas hissed as Dean accidentally pushed his leg.

Dean backed off, but lightly held Cas's chin, looking at his bruise in the light.

'It's fine, Dean,' Cas said, but let Dean look him over. 'Although, I'll be happy to never run in Denver again.'

'All right, good enough,' Dean smiled, letting go right as the pizza arrived.

Dean helped himself to a slice, but Cas wolfed down almost all of the rest.

Once he was done, his eyelids began to droop once more. Dean put the leftovers away and Cas was already dozing off in the time it took him to get to the kitchen and back.

'Come on, let's get you to bed,' Dean said, helping Cas up from the couch, then up the stairs and to their room.

Cas glanced at Dean's bed and tried to pretend he hadn't, but Dean caught the look.

'Do you want to stay with me tonight?' he asked softly.

'If it's okay with you,' said Cas. 'I missed you last night.'

'Yeah. I missed you too.' Dean put Cas on his bed and brought him his pajamas. They both changed and finally got into bed together.

'You're not worried about being caught anymore?' Cas murmured, getting as comfortable as he could with his injured leg.

'Not so much,' Dean told him. 'I think I'm almost ready to tell them.'

'I'm glad,' Cas mumbled, already falling asleep.

Dean watched him for a while, before drifting off himself, cuddling Cas close.

Welcome back :) Thanks to EmilyAnnMcGarrett-Winchester for the review!