Company Man: Copping a Heaven's Feel.
By: Bubbajack
Editors/Co-authors: Icysnowsage, First Hassan/Darklord331
Special Consultant: Heliosion
Obligatory First Chapter Disclaimer: We DO NOT own the following: Nasuverse, Dresden Files, Waifu Catalog… others Possibly? Maybe? Who knows.
Special thanks go out to my Super Patrons: Alexander Murry, Apostle_of_Darkness, Ben wanless, Bobby Glass, CrazymanDK, GAMER HERZ and Jareth Norris.
Ch.1: Going round again.
Shirou Emiya woke up on a couch. Gasping for breath, he looked around in utter confusion in a cold sweat. For the last thing he recalled was fighting Saber. Her armor blackened her eyes an acidic yellow, her skin unusually pale. He recalled impaling her in the chest with the Azoth dagger, and then his mind broke. Archer's memories had overwhelmed his own. His senses, his feelings, everything about him had turned to steel. His body had shut down and he knew no more.
Then he woke up here. Here was a nice office decorated in rich dark woods and in a muted tone of colors. Shirou found himself lying on a plush leather couch. Hearing the sound of someone clicking away on a computer behind him, Shirou turned around. Sitting at a desk just behind him was a woman with chin length blonde hair, dark blue eyes and a pale complexion that made Shirou almost assume she was sickly. She glanced up from her work, smiling at him sweetly for a moment. "Ah, glad to see you're finally awake, Emiya-san," She spoke in flawless Japanese despite being ethnically Caucasian. "I have no doubt you're very confused, but if you'll give me just a minute to finish this contract. I'll answer any questions you have,"
The boy nodded, not having it in him to be rude even in such a strange situation, "Of course?"
"Thank you," The woman said with a polite smile. Several quiet minutes passed before she finally hit the last key on her machine and got up from her seat. She went to what Shirou noticed was a nice office kitchenette. She then began fixing two cups of tea, she came over to the boy and offered him one before sitting on the opposite end of the couch. "I'm sure you have many questions, but let's start off with introductions. First, my name is Lasciel and yours is Shirou Emiya, correct?"
The boy nodded dumbly, "Yes, but how did you know that?"
"Before I answer that, I'm going to tell you where you are and what happened to you," Lasciel explained, "You died. However, certain entities saw fit to give you another go round, for lack of a better term."
"So this is the afterlife. A black company?"
The woman gave a laugh that sounded like a pleasant chiming of church bells, "Not exactly. Not for you, anyway," She carried on, "This is a company, however. It's called The Company."
"How original," Shirou said, a bit sarcastically. "What do they want with me?"
Lasciel smiled a bit, "You're much more perceptive than you let on. That's good. To put it bluntly, Shirou, if you don't mind me calling you Shirou, The higher ups want to be entertained. They contract people like you to keep them entertained. As to what's in it for you, well… Money, Honor, Glory, Women. The ability to save people. A harem of beautiful women. Things most men wouldn't turn down."
"I'm sorry, could you go over that last one again?!" Shirou asked, giving her an Incredulous look as if she had grown a second head.
"A harem of beautiful women," Lasciel repeated with a slight smirk on her face. "Surely a young man such as yourself has thought of women in that way? Are you perhaps gay? We also cater to men of that taste. Though it is far less common."
"I'm not gay, I'm just confused as to how that's a thing!" Shirou said hotly.
Lasciel sighed a bit, "Right. A little background about the company first, I suppose," she agreed and replied, "I apologize, This is my first assignment as an Adjuster and you're my first client," She bowed slightly. "Put it simply, the company is a multi universal entity that was founded during the Second Heaven that goes about messing with timelines. Sometimes for money, other times often for laughs. Those on the board are high class entities beyond even human comprehension and mess with timelines and the entire omniverse simply because it amuses them. They hire people. People like you, to go out and do things for them and mess with other people or places that have caught their interest. Even entire worlds are under their purview because it keeps them from getting bored. They allow you to gain new abilities, go to worlds you might never even think possible, worlds you might know of as fiction. Your objective: capture targets, eliminate foes, and generally go about either making that world worse or better, depending on your preferences that is."
"OK," Shirou said at length. "But why me?"
"The company doesn't usually get the option to add a Shirou Emiya to their ranks. More often than not, versions of you often make a contract with either Alaya or Gaia, the forces that make up the counter force of your side of the universe, so on the rare chance we do get to grab a hold of one of you, we do so very quickly. And just my luck I get paired with you," signed out Lasciel.
"I'm sorry?" Shirou replied, unsure of what he should be apologizing for but felt he should.
"I'm not mad at you or anything, I'm just… Shirou Emiya's are known for being notoriously difficult to work with due to their intrinsically contradictory behavior and nature."
"I'm not that difficult, am I?" He asked hopefully.
The long pause before giving an answer gave Shirou somewhat of an answer. Lasciel took a breath, looked him straight in the eye, and told him bluntly, "You want to save people without recognizing the fact that you want them to actually be in danger for you to save them in the first place. Another problem is wanting everyone to smile without realizing that for one person to be happy, another person has to be sad. Your entire skill set revolves around weapons, yet you don't want to kill anyone, even those trying to murder you. You're a walking contradiction. One that, combined with your severe PTSD and survivors guilt from the Fuyuki Fire ten years ago, and misconstruing your father's happiness for finding you, a survivor in that fire, and mistaking it for happiness you want to give to others by 'saving' them, has led you to becoming a living wreck, and it gives everyone a headache. Even the higher ups with understanding on the level of gods and above are confused by your intrinsic but contradictory nature."
Shirou had never had his mentality nor his inner turmoil so thoroughly torn apart in such a brutally concise manner before. Grasping at straws to salvage his damaged psyche and pride, Shirou asked, "Am I really that bad? Is it really wrong to want to help people? I mean surely that is something in my favor."
"Wrong to want to help people? No, never. As the creator above said 'there is nothing sinful or wrong in wanting to help others in need.' Putting yourself before others, to the point where it's near suicidal? Yes," She sighed whimsically, "Now that I think about it, I knew someone who acted just like you did. That's probably why I was given your case. To try and curb those impulses of yours, if only just. But now it's time to go over your contract, Emiya Shirou."
"You haven't really explained what all this capturing is about though?" he reminded her.
Lasciel waved him off, "I haven't explained a lot of things, but they'll make sense in time. Right now, here's what you need to know. You are a contractor, someone who has been hired by The Company. I am an adjuster, someone who works out your contract for the company. The company wants you to go to other worlds, even parallel worlds of your own world, and do certain objectives for them. In return you get credits, which is company currency, A salary of $10,000 a month, $120,000 a year. Or if you prefer, ¥1,448,600 a month, ¥17,383,200 annually. Powers beyond your wildest dreams and a harem."
"That's an insane amount of money! What exactly do they expect me to do to earn that every month?!" Shirou said suddenly, standing up from the couch while also leaving unsaid the ridiculousness of getting a harem.
"Nothing you wouldn't do normally. Please have a seat and I'll go over the contact with you in full right now," She said calmly, motioning for him to sit back down.
After a moment, Shirou did just that, taking a sip of his now cool tea as he did so.
Reaching behind her, Lasciel pulled up an actual paper contract and flipped to the front. "Would you like me to go over every minute detail or just give you the highlights?"
"Give me the important bits please, but also make sure I'm not being screwed over. That is your job correct, Lasciel-san?"
"Yes, it is," She replied with a prompt head bob. "Here's the basics of your contract, Shirou. It's what's known as a DRX contract. Ones that are known for being extremely difficult but extremely rewarding. You see here in the company we have things that are known as bindings and lures. Lures are things that can when used get someone to fall in love with you. Bindings are what keep them loyal after they do fall in love with you. Knowing that you would hate the effects of a lure or binding, that is to say, forced love and loyalty. I had their enforcing effects removed, As I assumed you would be creeped out by that."
"Yes, very much. Thank you."
"However, the company functions by using lures and bindings on targets, And usually contractors such as yourself get paid for capturing a target and then selling them to the company," Lasciel explained as a dawning look of horror appeared on Shirou's face.
"So The Company is a giant slave trading organization?" Shirou asked in distaste.
Lasciel shook her head. "Not exactly, no. We capture people who can't be contained, live peacefully or properly held in their world. Sometimes we make deals for people who would otherwise face grizzly ends and make engrams of them. As the company has top notch cloning facilities, and sometimes certain clones of certain people make top tier companions that our contractors are more than happy to buy."
"So you'll grant people's wishes if you let them make clones of them?" Shirou asked slightly confused at the notion of multiple clones of himself running around as a house husband or someone else's companion.
"Yes, that's within the capabilities of the company," Lasciel confirmed before adding, "But before you ask, no, you're not a clone. We merely teleported you and resuscitated you. And we also fixed the problem you were having with that arm trying to take over your body."
Up until she mentioned it, Shirou hadn't even noticed his arm. He looked at it and noted it looked normal. As in, his arm looked the way it did before it was chopped off and replaced with Archer's Arm. Looking back at Lasciel, he asked "How?"
"A simple bit of spiritual integration," Lasciel responded, "It would have been a lot harder if the spirits in question were different people, but they weren't."
Shirou was flabbergasted, "Are you saying that that tanned jerk is-?"
"A potential future version of you, yes," She told him with a concise nod. "Deal with it. It's not the worst thing you'll hear in your time under company employment, I assure you.."
"I wonder what happened to him to make him so jaded? Shirou muttered to himself.
"Time has that effect on everyone," Laciel told him, not unkindly, "The dreams, hopes, and aspirations we have when we are young often do not stay with us into old age. Very few can hang on to the morality they had when they were children into adulthood. In that regard, you can consider yourself lucky, fortunate, or a fool."
"I threw away my dreams and aspirations in order to protect someone," Shirou said with conviction in his tone as he thought of Sakura and how he died trying to save her.
Ironically, that caused Lasciel to smile, "Well said, Emiya-san. The dreams we have as children, sometimes we realize, aren't as important as other things," She smirked at him, "However, sometimes we can have our cake and eat it too,"
"What do you mean?" He asked warily.
"We'll get back to that in a little bit. First, we need to go over the rest of your contract. "As a DRX contract, You're going to be lacking a lot of things normal contractors take for granted. For example, you lack access to the Resuscitate, Incapacitation, Protection, System. Meaning that if you or any of your companions die, that's it. It's permanent. Your bindings do not affect the mentality of your captures, meaning you have to earn it the old fashioned way and keep their loyalty and love the old fashioned way. You also gain no money up front for captures only when you sell a capture to the company. You also do not negate the innate weaknesses of those you stay regardless of what world you may go to. However, in return for all this, you get a lot of money and abilities up front that normal contractors wouldn't get. I took the liberty of spending perks I thought you would like on your behalf. You can look them over now if you'd like."
"What did you buy?" Shirou asked, genuinely curious as he read over the computer that Lasciel turned the monitor around for him to see.
Lasciel smiled mischievously, "Well since they go hand in hand, let me tell you about the first mission you're going to be given."
"You sure do like to beat around the bush, don't you?" The sword magus noted.
"And you don't take teasing too well, do you?" Lasciel responded as she flashed him a smile that Shirou had to admit was quite beautiful before she continued, "Your first mission is to go back and win the Fifth Holy Grail War. For this purpose, you have been given several powers such as a body tune up, soul arts, and several other powers at personal cost to company resources that I managed to haggle for. Like your own pocket dimension."
"Pocket dimension?" Shirou asked, going owl eyed when he heard that.
Lasciel nodded knowingly, "Oh, yes. I made sure you had that when I made your contract because I know Shirou Emiya needs a fully stocked kitchen at all times no matter what. Also, it's less of a pocket dimension and more of a pocket island."
"An island?!" Shirou said, gaping like a fish. "Can I really afford an island?"
"When you're with The Company, there's not a lot you can't afford. Trust me on that," She consoled him. "But yes, pocket island, complete with a mansion, staff, kitchen, all kinds of things, I also took the liberty of buying you a car, specifically an Ashton Martin DB5, equipped with all of the gadgets one would typically find in a James Bond film."
"Is that legal?" Shirou asked.
"Who cares?" Lasciel cheekily replied as her smile turned mischievous. "It also has unlimited fuel and flight capabilities," She carried on, "Next, I should tell you about the heritage you have. I combined a capture method known as symbiote with the dragon heritage. While capturing an opponent using the symbiote won't give any of the normal mental benefits, what it does do is give you a Symbiotic armor that gives you abilities similar to a servant. Have you ever seen the movie Alien?"
"Who hasn't?" Shirou replied. Just because he lived in Japan doesn't mean he didn't know what pop culture was. "But what does that have to do with this symbiote?"
Well, for lack of a better term, this symbiote acts like a suit of bio armor that will increase your own statistics. However, it also needs a queen host, while you are the king. Queen in this case will be Altria Pendragon or, as you know her, Saber," Lasciel explained, "It is from her connection to you that you will gain the Dragon heritage. You'll start by gaining a Dragon's heart or core, then over time it will evolve, you'll gain a Dragon scales, a Dragon's Aura. And so on and so forth until you ascend to that of a true dragon, a mystery made flesh."
"Umm, is that safe?" Shirou asked.
"About as safe as you pulling off the Shroud of Martin and using Archer's arm was," Lasciel told him brightly with sarcasm positively dripping from her tone.
"So not at all, great," he said with faux-cheer at how similar his new situation with the dragon core was to his previous one with Archer's arm.
"By the Lord! He can be taught!" she said in awe.
"Very funny Lasciel,"
"I try," The woman commented, "But now that I've covered pretty much everything, would you like to take on your first mission?" She paused before saying, "Oh, there is one other thing, a rookie such as yourself isn't going on their first mission alone. You'll be being supervised by an experienced contractor for your first mission."
"Who?" Shirou asked, not unkindly, but he was curious as to who his supervisor would be.
"Miyamoto Musashi," Lasciel replied with a bit of distaste in her tone. "That woman cares more about honing her skills with a sword and eating udon than she does doing her actual job so you should be fine for the most part just make sure she's fed. We are still cleaning up Las Vegas from her last hangry incident," muttered Lasciel.
"Miyamoto Musashi, the infamous Sword Saint of Japan… is a woman?" Shirou questioned. He realized right after he said it, he shouldn't have been all that surprised. 'After all, if King Arthur can be a woman, why not Miyamoto Musashi? And what was that last bit about her in Las Vegas?'
"The one that works for us is," Lasciel said with distaste as she continued, "And she'll be the one supervising you the entire time."
"Well, maybe it won't be that bad?" Shirou said optimistically.
"Oh, that optimism of yours isn't going to last long," Lasciel replied in a knowing tone. "Still, hang on to it as long as you can. Also, remember. She likes Udon noodles."
"Thanks," Shirou said, not at all meaning it. "I'll do that," there was a moment's pause and then he asked, "So when do we get started?"
She smiled like the cat who ate the canary as she said, " Eager, are we? I can respect that. We can get started right away if you're ready. Do you have any questions for me?" Lasciel inquired.
Shirou paused before saying, "Well, since you asked, I do have several questions. How do I go about capturing someone? Secondly, what do I do with them if I don't want to sell them to you? And lastly, you said something about world hopping. How do I go about doing that?"
His small barrage of questions caused Lasciel to stare at him momentarily before she clapped her hands in joy, "Oh, thank goodness, I got a smart one!"
"Wait, were you testing me just now?" Shirou asked as he blinked dumbly.
"Yes, for lack of a better term, that's exactly what I was doing. Some Shirou's decide to act first and think never and that gets them killed. A lot. You aren't like most Shirous in the upper seventy percentile. You actually think before you act."
"That's not true. I'm always thinking about how to help people, and what to cook, and if I'm in a fight, how to take advantage of the terrain to best succeed. Though I should have thought of a better way to handle Saber I do admit. Such as asking Rider to help me fight her."
The Adjuster shook her head, "Those aren't the same things as actually thinking before you even head into a combat zone. Knowledge is power in all its forms, Shirou, and the more you know, the more powerful you are. To answer your questions in order: you capture people by either getting a sincere love confession from them, or barring that, placing your hand on a target for thirty seconds will bind them with the company stamp, or using the Symbiote as a capture method. As for what you can do with the ones you don't want to sell, they become part of your retinue, what role they take is up to you. Companions are your lovers, familiars are friends and confidants, then you have any potential offspring you may have, and devotees are people who see you like a god… trust me it happens more often than you think," she told him when she saw his incredulous look. "Lastly as for the world hopping since you're someone who likes to help others, one of the Senior Partners that goes by the moniker, the Isekai Genie has decided to sponsor you."
"Is that good or bad?" the red-haired boy asked immediately, sensing a major BUT.
Lasciel waved her hand in a so-so motion, "Neither, as while you can world hop, you are barred from going to your next world until you complete one standard or grand rank mission for the company," She brightened as she added, "But you like helping people so it's fine right?"
To which the magus replied, "I know what you're doing… and try as I might, I can't hate you for it," Shirou said, hating himself for being unable to hate her. Hating himself just came far more naturally to him at this point.
"We'll need to work on that self-image of yours," Lasciel noted. "Any more questions before we head off into the wild rainbow hued yonder?"
"No, that about covers it… actually when am I showing up?" He asked moments before a kaleidoscope hued portal appeared in front of him.
Lasciel slipped a leather cord around his neck, and at the end of the chord tucked into a small pouch was a burnt silver coin. Gripping both sides of his face the Adjuster told him seriously, "This is very important Shirou, whatever happens, do not lose that coin, do you understand?"
The boy nodded, this being the first time he's seen her so serious in their meeting, "I understand, Lasciel-san."
She looked him in the eyes for a moment before giving a curt nod, "Good, now you will be arriving on the very day you are meant to summon Saber. Best of luck to you Shirou,"
She then unceremoniously tossed him off the couch and through the portal, her form fading away like a mirage in the desert sun seconds later.
(...)
Shirou coughed as he found himself covered in a cloud of dust. Blinking to clear it out of his eyes, he found himself back in his old shed In his backyard. There was a slight chill in the air, typical of February in Japan, and the cold beams of light of a February morning were coming in through the narrow cracks and windows of his shed. "This is," he said to himself. He knew just what day it was. A scant few hours, he would have normally summoned Saber, In a rush while fleeing for his life from Lancer. However, this time Shirou intended to be prepared.
So pulling the sheet away that he kept his tracing materials on, He found the magic circle that was engraved into the floor. It was faint, barely there, but noticeable now that he knew what to look for. Picking up a knife, he cut his palm, spilling some blood onto the circle, while intoning, "Gold and Steel to the Origin, a foundation of stone and the promise of victory. The master is the Lady of the Lake. Let the sea of clouds form a ceiling. Let four gates be bound in distant thunder. Withstand the flood and come forth, following the forked road to the Kingdom. Return, return, return, return, return! Repeat five times, and answer each time! I hereby propose, through this offering a contract: My fate is in your hands, my sword yours to wield! In accordance with the prayers of all of mankind, if you abide by this feeling and reason, then answer! This is my oath: I am the one who becomes all the good of the World! Together, we will save everyone!"
The wind picked up in his shed as Shirou spoke his incantation, and the summoning circle glowed a vibrant blood red moments before she appeared. It was Saber, but also not the Saber he was familiar with. Gone were the stern green eyes and armored royal blue dress, her gold dusted hair in an english braid. In their place were vibrant, hope filled green eyes, her hair pulled back in a messy ponytail held in place by a black bow, and she wore an armored white dress with black tights. By her side was a sword clear to see and plain as day. Yet, it was not the Sword of Promised Victory. Shirou's ability to tell the history of a blade at a glance told him that much. No, for instead of wielding Excalibur, this version of Saber held Caliburn, Golden Sword of the Victorious.
'Did I mess up the summoning somehow?' Shirou thought to himself. Thoughts fled his mind when his petite, unusually reserved servant tossed her blade aside and glomped him.
"Shirou!" She called in an unusually upbeat and happy tone. "You're alright! The last thing I recalled, you were straddling me and had a blade slammed into my chest, then everything went dark. And no matter how hard I mentally screamed, I couldn't do anything! You were dead, I was dying sort of, and Rin and Sakura were killing each other and and…" She sighed in relief and hugged him all the tighter as tears fell from her eyes. "I'm glad you're alright, Shirou."
"You… too, Saber," Shirou grunted out through the pain as he felt his back crack from the harsh hug.
"Oops. Too hard isn't it? My bad, Hehehee," She let him go and clasp her hands behind her back, flushing a little bit as she wiped away her shed tears.
"Saber, are you feeling OK?" Shirou asked, concerned. She had never acted like this before. She was always calm, cool, collected, and militaristic, almost to a fault. No matter what kind of hell he managed to get himself into, Shirou knew he could depend on Saber. She was his rock …. until she wasn't. She went from a rock he could take shelter under to a boulder that kept trying to crush him in a sense of madness and forced servitude to Sakura.
She gave an awkward little chuckle, "Ah yes, I'm fine. Actually, this is just my… This is how I acted before I took up my mantle as the King of Knights. I'm a bit more emotional. That said, I still have all my memories as the King of Knights and our previous adventure together."
Shirou blinked, " Is that normal for a Servant? Forgive me if this whole Holy Grail War is still new to me even though I fought and died in it."
"Not at all!" Saber said brightly. "But it's quite useful given our current circumstances, isn't it?" She replied as she turned around and picked up Caliburn from where she dropped it and almost skipped back to Shirou.
"You've got a good point there," Shirou admitted, "But how is it you can remember the previous Grail Wars events?"
"That's a little complicated," Saber hedged. "Does it really matter so long as I can? You can rely on and confide in me, Shirou. That's the important part though."
"Saber. Don't make me use a command spell on something stupid like this please? How can you expect me to confide in you when you won't do the same for me? Trust has to be reciprocated for it to be built amongst two people. Even if we fought life and death together."
The Servant of the Sword clicked her tongue off the top of her mouth before she turned to face him, "I suppose you've got me there. Since when did you get so serious, Shirou? You're not nearly as fun as last time around."
"Since I died last time, Saber," The redheaded magus reminded her.
Saber's head fell. "Yeah, that's fair. To answer your question though. It's due to the contract I made with the world near my death after the Battle of Camlann. To seek the Holy Grail to make right where I failed. At the current moment, I am neither alive nor am I dead. I am juxtaposed somewhere in between. Hence I can remember all my previous summonings."
"All your previous… Do you remember the last War too?" He asked.
"I do," She confirmed, "And I can say with confidence and pride that you are nothing like your father. I was wary of you at first, having the last name of Emiya. But you really are nothing like that man."
"The Old Man summoned you in the last Grail War," Shirou said under his breath, but she heard it plain as day.
"He did," she confirmed, once again. "He was, for lack of a better term, an ass."
"Oi!" Shirou said, offended on his old man's behalf.
Saber just shrugged, "It's true, I'm afraid. He was cold and heartless in pursuit of his goals. A ruthless monster that was more machine than man. You are nothing like him at all, and for that I am eternally grateful. I don't think I would have been able to put up with an Emiya like him a second time."
"But he only ever told me he got too old to be a hero and how he had many regrets," Shirou said, sounding downtrodden.
Saber pressed a gauntleted hand to his cheek, "He was probably trying to spare the feelings of a child who looked up to him like the hero he always wanted to be. He only ever spoke to me twice and that was to give me two orders, Once was to unleash my Noble Phantasm, while the second was to destroy the Holy Grail. Other than that, he never spoke to me. But from what I've seen of your memories, he truly cared for you, Shirou. Never forget that, despite what I've said here. Your father always loved you and tried his best to hide you away from the horrors he experienced. Truly the day he found you was a blessing."
Putting his hand over hers, Shirou said, "Thank you Saber for being candid with me,"
"Of course!" She said brightly. "Now, if you want to repay me, you could always make me breakfast."
The master of the duo scoffed, "Ah, now I see what you really want. Food for that bottomless hole you call a stomach."
"Drat! He's on to me," The Servant replied just as playfully as she headed towards the shed door.
The moment she pulled the door open, she stiffened, stopped, and unsheathed Caliburn from its scabbard before she called sharply. "Shirou! I smell blood,"
"Blood?" Shirou questioned. "On my property. Is it human?"
"I believe so, yes. Wait here while I go check it out," Saber told him.
"It could be a trap, set by an Assassin Class Servant. We should both go together, just in case," Shirou told her before she could rush off.
Saber grimaced but nodded, "Fair point. Very well. Follow my lead, but stay close behind me," 'I am not going to let him get hurt this time. Not by my hand or anyone else's,' Saber promised herself as she led the way out of the shed.
Shirou followed Saber nervously as she made her way around the house towards the front. What they found surprised even him. A squad of police cars were outside of his house, with the front cordoned off by police tape. Surrounding what looked like a crime scene at the center of which was a bloody severed human arm. Putting his hand on Saber's shoulder, he motioned for her to hide Caliburn before stepping forwards. He addressed the officers and questioned "Excuse me, officers, but what's going on here?"
An older man in a charcoal shirt and slacks with a perpetual 5:00 shadow and messy dark hair, with green eyes furrowed in curiosity stepped forward, "Young man, is your name Emiya Shirou?"
"Yes, officer, can I help you?" Shirou replied courteously.
The man released a sigh. "Ryotaro Dojima, and thank goodness, son. We thought you were dead."
"So you mean that?" He pointed to the limb just lying right outside of his home. "You thought it was me?"
"We thought it was yours. Or at least your guardian did. The poor woman's been inconsolable."
Suddenly, like a bolt out of the blue, Shirou was almost tackled to the ground by a crying Taiga Fujimura. "Shirou~u, you're alive!" she yelled as she cried into his shoulder. "I-I, I thought you might have been… I got scared when I saw that and I checked your room and you weren't there and then I called the police."
"I fell asleep in my shed again, Fuji-nee," Shirou said by way of explanation.
"Idiot! Dumbass! Moron!" She punctuated every word with a slap to his arm. "Do you have any idea how worried I was about you? I thought you were dead?! Don't you ever worry me like that again! Do you understand?!" She grabbed the scruff of his shirt and glared up into his eyes at the end, some tears yet unshed fell from her bloodshot and puffy red eyes.
"Sorry, Fuji-nee, I didn't mean to worry you," Shirou apologized, putting his hand on her head and giving it a pat.
"I'm not a little kid! I'm the older one here! Also, I'm hungry," Taiga pouted trying to change the subject as she saw her little brother in all but blood was okay and whole.
"And now we get to the crux of the matter as to why she really didn't want me to die, She'd starve to death otherwise," That got a laugh out of the police officers.
"You're not just my personal chef. You're also my adorable little brother. Who just so happens to be my personal chef."
"I can feel the love from here, Fuji-nee, it's as endless and as bottomless as your stomach," Shirou's quip earned him a punch on the arm.
"Stop embarrassing me Shirou! Last time I worry about whether you're dead or not."
With all the faux-innocence he could muster, Shirou replied. "But I thought that's what little brothers were supposed to do, Fuji-nee?"
"I'm about to kill you and make sure they don't find the body!" She hissed in his ear as Mr. Dojima chuckled at the conversation he overheard.
"I hate to break up this sweet sibling moment, but who's that foreign woman behind you, Mr. Emiya?" Doujima asked, pointing just behind Shirou to Saber who was waving kindly and smiling.
"Huh?!" Taiga looked behind Shirou, saw the blonde woman, then turned back to her ward and said. "Shirou, explain."
"Fuji-nee, I can explain," Shirou began as she tightened her grip on his shoulder to painful levels. It almost hurt more than Saber's hug.
With a smile on her face that was anything but kind, Taiga replied, "Explain. Quickly. Before the police arrest me for assault and attempted murder of your person,"
"It's quite simple really," Saber said, speaking for her Master. "I'm a pen pal friend of Shirou's who's come from abroad to visit. My name is Sabrina, Sabrina Pendrake. And the reason Shirou slept out in his shed last night was because he was up late picking me up from the airport. As I am from a rather wealthy family and I don't travel alone because of that. Shirou felt compelled to make sure I was alright and got to his residence happy and whole alongside my bodyguard."
Looking back and forth from the girl to her ward, Taiga asked. "Shirou, is this true?"
"Yes," Shirou lied through his teeth, "It's completely true. That's why my grades in English have improved. In no small part thanks to you as well, of course,"
"Huh. You never mentioned having a pen friend before?" Taiga noted.
"She asked me not to? Her family's kind of well off. Right, Sabrina?"
"It is so," She confirmed, "Besides being Knights of the Crown and holders of ancestral lands, we also own several steel manufacturing plants in England."
Dojima bowed politely, then said, "Pendrake-sama, you said you had a bodyguard?"
"Ah, yes, she's probably still asleep in the house. She's a bit lazy and hasn't returned to her homeland in a while so… Shall I go fetch her?" The blonde inquired politely.
"If you would be so kind, Pendrake-sama," The detective asked.
Saber spun on her heel, acting much like a girl her age would, "I'll be right back, gentlemen! Try not to arrest my friend in the meantime, please. Heheheheh!"
"Very funny. Sabrina!" Shirou called behind him.
Not even five minutes later, she came back out of the house, followed by a beautiful woman with strawberry blonde hair, teal green eyes wearing a blue kimono, and she had no less than four swords tucked into her obi. She strode forward confidently, completely ignoring the tense look of the police looking at her and the weapons she held warily. She then reached into her breast pocket of her kimono and pulled out a badge. "Here you are, officer. This should clear everything up,"
Suddenly shifting his hand to his gun, Dojima said. "You do know it's not legal to carry Katana in Japan anymore, miss?"
"Fujiwara Harunobu," She introduced herself, "And yes, I'm well aware, but certain exceptions have been made in my case. Inside there you'll find an Imperial writ by the Emperor himself, As well as my credentials, and my ward."
Doing so the detective sheathed through the leaflet of papers, his eyes widening the more he looked through it, and the more his eyes widened, the more he paled. Handing it back to her, he bowed low, "I see everything seems to be under here, I'm sorry for wasting your time, Harunobu-sama."
Taking it back, she waved him off, "Oh, don't worry about it. You guys were just doing your job. It's fine… Who got disarmed?" She asked, looking beyond the detective and seeing the dismembered limb on the ground, her gaze became as sharp as the samurai sword that she carried on her hips.
"We're currently investigating that very act, ma'am. This is the sixth of such killings in the past week or so. And so far we still have no leads. Just more body parts," Dojima said in tired disgust.
The swordswoman grimaced upon hearing that, "Well, since it happened so close to Shirou-san's home, do keep us informed, gentlemen."
"We'll do so. Now, please excuse us. We have some more work to do here and then we'll clean up this crime scene for you," Dojima promised before exiting the premises.
There was an awkward silence surrounding the group after the detective had left the swordswoman and broke it by saying, "I don't know about you guys, but I could eat."
"Let's head inside and I'll make breakfast," Shirou replied, feeling confused and tired. So much had happened in such a short time, and he still had to figure out what to do about the damn Holy Grail War, but first things first, he had guests to feed.
"Yay food!" yelled three very enthusiastic women.
(...)
The women's mouths collectively watered as they smelt the food Shirou was cooking. Sooner rather than later, he came out with four bowls of udon noodles, topped with hard boiled eggs, chives, and beef. Placing them in front of each of his guests. He announced, "Breakfast is served," before he seated himself at one end of the table.
"Udon for breakfast? That's unusual for you," Taiga noted, even as she slurped down her first helping of noodles.
"It's Harunobu-san's favorite dish. Since it's her first time back in Japan in a while, I thought I'd treat her," Shirou explained.
"You trying to get on my good side, Emiya-san? Because it's working," The swordswoman said, giving him a grin and a flirtatious wink.
Slurping down some noodles of his own, Shirou replied, "I'm just glad my cooking is appreciated. If it helps you get along with me, all the better."
"I appreciate your cooking!" Taiga rebutted.
To which the red haired chef rebutted, "Fuji-nee, you eat so fast that half the time I don't even think you taste my cooking."
Taiga looked scandalized, "That is not true! Your cooking is delicious! It's just so delicious. I want seconds and thirds and fourths if I can get them."
"OK, OK, just try and slow down and enjoy it some more, alright? Also, how am I going to get to school?"
Taiga let out an annoyed huff and replied, "I don't think you're going to be able to go to school today, Shirou. Not with the front of your house being a crime scene and all. I'll let the school know you can't make it, and send Matou-san by with your usual homework."
"Thanks Fuji-nee, I appreciate that," Shirou told her, topping off her bowl as he did so, as a sign of appreciation.
"No problem, no problem. But while you're stuck in here on a school day, you better not be up to anything funny. Got it?" She said while giving him a suspicious look before flicking her gaze to 'Sabrina' and 'Harunobu'.
Cocking his head to the side in innocent confusion, Shirou asked, "Just what are you implying that we'd be getting up to, Fuji-nee?"
Harunobu snorted as she slurped up her second bowl of noodles, "I don't think you have anything to worry about, Fujimura-sensei,"
"Yeah, this is Shirou we're talking about, poor Matou-san," She said, shaking her head sadly.
"What are you talking about, Fuji-nee? Is something wrong with Sakura?"
"Sakura? You mean Rin? Shirou, did sleeping outside do something to you? Because you're forgetting the name of the girl that's been coming around your house for the past year. The one you literally gave a house key to, and who's practically your common law wife, and gets half your stuff if you die. You know, that girl? Matou Rin?"
'Matou… Rin?' Shirou thought for a moment, like a deer in headlights. 'That isn't right… That isn't right at all! Rin should be Tohsaka Rin, and Sakura should be Matou Sakura… but if they've switched places, then that means…' He grimaced and suddenly lost his appetite, thinking about what Rin was going through. For a while, she was his friend and ally in his war. They were particularly close. He'd given up everything to rescue the Sakura of his world. Yet in this world, It seems that the Tohsaka magecraft had been passed on to Sakura, not Rin. Meaning the woman he fell in love with in essence did not exist here. He took a breath. 'Just focus on winning the Holy Grail for now,' He thought to himself. "Right. Sorry, this morning has been a lot," He apologized to his older-sister-figure.
Taiga nodded sympathetically, "True, it's not every day you see a human arm just laying in front of your house. That's why I want you to stay home today and get some rest. Let the shock wear off."
"Yeah, sure. Thanks, Fuji-nee," Shirou said before looking at the clock and saying "You'd better go if you don't want to be late for class."
Her mouth half filled with udon noodles, Taiga glanced at the clock herself, said some sort of illegible curse, and rushed out the door. The only sound that could be heard for a few minutes was the sound of her scooter taking off from the estate. After a brief moment, silence, Saber said, "We're alone, You can come out now, Lasciel."
The blonde haired woman appeared out of thin air, taking Taiga's previous spot at the table. "That woman really can pack it away, can't she?"
"Lasciel-san, you're here?"
"But of course, why do you think I told you not to lose the coin?" She replied, smirking and humoring him a bit. "It is my vessel. It connects me to you. Let's back up a bit. I am Lasciel, a former Fallen Angel, and I am also your adjuster, And so long as I am part of your retinue, only you and those who are also a part of your retinue can see and interact with me."
"So the reason Saber knew about Musashi-san was you?" Shirou guessed.
She sighed in relief as she smiled before saying, "Once again, I am so glad you are smarter than the average Emiya Shirou. I'd have to spoon feed a normal one all the answers,"
"To be fair, this isn't my first Grail War either," Shirou reminded her.
"True. True. Normally, Emiya Shirou's are quite ill-prepared and willing to die when it comes to the Fifth Holy Grail War. But that is neither here nor there. Let's go over what we know so far."
"There's a killer on the loose, whether it's an unknown Magus or a Servant of unknown origin is yet to be determined," Saber began.
Shirou continued with an almost bitter note in his tone, "Rin and Sakura seem to have switched places and origins with Rin becoming a Matou and Sakura staying a Tohsaka,"
"That makes me wonder what else could've possibly changed," Saber muttered to herself. "Has Illyasviel summoned Herakles like she usually does? Or has she potentially summoned something even worse? Does she even have the Berserker class as a Servant?"
"There are just too many unknowns," Shirou said as he shook his head before looking to Musashi and asking something that had been on his mind. "How did you manage to trick the police like that earlier?"
She grinned at him and replied, "Psychic paper, never leave home without it, It can get you in and out of so much trouble, when you're traveling the multiverse. It makes people who look at it see what you want them to see, or rather, what they expect to see."
"That is useful," Shirou noted. Looking at Lasciel, he said, "Remind me to get some of that,"
A small journal appeared in Lasciel's hands, "I'll make a note in your accounting book for when you have points to purchase it. There are plenty of other items that you can purchase in points but you still have to fulfill certain conditions."
Shirou nodded his head in agreement, "Alright so first things first we need to plan for this war. Should I go register with the church or do I need to investigate the other possible Masters. Like checking Ryuudou temple for Caster."
"I remember True Assassin killing her and her body was used as a puppet by Zouken," commented Saber as she slurped away at her sixth bowl of udon keeping pace with Musashi. Shirou was just grateful that his cooking didn't lose its edge and even Miyamoto Musashi loved his food.
Lasciel looked at Musashi and Saber and wondered if she could somehow taste some of Shirou's cooking. Shirou Emiya was a renowned chef that even the higher ups compliment his meals from time to time. The less she mentioned the foodgasms, though the better. As if reading her thoughts, Shirou placed a bowl of udon down in front of her along with some green tea. "Eat up," He told her with a smile. "We've got some work to do,"
"Thank you," On the first bite, she understood just why the higher ups complimented his cooking prowess. Foodgasm indeed! She, Lasciel the Temptress, who had tasted the manna of heaven itself, hadn't tasted anything comparatively close to its like till she tried his food.
"I hope it suits your tastes," Shirou said nervously. He'd never cooked for an angel before, fallen or not, so he was worried the food wouldn't be up to snuff for someone with a several thousand year refined palate.
"It's delicious!" she assured him beaming at him. "The closest thing I've had on earth that comes close to heaven's own Manna."
"You're too kind," Shirou said bowing flush with praise, "You're embarrassing me,"
Saber added her own two cents, "She's right Shirou, your cooking is as good as ever."
"Foo, goo!" Musashi said through a mouth full of noodles, and on her tenth bowl to boot.
The teen chef rubbed the back of his head, abashed. "Thank you three, but they're just udon noodles. Nothing too special."
Having slurped down the last of her bowl the sword saint said, "You cook like this all the time? Are you single?"
Shirou blinked, "Umm, yes? Technically."
"Marry me." Musashi said, looking him dead in the face with a serious expression.
The poor magus was thrown for a loop, "What?! You can't just say something like that out of the blue! Besides, I hardly know you!"
Picking up her plate and taking it to the sink, Musashi replied, "Well, you've got time to get to know me. We're stuck together as senpai and kohai on this assignment. And if you think I'm going to let a perfectly good house husband like you slip from my fingers, you've got another thing coming Emiya Shirou."
"Shirou is not just a house husband!" Saber said, standing up and defending her master and partner. "He is also a warrior in his own right."
"Mmm, me like," Musashi said, licking her lips. Shirou hoped she was just getting the salty flavor of the miso off of her lips… who was he kidding? "You're not saying anything to make me want him any less, you realize that, don't you, Saber?"
The Princess of Knights bristled. "Watch yourself, Musashi, or you and I will be crossing swords."
The Sword Saint just smirked, "Sounds good to me, or have you forgotten just what country we're in? This is my home turf King Arthur. I'm the most renowned Sword Saint Japan has ever known. Do you really think you can beat me here?"
For just a moment, a flicker of doubt crossed Saber's eyes, only to be snuffed out like a candle moments later. "We'll just have to see won't we?"
"Another time perhaps… though it's good to know I'm not the only one staking a claim."
Altria flushed, "I… I'm merely looking out for him as his Servant! That is all!"
Musashi just rolled her eyes, "Sure you are, that's why you got all defensive over me proposing to him."
Pouting, she grumbled, "Shirou, can I use my Noble Phantasm on her?"
"Not inside the house, Saber," Shirou said with a sigh.
Glancing over her shoulder at him, she said, "Altria… I mean, you can call me by my name, since you already know it, if you want. But only when we're alone!" She added, "Since this is still a grail war and all."
"Alright, Altria then, and please don't use your Noble Phantasm in the house… I need to still live here."
"Ahem, pocket island, remember?" Lasciel reminded him. "Living here is, while quaint, totally optional."
The teen put his hands on his hips as he nodded, "Right, and it would be smart to move our base to somewhere Medea of Colchis couldn't easily get into. Provided she's been summoned as Caster again."
"That's a sound course of action." Saber agreed. "While your house is cozy, it is not as defensible against the likes of Caster we would like."
Looking at his adjuster, Shirou asked, "Lasciel, is there any way we can move my house into my pocket dimension?"
"That can be easily done," The former Black Denarian replied, She wrote something on her notepad, And moments later, Shirou's company device beeped. "There, it's done."
"Just like that?" Shirou asked.
The Angel on probation just told him. "Go look outside if you don't believe me, and yes, it is that easy because you already own this property."
'So I have to be the owner of the property. Good to know,' Shirou thought to himself as he explored his new surroundings.
The first thing he noticed was that his lawn was gigantic now. As far as his eye could see, he saw green grass. 'I'm going to need a lawn mower,' Shirou thought to himself. 'That, or buy some cows,' He certainly had enough acreage for a herd or two of Kobe cows. "Just how big is this place?" he muttered to himself.
"It is sixty point eight kilometers squared, almost the same size as Tsushima island," Lasciel informed him. "Which is also what I took the liberty of basing it off for you, I thought something more familiar would be of comfort to you."
"That was kind of you. Thank you, Lasciel… but I've only been to Tsushima Island maybe once before in my entire life back when the Old Man was really getting sick. We had hoped the hot springs would help him get better..."
The former Denarian pursed her lips In a pout, "Really? Even though you've lived in Japan for almost a decade now? That is tragic all its own Shirou."
Shirou just shrugged. "There's a lot of my own country I haven't seen yet," He then questioned his, "Does my house still exist outside of this place?"
"Yes," Lasciel informed him, "It's just that there's a portal as soon as one opens the door and steps through that leads here, And only those you designate can even see or go through the portal. Otherwise they're just going to find an empty house."
"That's useful," Shirou couldn't help but agree.
"Wait till you see the backyard if you think that's impressive," The fallen Angel said. Titillating in with a small piece of information, like hanging a carrot dangling in front of a rabbit on a stick as she made her way to the backyard. Knowing full well she had him following behind her.
What Shirou saw behind his house amazed him just as much as what he saw in front. Instead of his usual shed, he found a giant red warehouse just sitting behind his house. "What is that place?"
"It's your new workshop," Lasciel informed him, "Purchase of a Grand Manor comes with a workshop installation, Yours comes with an added Warehouse. Which has up to fifty-thousand square feet of floor space, and as I'm sure you can imagine, can hold a lot of materials."
"Does it have anything in it besides what I originally had in my shed?" Shirou asked.
"Your Aston Martin DB5," Lasciel informed him. "As well as a particularly damaged Yamaha VMAX."
"My old bike is in there?" Saber asked, her eyes lighting up.
Shirou's head snapped to her. "That thing was yours? I wondered who was capable of driving that monster? I thought it might have been Taiga, but the Old Man said it belonged to someone he knew from a while back. He never said who."
"Can you fix it, Shirou?!" Saber was hopping excitedly from foot to foot. "Can you?!"
Shirou couldn't help but be pulled into her exuberance, He gave her a thumbs up, "Have you forgotten who you're talking to? I'm the mechanic for the entire Fujimura-gumi."
"Just thank you. Thank you, thank you!" She said as she gave him a bone crushing hug. It wasn't figurative. Shirou was pretty sure he felt some bones move.
"Saber… Painful," He gasped out.
"I'm so sorry. Are you all right? I was just so excited and… Are you going to be okay, Shirou?" She asked. Pouting and concerned while mentally kicking herself for her childish actions. 'You stupid girl! You're allowing yourself to be controlled by your emotions instead of controlling them, and Shirou is getting hurt because of that. Control yourself! Remember, you are the King of Knights, future or not!'
"I'm fine," He promised her, "In fact, I prefer seeing you like this. Happy, exuberant, showing your emotions freely. Not being guarded and constantly seeing sadness in your eyes… I was really worried about you, partner."
The Servant of the Sword's eyes were covered by her bangs, And her whole body trembled, and for a moment Shirou thought she was about to attack him. And he thought, 'Oh crap, did I screw up somehow and piss her off?' His worries were assuaged somewhat when he heard her sniffle, Yet hearing a woman, any woman, in any kind of distress set off Shirou's hero meter. "Saber, are you OK?" He asked worriedly.
The Servant of the Sword dabbed at her eyes, before giving him a cheerful smile, "I'm fine, Shirou. Thank you for… being you."
"You're welcome?" He said, clearly confused by how she was acting. "As long as you're okay,"
She nodded rapidly, reassuring him, "I'm fine, I promise. I believe we should all split up and look for instances of other servants who should be here but might not be. With your permission Shirou, I would like to go to The Einzbern Castle."
"Is that a good idea? Considering this is Illya we're talking about, she could just send out Berserker and well… Saber go splat."
Taking his words as a challenge, He scowled at him, saying, "Do you think just because I'm here in my younger form, that I am incapable of handling berserker, Master?" Her tone went from jovial to ice, glacial and acidic,in a fraction of a second.
Shirou, winced at her sudden shift in tone, "No, of course not Saber. But this is Berserker we're talking about. If he has been summoned like usual then, can you take him with just Caliburn?" Her Master questioned.
Saber grimaced but held firm, "I won't know until I try! Even if I can't, I have an ace in the hole."
He didn't expect to hear that from his servant, so Shirou found himself asking, "What ace in the hole?"
Saber's eyes gleamed mischievously, "Something Illyasviel would be very curious to learn about, Especially since it's me that knows,"
"What's that?" Shirou couldn't help but ask.
Smiling sadly, Saber replied, "Memories about her mother… Irisviel."
"Saber…" Shirou said sadly. He didn't know what he might give for memories of his own family before the fire from ten years ago. He'd never really been given the option, But he imagined Illyasviel would like to know anything she could about her own mother. "Are you sure you want to do this?"
"I think it would be better for us to have Berserker on our side than against us, Shirou." Saber said, half jokingly.
Sighing through his teeth, Shirou made his way into the warehouse where the Yamaha VMAX was kept, "If that's the case, he said, then I'd better get to work. That motorcycle isn't going to fix itself."
"What are you going to do after that?" Saber asked, quickly skipping up to his side.
Staring up at the sky as he continued to walk, Shirou replied, "Well, somebody should check and see if Rider has been summoned or not, and the easiest way to do that is to go to the school. I can do that easily enough,"
Saber scowled but nodded, knowing his course of action was a good one. "Be careful, Shirou. The school has at least two Masters inside of it,"
"I will be Saber. Don't worry," He reassured her. "It's not like I'm gonna get killed just by going to the school after hours or anything," He joked.
In response, Saber slapped him lightly on the arm, and said, "That! was in poor taste, Shirou. You actually could get hurt, being out on your own after dark. So do be careful and don't be afraid to use a command seal to summon me if you have to."
Rubbing his shoulder where she slapped him, Shirou said "I won't, I won't. I promise."
'I wonder when I got so good at lying?' He thought to himself as he proceeded to fix the Yamaha Vmax. Oh he had every intention of going to that school tonight, and he knew exactly what was going to happen to him, And it was going to hurt. A lot. But he couldn't risk it not happening either because certain things he assumed had to happen. In order for things to happen as they should, Saber couldn't be in the way. So in retrospect, her going to the Einzbern Castle was ideal. For, in a few scant hours, Shirou Emiya would have a near death experience. He silently prayed that Sakura Tohsaka would be as merciful as Rin had been.
(...)
Saber patted the fuel tank of her Yamaha VMAX affectionately as she pulled it to a stop outside of the Einzbern forest. She knew it wasn't a horse, but it might as well be a modern equivalent as far as she was concerned. Resting it on its kickstand, Saber squared her shoulders as she entered the forest proper. 'I doubt Illyasviel will keep me waiting for long,' she thought to herself. 'After all, the entire Einzbern bounded field covered the entire forest. So she already knows I'm here, on top of being the Lesser Grail. So it shouldn't be too long for her and Berserker to show up,' So thinking, she decided to lean against a tree and wait. Unwinding a white flag as she did so. It was a sign back in her day asking for parley. Stabbing the flagstaff into the ground just in front of her, she waited.
She didn't have to wait long. Berserker slammed into the ground not too far from her position, rising like a black monolith from the plume of dust he had kicked up, with Illyasviel sitting on his shoulder. The childlike grin on her face almost hid the vicious, psychotic look in her eyes. "Onii-chan, you… came?" She paused, staring at the scene in front of her. Then asked, "What is this?"
Saber bowed at the waist, showing her the respect she deserved as her friend's daughter, "Greetings Illyasviel von Einzbern. I have come to parlay on behalf of my master."
"Parlay?" Ilya parroted, "What makes you think I'd I'd parlay with you and not have my Berserker squash you flat?" Berserker huffed at her words, his breath misting in the air.
In response, Saber raised a single finger and walked back to her bike, coming back with a small picnic basket. "If you kill me, you'll never be able to eat this delicious food Master sent with me," She carried on before Illya could protest, "Also, before you accuse him of poisoning the food, to do so would tarnish his honor as a chef. So no, he didn't poison it," Saber said as she laid out a small blanket and started putting the assorted snacks Shirou had made out on it. "He even sent me with a thermos full of tea," She coaxed the girl with at the end.
Ilyasviel pursed her lips in annoyance, puffing her cheeks out before she asked. "And where is my precious Onii-chan? Who could make all this but not bother to appear in person? What is so important that he couldn't come to see me himself?"
"School," Saber replied simply, "He had after school activities to attend today. He's a part of the archery club, in case you were curious."
Of all the answers she expected, her precious Onii-chan going to school wasn't one of them."I-I see. Yes, that… that is important, isn't it?"
Saber nodded, "Back in my day, we didn't get such luxuries as modern schooling. So it should be taken advantage of as far as I'm concerned. Why? If one were lucky, they might get apprenticed to a knight and be made a squire, and through that learn more than the common peasant, But really, an equal education for everyone is a beautiful thing."
"I suppose it is," Illyasviel couldn't really comment one way or another. She didn't have a modern education. She was born knowing what she was supposed to know, being a homunculi. Being naturally born from a human and Homunculus or no, she was still born knowing certain things. "Let me down, Berserker," She told her Servant. Who looked at her and grunted. As if to say, "Are you sure this is a good idea? "Just do it," she replied to his grunt. And she slid down his extended arm and walked towards the Servant of the Sword.
Stopping at the edge of the blanket, she said. "I would usually introduce myself properly, but since you already know who I am, That's rather pointless, isn't it?"
Saber smiled at her. "Just a little bit." Pouring her some tea, she said, "I must say you haven't aged a day since I saw you all that time ago, ten years prior. Before your father, mother and I left for the Fourth Holy Grail War," She looked at the homunculus, who looked like she'd seen a ghost, and offered her the cup. "And your resemblance to Irisviel is uncanny as well, I must admit, personality wise, you do take after your father."
"How… How do you? You shouldn't remember any of that!" The small child yelled at her, stomping her feet into the cold ground of the forest at the sheer insanity in front of her.
Saber just kept offering her the steaming cup of tea, "My condition as a servant is… Complicated. Suffice it to say, I remember much more than an average servant should."
"Well, that much is obvious," The homunculi huffed. "What exactly do you want to talk about?"
"Your mother, your father. What really happened during the 4th Holy Grail War? I thought if anyone deserved to know the truth, it was you, Ilyasviel."
"And in return, you want what? Protection from me and my Berserker?"
The servant offered the girl a gentle smile, "You do catch on quickly. You get that from both of your parents, I'm assuming. But no, what Shirou really wants is to be quite frank, a relationship with his older sister."
"Enough with your flattery, just get to the point," Illyasvial said, even as she collapsed to her knees on the blanket and took the cup of tea. "Build a relationship with me, with the person who replaced me? You can't be serious?" She deadpanned as she stared the servant in the eye.
"Perhaps you'll change your mind when you hear what really happened during the 4th Holy Grail War," Saber commented as she pulled out several desserts. "You've been lied to quite a bit in your childhood. About your father, and about Shirou," The knight watched as the girl pouted but also noted a hint of doubt gleaming in her Ruby eyes. That doubt is the crack Saber needed to dispel the falsehoods plaguing the poor girl.
"So you're here to tell me the real story, then? All right. I could at least hear you out, but if I don't like what I hear, I'm going to have my berserker squash you."
"Very well," Saber agreed. " Let me start by saying I hated your father's guts."
Illyasviel blinked, then nodded."OK, so far so good. Carry on."
"He never bothered to try and get to know me as a person and only thought of me as a tool to achieve his objectives. Your mother was a much better person by comparison. She treated me as a human being, at least. As I have already told Shirou, your father only ever spoke to me twice, and that was to give me orders via command spell. The second and third commands were the same… Destroy the Holy Grail."
The not-child's eyes widened in disbelief at the statement, "He destroyed it. But why?"
Saber shook her head, "That I do not know," She lied effortlessly. "But he forced me to use my Noble Phantasm to destroy it. Right when he had it in his grasp. So now Shirou and myself cannot help but wonder. Could there possibly be something wrong with the Greater Grail? Something Kiritsugu noticed back then, which is why he forced me to destroy it, all that time ago?" Saber had planted the seeds of doubt within Illyasviel's mind. That's all she could do for now. The girl had to come to the conclusion on her own, but from how she looked down and pursed her lips, she could tell she was at least considering such a thing. Saber carried on, "But that is neither here nor there at the moment, You wanted to know about the 4th Holy Grail War. It was a mess. Treachery and tricks abound. No honor was to be found there. And a majority of the treachery was done by your father's own hand. You do know he was an assassin, right?"
"I've heard about him. The Magus Killer," Ilyasviel sighed through her nose. "Such a big reputation for such a pathetic man, one who abandons his daughter and just up and dies in this backwards country of savages."
Saber tutted at her, before offering her a slice of cream cake, "Now, now, don't go judging him before you hear what happened. As I said, the 4th Holy Grail War was something to see treachery, yadda yadda yadda. A lot of it was done by your dad, blah blah blah. And then near the end, Your mother was kidnapped."
"Mama was kidnapped?!" She said as she took a paltry bite from the cake. 'This is delicious!' She thought to herself as she hung onto Saber's every word.
"Your father and I searched for her for two days. Me and my trusty steed there," She pointed her armored finger to the Yamaha Vmax, "And your father by foot or something. I don't know. We'd split up by then, anyways, we'd ended up converging on what was supposed to be the site of the Holy Grail manifesting," Saber grimaced as she continued. "I fought the berserker of the last Holy Grail War, and your father fought the perpetrator of your mother's kidnapping,"
"The berserker of the Last Holy Grail War was… Oh," Ilya said a little bit sadly.
Saber nodded, "Yes, Lancelot du Lac, my former greatest knight," then Saber laughed bitterly, surprising Ilya, "To think my inability to punish him for his affair with Gwynevere would lead him to madness? But yes, my battle with him means little in the grand scheme of things. In truth, it was a personal milestone for me that helped me progress and improve upon the dream I desire, but that is all. What really matters is your father's fight with the perpetrator."
"Who was it?" Ilya asked, leaning forward, now absently munching on a stick of dango that Saber had handed her. 'This is good too!' She thought to herself. 'Sella could learn something from Onnichan.'
"A wicked hearted priest by the name of Kirie Kotomine," Saber said solemnly. "Though I cannot prove it, I think he killed your mother after kidnapping her. The fact that he is the Church's Moderator in this Holy Grail War, means that he is very apt at covering up his crimes."
"So Grandpapa was right!" Ilyasvial suddenly exclaimed, "About this at least, that the Church is full of evil people who want to do butt stuff to children!"
It took the Greater Grail a moment to translate that for poor Saber, but once it did, she almost threw up. "I sincerely hope that isn't the case for him, but considering it's Kirie Kotomine, I wouldn't put it past him. I tell you this so that you can be wary of this man. He is not to be trusted."
She nodded, "I'll keep that in mind and might have Berserker squash him flat if I can get close enough to him," She then asked, "So where does Shirou come into all this? And why didn't Papa come for me after the Grail War?"
At this point, Saber shrugged, "I sadly can't answer any of that Illya, I had disappeared by then. So you'll have to talk to Shirou yourself to get those answers. As I've already said, he's currently indisposed,"
"Right School," Illya said to herself more than Saber. The snow fairy then bopped her fists into an open palm, having seemingly just come up with a very good idea. "I've got it!"
"Oh, what's that?" Saber asked, smiling at her exuberance a bit.
"We'll just go to him. Come on, Berserker," She said as she pranced over to the waiting behemoth. "We're going to school," She then paused as she mounted herself on his shoulder. "Where is Oniichan's school Saber-san?"
"Can I take this to mean we're in an alliance then, Illyasviel?" Saber asked tentatively as she took to her feet.
The little Pixie grinned mischievously from the shoulder of her black giant. "You can say we're in an alliance for now."
Giving her a pointed look with her hands on her hips, Saber asked, "How long exactly is, for now? I would like to think Shirou would like to know so I don't have to watch my back every second for the supposed alliance ending,"
Ilya looked up at the sky as a flurry of snowflakes drifted down from the heavens, "Well, depending on how my conversation with him goes… You'll either be the first servant killed along with your master, or you'll be the last servant standing along with your master alongside me. How's that sound?"
"It sounds like a half threat, half promise, but it's no less than what I could expect from Kiritsugu's daughter, I suppose," Altria said as she sighed before leaning over and cleaning up the mess from the impromptu meal she had offered the girl, Stowing it all back away in the picnic basket, which she placed back on her Yamaha Vmax, She Looked back and grinned challengingly, "Try to keep up. This thing moves pretty fast."
"You think that toy can outpace my Berserker?" Illya scoffed. "Don't flatter yourself."
Revving the engine to life saver challenged, "You sound scared, Illyasviel, would you like to play a game and see who could get to Homurahuragakuren first?"
Gritting devilishly, Illya replied, "You're on. Let's go, Berserker!" The black giant leaped into the air as the Yamaha VMAX took off into the setting sun.
(...)
Shirou arrived at Homurahuragakuren just in time for the Servants to face off. The Magus of Swords didn't know who he expected Sakura Tohsaka to summon, but he certainly didn't expect who he saw. She had ten weapons floating around her person, each a lance crimson as blood with a double helix integrated into its design. She had flowing silver hair and ethereal golden eyes, Her wrists to her forearms were covered in something crimson, which Shirou hoped wasn't blood. A sphere and accompanying halo of blood floating above her head. Her attire amounted to little more than a few strips of white cloth embellished in gold, opulent earrings, and a white snake hanging around her neck.
Gaze flicking from servant to master. Shirou beheld Sakura Tohsaka for the first time. Her hair was ash black, Like Rin's own in his world, while her eyes were a deeper shade of icy blue rather than Rin's aquamarine. She had even styled her clothes after Rin, though she seemed to prefer purple and white to Rin's red and black ensemble. Sakura still took to wearing her hair down completely, except for a single braid in the front that was kept in place by a small red ribbon. What significance this had, if any, was unknown to him though. Despite himself, Shirou couldn't help but notice that Sakura filled out her outfit just as well as the one he knew.
Lancer, by contrast, hadn't changed at all, still wearing his blue suit, striped with white, pauldrons on his shoulders, and spear Gae Bolg in his hands. He was actually happy to know that Cu Chulainn hadn't changed at all. It was nice to know some things didn't change. Shirou tried to structurally analyze the new Archers weapons, to no avail. Whenever he stared at them, he got a slight headache. So all he could do in the end was watch the two servants clash.
Impatient for a good fight as always, Lancer moved first. His spear moved like a crimson blur as it flashed towards his target, Archer's neck, yet without even needing to move, Archer's weapons shifted into a defensive formation to deflect Gae Bolg out of the way. No matter how many times the spear was thrust, it could not pierce the Archer's defense.
After a moment of this in which a hundred or more strikes must have been thrown, each kicking up a small gale, the blue clad Spearman jumped back, with a hiss coming from between his teeth as he narrowed his crimson eyes at his fellow Servant. "What kind of Archer are you? One that doesn't use a bow. You couldn't be Saber, could you? I'm Lancer, so that rules out that class. You're too up front to be an Assassin. Not that it matters, since my master is hiding like a coward."
'You wound me Lancer,' the mocking voice in his head replied to his words.
'Pish off, ya fooking wanker,' Lancer shot back, keeping his full attention on the Servant in front of him.
'You know mutt, someone's watching you both fight right now, and I'm not talking about me,'
"EH?! Who's there?!" The Hound of Chulainn snapped his gaze around and it briefly landed on Shirou who immediately took off running towards his classroom just like last time.
'Everything is going just like last time,' Shirou thought to himself as he ascended the stairs, not even feeling slightly out of breath unlike before when he was gasping for breath at this point. Clearly the tune up by the Company done to his body had done wonders for him. He stopped just outside of his classroom door pretending to catch his breath and looked around…
Only to be stabbed in the chest by Lancers crimson spear. He felt the tip of the mystical weapon grind and scrape against his metal heart but it didn't pierce it. That doesn't mean he didn't bleed profusely; however, he had still just been stabbed in the chest and broken several ribs in the process.
The blue Lancer looked at him with begrudging respect as he toppled to the floor in a pool of his own blood. "Damn you had a little skill in magecraft huh? I felt some resistance. Reinforced your heart huh? Not bad, kid. Shame you weren't a master. You could've become something amazing," He then dissipated into motes of blue light.
Shirou laid there, slowly bleeding out and moments later Sakura appeared with her Servant materializing beside her. "Mistress, what should we do with this one?"
Rolling Shirou onto his back, Sakura looked down at him pityingly, like a bonafide saint as she said, "It's a shame really, you're such a good person, always trying to help people to the best of your ability…" Her tone shifted to one of sadistic glee as she smiled in a way that twisted her usually delicate features as she finished, "But my Master said to leave no witnesses."
'Well, this isn't good,' Shirou thought to himself. He suddenly felt the pain in his chest begin to subside and glancing down, he saw the blood flow had stopped and his wound was magically knitting itself together.
"Master, two other Servants have just entered the premises," Archer informed her mistress in monotone.
"Where?!" Sakura asked.
There was a sudden shattering of glass on either side of them and standing in front of Shirou was Saber, but she was clad in a lily white bio-suit that took the same shape of her clothing and armor even covering her ponytail. Her eyes were jagged glass green lenses that glowed slightly ominously as she held Caliburn in both hands, and was currently surrounded by an aura of prana burst.
"Here," Archer said dryly as she pulled her master close to her and continued, "I do believe it would be best for us to retreat for now Mistress…" She glanced behind her at the Black Giant and the Snow Fairy sitting on his shoulder. "As while I could take them both, under the current battlefield conditions, I cannot guarantee your safety and slay who I presume to be both Berserker and Saber at the same time."
Sakura pouted, "But Master will be upset. To let three servants get away and a witness live? He'll punish me for sure?" Sakura seemed to drool a bit as she said the last bit.
Archer just rolled her eyes, "I think somehow you'll survive mistress," She fired her projectiles through the window before grabbing her Master and leaping out into the night.
"Shirou!" Saber rushed to his side, "Are you alright?"
He nodded before picking himself up off the floor, "Yeah I should be fine,"
"Good," Saber promptly thumped him on the head, "I told you to be careful! Getting stabbed does not equate to that!"
"Atatatat!" Shirou said, rubbing his wounded scalp. "Sorry, sorry!"
The mask pulled back from Sabers face showing her scowling at him, "You had damn well better be!"
"Umm, does onii-chan act like this alot?" Illyasviel asked from her place on Berserker's shoulder.
"More often than I would like," Saber said as she rubbed her eyes.
This caused Illya to pout. "Onii-chan is an idiot."
Saber shook her head, "It's worse I'm afraid, he's a heroic idiot."
Even Berserker seemed to huff in exasperation.
Illyasviel patted his head, "I know Berserker, Onii-chan is crazy isn't he?" She then giggled, "Well, you would know, wouldn't you?" She then addressed Shirou directly, "I hope you've thought of a good way to repay us for rescuing you Oniichan."
"Is food an acceptable method of payment… Illya-chan?" He tried giving her a nickname on the spot hoping it would be okay with her. Seeing the gleam in Saber's eyes he knew he was at least safe from her wrath.
Her ruby eyes lit up, yet she played coy, "Well, if I have to choose between that or your eternal servitude, food will have to do, I suppose." She slid down Berserker's back before flinging herself at Shirou. "Piggyback Ride! Carry me onwards noble steed!"
"Fine, fine! Berserker can't exactly carry you around everywhere can he? He's a bit… conspicuous," Shirou settled on at last as he stared at the Black Giant whose head scraped the ceiling.
As he carried Illyasviel von Einzbern his estranged sister, to his home on his back, he couldn't help but think that something was seriously wrong with Sakura Tohsaka or not… and swore to himself he wouldn't rest until he figured out what it was.
He feared what other changes may have happened in this world he found himself in.
(...)
Word Count: 13,950 Number of Pages: 29 Date Completed: 9/2/2023
(...)
AN: Hello everyone and welcome to my attempt at the Waifu Catalog genre. This one starring Shirou! DUN DUN DUN! No, but real talk, this is less of a fic and more the start of a saga. One where Shirou will go places, do things, woo many women… typical Shirou stuff really, but in more bite-sized pieces. I hope ya'll enjoy this and till next time, here's Snowy and First Hassan to wrap things up.
Snowy: This was supposed to be posted on Oct. 13th but I was exhausted from my job and life in general so I sincerely apologize. ON the other hand this is a start of a new subset of stories. The harems larger. The plot more hilarious. The story never lacking. I hope everyone will enjoy the first story in a long line of Company Approved Stories. I only hope shirou will survive long enough with enemies at all fronts. At least he has Saber, Musashi and now Ilya covering his back. Good luck everyone. And see you later.
Hassan: YES! YES! YES! OH GOD YES! THE MAD AUTHOR, THE CEO HEAD CORPORATIONS OF THE PRODUCTION COMPANY HAS DONE IT! TRULY HAS HE HAS DONE IT! BEHOLD! THE WAIFU CATALOG!...First Hassan here and today we are bringing you one of the most iconic creations Bubba has created. Glorious and yet so magnificent! The waifu catalog! If you want to thank someone, you can thank me cause I recommended him on the waifu catalog and guess what? Snowy, Me and Bubba has created a catalog for our boi here! So be prepared boys cause Shirou is gonna be in a wild ride boys! YEEEEHHHAAAA! Thank you guys for reading our story, if you want more or want to be a chapter ahead, head to Bubba' account where it hasn't been edited by yours truly. I'll see you guys later! (Turning around while blue flames surround Hassan before disappearing)
Thanks for reading and till next time this has been an Inkblot Bros Production! Peace!