Howdy! It's been a while, sorry for the wait. I've completed my master's degree though and will be graduating the end of the month! Very exciting. Unfortunately that took basically all my time up this past year, but it was expensive so I figured hey, spend some time on it.
I hope you readers are well and still willing to read despite these very long awaited updates.
A trigger warning for this chapter, mentions of death/dying, abuse. I realise in previous chapters I have failed to give proper warnings when I should have and would like to apologise. This fic is a few years old and there are plenty of mistakes, and I'd like to try and do better where I can.
Anyway! Enjoy!
I had to sit down, my head was pounding as memory after memory shoved its way to the forefront of my mind, all pushing to try and be the one to take precedence...
Hearing someone calling my name in the distance brought me out of my own head, made me realise I was alive. Maybe? Hopefully...?
As long as I was back, away from him, I'd be happy. If I can open my eyes then maybe I can confirm that.
The chanting has stopped too which is nice. Finally, a bit of peace and quiet...
My eyes open, and I find myself in a forest clearing, flashes of fires surrounding the area. There was debris everywhere. Bodies as well?
"Skye!" Damon called, rushing towards me.
"Damon," I said, my voice quiet. I tried reaching an arm out towards him but it just dropped.
"Are you alright?" he asks, placing a hand on my forehead.
"Is. She. Alright." Elijah's voice is cold. I looked up. Oh, he was carrying me. I was wondering how I was moving.
Damon's demeanor changes and he snaps, "I'm checking in, hero. She's alive."
"No thanks to you."
"Now watch it - "
I coughed, the smoke from the fires catching my breath.
"Look, let me take her home," Damon said, reaching toward me only for Elijah to pull back. "You want her mom worrying, jackass?"
"I entrusted her safety to you, and she almost died tonight," Elijah said deathly calmly. He was furious. Angrier than I could remember seeing him. "I will not be making that mistake again."
I could see Damon rolling his eyes. "As if I'm going to let you - "
All of a sudden, he rushed forward throwing a punch towards Elijah's face.
Everything was blurry and I felt nauseous from all the sudden jerky movements.
Elijah couldn't use his hands as they were what held me up, which meant Damon wouldn't lose his heart today hopefully.
He would however be getting kicked away, smashing into a tree. I cried at the sight.
"Stop!" I coughed, the smoke hitting the back of my throat. "Please!"
Without another word, he turns and walks us away.
"Elijah, no!"
My limbs felt heavy. My chest felt empty. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't move.
I didn't want to go with Elijah though.
My protests did nothing to deter him.
And in a split second, we had left the clearing.
I shut my eyes as the world around us blurred past. It seemed as if the burning forest would never end until eventually, it did, and we arrived back in Mystic Falls. Elijah walked us into the Mystic Fall's bed and breakfast. Caroline had a princess tea party here once when we were kids.
The older woman behind the front desk takes in our appearance and her face falls. She begins picking up the phone but is interrupted by Elijah's compulsion.
"We'll take a room for the night. Please bring some refreshments up as soon as possible. You are not concerned about us and will not phone the authorities."
The woman blinks slowly before placing the receiver down, going to a drawer, and pulling out a key.
"Your room is on the first floor, end of the hall. I will bring you some refreshments."
Elijah takes to key and still manages to hold me up. He walks us up the stairs and to the end of the hall. I feel jostled as he twists the key and opens the door.
Immediately he lays me down on the bed before opening the window.
"Some fresh air will do you some good."
As if in retaliation, I begin coughing again, my throat hoarse and dry.
Elijah is by my side in an instant, sitting me up and whispering comforting words I don't really hear. I feel smothered.
A knock at the door and he gets up to answer it. It's the woman with a tray. He takes it before shutting and locking it behind him. On the tray is a jug of water and two empty clear glasses.
He sits on a chair beside my bed, placing the tray between us. He pours water into the glass and raises it to my lips.
I go to raise my hand to take it from him, but drop it when I can't even get it fully past my waist.
Fucking witches.
Tears prickly in my eyes at my helplessness. It's frustrating. I accept the water offered to me and the assistance from Elijah. After a few gulps, I start to cough and splutter.
"Skye dear, what's wrong?" Elijah asks.
"It hurts," I croak. "Can we please go to the hospital? My mom needs to know where I am."
"Smoke inhalation...maybe the witches injured you too..." He was mumbling to himself, thoughts seeming to cross his mind faster than I could imagine.
And then he got up, entering the en-suite bathroom. All I heard was the sound of water rushing from the tap and him washing his hands. The mumbling continued.
I didn't say anything, just stared toward where he'd left. I wasn't sure whether to say anything or if that would make things worse. Something was clearly going on right now and I had nothing right now, literally.
The water stops, and he enters drying his hands, a distant look on his face.
"Elijah?"
He blinks slowly before taking a deep breath, and it's like a switch changes. He takes a bite of his own wrist and my eyes widen as I realise what he intends.
"Elijah, don't - "
The struggle is futile. I feel...violated.
Once again I am coughing and spluttering, it's worse with the blood being thicker than water. He wipes my face with the towel.
I can't hold it in anymore and start crying.
I want to go home.
I want my mom here. I want my family here and my friends and my boyfriend.
I completely ignored the comfort Elijah was trying to bring, but I found myself tucked into bed.
"Rest up, dear. I'll be here."
Time went by, and I couldn't sleep. I couldn't stop crying. My hiccups seem to make him cringe.
Eventually, it seemed like he couldn't handle it anymore.
"Skye...please, understand."
I shook my head, the covers tickling my chin since they'd been brought up to my neck.
Glancing to the seat he was sitting in, I could see Elijah with his hands in his hair, making the brown strands all touseled and messy, very unlike the prim and proper man I'm used to seeing.
"Elijah...please, take me home."
Silence rings in the room for a while. For a while, I think he's not going to reply at all.
"You won't be safe."
"I will be."
"You cannot guarantee that, and neither can I."
"But...my mom is going to be worried about me." I sniffle, realising it is way past my curfew, she'll be so worried, and I don't even know where my phone is. "Please."
He looks up from his seat, catching my eye. "Stop crying."
Just like that, no more tears.
A range of emotions builds up within me. Fear. Confusion. Anger.
"You compelled me?" I whispered.
"I just need a moment to think."
Anger, definitely anger.
"You compelled me," I repeated, angrier this time.
He bites his cheek. "I am aware."
"Just take me home, damnit!"
He gets up, placing a hand on my forehead. "Sleep."
Prick.
And I lose all consciousness.
Elijah figures out over the next few days, as my strength returns, that compelling me seems to be easier than reasoning.
Sitting up in bed, I sipped from my glass of blood. It was the first day I had been allowed to drink on my own. Elijah seemed to have it in his head that I was completely helpless, and while that may have been true a couple of days ago, I was fine now.
I would wake up to eat something, clean up, and then I'd be put back to sleep.
I'd already gone to the bathroom and freshened up. I was almost finished eating, and I didn't want to be put to sleep again.
I needed to keep Elijah from compelling me to sleep somehow.
But how do I do that? He's not convinced that I'm any better, the man won't listen to reason or evidence.
"Elijah," I said, catching his attention from whatever he was looking at outside. "I never got the rest of our memories."
That does seem to get his attention.
"Are you sure you've recovered enough?"
"Yes," I say instantly.
"And you're not just saying that?"
Fuck sake.
I shake my head. "No."
He sighs, contemplating.
"It might help me understand your decisions more. Understand you more."
That seemed to convince him.
"Alright. Let me call Dr Martin, get him to place some protective spells."
I tidy up the other side of the bed as he makes the phone call, making room for him before he can change his mind.
It was a ruse but not entirely untrue. Knowing more about our past or the past he has with my previous lives might clear some things up. It might explain this over-protectiveness that's appeared.
As before, he lies on the bed and shuts his eyes.
The thought crosses my mind to just get up and run. But obviously, that's a ludicrous idea and I just lay down as well, placing my hand on top of his. Closing my eyes, I empty my mind and try to fall asleep.
It was the first night in the cave, and I couldn't stop crying.
I was about 4 years old, if even that. The adults had huddled the young to the back of the caves, leaving us to comfort one another. I was young and unsure about these monthly demons that transformed into wolves, about how they couldn't find us in the labyrinth of the caves.
Trying to sleep like we were told, I ended up having a nightmare and waking up in silent tears. I did my very best not to make a sound for fear of the wolves finding us all. I shook from the cold and huddled into the warmth of the body closest to me.
My crying had clearly woken someone up though, as from the faint shadows of the torchlight stood a very young Elijah. He had some thin braids in his hair which he had allowed his sister and me to do before bed. Carefully maneuvering across the sleeping figures, he reached me and settled down, pulling me in for a hug.
"Are you alright, Astrid?" he whispered
I sniffled, nodding my head. "I'm scared."
"I know. Me too. But we'll be okay."
"You promise?"
"I promise."
And just as he had said, we were okay. The next morning, everyone was alright, and there was a small celebration.
I ran out with the siblings into the morning sun. We spun around until we felt dizzy and fell into a pile on top of the eldest who was none too happy.
His attitude never improved as far as I can tell from these memories.
Mundane days scroll past me.
Days spent doing my chores, whining to my mother about my hair, and begging my father to ask for help in the garden because it is too much work for just one little ole me to do.
Days spent goofing off, sneaking out for picnics before we even knew what picnics were, exploring our surrounding area, and learning to swim by the falls.
There are gaps in these memories though.
Days will skip past me entirely without giving me a chance to remember what happened.
People's faces are blurred, their names I'm unsure of.
If Elijah is not there, everything seems to rush. If he is there, it is like a perfect playback.
Elijah was often one of the happier volunteers sent over to help with our gardening when the work got too much. The eldest was always polite but never enthusiastic to be there, and the younger ones were always ready for an excuse to take a break.
Years go by, we grow up.
"Do you have a crush on one of my brothers?" the blonde sister asked me.
I recognize her...I know her name!
"Rebekah, what?!"
That's it!
"Where's this coming from?" I asked, blushing furiously.
"It's alright if you do," she said, "However, I cannot for the life of me understand why."
"It would be quite strange if you did, dear sister," Elijah said from behind his, making us both jump. My face begins heating up realising he's overheard us speaking. "Which of us Mikaelson sons are so lucky then?"
"Go away, brother! This is unfair on her!"
"You asked but the same question, I am merely repeating it."
"Well, I won't answer now," I replied, standing up and brushing my dress off. "Eavesdropping should not be rewarded."
Elijah's face broke out into a smile and he shook his head. "Very well, I understand. Will you be joining us for dinner tonight?"
I did join them for dinner actually, as I had done many times before and would do many times again.
One of the more notable dinners ended up being with my parents, and they stayed to discuss something with them afterward. That something, I later found out, was a proposal for a marriage between our two families.
My parents were very excited on the walk home that night but did not tell me why for a very long time.
For there was already a marriage in the works, between the eldest sibling and his beloved.
The ceremony was beautiful, I felt confident in my dancing abilities from practicing at home and with Elijah.
"May I have this first dance?" he asked me, holding a hand out for me. "Just to make sure you're ready."
I resisted rolling my eyes and accepted his hand, letting him lead us to dance.
"You have definitely improved."
"Thank you, our practices have been worthwhile."
"Are you ready to dance with that special someone tonight then?"
A grin finds itself creeping onto my face before I can stop it, "Absolutely."
The evening flashes by.
And it's another beautiful day.
Our small town has new arrivals, increasing the population of what would eventually be Mystic Falls. None of us could have ever imagined what it would be like centuries later.
The memories become more and more disjointed. I see less and less of Elijah, but whenever I do it is him and his brother, with a woman who looks exactly like Elena. No, not Elena. She looks more like Katherine with her big dark curls.
Memories of the time Tatia and Elijah together opened my eyes. He loves her, and she loves him. And it breaks his brother's heart. Despite it all though, I'm happy for him. And I seem to have a good time teasing him about his feelings.
All is well until my mother brings up the plans to wed me to a Mikaelson son.
She brings up the topic while braiding my hair.
My mother, beautiful and gentle, strokes my head softly. "You are my greatest gift, and I want nothing more than for you to be happy and looked after. And I believe the Mikaelson's will look after you, long after I am gone."
"Mother, please," I said, not liking the way she spoke. "I am not opposed to a union. I enjoy their company."
"I'm glad," She said, holding my face in her hands. I closed my eyes as she placed a kiss on my head. "You and Elijah will make a blessed pair."
My eyes shot wide open.
My heart dropped.
I...didn't want to marry him.
I didn't say anything though. My mother began to speak about the night they were approached after dinner, about how it was about time their second eldest son was ready to be wed.
Elijah was clearly none the wiser either, but when he found out he was more vocal than I. He was also more bruised than I was the next time we met. His mother could only heal so much of his father's fists.
"I'm sorry, Elijah," I said, wincing at the bruising across his face.
"It's not your fault, Astird," he said solemnly.
I felt bad that I couldn't bring him out of this slump.
Memories of Elijah seem to flash by, him seeking out Tatia, him being told off for doing so, and how he should not make a fool of me. He is a man of honor and duty and he should uphold those values.
Finally, he seemed to accept his fate with me and began to make a beautifully carved knife. He spent days on it, almost religiously working on it and ensuring it was perfect.
Wedding preparations came quickly and it was not long until the big day was upon us.
Normally the days before a ceremony, the couple being wed would not see one another. However, it was a full moon, so we all headed into the cave. Elijah and I did not interact with one another during this time, though a part of me isn't sure why...
That night I sleep restlessly, and I hold a hollow feeling in my chest.
It's as if I can tell what the morning will bring...
It was supposed to be our wedding day.
I stared at my wedding dress draped across the table. It was beautiful. I don't think I'd ever get to wear it now. Not now that the youngest was dead...
Tears prickled in my eyes remembering he was really gone. Gods, he was just a child.
"Astrid, dear, you have a visitor."
I stand from my seat and make my way outside. The sun was bright in the sky, and there stood Elijah. Handsome and put together as ever. His hair was long and braided neatly.
"How are you?"
I wrap my arms around him. He does not reciprocate. I pull away.
"Can I get you anything?"
"No, no. I won't be here long just...we are postponing our ceremony. I'm sorry...we need time to mourn. I need time."
He leaves without saying much else.
Everybody mourns differently.
I spend my time near the lake, leaning against a tree, pulling the grass from the ground. I trace a circle on the palm of my hand as if in meditation until I'm interrupted or remember it is time to head home.
The Mikaelsons mourn together, and I feel shut out by them. I haven't seen them in so long...
One day I go to visit, bringing some food from our harvest. It's late afternoon, and the sun is already beginning to set. I knock on their door and wait.
I hear scuffling inside and what sounds like disagreements from within. I prepare myself, knowing what their father is like.
I don't think I hide my shock when it is the father who answers the door, staying within the home.
Ever since I was young, he has scared me. I never liked how harshly he treated his children. How much influence he held over our village. He never seemed happy, nothing ever seemed good enough.
"Astrid," he greeted cooly. "What brings you here?"
Swallowing my nerves, I extended the basket of goods to him. "My family sends our condolences. These are for you all."
"Thank you," he says, not reaching out to take it.
The mother then appears by his side, gently pushing him inside. "Thank you, Astrid. I'm afraid we cannot invite you inside, none of us are ready to see any visitors." She accepts the basket from me, smiling kindly until her eyes lock on to my hand.
I follow her gaze and spot a perfect circle on the palm of my hand.
"What happened to your hand dear?"
"I...hurt it."
Could I have sounded a bit more believable?
"I see. We shall speak soon."
The door shut on me.
I wondered why I couldn't even speak to any of the children.
They had been killed.
Murdered, brutally, by their father.
A sword straight through each and every one of them.
He couldn't protect his siblings.
And when they awoke, they were hungrier than they had ever been before.
Tatia...
Poor Tatia.
Elijah came to see me, in a daze. He had killed, and fed on the blood of others. As had his siblings. He wanted to warn me away. He was delirious though, too many thoughts rushing through his head at once.
We ended up arguing.
He left.
And I was left confused.
Days go by, and one night it begins to snow. It isn't the expected weather. I stare up at the sky, letting the snowflakes land on my face. The forest is tranquil.
I don't know why I'm out here, but I am. It is as if I'm waiting for something or someone.
I don't think I realize I'm being hunted until I'm knocked to the ground.
"Run, Astrid!" Elijah begs, pulling me to my feet and pushing me away from him. "Go home! Go!"
He looks monstrous. I don't hesitate to move.
I couldn't have known I couldn't outrun a creature like they had become.
Elijah tried to stop his father, but he didn't understand the insanity that had overcome him, or why Astrid was being targeted. She hadn't done anything wrong!
It was all for nothing.
She was just a normal human, there was no way she could have outrun him.
She died scared and cold and alone.
I wonder, how did my mother find out what happened? Who told her? I hope she didn't find my body herself.
My next life was simple and happy. I occasionally had some vivid dreams of another life, but they were just dreams from an over-imaginative mind.
I grew up in a small up-and-coming trades town. My father was influential but a very kind man. There weren't many people my age, but there was a boy who was the son of one of his business partners. Arthur. We grew up being close friends, our siblings being either too old or too young to bother with us.
A childhood crush formed from climbing trees and scrapped knees flourished into a proper courtship and an eventual proposal.
How could I say no?
Life was easy.
Until they arrived.
One. Two. Three.
Two brothers. One sister.
I instantly felt like I knew them.
The sister and I met first and got along splendidly. I offered to show her around town. And she introduced me to her brothers. I showed them around, Elijah taking a particular interest in the trading business my father had set up.
Elijah wished to meet my father to discuss business, and so the pair of us left his siblings to do just that. They got along brilliantly. Every day, Elijah would visit and we would exchange pleasantries before he would meet with my father. Those pleasantries eventually led to a friendship, and meetings led to enough trust that Elijah would replace my elder brother occasionally to chaperonage me on days out with my fiance.
Somehow, we managed to convince Elijah to allow us a drink one night, even got him to drink with us. We saw Arthur home and I clung to Elijah on the walk home.
Unfortunately, I tripped and cut my knee. Control of the blood cravings was not perfected just yet, and I was attacked. It had happened so suddenly.
I didn't die though.
I came to after drinking his blood, seeing the tears staining his face.
I couldn't remember what had happened, couldn't believe it.
"Elijah, are you alright?"
"Violet, my dear, I cannot apologise enough, I...I am not a good man."
"That's not true," I said hazily, placing a hand on his cheek. "You look after me. You're kind."
I lean up, intending to kiss his cheek but he turns his head last minute, and our lips touch.
It was just one kiss. Really, honestly.
Well, it was.
And then we fell asleep.
And all those dreams I'd had from an overly excited imagination became clear, memories from a past life. I realised we had been betrothed to one another...
We woke up.
"Astrid..."
That wasn't my name.
I ran out, all the way home.
I thought I could sneak in, I got caught as I was entering the house though, by my mother no less.
"What time do you call this?"
Oh, I was in trouble.
Trouble couldn't even begin to describe what I was in.
Locked in my room, the wedding day was swiftly moved up. I don't know what everybody thought, but I didn't see Elijah. I didn't see Arthur either.
Not even a week passes by, and I'm getting ready for my wedding day. A beautiful dress, some women helping me with my hair. A bouquet of flowers thrust into my hands.
By the time I arrive at the ceremony though, an awkward silence brewing between my parents, I try to feel any semblance of excitement.
I feel conflicted.
I love Arthur, we've grown up together and I was excited to be his bride...but these memories of a life I was robbed of, of a life I was supposed to lead? My stomach churns.
We arrive, and seeing the man I'm intended for smiling at me makes me feel calm again. This is right, I'm sure of it.
As the ceremony is about to begin, three late arrivals appear.
Within the blink of an eye, everyone's dead.
I'm leaning over Arthur's body, his eyes staring straight through me.
I couldn't stop crying.
These...strangers ruined it. Ruined it all.
They claim to love me but clearly couldn't let me love who I wanted.
My name was not Astrid.
The incessant need they had for calling me Astrid, I do not understand.
"My dear, we have to flee, our father will be here any second and he will kill you!" Elijah says, pulling me away. "Again!"
I'm shaking my head, my vision blurs as tears cloud my eyes, and the scene gets further and further away with a blink of the eye.
The next few days are filled with running, crying, and basic survival. The three seem terrified, always on edge. They never leave my side. I don't hold a conversation with any of them, but I listen.
"How can you be sure?"
"How is this possible?"
"How can you prove it?"
Always referring to me as Astrid, Astrid, Astrid...
I wish I was as loved as she clearly was.
...but life became easier, we traveled to a new town, and I opened up more.
I was also made to forget my wedding night.
Memories during this time were jumbled, and difficult to interpret. My time was divided between the siblings.
So divided in fact, I couldn't determine how I died...
In another life, it was the anniversary of my wedding to a man I hated.
I couldn't stop shaking after presenting him with the meal I had cooked.
I was terrified of his reaction.
My mind wandered to what life could have been like if I had been matched with a kinder man, a gentleman, like the one I had met while running errands earlier that day. The reason I was behind on dinner...
The sound of the axe hitting the table snapped me out of my thoughts and brought me back to my fear.
"Pathetic! I leave you all day and nothing gets done!"
I can't even muster an apology.
A knock at the door and Elijah was there, my knight in shining armor.
I never again have to see my husband. Ex-husband.
I must have been the happiest widow alive that day.
In this life, we spend together.
Fall in love.
A happy wedding, finally.
But then it becomes abundantly clear we cannot have a family. No children.
And it breaks my heart.
I don't believe I died of a broken heart, but...
We woke up.
A chill rushed down my spine.
I felt like I was about to throw up.
Something deep in me told me this over-protectiveness won't go away...
"Why were there still so many gaps?" I asked. "I'm sure there was more..."
"The memories you seek are held by my siblings. I can only grant you so many moments."
"But-"
"It's time to rest I think," he says, getting up and walking to the table to pour a drink.
I'm not going to get another chance...
Fuck it.
I bolt.
The sudden break seems to give me a split-second advantage, but it means nothing when faced with supernatural speed and strength. So I scream. High pitched, as loud as I can.
A hand covers my mouth as I'm simultaneously slammed into the bed.
My eyes wide, Elijah looks furious.
"Forget these memories. Once we're somewhere safe you can have them back again."
No...
"Forget. And sleep."
Wordcount: 4,968
Proofread?: Most of it, yeah lol
Am I entirely happy with this chapter? Nah. But I'm tired of my constant need for perfection preventing me from just writing this story. I want to finish this, and I didn't start this intending for it to be perfect, it just had to exist.
Either way, I hope you enjoyed.
OH YEAH - when it comes to these memory chapters, it's difficult to determine what folk actually want in them. I feel like I get stuck because I never know when enough is enough if that makes sense? SO, I am v open to suggestions/things people look forward/want to see?
Responding to some lovely reviews (sorry it's taken months to respond...)
goodwill - thanks for your review! and yesss I'm glad you get it. sorry we didn't get to see much else in this chapter but it felt long enough.
Blu3b3rryT3a - hello! ahhh you're thinking ahead, is it that predictable? but then again, is it really a tvd fic without the roadtrip? sorry for the delay, thanks so much for still reviewing lol
Softiso - I'm so glad you've enjoyed the story so far! sorry for keeping you in suspense, I promise there's more to come. thanks for leaving a review, I really appreciate it!
EmeraldGhost11 - hallo! thanks for reviewing! it reminded me this existed, even tho it took me a while to get this chapter finished... I hope you stick around to see what I've got planned!