Remnant's Furon Invasion
Chapter 1
Some Hotel in Sunnywood
1:00 PM
"Crypto. Come in, Cryptosporidium-139." A semi-irritating voice said. A floating device soon entered the room and floated toward a mysterious man sitting in a chair while reading a magazine and drinking a martini.
"Who dares disturb my peace? I swear I will probe you-" The man began, getting up from his seat but stopped when he noticed the device. The man suddenly became blurry, with his appearance changing afterward. He was now short, grey, bald, with red-reflective eyes and wore a space suit. Oh, and he was an alien species known as a Furon. "Oh, hey, Pox. Long time no see. I was going to call but never felt like it. How's the monkey body?"
"You know, at first, I was against it. But now, it has grown on me. Plus, it allows me to accomplish things I couldn't do with my old body. Like crushing idiots like you and your clones." Pox answered after the device unfolded itself, with a projection of Pox appearing afterward.
"Heh, heh. Good to see you, too, Pox. So, what brings you and your annoying voice down here to my new hotel?" Crypto asked.
"I have made some startling discoveries. But let's not talk here. The last thing we need is the FBI, KGB, or anyone else eavesdropping on what we say."
"Pox. How many times have I told you this?! You know this. If either of those walking gas bags come here, I'll vaporize them. Or probe them and extract their Furon DNA if you want me to do that first. We do need that for cloning, after all."
"That's just it, Crypto."
"What's just it?"
"The Furon DNA and cloning. That's why I came here."
"You lost me. Aren't we... good in that department?" Crypto said, scratching the side of his head.
"I'll explain it all when we get back to the Mothership. Just know that for now, you cannot kill any more humans."
"Okay, Pox. I won't kill humans for now. But tell me, did the Furon Space Traffic Control finally send you a new Mothership? It's been what, nearly a decade since I sent the message?"
"No. I had to go there personally and wrangle a ship from them."
"Figures. So, how are we getting to the new Mothership?" Crypto asked as he used the holobob to disguise himself to appear as a middle-aged man.
"The same way we used to do. Using your saucer to get to the Mothership." Pox answered as they exited the room and headed for the hotel's front entrance.
"Heh. About that." Crypto said, earning a glare from Pox.
"Don't tell me you crashed it while drunk driving again, Crypto!"
"No. What do you take me for, Pox? I don't make the same mistake twice."
"Then what happened?"
"I misplaced it."
"Why am I not surprised?" Pox sighed. "Luckily, I had the foresight to create something should you misplace your saucer. Although, I'm genuinely surprised it didn't happen sooner."
"So, where is it, Pox?" Crypto asked as Pox pulled up a map while they exited the hotel.
"By Typewarners Studios. Dare I even ask why?"
"Oh, right. Now I remember. I cloaked it there cause I was curious if I could make some of my own movies. Even if they were bad, it would certainly be better than what these humans call quality entertainment."
"Let's just go before I decide you're not worth saving." Pox sighed.
Crypto let out a cackle at this before following Pox toward Typewarners Studios. They did receive a few odd glances from anyone they passed, but a quick Hypnotize from Crypto caused the people to forget. After about ten minutes, Pox and Crypto reached their destination, with Crypto uncloaking his saucer. They proceeded to board it before flying to space to the Mothership.
"Wow. It feels good to be back on a Mothership. And this one certainly is better than the floating tin can we had previously." Crypto said as he and Pox got off the saucer and headed toward the hub.
"Yes. And with all the new toys here, I can make numerous inventions to help you on your new mission." Pox agreed.
"Too bad Gastroenteritis isn't here. I miss that walking trash can." Crypto said.
"On the contrary, Crypto. Gastroenteritis is here. I downloaded his mind into a machine so he could resume his duties as a janitor and cook aboard the Mothership."
"Can he still kick some ass?"
"Unfortunately, not yet. I'm still working on making Gastroenteritis more durable and giving him adequate firepower."
"Oh, goodie. But enough of the sappy stuff, Pox. Why did you pull me from my well-deserved vacation, and why did you say I can't kill more humans?"
"First off, in order to have vacation days, you need to work. And you haven't done so in the past year." Pox countered.
"Well, I have been busy."
"But as to the reason why I pulled you from your so-called work and ordered you not to kill humans is simple. While going over some of the DNA you harvested, I made an alarming discovery."
"Which is?"
"As you know, the whole point of our initial invasion of Earth was to harvest human brain stems to-"
"Cut the chit-chat, Pox. Get to the point."
"Very well. The Furon DNA we need to continue cloning has become strained due to centuries of constant use. As a result, we invaded Earth to harvest more samples from the humans. Unfortunately, even those are becoming unreliable and unsuitable for cloning. We must find a solution before time runs out, and we can no longer create more Furons."
"But where can we find more? And can't you use your big head to fix the DNA?" Crypto asked, annoyed.
"I'm already working on a way to make the DNA usable again. But it's not a guarantee it will work. As such, we must find a new source to harvest Furon DNA."
"But where can we find more? I thought the only place we… you know… was on Earth. Don't tell me our ancestors were like that."
"I wish they didn't either, Crypto. But they did, and unless you want to puke up everything you and your brothers had to eat, I don't suggest you go digging through the archives."
"Wasn't planning on it." Pox cast a dead-pan glare at Crypto. "Okay, I was going through the archives later but not for that."
"I figured."
"So, what's your backup plan, Poxy?" Crypto asked as they reached the hub.
"After making this discovery, I scanned every planet known to the Furon Empire in hopes of finding another fresh source of Furon DNA we can harvest. Thankfully, I stumbled upon a planet in the far reaches of the universe that could suit our needs."
"What was the Furon Empire doing that far away from home?"
"This was during the early years of the Furon Empire. Eons before the Martian wars. Our ancestors were still looking for a place for our species to grow. At one point, they discovered this planet and attempted to colonize it. But it proved more challenging than expected. Plus, as you said, it was far from our current home and any Furon outpost. So they abandoned their plans and continued searching until they discovered our current home."
"Did they... you know, mate with the inhabitants?"
"As far as our current historical records show or suggest, they did no such thing."
"That's good. But if that's the case, why are we heading there as there won't be any available Furon DNA for us to harvest?"
"There is a good chance our ancestors left behind some of their technology. And considering cloning dates back to around their time, there is a high possibility they left behind pure Furon DNA somewhere on the planet."
"But that won't necessarily make it a good source for harvesting Furon DNA." Crypto reminded.
"Correct. But if any of our DNA seeped into the ground or water, there's a chance it merged with the drinking sources or food. And if the inhabitants consume enough of it, our DNA will combine with their DNA."
"Right. And given the amount of time that has passed and the fact they are pretty dumb, it is almost a guarantee their DNA merged with ours."
"Exactly. Now, let's travel to this new planet." Pox said as he inputted the coordinates.
"How long will this take?" Crypto asked, already impatient.
"It will take approximately ten hours to get there. So I suggest you find something to occupy your time."
"Fine. Call me when we get there. Hmm. I wonder if the food on this ship is any good." Crypto said before exiting the room.
Ten Hours Later
Outside of Remnant
"Alright, Crypto. We-WAKE UP!" Pox said before shouting when he realized Crypto was asleep in a makeshift chair.
"Huh. What? Are we there yet?" Crypto asked, looking around.
"No. We're still at Earth. OF COURSE, WE ARRIVED AT THE NEW PLANET! NOW GET UP!"
"Fine. Fine. Fine. I'm up. So what now?" Crypto asked, getting up.
"We briefly go over a few things about this planet and its inhabitants."
"Can't we just skip to the good part?"
"As much as I want to, we can't this time."
"Why not?"
"Remember how Majestic managed to acquire pathetic second-rate mental abilities similar to ours?"
"Yeah. Wait, so you're saying this new planet has inhabitants that are capable of Psychokinesis?"
"No."
"Then what are you saying?"
"What I'm saying is that this planet's inhabitants have natural powers we have never seen before."
"Like?"
"Similar to our shields, these people have something natural to them that they call aura. But not only can it act as a shield, but they can also use it to empower their attacks or create a stronger defense."
"But how durable is this aura, and how much do they have of it?"
"It depends on the person and how much they have. The more aura they have, the stronger it is and the longer it will last. But that does not mean it will last forever. After dealing sufficient damage, they will have no aura left, and you can kill them like the humans on Earth."
"So a challenge. This will be fun. What else?" Crypto asked, grinning.
"Aura also powers another natural ability they have which they call a semblance. It's difficult to give a good overview of it as each person's semblance is unique. You might find one person with a semblance that grants them the ability to heal others, while another might have a semblance that allows them to create illusions."
"If they have no aura remaining, can they still use this semblance?"
"They can, but not without severe drawbacks; the most common one would be passing out."
"Hmm. I might need some new toys to even the playing field. What do you have, Pox?"
"Nothing yet in terms of new weapons, Crypto. But I do have some new upgrades for all your gear."
"That'll do. So, what is our first mission on this new planet?" Crypto asked, impatient to try out his new upgraded gear.
"I have pinpointed a location where our ancestors' technology could be. We go there, check it out, and retrieve all of it."
"And what about causing some chaos?"
"Don't worry, Crypto. It will come in due time. But for now, let's head to my lab to get your upgrades before heading down to the planet." Pox said as he and Crypto exited the hub.
"Oh, before I forget. What's the name of this miserable rock?"
"Its inhabitants call it Remnant."
"Seriously? Couldn't they have picked a better name?"
"What do you expect from lower life forms?"
"You got me there."
After a couple of minutes, Crypto and Pox arrived at Pox's lab. Pox then stripped Crypto of all his gear before putting it in a new machine Crypto had never seen before. And before he could say anything, Pox returned his equipment. Afterward, they headed toward Crypto's saucer and boarded it. Crypto then activated it before flying out of the Mothership and heading toward Remnant.
Twenty Minutes Later
"So this is Remnant. Already smells better than Earth." Crypto said as he and Pox exited the saucer.
"That's because here, the people care slightly more about the rock they live on and don't use the same fuels as Earth." Pox explained with his projection appearing a second later from a device.
"Wait. So you're saying the people here don't use radiation, gas, oil, or anything like that?"
"Indeed. Remnant's inhabitants use a combination to power their vehicles. Their primary sources of fuel are electricity and dust."
"Dust? You mean like the dirt on the ground?" Crypto asked, lifting his foot and removing the dust to emphasize his question.
"I initially thought the same, but no. The dust I am referring to is a naturally occurring resource that can take the form of dust or crystals. Why Remnant's inhabitants decided to call it dust is beyond me, though. Anyway. There are many kinds of dust. Some examples are fire and water."
"Does everything rely on dust, and can it be weaponized?"
"Not everything relies on dust. And yes, dust can be weaponized. The inhabitants of Remnant already use dust in various weaponry. The only limit to dust in combat is its wielder's craftiness and intelligence. Luckily, that means I don't have to worry about you blowing yourself or the Mothership to pieces considering you lack both."
"Ah. And here I thought you didn't have any soft spots left after the humans blew you up. Anyway, that reminds me, Pox. I thought we didn't need to worry about DNA since there is the synthetic kind we discovered."
"Yes, the synthetic Furon DNA. Right, well. In my research, I discovered that, while a viable alternative, synthetic Furon DNA cannot handle a reproduction rate on a massive scale. It becomes inadequate, and the clones it helps create are defective beyond repair."
"So when the Furon Empire declares war again, we cannot rely on it. That's what you are saying."
"Precisely. That's why we must find our ancestors' technology or find evidence that these humans have some Furon DNA in their genome."
"Then what are we standing around for babbling like a bunch of brain-dead monkeys? Let's get to this location and vaporize anyone that gets in our way." Crypto declared, excited to finally get the mission underway. But before he could take a single step, a snarl caught their attention. "Uh, what was that ungodly noise? It sounded worse than the Molinari Brothers talking."
"That sounded like one of Remnant's problems. In this instance, it appears to be an Alpha Beowulf." Pox answered as they turned around to see a large black creature with bone spikes protruding from its body.
"And here I thought Milenkov was ugly. But this thing is just straight-up repulsive." Crypto said, disgusted. But it seemed like the Alpha Beowulf understood what Crypto said and did not like it as it lunged at him. But before it could reach him, Crypto used his Psychokinesis to keep the Alpha Beowulf suspended in the air. "Hold on there, ugly. You got a lot to learn. Not so smart is it, Pox."
"Grimm are not intelligent in the average sense. They are like the animals you saw back on Earth. The Grimm use instinct to survive. However, in their infancy, they are about as helpless as the Power Suit Soldiers when you take away their toys."
"Is this one in its infancy? Perhaps I could hypnotize it." Crypto said, using his Psychokinesis to spin the Alpha Beowulf in the air.
"Not yet, anyway. The Grimm have no brains. And if, by chance, they do, they don't use it. But I am currently working on a way so you can hypnotize them."
"Well, in that case. Let's celebrate this new discovery by vaporizing this slobbering thing." Crypto grinned before taking out his Ion Detonator and firing three Ion bombs into the mouth of the Alpha Beowulf and forcing it to swallow them. It seemed to know what was about to happen and started to thrash around, but this only made Crypto grin wider. And after ten seconds, the Ion bombs detonated inside the Alpha Beowulf, killing it and sending its body parts and blood everywhere.
"Hmm. What you just did gave me an idea, Crypto." Pox said, staring at the remains of the Alpha Beowulf.
"Tell me on the way, Poxy. Hopefully, I get to vaporize some more Grimm along the way." Crypto said before running toward where they needed to go, with Pox following behind him. He was excited to start the invasion of this new planet and try out the shiny new upgrades Pox had in store for him. But little did Pox or Crypto realize that something was eavesdropping on them the entire time. Let's just hope Remnant is ready for what's to come in the near future.
Note:
Crypto looks how he did in the Destroy All Humans 2 remake trailer.