"There is a time, there is a place / when love should conquer all / the rest of life is pushed aside / as truth and reason fall / but only if that selfishness / can lead to something good / I thought I knew you, Princess / but I never understood." — "How I Know You (Reprise)" from Aida
A/N: Hiya, agents and unsubs! This is a project I've been working on for close to three years now; by now, I love these characters and story more than I love my own family and friends. Just kidding. Maybe.
If you've read my only other published CM work (it's on AO3), "so much hope was held", then you've already dipped a toe in the ocean that is this universe. That work is a snippet taken from this one, and it will in fact make an appearance partway into the story. If you've read that work, you know that Spencer's daughter will be called Nellie, but you're still in for a wild ride regarding how Spencer makes it to that hospital nursery, gazing at his daughter with a deeper love than he's ever felt, and you're in for an even wilder ride regarding everything that will follow after.
We'll follow Nell through roughly her first (very traumatic) year of life, and then who knows? Maybe I'll publish the sequel that has also lived in my word docs for years. XD If any of you are much into musical theatre, you may notice that some (if not all) chapter titles are derived from lyrics from the Tim Rice/Elton John masterpiece of a musical, Aida. The title of the work itself even pays homage to a pair of star-crossed lovers as doomed as our Spencer and Clara, Aida and Radames.
Thanks for reading, and I hope you come to love Nellie and Clara and their relationships with Spencer as much as I do. If you're interested, there's a sort of cover art for this work linked under the first quote in this prologue.
All my love,
Cynthia
Prologue: From a Love That Never Died
December 24th, 2018
"And their story / And my journey / And the lesson they provide / Draw their strength and inspiration / from a love that never died." — "Every Story is a Love Story (Reprise)" — from Aida
The ghost of Maeve Donovan is in the room tonight.
The past absolutely isn't what Spencer should be focused on in this moment where the situation is so dire, and for the most part, he isn't, but the small, analytical part of his brain as yet unchoked by panic keeps seeing similarities between now and the night Maeve died.
When Clara's eyes flit from the barrel of a gun in her face to meet Spencer's own gaze, he can see a panic like Maeve's reflected in her dark eyes. There, too, is the heartbreaking determination that Maeve had displayed in her last moments—not the will to preserve her own life, but the urge to protect Spencer's. Spencer knows beyond shadow of a doubt that Clara is equally fearful for his well-being and Nellie's, but he would give his life without any hesitation if it meant the other two would live. Unfortunately, much like when Maeve was taken by Diane, the gun in an unsub's hand isn't threatening him.
Essentially, he's powerless.
"Cat, please," he begins softly, taking a deep breath to steady his hands; his gun is trembling ever-so-slightly, and if there's ever been a time to make sure his aim is accurate, it's now. "You're not mad at Clara. You're not mad at Nellie. You're mad at me. If you let them—"
"Save the song and dance, Spencie," Cat interrupts, sounding disinterested. "We've been there before."
Spencer shakes his head, trying to hold her attention… anything to get that gun away from his daughter and the woman holding her. "Take this somewhere new, then," he suggests. "Tell me what you're after and I'll figure out how to get it for you. I'll do anything, you know I will. What do you want?"
Cat rolls her eyes. "Every word you've just said is irrelevant, because I don't want to talk to you. I want to talk to Annie."
"Don't call her that," Spencer protests automatically, risking looking away from Cat for just long enough to look at Clara's face again. She's looking at him, too, and shaking her head—telling him, he knows, that she's okay.
He knows that she's not.
"Why not?" Cat asks, snapping Spencer's attention back to her. "Other people do."
"Not anymore, not really. She goes by Clara now."
"He's right." Clara's voice is trembling slightly, but upon speaking up, Spencer can see her body language change from the corner of his eye. She straightens up some, emboldened—and as she does so, she turns slightly, covering more of Nellie's body with her own torso.
"You know, Annie," Cat replies, ignoring this exchange completely, "I find that people who change their names are usually running from something. What are you running from? Or should I say… who?"
As if this was a cue—and it probably was, knowing Cat's need for theatrics—someone steps out of the shadows of a doorway at the other end of the room.
Spencer's heart metaphorically stops.
Clara half-turns to see what's happening, and Spencer can see her freeze, too, when she recognizes the newcomer: it's Thomas.
"See, Spencie? You're not the only one who knows how to make enemies," Cat croons, and the look on her face says that she knows she has won. The situation, already worrisome, becomes nearly untenable with the introduction of a second threat… because Thomas, the man who has just emerged from hiding is pointing a gun at Clara and Nellie, just like Cat is. "Annie's been a busy girl. Did she tell you who else to expect tonight? Let me introduce you to—"
"I know who he is, but I'm talking to you," Spencer snaps, desperation overriding the cautious voice in his head telling him to get a grip, reminding him that his emotion is what Cat is aiming for here. "Please, Cat, listen to me. I'm begging you, leave Clara and Nellie out of this. I don't have any backup. I'll give you my gun. I'll go with you and let you do whatever you want to me. Just don't hurt Nellie. Don't hurt—"
"Spencer, stop." Spencer falls quiet when Clara interrupts and turns back to look at him, frantically shaking her head; there's an expression on her face that he doesn't entirely understand, one that's showing different emotions than the ones being conveyed a minute ago. "You don't understand. You're not a part of their plan," she tells him urgently when he meets her gaze.
Obviously, she knows something that he doesn't, and that something may end up meaning the difference between life and death.
"What do you mean?"
"This isn't about you anymore, I promise it's not. So when they kill me—because that's what they're going to do, and that's okay!—take Nellie and runwith her. Run and don't look back." Spencer has never heard Clara sound more serious, and he notes that the tremble is gone from her voice.
Clearly, whatever she knows has led her to a conclusion; she has made her decision to give in. She's giving her life so that Nellie and Spencer have a chance to live, and he can't let that happen.
"Clara, no, I won't let you—"
"Please, for once in your life, just listen. I understand what's happening now. Thomas won't follow you, and once I'm dead, Cat will have accomplished what she was after, too. This was always going to happen. I was just prolonging the inevitable. You'll understand someday, too. Just take Nellie and get her to safety, and someday, if she asks about me, tell her she was worth it. She was worth everything. So were you." Clara's voice gets softer. "I wouldn't change a thing."
She looks at Cat, who seems to have been waiting for this. "So touching. Really, it's heartwarming. Did you two practice this?"
Clara shakes her head and looks back behind her, turning toward Thomas. "Remember your promise," she murmurs in a harder tone, and the ambiguity behind what she might mean makes Spencer nervous. What is he missing? What have Clara and Thomas agreed to, and how does Cat fit into that arrangement?
He doesn't get a chance to find out, because Thomas doesn't answer.
Then Clara kisses the top of Nellie's little head, kneels down, and sets her gently on the floor, and rises to her feet once more.
"It was worth it," she tells Spencer again, giving him one last tiny smile that breaks his heart.
Then there's the sound of a single gunshot, and the world dissolves into chaos.