The bullet goes through Sky's shoulder, right under the collarbone. She feels the impact, as if someone had hit her, but there's no pain, not at first. The sound makes her ears explode, and for a moment she can't hear anything. The screaming that follows barely cuts through the ringing of her ears, it's coming from somewhere far, far away, she doesn't know who's screaming, or why—

She's on the floor. The tiles are cold under her cheek, and then she sees the gun. It falls from Matt's fingers to the floor, clatters next to Matt's white Adidas sneakers which are now splattered with something red—

Blood. Oh God. It's blood. It's her blood, it's gushing out of the wound on her shoulder, through her pink hoodie, soaking her clothes, and that's when the pain hits her and it's worse than anything she's ever imagined.

Matt is trying to say something, as he staggers back, but Sky can't hear him, her ears are still ringing and the screaming just continues, that sound is cutting through her skin and her flesh and her bones like a chainsaw. Oh, it hurts so much, she can't even breathe, the pain makes the world diminish, darkness is creeping at the edges of her vision, but she doesn't care, because suddenly there's only one thing in her mind—

Kat. Kat! Oh God—

She rolls to her side in the pool of blood, it soaks her hair, her clothes. It can't be all hers, can it? There can't possibly be that much blood in her body— but the pulsing in her shoulder feels like the pulse of her heart, and the blood has painted her pink hoodie red, it covers the floor, she's choking on the taste of iron, choking, her chest is collapsing—

Kat's lips are parted, her onyx eyes are open, but she sees nothing. And when the scream finally leaves Sky's lips, Kat doesn't hear it.

Snap out of it, snap out of it, snap out of it, it's not real—

Sky forced herself to breathe through the pain that was ripping her shoulder and her chest apart. Four counts in, six out, again and again— It's not real, just another flashback, not real, not real, snap out of it—

She hadn't had one of these in ages, and God, it was so much worse than she had remembered. And now she didn't even have any meds, nothing to ease this, nothing to help with this pain, this shock, this fear—

Opiates - the only thing that could help with PTSD symptoms— but no doctor would give her any, not anymore, because she was a fucking addict, she had messed that up too, and now the only way through these fucking flashbacks and anxiety attacks were these fucking breathing exercises that did no good.

Not real. Just a fucking flashback. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

Slowly she came back to, the feeling of cold floor tiles against her bloodied cheek vanished, the taste of blood melted away. Kat was still dead, but it wasn't happening now, it had happened almost two years ago—

Two years. In a couple of months, it would be two years since Kat's death, and still, Sky was stuck in that moment.

Dragging in deep, shaky breaths one after another, Sky forced her eyes open. She was on her knees on the bed. Cody's bed. Her fingers were gripping the sheet, her breathing was thin, strained, painful— and someone was there next to her, holding a hand on her shoulder.

"Sky— It's okay, it's gonna be okay— just breathe, breathe through it—" Cody's voice was thick with worry, his words melted together. "It's okay, just breathe, I'm here—"

The shock clenched Sky's chest, taking her breath.

The gun. It lay on the bed, next to the pillow, dark and cold and vicious on the white sheets. Dark against the white floor tiles that were painted red with blood. Real. It was real. Nothing was ever going to be okay.

"Don't touch me!" She gasped and shoved Cody's hand away, crawling out of the bed in panic. "What the fuck is— what the fuck's wrong with you?!"

She backed away from him, from the bed, to get as much distance between her and the gun, until her back hit the opposite wall. She couldn't take her eyes off the gun. Sky knew nothing about guns, but Oh God, Oh God, Oh God, it looked exactly like the one Matt had owned, the one that had fallen from his pale fingers onto the floor tiles. Her chest was breaking, collapsing, her breathing was too fast, too shallow, she felt like she would throw up.

"I'm sorry. Jesus Christ, Sky—" Cody tried to follow her, but she held up a hand and he stopped mid-motion, fell back on his knees on the bed, shirtless, the belt and the buttons of his jeans still open.

"A gun?" That was barely more than a gasp. "You— you have a gun? What— what the fuck? You take me to your bed— with— with a fucking gun?"

He looked like her words caused him pain. His lips trembled, he barely got the words out. "I didn't mean to. I— I forgot. I forgot it was there."

"You forgot?!" Suddenly her voice was thick with tears, the salty taste filled her mouth. "How the fuck do you forget you have a fucking gun in your bed!? Do you— what? Sleep with it every night? Why— why do you even have one? I don't understand."

"For self-defense. I— I've been keeping it close at night, because—" Cody looked down, licked his lips. His voice had a slight tremor, a hint of panic and fear. "After I quit selling the drugs… I've been getting these calls. And threats. I— I think it's Enrique, the guy I used to work for. He wasn't happy when I quit, and— I'm scared that he's gonna try something."

Sky's chest felt hollow, she was shivering. Clutching her aching chest, she leaned her back against the wall, and it was cold, cold, so cold against her naked skin. Cody's T-shirt she'd been wearing, was still on the bed, but so was the gun and Sky wasn't going to take one step closer to it.

"Do you owe them money? Or what? What's it about? What are you scared of?"

"No I don't owe them money," Cody let out a tense breath. "I guess it's just pride. I was his guy, and when I left, it made him look bad. He said I'd need to watch my back. That he knows where I live."

"Then— you need to call the police! Jesus, Cody—"

"I can't call the police! I'm an ex-drug dealer!" His voice broke with sudden emotion. "God, Sky— You're so fucking naive! You— you were so happy to buy the pills, but did you ever stop to think where they came from? What people had to do to sell them? What I had to do? You don't know these people, Sky— they are monsters! There is nothing they won't do. The gun— it's for protection, it's the only thing I have."

Every broken, desperate word that left Cody's lips was a bullet through Sky's heart. She started crying. Tears burned in her eyes, in her throat, the hot taste of salt was drowning her. Cody had never yelled at her before— or maybe he had? He had been angry at the party when he had found out about the drugs— but she had been so fucking high that she couldn't even remember if he had yelled.

Tears were running down her cheeks in rivers. Was he right? Was she being naive, was she overreacting? But God, just the sight of the gun that still lay on the bed, knocked the strength out of her body, turned her knees into jello.

"I can't— I don't want to see it— I can't even be in the same room with it," she whimpered, the fear breaking her voice. "Cody— I don't think— that I can keep dating someone who owns a gun."

He looked like she had punched him in the gut. His eyes went wide, his face so pale it was wither than the sheets. His chest rose with a fast, ragged breath, and then he was on his feet, crying, tears streaming down his face.

"Sky, no—" he groaned, his whole body tense, agonized, his lips drawn back revealing his teeth. "Please, don't say that— no, no, come on, please, don't break up with me. God, I'll do anything—"

She looked up to meet his eyes, but all she could see were his tears, his pain, and she hated herself, hated herself so much for causing those tears. She had never wanted to cause pain to him and now— Oh, how many times she had thought about breaking up with him, during this past week, but now that it came down to it, she realized crystal clear that she didn't want to do it. She loved him, she wanted him, she wanted to fix things between them, not to end them, she wanted a future with him, she needed his love, needed his kindness, needed everything about him—

"Anything?" she breathed. "So— you'll get rid of the gun?"

He stood rigid in front of her, his lips were trembling. "I— I can't. Please, ask anything— anything but that."

A new wave of tears flooded her eyes, her cheeks.

With shaking hands, she grabbed a random T-shirt that was folded on a chair next to the door and pulled it on to cover her nakedness. The shirt smelled like Cody, like old books and cotton and his spicy aftershave, and everything about that smell was good and kind and passionate, it went to her heart like an arrow, shattering it to pieces. If only she had her own clothes, but she couldn't even remember where they were, she had undressed in the basement where the home spa was, her clothes had been all wet and dirty from chasing the fish in the pond, and he had said "Let's go to my place, the house is empty. We cloudy use the steam room and the jacuzzi if you want." Oh, God, that felt like a thousand years ago now, being at the dojo, taking off her clothes, being at the steam room with Cody, wrapped in a towel, having coffee in his kitchen just talking, they had all happened in another lifetime, they had happened in someone else's life.

She yanked the door open and rushed to the hallway, wiping her cheeks. Away, she had to get away—

"Sky, please— please don't go—!" Cody followed her, buttoning up his jeans, panic making his voice tremble. "Come on— do you want to see me dead? Is that it? Or David and Leigh? What if Enrique comes into my house at night— he won't hesitate to shoot all of us in our beds—!"

"I don't wanna see you dead— I don't wanna see anybody dead!" Sky rushed down the stairs, tears blinding her vision. "Guns kill people! I don't ever want to be near one again, for the rest of my fucking life! You want me to stay? Fine - throw the damn thing away!"

They had reached downstairs. Sky's pink sneakers were on the floor next to the door in a pool of muddy water, next to Cody's expensive black ones that were equally dirty and wet. Not caring about the fact that her feet would get wet, Sky stepped into her shoes, struggling to tie the laces as tears flowed down her face, splashing onto the wet floor.

When she straightened, Cody was standing between her and the door. He was still barefoot, shirtless, the belt of his jeans hung open. His chest was heaving with fast, broken breaths and his eyes were wide, tear-filled.

Seeing him like that broke Sky's heart. She hated to see him cry, hated the pain and fear in his eyes. She had promised to make him happy, but now—

Everything was falling apart.

"Sky, please," he breathed, his voice strained and broken. "Don't go. Let's talk about this—"

"There's nothing to talk about. Get rid of the fucking gun, and then, maybe, we can talk."

Hurt flashed on his face, he ran a shaky hand through his hair but didn't move.

"Look— I understand that you're upset, I fucked up, but it was an accident— I'm not your ex, Sky, I'm not him. I'm not gonna hurt you. I've never even used the gun, I've only fired it at the range."

"You've never used it? Seriously? Like when you were still selling, you never pulled the gun on someone?"

His jawline went hard, he looked down and drew in a shaky, shallow breath. "Sky, I— I've never—"

A horrible coldness spread to Sky's chest, freezing her lungs, her heart. She could barely breathe. From somewhere far away came the memory of the day when he'd sat on her bed, a haunted, agonized look in his dark eyes, his voice saying "I almost fucking killed Kyler Park— Had you seen me like that, you would have fucking hated me." And she had thought he had meant by fists, but now, suddenly, everything clicked to place.

The next day Hawk had tried to tell her. He had said: "You know? You know what he did?- He's violent and crazy, a fucking lunatic."

She was going to be sick. The floor was crumbling under her feet.

"You— you pulled the gun on Kyler?"

Cody looked up, meeting her eyes and the look on his face told her the truth even before he spoke. She had never seen him like this - utterly still, as if he was a statue, as if all life had left him.

"I did."

"You lied to me," tears made her voice raw, her whole body was shivering. She knew she was being unreasonable - hadn't she lied to him a thousand times? But the words were spilling from her trembling lips, and she couldn't stop them, didn't even want to. "You lied to me about it! You— you fucking knew how I'd react, so you didn't tell me—"

"I tried!" His voice broke with sudden emotion. "I told you I almost killed him, but you— you didn't want to hear—"

"I told you not to do anything about Kyler! And you— you what? You pulled the gun on him? You almost shot him? Oh my god, Cody, who the fuck does that? I— I don't even know who you are!"

"I was trying to protect you! He had hurt you! I had to do something—"

"Get the hell out of my way—" Sky pushed past him, yanking open the front door, tears forming rivers down her cheeks, her neck. The scar on her shoulder was still aching, pulsating with pain, or maybe it wasn't the scar, maybe it was her breaking heart, her legs were so weak they barely carried her. Out, she had to get out, oh God, she was going to be sick, here at his front door, she was going to be sick—

"Sky, wait— please—" Cody's hand was on her arm, grabbing her, trying to stop her, but she shoved him away.

"Don't touch me! Don't— just don't. I want nothing to do with this, this— the gun and you— just let me go!"

"What— what the fuck do you mean? Are you—" He paused to draw in a pained, strangled breath. "Are you breaking up with me?"

That question stopped Sky. She was fighting the dizziness and the nausea, but the ache was in her bones, it felt like she was crumbling to pieces from within.

"I don't know," she whimpered. "Maybe— maybe I need a break."

He looked like she had hit him. His knees almost gave in, he had to grab the doorway to be able to stay on his feet.

"This isn't about the gun, is it?" He rasped, bitterness taking over his features. "This is about Hawk. Just be honest, for once. You're dumping me for him."

Sudden anger flashed through Sky's chest. She hadn't even thought about Hawk all this afternoon. She'd left karate with Cody, she'd been in his bed, she'd wanted to make love to him, she had wanted to fix things between them, but it meant nothing to him, it had all been in vain, she didn't even know who he was, and he would never trust her.

"Fuck you!" She seethed through her tears and left.