Episode 2: A Study in Turnabout
Part 6: The Nose Knows
July 11th, 12:44 PM
Downtown Zootopia - Badge & O'Possum Law Offices
They thought they had been prepared for the worst.
But that was only because they assumed losing the case was the worst possible outcome. And in a way, they had. They just hadn't expected to lose it quite like this.
None of them were quite sure what to do now. They knew they probably should be doing paperwork of some kind, as there was bound to be a ton, but they weren't. Instead, Eric was staring listlessly at a blank document like a writer with free time, Millie was huddled up in a ball on the couch, and Delilah sat next to her, tossing an actual rubber ball repeatedly into the wall with her tail.
Despite working out of a shabby apartment room, they had never felt so unlike lawyers as they did at this moment.
Delilah finally caught the ball in her hand. "I hate this case."
Eric looked up. "You don't mean that."
"No, I do. That mansion, or manor, or whatever the hell's the difference, is full of the lyingest bunch of assholes I've ever met. And that's just the ones who actually bothered to talk to us."
"Every mammal we've spoken to has lied to us," Eric had to agree. "Even our client."
"Especially our client."
"And we were literally hired by a convicted killer," Millie added, muffled by her sweater.
"That reminds me…" Delilah turned to the polecat, still huddled up next to her. "Why didn't your super sniffer pick up on what Sunny and Ria were hiding?"
Millie's head slowly poked out. "That cheetah lady smelled too funky. Kinda just made me dizzy."
"And Sunny?"
"He's always anxious."
"Dang. Would've been handy to have a living lie detector on standby."
Millie's ears pinned, her head withdrawing back into the sweater.
"No, wait, I didn't mean…!" Delilah sighed. "What a mess."
"Perhaps it's for the best if we just move on," Eric suggested. "Our client doesn't want us anyway, and are we not meant to respect his wishes?"
"Yeah, maybe you're right!" Delilah agreed. "Heck with him! I don't even want this case anymore!"
"Oh, well, that should make this easier then."
They all turned to the door, that apparently no one had bothered to lock, where Pierce Pierson now stood. The white-suited, pristine porcupine stuck out so much in this environment that he was impossible to ignore.
As much as they wanted to. "Ugh. What do you want?" Delilah groaned.
"The case, obviously," he replied, glancing around the room. He didn't say anything about their office outright, but his internal monologue must have been scathing. "You may have bested Lila in your little contest, but seeing as how you've managed to screw up the trial enough to get fired, I'm afraid it's open season again."
Her eyes narrowed. "Then your partner is…"
He smiled. "Negotiating the transfer with Ms. Sang as we speak."
"Why come all the way here just to tell us that?" Eric asked. "Looking to rub it in?"
"To be honest, I was mostly curious to see what it was about you that she finds so interesting."
"And?"
Pierson took a second glance. "And I don't. So that's about all I have time for, it seems. If you'll excuse me, I have an important meeting in a back-alley with a mammal who may or may not be a doctor. Be seeing you."
He turned and stepped through the door before pausing. "…Actually, no. I suppose I won't."
And then he was gone.
A moment later, Delilah stood up. "I'll be back."
"Where are you going?" Eric asked.
She picked up her ball and tossed it dramatically out the window. "Prison."
Then she left.
Somewhere outside, there was a loud thunk of a ball hitting something, followed by Pierson shouting "Ow!"
"Should... we go after her?" Millie asked, peeking out in concern.
Eric considered it for a moment, but shook his head. "No. If the incident at the Burger Alpha drive-through has taught me anything, there's no stopping her once she's decided on something."
1:32 PM
Sahara Square - Southeast Zootopia Small Mammal Penitentiary
Delilah instantly regretted wearing her black trench coat; it was already sweltering as soon as the bus entered the district. By the time it reached her stop, the driver had to wake her from another casual coma mistaken for heat stroke.
Or was it heat stroke mistaken for a coma? Oh well, too late to check now.
The bus dropped her off just outside the gates of the local prison for the height-challenged and then drove far, far away. For a small mammal pen, it still towered over her almost oppressively, bleak gray walls on every side. She had to remind herself that she was only here to visit before mustering the courage to step into the front office. "Hey, uh, these are visiting hours, right?"
(Oh yeah, that'll make it look like you know what you're doing.) Then again, maybe she didn't want to fit in too well here.
She didn't even get a response. But to be fair, the staff seemed to be occupied with something else at the moment.
"—And while it wasn't violent, because of Ms. Sang's constant outgoing messages, there is now a widespread boycott on Chick Fill Er's sandwiches," said a middle-aged quokka in a red sweater and beige khakis to the armadillo attendant behind the desk. "So please make sure the representatives from Chandler's Chicken aren't able to contact her again. Oh, hello!" He turned to the possum, smiling broadly. "I'm Warden Smiles! How may I help you?"
(I have questions about that name.) "I, um... wanted to visit Lucy Sang," Delilah replied.
"Are you from any chicken companies?" Smiles asked, sounding (but not looking) concerned.
"No?"
"The People's Republic of Chordea?"
"Uh... no?"
"Her fan club?"
"I'm one of the lawyers she hired," Delilah explained before he could guess again.
"Really?" he asked curiously. "That's odd, because one of the lawyers she hired is already speaking with her. In fact, I believe she specifically told me that if a 'smelly garbage kitty' came in claiming to be a lawyer, that she's probably another criminal trying to break her out." At this point, the smile was starting to get unnerving.
(Getting REAL sick of them doing that.) "It's a long story, but I am a lawyer. See?" She dug through some pocket lint just to flash her attorney's badge at him.
For once, that actually seemed to be the right move. "So you are," Smiles acknowledged. "Now I hope you don't think I was taking that lawyer's words seriously. It was obviously just a playful joke." He gave a laugh, before turning and beckoning her down the hall. "I mean, what are the odds of her pulling another organized breakout?" he chuckled under his breath, not quite quietly enough.
Delilah suddenly had more than one reason to get this done ASAP.
Thankfully, the inside of the prison actually had air conditioning. Delilah made her way to the visitation area, which was much larger and more crowded than the detention center with several different booths for speaking to prisoners.
But she found Lucy pretty easily just by following Lilac's voice. "—She's rude, she smells, and there are pictures online of her with a whole zucchini in—"
Lucy, who was boredly sitting and listening to the skunkette rant, looked like she hadn't been sleeping much, with bags under her bloodshot eyes. As soon as she caught sight of Delilah, she raised a wing to shut Lilac up. "Speak of the devil."
Lilac turned, smiling insincerely at the possum standing behind her. "Well, well. Here to grovel for another chance?"
"I'm here to talk to Ms. Sang," Delilah said simply. "Beyond that is none of your business."
"Oh, but it is my business," she replied. "A business that you have already been encroaching on for far too long. If you want to speak to her so badly, you'll just have to wait your turn."
"It's her turn," Lucy said. "You can leave."
Lilac whipped back around. From her position, Delilah could see her single eye widen in the reflection of the glass. "E-Excuse me?"
"You're excused." Lucy waved her wing. "Now shoo."
She stood up abruptly, turning to give Delilah a very special stink-eye. "Try not to muck this up any further," she advised before brushing past her, bushy tail smacking her in the face as she stormed out.
(At least I didn't have to duel her again.) That had been shockingly easy, all things considered.
Probably because the hard part was yet to come. "Sit," Lucy ordered, managing to be intimidating despite being a fraction of her size and behind a glass wall.
Delilah sat, knowing better than to argue. "Listen, I—"
Lucy glared at her hard enough to instantly silence her. "You should have ended it when you had the chance. You had everyone on your side. All you had to do is point out that the trash panda was the one making the claim and had to prove it himself. You didn't. Now Monty's in an even deeper pile of guano than he was before."
Delilah blinked. "So you were watching."
"Of course I was!" she snapped. "What's your game? You gonna milk me for money and run?! Because if you think for a second that you'll get away with that, I'll—!" Lucy caught herself, biting her lower lip to restrain her anger. She took several deep breaths, and spoke in a slightly calmer tone. "I am NOT letting what happened to me happen to Monty."
"What happened to…you?" Delilah echoed. "Won't lie, I'm not really up to date on your backstory."
Lucy didn't look like she was in the mood to share it either, but after a moment, she let out a sigh. "Might as well. My therapist says it's healthy to talk about it. Of course, then I start going into detail about all of my victims and suddenly she's like too much information! Sheesh, make up your mind."
Delilah wasn't sure if she should laugh or not.
Before she could decide, Lucy continued. "Anyway, the literal bloodbath of my existence all started in a courtroom. I'd been accused of the one murder I actually didn't commit: my own brother's."
"Ouch." she winced. "And they found you guilty?"
"Sure did. Pretty quickly too. And this was before all that 'initial trial system' nonsense they do now. Having three days wouldn't have made much of a difference when mine was over in one."
"It is pretty different though," Delilah said, rubbing one arm. "Rick, Kyle, and I used to play these make-believe courtroom games when we were kits, but we didn't think they would ever be so close to reality. The big shift was only a few years before we graduated, too…"
"It is what it is," Lucy said with a shrug. "I was probably screwed regardless. Though there is one thing that might've helped."
"What's that?"
"Tooth & Claw."
Lucy looked up at her, seeing the possum frozen to her seat. "What? You didn't think I kicked out that Clawyer because I was offended by her principles, did you? Sure, they're dirty and unscrupulous and lacking in moral fiber, etc., but you know what else? They get results. And if they had been around back then, maybe they could've saved me. Which would've saved a whole lot more lives in the long run."
"We would've fought for you too," Delilah insisted. "Fairly."
"And you would've lost. Unfairly. But thanks for the sentiment."
She didn't want to argue the point further. If she even could. "Then why?" she asked. "Why even ask us to defend Monty if Tooth & Claw was your first choice all along?"
"Honestly… it was a shot in the dark," Lucy admitted. "They were my first choice, but… I'm trying to be better. I'd like to believe in a little inherent goodness for once. So I gave the new guys a chance. I wasn't ready to just put my trust in you right away, but I gave you a chance."
"Through some flashy contest?"
"It's what I do."
"Well... you're trying to do good stuff now too, right? May as well side with the good guys."
Lucy actually guffawed out loud. "Let's get something straight here, corpse rat. I am not, and never will be, a 'good guy'. Sure, some bad stuff you can come back from, but I think I've done just a nip too much."
Delilah really couldn't argue that. Yet she caught the unspoken part of what Lucy said. "But you still wanna try."
Lucy sighed through her nose. "I met someone better than me. She tells me I don't have the right to just lay back and die."
There was a beat of silence, until Delilah broke it. "Y'know... I don't got no tragic backstory. I ain't doin' what I do to get revenge, or prove a point, or anything like that."
"So why do you do it?" Lucy asked.
"Because I was a little farm girl from the Marshlands who got addicted to courtroom dramas during the hour of TV I was allowed a week," Delilah replied. "I saw people crying when they got proven innocent, and just thought... I wanna help people like that."
Lucy snorted, looking away. But Delilah could see her side-eyeing her. "Didn't you used to be a civil lawyer?"
"To start with, yeah. But even if Rick was against it, I was always kinda hoping to work my way up to criminal law," she admitted. "I just got obsessed. I wanted to be a defense attorney. That's the good I wanted to do. 'Course, my family wasn't too happy that I didn't wanna work on the farm, so I ran away to go to college."
"Wait, so you just like… ditched your family?"
She flinched. "W-Well, it's a bit more complicated than that, but I guess you're not that far off. I haven't seen any of them in years, don't know if they even still think about me. My dad probably hates me. I did try to go back once, but…"
"Cute story. Can we cut to the lesson of the week? I got a nephew to save."
"Well... I guess what I'm saying is, maybe find some kinda good you wanna do," Delilah said, desperately hoping she didn't come off as too preachy. "Can't say what you did doesn't matter. Lotta folks want you dead, including yourself. But you're alive, and you're stuck that way. Either you can act like a pet rooster in a coop causing chaos, or you can find some good you wanna do, and do it."
Lucy looked troubled, so she did what came naturally to her, and changed the subject. "How's this supposed to convince me to re-hire you?"
"It ain't," the possum replied. "Just seemed like something you needed to hear."
Lucy was silent for a while.
"Hell with it, you're re-hired," she finally said.
"Wait, really?" Delilah asked. "Because, you know, I didn't actually say I wanted to take the case again…"
"Don't be a smartass," the bat said, rolling her eyes. "Let's just say it's some good I wanna do and leave it at that. Plus, that skunk was seriously testing my patience."
Delilah smiled. "Thanks, Lucy."
"Just don't fuck it up again." She leaned back in her seat, wings behind her head. "And don't worry about Monty. He seems to have forgotten who's actually in charge of his defense. I'll give him a reminder."
(Not sure if that was more wholesome or threatening, but I'll take it.)
As she left the prison, looking way too happy to not be a criminal, Delilah quickly phoned up Eric. "Hey, Rick! Meet me back at the detention center on the double! We've got another shot!"
A sudden vroom caught her ear. She turned just in time to see the back end of a white limousine disappear around the corner.
"Delilah?" Eric's voice called. "Can you hear me?"
"Uh… yeah. I'm here. See you in a bit."
(Are they spying on me now? Whatever, probably just jealous they lost the case to us again. I better get moving.)
1:56 PM
Rainforest District - Detention Center
After regrouping, the lawyers and their assistant headed back on the trusty Justicyle to visit their much less trusty client. Delilah insisted on taking lead but she at least had mercy on the poor, abused plants at the detention center this time.
The squirrel receptionist barely glanced up at them as they passed by, only raising a paw to give an unenthused thumbs-up as they entered the visitor's room.
Monty was already there, most likely expecting Tooth & Claw's lawyers to visit him again. As was evident by his demeanor.
"This is wonderful tea, Mr. Gosland," said the antelope guard, sipping from a cup.
"Why thank you, good fellow. It isn't easy to make here, but your gratitude is its own reward," Monty replied, partaking in a cup of his own. He still looked just as scary as he did at the end of the trial, but otherwise seemed to have returned to normal.
Up until he noticed them. "You!" he yelled, smashing his teacup against the desk and holding it up like a broken beer bottle. "Haven't you good fellows—I mean, no-good sons of bitches taken a hint?!"
Eric held up a finger. "Wait for it."
The antelope guard's cell phone chimed. He pulled it out. "Hello?"
"There it is," Delilah said, smirking.
The guard's pupils slowly shrank to pinpricks. He held the phone out to Monty. "It's for you."
Monty snatched away the phone. "Who the hell is—Oh! Aunt Lucy! It's so wonderful to... Yes. Yes. Well no, auntie, I just... Please don't do that. No! Of course I didn't mean to make you cry. I just…"
He sighed, flopping down in defeat. "No. Yes, you're right. I know they're just trying to help... Yes, the guards are being perfect gentlemammals. You might like them. Yes, I'm drinking enough water. Alright. I'll do as you say… I love you too."
He hung up, but didn't look happy as he handed the phone back to the guard. "Well, it looks like you win."
"Funny. Still not feeling like a winner." Delilah folded her arms. "Let's be clear. It is my choice to defend your sorry ass again, a choice I am free to retract at any time. So let's have a do-over. I'm going to ask you questions about the day of the murder, and this time you're going to answer them truthfully, or else I will walk out on you with zero regrets. Got it?"
Monty tried to glare, but didn't have the heart for it. "...Very well. I see now that my efforts to go down with this ship are well and truly beached. Ask away."
"You wanted to get caught," Delilah accused. "Why?"
"To ensure Humphrey didn't," Monty replied simply. "He has more to lose than I do."
"A noble action, if not for the horror of it," Eric muttered.
"So what really happened on the day of the murder?" Delilah asked.
"Apart from what you uncovered in court this morning, it was actually much like I said," Monty explained. "Humphrey gave me the knife and Sunny unwittingly smuggled me into the study. Not realizing Lord Tigre was already dead, I then stabbed him in the back of the neck and fled out the window, closing it behind me. Sunny and Ria then caught me in the servant's quarters before I could conceal the knife amidst my own belongings. I figured it would at least look like I was trying to hide my crime that way."
"Then the footprints and the lapel pin you left at the scene," she recalled. "You left those behind on purpose?"
At that, he actually looked a little embarrassed. "As much as I would like to say yes, I did promise to tell the truth. No, I genuinely made those blunders by complete accident. But I've always been a lousy criminal, a trait I inherited from my mother, so I sort of figured I'd screw it up somehow."
(Well, I do know he's being honest now.) "Hmm. When do you last remember wearing that pin?"
Monty furrowed his brow, swishing his tea around in thought. "…That morning, just before breakfast. It's normally out of my sight, so I wouldn't notice if it was missing right away, but I distinctly remember taking it off to polish it before we sat down. I'm just not sure where exactly."
"Do you remember putting it back on?" Eric asked, seeing what she was getting at. "If not, it's possible it could have been swiped and planted by someone else."
He thought it over for a moment. "It's a possibility," he said. "But not one I'm sure is going to help you."
"Why's that?" Delilah asked.
"Because if that's where I left my lapel pin, then basically anyone could have taken it," he explained. "Though I guess it couldn't have been Humphrey. He already knew I was planning to take the fall and would have no reason to try and frame me."
(So the only one it clears as a suspect… is the guy we're pretty sure didn't do it anyway. Awesome.)
Lapel Pin updated in the Court Record
Monty's Testimony updated in the Court Record
"Did you see anything unusual when you were inside the study?" she asked, knowing she was grasping if she was relying on this guy's powers of observation.
"I'm afraid not," he said with a thoughtful frown. "It looked just the same as always, minus the spilled ashtray I failed to notice. At the time, I was fully focused on committing the murder, so all of my attention was on Lord Tigre."
(That does explain a lot.) "Thanks anyway…"
"Although…"
She perked up. "Yes?"
"Now that you mention it, there is one thing that struck me as odd," Monty mused. "But it's so minor, I doubt it means anything."
"We'll take what we can get right now," Eric stated. "What is it?"
"You have a photograph of Lord Tigre's desk, yes?" Monty asked. "Could you please show it to me?"
"Of course," Delilah said, looking to Millie who was quick to provide the photo in question. Then she pressed it up against the glass.
Monty squinted at the image for a while, likely regretting the decision to destroy his glasses. But finally, he gave a nod. "I see. So it was like that. I wondered if it was just my imagination."
"What's wrong?"
"Do you see the bronze figurine in that picture? The one at the corner of the desk?"
Delilah flipped the photo around and looked, quickly finding the figurine in question. It was pretty fancy, but also pretty menacing, depicting Lord Tigre himself holding up a fake sword with what looked like a very real point. Its proficiency with weapons was appropriate, as it also stared daggers into her soul. "Ugh. Yeah, we saw this thing when we were looking over the crime scene. What about it?"
"Like I said, I'm not sure if this means anything, but… it's facing the wrong way," Monty explained. "Normally, it's turned around, facing out the window."
"What? Are you sure?"
"Very. That's precisely why it stuck out to me. Imagine stabbing someone to death, only to then see their little metal face glaring at you. It leaves quite an impression."
(I'd rather NOT imagine that, but I'll take your word for it.)
Bronze Figurine added to the Court Record
"That is weird…" (Maybe someone else could've gotten into that room. Or maybe Lord Tigre just really wanted to look at himself.)
Both were a possibility, but she couldn't prove anything yet. Best to move on. "So you really meant it when you said how close you were to Lady Tigre."
"I've worked for the Tigres since I was rather young," he reiterated, sighing wistfully. "It would be no exaggeration to say that Lady Tigre was like a second mother to me. I would do anything to protect her and Lara, even at the cost of my own freedom."
Delilah chose not to comment on his use of the past tense there.
"That explains why you went barmy in the courtroom earlier," Eric acknowledged.
"Barmy?"
He ignored her. "What about the other servants?"
"I'm afraid I don't know," Monty admitted. "You could ask Lady Tigre. I believe she recruited all of us in a similar manner."
Delilah scoffed. "Yeah, well, she hasn't been too keen on opening up so far."
"She can be a pretty closed-off mammal…"
"No, I mean she literally shut a door on us and refused to open it. We could've made her testify if we got her on the stand, buuuuut…"
He sighed in frustration. "Yes, I get it. I screwed up. I'm sorry, I just panicked. She's been through enough. I didn't want to see her dragged into this trial as well. Not for the likes of me."
(You really can't buy that kind of loyalty. I'd admire it more if it wasn't so inconvenient for us.)
"Let me ask you something," Monty suddenly said. "How do you intend to handle this case moving forward? Are you still going to argue for an accidental death? Because all of this talk about the evidence and whatnot makes me wonder…"
"We're just looking at every angle!" Delilah said quickly. "But so far, an accident does seem most likely."
Unseen by either of them, Millie frowned at her.
Monty relaxed in relief, finally sipping his tea again. "Good. That would be the best outcome, even if it upsets Sunny. I just don't want any ill happenings to come upon either of the remaining Tigres."
He wasn't really in a position to give thinly-veiled threats anymore, but he also wasn't letting a little thing like that stop him. A trait he may have inherited from his aunt rather than his mother.
"One last question," Delilah said. "What really kicked this all off? It wasn't just the firings. Something had to trigger that in the first place."
Monty hesitated, looking guilty. "I'm... sorry. But that's not my story to tell."
"Even now?" Eric asked, biting back some frustration himself. "After you just swore to be honest with us?"
"I am being honest," he insisted. "And I can at least tell you who to ask if you really must know. It's… Chef Humphrey."
"Humphrey?" Delilah scratched her head. "I thought we were done with that guy."
"Well, we don't have to go far to talk to him," Eric pointed out. "He should be in this same detention center. But whether he wants to talk to us is a different matter entirely."
"…I think I can help," Millie piped up. "Now that we've got him here, I mean. I have something in mind that I've been meaning to try out."
Eric smiled at her, bigger than his usual polite grins. "Really? I'm eager to see that."
They turned to leave, but before they could, Monty spoke up. "...Do you really believe in my innocence, Ms. O'Possum?"
Delilah hesitated. "Yeah."
"Really?" He sounded doubtful. "Even if I failed, I certainly tried to kill Lord Tigre."
"I know, but—"
"Literally the only reason I'm not guilty is the sheer technicality that someone else got to him first."
"I get that, it's just—"
"If it weren't for that, this case would be exactly as open and shut as first described. I stabbed him, he died."
"I'm aware of the irony, really—"
"And it's not as if I even feel remorse over wanting to kill him. To be honest, I'm still a bit remorseful that I didn't actually do it."
Hold it!
Delilah sighed, running a hand over a budding headache. "Maybe so. But you're still my client and you still deserve a fair trial. That's what it means to be a defense attorney."
Eric looked pleasantly surprised by her answer, while Monty just went quiet again.
"…I suppose I can't argue that." Even if it sort of looked like he wanted to. "Just… try not to dredge up the past any more than necessary."
"We'll see," she replied, not ready to commit to anything else as they headed out of the room.
2:12 PM
They managed to call Chef Humphrey to a different interview room, without revealing who had asked for him. The camel looked much smaller without his back kitchen, and just looked plain wrong without his chef hat. All that salt and pepper must have been considered dangerous contraband.
Immediately upon seeing them, he slammed his hooves on the table in front of him. "HEY!"
"Ah!" Delilah almost played dead, but Eric caught her and put her back upright.
"You have a lot of gristle to be here!" Humphrey snapped. "I hope your eggs are always slightly underdone so they have that gross goo on top of them. I hope any chocolate you ever have melts in an overly warm car next to an open can of expired anchovies. I hope you CHOKE on a PINEAPPLE PIZZA!"
"Calm yourself!" Eric interrupted sternly. "Right now, your innocence is tied to Monty's. It's in your best interest to tell us everything you know."
He calmed himself, but only slightly, folding his arms and looking away with a huff. "Hate to break it to you then, but I've already told you everything I know."
Delilah glared. "Come on, we both know that's a lie."
"You're right. I actually quite enjoyed breaking it to you."
"I mean, you still haven't told us what went down at breakfast the day of the murder, and there's no way you don't know given that you cooked for it."
"Fine. Maybe I do know," he conceded. "But why should I tell you? My best interest? Please. It was your 'best interest' to save Monty that put me here in the first place, and you couldn't manage to save him anyway."
"But you can if you help us uncover the truth behind Lord Tigre's death," Delilah pressed. "Don't you wanna know how it happened?"
He shrugged. "Honestly, not so much. I wanted him dead but I don't really care who got to him first. Hell, I'd shake their paw and sit them down for a four-course meal on the house."
(How can he see a murder mystery and NOT want to solve it?! He really IS part machine!)
It was then that the least talkative among them decided to step in. "I-I have a proposal," Millie suggested, still muffled. "What if we were to guess what happened at breakfast? Then would you tell us?"
That gave the camel some pause. If nothing else, the idea had certainly thrown him for a loop. "And how exactly do you expect to do that? You don't even know where to start."
She flinched a little, but didn't back down. "W-Why don't you tell us again about that day," she said. "Your version of events. I-I bet then I can figure out what it is that you're hiding."
The two lawyers just stared at her.
(Is this what she was talking about before? But how could she possibly…?)
Humphrey was just as stumped, but his curiosity got the better of him. "Alright, you little egg noodle, you've got yourself a deal. I'll give it to you again, from the top."
Millie closed her eyes and pulled down her sweater, uncovering her nose. She took a few sniffs. Yes, she could smell him clearly now, even through the glass, without the strong scents of the kitchen getting in the way.
And if she could smell him, there was nothing he could hide.
Sniff Sniff
Interrogation Scentsation!
Chef Humphrey folded his arms and began to speak. She heard his words, but she could smell so much more. Everything he felt that day was as clear to her as an open book, and her nose was an avid reader.
"That morning, most of the household got together and sat down for breakfast. I was busy preparing the Delishafish for Lord Tigre."
Joy: ***
Anger:
Sorrow:
Fear:
"Even though I botched it the first time, I stuck to my griddles and persevered."
Joy: ***
Anger: *
Sorrow:
Fear:
"And finally, I did it! A perfect Delishafish dish for the lord of the house!"
Joy: *****
Anger:
Sorrow:
Fear: *
"But that fancy feast wasn't to Tigre's liking! He didn't eat a bite of it!"
Joy: ***
Anger: ***
Sorrow:
Fear: *
"Worse than that, he suddenly announced that he was firing the lot of us!"
Joy:
Anger: ***
Sorrow:
Fear: ***
"I laid into him with the wrath of a hundred health inspectors, but that stubborn cat wouldn't budge an inch!"
Joy:
Anger: *****
Sorrow: ***
Fear: *****
"So when Monty approached me, I agreed to help him take revenge."
Joy:
Anger: ***
Sorrow: *****
Fear:
Eric gave a sigh. "That does sound like the story we've heard thus far. I didn't hear anything contradictory."
Millie smiled. "Maybe not, but I did smell something funny."
"What do you mean?" Delilah asked.
"Evidence might not be the only thing that can contradict a testimony," the polecat explained. "I think I found some discrepancies between what he's saying and what he actually felt at the time."
"W-What?" Humphrey grew a bit paler. "And what difference does that make?!"
"Let's find out, shall we?" Millie closed her eyes again. "As you said, from the top."
"That morning, most of the household got together and sat down for breakfast. I was busy preparing the Delishafish for Lord Tigre."
Joy: ***
Anger:
Sorrow:
Fear:
"Even though I botched it the first time, I stuck to my griddles and persevered."
Joy: ***
Anger: *
Sorrow:
Fear:
"And finally, I did it! A perfect Delishafish dish for the lord of the house!"
Joy: *****
Anger:
Sorrow:
Fear: *
"But that fancy feast wasn't to Tigre's liking! He didn't eat a bite of it!"
Joy: ***
Anger: ***
Sorrow:
Fear: *
Aha!
Humphrey jumped at her sudden exclamation, rubbing sore ears. "A set of lungs that small should not be able to get that loud."
"Sorry! I'll work on the volume!" Millie said bashfully. "But still! I smelled joy on you just now. A lot of it too. You were in a pretty good mood that morning, huh?"
"So what if I was?" he huffed. "I was preparing a rare delicacy for the first time. Of course my spirits were high!"
"And yet, despite being angry over Lord Tigre rejecting your hard work, your joy was only slightly dampened!"
Humphrey recoiled as if he'd burned himself on a stove. "W-Well obviously! It was still a pretty big accomplishment!"
Millie shook her head. "Then why do I smell fear right now? You're lying about something. And while I don't know what the truth is, I think…"
- You didn't actually make the fish.
- He still complimented you.
- You were happy about something else.
"...The Delishafish wasn't what you were happy about, was it?" Millie accused. "You had something else keeping you in good spirits."
Humphrey gritted his teeth. "I-I refuse to answer! You said you were going to guess what happened. I have no obligation to help you do that."
"Fine with me!" Millie said, looking all too pleased with herself. She wasn't yet ready to give up her time in the spotlight anyway. "That wasn't the only discrepancy I found. Please continue."
"Very well…"
"Worse than that, he suddenly announced that he was firing the lot of us!"
Joy:
Anger: ***
Sorrow:
Fear: ***
"I laid into him with the wrath of a hundred health inspectors, but that stubborn cat wouldn't budge an inch!"
Joy:
Anger: *****
Sorrow: ***
Fear: *****
"So when Monty approached me, I agreed to help him take revenge."
Joy:
Anger: ***
Sorrow: *****
Fear:
Aha!
Humphrey jolted again, but she didn't even give him the chance to complain.
"Really? I'm not so sure you were as willing as you're letting on."
"What are you talking about? You know damn well I wanted him dead! Why else would I try to murder him?!"
"I'm not doubting that," she said. "And you were pretty angry about it. But more than that, you felt a great deal of sorrow, as if you were overcome with remorse for your actions."
He scoffed. "Do I look remorseful to you?"
"Maybe not for the murder itself. I think you were sad because…"
- It would hurt you.
- It would hurt someone else.
- It would hurt the household.
"…You didn't want it to end that way, did you?" Millie asked. "You were hoping for a better outcome. Because if you went through with it… you knew it would hurt someone close to you."
Humphrey visibly trembled, clearly boiling mad. "Enough! I'm not saying another word!"
Millie stared at him for a moment. "You don't have to. Between those two reactions, I'm starting to put it together. You were very happy that morning even after Lord Tigre snubbed your dish, because it wasn't the dish you really cared about. It was the argument afterwards that ruined your good mood. But it couldn't have just been about getting fired, or else you wouldn't have felt nearly so bad about trying to kill him."
She paused. "Something happened. Something that directly involved you. You did something that triggered all this."
Humphrey finally boiled over. "I said ENOUGH!"
Joy:
Anger: **********!
Sorrow:
Fear:
Now Millie was the one jolted. She could smell more anger than she ever had before. His eyes narrowed, he slammed his hooves on the table, and then started screaming.
It was such a tidal wave of words that she could only pick out a few here and there, and barely any of them were comprehensible.
Among the snippets she caught were:
"—GORGONZOLA DIPPERS IN YOUR—"
"—LORD TIGRE'S LYING, GARLIC-REEKING MOUTH—"
"—TAKE A FRYING PAN TO YOUR—"
"—TUNA CASSEROLE WRAPPED IN LIES—"
"Yikes!" Delilah said. "Is this some new recipe he's working on?"
"It's his anger!" Millie replied. "It's bubbling out of control!"
"Well, he doesn't have to take it out on the food! I can barely understand a word he's saying!"
"—KNIFE WAS MADE FOR CUTTING NOT STABBING—"
"—LADY TIGRE HIRED ME TO—"
"—LIKE SOGGY, UNDERCOOKED BROCCOLI—"
"—OREGANO IS FOR SAVAGES—"
"It's okay!" Millie said. "I just need to pinpoint the source of this emotional overload. With him raging unrestrained like this, he's bound to let something slip eventually."
"I should hope so." Eric covered his ears. "Surely this is going to prompt some corrective action from the guards."
"—THAT FISH WAS TOO GOOD FOR HIS LAST MEAL—"
"—I DON'T SERVE MONSTERS—"
"—KNOW WHERE I'D STICK THAT WINE BOTTLE—"
"—YOU'RE AN IDIOT SANDWICH—"
Millie took a deep breath, steeling her nerves and her nostrils.
"—AT LEAST 200° OFF THE MARK—""—SHOVE IN THAT MASTER KEY TOO—"
"—WITH LARA'S RING IN MY POCKET—"
"—BØRK BØRK BØRK—"
Sniffed it out!
Humphrey's rant was cut off by Millie's impressive volume overshadowing his, forcing him to clutch his ears as she pointed at him, grinning.
"I knew it," she said. "You have more in common with Monty than you realize. Like a knack for using overblown fits of anger to scare others away. But like Monty, I know you're only doing it to protect someone else. And you just gave away who. You were seeing Lara Tigre!"
Humphrey's eyes widened, all of his anger draining out like hot water through a strainer. Now he just looked terrified. "No… Lara… FORGIVE MEEEEEE!"
He flopped forward onto the counter, crying softly.
And he wasn't the only one who'd made a sudden 180. The second Millie looked back at her gobsmacked friends, the nerves overcame her and she sank back into her sweater. "D-Did I, um, do good?"
(I think you just emotionally destroyed that camel, but other than that…)
But she seemed to have emotionally energized Eric, as he promptly scooped her into a big hug. "You did AMAZING! FANTASTIC! BRAVO! BRAVO!"
Millie looked like she'd suddenly achieved Nirvana.
While Eric was praising his 'not' girlfriend, Delilah stepped in to address Humphrey. "You wanna tell the truth now? I've had enough of everyone lyin' to me when I'm supposed to be finding who killed a tiger."
Humphrey slowly hoisted himself back up, his head just slumping against the glass. "…It's rare for me to be bested in this medium, but well done. I'll tell you everything."
(It's about time.) "It's about time."
"Your noodle friend was right," he admitted. "Lara and I have been… romantically involved for some time. It all started one cold winter night when I cooked her goose."
Delilah blinked. "You mean… food, right?"
"Yes. I remember it exactly. Goose, directly following several servings of duck."
He sighed wistfully. "Since then we were inseparable. She would sneak into my kitchen day after day, reading me her lovely poems while I worked. We even had dreams of getting married. But we kept it all a secret, of course. Lady Tigre would've been all too supportive, but her husband…"
"This is turning into a full-blown soap opera, isn't it? Let me guess, he didn't want some household servant running off with his flesh and blood?"
He shook his head, making an unpleasant squeaking noise against the glass. "Got it in one. I don't know how he found out, but he did. And he sure let me know it, come breakfast."
"So you didn't tell him yourself?"
"I never got the chance," he said. "I was going to. That's why I made that special breakfast. I was going to ask him then. I figured there was no way he'd be so cruel and evil in front of his own family, after I just made an extremely difficult and rare delicacy for him. But somehow, he knew before I ever said a word. He called me every name in the book, and then didn't just fire me, but everyone. Said if any of us mentioned how he treated us, he'd just say we were disgruntled ex-employees slandering him."
Humphrey's Testimony updated in the Court Record
Delilah was beginning to feel partial gratitude towards whomever had offed Lord Tigre. (No. Bad girl. Murder is still wrong.)
Eric was barely concealing his own disgust. "How horrid. But that doesn't explain why everyone opted to keep quiet about it even after his death."
"It was for mine and Lara's sake," he said, managing a slight smile. "The other servants have always been supportive of us. They didn't want to ruin our happiness by dragging the incident out into the open and creating a scandal." The smile vanished quickly. "No, you ruined it by putting me behind bars. So thanks for that."
(Oops.) "We were just doing our jobs!" Delilah countered. "Just be glad you didn't get a full murder charge."
Humphrey almost looked ready to flare up again, but he had nothing left to show for it. "It doesn't matter. At the rate this is going, we'll be lucky if Casa Tigre is still standing by the end of it all."
"Hey!" she snapped. "You love her, don't you?"
"Of course I do!" Humphrey snapped back.
"Then show some damn gumption!" she urged. "Buck up! Lord Tigre is out of the way! Now all you've gotta do is get through this, and there'll be nothing left standing between you and her!"
Humphrey looked like he actually considered cheering up for a moment.
Then came a commotion from outside the room. "Ma'am, you can't…" the guard by the door began.
He was interrupted as an intimidating black bird landed threateningly atop his head.
"Humpy!" The goth tigress who owned the creepy raven barged past both the guard and the team of lawyers. Her dark makeup was streaked from crying. "I got your call and came right away!"
"Lala!" Humphrey was suddenly as sunny as a side-up egg, standing to greet his lady love.
(Awww. This is really sweet, but also…)
Lara's head whipped around to glare at them.
(Also that.)
"You have a lot of nerve showing your face around here after what you did," the tigress spat. "You say you want to help, but all you've accomplished so far is locking up someone else who didn't do it, just to save that shitty butler. Except, oh yeah, you didn't even do that!"
"CAW!" Lenore agreed.
Delilah had to take that one on the chin. "Okay, but…"
"OUT!" Lara snapped. "I need my Humpy time. Sic 'em, Lenore!"
"CAAAAAAAW!"
The team had to duck as the bird swooped down on them. They had no choice but to flee the detention center, tails between their legs.
"…Okay, well that's one long-running question answered," Delilah said, brushing herself off. "I'm just not sure it actually got us anywhere."
"Indeed. Perhaps we're best off returning to the scene," Eric suggested. "We still need a proper talk with Lady Tigre. I can almost guarantee that Kyle's going to put her on the stand tomorrow."
"And he's probably already there, so once again we'll be playing catch-up," Delilah agreed. "Sounds like a plan then."
"…What is our plan, Delilah?"
"Huh?" That didn't sound like Eric. She looked down, seeing Millie looking curiously at her instead. "What do you mean?"
"You told Monty that we were going to keep pursuing an accidental death," she reminded her. "You lied."
Delilah stiffened. "You… would be able to tell that, huh?"
"I prefer not to sniff you too closely. Doesn't mean I can't."
"Delilah?" Eric asked, frowning in concern. "Why would you lie to our client? Unless… you suspect one of the Tigres."
She was already on the Justicycle. "Just keeping our options open," she said. "'Cause at this point, we don't got a whole lot left."
Eric and Millie shared a worried look before climbing aboard themselves.
Silently, they rode on.
To be continued…
Court Record:
Attorney's Badge
This old thing? Well, it does let me do my job, but it mostly just sits in my pocket until I get the sudden urge to flash it at someone for kicks.
T&C Business Card
Those two are really gonna regret hoisting this off on me. I can think of a LOT of uses for a small piece of cardstock that were probably not intended.
Lord Tigre's Autopsy Report
Cause of death believed to be poisoning, apparently! Estimated time of death is between 3-4 PM. Victim died almost instantly and nearly took our case with him.
Crime Scene Photo
Shows Tigre collapsed on his desk as if taking a nap, somewhat undercut by the gaping hole in his neck. The rest of his desk is mostly visible, though the papers right under him are obscured. Side note: Totally a Number 4. Nailed it.
Food Cart
Monty's ticket inside the study, brought there by the bodyguard. Credit where credit is due, that was a pretty clever plan. Shame he mucked it up afterward, but then again we might not have a client otherwise.
Wine Bottle
Brought to Lord Tigre on the cart. Contains a grape wine and is partly empty. Also contains deadly pufferfish toxin. Bears Monty's pawprints.
Spilled Ashtray
Found on the floor and stepped in by Monty, leaving a trail of tiny tracks that lead around the desk, up the side, and out the window. Let this be a lesson, kits. Not everyone is cut out to be a murderer.
Termination Papers
Almost no blood was found on them despite being right under Lord Tigre at the time he was stabbed, proving that he was already dead. Suck it, Lilac!
Lapel Pin
Monty's personal possession, that he didn't leave at the crime scene after all. He left it in the dining room instead, which isn't much better because it means anyone had the opportunity to swipe it. Found under Lord Tigre's desk.
Tigre's Gun
Don't think I forgot about you, mister! Now that we're investigating again, I sense that the evidence to connect this thing to the murder will soon present itself!
Burnt Scraps
Scraps of some weird material found in the fireplace. It seems kind of like paper, but doesn't have the right texture. Where the heck did it come from?
Manor Map
A map of Casa Tigre so 'graciously' gifted to us by Kyle. I'm half-tempted to relight the fireplace just to chuck it in, but I bet that's exactly what he WANTS us to do so we're gonna use it anyway! Out of spite!
(Archived under 'Casa Tigre Map' on Berserker88x's Deviantart.)
Delishafish Dish
Apparently this dish is a big deal among rich folks and super hard to make right. Even Chef Humphrey screwed it up on the first attempt. Oh, and it turns out it's deathly toxic if you screw it up, which REALLY would've been nice to know beforehand.
Spoiled Delishafish
The first version of the dish that Humphrey screwed up, though the arguably bigger screw-up was leaving it out for Sunny to find. It looks like this thing is what actually killed Lord Tigre and he STILL didn't get past a single bite before tossing it out the window. Later buried by Ria, utensils and all.
Kitchen Knife
A large and thick steel knife given by Humphrey to Monty. The murder weapon? Not even close.
Wall of Thorns
A spiky ring of pain that surrounds the whole perimeter of Casa Tigre. For when you're just too classy to get a barbed-wire fence. Can confirm: hurts like hell.
Monty's Testimony
After being given a knife by Chef Humphrey, he got smuggled in on a food cart, stabbed Tigre in the neck, and then fled up to the roof with the knife before getting caught. Despite this, he remains insistent that he didn't poison his lapel pin or commit the murder. Finally a straight answer from this guy.
Sunny's Testimony
Due to a tragic misunderstanding, he accidentally delivered deadly Delishafish to Lord Tigre around noon. Later, after delivering the food cart to Lord Tigre's study at around 3:30, on Monty's orders, he locked the door with the master key and stood guard outside until the murder went down.
Humphrey's Testimony
Lord Tigre announced that the staff was being fired at breakfast around 8 AM, in response to finding out about Humphrey dating his daughter. He then became Monty's accomplice and poisoned the wine bottle.
Ria's Testimony
She was witness to flying fish, surprisingly not a hallucination. Which she then proceeded to bury and not tell anyone about. She later spotted Monty on the roof after he stabbed Lord Tigre, watching as he climbed down a tree and fled around back to enter through the servant's quarters. She and Sunny caught him inside trying to plant the knife.
Bronze Figurine
A scary-ass effigy of Lord Tigre holding a sword and looking like he wants to cut you with it. According to Monty, it's currently facing the opposite way that it usually does.
Profiles:
Delilah O'Possum
Age: 24
Species: Sassy Possum
Finally, it's my turn to shine! I am gonna rock the hell outta this case and show the world that I can handle murder too! Solving a murder case, I mean. Glad nobody else reads these.
Eric Badge
Age: 24
Species: Stuffy Badger
My best friend and partner in (solving) crime. He can be a bit of a stick in the mud sometimes, but I'm always happy to pull him out of it.
Millie Muskerson
Age: 22
Species: Polecat Who Wants to Tap That
Old friend, old defendant, current intern. Honestly worth the effort of hiring her just to see her make goo-goo eyes at Rick all day, but she's pretty well-organized too. Strikes a good balance between my lack of tidiness and Rick having entirely too much of it.
Lucy Sang
Age: 29
Species: Literally Bloodthirsty Vampire Bat
I hope all the trouble I went through to get her to hire us back was worth it. At the very least, the heart-to-heart was nice. Just so long as she doesn't get TOO close to my heart.
Martina
Age: 29
Species: Questionably Alive Mouse Girl
Lucy's… friend? Servant? Voodoo zombie slave? Was debating even adding her to this, but I get the impression she doesn't have much in life, so here's to you, Marty!
Monty Gosland
Age: 23
Species: Mongoose That Buttles
Our defendant, for better or for worse. Slightly better now.
Lord Dominic Tigre
Age: 40
Species: Dead Tiger
The victim. Apparently big into shooting birds for sport and living in high society. Well, formerly living. The more I hear about him, the more I don't feel sorry for his death.
Lila Lilac
Age: 28
Species: Stuck-up Skunkette
One of Tooth & Claw's lawyers. Likes: being a tool. Dislikes: peripheral vision. This isn't the only list she's going on today.
Pierce Pierson
Age: 28
Species: Porcupain
Another Tooth & Claw lawyer and a prick in more ways than one. Seems pretty aggro for a guy who's so into defense.
Sigrid 'Siggy' MacTalon
Age: 25
Species: Wolverine on a Warpath
I really hoped I wouldn't have to add her to this. Let's just say mistakes were made and now this hardass detective kinda hates my guts. It's going to be mentally draining dealing with her, and physically draining if she makes me do any more pushups.
Kyle VanDal
Age: 26
Species: Rival Raccoon
This sly prosecutor is known for his keen eyes and dirty tricks. He even has this fancy nickname, the 'Bullseye Prosecutor'. Back in the day, I just thought he was a dork. Now he's a dork with prestige.
Lady Tigre
Age: 43
Species: Bird-infused Tigress
Don't have much of a read on this one so far, mainly because she won't talk to us. Still, this must be pretty rough on her so I'll cut her some slack.
Lara (Not Laura) Tigre
Age: 19
Species: Teenager
Looks like someone's hit their rebellious phase. Not that I can blame her with what little we know of her dad. No, I'll just blame her for totally blowing us off! Probably the one thing she has in common with Lady Tigre.
Lenore
Age: 6
Species: Poetic Stereotype
Lara's faithful pet raven. Or familiar, just in case she's some kind of sorceress and takes offense. Probably eats telltale hearts or something. I dunno, I'm not into poetry. Or birdology.
Sunny Urshine
Age: 26
Species: Teddy Bear
Lord Tigre's ex-bodyguard, obviously not doing too great right now. Accidentally offing the guy you're supposed to protect will do that. I think HE'S the one who needs a hug now. I'll volunteer Rick.
Ellias Humphrey
Age: 20
Species: Camel 2.0
Lara's not-so-secret fiancé. Gotta admire this guy's commitment to his craft. Even at the expense of being an effective murderer. I feel a little bad about putting him behind bars, but maybe he'll get to be a prison chef. I bet his cooking will be better appreciated there.
Ria Nepeta
Age: 31
Species: High As a Cat
Casa Tigre's gardener, and she sure 'enjoys' her job. She may be a cheetah, but she's definitely not quick on the uptake. I guess we should be grateful she saw anything of use and it didn't interfere with whatever sensory nightmares she experiences on a daily basis. Did interfere with the investigation though.
Judge Loggins
Age: 45
Species: Beaver of Authority
Always nice to see a familiar face in these strange surroundings. Better than Kyle's at least. I wonder if she'd chuck her gavel at him if he annoyed her enough. That'd almost make it all worth it.
Warden Smiles
Age: 39
Species: Wocka Quokka
Lucy Sang's warden, a position I do not envy. The question is, was he always this cheerful, or did something in him just break after a while?